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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 12, 2007 10:42:48 GMT -5
Hi all, newbie Diet Kolos here. I just recently purchased the entire MST collection from a trader (minus Season 1) and with my Rhino sets, I have all the episodes I'll ever want!
So, without further ado, I think I'll start reviewing episodes! An original idea, I know.
201-Rocketship XM
Movie: No, its not about a satellite radio service (but it would still be more interesting than this piece of fluff).
Back in the 50's at an extremely relaxed space program, a few astronauts (of the trench coat wearing variety) brief the press on their super-secret expedition to the moon and then promptly tell them to sit on the story (then WHY tell them in the first place!). With around 5 minutes or so to lift-off, they haul their pasty white asses to the rocket.
On the trip is an old Walt Disney-like mathematician, a sufficiently ok looking woman-type scientist, an annoying Texan pilot, another guy (Lloyd Bridges) who talks too damn much and...hmm. Not sure if there was another person. Frankly, it doesn't matter.
Well, they screw the pooch early on and instead of going to the Moon, they take a quick detour to Mars where they find hairy cavemen, art deco architecture, two of them die (including Disney), another is wounded, they head back to Earth low on fuel. Lloyd and "that woman" proclaim their undying love for each other just as they crash and make a fun spray-pattern on some poor Canadian up in Nova Scotia as the music swells. Five people dead, the moon unvisited, no lessons are learned and yet the mission was a "complete success". Heckuva job. *thumbsup*
Host Segments:
Prologue: Crow's got a toothache. I don't really like the "little kid voice" Crow does, but I do like the amount of arm movement they attempt in these early episodes.
Segment 1: Servo's new voice, introducing Frank. Kevin imitates Josh a little too much. Starts to drags once they start ordering Splunkies. The BGC-19 is pretty cool, though.
Segment 2: Saluting members of the Press. Is Joel high? He's clearly reading from the cue cards and not trying to disguise the fact. Long, overwritten, not very funny.
Segment 3: Funny or Not funny flying? I like this sketch, its simple but fun. Well-written.
Segment 4: Window reflections. Fairly dull. Non-sequiter from Valeria lost on me.
Segment 5: Joel&bots complain. Funny they mentioned "Marooned", it’s always fun to see Frank mess up the button.
Riffing This isn't the best quality of riffing, but its Season 2. But even by Season 2 standards, this is pretty weak.
A few favs: (when the phallic chart of the rocket is shown) Crow: At this point, the rocket becomes engorged with atronauts.
Astronaut: Where do we stand on fuel? Crow: I'm for it.
Overall grade C+
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 12, 2007 15:18:35 GMT -5
I'm going to keep doing this until someone notices...which should be soon...maybe...
Next episode!
202 The Sidehackers
Movie: The movie opens on the stupid, pseudo-sport of Sidehacking. People ride around on side-cars and shift their weight when going around corners. Exciting. I can see why the filmmakers decided to center an entire movie around it.
Anywho, the first 20 minutes consists of sidehacking and a montage of frolicking through a meadow. After that (and between other bursts of sidehacking and montages), the movie is free to develop what little plot it has.
Rommel (the magnificent sonofabitch that he is) runs a bike repair shop where he meets the volatile, violent yet eloquent JC (who looks and acts like what would happen if Gore Vidal, Andy Kaufman and Oscar Wilde had a baby).
They all have dinner at Rommel's shack from which we learn a few things: 1. Rommel's not a fan of chili peppers, they burn his gut. He'd rather have a hamburger. 2. JC doesn't have any issues with punching a woman square in the womb. 3. Even though they only knew each other for a few hours, JC "loved Rommel like a brother" until Rommel decided not to tour with them.
Later, JC's big-haired girlfriend's advances on Rommel are spurned and in a classic case of what we call "a plot point", she tells JC that Rommel raped her. JC (being the gentleman that he is) goes to have a polite word with Rommel...or he just kills Rommel's bland girlfriend, its hard to tell.
Cut to montage with crappy song.
Rommel enlists the help of some of the oily locals to help take down JC. The last 15 minutes of the film turn into what a Sergio Leone/Sam Peckinpah co-production would've looked like (only without the talent). Everyone's dead, save for JC. If any one of these people were likable, I might've cared.
Host Segments
Prologue: The bots are rambunctious. Yawn. Segment 1: Slinky inventions. *shrug* I do enjoy the idea presented about the mole peple controlling the camera. Segment 2: The Sidehackers song. While clever, Joel is still reading from cue cards and the song suffers because of it. Segment 3: Sidehacking terminology. Too long, no memorable lines. Segment 4: JC visits. Mike does a kickass JC here. Really the highpoint of the episode. Segment 5: Another song! And its still not very good! And Joel still can sing very well!
