Climax!
Presents:
Casino Royale
A man walks into the Casino Royale, as a car drives by and shoots at him. Ducking behind the tree, the assassination attempt fails. The man's name is James Bond, an
American secret service agent. Inside he meets Clarence Leiter, a British agent of Station S (
Viewer's Note: Silly American audiences. It's supposed to be the other way around. Always gotta root for the home team, I suppose.). Disguising their conversation as a description of the game baccarat to all that pass by, Leiter gives Bond his assignment. Le Chiffre, a treasurer for the soviets, has lost nearly all of his money, and is attempting to win it back in a game of baccarat. Bond, an expert card player, is needed to foil his plan.
Bond goes back to his room to get ready for his big game. And Le Chiffre, on to Mr. Bond, sends an old flame, Valerie Mathis up to send him a warning that Le Chiffre is dangerous. Upon meeting her, Bond informs Valerie that he, himself, knows she's working for Le Chiffre and that his room is wiretapped, and sends her back (not without a little make out session, of course).
Bond returns downstairs to play cards, but just before it, receives a phone call stating that if he wins the game, Valerie will die. Bond enters the game anyway, and loses. Yet an envelope arrives with cash inside, from Valerie Mathis herself, assuring that Bond could continue. Bond continues playing, and beats Le Chiffre in two hands.
As soon as Bond wins, he finds a gun to his back, with the gunman urging Bond to hand over his winnings over. Quickly disarming the gunman, receives his check and races to find Valerie. While searching, he hides the check in his room, only to get caught afterward by Le Chiffre and his strongmen, who is holding Valerie hostage as well. Le Chiffre demands Bond's check, but when Bond refuses to tell him where it is, Le Chiffre takes him to a bathtub and...clips Bond's toenails? Apparently it's a torture of some sort.
Finally, Le Chiffre's men begin tearing the place apart. While alone with Valerie, Bond escapes from his restraints, beats up the goons and fires a shot in Le Chiffre's shoulder. Bond tells Valerie to call the police.
Review
Climax! was a television series in the mid-50's which put on an hour long "movie" live every week. The series optioned James Bond's debut novel from Ian Fleming, and this little feature was born, starring Barry Nelson as the very
first James Bond (I wonder how many times he's gotten laid with that fact, only to be mistaken for Sean Connery).
The entire thing plays out like a mini-play that you can watch from your own home. It's a novel idea, but it amounts to little more than rehearsed actors going through the motions and try to hit their marks instead of putting in a genuine performance. It's amusing to watch Nelson more than the others, since he's playing a beloved film icon before he was an icon. Nelson isn't smooth by any means of the word, and it's rather amusing to watch him awkwardly try to be. There's a hilarious scene early on, in which he and Clarence Leiter try to have a "spy conversation" in the middle of a casino, only to awkwardly change what they say every time somebody walks by. They're like two 13 year olds looking at porn and trying to hide it from the teacher.
Actors sometimes mumble and mis-say their lines, but professionally try and cover it up. Probably the biggest offender is Peter Lorre, who plays Le Chiffre. He seems to be trying to make the dialogue sound more organic, but it often comes at the expense of what he's saying not making any sense. There are even a few times in which he changes what he's saying mid-sentence, second guessing what his dialogue is.
That said, Climax! is a neat little show. If I were alive in the 50's, I'd imagine that I'd regularly tune in for it. Its take on Casino Royale is talky and cheap, but I must say I had more fun watching it than the other adaptations of the book. Especially the following one.
The Bitch is Dead.
The evil Soviet agency SMERSH is killing off MI6 agents, and the heads of the secret service can turn only to one man...the original James Bond. Long since retired and having passed his legacy and namesake on to someone else, Bond is tired of the agency and wishes to have no part in it. Refusing to help, his former boss, M, blows up Bond's mansion ensuring that he had nowhere to go but with him.
Apparently M also died in that explosion (Huh?), and Bond goes to inform his widow of the news. What happens afterwards I can't make heads or tails of. Apparently M's widow has been replaced by an enemy spy, and Bond fights off the advances of her and her 11 daughters, watches them all pass out at a dinner party, and tosses around stone balls with bodybuilders.
Sigh. Whatever. What's next?
