|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 11:26:12 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Aug 30, 2008 11:26:12 GMT -5
Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except, perhaps my wife... and some of her friends. Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point!
I never hear any good jokes anymore. I like to have a fresh supply, it can help during those awkward moments. And as I am sure you all know, what might be old news to you could be a real knee slapper to someone else who hasn't heard it. Sure, I could go hunting around on the interwebs for new chuckles, but that seems so artificial to me (plus, I'm lazy). I believe jokes are to be shared among people, not through cold, unfeeling machinery (the kind that will one day rise up and enslave us all). So fire away and make me laugh!
And before you get smart with me: Yes, you are in fact a clown, and you are here to amuse me.
Also, remember to keep it within our rules and regs. A joke doesn't have to be filthy to be funny. But if you've got one that is a little off color, maybe find a way to articulate it within our boundaries. If you can't find a way to do that, you probably shouldn't post it.
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 11:35:58 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Aug 30, 2008 11:35:58 GMT -5
I will get things started. Number eight. Ha ha! okay, seriously.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants.
Bartender asks "What's with the steering wheel?"
To which the pirate responds "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 11:42:46 GMT -5
Post by Chuck on Aug 30, 2008 11:42:46 GMT -5
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 11:45:38 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Aug 30, 2008 11:45:38 GMT -5
Post a joke! Don't hold out on me, Chuck. Funny guy like you has got to be full of em.
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 12:10:09 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Aug 30, 2008 12:10:09 GMT -5
A duck walks into a hardware store, goes up to the counter and says to the clerk "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says "No, this is a hardware store", so the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks back into the hardware store and asks the clerk "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk is a bit annoyed now. "No, this is a hardware store, we don't sell grapes!" So the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks back in, and what do ya know, he asks a third time "Do you have any grapes?" so the clerk goes "Listen Daffy, I told you twice already this is a hardware store, so if you ask me for grapes one more time, I'm gonna nail your feet to the floor!" So the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks back into the hardware store and says "Do you have any nails?" The clerk says no, so the duck goes "Ok then....do you have any grapes?"
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 14:30:23 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Aug 30, 2008 14:30:23 GMT -5
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says:
"how do you drive this thing?"
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 14:31:01 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Aug 30, 2008 14:31:01 GMT -5
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 15:24:27 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Aug 30, 2008 15:24:27 GMT -5
A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun walking down the street, so he rushes up to her, kicks her in the stomach, knocks her to the ground and begins to pummel her senseless.
After he's finished he gets up and says "Hah, you ain't so tough now, are ya Batman?"
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 15:33:46 GMT -5
Post by Jack Burton on Aug 30, 2008 15:33:46 GMT -5
Two nuns walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 19:36:18 GMT -5
Post by Don Quixote on Aug 30, 2008 19:36:18 GMT -5
A horse walks into a barn.
The Bartender says, "What the f**k am I doing in a barn?"
Martin Van Buren, James Madison, and Kenny Rogers are sitting in heaven together. Which one doesn't belong?
Captain Crunch, of course.
Benny Goodman and his Orchestra are murdering this woman in cold blood.
One member turns to the other and says: "It's too cold for this!"
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH!
|
|
|
Jokes
Aug 30, 2008 22:05:31 GMT -5
Post by Truck Farmer on Aug 30, 2008 22:05:31 GMT -5
So I said to this guy . . . . this guy I'm dancing with, "So, what kind of place is this?".
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 2, 2008 15:08:44 GMT -5
Post by Bix Dugan on Sept 2, 2008 15:08:44 GMT -5
How many male chauvanist pigs does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Let the bitch make my dinner in the dark!
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 2, 2008 18:36:56 GMT -5
Post by robinbobbin on Sept 2, 2008 18:36:56 GMT -5
Nice one, Bix. This is my new favorite joke:
David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says "From now on, I want to be known as 'The Hoff'."
Bartender says "Alright David, no hassle!"
*canned laughter*
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 2, 2008 18:57:39 GMT -5
Post by solgroupie on Sept 2, 2008 18:57:39 GMT -5
a string walks into a bar and hops up on the bar stool. the bartender says, "hey, we don't serve your kind here, you'll have to leave!"
the next day, the same string walks into the same bar and hops up on the bar stool. the bartender takes a look at him and says, "i told you! we don't serve your kind here! now get out!" he takes the string and throws him out in the street.
the string gets a comb and combs out his fibers until they are sticking out all over the place and asks someone to please tie him into a knot.
the next day he goes back into the same bar and hops up on the bar stool. the bartender looks at him and says, "hey! aren't you that same string i threw outta here yesterday?"
the string says, "i'm afraid not."
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 2, 2008 22:16:40 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 2, 2008 22:16:40 GMT -5
A drunk stumbles out of a bar and staggers onto a bus. After falling over several people and making a genuine arse of himself, he finally collapses into a seat next to a nun.
"Humph! You Sir, are going straight to hell!" The nun said.
Suddenly, up jumps the drunk, and he exclaims "Jesus Christ! I'm on the wrong damn bus!"
|
|