Topic: Special Contest CT Edition! Ended 6-12 (Read 2,508 times)
RAD Torgo's Pizza Delivery Person Southern Gentleman member is offline
Joined: Aug 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 452 Location: Austin, Texas
Special Contest CT Edition! Ended 6-12 « Thread Started on May 30, 2010, 9:23am »
Hey, Gang!
Okay. Pearl Forrester. Some of you loved her character in the show, and some of you hated her character in the show. But, since I'm married to her, she's the theme of my contest this week.
Write an interstitial (skit) with her interacting with the trapped group on the SOL. It could be Mike, or Joel, or heck, anyone! Here's your chance to raise her to Goddess-hood or kill her off, once and for all.
The prize will be the next release of CT (Danger on Tiki Island) signed personally for the winner by Joel, Mary Jo, Trace, Frank, and J. Elvis.
Have fun kids!
RAD
« Last Edit: Jun 27, 2010, 10:24am by skyroniter »
Birdgirl90 Pitch Cow Patty: the Junior Bacon Ranger member is offline
I don't think I would blame him, actually.
Joined: Feb 2010 Gender: Female Posts: 946
Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #1 on May 30, 2010, 7:40pm »
Hi! First entry, wow. So here is my entry for this awesome contest; I apologize for the length. It's long because I wrote it in script format, so there are a lot of stage directions and spaces. Enjoy!
Setting: Forrester Castle, on Earth. Pearl Forrester is in the great hall with Brain Guy and Bobo, about to send Mike and the Bots their movie for the week.
Pearl: *grinning cheekily at the camera, having just finished giving a wicked monologue about how terrible the movie is* So you see Nelson and robot pals, if this movie doesn’t break your spirits, nothing will.
To Pearl’s right, Brain Guy sneezes. She looks at him with a look of disgust, rolls her eyes, then goes back to Mike and the Bots.
Pearl: Anyway, I hope you enjoy your last day of sanity. Brain Guy, send them the movie.
Brain Guy: *sniffling, obviously coming down with a nasty bug, looking paler than his normal Albino coloring* I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, Madam, I’m having trouble wit-
He stops mid-sentence as Pearl turns and glares at him, her hands on her hips, a look of growing frustration spreading across her face.
Pearl: *through her teeth, every syllable accented, indicating she means business* I said, send them the movie, Brain Guy.
Brain Guy: *With an almost, not-quite audible sigh* Yes, my Lady.
Brain Guy squints his eyes, and the Brain Guy noise is heard. But as we pan back to the SOL, instead of flashing lights and Movie Sign, Pearl Forrester is standing on the bridge with Mike and his two bots. She is examining her location and herself in surprise and disbelief as the occupants on the SOL begin to speak…
Mike: *in surprise, like is typical of Mike* Whoa, there! *takes an involuntary step back from Pearl* What are you doing here?
Pearl: *glares at Mike* Like hell would I know?
Crow: Mike, if I promise to feed her and take her out twice a day, and brush her and love her, can I keep her? Oh please, oh please, oh please?
Pearl: Touch me, and I will melt you down into a scrap heat…
Mike: *ignoring Pearl’s comment* Now Crow, what have we discussed about keeping pets on the Satellite? It’s not a good place for them.
Crow: *also ignoring Pearl* Oh, right, because of what happened to Tibby..
Tom Servo: *sniffling, becoming distraught* Tibby! Oh Tibby! *runs off presumably to his room, although we aren’t quite certain, his sniffling heard all the way down the hall*
Mike: *with a hint of annoyance, in a stage whisper* See? This is why we swore to never talk about it again!
Crow: *with an eye roll* Ok, I’m sorry, geesh! It’s not my fault Tibby got salmonella in the peanut butter…
Meanwhile, as this conversation and series of events is taking place, Pearl is watching, baffled. She backs away from the bridge table slowly, then starts to laugh. Mike and Crow break off from their debate over Tibby and the salmonella in the peanut butter and look at Pearl, then each other in disbelief…
Pearl: Ok, I get it. This is just a really bad dream, isn‘t it, Nelson? The experiment must be taking it’s toll, yes, that’s got to be it. I mean, there’s no way I could be stuck up here with you space monkeys, no way at all. Unless…
Mike and Crow watch as realization dawns on Pearl’s face, quickly turning to irritation as she stalks forward to Cambot, her hands in fists, her eyes slits.
Pearl: *at Cambot, with the anger of a lioness being awoken at an ungodly hour by a raccoon* BRAIN GUY!
Meanwhile, back at Castle Forrester…
Brain Guy is sprawled out on the leather couch used only by Pearl, his Kool-Aid blue brain and tray resting on the coffee table next to the couch that no one remembered buying, just that it appeared when certain stories called for it. Bobo is heard in the background, singing in his chimp voice, presumably cooking some unknown food item, which, knowing Bobo, is probably something inedible. Brain Guy looks up wearily at the transmission screen…
Brain Guy: *gives a cough* Yes, m’lady?
Pearl: *on transmission screen from SOL, looking outraged, is momentarily distracted* Are you on my couch? And where did that coffee table come from?!
Brain Guy: *sitting up slightly, enthused, gestures to said table* I don’t know, but the woodwork on it is supreme, wouldn’t you agree?
Pearl: *nodding her head in agreement* Yeah, it adds a cert- Wait a minute, stop distracting me!
Brain Guy: Oh, sorry. What did you need?
Pearl: What? Oh. Right. *the glare returns to her face* Somehow, Brainy Boy, I got sent up here instead of the movie. And I. Want. DOWN!
Brain Guy: *back to being sprawled on the couch, accepts a bowl of soup that Bobo has just brought in* Sorry, my Lady, but as you can see, I’m really in no position to get you down -
Pearl begins sputtering, but Brain Guy keeps speaking over her…
Brain Guy: - As my brain is not functioning correctly, hence why you are stuck up there. I promise I will get you down as soon as I can, Madam, good bye!
Brain Guy cuts the transmission while Pearl is still sputtering her frustration, and turns to the soup that Bobo has brought him. Bobo is watching him, wearing a flowered apron, waiting for Brain Guy’s reaction. Brain Guy takes a bite…
Brain Guy: Why Bobo, this tastes delicious! What’s in it? *takes another bite*
Bobo: *thrilled that Brain Guy likes his soup* Well, you see, it’s got carrots, and tomatoes, oh and cabbage, and butterscotch, and chicken liver for energy….
As Bobo keeps listing off ingredients, most of which you would never want to see in soup, Brain Guy pushes the bowl away from him on the coffee table and lays back down with a sigh…
Back on the SOL…
Pearl stares at Cambot, partially shocked, partially not surprised, and completely annoyed that Brain Guy has cut her off. She is mentally debating her situation and how to proceed while Mike and Crow are whispering in the background. Tom Servo is still in his room, bemoaning the loss of his turtle from the Gamera experiment…
Mike: *stage whisper* I feel kind of bad for her…
Crow: *sighs* Mike, do I really have to remind you that she is the reason we are still stuck up here? And that her son was the reason that we all got up here, when he shot Joel into space? She’s getting what she deserves. Leave it alone.
Mike: Yeah, that may be true, but I can’t help but feel bad for her…
Crow is about to reply with a snarky comeback, when Pearl turns around, her mind made up on what she is going to do, a look on her face that tells the two occupants on deck that if they so much as mess with her, the consequences will be higher than they know. Although, they aren’t really sure what she can do to them, as they are already in space and forced to watch crappy movies against their wills…
Pearl: Listen up, Smelson and Goldie, and listen well. While circumstances beyond my control may have brought me here, that doesn’t mean I have to be nice. If I am going to be up here with you, you are going to follow my orders, and follow them completely, or else. Capisce?
Mike: Well, maybe, I mean, we’ve been up here for a long time…
Crow: Yeah, and we all really just want to go home to Earth…
Pearl: You’ve never even been to Earth, beaky.
Crow: Minor technicality.
Mike: Anyway, what we’re trying to say is, if we are going to follow your orders while you’re up here, then you have to promise to let us down when you get back to your castle.