Bond takes over for M at the secret service. After discovering all of their assassinated agents were killed after having sex, Bond assigns his secretary, Ms. Moneypenny to train the most desirable agent to not be attracted to women. Her ::cough::ahem:: studies leads to a Kama Sutra black belt named Cooper. Impressed with his resume, Bond recruits Cooper as the new agent 007, code name: James Bond.
Bond (Original-Bond, not Cooper-Bond) then assigns agent Vesper Lynd to meet with baccarat expert Evelyn Tremble (contrary to the name, Tremble is a man). Vesper seduces Tremble up to her suite, where she twirls in slow-mo on the bed and he does pushups. Don't ask me why, I stopped following this movie long ago. Vesper makes Tremble an offer of half the winnings if he will agree to play SMERSH agent Le Chiffre in a game of baccarat. With the deal, comes a code name for Tremble...James Bond!
Original-Bond has yet more to this overly complex plan up his sleeve. He seeks out his bastard daughter, Mata, to infiltrate SMERSH and steal valuable film La Chiffre was auctioning off. Without the film, Le Chiffre finds himself desperate for cash and has no choice but to accept Trembles-Bond's challenge. However, Mata is taken hostage.
At the Casino Royale, Tremble-Bond and Le Chiffre go head to head in an intense game of baccarat where they each keep getting the same cards over and over again. Tremble-Bond comes out the victor, so La Chiffre kidnaps Vesper-Bond (apparently she's been bestowed with the James Bond code name as well). Tremble-Bond gets into a race car and goes after them.
Somehow, Tremble-Bond got captured (we're not shown how. Apparently Peter Sellers quit/got fired before the scene was filmed), and La Chiffre begins to mentally torture him. In the midst of Tremble-Bond's hallucination, Vesper-Bond storms in and shoots all the imaginary people with bagpipes that are apparently a machine gun of some sort. Afterward, SMERSH agents storm in and kill La Chiffre for failing to win the money.
Original-Bond then takes Ms. Moneypenny and Cooper-Bond to rescue the kidnapped Mata. Raiding SMERSH headquarters, they discover that Dr. Noah, evil leader of SMERSH, is actually Original-Bond's nephew, Jimmy Bond. Jimmy intends to release a germ upon the earth which will kill all men taller than 4'6". His henchwomen capture the Bonds and Moneypenny as he heads into the back to seduce his chosen mate, the most attractive woman that Original-Bond had given the codename of James Bond, who was formerly under the code name of the Detainer. Jimmy spills his entire plan to Detainer-Bond, including a part about a tiny pill which will eventually cause the unfortunate person that swallows it to explode. Pretending to give in to his charms, Detainer-Bond feeds him the pill.
Meanwhile, Original-Bond, Cooper-Bond, and Moneypenny escape from custody into the Casino Royale, where Vesper-Bond, who I guess is a double agent now, tries to kill them.
After this, the movie just plain gives up. Extras storm the casino set and start brawling for what seems like an eternity until Jimmy finally blows up, killing everyone. The end. I kid you not.
Review
Apparently the rights to the Casino Royale novel were separate from the rights to the rest of the series due to the Climax! adaptation, which somehow found its way into the hands of Columbia Pictures. Knowing they were unable to make an "official" Bond picture, they used their license to a Bond property to make a genre parody.
It's kind of a tacky way of treating the debut novel of the time's biggest pop culture icon, but if the end result was funny, who cares? Unfortunately it's not. Casino Royale has some fun ideas, but when it starts to become promising, it downgrades itself to a supreme mess.
The film's at its strongest when Peter Sellers takes center stage as Evelyn Trembles/James Bond. Having played Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther and a Shot in the Dark prior to Casino Royale, Sellers is no stranger to this type of parody. He struggles to find the joke in the scene and tries to push it into the foreground instead of hiding it like the rest of the movie. All too often in Casino Royale, I find myself confused as to where the humor is. There are scenes in which the movie makes it obvious that I'm supposed to be laughing, yet I can't exactly figure out
what I'm supposed to be laughing at.
