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Post by PineWash on Feb 3, 2004 0:16:07 GMT -5
I don't exactly have a full season, just a couple that I would kill to see riffed... uh... professionally?
Kickboxing Academy Hercules Goes to New York Zombie Lake
While the first two basically riff themselves already, Zombie Lake is a real challange. It is really.. really.. bad. But M&TB have pulled off greater challenges.
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MSTie4Life
Anteater
NESPA!!! NESPA!!! NESPA!!!
Posts: 10
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Post by MSTie4Life on Feb 5, 2004 2:22:10 GMT -5
Y2K-A NBC Made-For-TV movie that stars Morgan Freeman released in November 1999 about the Y2K bug striking, causing the world to basically shut down and causing a nuclear missile to somehow be recharged. This means that the U.S. Military must deactivate it before it explodes in the Amazon jungle, which causes the end of humankind. It's the 1990s version of Invasion U.S.A.. Tons of stock footage, outdated, and exploits people's worst fears.
Kazaam-Shaquille O' Neal as a rapping genie. A box office flop, that DEFINTLEY deserves to be riffed if only for the last scene in the film in which the nerdy kid apparently either has a religious experience, or has inhaled angel dust. I STILL can't tell what the hell that last scene was about. I tried riffing it, it's really bad.
Steel-Another Shaquille O' Neal flop. This time he is a superhero fightning crime in Los Angeles wearing metallic armor and spouting lame cliched superhero lines. The sight of Shaq in metal armor is hilarious, but the rest is just bad. I wonder how well Mike & The bots could riff this one.
Longshot-Very, very, very bad. WORST. TEEN MOVIE. EVER! There is little plot, I think it is about some guy who gets blackmailed by the company he works for. The plot is secondary to the many, many cameos in the film. Everyone from N*SYNC to BRITNEY SPEARS to GILBERT GODFIED to even THE ROCK and KENNY ROGERS make cameos in this film which I'm suprised was not released nationally considering the popularity of the people in the film (it was released in April 2000, at the very height of the boyband/teen pop genre's popularity. Also the time when the WWF was doing very good business.) No wonder The Rock doesn't bring this film up! It's crap.
In a way, Longshot is like Catalina Caper. A teen movie that was supposed to be a comedy, but falls flat on its face. And you can replace Little Richard with The Rock, who gets to play a criminal with no speaking part for some reason. Longshot even has beach party scenes that are also very bad. The movie is bad. There is little plot. It's just a 90 minute cameo fest.
I might not be so hard on the film if I felt that they weren't taking it seriously. They may not have, evidence being the behind-the-scenes footage, and certain dialogue. Then again, they may have actually took it seriously, and if so, may God have mercy on their souls for producing such cinematic feces. And I feel bad that The Rock has to be associated with this film. He can't escape the fact that he appeared in Longshot-the worst teen movie ever.
Still, even though it is bad, it is corny, cheesy, and stupid and is just right for MST3K to riff. I watch it everytime it's on, since it falls in the "so bad it's funny" catergory. I just have to put up with crappy pop music for 90 minutes.
In conclusion: Britney Spears + N*SYNC+98 Degrees+LFO as strippers+The Rock as a criminal+crappy teen pop songs for 90 minutes+the older kid from Home Improvement (not Johnathon Taylor Thomas)+that girl from Boy Meets World (Topanga)+Gilbert Godfried+Some teenage boy who thought that this movie would launch his music career+Kenny Rogers-plot-anything that could be considered good+cheesiness+nonstop cameos=WORST. TEEN MOVIE. EVER!
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Post by Bart Fargo on Feb 5, 2004 19:53:39 GMT -5
Hmm... a season 11 to remember...
#1101 - America 3000 (1986): Imagine City Limits without any talented actors, and where women fight men. That's America 3000. #1102 - Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (1952): Bela Bombs again, and the Martin & Lewis clones don't help either. #1103 - From Justin to Kelly (2003): Nominated for 8 razzie awards, and deservedly so. They may have won American Idol for singing, but acting is another story all together... #1104 - Santa with Muscles (1996): Hulk Hogan as Santa Claus. That in and of itself is an unforgivable mistake. #1105 - Battlefield Earth (2000): This is the kind of film MST3K was created to skewer in the first place. Apparently, they thought it was safe to make after the show's demise. John Travolta probably regrets this one. #1106 - Freddie got Fingered (2001): Tom Green's debut film and one that took down the careers of Rip Torn and Julie Haggerty. #1107 - Cool as Ice (1991): The main star is Robert "Vanilla Ice" Van Winkle. The rest of the cast tries to make him look good, and fails because there's nothing that could make him look good. #1108 - Kangaroo Jack (2003): Jerry O'Connell, Christopher Walken and Dyan Cannon get dragged through this disaster, as they try to make a talking CGI kangaroo seem smarter than they are. #1109 - An Alan Smithee Film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn! (1997): Director Arthur Hiller asked that his name be removed from this film about making a bad film. I can't say I blame him. #1110 - Spice World (1997): A film to laud the talent of the Spice Girls. Oh wait, they don't have talent... well, it drug the careers of Elvis Costello and Roger Moore down a lot. #1111 - Kazam (1996): As mentioned before, the genie rapping Shaq (who really is horrible at rapping) really needs a reality check. #1112 - Madmen of Mandoras (1964): How BBI didn't get to this one is beyond me. I can't really add anything to it that hasn't been said already. #1113 - Backyard Dogs (2000): A longtime inhabitant of the IMDB's bottom 100, this film about backyard wrestling stars nobody important. #1114 - Barb Wire (1996): Sexy Pamela Anderson's Ishtar, I can imagine Mike and the bots CONSTANTLY calling her 'babe.'