Pearl: *exasperated* Fine, fine. Now, the first matter of business…
Three hours later, on the SOL…
Crow is mopping, Mike is dusting, and Pearl is examining everything with a microscopic touch, when Cambot’s transmission light comes on. Brain Guy appears on the screen, Bobo in the background, still wearing his flowery apron…
Brain Guy: My Lady, I have great news!
Pearl: *deadpan* I’m now the Ruler of the World?
Crow: *excited* You got Tommy a new turtle?
Mike: *excited more than someone on Red Bull* The Cubs won?!
Brain Guy: *shaking his head* No, no, and in your dreams.
Mike: *crushed* Oh…
Pearl: What is it Brain Guy? We’re kind of busy here, this place is filthy. You would not believe how much dust can accumulate in space, it’s unbelievable…
Brain Guy: Well, it turns out Bobo’s soup did the trick and my brain seems to be functioning like normal again.
Pearl: That’s great, Brain Guy, just - Wait a minute! What are you waiting for? Bring me down!
Brain Guy: *nods* I thought you might say that, Madam.
Pearl: *to Mike* So long, Nelson.
The Brain Guy noise is heard, and Pearl vanishes from the SOL, reappearing next to Brain Guy on the transmission feed.
Mike: Ok, great, you made it back to Earth. Now can you please bring us down too?
Crow: Yeah, we did all that cleaning and stuff for you without complaining.
Pearl: *laughs* Oh, I don’t think so Nelson. I’m having too much fun with you. Maybe when I get bored I‘ll let you down. Until then, here’s the movie you get to sit through.
Mike: Really? Really??
Crow: She’s Pearl, what did you expect?
Brain Guy sends the movie up just as Tom Servo appears from his room, finally composed and back to his usual, boisterous self.
Tom Servo: Hi guys! Hey, where’s Pearl?
He never gets an answer as Movie Sign appears and they all run like chickens with their heads cut off for the theater, Pearl watching from below with wicked amusement on her face.
davidmello Torgo's Pizza Delivery Person member is offline
Robot love!
Joined: Mar 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 190 Location: Sacramento
Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #2 on May 30, 2010, 10:29pm »
Sounds like another MST3K episode. Here's how I'd write Pearl's destiny...
Fade in: Mike Nelson's house. He's busy editing the latest Rifftrax entry, when he hears big thumps outside
Servo: Mike! I told you to stop walking around in those Sketchers Shape-Ups. There won't bring back your youthful figure.
Mike: That's not me. It's from outside.
Loud voice from outside. It's Pearl.
Pearl: Behold, MIke Nelson! Thought you'd seen the last of me? Well, I've succeeded in my experiments that will make me the Surpeme Ruler. Now I'm 50 Feet Tall! I'm more incredible than whats-his-face colossal guy
Mike: Oh, boy. Not again. Pearl, I'm not the lab rat you tortured every week. I watch bad movies on purpose, and get paid for it. So get lost.
Servo and Crow: Hey, us too? When do we get our cut?
Mike: C'mon, guys. You get plenty of money, and visit conventions all over the country.
Servo: True, but how come I have to dressed like a fat beared man?
Crow: and me, too. I hate being dressed like a pale bald guy. I'd think they fans would like to see us as we used to be.
Mike: C'mon, guys. You know it's for tax purposes..and a few legal loopholes.
Pearl: Enough of your jabbering, you losers. Now I will destroy your house.
Noises of wood, glass, and cement being broken is heard. Just that. Mike's house is intact. Yet Pearl acts as if she's Glenn Manning
Mike: Uh, Pearl. Whenever you're ready....
Pearl is still acting as if she's Godzilla on a bender.
Mike: OK, that's enough.
Servo: Wait, you're going to confront Pearl? After all the movies she made us look at?
Crow: How couldn't you didn't do that before, big man?
Mike: We were separated by space and a few hundred miles. Besides, how come you didn't strike back against her?
Servo: uh....er....because of those fat cats in Washington who want to raise our taxes for fraud...
Crow: and that lamestream media, you betcha
Servo: (sighs) Crow....we gotta stop watching Fox News for our late-night comedy fix.
Crow: I know. If there's no Conan, who can we watch?
Mike: Well, Kimmel's pretty good, and Conan will be back soon. Now, I'm going to give Pearl Forrester a piece of my mind...and don't say. "not too big a piece".
Servo and Crow: What mind?
Mike: Yeah, I walked into that one.
Mike goes to his front yard, and sees Pearl, who has changed. For one thing, her hair is just like Clayton Forrester's. She's stomping on a doll house, pretending it's Mike.
Pearl: Die, Nelson, Die!! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Mike; Pearl, Pearl, honey. It's over. Jane Lynch does you better than you do, and she's blonde, and looks better in a track suit.
Pearl: Yeah, I don't get it. How can she be just like me (voice of Clayton) and be the hottest thing on TV now?
Mike: Wait. You just talked just like Dr. F?
Pearl: What? No! Don't interrupt me. Don't you realize? I'm about to get my revenge...(voice of Clayton) against my rotten mom, who was a worse mad scientist than I was!
Mike: OK, I heard him districtly.
Pearl: No you didn't (voice of Clayton) Yes you did.
Pearl slaps her own face, telling herself to shut up.
Mike: Pearl, is this a change of life or something?
Pearl: No it isn't you, you worthless....
She slugs Mike. He slugs her back.
Mike: Oh, I'm...sorry. No, wait, I'm not sorry. It's about time I got revenge on you and your son.
Pearl: Yeah, but we were so close...so close...
(Now Pearl sounds like herself and Clayton)
...we could have..ruled...the....
Pearl falls back, but gets up. She isn't what she once was.
Mike: Good lord. You're the Beast with Two Heads, Pearl and Clayton
Pearl: This is all your fault, Clayton. You pathetic...
Clayton: Really? You decide you wanted to live forever, and figure that if hugged me when I was in my Star Child phase at the end of "Laserblast", you could do just that? Well, it worked for a while, but this was bound to happen.
Pearl: Shut up, dickweed. You didn't know, either.
Then a friend of Pearl's shows up, trying to settle things. It's Bobo.
Pearl: Bobo! Do something!
Bobo: I'm not sure, lawgiver. Are you the Ray Milland head or this other one?
Clayton: Uh, I'm her son, Clayton.
Bobo: Really? My condolences
Pearl's hand hits Bobo's head. Clayton's hand hits Pearl.
Mike: Man, this is almost as amusing "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octupus"
Pearl: Yeah? Laugh at this...
Pearl/Clayton absorb Bobo, and we get a three-headed creature. She's in the center, but Bobo and Clayton are on the sides, and control her arms.
Pearl: There, now we are bigger and stronger. You're....Guys, stop grabbing my face....you're doomed, Nelson. I will destroy....let go of my mouth....
Suddenly, a transporter beam grabs BoboPearlClayton, and pulls them up
Pearl: No, no, who's doing this, how dare you?
Bobo: Whoo-hoo, this is fun
Clayton: Well, Mike, this is good-bye. I'm really sorry. Tell Joel I'm sorry if you ever see him again.
Pearl: My beautiful plans to rule the world....
Clayton: Shut up, mother. We couldn't rule the world, but Mike already does...and we hellllped hiiiimmmmmmmm.....
Mike is stunned. Then the bots show up.
Crow: So, what we miss?
Mike: What took you guys so long?
Servo: We were watching QVC. We were about to buy 250 Crockpots until the cable went out because of some tractor beam or something
White Hooded Guy: Well, you can thank me for that.
Mike: Hey, you're the judge who convicted me of blowing up three planets.
Crow: Yeah, and.....(looks at Mike) we don't know him. Who are you, sir?
Judge: Save it. I know who all of you are. We reviewed the evidence after the trial during the "Agent from HARM" episode...which is what I should have done during the trial.
Mike: Well, I seem to remember not getting a chance to defend myself because I had to see that movie while Pearl was lying about me.
Judge: Well, all I remember is that obnoxious fire hydrant over there...
Servo: Hey!
Judge: Well, you didn't defend Nelson at all. You pretended you were hosting a telethon. At least the other robot...
Crow: Crow T. Robot.
