|
Jokes
Sept 2, 2008 22:21:33 GMT -5
Post by Don Quixote on Sept 2, 2008 22:21:33 GMT -5
Three Car Dealers walk into an open pit.
They begin to starve.
After two weeks, one has eaten the other two.
As he's rescued, he finds out that they weren't car dealers at all! This is an M. Night Shalyman movie!
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 3, 2008 15:40:05 GMT -5
Post by bucky on Sept 3, 2008 15:40:05 GMT -5
Did you know it is illegal to hang a man with a wooden leg?
You have to use a rope.
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 3, 2008 18:26:08 GMT -5
Post by Bix Dugan on Sept 3, 2008 18:26:08 GMT -5
So I said to this guy . . . . this guy I'm dancing with, "So, what kind of place is this?". Hmmmm.... I groaned at the Hoff joke, by the way.
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 16, 2008 15:01:42 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Sept 16, 2008 15:01:42 GMT -5
More!
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 16, 2008 18:38:22 GMT -5
Post by Bix Dugan on Sept 16, 2008 18:38:22 GMT -5
A cop comes across a car that had crashed into a wall.
Lady: I was driving along and these trees kept moving in front of me. Then I crashed!
Cop: Lady, there aren't any trees around here for 30 miles. That was your air freshener!
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 16, 2008 21:03:12 GMT -5
Post by Don Quixote on Sept 16, 2008 21:03:12 GMT -5
This guy calls 911, claiming that his furniture has been trying to stab him.
911 hangs up on him.
The next morning, the neighbors call the cops about a lot of noise coming from the house next door.
The cops burst in to find twelve pieces of furniture all piled on top of this guy, each with a bloody knife.
The punchline? BEWARE OF FURNITURE! BILLY BOB THORTON IS RIGHT! IT WANTS TO HARM YOU!
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 17, 2008 0:48:22 GMT -5
Post by Hoss Ragen on Sept 17, 2008 0:48:22 GMT -5
Three men had to attend a work-related meeting in a 75 story skyscraper hotel. After a long day of conference calls and such on the first floor, they heard the bad news that the elevators in the hotel were broken and they would have to climb all those flights of stairs to get to their room. The first man said, "This is going to be a pain in the ass, but let's each do something entertaining that will help the time pass walking the distance. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, you can sing songs for 25 flights and you can tell sad stories the rest of the way."
When they reached the the 26th floor, the first man stopped telling jokes and the second man began to sing. At the 51st floor, he stopped singing and the last man was ready to tell his most depressing story of all:
"I left the room key in the car!"
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 17, 2008 12:40:21 GMT -5
Post by mrsphyllistorgo on Sept 17, 2008 12:40:21 GMT -5
A horse walks into a bar.
"Hey, buddy," says the bartender. "Why the long face?"
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 17, 2008 14:25:15 GMT -5
Post by doctorz on Sept 17, 2008 14:25:15 GMT -5
Guy to his wife: "You remember the time you looked in the cat box and rushed 'fluffy' to the vet? Well, I have a confession to make. That was me."
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 17, 2008 14:27:11 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 17, 2008 14:27:11 GMT -5
It's the first day back at school after the summer holidays at Gallowhill Primary School. Mrs. Pumpernickel addresses the assembled seven year olds.
"Well kids, we're going to discuss what you did over your holidays. Jenny, you go first."
"I went on holiday miss. We went on a choo-choo!"
"Come on Jenny, you're grown up now, it's not a choo-choo, it's a train. What about you Angus?"
"We went to a farm in Ayrshire and saw some moo-moos."
"Angus, they're cows. Come on kids you're getting older now you need to use grown up words. Billy, what did you do?"
"I read Winnie the Sh*t, Miss."
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 17, 2008 14:31:19 GMT -5
Post by CBG on Sept 17, 2008 14:31:19 GMT -5
Punctuation, TMS, punctuation. Punctuation = timing in written jokes. "I read Winnie the Sh*t, Miss." LMAO!
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 17, 2008 14:39:03 GMT -5
Post by Captain Hygiene on Sept 17, 2008 14:39:03 GMT -5
That's a good one. I've never heard it before ;D
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 17, 2008 14:48:52 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 17, 2008 14:48:52 GMT -5
I've just been thinking I've got an absolute sack load of them but most are either old fashioned and a bit risque these days or play on Scottish pronunciations of words and phrases, so not only don't they work written down, anyone from outside Scotland won't get them!
I'll need to get some new material! Ha!
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 9:04:05 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 18, 2008 9:04:05 GMT -5
Punctuation, TMS, punctuation. Punctuation = timing in written jokes. "I read Winnie the Sh*t, Miss." LMAO! I modified it, now it's the funniest joke, ever!
|
|
|
Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 9:40:10 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Sept 18, 2008 9:40:10 GMT -5
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they spot a little boy.
The priest says "Let's go screw that kid!"
and the rabbi says "Out of what?"
Keep em coming!
|
|