Mike's Season 7 Reviews

[mikefab1]

Welcome to my Season 7 Review Thread! And what a very short, yet interesting, Season it was.

The reviews you are about to read were written without the aid of note-taking. Just what I could memorize. These episodes were viewed by me for the first time. And to avoid confusion (like in my past Review Threads) I will add a letter grade next to my number grade.




701---NIGHT of the BLOOD BEAST (Turkey Day Version) with short "Once Upon A Honeymoon."


SHORT was one I had seen once before in Shorts Volume 3. You know how no matter how bad, cheesy, corny the short is you can atleast tell what it was trying to convey? Well... this one is so odd and confusing that I still have trouble trying to figure out what it was about! No wonder Tom asks the same question in the end.

Basically a man and his wife have been putting off their honeymoon for a year cause the husband is a song-writter. They are just about to walk out the door when a phone call from his boss delays their honeymoon once again . An angel is sent to, I guess, inspire the wife to sing and thus inspire the husband to write. WHY??? Mike and The Bots make several jokes about more important things heaven could be tending to such as The Korean War. Perhaps it was produced by an appliance company or some sort of home decorating magazine . 3.2 out of 5.


I'd like to point out that this was:

---My first time seeing the Opening Sequence/Song for Season 7.
---My first time seeing a Season 7 episode, for that matter.
---Never viewed MST3K during "Turkey Day" (got into it mostly during the Sci-Fi era)


Movie is such a cheesy attempt at sci-fi/horror that it makes for great riffing. Costume used for the monster looks like a mascot uniform for a small college. And apparently, NASA only had 6 employees . Plenty of jokes made about that. You'll love this episode also based on the Host Segments which are classic.

OPENING SEGMENTS: There were two (one was before the song). Dr. Forrester is throwing a Thanksgiving get-together with people that Frank invited months earlier. They include Mr. B. Natural, Cat from that Host Segment from Kitten With a Whip, Devil from Santa Claus, Feinstein and A&E Biography guy, and Ms. Forrester (Clayton's Mom). Mike and The Bots discuss the big game. INTRO SEGMENT: Crow somehow knows Ms. Forrester. She provides us the movie.

HOST SEGMENTS were great. FIRST Segment: Crow and Tom debate whether stuffing is better than potatoes. Mike wants both. SECOND Segment: Crow talk some more with Ms. Forrester and she refuses to push that button that will free Mike and The Bots. THIRD Segment: To my surprise, Crow is back down at DEEP 13 for only his second time and he's eating dinner with all the wacky characters. Including that A&E guy who is flirting with Mr. B. cause "she" is HOT . FINAL Segment has most of the guests taking a nap while Ms. Forrester tells her son Clayton that she will be moving in.

MOVIE REFERENCES: The Producers and I Love Lucy were referenced during the SHORT. 621---The Beast of Yucca Flats, Friends and Seinfeld referenced during the movie. Short from episode 319 "Mr. B. Natural", 615---Kitten With A Whip, 521---Santa Claus, referenced during the Host Segment.

THINGS TO LOOK FOR: During the short, Crow actually says, "Blue Balls!" Plus Mike and The Bots make several other jokes about how the couple hasn't had sex in a long time. During the movie, the two doctors spend an awfully long time talking about how dead the astronaut is. Very funny riffing during this scene; Try and count how many times Mike and The Bots say the name "Steve". It's a couple dozen or so; Look for the "Blood Cells under the microscope" scene. It's actually a Monty Python-style animation .

PLUS: The scene where the Blood Beast appears in the lab is HILARIOUS! Turns out he impregnated the "dead" astronaut with "shrimp" . Lots of homo-erotic jokes are made based on this weird discovery. Also keep an eye on the lady who takes pictures in this movie. She almost always has a sad expression on her face !

Great riff: (When the Beast captured the lady and she screams for help) "Yeah, you can use it!"

(B+) 3.7 out of 5.

