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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Nov 28, 2012 22:29:51 GMT -5
Outside tonight is a full moon. The clouds hovering in front of it are so thin you can see right through them. Around the moon is a circle of light with a rainbow around the edge. The air is a cold 30 degrees. The deer here don't fear me. They stand only feet away and watch me smoke my cigarette. There is a whole family of them and every night they come by. I wonder what they think or if they think. Last night there was a mouse in the house and the cat Middy (short for midnight) caught it. She let it go though. Now it's hiding someplace. I doubt the mouse has anything to fear as Middy is afraid of Nero, my fish. I've spent alot of time lately focused on all that's happened this year. It's been the single worse year of my life. I've reached out time and again to find people to talk to. I don't believe they even exist anymore. I'm left in a daze, too stunned to recover or move on. Today I woke up at 5:45am. I looked across the room to see my son waking up as well. The radio alarm was playing The Lumineers. We are forced to share a room since losing our home and have moved in with family. I saw him off to school and stood on the front steps alone. Today the darkness never gave way to the sun but instead bled into a dull grey. It looked like snow and I wished it would. No joy. Don't get me wrong. I know there is a hell of alot to be thankful for. However, I don't take comfort in the fact that it could be worse. All in all, it could be worse. Alot worse. Time to see the deer.
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Nov 28, 2012 22:50:57 GMT -5
Poor guy. At least you have some friendly "voices" on the internet. And at least it's that time of year when you can watch the Christmas eps without feeling weird.
And I always tell myself: at least my address doesn't include "Gaza Strip."
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Nov 29, 2012 14:14:41 GMT -5
Today I woke up at 3:58. I slept about four hours. The moon was out front by then illuminating the yard in a soft dim glow. I stepped outside and sat on the steps wearing the wool jacket she gave me what seems like a lifetime ago. In the sky a bright light slowly moved and faded out. Not sure what it was. I finished my cigarette and went inside. No deer. At 5:30 I woke up Aidan (my son). He is 11 and in the 6th grade. He has to ride the bus two hours a day. I sat on the edge of my bed and watched as he tried his best to wake up. I left him to get dressed and went downstairs to get him a bowl of cereal and a hot cup of tea. We sat together at the table as the darkness outside faded into the palest blue I'd ever seen. At 6:40 he got on the bus. My shopping list was done by 7:30 and I drove the dirt road four miles into town. There was nobody outside or even driving down the street. It felt like I was the only person on earth. Swedish meatballs rotini ground turkey italian sausage with peppers and onions pasta sauce caramelized onion and roasted garlic pasta sauce One liter of coke Fat free milk Once I had finished picking up everything I went back and started cooking. The house filled with the smell of the sauces and the bright blue sky outside gave me pause. In the background Survivorman was talking about how lonely the arctic can be. I ate meatballs, he ate raw fish. Not long ago I woke up on the sofa. The sky once again has turned grey. Survivorman is still lonely and I have laundry to fold.
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Nov 30, 2012 22:15:12 GMT -5
I tried to get into the "games" but the computer won't load it for some reason. I made some wise crack and wanted to make sure I didn't piss everyone off. (I didn't intend to) I do apologize if I upset anyone today or any other day for that matter. I just love to goof around and somedays I get carried away. Sorry again.
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Post by nondescript spice on Dec 1, 2012 13:15:40 GMT -5
I'M GONNA KEEL YO - oh, i mean, nevermind. you're good.
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Dec 1, 2012 22:46:59 GMT -5
Suicidal cat "Middy" was just trying to climb into the oven. The oven door was open to let the heat out, like some redneck space heater. "If you love your country, you gonna have to love moonshine" just came to mind. So, the snow just fell today. No matter how hard I shook my fist. It was slow and constant. I have to admit that it was nice. I must have sat for two hours just watching it. It's always nice when a day has that "it can wait until tomorrow" vibe. I did however clean the fishtank which was quite the chore. Nero is now busy picking up the stones on the bottom of the tank and spitting them at the glass. Just fell asleep sitting here at the desk...
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Dec 2, 2012 1:26:26 GMT -5
I tried to get into the "games" but the computer won't load it for some reason. I made some wise crack and wanted to make sure I didn't piss everyone off. (I didn't intend to) I do apologize if I upset anyone today or any other day for that matter. I just love to goof around and somedays I get carried away. Sorry again. Sloane. The point there is to abuse one another. However, if you're not friends with us yet, we'll take your insults at face value and hunt you down. So tread carefully. Or, better, don't tread at all. In fact, just stay away. Who let you in here, anyway?! I'm insulted already, and I don't even know what you wrote, but I can just tell...