Riffing Better than 201. Not too many great lines, but its enjoyable.
Favs: Dr. F: Its really...bad. Remember that bad thing we saw? This is worse.
(when the sidehackers hang their butts out) Crow: My dog used to do that on the driveway.
Overall B-
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 13, 2007 13:30:10 GMT -5
Eventually, someone is going to reply to this…yeah, I’m looking at YOU!
Next episode!
203-Jungle Goddess w/short The Phantom Creeps pt. 1
Short: Bela Lugosi is a fairly domestic mad scientist that excels in inventing novelty items. He’s got a cool robot that looks a bit like Yul Brenner, an electric dance belt that turns him mostly invisible, and a wicked awesome Leon Trotsky beard.
His wife (he may be mad, but he’s no fool) is concerned about him so she brings over a whiny rival scientist to witness Lugosi’s greatest invention yet: stop motion animation! Er, no. I mean…exploding, wind-up spiders that have an appetite for vanilla cookies! With these, he’ll certainly rule the world! Or at least, Spencer’s Gifts!
We close on a cliffhanger, how exciting.
Movie: Two very white pilots (George Reeves and some guy with a mustache) go out in search of an heiress in the African jungle. Upon crashing, Bob (from here on knows as “White Devil”) shoots the first good-natured native that he sees ambling along. Strangely enough, this upsets the locals and they take the two to their village.
Upon arriving, they encounter the people’s goddess who just so happens to be the person they’re looking for. She’s the one wearing the pants in this village; she even has her own mentally deficient servant (upsettingly, a white actress in blackface). If only she could get a decent hamburger and some French fried potatoes around here.
The movie drags on, the White Devil is sentenced to death, they all flee the village, White Devil gets it in the back with a spear, and we see George Reeves and his jungle love fly off (the plane just “takes off” from in the middle of the jungle) as she dreams of what any woman would think of: a brand new hat.
This was one hell of an offensive movie. It’s even more offensive because it has the felling that they didn’t think it would offend anyone. I feel some “white guilt” coming on.
Host Segments
Prologue: Hide and seek w/the universe. Kinda cute. Segment 1: The RC saw is a good idea. Dr. Sax is pretty “meh”, but Frank gets some good lines in: “The music goes round and round…” Segment 2: The inventions infomercial is a pretty good parody of the “Amazing Discoveries” shows that used to be on. It’s a bit dated, but fun. Segment 3: The Gobos sketch. Its good for the first minute but its SO FREAKING LONG! Segment 4: Having the White Devils in the hexfield gets a bit preachy. Next! Segment 5: My White Goddess is a funny take on sitcoms and the bad punch lines therein.
Riffing I really can’t remember any riffing from the actual film. Pretty dull. The short, however, was a lot of fun to watch. The riffs using the Lugosi voice are gold.
Favs: I…really can’t think of any lines from this episode. Not a good sign.
Overall Despite the good short, the movie and its unremarkable riffing and the mostly sub-par host segments drag the whole thing down. C-
Now respond, darn you! I need feedback!
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 13, 2007 16:58:28 GMT -5
Hm, no replies yet. I see a pattern.
Next episode!
204-Catalina Caper
Movie: Basically, a whole boat-load (ha! I love bad puns!) of white people head to Catalina Island: Fortress of Whiteitude. What is it with these movies? Where are all the positive ethnic characters? It’s like I’m watching Goebbels’s personal video library.
But I digress.
The movie features lots of teens (with Tommy Kirk pretending he likes women) dancing to crappy music (Little Richard hopped-up on goofballs!), one teen’s smarmy parents and their henchman (Allan Sherman wannabe Jim Begg complete with Crayola hat) stealing a scroll and double-crossing some oily Greeks. There’s a creepy girl that has an unhealthy infatuation with fish that fits into the plot but damned if I know how. Robert Donner rounds out the cast whilst performing unfunny pratfalls.
Stuff happens. People say things. There are locations. It all blends together into a brightly colored mess.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. There IS a plot here. But I certainly can’t make heads or tail of it. Neither should you.
Host Segments
Prologue: Bots pray for other robots. It fits with the “cute” overtones BBI went for early on, but it’s not my cup o’tea. Segment 1: Tank tops, tickle bazooka. The tank tops are pretty creative, I’d wear one. Segment 2: Joel’s monologue on the 60’s turns into a hilarious rant. Loved it. Segment 3: The Creepy Girl song is ok, bearable, but not my thing. Segment 4: The Tupperware sketch is pretty lame. Segment 5: Joel’s efforts to explain the movie pretty much mirrors my inability to understand what happened. Spot on.
Riffing Riffing is improved from the last episode. While nothing made me go any higher than a guffaw, it was enjoyable yet lacking. Better than 203 anyways.
