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Jokes
Sept 24, 2008 16:47:31 GMT -5
Post by Jack Burton on Sept 24, 2008 16:47:31 GMT -5
A blonde is standing on one side of the street.
Another blonde approaches on the other side of the street. She hollers over to the other blonde, "How did you get to the other side?"
The other blonde replies, "Dummy, you are on the other side!"
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Jokes
Sept 24, 2008 16:50:28 GMT -5
Post by Jack Burton on Sept 24, 2008 16:50:28 GMT -5
A blonde is sitting at the table crying her eyes out. Her husband comes home from work and tries to consol her. "Honey what's wrong?"
"I've been trying for seven hours to put this puzzle of a rooster together and I just can't do it!"
The husband takes one look at the table and says, "Honey, put the Corn Flakes back in the box and make me dinner!"
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Jokes
Sept 24, 2008 16:51:34 GMT -5
Post by Jack Burton on Sept 24, 2008 16:51:34 GMT -5
What do you tell your wife when she has two black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice.
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Jokes
Sept 24, 2008 21:54:09 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 24, 2008 21:54:09 GMT -5
Q: How many Jewish Mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None...that's allright, don't worry about me, I'll just sit here alone in the dark...
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Jokes
Sept 24, 2008 23:20:22 GMT -5
Post by Donna SadCat Lady on Sept 24, 2008 23:20:22 GMT -5
Here's one of the few un-innocent jokes I remember. What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl? One shoots and shoots but never hits. ----- Back to the stuff I know.
Where do cows go for entertainment? To the mooooovies! - or - To the amooooosement park!
Where do cows go for entertainment and intellectual stimulation? To the moooooseum!
----- Knock, knock. Who's there? Amarillo. Amarillo who? Amarillo fashioned cowboy!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Ether. Ether who? It's the Ether Bunny!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Stella. Stella who? Stella nother Ether Bunny!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Samoa. Samoa who? Samoa Ether Bunnies!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Consumption. Consumption who? Consumption be done about all these Ether Bunnies?
Knock, knock. Who's there? Impatient cow. Impatient cow wh-- MOO!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Thistle. Thistle who? Thistle be my very last knock-knock joke.
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Jokes
Sept 25, 2008 8:37:52 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 25, 2008 8:37:52 GMT -5
That impatient cow one kinda reminds me of a knock knock joke I heard recently.
Knock, Knock. Who's There? Amy Fisher. Amy Fish... BANG!
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Remy
Tibby
Aw, hamburgers!
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Sept 25, 2008 12:36:12 GMT -5
Post by Remy on Sept 25, 2008 12:36:12 GMT -5
Heard this one from the warm-up comedian at the Cinematic Titanic screening in CA:
Knock Knock Who's There? I like the original doctor. I like the original doctor who? Nerd.
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Jokes
Sept 25, 2008 19:02:21 GMT -5
Post by Bix Dugan on Sept 25, 2008 19:02:21 GMT -5
Two missionaries are caught deep in the heart of the jungle and dragged by the natives to the tribe leader. "Because you have trespassed on our land, you must be punished!" Cried the Tribe leader. "However, since I am a fair and merciful man, I will give you a choice of punishment, either Death or Oogu." The first missionary steps forward. "I sure as heck don't want to die. I choose Oogu!" "Very well, Oogu it is!" Says the tribe leader, and soon, the natives drag the missionary over to a pit and toss him in, burying him up to his neck in dirt. They then proceed to pour honey on his face and head and let the fire ants crawl all over him. This goes on for two straight days before finally, the natives drag the missionary out of the pit, and the poor schmuck goes off, babbling crazily and stumbling away. "Now you..." The tribe leader said, pointing to the second missionary. "...What do you choose as your punishment?" "Well, after seeing that, I'd rather choose death!" says the second missionary. "Very well, death it is!" Says the tribe leader. After a moment of silence, he then adds "But first...Oogu!" I saw a Gilbert Godfried special and he told this same joke, but his version would've gotten Dr. Ted banned...YIKES! Whats the difference between an epileptic farmer and a prostitute with diahrrea? Well, the farmer shucks between fits...
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Jokes
Sept 25, 2008 22:25:44 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 25, 2008 22:25:44 GMT -5
*Nods* I heard the Gottfried CD version of that joke Bix, and yes, it *would* have gotten me banned had I told the dirty version, the one I told is the clean version.
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2008 15:43:11 GMT -5
Post by bucky on Sept 26, 2008 15:43:11 GMT -5
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken
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Remy
Tibby
Aw, hamburgers!
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2008 16:01:38 GMT -5
Post by Remy on Sept 26, 2008 16:01:38 GMT -5
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken Wow...I can feel the flames just from looking at this one. Still laughed, though.
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2008 16:11:27 GMT -5
Post by CBG on Sept 26, 2008 16:11:27 GMT -5
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken Brilliant.
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Remy
Tibby
Aw, hamburgers!
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2008 16:18:07 GMT -5
Post by Remy on Sept 26, 2008 16:18:07 GMT -5
There was once two guys, best friends, who loved baseball. They loved it so much, in fact, that they played it every weekend.
One day, the 1st guy says to the other, "hey, let's make a pact. The first one who dies has to come back to Earth and tell the other whether or not there is baseball in Heaven." The 2nd guy agrees.
Well, many years go by and, eventually, one of them (the 1st guy) dies.
Days after his friend's death, the 2nd guy is about to go to bed when, all of a sudden, the spirit of his dead friend appears.
"What are you doing here?" the 2nd guy says.
"My friend," says the spirit. "It's about baseball and Heaven. I've got some good news and some bad news."
"What is it?" he asks.
"The good news is that there IS baseball in Heaven."
"Really? That's great! And the bad news?"
"You're pitching Sunday."
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Jokes
Oct 1, 2008 7:52:57 GMT -5
Post by CBG on Oct 1, 2008 7:52:57 GMT -5
Hey trumpysmagicsnout, I found a new av for you:
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Jokes
Oct 1, 2008 8:33:36 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy Dumpy's Salvation Army on Oct 1, 2008 8:33:36 GMT -5
A blonde woman decided to go fishing one day. She loaded up her equipment and drove out to a corn field. She put her boat in the corn field and began to cast. Just then another woman, also blonde, was driving by and noticed the woman fishing in a cornfield. She pulled over and started shaking her fist at the woman in the boat. She screamed, "You stupid b****! It's women like you who give us blondes a bad name! If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"
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