Very Twisted Indiana Jones Plots

[regalo]

The idea here is to create I.J. movie plots that twist and turn in very bizarre directions. Your synopsis must be as simple as possible so as to avoid rambling on and on. Please try to make it an easy read. Here is an example ...

"Indiana Jones and the Mask of Fame"

Part One:

Indiana Jones enters a cave looking for a priceless artifact. He finds a Mask that allows one to change form. He puts the Mask on and becomes one of the kids from the television show Fame.

Part Two:

After winning a role in a musical on Broadway Indy finds himself kidnapped by Girl Scouts and forced to teach them how to sell cookies the right way, so they can win a trip to Disneyland. They win the trip but the airplane crashes en route.

Part Three:

While trying to survive a la The Lord of the Flies on a deserted island, the Girl Scouts chase Indy to a beach where waits a ghost ship full of Ghost Pirates who take Indy and leave the girls, because he's the only one who knows how to dance.

Part Four:

The ghost pirates now have the Mask and are about to make Indy walk the plank when a large whale appears and swallows him alive. Indy find a ship inside the whale occupied by living people. They start a fire and the whale is forced to vomit them up on a shore.

Part Five:

The Mask ends up in a museum, Indy arrives at the High School of the Performing Arts in time to dance mightily for his graduation, the Girl Scouts are rescued, and the Ghost Pirates attack New York City totally levelling it.

The End.

[regalo]

Indiana Jones and the Martial Artist's Fist of Fury

Part One:

Indiana is tryig to get into a crypt wherein are the remains of Mozart. He sees Mozart sitting on his coffin and asks him what he's doing. Mozart says he's decomposing. Indy moves on. Ffurther on in the crypt he comes across a symbol that looks like two people fighting mano a mano. He reads, in ancient Latin, that there will be a terrible battle between good and evil, and that if good is not careful it will lose.

Part Two:

Indy is teaching at a University, showing his students the drawing he found in the crypt, when suddenly, through the windows come crashing many Ninjas! The students run from the classroom. Indy stays to fight but is captured and carried off. On the way to to the villianous headquarters they stop off for Kentucky Fried.

Part Three:

Indy is brought before a Charlie Chan-like villian who calls himself, well, Cho, and then introduces Indy to his daughter named Chen. Indy has been kidnapped to protect a boy they call The Golden Child, who will save humanity from destruction. The castle they are in is attacked, but Indy, Chen, and the boy escape via the underground tunnels. They find an underground river and get into a raft and flow downriver singing songs like La Cucaracha.

Part Four:

For whatever strange reason they find themselves in New Jersey where they are robbed and Chen is shot. The young boy heals Chen and Indy now understands why the boy is very important. But the Golden Child is soon kidnapped and Indy and Chen are forced to spend time playing spin the bottle. The bottle lands on Indy and he concedes that it's his turn to attempt a rescue of the boy.

Part Five:

Indy enters a warehouse where the boy is being kept and comes face to face with Steven Segal who has been hired to kill Indy. Indy throws the first punch. Steven breaks his leg. Indy kicks out. Steven breaks his leg. Indy uses harsh words and Steven falls down dead. Chen appears in the warehouse and takes care of the rest of the Ninjas in a bloody battle that spreads to a movie set and then to a movie theater where "Indiana Jones and the Martial Artist's Fist of Fury" is being shown.

Epilogue:

Indy, Chen and the boy sit down in the theater to enjoy the ending of the movie. On the screen, Chen and Indy kiss and say their goodbyes, then they walk away, Indy getting in an airplane and Chen getting in a hot air balloon. The Golden Child rises from his seat and walks up to the movie screen and actually enters the screen becoming part of the movie. He smiles and waves at the audience as the screen fades out and the credits start to roll and the John Williams' music plays.

[regalo]

Indiana Jones and the Painting of the Mona Lisa with the Big Teeth

Part One:

Indian enters a Nazi stronghold and breaks into one of the rooms which house many works of great art. He finds what he's looking for -- a painting of the Mona Lisa with the Big Teeth. In grand fashion he escapes the stronghold amid flying bullets, big hairy men who want to fistfight, but must face his greatest challenge when Hitler himself blocks the way to the airplane whereby Indy must make his escape. They do battle and Indy succeeds by ripping off the Furor's moustache. Indy gets in the plane and escapes.

Part Two:

The painting of the Mona Lisa with the Big Teeth is being displayed in an art museum when a large blimp appears in the sky, and many German soldiers begin to descend on ropes and attack the museum. Indy grabs the Mona Lisa with the Big Teeth and runs for it. A car chase ensues through the city streets as the blimp overhead follows the pursuit. The chase continues to the countryside where Indy is cornered and almost crashes into a wall, which turns out to be the entrance to the Batcave.