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Dec 2, 2012 10:27:00 GMT -5
I'M GONNA KEEL YO - oh, i mean, nevermind. you're good. Well, if you change your mind, I'll be here. Sloane. The point there is to abuse one another. However, if you're not friends with us yet, we'll take your insults at face value and hunt you down. So tread carefully. Or, better, don't tread at all. In fact, just stay away. Who let you in here, anyway?! I'm insulted already, and I don't even know what you wrote, but I can just tell...[/quote] I've never posted in Sloane. I don't want to abuse anyone. not yet anyways. How many posts do I need to be considered a friend? Also, how many posts do I need to be someones third cousin?
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Dec 2, 2012 11:13:38 GMT -5
Sunday. 10:44am. Outside: 30 degrees and holding. Cups of coffee: 3. Song playing: The Jayhawks "Blue" Weather: N/A
Topic: Nero Nero is an African cichlid and has been in my care since about 2002 or so. Up until almost a year ago he had no name. You see, Nero was a gift to my son from his aunt. At the time we had a fishtank that had a bunch of tiny fish such as mollys and tetras but also had another cichlid. The existing cichlid took it upon himself to kill all other fish in the tank. Nero didn't make it out unharmed. He lost all fins and tank mates in a single night. Fearing he would die I put him alone in a goldfish tank and tried to think of what to tell my son. Days passed and Nero kept eating despite being injured. I noticed his fins starting to grow back as well. After a while I put the smaller goldfish tank next to the other so both fish could see one another and get use to each other. I'm not sure how long it took but Nero was back to his old self and I decided to put him in with the one remaining fish. The following morning I opened up the lid to feed the cichlids but only one was left. Nero. Playing his violin as his tormentor and enemy bounced off the side of the tank. That was over 10 years ago and the pet store that sold him has told me that he should not be alive. The trama of what happened should have killed him and also he should have died of old age by now. I don't know if that's true but I just feed him and try to stay on his good side. Fin. (No pun intended)
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Dec 6, 2012 15:16:41 GMT -5
Thursday December 6th 2:49pm Song playing: Modest mouse "Blame it on the Tetons"
The sun has been shining and the sky has been a beautiful blue. The mountains are capped with snow. It's 29 degrees. Yesterday evening the snow fell and the wind was brutal. I have been sleeping alot more over the past few days. I can't seem to shake the feeling of being tired. Today there was a school lunch that I attended. My son's 6th grade class helped to make the meal and all parents and family were invited. I saw an ex-girlfriend there with her child that I havn't seen since high school. I passed on the small talk. When Aidan's mom was pregnant with him this girl tried to kick her in the stomach. My ex in turn beat the snot out of her sending her to the hospital. December 9th is Aidan's 12th birthday. I can't believe it. I'm taking him to a Newbury comics to go shopping and we will be spending the whole day together. It will be fun. As for the rest of today I think we will be playing Skyrim. We are hooked on it all over again and I'm trying to complete every quest this time. It is also getting us pumped about the Hobbit hitting theaters on the 14th. I feel that I must say that I am sorry for those of you who have chosen to read this. I need to get things off my chest and right now it's the only way for me to do so. I am making an effort to keep it from being totally depressing. Anyways, thanks for reading.
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Dec 11, 2012 9:43:52 GMT -5
Tuesday December 11th 9:42am Song playing: The Lumineers "Stubborn Love"
Just got this album and I love it. It really goes well with my mood and situation lately. Not for the stone hearted.
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Post by nondescript spice on Dec 11, 2012 11:13:01 GMT -5
Not for the stone hearted. i like them anyway. quite a bit.
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Dec 11, 2012 19:05:16 GMT -5
Not for the stone hearted. i like them anyway. quite a bit. Hey, whoa! I didn't need your life story! I kid. Quite surprised you know of them. That's how my musical taste is. Nobody knows the bands I like.
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Post by Wide_Awake_Nightmare on Dec 25, 2012 10:05:12 GMT -5
Merry Christmas everyone. Hope you're surrounded by your loved ones and having a wonderful day.
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