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Post by nightfalcawk on Jul 4, 2004 2:29:36 GMT -5
Me: Mom, can we go to the Pet Store to get Tessi (my parrot) some food?
Mom: Why, so she can sh*t again?!
Me: Uhh, that is kind of the indirect purpose of buying something food.
Mom: Go f*ck yourself asshole!
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Post by MonsterX on Jul 4, 2004 5:25:55 GMT -5
When I was a little kid with my father at the Brookfield Zoo after watching a baby rhino urinate for about 3 minuets non-stop.
Dad: “Damn that’s some good piss’n!”
Yes, he’s like a street poet.
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Post by MonsterX on Jul 4, 2004 5:32:19 GMT -5
One more –
2 of my best friends, Craig and Derek, are both brothers. Craig is the younger brother, but he’s much larger than Derek and like brothers do, they occasionally beat the crap out of each other. On day we are sitting in Craig’s room when out of no where he leaps on Derek and start pummeling him. After pounding on him for a minuet, he sits on Derek’s face and let’s loose a rather obscene fart.
“Can you smell it bitchy? Can you smell it?!” Craig yelled triumphantly.
“Smell it?” Derek gagged, “Aw man, I can taste it!”
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Post by nightfalcawk on Jul 4, 2004 8:30:18 GMT -5
Today my mom was pissed:
Mom: I'm gonna castrate you, you f*ck!
Me: Then I'll report child abuse.
Mom: IT'S CHILD MAIMING, F*CKHEAD!
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Post by Mister Wilbur on Jul 4, 2004 8:59:12 GMT -5
Holy Crap Nightfalcawk! Is she always like that? I hope not, or she'd make Hitler look like Sherley Temple.
And Here's a Really stupid quote:
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Jul 4, 2004 19:13:41 GMT -5
My cousin, today: "Can people really see things?"
I have no idea...
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Post by nightfalcawk on Jul 5, 2004 15:24:44 GMT -5
"Come down here little sh*ts!"
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colemanfrancisfan
Moderator Emeritus
Open wide, Lady Liberty. Because CFF is coming to America! Today!
Hey, ladies, I have all my teeth
Posts: 11,300
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Post by colemanfrancisfan on Jul 5, 2004 15:31:10 GMT -5
"They've invented the telephone!?!"
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Post by nightfalcawk on Jul 5, 2004 15:35:49 GMT -5
This quote from Spiderman 2 was hilarious.
"A web? GO SPIDEY! GO!"
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Post by roxy18 on Jul 6, 2004 4:01:16 GMT -5
Once, my five year old nephew was with me at a friend's house. He was looking at the pictures on the walls when he stops and stares at one in particular then he turns around and says, "Were you speaking Russian in that picture?" From this day I have no idea what he meant.
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Post by marytrobot on Jul 6, 2004 7:38:09 GMT -5
oh here's a good one from my spanish 3 teacher: "I don't see why people are always trying to raise money to save endangered animals, it's natural selection."
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Post by roxy18 on Jul 6, 2004 11:21:15 GMT -5
how about this one, Mary, "my wife's a little dead!" "smooth ease...doesn't that sound like a laxative?"
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Post by marytrobot on Jul 7, 2004 3:29:16 GMT -5
ohoh, I gotta good one, umm "Mison!!"
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Post by roxy18 on Jul 7, 2004 3:41:43 GMT -5
What about "No, the cross-bit!" Aghhhh!
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Post by Phantom Engineer on Jul 7, 2004 13:02:50 GMT -5
George W.
"Nucular."
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