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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 9:52:27 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 18, 2008 9:52:27 GMT -5
How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
Wi' jam in.
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 9:53:46 GMT -5
Post by CBG on Sept 18, 2008 9:53:46 GMT -5
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 9:59:23 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 18, 2008 9:59:23 GMT -5
You ever seen Stevie Wonder's house?
Don't worry, neither has he.
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 9:59:55 GMT -5
Post by CBG on Sept 18, 2008 9:59:55 GMT -5
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 10:12:28 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 18, 2008 10:12:28 GMT -5
Ooft, got to go for the triple bagger!
What did St. Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?
"You boys alright back there?"
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 10:23:51 GMT -5
Post by CBG on Sept 18, 2008 10:23:51 GMT -5
Ooft, got to go for the triple bagger! What did St. Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland? "You boys alright back there?" I heard, "If you boys don't quiet down back there, I'm turning this thing around!"
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Remy
Tibby
Aw, hamburgers!
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 10:25:22 GMT -5
Post by Remy on Sept 18, 2008 10:25:22 GMT -5
One day, a police officer catches a woman speeding down a suburban street, so he decides to pull her over.
When he gets up to the window, he explains to her that she had been speeding and asked to see her driver's license.
"I don't have it on me," she says.
"Really? What about the vehicle registration?" the officer asks.
"I don't have that either," she replies.
"Ma'am, I hate to say it, but you're in a lot of trouble then."
"Look," the woman says. "This really isn't my car. I stole it, and the man I killed to get it is hidden in the trunk."
Well, worried about what's going on, the officer calls for backup. The second policeman arrives within minutes, and the first policeman explains everything. The second policeman then goes up to the car to interrogate the woman.
"No license?" he asks. But she pulls out her license and shows it to him.
"How about your registration?" he asks this time. She then opens up the glovebox and pulls it out.
The second policeman, a bit reluctant, decides he might as well ask his last question. "Okay, ma'am," he says. "This is probably a bit much, but could you open your trunk for me?"
The woman happily obliges. The second policeman looks in the trunk, and it is completely empty. He then walks back up to the front of the car.
Laughing, he says, "I'm sorry for that, Ma'am, but you wouldn't believe what the other officer told me. He said that not only did you steal this vehicle but that you also killed the driver and stored him in the trunk."
"What?" she exclaims. "How preposterous! I bet that son of a b**ch told you I was speeding too!"
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Remy
Tibby
Aw, hamburgers!
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 12:46:35 GMT -5
Post by Remy on Sept 18, 2008 12:46:35 GMT -5
A man walks into a talent agent's office and says, "I got a great act for you. It's a family act!"
*Uh...come to think of it, maybe this one's not safe for here.*
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 13:17:01 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 18, 2008 13:17:01 GMT -5
Superman is flying up in the air around the city when he peers into a building via his X-Ray vision and sees Wonder Woman, naked as the day she was born, and laying down in her bed. Being a guy and all, Supes rushes towards the building, breaks through the window of Wonder Woman's apartment, and lands right on top of her with a huge grin on his face.
"So, are you surprised to see me?" Superman said.
"Not as surprised as the Invisible Man is" Replied Wonder Woman.
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 13:24:18 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 18, 2008 13:24:18 GMT -5
Two men are drunk on an airplane when the captain's voice suddenly booms over the intercom:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we appear to have lost power for our first engine. We should still be able to fly, but we will be delayed by 15 minutes."
2 minutes later, the captain is heard again:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we appear to have lost the second engine's power. We will still be able to fly, but we will be delayed by 45 minutes."
No sooner does this happen, then the intercom clicks on and the captain is heard again:
"Ladies and gentlemen, please don't be alarmed, but we have lost power to our third engine. We will still be able to fly, but we will be delayed by an hour and a half."
Finally, one of the drunks says to his friend: "Ah Christ! If that last engine goes out, we'll be stuck up here all day!"
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2008 18:36:22 GMT -5
Post by Chuck on Sept 18, 2008 18:36:22 GMT -5
Once upon a time, there was a boy who was afraid to have sex with women. He was always told, "They have teeth down there. If you put it in there, they'll bite it off!"
Well, in spite of biology classes, this young lad grew up believing this. And as all healthy, normal men (for I speak objectively, and speak as somewhat of an abnormal individual) he grew up, met a girl, fell in love, and got married.
On his honeymoon, he was very shy, and his new wife quickly surmised that he was still a virgin. She kept trying to coax him into the bedroom, but he would not go. Finally she asked him what he was afraid of, and, with patience and coaxing, he told her: "You've got teeth down there! If I put it in you, you'll bite it off!"
"WHAT??!!!" she exclaimed.
"You've got teeth. You'll bite it off."
She said, "Come here" and grabbed him by the arm, pulled him into the bedroom, jumped up on the bed, pulled up her skirt, pulled down her panties, spread them and said, "Now, LOOK! Do you see any teeth there?"
He gazed for a while and shook his head. "Hell, no. Not with gums like that!"
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Jokes
Sept 19, 2008 5:36:56 GMT -5
Post by CBG on Sept 19, 2008 5:36:56 GMT -5
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Jokes
Sept 19, 2008 11:14:14 GMT -5
Post by mrsphyllistorgo on Sept 19, 2008 11:14:14 GMT -5
Heard a good one last night!
A cowboy comes to town,but nobody seems to be around. Puzzled, he enters the saloon, to find the innkeeper there by himself.
He sits down, orders a whiskey, and asks "where is everybody?"
"You must not be from around here," replies the saloon keeper. "Everybody's gone to the hanging of Paper Bag Pete."
"What?" asks the cowboy. "Where on earth did he get a name like that?"
"Well," replies the bartender, " he wears a paper bag hat, paper bag shirt, and paper bag pants. So naturally he's called Paper Bag Pete."
"Huh," says the cowboy. He drinks for a minute, than asks, "What's he being hung for, anyway?"
"Well naturally," replies the saloon keeper, "Rustling."
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Jokes
Sept 19, 2008 14:01:42 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 19, 2008 14:01:42 GMT -5
Why is there no Aspirin in the jungle?
Because the parrots eat 'em all.
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Jokes
Sept 19, 2008 18:03:19 GMT -5
Post by Bix Dugan on Sept 19, 2008 18:03:19 GMT -5
Why is there no Aspirin in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all. Que? How about this one... A man who had taken up an all-salad diet, was having problems digesting said diet. So he went to the doctor. The doctor was inspecting his backside, and said, "I see what looks like a piece of lettuce..." "Yeah, but that's just the tip of the iceberg."
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