Backing up Sellers' during his portion of the movie is original Bond girl Ursula Andress (Dr. No) and the legendary Orson Welles (Citizen Kane.......and Tranformers: The Movie. There! I lumped the two together and you can't take that away!). Andress is just as sexy as she was 6 years prior opposite Sean Connery, and seems to be enjoying more time in the Bond light. Welles would have made a grand villain in a
real Bond movie, but instead finds himself stuck here in this second rate comedy. He is fantastic with what little screen time he has.
It should be noted that this portion is also the
only part of the film that even
remotely resembles the Casino Royale novel. It has its moments, but I would have rather Sean Connery to be behind that card table playing it seriously. A 60's Casino Royale made by EON would have been grand.
The rest of the film belongs to David Niven, who is supposedly the original James Bond. Niven is very dry, and really only serves to react to absurdity. And there is a lot of absurdity to go around. Sellers probably could have sold this film, but Niven just doesn't have it in him. Woody Allen gathers a few laughs (that's one of the few times I have ever uttered this phrase), but, like everyone else, quickly becomes lost in the chaos.
I'm told the film has a devoted fan base
because it's chaotic and doesn't make sense, but try as I may, I can't accept it on its own terms. The film is an outright disaster. I'd rather sit through the worst Austin Powers film (Goldmember to the uninitiated) 5 times in a row than indulge this movie's insanity again. At least that's a puzzle that is put together.
"Vodka Martini."
"Shaken or stirred?"
"Do I look like I give a damn?"
After achieving his status as 007, MI6 agent James Bond latest mission is to track a bomb maker in Madagascar that could potentially lead MI6 straight to a secret terrorist organization. When a fellow agent gives away their position, Bond is forced to chase down the suspect to the Nambutu embassy, ensuring asylum. Against orders, Bond shoots the suspect and blows up part of the embassy to escape in the confusion. Bond acquires his target's cell phone and finds a text message merely reading "ELLIPSIS."
Back at MI6, head official M is facing heat for Bonds actions. Unknown to her at the time, Bond has broken into her house and hacked into her computer to read her files. M discovers him and scolds him for various reasons. After getting kicked out of her house, Bond deduces that his next destination is the Bahamas.
Once there, Bond tracks Alex Dimitrios, whom he suspects was working with the bomb maker in Madagascar. Winning Dimitrios' car in a game of Texas Hold 'Em at a local resort casino, Bond later seduces his wife while he is out meeting Le Chiffre, a banker involved in shady dealings. Upon seducing information out of Dimitrios' wife, Bond discovers that Dimitrios is heading to Miami that night. Abandoning his affair with the woman, Bond drives off to track Dimitrios at the airport.
At the airport, Bond witnesses Dimitrios switch bags with another man, but Dimitrios has spotted Bond. After a struggle that leaves Dimitrios dead, Bond tracks the new suspect to airport security. Inside the bag were a security uniform and the word ELLIPSIS was the access code. The man highjacks a fuel truck and attempts to blow up a prototype airliner. Bond highjacks the truck, straps the bomb to the suspect (effectively eliminating him), and saves the prototype. And is caught by security in the process.
The incident puts Le Chiffre in a bind, having investors that have optioned the stock of the airliner, losing over $100 million in the process. Le Chiffre must earn back the money to pay off the debt.
Upon M and MI6's arrival in the Bahamas, they discover the body of Dimitrios' wife, who had been tortured and murdered for her betrayal. M deduces that Le Chiffre was to make a fortune on the destruction of the airliner and has kept tabs on him, and discovered that he has entered a Texas Hold 'Em tournament at the Casino Royale in Montenegro. M assigns Bond to enter the card game in an attempt to prevent Le Chiffre from winning back the money in hopes that he will turn himself in for asylum in exchange for information.
Bond is partnered with Vesper Lynd, an MI6 treasurer who provides Bond with the money needed to enter the game, and Rene Mathis, a French operative who covers their tracks. Bond acquires $10 million to enter the game, and the rest is up to him.
After a night's play, Bond loses a fateful hand which costs him everything he has. Desperate to come out a victor, Bond plots a crude attempt to murder Le Chiffre until he's stopped by CIA agent Felix Leiter. Also entered in the game for the same reason, Felix proves to be an ineffective player. Felix, recognizing Bond as the superior card player and the only person at the table who could possibly match Le Chiffre, offers Bond the money he needs to continue playing, in exchange for Le Chiffre when he is caught. Bond agrees.
