Post by vanhagar3000 on Jun 28, 2005 17:58:19 GMT -5
1001- Soultaker
Joel and Frank returns in this historic MST3K episode. The host segments revolve around weird happenings on the SOL. Mike and the bots are saved by a mysterious figure who turns out to be Joel. The feature is about some teens getting in a car accident, and being stalked by soultaking Joe Estevez. The movie is a cheesy independent feature from the early 90s, and while not terrible, it isn’t a good movie either. Estevez isn’t the only soultaker, as TV’s Frank returns to take the soul of Bobo. You’d think host segments with Joel and Frank would be great, well you’d be wrong. Unfortunately, I found these segments disappointing. It’s as if they didn’t even try to be funny, and just coasted on the fact there were two former popular characters there. It was great to see them, but I wish it would have been funny, since it was a comedy show. The movie riffing though does bring the funny in a very big way. The movie is riffed to near perfection, but every so often stutters. Some of the best parts is the 1980s cheese and the mastabatory work of the star/screenwriter. Near classic and historic episode. ****½
1002- Girl in Gold Boots
A well remembered episode, that Mike Nelson has said is one of his personal favorites. The movie is a sleazy counter culture movie about....well nothing really, some girl wants to become a dancer, meets up with a drifter or two, etc. etc. This movie is one of the worst the show has ever had. No plot, terrible editing, idiotic direction, greasy bad actors, and a twitching henchmen. However the episode is very good and another strong outing during season ten. The movie worked well for MST3K, as it was awful, but not boring. The host segments are okay, and we begin the short Pearl’s inclusion to the Institute of Mad Science story arch, that lasted about five episodes. The host segments started to slowly get better in this episode. A good outing and it’s not hard to see why Mike considers it a favorite. ****½
1003- Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders
The movie is a Princess Bride ripoff, with Grandpa Ernest Borgnine telling two unrelated Merlin stories that are completely inappropriate for the grandson he tells it to. The episode starts well as the MST3K gang riff the opening segment with Borgnine and the introduction to Merlin and some jerk store reviewer (who is the most powerful man in twenty states or something like that). The actors were probably found at a community theater, and the SOL crew takes advantage of it. The over the top jerk store reviewer is especially hammy and a good target for riffs. There are a ton of gutbusters here, along with a couple of slow spots. Then the second half of the movie is an edited version of the 1984 film Devil’s Gift. This part isn’t nearly as strong, but still has some good stuff. (Including Rock N’ Roll Martian) The theater segments are fairly uneven, and at points it seems like it’s going to be a classic, then it falls flat, then it picks back up. The host segments are very good with some great spoof on the movie including Grandpa Borgnine’s children’s books. Season ten would actually continue to improve host segments, being the most consistent since probably season four or five. Technically this was the final MST3K show to make the air, and made it on after the finale as a lost episode. Well it’s a good thing they found it, because it’s a really funny episode. ****
1004- Future War
This is one of those episodes that had a movie made for MST3K. This film is a mixed ripoff of The Predator, The Terminator, and Jurassic Park. The story goes a cyborg (a Jean Claude Van Damme doppleganger) comes from the future and is being tracked by dinosaurs and their masters. He gets help from nun, drug pushers, and fat guys to kill them all. This movie is absolutely ridiculous and it almost writes itself. There are a few poorly choreographed and performed kick boxing scenes (including one when the character takes his shirt off for no reason) which make for good material. The riffing of the porky fat guys is always funny. The host segments in this one isn’t quite as good as Merlin’s Shop, but still an improvement over the previous lackluster season. There is very little to complain about with this episode, however it’s not quite five star quality. The movie is funny by itself, and MST3K defiantly enhances it. ****½
1005- Blood Waters of Doctor Z
Infamous movie turned into a well remembered episode. In the movie, a mad doctor turns himself into a fish creature and kills people. That’s about it. This movie is similar to The Beast of Yucca Flats or The Creeping Terror. While both are incredibly boring the films, they’re so inept, that they’re entertaining throughout because in almost every frame there is some unintentional humor. Unlike the previous two, it does suffer from Monster a-Go Go syndrome (so boring, not matter how good the riffing, it still hurts the episode). The host segments are about as good as the previous episode. I think one has to see the incredible terribleness of this movie to truly understand. ****½
