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Post by mummifiedstalin on Dec 30, 2008 13:46:25 GMT -5
Posts: Al Roker: My Personal Savior - 9/16/09 A surfing dilemma - 3/11/09 Lovecraft's Un-horrible Horror - 2/20/09 An open letter to "you people" - 1/26/09 Inauguration Day - 1/23/09Losing my primate religion - 12/30/08 Losing my primate religion[/u] I don’t believe in monkeys. It’s not that I don’t think they exist. Rather, they cannot be ignored, forgotten, for even a moment. No, I mean that I no longer have faith in them. This is a major turning point for me. Once, I risked everything on my confidence in monkeys. But they let me down. And they continue to let me down. And they let you down as well, usually when you least expect it. Think of it: their beady eyes, their screeches that seem to promise meaning without ever coming through, their insolent misuse of their own offal. There’s so much potential there, but it’s wasted on swinging, teeth-barring, and nits. Nits. They spend their previous God-given minutes on this earth picking and eating nits. They were given opposable thumbs, for chrissakes, and they use them to remove and eat bugs that cannot be felt, seen, or even tasted. This, friends, is why I no longer believe in monkeys.
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Post by Crowfan on Dec 30, 2008 18:36:31 GMT -5
You forgot that they like to fling poop.
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Post by mccloud on Dec 30, 2008 19:01:02 GMT -5
You forgot that they like to fling poop. ...their insolent misuse of their own offal... mummi never forgets poop-slinging
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Post by Crowfan on Dec 31, 2008 7:57:45 GMT -5
He said it too smart for me.
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Post by Captain Hygiene on Dec 31, 2008 10:31:42 GMT -5
I've never liked monkeys. Every night I pray that they'll be wiped from existence, but my prayers are never answered.
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Post by callipygias on Dec 31, 2008 11:03:52 GMT -5
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Post by solgroupie on Dec 31, 2008 12:43:45 GMT -5
....grandpa?
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Post by Crowfan on Dec 31, 2008 13:25:57 GMT -5
And that's why I don't like the South. I do like solgroupie, though.
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Post by Afgncaap5 on Jan 1, 2009 0:27:08 GMT -5
What are your feelings on apes?
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Post by CBG on Jan 1, 2009 12:22:14 GMT -5
Heed mummi's warnings...The Time of the Ape is at hand.
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Post by Afgncaap5 on Jan 1, 2009 15:58:26 GMT -5
What about the Ai-Ai, a hyper rare primate from Madagascar?
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Post by callipygias on Jan 7, 2009 12:05:57 GMT -5
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Post by CBG on Jan 7, 2009 13:26:52 GMT -5
Cornelius' Great-great-great Grandfather?...think about it.
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Post by Crowfan on Jan 7, 2009 18:12:51 GMT -5
What are your feelings on apes? Brett says that apes taste good.
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Jan 23, 2009 11:14:31 GMT -5
Inauguration DayTuesday was a truly inspiring day. We all got to view a symbol of great optimism, of things rising above normal human proportions, of things simply greater than ourselves. We saw a vision of what we could all become, of how much greater we can be when we reach higher than we ever expected. What we saw, ladies and gentlemen, was Aretha Franklin’s hat: The sheer audacity of that bow…how could it not inspire a terror at that which lies unexpressed in ourselves? How could we not picture ourselves attempting to wear a bow and feeling ourselves fail under the demands it puts on us, even as we feel drawn to try ever harder to live up to its promise. That bow, ladies and gentlemen, adorns all of our hearts, even as it blocks our view of…well, almost everything behind it.
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