[mikefab1]

I've decided to post the None Turkey Day/ Regular version of Episode 701 before the day ends. I was gonna wait a few days, but you people deserve it . Enjoy my reviews!



701---Night of The Blood Beast (Regular Version) with short "Once Upon A Honeymoon"


SHORT: After re-seeing the short, I realized that the guy is writing a song for a musical set to open soon. A woman, who is the star, insists that there be more "wishing" in the song. This explains why the wife is wishing for new appliances, sink, and phone in the kitchen. And new decor in the bedroom (with their two beds). But it doesn't come close to explain what this short is selling or trying to convey .

Great riffs:

Crow says, "Now, what's another word for blue balls? "
Tom says, "What the hell was that about, anyways?!?!"

(B-) 3.2 out of 5.


HOST SEGMENTS were the only difference in this episode from the "Turkey Day" version. OPENING Segment: Crow and Tom tazer Mike and mase him for some reason. INTRO: This is Mary Jo Pehl's 2nd appearance as Ms. Forrester. 3rd if you count "Turkey Day". She makes Dr. Forrester play his trombone as if it were a recital. He's terrible , but Crow is great !

FIRST Segment: Mike and The Bots mock the Short. Gypsy wishes for things while Crow and Tom have to get them. Mike plays a tiny piano. SECOND Segment: Mama Forrester tells Clayton to apologize to Mike and The Bots, but he didn't do anything to apologize for. Funny as Clayton pulls a knife and Mama pulls a gun and shoots ! THIRD Segment: Crow claims to be pregnant . Rest of them don't buy it. FINAL Segment shows Clayton crying while Mama treats him like... what else?... a baby .

MORE Things to look for: Mike and the Bots mention, "Alien Autopsy". Remember that crap?! I actually tried to count the number of times Mike and The Bots said the name, "Steve". I counted 35! I may have missed 2 or 3 though. Try it sometime with your friends! Make it a drinking game! No actually don't... it may be dangerous.

ALSO: The scene at the end is funny. Lot's of weird wedding jokes are made .

GREAT RIFFS:

"I'll raise them as if they were my own shrimp."
"Not everyone is Steve!"
"You know, you marry the whole family."
"This is where we had our first kiss ."
"Don't through jars at the bride!"

(B+) 3.7 out of 5.

[mikefab1]

702---The Brute Man with short "The Chicken of Tomorrow."


SHORT: I have seen this a few times on Shorts Volume 1. This is the one that ALL MSTies seem to love . I believe its the scene where the chicken talks that makes this short most memorable.

Chicken: "That's what you think, Big Boy!"

It's funny cause its so corny and kind of awkward. I love how Crow says, "That was weird!", afterwords. At nearly 19 minutes, this is a long short, yet the riffing is great and keeps you interested. I also like the I LOVE LUCY "chocolate factory" episode reference.

Great riff: "These are your chickens on drugs!" (B+) 3.8 out of 5.


MOVIE: This was an episode I have waited a long time to see. Especially after reading about it on IMDB.com and learning of the horrible circumstances around it. Even the studio was ashamed of itself for exploiting Rondo Hatton (the man who played the Creeper).

HOST SEGMENTS were okay. OPENING Segment: Tom is buying real estate. INTRO: Ms. Forrester has a date with some creepy old guy. Clayton doesn't approve. FIRST Segment: Tom is in a giant egg. SECOND Segment: Mike tries to call an ex-girlfriend . THIRD Segment: Crow plays the banjo while using play-on words to sing popular songs. FINAL Segment is the best as Tom's a "slum-lord" and Clayton turns the creepy old guy into a man in a chicken costume . Ms. Forrester isn't as mad as you would think.

GREEK REFERENCES: Pete Sampras was mentioned as one of the people who looked like the Creeper (yes, he's Greek). Philanthropy was mentioned. Phil (as in fee-lah-oh) means to love or love of. Anthropy means people. Philanthropy=The love of people.