1006- Boggy Creek II
The southern fried justice of season ten continues with Boggy Creek II based in Arkansas. The story is about a group of people searching for the boggy creek creature (basically a bigfoot of the Ozarks). The movie itself isn’t terrible, it’s okay, but a little too southern fried for my tastes. The episode riffing is again a little uneven here, and can go from great to silence and back again. The highlight would be the final theater segment with “Old Man Crenshaw” and the riffing really picks up. So the pacing and building of humor turned out to be good, at least they finished with the funny. This episode also features some really good host segments again, including the goofing on the flashbacks in the movie. Not a classic episode, but it defiantly brings the funny. ****
1007- Track of the Moonbeast
In this episode, the movie is about a man who is gets hit by a meteor which fragments into his head and turns him into a lizard beast. From there it’s generic monster movie rampage. So all in all, not a movie to write home about, but it had some interesting ideas at points. This episode, is not really anything to write home about either. It isn’t bad, but after the last six episodes, it’s kind of a letdown. Host segments and riffing are enjoyable, but nothing spectacular. **½
1008- Final Justice
Joe Don Baker is (literally) a ton of fun in this Coogan’s Bluff ripoff. (with all the ripoffs you’d think we’re in season three) Basically, Joe Don is transporting a criminal and loses him in Malta, so he decides to go on his own personal manhunt for him. Joe Don Baker is actually a pretty decent character actor, but a terrible lead. He just doesn’t have the skill or look for it. Of course this makes him an easy target when he’s on MST3K. (Well that and his girth) They’re pretty harsh on Joe Don’s acting ability, intelligence, and weight, and it’s fantastic. The riffing on the final credits with singing Joe Don fat jokes may be some of the best riffing of the entire series. The episode is solid throughout, but that’s the key high light. The host segments are fairly decent, with the best of them being the one about Goosio, the hero of Malta. This episode is a little underrated, and I think it’s because it doesn’t stack well against Mitchell. This episode is just as funny, but the movie isn’t nearly as cheesy or fun. It’s still in my opinion, as good as Mitchell. *****
1009- Hamlet
The all-time worst episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. This is a dreary 1960s dubbed German made for TV version of Hamlet. That movie just didn’t work for MST3K, and you can tell MST3K was at the bottom of the barrel for movies to riff. The movie was too slow, too talkative, and too actionless for MST3K. I can’t believe they’d choose this over Plan 9 from Outer Space which they said was too dialogue heavy. But the problem continues from there as they really hit rock bottom as far as riffing. Many supporters of this episode will say the episode is too high brow for some people. They’re full of poopie. This is one of the more vulgar MST3K episodes that I remember, and it uses a ton of scatological humor. I guess they were trying to contrast their humor with the dignified Hamlet, but it got annoying. However the final act of Hamlet has some okay riffs pop up that got laughs. The host segments were all forgettable, except for Mike doing a Joe Don Baker impression. This episode isn’t just bad MST3K, it’s bad period. After 200 episodes, I guess one was bound to suck really really bad. Absolutely dreadful waste of two hours, and something BBI shouldn’t be proud of. If I did negative stars for MST3K, this episode would get it. DUD
1010- It Lives By Night
A man is bitten by a bat, and turns into one, killing people along the way. This movie isn’t exceedingly bad or good it’s just there. Same could be said about this episode. Not exceedingly good (like Final Justice) or exceedingly bad (like Hamlet) it’s just there. A fairly funny episode, but it works with such a dull movie that it can’t really go anywhere. Funny lines here and there, and some dead spots here and there. Okay host segments. A good episode. ***
1011- Horrors of Spider Island