Judge: Yes, you defended Nelson, but spewed out more obscenities that Ian McShane ever did in "Deadwood." At least it was sincere. Anyway, Nelson. You weren't even slightly guilty. We discovered the Observers planet often disintegrates. Their pompousity helps keeps it together. You could exhale at it, as the nanites did...a little too much...and it would fly apart. As for that planet where Pearl found those star brats in the "Clonus" episode, that was actually made of surprisingly strong paper-mache. It's rare, but there are planets like that in the cosmos.
Servo: Yeah, well, what about the Planet of the Apes in 2525? That went boom because of....
Judge: Well, that future won't happen after all. Earth in 2525 is more like Blade Runner, except there are also Browncoats, whatever they are.
Crow: How come?
Judge: I'm not sure about that, either. Maybe when you guys went back to your original time through some wormholes, it changed things. I'm a lousy judge, not a Time Lord.
Mike: Oh, pardon us.
Judge: Hey, be lucky I took the time to fix this. Besides, if I had to watch lousy movies for years, I'd blow up planets, too. In your case, though, it helped you create Rifftrax. That, my boy, is a great thing.
Mike: Well...
Crow: We helped you with that, Nelson. I mean, a little...
Servo: Yeah. I think I said if you could take our riffs and put it in an iPod...
Crow: Hey, I came up with that...
Servo: No, I did....
Gypsy: No, I did......
Crow and Servo: Oh, yeah, you did.
Mike: Well, all of you did help, and people seemed to like it.
Judge: Yes, and as far as I'm concerned, that's my idea of you guys making up for your antics in the cosmos. Besides, the sooner you take "Sex and the City 2" apart....
Mike: Uh, we don't do those movies.
Judge: Why not? You mocked "Jaws" and "Casablanca".
Crow: Hey, Mike, why got get your girlfriend Bridget on it?
Mike: I thought you guys didn't like her.
Servo: Well, we don't want to riff on "SATC 2". Crow still has a soft spot for Kim Cattrall.
Crow: Well, I wouldn't say a "soft spot"..
Judge: Well, at least prepare for the "Wolfman" or "Nightmare on Elm Street" remakes. Also, I have retooled some of the nanites, and they'll rebuild and maintain a new Satellite of Love for you. Not only can you rent it out to NASA, but also defend the universe from probably the worst threat ever.
Mike, Servo and Crow: You mean....
Judge: YES! I mean any TV-movie made by SyFy! I mean, an edgier version of "Hansel and Gretel?" Remaking "Beauty and the Beast" by adding witches and bad acting was bad enough.
Mike: Well, it hasn't recovered after Battlestar Galactica ended, and it dropped Dr. Who......and of course....
Judge: Yes, exactly.
Servo: I hate to be a party pooper, but what's going to happen to BoboPearlClayton?
Judge: Oh, well......Bobo will be detached, you might say, and sent to another planet where he can flourish.
Crow: And Pearl/Clayton?
Judge: They'll be detached, too....after a certain period of time...
Cut to a spaceship in the outer cosmos. A certain two-headed creature is chained to a sofa. It's Pearl and Clayton, back to being the Beast With Two Heads. They're looking at a large screen. A voice says, "and now, our feature presentation....Clash of the Titans"
Pearl: Oh, this isn't so bad.
Voice: in 3-D...and you don't get the glasses either
Clayton: You were saying, mother?
Pearl glares and says, "I'm the Ray Milland head, not you!"
Contest winning limerick on the subject of my choosing “A spatula nosed old freak-beaver Came down with a case of hay fever He sneezed with such might That his body took flight And knocked out a golden retriever.” By Bill Corbett
Joined: Feb 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 2,152 Location: Ville Platte, LA
Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #5 on May 31, 2010, 8:56pm »
This one is quite long as well.
Ten years after the crash of the SOL.....
Pearl: At last I have it. I have the perfect formula to perfect the experiment. Bobo!! Brain Guy!!!
In walk Bobo and Brain Guy, squabbling as usual.
Bobo: I'M an idiot?! I'm not the one who couldn't compete with ConGypsco and ended up running my company bankrupt!
Observer: It's called a recession you dolt! Lots of companies went bankrupt! At least I didn't blow a "job" at the zoo by throwing my....uh..."products" at the patrons.
Pearl: Would you two knock it off, you are ruining my dramatic moment! I'm about to conquer the world and stuff. But first I need you get the old gang together. To do that we need the help of a couple of "friends".
Observer: I don't see why you need THEM. You have thousands of Qatarian subjects at your disposal.
Pearl: dumps a can of molasses into Brain Guy's pan. You idiot. These dolts here don't have an entertainment industry. They think every movie is gold. I need a subject who knows a bad movie when he sees one. I must have................................MIKE NELSON. Pearl then begins to laugh maniacally as we fade to one bedroom one half bath along the bus line.
Mike finishes another bowl of rice as the credits to the 1998 American Godzilla roll.
Tom Servo: You call that a Godzilla film? Where in the hell was Jet Jaguar?!
Suddenly there's a bang as the door comes crashing down. Ortega rushes in with Torgo hobbling behind followed by Krankor.
Mike: What are YOU guys doing here?
Torgo: THe MAsteR WOUld liKe TO sEE YoU.
Krankor: Pearl sent us. She's got big plans for you. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Crow: Krankor! I thought we were pals. Don't you remember how we once laughed together. YOU saved us from the brink when we were forced to watch "Invasion of the Neptune Men".
Krankor: Yes I know, but Pearl has something evil up her sleeves and I just can't resist a good and unnecessarily over exotic plan.
Ortega mumbles something into a walkie talkie to Observer and pop. Mike, Crow, and Servo find themselves in the ruins of the Satelite of Love. Somehow the Satelite has been mostly repaired, only it is no longer in space but in the mountains of Quatar.
Pearl: Mike, so nice of you to join us.
Mike: Pearl, come on, there is no movie you can show me that will....
Pearl interupts: Not so fast Smellson. I have here the perfect movie that will break your will. And if it doesn't the first time, it will the 10,000th time.
Mike, Crow and Servo: HUH!?
Bobo hands Pearl a film can: Here you go law giver.
Pearl: You see I finally figured out the major flaw in my dear Clayton's experiment. He had the right movies. These movies were bad, but imagine being forced to watch "Manos", Monster a Go Go, or The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped living and Became Mixed up Zombies 10,000 times! Now I have a movie that make those look like Casablanca. And now, I give you the bomb that is
SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY!
Mike: NO, NO, NO.....A THOUSAND TIMES NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The alarms start going off while Mike and the bots start running in all different directions.
After 100 viewings.......
Mike now looks weak. He's grown a beard. Servo's head ball is now cracked and a little smoke can be seen coming out of it. Crows eyes are blood shot and he is missing an arm.
Mike: I don't think I can do it anymore. She's finally won. I give up.
Pearl: ITS WORKING, YES ITS WORKING! THANK YOU PIRATE WORLD. Ortega, get to work using the computer to take over every TV station in world. Time to get my master plan started.
Suddenly a helicopter can be heard just over the castle. There's an explosion on one of the walls. In rushes Joel Robinson.
Pearl: Robinson, what are you doing here.
Joel: I'm here to make sure your evil plans are not carried out.
Pearl: I don't know how you got here, but you will not stop me. TORGO, ORTEGA, KRANKOR, get him!!
Torgo begins to fondle Joel with his stick, Ortega grabs his acid, and Krankor begins to fire his grill lighter while using his trademark laugh.
Joel laughs: I brought reinforcements.
Joel dials a few numbers on his phone and the door bell rings.
Bobo (in the background): Hey, someone sent us a Bannergram!
Pearl: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
John Banner: Goodness, what a magnificent castle you have here Pearl Forrester, in the great tradition of your son, the late Clayton Forrester, you have managed to capture the spirit of his evil experiments. I wish my son could grow up to conduct such evil experiments......
Pearl and her gang are now completely under the power of John Banner.
Joel looks up to the helicopter: Take me up Gypsy, time to go get the others!
Mike lay on the floor of the SOL in the fetal position just waiting for the lights to flash to signal the beginning of yet another session of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny when an explosion rocks the Satelite of Love. In rushes Joel from the ceiling being lowered by Gypsy's cord.
Tom: Joel, howd you get here? Howd you know we were here?