MOVIE REFERENCES: Chained Heat; Moe Howard of the Three Stooges; Harpo Marks; at one point The Bots hum the Sesame Street theme; There are atleast 2 SHAKESPEARE references in this episode. A "REWARD" if you could spot them!

THINGS TO LOOK FOR: Mike and the Bots claim that the Creeper looks like Pete Sampras (mentioned above) as well as Joe Namath. They also refer to the Creeper as a "big midget" and an Easter Island statue. Try and count how many Hal Moffet jokes Mike and The Bots make. Most end with, "...sat on a Toffet."

ALSO: You have to see the scene where the cranky old man is bitching and complaining about... well... EVERYTHING! Mike is actually seen crouched-over :DLAUGHING! Now how often do you see that on MST3K? Also the old man becomes the "stinger". AND check out the weird attempts at comic relief in this "serious" film. Specifically with the detective and the chief. The very end has such an awkward attempt at comic relief, I actually felt it should've been the "stinger". By the way, I knew that lady was blind before she told us.

Great riff: (police officer checking a room) "Okay. Shows over! Nothing for me to see here! I'll be on my way!"

(B+) 3.7 out of 5.




703---Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell.


What a bad movie this was. It was one of those dark/middle-ages type of movies made in like the 1980's or possible the early 1990's. Reminds me of episode 301--- Cavedwellers or better yet, 519---Outlaw. It's just as bad too. Although the riffing was surprisingly good in this episode. After a slow start it really picked up.

HOST SEGMENTS were pretty good. Opening Segment: Crow has a hairpiece plus calf and butt implants. Intro Segment: Ms. Forrester is sick and Clayton has to put up with his whimpering . Mike and The Bots are pretending to be a fast food restaurant. Funny as Crow has "Mary Jo" on his name tag and Tom has "Paul". Obvious inside jokes .

FIRST Segment: Mike is treated to a Renaissance Fair and kisses Gypsy . SECOND Segment: After going to the ATM for more money, Mike gets paddled by Crow . THIRD Segment: Ms. Forrester asks Crow if he has a particular romance novel. Coincidentally, it's right on the counter so he reads to her. FINAL Segment: Tom tries to make a powerful ring. Ms. Forrester is still sick so Clayton drinks "poisonous" milk.

GREEK REFERENCES: During a scene where the princess hits our "hero" in the back of the head, Tom says what appears to be, "OPA!"

MOVIE REFERENCES: Episode 319 short "Mr. B. Natural" and the term "Sampo" from 422 ---The Day The Earth Froze got referenced towards the very end. Also Tron; Moe Howard from the Three Stooges was credited for the choreography of one of the sword fight scenes; Musicians: R.E.M., Dee Snider, Michael McDonald, guy from Loverboy and more; "Lord of the Rings" book gets referenced a few times.

THINGS TO LOOK FOR: Mike and The Bots love to poke fun at the Editing in this film. Like when the princess falls from her horse they say, "She was saved by editing!"; Sex scenes (or almost-had-sex-scenes ) are funny. Like when the bald dude doesn't seem into it with his wife . Then the dead bodies come to life and the wife says something like, "I guess not tonight .";

THIS brings me to the "Torture-Scene". Our "hero" Deathstalker is captured and tied up while being tortured by the wife of the bald guy. VERY FUNNY as Mike and The Bots say that he is, "Hasselhoffing it big time." Meaning he is sucking in his gut! Later they mention how uncomfortable they are to be this close to his "area" . And that he is, "going camping." EWWW! Also lots of potato jokes; Sword fight jokes; scene where Deathstalker is hiding on a tree limb just a foot above the heads of the barbarians is laughable!

Great riff: "Go ahead. Check out my package."

(B) 3.3 out of 5.

[mikefab1]

Here's another of my Season 7 reviews:



704--- The Incredible Melting Man


I saw the UNCUT-Version of this film a few years ago. I had been looking up movies featuring Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith and was "Lucky" enough to find this "gem" on eBay. What a cheesy, yet, gory movie. Sadly, the parts she was in are mostly cut out of the MST3K-Version. And they were nude scenes, too!