This fair episode, contains the most sexually exploitive MST film of all-time. In this edited for TV German nudie cutie, a group of hot female dancers and one VERY lucky man have their plane crash and they end up on an island with a radioactive spider, which bites the man who becomes a wolf-man spider and terrorizes the women. Being that this movie was made more for the sex and women than anything else, everything else just falls apart. The acting is so awful you know everyone tens years from this point was in porno. The story was so thin, it made some of the girls look bulky. The editing, the directing, the everything. In hindsight, this movie may come close to Manos or the Coleman Francis triology. The episode, while not classic, is definately a good effort. The movie was good for riffing in that it provided a lot of jokes on how technically bad it was, but there was little action or progress besides some fight scenes. There were quite a bevy of jokes aimed at the young ladies in the film which was hit or miss depending on the quality of the joke and kind of went on forever. The host segments again were well done, however there is a MAJOR editing snafu as the first and middle segments run out of order. It really hurts the flow of a good episode. With the major incorrection taken into account, this is a decent entry into season ten. **1/2
1012- Squirm (with short A Case of Spring Fever)
The feature is basically a version of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, only with worms. Not a very good version, but since they stole from the best, the movie is tolerable. The short is an rather infamous and is about Coily, the Spring Sprite who teaches a dumbass about the greatness of springs. The last perfect episode. The host segments were good (especially the visit from Mikey, the Mike Sprite). The riffing for the film was hilarious. The riffing on the short was just as hilarious, but the short was so inept that it was even funnier. A great second to last episode. ***** [S: *****, F: *****]
1013- Diabolik
The feature is about super-thief Diabolik (played by Kalgan from Space Mutiny) who runs around stealing jewels, gold, murdering innocent people, and being a nuisance to the government of a generic European country all so he can get laid. This is the final episode of MST3K. The host segments were all great and they wrap up the show perfectly, they are five stars. The riffing in the theater was absolutely hilarious and worth five stars. So why am I giving it 4.5 stars? The movie seemed out of place as the final MST3K episode. If it was mid season with different host segments I probably would have given it five stars, but as the final episode, it was just wrong. A science fiction movie probably should have been last. My first two choices would be to have redone The Green Slime (pilot of KTMA) or The Crawling Eye (first show for the first national season). Invaders of the Deep (first show that aired on TV) being redone doesn't excite me. Really, any sci-fi movie would have made for a good final episode, but this spy thriller is out of place as the end of MST3K. ****½
Season Average: 4.2
Best Episode: Final Justice (*****)
Worst Episode: Hamlet (DUD)
Joel and Frank returns in this historic MST3K episode. The host segments revolve around weird happenings on the SOL. Mike and the bots are saved by a mysterious figure who turns out to be Joel. The feature is about some teens getting in a car accident, and being stalked by soultaking Joe Estevez. The movie is a cheesy independent feature from the early 90s, and while not terrible, it isn’t a good movie either. Estevez isn’t the only soultaker, as TV’s Frank returns to take the soul of Bobo. You’d think host segments with Joel and Frank would be great, well you’d be wrong. Unfortunately, I found these segments disappointing. It’s as if they didn’t even try to be funny, and just coasted on the fact there were two former popular characters there. It was great to see them, but I wish it would have been funny, since it was a comedy show. The movie riffing though does bring the funny in a very big way. The movie is riffed to near perfection, but every so often stutters. Some of the best parts is the 1980s cheese and the mastabatory work of the star/screenwriter. Near classic and historic episode. ****½
1002- Girl in Gold Boots
A well remembered episode, that Mike Nelson has said is one of his personal favorites. The movie is a sleazy counter culture movie about....well nothing really, some girl wants to become a dancer, meets up with a drifter or two, etc. etc. This movie is one of the worst the show has ever had. No plot, terrible editing, idiotic direction, greasy bad actors, and a twitching henchmen. However the episode is very good and another strong outing during season ten. The movie worked well for MST3K, as it was awful, but not boring. The host segments are okay, and we begin the short Pearl’s inclusion to the Institute of Mad Science story arch, that lasted about five episodes. The host segments started to slowly get better in this episode. A good outing and it’s not hard to see why Mike considers it a favorite. ****½
1003- Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders
The movie is a Princess Bride ripoff, with Grandpa Ernest Borgnine telling two unrelated Merlin stories that are completely inappropriate for the grandson he tells it to. The episode starts well as the MST3K gang riff the opening segment with Borgnine and the introduction to Merlin and some jerk store reviewer (who is the most powerful man in twenty states or something like that). The actors were probably found at a community theater, and the SOL crew takes advantage of it. The over the top jerk store reviewer is especially hammy and a good target for riffs. There are a ton of gutbusters here, along with a couple of slow spots. Then the second half of the movie is an edited version of the 1984 film Devil’s Gift. This part isn’t nearly as strong, but still has some good stuff. (Including Rock N’ Roll Martian) The theater segments are fairly uneven, and at points it seems like it’s going to be a classic, then it falls flat, then it picks back up. The host segments are very good with some great spoof on the movie including Grandpa Borgnine’s children’s books. Season ten would actually continue to improve host segments, being the most consistent since probably season four or five. Technically this was the final MST3K show to make the air, and made it on after the finale as a lost episode. Well it’s a good thing they found it, because it’s a really funny episode. ****
1004- Future War
This is one of those episodes that had a movie made for MST3K. This film is a mixed ripoff of The Predator, The Terminator, and Jurassic Park. The story goes a cyborg (a Jean Claude Van Damme doppleganger) comes from the future and is being tracked by dinosaurs and their masters. He gets help from nun, drug pushers, and fat guys to kill them all. This movie is absolutely ridiculous and it almost writes itself. There are a few poorly choreographed and performed kick boxing scenes (including one when the character takes his shirt off for no reason) which make for good material. The riffing of the porky fat guys is always funny. The host segments in this one isn’t quite as good as Merlin’s Shop, but still an improvement over the previous lackluster season. There is very little to complain about with this episode, however it’s not quite five star quality. The movie is funny by itself, and MST3K defiantly enhances it. ****½
1005- Blood Waters of Doctor Z
Infamous movie turned into a well remembered episode. In the movie, a mad doctor turns himself into a fish creature and kills people. That’s about it. This movie is similar to The Beast of Yucca Flats or The Creeping Terror. While both are incredibly boring the films, they’re so inept, that they’re entertaining throughout because in almost every frame there is some unintentional humor. Unlike the previous two, it does suffer from Monster a-Go Go syndrome (so boring, not matter how good the riffing, it still hurts the episode). The host segments are about as good as the previous episode. I think one has to see the incredible terribleness of this movie to truly understand. ****½
1006- Boggy Creek II
The southern fried justice of season ten continues with Boggy Creek II based in Arkansas. The story is about a group of people searching for the boggy creek creature (basically a bigfoot of the Ozarks). The movie itself isn’t terrible, it’s okay, but a little too southern fried for my tastes. The episode riffing is again a little uneven here, and can go from great to silence and back again. The highlight would be the final theater segment with “Old Man Crenshaw” and the riffing really picks up. So the pacing and building of humor turned out to be good, at least they finished with the funny. This episode also features some really good host segments again, including the goofing on the flashbacks in the movie. Not a classic episode, but it defiantly brings the funny. ****
1007- Track of the Moonbeast
In this episode, the movie is about a man who is gets hit by a meteor which fragments into his head and turns him into a lizard beast. From there it’s generic monster movie rampage. So all in all, not a movie to write home about, but it had some interesting ideas at points. This episode, is not really anything to write home about either. It isn’t bad, but after the last six episodes, it’s kind of a letdown. Host segments and riffing are enjoyable, but nothing spectacular. **½
1008- Final Justice
Joe Don Baker is (literally) a ton of fun in this Coogan’s Bluff ripoff. (with all the ripoffs you’d think we’re in season three) Basically, Joe Don is transporting a criminal and loses him in Malta, so he decides to go on his own personal manhunt for him. Joe Don Baker is actually a pretty decent character actor, but a terrible lead. He just doesn’t have the skill or look for it. Of course this makes him an easy target when he’s on MST3K. (Well that and his girth) They’re pretty harsh on Joe Don’s acting ability, intelligence, and weight, and it’s fantastic. The riffing on the final credits with singing Joe Don fat jokes may be some of the best riffing of the entire series. The episode is solid throughout, but that’s the key high light. The host segments are fairly decent, with the best of them being the one about Goosio, the hero of Malta. This episode is a little underrated, and I think it’s because it doesn’t stack well against Mitchell. This episode is just as funny, but the movie isn’t nearly as cheesy or fun. It’s still in my opinion, as good as Mitchell. *****