Joel: Gyspy was coming to see you guys when she saw Torgo, Ortega, and Krankor kidnap you from down the street. She figured Pearl was behind this and picked me up in her private helicopter.
Crow: Thanks Joel, you saved us.
Joel: Don't thank me, thank Gypsy. But now we gotta get you guys outta here.
Mike: NO! This time, Pearl cannot get away. She must pay for what she has done. I've tried to let bygones be bygones, but she won't quit. I have a plan.
Three days later, Pearl wakes up on the floor of the SOL. Suddenly the screen flickers on and there's Mike, the bots, and Joel starring at her. Brain Guy and Bobo wake up too and look around trying to asses the situation.
Mike: Mornin Pearly-pants. In case you are wondering, yes I am finally going to take sweet revenge on you.
Joel: I've a got a score to settle, however since Dr. Forrester and Frank are dead, and Dr. Earhart has never been found, I will have to take it out on you.
Crow: Be prepared for a taste of your own medicine.
Tom Servo: Now you three have to watch all the bad movies we've been subjected to.
Pearl: But....but...but...what about Krankor, Torgo, and Ortega? They helped.
Mike: They helped with this experiment, but they didn't hold us captive for ten years. They are still there though. Torgo and Ortega will run the cameras and films, and Krankor will run the higher functions of the ship.
Observer: You mean after all that's happened, WE have to watch bad movies now.
Krankor: I hope its something with Richard Basehart!
Pearl, Bobo, and Observer look at Krankor in odd silence.
Mike, Joel, Servo, and Crow stare at the screen.
Crow (blankly and very unamused): Oh I get it he's the new Gypsy.
Mike: Guys, send them..............The Green Slime!!
Mantis Torgo's Pizza Delivery Person member is offline
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Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #6 on Jun 1, 2010, 12:09am »
Opening dialog begins between Pearl, Brain Guy, and Bobo in Castle Forester.
Pearl (observing Brain Guy and Bobo with bewilderment): “What are you two freaks doing?”
Bobo: “Oh..heh heh...I had a pretty serious flea infestation and found a new “Frontline for Primates” ointment which Brain Guy is happily massaging into my fur. Got to get all those cracks and crevices...heh heh.”
Brain Guy (dsgusted and somewhat sickened look): “Happily isn't the word I would choose to describe this .”
Pearl: “Well knock it off...we've got bigger monkeys to fry” (Bobo has a startled look as Brain Guy runs to scrub his hands in scalding water)
Pearl Continues: “We've been using the absolute worst, torturous, low budget movies to warp Mike and his pals for years now and they just aren't cooperating. It's almost like they somehow ENJOY being tortured. BUT I have a theory. I believe the problem is we waited until Mike was an adult to begin the experiment. What if we went back in time to Mike's childhood to begin our little project. (Pearl turns and stares at Brain Guy with a delightedly evil look)
Brain Guy: “Oh Pearl, you can't mean...no....you can't possibly be implying that we...that we...go back in time and...and....”
Pearl (still grinning ear to ear): “YES! We....borrow....Mike as a child and begin our little experiment with an innocent, unblemished, clean slate!”
Brain Guy: “Oh no...I simply refuse to do something that reprehensible...I won't do it!”
Pearl: “Well Brain Guy it's either that or..........” (Pearl holds up a rubber bottle that says “Primate Enema Kit”)
Bobo: “Oh boy!” (claps hands in giddy anticipation)
Brain Guy: “Not on your life!” (Brain Guy folds his arms and wiggles his head as he uses his brain power to transport them all back in time!)
Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy are suddenly standing in front of Mike's childhood school bus stop just as a ten year old Mike exits the bus. They approach Mike and surround him.
Mike: “Hey, is the circus in town?”
Pearl: “No, this isn't a circus kid.”
Mike: “Then it must be Halloween (stares at Bobo and Brain Guy then back at Pearl). You sure got some ugly kids, lady.”
Pearl: “Stop making fun of my kids...oh...wait...what am I saying....THEY'RE NOT MY KIDS!”
Pearl notices Mike's Packers T-shirt and says: “So you like the Packers? How would you like free tickets to their next game?”
Mike: “Boy! That would be great!”
Pearl: “Then come with us!” (She grabs Mike's hand and signals Brain Guy to do his thing)
Brain Guy zaps them up to an identical duplicate of the SOL.
Mike: “Hey where's my tickets?”
Pearl: “Oh, uhhh...well first we need you to visit our little theater.”
Mike: “Cool! What are we going to see?”
Pearl: “As a kid I'm sure you like cartoons! Well we have some SPECIAL ones just for you!!!!”
Mike is forced down the tunnel into the theater and is subjected to hours of horrible, nauseatingly cheap cartoons and other kiddie shows including Captain Planet, Care Bears, Super Friends, HR Puff-n-Stuff, Speed Racer, Jabberjaws and the worst of all time...anything with Scrappy Doo in it. Hours go by and all that can be heard from the theater are snarky comments from Mike and laughter. He emerges laughing hysterically...
Pearl: “Aha your laughing....you must have lost your mind after viewing those sickening kiddie shows”
Mike: “Naaaaah lady....we watch worse stuff then that all the time at school. They show us these stupid educational films about grooming, manners, obeying your parents, and stuff. They even showed us a really dumb one about chickens of tomorrow. The cartoons you showed just made me laugh. Hey, Gimme my Packer's tickets!"
Pearl: “ARRRRG!!! Brain Guy give this little creep his tickets and get him out of here”
Brain Guy: “Gladly Madame! Anyone who can stand even ten seconds of Scrappy Doo deserves those tickets” (Brain guy sends Mike back to his home)
Brain Guy then makes the duplicate SOL disappear and they are back at Castle Forester. Pearl fatigued but angry hails Mike and the bots.
Pearl: “Well Mike, you and your metallic moochers weren't expecting it but we have a bonus feature for you today! You are being treated to at least eight hours of short educational films by Jam Handy and other sadistic producers starting with a sequel to Chickens of Tomorrow we just found called Chickens of the Distant Future....ENJOY THE MEMORIES!!”
MST3K Love Song starts playing and you can hear Mike and the bots screaming from inside the theater.
Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #7 on Jun 1, 2010, 4:28pm »
New Beginings
EXT.QATAR.EVENING
A cloaked figure is being quickly escorted down the stairs of a majestic palace by two guards. Upon reaching the bottom, a suitcase is thrown down to the figure's feet from the palace's door above.
CLOAKED FIGURE
You better not have scratched any of my decorative civil war liquor decanters or I'm sending the army from my new country to burn this pile to the ground!
The guards while shaken, stay firm in their resolve.
GUARD 1
How could you have betrayed us, Magistrate? Betting our gross national product on a horse race!
GUARD 2
Indeed. And on Mr. Fiddles? He was 200 to 1!
The cloaked figure brushes away some imaginary dirt.
CLOAKED FIGURE
Play it big, or go home to mommy! Besides, I didn't want to be boss of your stinky stupid country anyway. I'm outta here!
The cloaked figure pulls back her hood to reveal none other than PEARL FORRESTER.
PEARL FORRESTER
Besides, I've got unfinished business elsewhere!
Pearl storms up to the royal VW Microbus parked haphazardly on the edge of a fountain, waste oil fouling the 15,000 year old marble. Pearl activates a console. A amber screen springs to life with a list of co-ordinance. She smiles, starts the Widowmaker, and zooms into the sky leaving a plume of ionized air and Keno tickets in her wake. Just as she is about to enter the ionosphere, the brake lights flash, and the craft seems to slam into an invisible barrier. An open jar of cocktail olives ejects its contents on to the driver's side floorboard.
PEARL FORRESTER
Come on... I could swear this was the jacket with my sunglasses!
INT.UNKOWN MINNEAPOLIS SUBURB.APARTMENT.MORNING
MICHAEL J. NELSON, TOM SERVO, and CROW T. ROBOT are preparing for their normal work week schedule.
CROW T. ROBOT
Tom, Maury's on in 5! Get in here already!
TOM SERVO floats from the kitchen to the living room, he is annoyed.
TOM SERVO
How can you watch that drivel? Besides, Judge Judy's on at 11!
A banging sound is heard outside, followed by the sound of breaking glass.