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Feb 5, 2004 21:59:57 GMT -5
#1114 - Barb Wire (1996): Sexy Pamela Anderson's Ishtar, I can imagine Mike and the bots CONSTANTLY calling her 'babe.' This movie sucks, I heard a REALLY good movie got the shaft so this one could suceed, even though it didn't. Gee, what movie was it?
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Post by Mister Wilbur on Feb 6, 2004 13:01:07 GMT -5
*Admiral Kirk Impersination* GRAAAAMEEEERCYYYY!!!!!!!! *Admiral Kirk Impersination*
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Post by Poe33 on Feb 6, 2004 16:30:15 GMT -5
GOD I wish they had done Santa Claus vs The Ice Cream Bunny!!
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creepingterror
Anteater
GWM, likes long walks under the sea, drinks like a fish and is fond of horror films.
Posts: 5
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Post by creepingterror on Feb 6, 2004 21:42:09 GMT -5
OK, 21 movies that'd be great MST3K fodder - this sounds like fun. Here goes.
First of all, I agree with "The Giant Claw" (1101) - start the season off with a bang. I'd love to see what the guys do with "Apple Jack Oui (weeee)" and that character's "outrageous accent."
#1102 - The Vulture (fellow in a vulture suit with a "human head")
#1103 - Cat Women of the Moon
#1105 - Satan's School for Girls (starring future TV show-mates Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd).
#1106 - Tomb of Torture (this film actually uses LIVE GUINNEA PIGS as rats!!!)
#1107 - Stranger from Venus (British reimagining of "The Day the Earth Stood Still" even stars Patricia Neil whose name I've probably just misspelled).
#1108 - Devil Girl from Mars
#1109 - Frankenstein's Daughter
#1110 - Zoltan - Dracula's Dog (I may not have the title exactly right)
#1111 - Atom Age Vampire
#1112 - Battle of the Worlds (tragically Claude Rains' last film).
#1113 - The Wicker Man (I don't care if there is a "Collector's Edition" DVD of it, in a lovely wooden box, its just TEXT)
#1114 - Strait-Jacket (how much fun would a bad Joan Crawford movie be?) Mike and the bots could have the "Sanit - air -eum" "Sanit - ore - eum" arguement.
#1115 - Sting of Death (guy with a plastic bag on his head is supposed to be a killer jellyfish monster. You can see his head through the bag!)
#1116 - The Adventures of Ratt Pfink a Boo Boo (the titles meant to say "and" instead of "a").
#1117 - Night of the Comet (Valley Girls inherit the Earth)
#1118 - Donovan's Brain (Starring the future Nancy Reagan).
#1119 - Yes, yes - They Saved Hitler's Brain!!!!!! That'd be outrageous! Somebody needs to get the cast back together to make MST3K the Movie the Sequel.
#1120 - Empire of the Ants - starring the lovely Joan Collins and lots and lots of ants.
#1121 - Scared to Death - Bela Lugosi's only color film, narrated by a dead woman. Great, repetitive little music bit every time the woman introduces a scene change.
There. Wow that was great fun. Thanks for such a terrific topic! Now, if somebody could just tell me where I can find an unmystied version of "San Francisco International" my heart will just soar!
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creepingterror
Anteater
GWM, likes long walks under the sea, drinks like a fish and is fond of horror films.
Posts: 5
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Post by creepingterror on Feb 6, 2004 21:44:04 GMT -5
Oh, and I forgot to mention. I think it'd be cool to see a couple of "Sailor Moon" episodes as shorts!
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Post by Mister Wilbur on Feb 6, 2004 21:58:20 GMT -5
Where do you guys find all of theses cheesy movies at?
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Post by Rowsdower on Feb 9, 2004 2:25:39 GMT -5
John Carpenter's "They Live"
was that the longest film fist fight ever filmed?
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Post by Rowsdower on Feb 9, 2004 2:29:16 GMT -5
I recall an old sex ed video from the 70s that they showed us in grade 7...(in the 90's)... this big goon jock talking about some guy who had an erection 7 feet long and it took 3 guys to sit on it to break it off...well, that would be good for a short except for all those prudes...
Any of the anti-drug films they showed us...
ha ha, they didn't work. Neither did the sex ed films.
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