1009- Hamlet
The all-time worst episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. This is a dreary 1960s dubbed German made for TV version of Hamlet. That movie just didn’t work for MST3K, and you can tell MST3K was at the bottom of the barrel for movies to riff. The movie was too slow, too talkative, and too actionless for MST3K. I can’t believe they’d choose this over Plan 9 from Outer Space which they said was too dialogue heavy. But the problem continues from there as they really hit rock bottom as far as riffing. Many supporters of this episode will say the episode is too high brow for some people. They’re full of poopie. This is one of the more vulgar MST3K episodes that I remember, and it uses a ton of scatological humor. I guess they were trying to contrast their humor with the dignified Hamlet, but it got annoying. However the final act of Hamlet has some okay riffs pop up that got laughs. The host segments were all forgettable, except for Mike doing a Joe Don Baker impression. This episode isn’t just bad MST3K, it’s bad period. After 200 episodes, I guess one was bound to suck really really bad. Absolutely dreadful waste of two hours, and something BBI shouldn’t be proud of. If I did negative stars for MST3K, this episode would get it. DUD
1010- It Lives By Night
A man is bitten by a bat, and turns into one, killing people along the way. This movie isn’t exceedingly bad or good it’s just there. Same could be said about this episode. Not exceedingly good (like Final Justice) or exceedingly bad (like Hamlet) it’s just there. A fairly funny episode, but it works with such a dull movie that it can’t really go anywhere. Funny lines here and there, and some dead spots here and there. Okay host segments. A good episode. ***
1011- Horrors of Spider Island
This fair episode, contains the most sexually exploitive MST film of all-time. In this edited for TV German nudie cutie, a group of hot female dancers and one VERY lucky man have their plane crash and they end up on an island with a radioactive spider, which bites the man who becomes a wolf-man spider and terrorizes the women. Being that this movie was made more for the sex and women than anything else, everything else just falls apart. The acting is so awful you know everyone tens years from this point was in porno. The story was so thin, it made some of the girls look bulky. The editing, the directing, the everything. In hindsight, this movie may come close to Manos or the Coleman Francis triology. The episode, while not classic, is definately a good effort. The movie was good for riffing in that it provided a lot of jokes on how technically bad it was, but there was little action or progress besides some fight scenes. There were quite a bevy of jokes aimed at the young ladies in the film which was hit or miss depending on the quality of the joke and kind of went on forever. The host segments again were well done, however there is a MAJOR editing snafu as the first and middle segments run out of order. It really hurts the flow of a good episode. With the major incorrection taken into account, this is a decent entry into season ten. **1/2
1012- Squirm (with short A Case of Spring Fever)
The feature is basically a version of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, only with worms. Not a very good version, but since they stole from the best, the movie is tolerable. The short is an rather infamous and is about Coily, the Spring Sprite who teaches a dumbass about the greatness of springs. The last perfect episode. The host segments were good (especially the visit from Mikey, the Mike Sprite). The riffing for the film was hilarious. The riffing on the short was just as hilarious, but the short was so inept that it was even funnier. A great second to last episode. ***** [S: *****, F: *****]
1013- Diabolik
The feature is about super-thief Diabolik (played by Kalgan from Space Mutiny) who runs around stealing jewels, gold, murdering innocent people, and being a nuisance to the government of a generic European country all so he can get laid. This is the final episode of MST3K. The host segments were all great and they wrap up the show perfectly, they are five stars. The riffing in the theater was absolutely hilarious and worth five stars. So why am I giving it 4.5 stars? The movie seemed out of place as the final MST3K episode. If it was mid season with different host segments I probably would have given it five stars, but as the final episode, it was just wrong. A science fiction movie probably should have been last. My first two choices would be to have redone The Green Slime (pilot of KTMA) or The Crawling Eye (first show for the first national season). Invaders of the Deep (first show that aired on TV) being redone doesn't excite me. Really, any sci-fi movie would have made for a good final episode, but this spy thriller is out of place as the end of MST3K. ****½
Season Average: 4.2
Best Episode: Final Justice (*****)
Worst Episode: Hamlet (DUD)