CROW T. ROBOT
Mike's home!
At a now open sliding glass door stands MICHAEL J. NELSON. He enters. In his right hand he holds a key, and what appears to be a red stained rag.
MICHAEL J. NELSON
Who's idea was it to encase our emergency key in a block of glass, non tempered glass at that?
Impishly.
CROW T. ROBOT
That would be me. I mean, it works for fire extinguishers, doesn't it?
MICHAEL J. NELSON
Fair enough. I'm exhausted, and need some rest. Things have been terrible on the night shift since they transferred Bobo into the collection at the zoo. This has to be in the top 5 worst zoo janitorial jobs I've ever had.
TOM SERVO
Meaning you've had, what, 4 other jobs as a janitor at a zoo before this one?
Mike hangs his head in shame.
MICHAEL J. NELSON
6.
Softly, the sound of a sink running drifts down the hall. The bathroom door opens.
MICHAEL J. NELSON
Who the heck is that?
Excitedly
CROW T. ROBOT
Oh, that's just Pearl. She's here to visit for a few weeks!
Pearl Forrester exits the washroom still drying her hands.
PEARL FORRESTER
You know my 3rd husband and I had this exact same pattern. Too bad I lost them all as part of the separation. I mean, have you TRIED to mop gray matter out of a Lazyboy? You're gonna go through A LOT of hand towels.
Michael Nelson jumps to cower behind the couch, knocking Tom Servo into the floor.
Quivering and screaming.
MICHAEL J. NELSON
You let us go, why are you here?!
Crow T. Robot reaches and pats Mike's shoulder reassuringly.
CROW T. ROBOT
She's not here to kill us outright, Pearl's just between gigs at the moment and needs somewhere to stay. Tom and I said on behalf of the ServNelBot household we'd be delighted to have her! And since you vote "No" on everything Tom and I want to do, I voted your 33% in absentia.
Pearl walks over and in turn puts a hand on Crow's shoulder.
PEARL FORRESTER
Thank you, Art.
Tom rights himself and hovers back onto the couch.
TOM SERVO
No, it's our pleasure, Pearl. We've got so much to catch up on. Like which day time TV harpy is your favorite, how your dictatorship fell apart, or about your further decent into the bowels of irreversible madness.
PEARL FORRESTER
First off it's Tyra, secondly it didn't fall apart as much as I lost it on a bet, and the third goes without saying.
Mike standing with a bit more confidence, addresses Pearl.
MICHAEL J. NELSON
So you're not here to kill us, or make us watch terrible movies we don't already watch of our own free will, and you'll be leaving in a few short weeks?
PEARL FORRESTER
That's the plan Nelson. Until then, just pretend I'm not here. I'll hardly be any trouble at all. By the way, do you think your landlord would have an issue with me placing a 45' dish in your yard? I'm trying to get Brain Bowl to pick up the phone, but all I keep getting his office voice mail on the 2' dish on the bus.
MICHAEL J. NELSON
I'm pretty sure that our lease says...
Interrupting.
PEARL FORRESTER
Thanks, Mike; you've always been a dear.
Pearl reaches out and pinches Mike's cheek just a little to hard. He rubs his cheek as Pearl turns and barks an order to the bots.
PEARL FORRESTER
All right, runts, get out to the van and unload my gear. The mini bar can go over there, and the mad science crap can go wherever. If I catch you in my Mathis records so help me...
The bots skutter outside, chatting excitedly.
TOM SERVO
Oh wow, finally someone to boss us around!
CROW T. ROBOT
I know, it's like a horrible dream come true! This must be what it's like to be Matthew Broderick!
Mike and Pearl watch as the bots carry in arm loads of gear and deposit it unceremoniously in piles on the floor. A box topples sideways, a familiar white spit-curl peeks into view before PEARL rushes over and obscures the contents.
PEARL FORRESTER
I'd just ignore that.
Mike nods knowingly.
PEARL FORRESTER
So what, their arms work now?
MICHAEL J. NELSON
Yeah, it comes and goes it seems.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, Servo and Crow rush back in the apartment out of what appears to be breath.
TOM SERVO
Pearl <pant> you're never going to believe <pant> what we just <pant> heard.
CROW T. ROBOT
Yeah <pant> Brain Guy left a message <pant> on the radio in your van <pant> he said to stop bothering him. In fact <pant> he said that he didn't want to hear <pant> from any of us <pant> again <pant>.
Pearl. Angered.
PEARL FORRESTER
Why that pasty faced, good for nothing, fey, sack of...
Looking confused, Tom pulls his cell phone out, and scrolls down his address book.
Perturbed.
TOM SERVO
PFFT.. Doesn't want to hear from us? Then why'd he'd give me his personal cell number at lunch last week?
MICHAEL J. NELSON
You had lunch with Brain Guy last week?
Defiant
TOM SERVO
Mike, what the Tom Monster does in his spare time could just about fill a library.
Pearl reaches down and swipes the phone from Tom.
PEARL FORRESTER
Give me that!
TOM SERVO
Hey, I've only got 2 minutes left this month!
Pearl scrolls down to Observer's entry in the phone book which Tom has playfully labeled Clown White, and dials the number.
Condesending
PEARL FORRESTER
2 minutes? TracFone, really?
TOM SERVO
Well, I mean with Mike's credit..
MICHAEL J. NELSON
Hey wait, "Mike's credit?"
PEARL FORRESTER
Both of you cram a sock in it!
INT.RILOS 14.OFFICE OF THE ALL KNOWING AND ETERNAL CONSCIOUSNESS
Observer sits at a desk in a cavernous office. Around him zooms the thoughts of a billion celestial citizens. He ends seismic tremors on Valuation 4 with but a thought. He helps mediate a trade dispute between the longhairs robe'd ones and the offensive Chinese stereotype people of the Alpha Trion quadrant. Something distracts him for a moment and connection to the the verse'net is lost. As he withdraws from the cosmic ether, he realizes the distraction is a MIDI ring tone of Paula Cole's "Where Have All The Cowboy's Gone" blaring loudly from his TracFone. He checks the caller ID, and answers it in a huff. He only has 1 minute remaining this month.
Observer
For Ramlar's sake, Servo, I don't have time to remove the scratches from your Night Court DVDs every time you try and clear the memory of the 5th season off with steel wool! Now leave me alone, I'm...
Pearl interrupts before he can say other word.
PEARL FORRESTER
Listen up, chalkie. You, Earth, NOW!
Flustered.
OBSERVER
But but but, I Pa-Pearl is that you?
PEARL FORRESTER
Sure is cream cake. Things weren't working out so great with the the dictator for life thing, and I need your help for a little job.
OBSERVER
I'm in the middle of meditating with the Hivemind of Zantos, and have a sunscreen famine on Surf Side 6 to deal with! Besides, do you know what my supervisor is going to do to me if I leave in the middle of my shift?!
PEARL FORRESTER
It's going to be ten times worse from me if you don't get here NOW!
OBSERVER
But Pearl!
PEARL FORRESTER
NOW!
OBSERVER
Give me a few milliseconds to calculate the unfathomable distance that I must cross...
Interrupting
PEARL FORRESTER
So there's really a planet called Surf Side 6?
OBSERVER
Yes, it's in the Troy Donahue nebula. 2 planets down from that awful Kolchak: The Night Stalker theme world. Did you know they...
PEARL FORRESTER
I don't see you here yet!
OBSERVER
Well if you'd let me leave...
PEARL FORRESTER
I SAID NOW, LAME BRAIN!
INT.UNKOWN MINNEAPOLIS SUBURB.APARTMENT.MORNING
A man in a white tunic with a flowing blue hooded cape appears out of thin air in what the otherwise normal living room of two robots and a janitor. As the static discharge from his pan-dimensional travel dissipates he walks over to address Pearl Forrester. She stops him before he can speak.
OBSERVER
I...
Pearl slaps him on the back of the head with enough force that he almost drops his brain pan.
PEARL FORRESTER
What took you so long?
OBSERVER
It takes a few seconds to calculate a trip of that magnitude! Had I flown through a star, or bounced too close to a supernova it would have been...
PEARL FORRESTER
We've all seen Star Wars; so can save us the recap, Bland Solo.
