Post by nightfalcawk on Feb 16, 2004 19:47:23 GMT -5
[shadow=red,left,300]Short: The Home Economics Story
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Short Synopsis: Well ladies, you may not want to see this short if you have any self respect. It’s about a hopelessly dull loser named Kay who goes to an all-girl meeting narrated by a large-cheeked loud-mouthed speaker. Shots of women cooking while a bizarre, sexist narrator tells about the only jobs women can have. The speaker is forgotten and focus shifts back to Kay. Then the narrator says that women should go to college for the simple reason of slaving away he life under the watch of their hideous male overlord. Then the narrator suggests that college might not be worth it (?) and Kay gets accepted to college. The acceptance letter also apparently came the day before classes started. Huh, that’s inconvenient. Kay then runs to a generic college (which is all girls except for one male cheerleader) where the narrator assures that Kay will probably fit in but might not. They then go to her storage basement-I mean dorm when the parents instantly leave after they give her curtains. An obnoxious looking roommate and two random girls see Kay and, at the spur of the moment and seconds after Mom and Dad leave, decide to form a tight pact of friendship. Then they have wholesome fun, cavorting around campus doing boring things that “many people have done before” for five seconds. Then they show classes purely on being a woman, nothing more, everything less. Then classes end after five seconds of class per class. Time for more boring fun! Then they have short boring dialogue, including one of my favorite lines ever “*Oh you know me! Best cook ever to come out of food 201. I’m going to major in cooking! **Really I am.” *- like a loud upbeat, boisterous Michigan mom; **- wistfully and distant while, at the same time, bored. Kay then decides to graduate in teaching (yippee! You go girl.). Then some decide to major in powerful subjects to become things like, nurses, fashion engineers, waitresses, cooks, and (drum-roll please) that all powerful job as: a housewife! (…and the crowd goes wild [Yay.]). They decide to lead hopelessly boring lives (in careers like studying children’s clothing needs). Then the prom. They then graduate after spending an apparent five days in college (wow, I want to go to that school!). The announcer then wonders what home economics is. The announcer then says that girls are all preparing for a chosen specialty and a career in homemaking. ALL GIRLS! Then they all lead boring, meaningless lives in boring meaningless careers and all die unhappy, angry, and knowing that their lives were dictated by a narrator and that they went to college for five days. It ends with a train ride.
Movie Synopsis: A book called the Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyages into the Waters of the Sea Serpent is opened and the same narrator explains that the Vikings left and never returned. Enough of that, they then show absurdly sexy Viking Women using a voting system in which they fell a great tree, cut and fashion the wood into sharp spikes, tan and kill a deer, boil its hide to produce a glue, smelt iron, make yards of spindle to tie the iron with, designate two trees for the vote, and hurl, the spears from a long distance into one of the trees. An exceptionally sexy Viking chick wants to go in search of the men and points to a cloud in the shape of a boat. Another spear is chucked and the hundreds of spears that they poured so much time and work in are instantly forgotten. Oh, well, time for the Viking Women to sail around aimlessly! Soon they are attacked by a Sea Serpent. They then land on an arbitrary shore that could or could not be the Waters of the Sea Serpent. There’s also a guy who is dresses in a vest that looks like he rolled around on a porcupine but he doesn’t matter. A guy sensuously whips the women and the women are subdued instantaneously. They get captured and the women talk about how wonderful and fantastic the Vikings are. They call the people who subjugate them “brutal”, “heathens” and “savages”. Turns out the Vikings are enslaved and gave them language and technology. They also speak the Viking tongue fluently without accent after studying them for a few weeks. They go hunting and a woman saves a really homo prince. I have nothing against homos, but that guy gives homosexuals a bad name. He’s queerer than the Fab Five put together. Then the women prove they kick ass by beating the men at arm wrestling. Viking women then try to liberate the men but wind up making a ridiculous amount of noise. Then they test the love between two Vikings by burning them at the stake. The first to cry “Uncle” lives. Neither does and Chief Big Bird urges them to sacrifice the other. No emotion for the lover from me at all. The “savages” then say their Gods are happy that the guys are dying. The Vikings call their Gods and put the fire out. A guy beats up Chief Big Bird but decides not to kill him. The Gay son dies and is roasted (not cremated) post mortem. Then comes a Viking hunt. Then the “savages” are eaten by the Sea Serpent.
Review: The short is the most offensive thing I’ve ever known. The fact that the announcer says that women WILL need a home ec course to succeed in life is sick and offensive. As a MAN it offended me for all of mankind. Also, the career women in the short seem so depressed that they look moments away from jamming their pinking shears into their necks from the oppressive monotony of their jobs. Those jobs studying clothes and food seem SO mind-numbingly boring, needless, and stupid that I tend to think those jobs were fake and thrown in there just to fill in a time gap. Speaking of time, there seems to be no constsnt frame of time. One minute she's a junior and the next she graduates. what the hell is going on here?
As for the Viking Women, it’s so riddled with inconsistencies that how anyone can endure it without riffing is beyond me. A) Where did they get their swim-suits from B) The Viking were, in fact, dirty, filthy savages who’s subsistence was dependent on sacking settlements. They were not as advanced as the movie leads us to believe.
C) How did the “savages” learn Viking if the Vikings were enslaved and spoke another tongue? How did they become fluent in Viking? If Viking are so proud, why did they BECOME slaves?
D) Why is it called “and the Sea Serpent”? The Serpent is on screen for five minutes, so why not “and the Boar” or “and the Dogs”?
The riffing was solid with great, memorable, host segments. The riffing on the shorts kept me rolling on the floor but they could have done more with the obvious boring monotony of the jobs of women in the short. The Viking Women, however, was not as good. A commendable effort to pull enjoyment from a woefully boring movie, but, sadly, not enough. Buy this if only for the short and the waffle host segments.
8 out of 10
Edit: I wanted to state something else. How come all narrators sound the same? Where do they find a bunch of people who sound like one another? I swear, I think that all narrators are the same.
What do you think of my reveiws, guys? TEXT
) A kid dies of thirst. Anyway Illya, the guy who can’t move is still alive (good thing the Mongol hordes didn’t think to go INTO the people’s houses and kill and loot what they find) and has some arbitrary strangers for dinner. Poor Illya, forced to take a dump for all eternity. OR IS HE?! He drinks some dew and is better (dew from what). Wow, that was a quick fix. And to think that all he needed was some dew to cure himself from an evil, unbreakable curse. Then, the strangers who just happen to be wandering near the person who needs magic dew when they have magic dew, also give him the sword of Invincor, the Giant (pretty small sword for a giant with trees coming up to his ankles). Then comes a needless scene where he throws things. For no reason none the less. Then the people watching are all like “Oh, the son grows strong on nutrasweet like a falcon on pot,” and other random lines of dialogue that slip into their heads. He asks his parents (who look much, much younger than him) to leave. Still, no explanation on why he was petrified. He rides a tiny horse that grows instantly (actually a pretty nice effect). He decides to take the road to death (?) from the advice of the voices in his head. A wind demon blows wind in his face to kill him (uhh, how can a gust kill you?), but it turns out the wind demon is a clutz and he falls on his head. 