HOST SEGMENTS were interesting, yet, just okay. OPENING Segment: Mike and the Bots are playing baseball and Mike ends up bum-rushing Tom . INTRO: Mike is in pain as he has his head bandaged . Tom then brings him a shake made with "A Hamburger Samwich and French Fried Taters." Funny as Crow tries to get Mike to say something obsene! OH! And Crow's screenplay has been purchased .

FIRST Segment: To my surprise Clayton and his Mom are on the SOL! They discuss the "Earth vs Soup" movie script and then leave. SECOND Segment: Crow is a pain-in-the-butt director . THIRD Segment: Clayton hosts a focus group and they hate pretty much everything . FINAL: Movie gets bumped down to a trailer and Crow is pissed that he was promised just $800 out of like $30 million .

GREEK REFERENCES: Derma which means skin. Technically it is pronounced with a "TH" (as in "the" or "there") instead of a "D".

MOVIE REFERENCES: During the "INTRO Segment" that "burger and fries" line is from 203---Jungle Goddess; 202---The Sidehackers "Only LOVE!"; 702---The Brute Man; 409---The Indestructible Man; 421--- Monster A-Go-Go; Star Wars; Frankenstein; Scanners; Seinfeld; Hee-Haw; Welcome Back Kotter; Wonder Woman.

THINGS TO LOOK FOR: There is a HILARIOUS comic-relief scene featuring an elderly couple driving to see the doctor and his wife. Where to begin? They talk... well... like an elderly couple to each other and then stop to pick fruit. Mike plays with the old lady's neck fat! The Bots claim she looks like poultry. A MUST SEE!! They were even the "stinger".

ALSO: You gotta see the "Aaachkah" Scene. It's when the Doctor spills something in his kitchen and for some reason belts out, "Aaachkah!" Funny as Mike and The Bots turn it into a short running gag. In that same scene the Doctor asks for crackers and is upset when his wife tells him they are out of them. Another running gag! Also Window 95 got mentioned twice. Guess it just came out around the time of shooting the episode.

I liked this episode. Plenty of great riffs. Mike and The Bots make fun of the bad acting; a white trash couples trailer home; Mike quotes, "I'll Stop the World and Melt With You!"; And at the end, during the closing credits Mike and The Bots told us what they learned. ;D

Great riff: (When the elderly lady goes to pick fruit) "I'm gonna let the juices drip down my body!"

(B+) 3.8 out of 5.

[mikefab1]

Here's the 2nd-to-last Season 7 episode. And what a short Season it was, too.


705---Escape 2000


It's either a Post-Apacalyptic or a futuristic-type movie. Basically people from the slums of The Bronx are forcibly being removed from their homes and forced to move to New Mexico . SERIOUSLY! Not making this up. This is because the president of a major corporation wants to build giant skyscrapers in The Bronx. But a gang of misfits lead by Toblerone stand in the EVIL CORPORATION'S way!

HOST SEGMENTS were okay. OPENING Segment: Crow has an auction for a penny, nickel, and dollar . Not surprisingly, they don't sell too well . INTRO: Crow has a magnifying glass to kill an ant near oily rags . A FIRE STARTS! Clayton puts his Mom in a tiny "home" /box cause she asked where the coat rack was .

FIRST Segment: Crow uses "telekenesis" to start small fires on the SOL. :oPoor Tom! SECOND Segment: Mike throws a "Man's Night" party and Crow tries to figure out what a "dead soldier" (empty bottle) is. THIRD Segment: Clayton hires a "kid" to boost ratings, but they don't so he gets the boot. FINAL: Tom hires a helicopter to rope him down to hear Mike read a letter. Clayton gets a visit from Toblerone who frees MS. Forrester and takes her to his place .