After hours of play and an attempt on his life, Bond regains his lost money. Another opportunity to go all-in with Le Chiffre arises, and this time Bond emerges the victor.
That night, Bond celebrates by dining with Vesper. Vesper receives a message from Mathis stating he needs to see her right way. Suspicious of the message, Bond follows her outside where she is ambushed by Le Chiffre's men and taken in a van. Bond follows them in his car all the way outside of the city, where Le Chiffre's men leave Vesper in the middle of the road and Bond nearly hits her. Swerving out of the way, Bond crashes his car. Le Chiffre takes Bond hostage as well, revealing to him that Mathis was working for him all along.
Le Chiffre takes Bond and Vesper to a discreet location where Le Chiffre tortures Bond by beating his testicles with a rug beater (
Viewers Note: The most painful to watch scene ever filmed) in an attempt to get Bond to reveal his access code to the account the money winnings were transferred to. Bond holds his tongue long enough for an assassin from a secret organization to break in and point his gun at Le Chiffre. Le Chiffre begs for his life but the assassin shows no mercy.
Hours later, Bond and Vesper are found and MI6 nurses Bond back to health and arrest Mathis. After spending days on the beach together, Bond declares his love for Vesper and Vesper does the same. Bond tells Vesper he's quitting MI6 and wants to run off with her. She agrees.
Bond and Vesper wind up in Italy. One morning, Vesper leaves for the bank, leaving Bond at the hotel. Bond receives a call from M, asking when Bond was going to transfer the winnings to the treasury. Under the assumption that the winnings had already been transferred, Bond begins to suspect Vesper and follows her to a secret meeting, where she is giving the winnings to two unknown men. Bond accidentally gives away his position and a shoot out that winds up in a building sinking in the river results. Bond kills the unknown men, but Vesper locks herself in an elevator. Trapped inside, she drowns, and Bond is unable to save her.
Upon contacting M to relay the latest events, M informs him that Vesper had been Le Chiffre's informant, not Mathis. Vesper was under blackmail, with her boyfriend held hostage. Bond tells M to keep Mathis in custody, learning the lesson to trust no one. Bond then checks his cell phone and finds that Vesper had sent him a text message that simply read "Mr. White."
Bond tracks down Mr. White to his residence in Italy, where Bond calls him on his sell phone asking "Mr. White?" White answers "Who is this?" And Bond promptly shoots him in the leg. Preparing to take him into custody, Bond walks up to him and says "The name's Bond. James Bond."
Review
The first true Bond adaptation of an Ian Fleming work in a
long time, Casino Royale is praised by many as a return to form for the franchise and the best Bond film since the 60's. I'd very much like to confirm that, but it's not an opinion I share. I feel the film goes through patches where it gets really good and let’s down before finally shooting itself in the foot with an overlong epilogue ending that stretches farther than it should.
Of course, after reading the original novel, I can't fault the film for following what Fleming wrote. Sins of the father, I suppose. That still doesn't mean I have to like it.
I like the way director Martin Campbell and company tried to flesh out the source material. However the final film is aggressively bloated. The film begins with a series of action pieces before settling down an hour in to watch our hero play cards. Not to knock this segment of the film. As a fan of Texas Hold 'Em, I was gripped by it (it takes skill to make a game of cards that intense on film), but it sets the pacing of the film askew. Even worse is after the torture scene, where the film goes for a tedious and forced romance between Bond and Vesper, one that I don't buy for a minute. It's trying to go for emotional impact when Vesper dies in the finale, but I just don't feel it. I don't care about her. The movie never gave here any attribute that set her aside from the 500 Bond Girls that came before her.
The action scenes are a success, as is Daniel Craig's debut as 007. With two films, Craig has already established himself as my favorite take on the role. He is the only actor that has added to what Sean Connery had established instead of taking away from it. The man can play intense, the man can play emotion, the man can play smooth. That's just what I'm looking for.
Too bad I just don't care for the final product as much as I want to. Every time I sit down and watch the film, I try to like it, and then it ends up disappointing. Casino Royale might have ended up a favorite had it cut off its epilogue and attached it to the beginning of the follow-up film, Quantum of Solace. Instead it just limps with a bum leg.