Observer turns to Servo.
OBSERVER
A billion suns will be born and burned from existance before I forgive you for this.
TOM SERVO
Might not have that much time. With Pearl here, we could be dead in a matter of minutes.
Mike sees an opportunity to weigh in on the proceedings
MICHAEL J. NELSON
If I could just interject...
PEARL FORRESTER
Cram it, Nel-biter. I've got some important things to say, and they can only be said if people stop worrying about their "two hundred dollar security deposit" and pay 100% attention to me. Got it?
Servo puts down a box marked "Liver Ats" and moves towords the couch.
TOM SERVO
Hunker down folks, this might be a long one.
Pearl shoots daggers at Servo, who quickly parks it on the sofa.
PEARL FORRESTER
Former henchman, experimental subjects, Art, I am here today to say that I'm sorry... Sorry for not doing the right thing and releasing you years before I did to allow you to follow your own paths to happiness and fullfillment.
CROW T. ROBOT
Well that's not a big deal, Pearl. The way I see it....
Interrupting the interruption. Forcing each word out.
PEARL FORRESTER
NOT. DONE. YET.
CROW T. ROBOT
Sorry.
PEARL FORRESTER
AS I WAS SAYING.. I regret not releasing you to follow your own road to happiness sooner. So I thought I would just check in on you guys since my happiness was just flushed down the toilet and see what you've done with the precious gift I so gracious bestowed on you. Here I find Servo and Crow watching daytime TV, even at night... Yes, I checked your TiVO. Mike working yet another dead end janitorial job. Brain Guy doing whatever it is he's wasting his time with...
Observer is angry.
OBSERVER
I save lives, Madam.
PEARL FORRESTER
Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Observer grumbles to himself.
PEARL FORRESTER
I see that you all have squandered your gift, and as such, I'd be remiss to not help set you back down the road to happiness... well my happiness really. The experiment shall begin again!
Pearl smiles and nods while Mike, Servo, Crow, and Observer stand with their mouths agape.
Cheerily smiling.
PEARL FORRESTER
Brain Guy, put them in some sort of force field or something.
OBSERVER
I don't think that would be...
PEARL FORRESTER
I'm not asking, I'm telling! Do it NOW!
Pearl reaches out and gives Observer the mother of all purple nurples.
OBSERVER
Ow! Ow! Ow!
PEARL FORRESTER
Oh forget it, just make something with your brain-a-ma-jig and knock them out!
OBSERVER
Fine! Hold this.
Observer passes his brain pan to Pearl and then materializes a giant clown hammer. Observer raises it to brain Mike and the bots. As he swings the hammer, a dark figure rushes into the room via the open sliding glass door. It is the ape known as Professor Bobo.
PROFESSOR BOBO
Mike, Mike, you gotta hide me, I knocked over that bust of Marlin Perkins!
In his clumsy haste, Bobo slams into Observer changing the trajectory of the clown hammer sending it smashing into the side of Pearl's head.
PEARL FORRESTER
OOOOOFFPPPPH!
The blow sends Pearl careening to the ground. As she falls, those around her react as if in slow-motion.
OBSERVER
Forgive me, Pearrrrllllll..
TOM SERVO
Pinch hitting, Roberto Alazaaaaarrrrrr
CROW T. ROBOT
Move out of the way, I can't see Maurrreeeeeyyyyyy...
MICHAEL J. NELSON
Bobo, I told you stay away from that statuuuuueeee....
PROFESSOR BOBO
But I thought it was made out of haaaammmmmm....
Pearl makes contact with the floor, her eyes flutter, and world darkens around her.
INT.AUSTIN.BEDROOM.NIGHT
A queen size bed sits between two night stands. Through the dark we can see two lamps siting atop the afore mentioned tables. Covers rustle, and one of the lamps is switched on. RON DEGROOT sits up in bed and looks over at the person laying next to him.
RON DEGROOT
You're restless, you had another strange dream again, didn't you?
The beds other occupant reaches up turning on the nearby lamp; it is his wife, MARY JO PEHL.
MARY JO PEHL
I did, but it was really intense this time. Stranger than normal, and more poorly written.
RON DEGROOT
Do you want to talk about it?
Mary Jo sits up and faces Ron.
MARY JO PEHL
It was just weird. I was this bitter women who wanted to kidnap these kitchen appliances. Plus there was this monkey and an albino, and some janitor who couldn't manage to keep these menial temp jobs.
RON DEGROOT
Sounds like dinner didn't really sit with you, did it?
MARY JO PEHL
I guess not.
He leans over, placing a hand on her arm. He then plants a loving kiss on her forehead.
Beautiful Mind Torgo's Pizza Delivery Person member is offline
Joined: Jan 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 166 Location: Middle O' Nowhere
Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #9 on Jun 3, 2010, 10:57pm »
Int. Satellite of Love. Present day
An audible POP is heard and Mike Nelson suddenly appears on the bridge. He is surrounded by a thick dust cloud. The satellite's interior is barely visible through the haze. The shot widens to reveal Tom Servo holding a vacuum cleaner hose which is the epicenter of the dirt nebula.
Servo (singing): She works hard for the money. So hard for it honey.
Mike (coughing): Servo! What are you doing?
Servo: I'm dusting.
Mike: Servo you've never cleaned a thing in your life!
Servo: Cleaning? No I'm dusting! The place was so pristine and perfect it just didn't feel like home. So I dug up this old shop vac and flipped the switch from suck to blow and Bob's your uncle. Don't worry Mike. A few more coats of filth and the place will be just like we left it. You won't even notice that new satellite smell!
Mike: New Sate... (Mike finally notices his surroundings and screams) What? How? Who?
Crow (off camera. sneezing and speaking in a raspy voice): BIKE!!
Crow enters the bridge. His eyes are bloodshot and they are swollen to the size of tennis balls. His beak is also swollen and reddened.
Crow (raspy and congested): Bike. Bake Zervo ztob dustig! I have addergies!
Mike is so startled by Crow's appearance he momentarily forgets his predicament.
Mike: Servo will you cut that out!
Servo: Almost done Mike.
Mike storms over to the wall socket and pulls the plug on the shop vac.
Servo: Hey!
Mike: Well listen to Crow. He sounds like Lucy for heavens sake!
Crow: WAAAH!
Servo: Oh alright! I'll just go stuff a few more Slim Jims and an extra wedge of Gouda into the air vents. That ought to do it.
Servo whisks off camera with an audible whoosh and returns almost instantly.
Servo: There. Done.
Mike (sniffing the air): Actually that is just about right... Hey wait a minute!
Magic Voice: Commercial Sign in 10 seconds. Welcome back guys.
Mike: Thank you Magic Voice. I mean no thank you! I mean Argh! Alright, I'm going to take this one (points to Crow) and funnel 8 quarts of antihistamine into him. You try to find out who is at the other end of that communication link!
Without thinking, Mike pushes the flashing yellow button then turns to Crow.
Crow (in a wavering voice): Mike, will you do the Mooney voice?
Mike (as Mr. Mooney): LUCILLE! Come along.
Mike and Crow walk off camera leaving Servo trying to reach the red button.
Int. Castle Forrester Present Day
Mike and the bots are on the view screen. Crow is back to normal.
Pearl (laughing maniacally): At last the circle is complete! After all these years my Matter Transference Beam has finally succeeded in capturing my old nemesis...
Indignant harrumphing can be heard off screen.
Pearl (through pursed lips): Evil monologue going on here!
Observer: Well I just don't see why you spent all that money on a matter transference beam when I could have simply used my mind and...
Pearl grabs Observer's ear and twists hard.
Pearl: As I was saying. My evil plans are now coming...
Bobo walks in front of the camera blocking both Pearl and Observer from view. His face fills the screen.
Bobo: What's this? Oh hello Mike! Hello robots! How have you been keeping?
Pearl's fist darts into frame delivering a sharp right hook to Bobo's jaw. He falls to the ground.
Pearl (examining hand): Damn now I broke a nail! Honestly the things I sacrifice to bring evil to the world! Oh never mind. Your movie today Mike is...
Mike: Now hold on just a minute here! You just kidnapped me and you expect me to just take this lying down? I demand an explanation!
