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Post by mrsphyllistorgo on Feb 20, 2004 16:33:10 GMT -5
Hello and welcome to the third installment of everybody's favorite "that one's still running? Hmmmm" game, All We Have Is Each Other!
This time our topic is the future. And not just any future, no sirreebob, not the dreadful Robot Holocausty future or superboring postatomicapocolyptichorrormonstersallovertheplace future, but the bright, safe, warm, slippery future dreamed up for us by the America of the 40's and 50's!
Yes, in the future of the fifties, cakes baked themselves, phones came with buttons, and cars were enormous, gas guzzling chunks of iron that might as well have had DEATH TRAP emblazoned on their sides--oh, wait.
Anyway, what I want from you is your favorite gadget, gizmo, contraption or suchlike that was promised us in the haze of postwar prosperity! Hint: the shorts are the best places to look for these icons of idleness!
Bonus question: What futuristic device are you most pissed off about never coming to fruition?
See replies for last game's winners!
mrsphyllis
Oh, our old future.
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Post by mrsphyllistorgo on Feb 20, 2004 16:41:02 GMT -5
Time Keeps Slipping Away Winners!
Yes, again the posters came through in a big way! Oddly they spoke, oddly they looked on the episodes, and forsooth, hereth cometh the winnerith!
And The Winner Is............
UNCLEDAD!!!!!!!
Your pointing out of the infeasability of the goverment finding its own butt with two hands and a flashlight in 1959, much less setting up a sophisticated top secret clone program, wins you a year's supply of Adidas sportswear and earclip color of your choice! (How were they going to explain all these old geezers never dying off anyway? Lots of oat bran?) And for answering the bonus question, you win a pair of bright red pants!
Runners up are Newgirl731 for highlighting an early example of both man's ability to fold space and time ahead of a nuclear fireball and the delightful practice of hurling women around like beanbags, and quamp for pointing out that it actually does take some time and energy to become proficient at a musical instrument. You both win a lemur and tour of the horn factory!
Everybody play again this week!
mrsphyllis
Let's put out our flaming crotches and we'll find your nose.
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Post by nightfalcawk on Feb 20, 2004 16:53:30 GMT -5
I like the ridiculously impractical kitchen equipment of the future from Design for Dreaming. New ways to restrict a hosewife's entire world to family and the kitchen. I'm pissed we don't have flying cars widely available.
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Post by Miss Interoceter on Feb 20, 2004 17:13:15 GMT -5
One word baby, RADAR!
Why the heck don't I have a giant collander on the top of my car to help me find guns and gangsters and deals on diner pies?
Oh sure, the meteorologists like to brag about how it's changed their lives. They can forecast the weather thanks to RADAR! Then how come they're always wrong, huh? Huh!?
And sure the planes and towers have radar, but like I get to use that! No, Radar Secret Service assured me that soon our lives would be encompassed by the warm cancerous glow of radar and though I see lots of people sick and dying of cancer, I fail to see my personal radar system! So thanks movie. Thanks for NOTHING!
Personally, I'm always disappointed when the new cars arrive at the shows and they give us all the futuristic Fonzie's death cars and Schick razor cars and after I fall in love with it they tell me, "Oh, I'm sorry. We can't actually BUILD that car. That's just to show you what you'll never have from us. Ha ha ha! Please enjoy the box with wheels you'll be driving.
I guess I'm just a little bitter about the future.
"Look! Dead raccoon of the future!"
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Post by losingmydignity on Feb 24, 2004 1:47:25 GMT -5
Howdy Miss Dowdy!
(as I'm sure you are, being Torgo's missus and all--no offence, gee, really, it just made a nice 50's reference/pun about Howdy Doody, that pugnacious puppet...uh, where was I?)
I didn't get a chance to thank you yet for the carton of bomb pomps that came in very handy (damn jam handy!) during my post-op recovery period. Licked 'em to the stick and then used them for splints...well, I won't go into details. As far as that dune buggys concerned wait until spring and come see me down at Wash. Sq. Park zooming up and down and all around the arch. Fun!
So you want to know all about a 50's young man's (and apple-cheeked blooming "girls"--well, no offence, they were all girls then) fancy...chrome toaster ovens that look like Chrysler Bldg. gargoyles, canned food, fridges that look like coffins, canned food, electric pan handlers, poop tarts, aunt Jemimah beans, rubber jar lid openers, canned food, houses that look like radiators, plush toilet seats, carmobiles, canned food, expandable socks, ulcerators, mandibles, uh, uh, uh...
Where was I...oh, yes, my fav pie in the sky invention that I wanna mention is one that i think has been far too long overlooked among the more obvious, the more flashy and glamourous, your radars and your tarted up, glorified disposals...no, it now needs to find it's place in history and I am your Buddy, the Holly roller to do it. I'm gonna Cash in. It is no other than the right Reverend Hall's
[glow=red,2,300]HUMBLE RUBBER BAND[/glow]
Remember Larry and Sue? Hard lessons fought for and won. Slung about and such? Cupidity...Hall brought them to the truth.
But he hardly invented the rubber band, you say. It had been invented years before...Lincoln had used it to keep his hat on. Washington his teeth. The British had conquered half the known world with them.
But never had a rubber band been used like this...
Let us again see in our minds the scene. Hall tells it like it is. If you do not follow Cupid's 3 Laws. 1. Avoid men who hang around gym locker rooms and have long serious conversations with their friends in their underwear2. Don't go out with any girl who, god forbid, WANTS TO GO TO COLLEGE 3. Make sure those quite normal, don't worry about it, it happens to everyone 15 minute pause in your conversations, DON'T HAPPEN EVERY 30 SECONDS! you're in big trouble...