GREEK REFERENCES: "Ladder of Damocles" (as in Sword of Damocles) was mentioned; Kojak, which stars Telly Savalas, was mentioned as well; Agents had code names like Agent Delta, Sigma and Omega.

MOVIE REFERENCES: 604---Zombie Nightmare; "Cherokee Jack" from 619---Red Zone Cuba; Dollman; Showgirls; Pink Floyd's The Wall; Omega Man; Nosferatu; Jerry Lewis; The Monkees; several musicians...

THINGS TO LOOK FOR: Mike and The Bots keep making fun of that reporter lady (the one that's vocal about the evil corporation killing >:(USA citizens). Specifically her teeth cause she's got these "fangs"; Count how many times Mike and The Bots use the word "Bronx" or "Leave the Bronx". Dozens!! The kid in the film is funny. Especially when he does that hand jesture and goes, "PEEYEW!", anticipating the bombs to go off !

ALSO: And don't forget the Italian!... I MEAN American!... Toblerone! Mike and The Bots can't get enough of this guy and actually anticipate his next appearance. It's that laugh of his! Mike Nelson even makes an appearance as him showing up in DEEP 13.

Best riff: "He died how he died... dead!"

(B) 3.5 out of 5.

[mikefab1]

Here's the final installment of my Season 7 Reviews!



706---LASERBLAST

I thought this was going to be a futuristic movie. Turns out its about some dude that finds a really cool arm-attachment that shoots lasers! Oh... and these clay-animated aliens want it back or something. Oh... and it turns people into The Hulk!

HOST SEGMENTS were good. OPENING Segment: Crow and Tom tie up Mike to tell a dorky joke. INTRO: To Mike and The Bots' surprise, Clayton detaches the Umbillicus and it might mean the end for them.

FIRST Segment: A Satellite robot is on board, but they make fun of it and Mike tosses it out. SECOND Segment: There are a bunch of Babies outside of the ship and Crow and Tom go out to change them while Mike talks them through it. THIRD Segment: Mike dresses up as that chick from a Star Trek spinoff.

FINAL: It's weird cause Mike and the Bots (along with Cambot/Magic Voice) turn into "pure energy". Something to do with the Black Hole. In Deep 13, Clayton ages rapidly while a giant "Worse Movie Ever Made" VHS tape appears near his bed with Crow and Tom statues nearby. Then he turns into a baby and Ms. Forrester is happy. I was under the impression that he was going to end up like Frank.

GREEK REFERENCES: In the beginning Crow says something that sounds like, "Acropolis" in a James Earl Jones voice. But it may have been "Apocalypse." I rewound it twice and still couldn't tell; At one point Mike says, "I'm still at OH HI." At first I thought he meant Greek letters Omicron and HEE (O and X), but he may have meant Ohio State University; Tony Orlando was mentioned. (Yes, he is part GREEK. Lots of people don't know that. Amuse your friends. )

MOVIE REFERENCES: "ROXIEEE!" from 506---EEGAH!; "Hey! I'm Max Kellah." from 322 and 324 Master Ninja 1 & 2; "I'm Cherokee Jack." from 619---Red Zone Cuba (plus Coleman Francis was mentioned a few times); 705---Escape 2000; How Green Is My Valley?; Planet of The Apes; Incredible Hulk;Dukes of Hazard; HUGE SLAM on Star Wars ; and several movies in the end.

THINGS TO LOOK FOR: Running gags! Such as: "Are you ready for some football?!"; The shirtless guy; People drinking Coke; "Alllrighty then!" (Jim Carrey reference); Mike and The Bots can't believe that Leonard Maltin gave this movie 2 1/2 Stars! Similar incident occurs with the movie in episode 1012---Squirm . Rumor has it Leonard like that one too!

PLUS: I was told recently that the Final Host Segment was a parody of 2001: A Space Odyssey. And some people claim the claymation was the best part of the movie. It was alright, but nothing to write home about.

Great riff: (Alien holds up 3 fingers) "Read between the lines!"

(B+) 3.8 out of 5.