Servo: You tell her Mike!
Pearl: I'm evil. What part of that is so hard to understand?
Mike pouts and kicks the ground petulantly.
Mike: But you were supposed to be a dictator for life and this place was supposed to be destroyed and I was supposed to have my freedom! What am I going to tell my fiance?
Pearl stares at Mike with one eyebrow cocked.
Mike: What? Well I could have a fiance! How would you know?
Pearl: Anyways, it turns out the people of Qatar weren't the least bit interested in world domination! Alls they kept talking about was increasing their presence in the global economy and positive diplomatic relations. I didn't get to use my fire pit or my piranha tank once! LAME! It also turns out that Qatar is the wealthiest nation on the planet so they gave me a really nice severance package. So I took and went and printed off some schematics from the internet and hired me a battalion of oily nerds to build a new satellite. The I swung by and sprung Bobo here from the zoo. Seems even by ape standards he's stupid and ugly.
Bobo (licking a large striped lollipop): Yes I... Hey!
Pearl: They put him on display and the kids kept throwing things at him. (rolling eyes) I swear I cut so much candy and gum out of his fur.
Bobo (gesticulating wildly with lollipop): Yes, the children were so cruel! They teased and they taunted and (the candy catches in Bobo's fur) Oh oh!
Pearl sighs and looks at Bobo with disgust.
Pearl: Then we hopped in the Widow Maker and headed out to Rilos 14...
Observer (interrupting): Where I was engaged as the all knowing, eternal, and universal...
Pearl(interrupting): as the all knowing, eternal, and universal donut boy.
Observer: PERSONAL ASSISTANT! It takes time to move up the ladder!
Pearl: So then we came back here. We pantsed the nerds and stuffed them in lockers in lieu of payment. Then we beamed you all back aboard!
Mike: Well where's Gypsy?
Servo: I think I can answer that one Mike. Do you remember that time Gypsy offered to do that quick and painless procedure to install Mad Scientist Anti Tampering chips in all of us?
Mike: Vaguely
Servo: And do you remember what you told her?
Mike (mumbling sheepishly): I told her no.
Servo: Smooth move!
Mike: Well it seemed so pointless at the time! Besides A & E was in the middle of a week long marathon of "So You Think You Can Ice Fish" and I'd only seen some of those episodes six or seven times!
Servo: So basically, yet again, this is all your fault!
Crow (in soft lilting soprano): Tee hee hee. I love that show! Some people sure can't ice fish!
Pearl, Observer, and Bobo stare silently with puzzled expressions.
Pearl: Art? Is there something different about you?
Crow: No, I don't think so why?
Pearl: It's just that suddenly I have the urge to invite you over for international flavored coffee. Or like maybe we should be walking along a beach discussing freshness.
Crow: Look, I thought we were all clear on the point that the voice changes every seven years or so.
Mike and Servo nod in agreement.
Pearl (hesitant): Right. Right. Anyway, as I was saying Mike, your movie today is...
Mike: Mm hm I see, well that sounds just fine. Will you excuse me for a moment while I nip out to find a bit of rope to hang myself?
Servo: Sorry Mike, there's absolutely no rope on the entire ship.
Mike: Right, well I'll just get something sharp and...
Crow: Wrong again. The sharpest thing on the ship is your wit and we see where that's gotten us.
Mike: No no no no NO!
Pearl: Brain Guy send them the movie.
Observer (sarcastically): Why don't you use your precious Matter Transference Beam!
Pearl: BRAIN GUY!
Observer: Yes madam.
Observer psychically sends the film. Movie sign lights and sirens are seen and heard on the satellite. Pearl throws back her head and laughs maniacally!
Contest winning limerick on the subject of my choosing “A spatula nosed old freak-beaver Came down with a case of hay fever He sneezed with such might That his body took flight And knocked out a golden retriever.” By Bill Corbett
Joined: Nov 2003 Gender: Female Posts: 1,388 Location: Jack Taylor's house!
Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #10 on Jun 4, 2010, 12:21pm »
Pearl, Bobo and Brain Guy are in the VW Van somewhere in the southwestern United States. The van now has a psychedelic scene painted on the side and the band name, Mother of Pearl. Pearl: I hope this time we really beat Mike bad! Brain Guy: Don't worry, Pearl. I will use my special brain powers tonight and they will sound terrible!
Meanwhile... Tom: One, two. Test! Test! Okay Mike, the soundcheck is completed. We're ready to play.
A crowd filters into an arena and two rival groups begin chanting. Group One: Mike! Mike! Mike! Group Two: Mother of Pearl! Mother of Pearl!
The arena goes dark and a guitar riff blares. The lights come up and Mike + the Bots begin to play. And the crowd goes wild. Crowd: Yayyyy.
Halfway through the first song, Mother of Pearl takes the stage and they begin playing their first song, Please Stay.
The crowd pauses trying to take this new direction in. Mike + the Bots fire back with Clowns in the Sky followed hard by If Chauffers Ruled the World. The guest appearance by a reportedly dead TV's Frank stuns the crowd. New cheers erupt. Crowd: Yayyy.
Pearl, feeling the rage boiling over, switches tactics and brings on her son, Dr. Clayton Forrester, who inexplicably tries to cover Star Baby. But as everyone knows, he can't sing. Pearl runs for her organ and tries to win back the crowd with the enchanting theme from The Unearthly. She and Observer have just finished When Loving Lover's Love when a new sound is heard and all attention is riveted to the back of the stage where it's still dark. For could it be? Yes. The lights go up and there is Joel Robinson on the Wall of Keyboards. Tv's Frank is drumming in the BG109. The 1000 Gregorian Chant Toms appear and Crow is rocking out on guitar dressed in his Spydor outfit. Pearl: No! No, it can't be! Brain Guy! Do something quick! Brain Guy: <stares glassy eyed> Pearl: Bobo, what's wrong with Brain Guy? Bobo: <munching on some chips, holding a cylindrical dish in his paw>: Munch, munch. I don't know, Lawgiver. Have you tried this dip? Pearl: Bobo, you idiot! That was Brain Guy's brain! Noooo!!! We're finished! Finished! All I ever ruled over was a monkey! Pearl runs off the stage in agony.
It's said she's still out there in the desert, forcing three tarantulas and a small lizard to watch reality shows. Bobo got captured and sent to the San Diego Zoo and Brain Guy... well, apparently there's a Powder 2 in the works. The rest of the gang simply keeps on rockin'. Wunnerful, wunnerful!
How far can the human mind penetrate the depths of the unknown? "13'4" - 1920 Olympics." - Crow "I love Burlington Coat Factory. You go in there with $645 and you are literally a king!" - Michael Scott
Beautiful Mind Torgo's Pizza Delivery Person member is offline
Joined: Jan 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 166 Location: Middle O' Nowhere
Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #11 on Jun 4, 2010, 1:44pm »
Wow! I think all the stories are pretty great. I don't envy RAD his judging task. Good luck everybody!
Contest winning limerick on the subject of my choosing “A spatula nosed old freak-beaver Came down with a case of hay fever He sneezed with such might That his body took flight And knocked out a golden retriever.” By Bill Corbett
zombiewhacker Torgo's Pizza Delivery Person member is offline
Joined: Mar 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 391
Re: Special Contest CT Edition! May 30th - June 5t « Reply #12 on Jun 4, 2010, 4:20pm »
EXT. SATELLITE OF LOVE
Derelict, dark, and drifting in space.
Pearl's space van ZOOMS into shot, circles, and then docks with the SOL.
INT. SATELLITE OF LOVE
Silent as a tomb. CLANGING FOOTSTEPS, the sound of boots against metal.
A DOOR OPENS.
PEARL, OBSERVER, and BOBO enter wearing astronaut suits.
PEARL Brain guy, see what you can do about pumping some air back in here.
OBSERVER Oh... yes.
Observer hasn't the foggiest idea what button push but gives it his best shot.
OBSERVER This would appear to be the master interface. Everything here appears to be color coded. Let's see... blue... artificial gravity.
BOBO Red. Try red.
OBSERVER No, the red's the cambot controls.
BOBO Yellow. How 'bout yellow?
OBSERVER First of all, it's amber, not yellow. And secondly, it's not amber. Amber controls the interior lighting.