Marriage is a rubber band. It stretches and expands and then SNAP
WHERE DID IT GO, AAHHHHHHH
SERIOUSLY WHERE IS IT, GOD, WHERE....UH, oh...
Where was I? If you don't yet believe I have latched onto the 50's most unique moment of invention then sample this sample of the rubberband's post-Hall trajectory:
1961: Rubberbands used to hold shakey Kennedy together during Cuban Libre "Rowsdower"tail crisis. Marilyn drops by and...oops, SNAP
1964: Jayne Mansfield invents the rubberband thank you mam suppourt bra. Screaming Mimi Van Dorable countersues, claiming she'd started the craze among the day's untamed youth.
1968: rubberbands hold celebrity astronauts Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin to model rocket shot over Hollywood hills to advertise upcoming Moon Landing. Gives new meaning to word: jerry-rigged.
1969: rubberbands worn by Vietnam protestors for reasons still only understood if you are on drugs.
1974 Nixon resigns. This has nothing to do with rubberbands. I just like saying Nixon resigns. (Nixed!)
1978 The Rubberband Band records super disco hit: A Young Man Named Nancy. Contains lyrics: "Remember Rev. Hall, back then we had a ball, no worries but the bomb, pink flamingoes on the lawn, Mamie E. and Larry, and Sue, rubberbands, man, never got their due."
1979 Karen Carpenter held upright in her chair by rubberbands during mythic Hollywood Bowl concert. They snap, sending rubberband stocks and shares crashing...and Karen too.
1987? Rubberbands out of vogue until used during Oslo accords. Aids under table constantly snap them against Reagan's leg to keep him awake.
2004. Courtney Love uses rubberbands to hold her ideas together for new release, America's Sweetlard.
2006?
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Post by losingmydignity on Feb 24, 2004 2:02:58 GMT -5
P.S. Larry and Sue are still together! I want you to know. That's them on the cover of the 69 Woodstock album cover (with the blanket) Really, it's true. Sure they hate each other now and they gave up on every finding anything that would make them happy, and their kids are all drug addicts, and Sue hasn't been the same since the consumption and the malaria, and Larry's in the basement mixing up some medicine...but, hey...
bonus q. Rollerball! The game...that looked like fun.
I kid.
I always wanted the future to look like the one they invented in the 60's that retro cocktail future half-Jetsons, half-Green Slime spaceship, half-art deco. Futurism, but with mini-skirts and big hair.
I want it. Please?!
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Post by doctorz on Feb 24, 2004 9:03:01 GMT -5
Eieeee ..... Yes! Something I can speak from learned experience about! "Never before!" was the anthem of the age. We all heard about a precedent-breaking product at least 20 times a day.
The wall screen TV happened, the personal helicopters happened, plexiglass bubble tops on cars happened, so where are the automatic freeways, huh? I want to read the paper during my morning commute. I hate paying attention to traffic, and judging from the amount of accidents in my home town, so do most people. What is so hard about this? Can't we write our congresspeople or something?
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Post by Bart Fargo on Feb 24, 2004 14:39:18 GMT -5
How about that invisible spaceship in Manhunt in Space? I sure would like to have one of those invisble devices invented by Vladamir Horowitz.  |
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Post by NewGirl731 on Feb 25, 2004 18:23:31 GMT -5
Well, I had an answer, then I read LosingmyDignity's post, and I got confused...
Anyway, I have to make note of the most amazing futuristic invention this world has yet known, and the best part is this fabulous amazing futuristic thing is everywhere, only we don't fully utilize it's amazing futuristicness!
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the
office chair!!
yes! The office chair is not only ergonomically correct, but it comes in many fashion colords, and you can use it to break through the very earth's atmosphere and go to the moon a la Crash Corrigan! Bring a girl so you have someone to make coffee!! Nasa is using it this very moment to simulate G-forces! Astronaut trainees all tipping back in sync. You know if the Neptune Men have them then it's gotta be space technology of the highest caliber! I propose that virtually every rocket ship seen on MST had office chairs - First spaceship to Venus, Rocket Ship X-M, Fugitive Alien, Moon Zero Two, Manhunt in Space all had office chairs, and without them humans never would have conquered space in the 1950's!
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Post by losingmydignity on Feb 25, 2004 18:37:11 GMT -5
Well, I had an answer, then I read LosingmyDignity's post, and I got confused... Apparently I got confused too... I read Ms. Torgo's post, got excited, waited a day dreaming about and drooling over my anticipated rubberband post... Then wrote it without reading the game rules again. I'll never do that again. "promised" invention she said. Not just invention or use of invention which is what I thought I read. I'm sorry I confused newgirl. I'm sorry I even brought up rubberbands. I"m sorry I was even born. I'm going to go shoot myself now, bye.  |
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Post by Miss Interoceter on Feb 25, 2004 23:06:51 GMT -5
Pshh! I still think you're going to win, lmd! That was truly inspired. And newgirl, don't forget those break dancing office chairs! There's nothing those babies can't do!!!!
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Post by losingmydignity on Feb 26, 2004 1:29:22 GMT -5
Pshh! I still think you're going to win, lmd! That was truly inspired. And newgirl, don't forget those break dancing office chairs! There's nothing those babies can't do!!!!  |
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Post by NewGirl731 on Feb 26, 2004 12:58:48 GMT -5
Losingmydignity, we survived the trolls of Scifi together! No matter how confusing you get, we're still buds. Time for your meds!
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Post by losingmydignity on Feb 27, 2004 2:31:32 GMT -5
Gulp (meds going down) Thanks  (re: surviving trolls. We've gotta get Robert Shaw drunk on a boat sometime and sit around and show off all our scars.) |
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