Part Three:

Batman introduces himself to Indy and wonders why the Nazis want the painting so badly. He studies it under various gizmos and determines the reason for the pursuit. If one sees the painting under flourescent lighting a map appears of a jetpack that fits on the back of a man allowing him to fly like a bird. The blimp appears over Wayne Manor and German Soldiers begin to descend on ropes. Indy and Batman join forces in fighting off the Nazis. Indy straps a jetpack created by Batman to his back and flies to the top of the blimp. Dolph Lundgren comes out of a hatchway built into the blimp and they fight mano a mano. Indy kills Dolph, of course, but in the course of the fight the blimp is set on fire. Indy escapes just in time.

Epilogue:

The painting finds a resting place in the museum, but, it is nothing but a duplicate. The real thing hangs in Wayne Manor, next to the painting of the Madonna with the Big Boobies.

[I Reject My Slave-name]

Indiana Jones & the Lost City of Atlantis

Part One:

Following a lull in activity after marking end of term papers, Indy has some time to mull over his life and realises he's left at least three love interest loose-ends just hanging. Further consideration of this reveals that it's all his dad's fault - yes, the secret agent that left even more loose-end love interests in his wake.
However, none of this matters as Indy is sent a mysterious package in the mail, which contains a copy of 'The Tempest' - which would seem to be an original handwritten. He sets out to Shropshire, on a quest to find the real Shakespeare.

Part Two:

Indy arrives in London, where he realises he is being followed by shadowy agents. He makes his way to Westminster, and shakes them off by blending-in with a tourgroup. The tourgroup gets on a bus to The London Dungeon, where a Beefeater goes ape at Indy insisting he recognises him. After a chase sequence in the museum, Indy escapes by jumping into a hay truck - which happens to be going to Glouster. When there, he gets a room at a local tavern, The Francis Bacon Inn.

Part Three:

Going over the handwritten play, Indy discovers variations to the published versions of today. The clues or omissions and alterations, all seem to point to a vast hidden repository of other books from the same era - including the definitive first-ever appearance of modern English in print, as well as written.
Indy has a dream where Merlin tells him where the hidden library is. The next morning, the dream-Merlin is sitting in the tavern. He and Indy speak with one another, and he gives Indy an amulet-seal that was brought from the (then) New World, and meant to be from Atlantis.
Indy realises he has to go back to America.

Part Four:

Indy lands at Lima airport, after spending a bemusing journey sat next to an exiled Tibetian Lama. He asks questions of some local shamen of the Atlantis lore, and is invited to attend a Yage ritual in the Amazon. During the ritual, Indy is shown the location of The City of Gold. Three days later, he climbs down from the tree he woke up in, and sets off the find the City. This he does - but as you probably guessed, the Nazis are there already, as well as some greedy mercenaries. There's loads of precisely built and huge massive underground tunnel systems, with unknown scripts on many walls (which are lit by torches), and all kinds of booby-traps. Then a library of tablets is discovered, laser-etched upon gold and sapphire and emeralds, etc. However, when things go wrong due to human stupidity, the library is of course lost forever, well at the least it seals itself off in such as way as to be 'lost' again.

Epilogue:
Indy is at his University's museum, looking at the Atlantean amulet now on display there.

[I Reject My Slave-name]

Indiana Jones and the Ahnenerbe

Part One:

Indy has a plan to aquire new artefacts for the University museum - by secretly joining the Ahenerbe and robbing / liberating any of their finds.
He grows a moustache as a disguise, and heads out to Germany with a replica uniform.

Part Two: Indy is almost caught as he discovers a hidden law exists where no-one but Der Fuhrer is allowed to have a 'tache. Quickly sorting that one out, he dodges some guards and joins an expedition to Tibet.

Part Three: After spending an excruciating week measuring faces, Indy finally gets to go to The White Pyramid. Monks there recognise he is in disguise, and take him aside. Indy is shown entrances to Aghartha, and a history about the battle between the forces of light and dark is related to him. He agrees to help fight the Deros, an underground race.

Part Four: Deep in the inner Earth, the Deros are using a machine to broadcast thought-control waves to the surface. Indy and the monks gain control of the machine and switch it off. They then have to prevent the technologies from reaching the surface or becoming known of, so they seal off the tunnels - just before the expedition finds them.

Epilogue: the monks sort out Indy for travel back home, and he flies back with a Thangka scroll - a gift from the monks for the museum.