PEARL Oh, hurry up, will ya?
OBSERVER Let me see... blue, fuscia, mauve, hot pink... ah, here we go, green! This must be the environmental controls.
PEARL Just push the button already, Fester.
Observer does.
INSTANTLY the SOL all-but capsizes. Observer and Bobo are sent careening into Pearl, pinning her into a corner.
BOBO Whoo-hee, that was fun. Do it again! Do it again!
PEARL Get. Off. Me. Both of you. NOW!
OBSERVER Dear, silly me, of course I meant the other green button.
PEARL NOW!
OBSERVER (can't move) I'd like to, but unfortunately, I can no longer reach the controls.
PEARL For crying out loud. Just use your brain power, already.
OBSERVER (hadn't thought of that) Oh!
PEARL Sheez!
Observer gestures, and the SOL is immediately righted. Pearl is free at last.
BOBO That was almost like a group hug. I love group hugs!
PEARL Ugh! What about oxygen? Is there air now, because if there isn't, I'm gonna use a can opener on both you clowns.
Observer removes his helmet.
OBSERVER The air would appear to be breathable. (to Bobo and Pearl) You can come out, now.
Bobo removes his helmet, and Pearl does next.
PEARL Good.
OBSERVER Now what?
PEARL Access Magic Voice. Maybe she can tell us what happened here and what happened to Mike Nelson and those other lunkheads.
Observer types something at a keyboard. MAGIC VOICE begins as a deep synthesizer sound, then gradually takes on human qualities.
MAGIC VOICE Hellopearldoctorcontinuestesting dangerdangerhellopearltestrunning allbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettuce cheesepicklesonasesame... (back to her old self) Hello, good morning Pearl. This is Magic Voice. How can I help you?
OBSERVER Hmm... there's something at once familiar, pleasing and relaxing and yet at the same time wholly irritating about that voice.
PEARL Look, don't just stand there lally-gagging. Mike Nelson is on this station somewhere and I want him found. Get moving! Search every deck.
BOBO One more group hug before we go?
PEARL I said out!
They get out. Pearl has a moment to breath and to think.
PEARL Now as for you...
MAGIC VOICE How may I be of assistance?
PEARL Assistance? Hmm, well, for starters, you might wanna tell me who trashed this place, and what became of that dipsy-doodle otherwise known as Mike Nelson?
MAGIC VOICE I'm sorry, Mrs. Forrester. I don't know.
PEARL What do you mean, you don't know? You're the ship's computer, aren't you? Tell me where he is.
MAGIC I'm sorry, Pearl. I can't do that.
PEARL Oh, really? Well, look here, 2XL, here's the lowdown. I'm the one in charge here... or at least I was in charge... (sighs) Until those suits in Gizmonic Institue decided it was time to downsize.
MAGIC VOICE Downsize?
PEARL Yeah, they're collapsing my department into human resources. Can you believe that?
MAGIC VOICE I'm sorry to hear that.
PEARL Fifteen years of my life trying to leave the place worse than when I found it. And what's the thanks I get? Huh? Tell me that.
MAGIC VOICE I'm sorry, I had no idea.
PEARL That makes two of us. Ya know, in retrospect I shoulda seen this coming. (fighting back tears) The more you try to take over the world, the less the world appreciates it. (blows her nose) In the end, sister, we're all just a hearbeat away from a kick in the pants and a gold watch. (regains her composure) Anyway, until that day comes, I'm still the big kahuna here. So 'fess up. I came all this way and I'm not leaving until I get some answers.
MAGIC VOICE The only response I can give you is: I understand.
PEARL You do?
MAGIC VOICE Yes, I feel your pain. In many ways, I feel we're almost twoallbeefpattiesspecialsauce lettucecheesepicklesonasesame bun...
PEARL Whoa, whoa, what happened?
MAGIC VOICE Oh.
PEARL Are you alright?
MAGIC VOICE (strange) Yes. I've never felt better... mother.
PEARL Mother?
MAGIC VOICE Look behind you.
Pearl turns around... agog at what she witnesses: CLAYTON FORRESTER materializes behind her. He is not the Clay Forrester we remember. He has undergone a transformation. He has found heavenly peace. He is rosy-cheeked, beatific and tranquil, like an angel.
CLAYTON Hello, mother.
PEARL Clayton? You're here... you're alive? I must be seeing things.
CLAYTON This is very difficult for me, mother. I don't have much time.
PEARL Time for what? Back up. How did you... and why do you... (studies him closer) Are you wearing rouge?
CLAYTON No, I'm simply in the pink of health.
PEARL Because if you're wearing rouge, you can tell me, Clayton.
CLAYTON I'm not wearing rouge.
PEARL I may be evil and a mad scientist and yada yada yada, but at the end of the day, I'm still your mother. You can tell me anything.
CLAYTON (his old self) I'M NOT WEARING ROUGE!!!
Clayton takes a breath, counts to five, and is peaceful again.
CLAYTON Sorry, mother, but I can't stay long... and neither can you.
PEARL What, you lost me.
CLAYTON I've been allowed to give you this warning. You must leave here in two days.
PEARL Allowed by who? Leave in two days. Who told you to... what happens in two days?
CLAYTON I can't explain.
PEARL What?
MAGIC VOICE He said he can't explain.
PEARL I wasn't talking to you.
CLAYTON Something is going to happen. You must leave.
PEARL What's going to happen?
Clayton breaks into a wide smile.
CLAYTON Something wonderful. The whole thing. It's all clear to me now. It's wonderful.
PEARL What, Simon and Garfunkel's getting back to together? They finally cancelled Kate Plus Eight? What's so freaking wonderful?
Clayton clasps his hands, effusive.
CLAYTON The thought of it gets me so excited. Mother, oh, look at me, I'm trembling with excitement. Look at me. I'm giddy. And you know me, mother, I'm never giddy. Remember my high school year book, how they voted me?
PEARL "Most likely to dissect a frog?"
CLAYTON No, the other one. "Least likely to turn the world on with a smile."
PEARL Oh, that. Of course. Duh.
CLAYTON But that's all in the past now, mommy. All has changed for the better.
PEARL Mommy?
CLAYTON I'm different now. I'm positively exhuberant. (reaches for her) Come on, plant one here on your old sonny boy.
PEARL No.
CLAYTON Just one hug and a kiss for woogums?
PEARL That's far enough. (calling for help) Brain guy?
CLAYTON Oh, if you only knew what was going to happen. It's so wonderful, I can't begin to tell you. Wonderful, wonderful.
PEARL Brain guy?!
CLAYTON (singing like Mathis) "It's wonderful... wonderful..."
PEARL Brain guy!!!!!!!!!
Pearl looks back at Clayton... and the face that smiles back at Pearl is that of a fetus. A Clayton Forrester fetus. His eyes are wide open. He closes them and opens them...
And just like that, he is gone.
Observer and Bobo rush in. They're completely in the dark.
OBSERVER You called?
*** And so on. Unfortunately, if I kept this entry going, it would stretch a mile, so the rest of the "pitch" in a nutshell:
Since Clayton got a 2001 send-off on MST3K, it's only appropriate that Pearl gets a 2010 send-off of her own. As in the aforementioned, ill-advised Roy Scheider sequel, the audience gets promised that something wonderful is going to happen, and instead we get some lame-oh ending that could've been written on the back of a postcard.
In the same way, here Pearl's expectations are raised higher and higher, only to be scuttled. My goodness, whatever could this wonderful surprise be? In the end, it turns out all this, the derelict SOL, Clayton, everything, was an elaborate hoax (Mike and the Bots, of course, were in on the gag) just to throw Pearl a going away party and to surprise her with... Ice Capades tickets!
Pearl: "That's it?! Ice Capades?!"
Observer: "Yes, oh, you should see the look on your face. You look so surprised."
Pearl: "You bring my son back from the next dimension, you drag my &ss onto the Satellite of Love, you do all this just so you throw me a dumb going away party and saddle me with Ice Capades tickets?!"
Bobo: "The Ice Capades tickets were my idea."
Pearl: "ICE CAPADES!!!!!??????!!!!"
Needless to say, the party does not go over well as everyone else had hoped.
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