Favs: Crow: Meanwhile in the impenetrable void, Jean-Paul Sartre was a movin’ and a groovin’.
Overall The host segments are mixed-bag, riffing a little better than sub-par and the movie too confusing and unlikable to pay attention to. Grade: C
I’m starting to get peeved. Someone start responding (besides me).
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 13, 2007 20:42:51 GMT -5
You people…
Next episode!
205-Rocket Attack USA w/short Phantom Creeps pt. 2
Short: Bela Lugosi is back, this time sans his kickass beard. His wife just died in a plane crash (How fortunate! This will simplify everything!) so now he’s able to play the field. Tons of identical cops run around, all of them wearing the same hat. At this point in the serial, the plot’s lost on me.
Movie: In a nutshell: Spy goes on mission in Russia to destroy a missile. The spy falls in love with his female counterpart who unfortunately is the mistress to a Tor Johnson-like Russian diplomat so she’s getting the worst of it. They go on their mission, fail, die and consequently New York City gets remodeled courtesy of the USSR.
The mission failed, everyone dead, nothing learned. This seems to be a running theme with these movies…
Host Segments
Prologue: Tom gets a hair cut and Joel goes through the absurd amount of products he has to use. I liked it a lot. Segment 1: The water polo table is really a stroke of genius. The detail with Frank&Forresters on the board is a nice touch. Segment 2: The Charlie McCarthy sketch is classic comedy. Loved it. Segment 3: Like the last sketch, the Civil Defense Quiz Bowl is another amazingly written sketch. Its apparent the Brains had a lot of fun with the Cold War in this episode. Segment 4: The streak continues! Mike as a pathetic Russian cosmonaut is a lot of fun. Segment 5: Joel and the bots complaints are rather Dennis Miller-esque and they’re completely warranted.
Riffing Wow. The quality really picked up in this episode. While the short suffered because while its fun to do, there’s only so much you can do with the Bela Lugosi voice, the movie was great. I loved the riffs they made off of the narrator about what the Russians are saying. Good stuff.
Favs: Crow: Hey! It’s the Pope on banjo! Crow: (as narrator) We’re on the third green here at the Kremlin. Joel: I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying.
Overall The first really good episode of Season 2. Most every sketch is really funny and the movie is a lot of fun to watch. Not amazing, but pretty good. Score: B
*sigh*
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 14, 2007 17:03:07 GMT -5
You’re not going to reply, are you? Well…can’t say I’m surprised.
Next episode!
206-Ring of Terror w/short Phantom Creeps pt. 3
Movie: We open on a cemetery with people walking around with a casket. I guess I’m supposed to be frightened by this or creeped out. Maybe people in the 50’s were really stupid and easily scared (that could explain McCarthyism).
Anyways, we meet an eccentric-acting caretaker who babbles on about love and beauty and death. He then abruptly starts looking for his cat, Puma. He wanders the graveyard yelling “Puma” a few dozen times until he finds the cat and promptly steps on it. He follows the cats again, shouts “Puma” some more and stops at the grave of Lewis B. Moffet who “feared not”. With a good fifteen minutes of padding in the can, we can get to the actual movie.
We meet Lewis, a college freshman who, like his peers, is old enough to be eligible to join the AARP. He’s got a whiny girlfriend constantly concerned about “they” and annoying, unfunny friends. They’re all terrible medical students, seeing as a majority of them can’t stand to watch a simple autopsy.
Lewis is fearless a majority of the time or maybe he’s simply not a puss like everyone else. In any case, his one fear involves corpses in darkened rooms. Coincidentally, his fraternity initiation involves feeling up a corpse in a crypt. I think. Who cares? Needless to say, he dies. The end.
A fat couple rounds out the cast. Oddly enough, they seem like the only ones that are well adjusted (even in spite of the eating binges). The other old teens harshly mock them for being fat…and it’s funny! Now laugh, damn you! Laugh!
Short: This chapter of The Phantom Creeps doesn’t as much feature Bela Lugosi as it features a blurry/invisible guy hitting people with sticks and playing practical jokes on them.
Bela’s chauffer plays a larger part here, but I really don’t know why. In fact, I haven’t had any idea of what’s happening with the Phantom Creeps since the beginning of part two.
Host Segments
Prologue: The bots fake a movie sign and Joel heads to the theater through some kind of chute. Pointless, but interesting to see how Joel gets to the theater. Segment 1: Dr. F plays a giant version of Operation with Frank, Joel plays pinball with his innards. Its all fairly clever and imaginative. Segment 2: The ad for the Old School is hilarious; a classic in my book. Segment 3: Another great sketch, the Hoover autopsy had me rolling on the floor. Segment 4: The bots can’t think of anything good about the film (neither can I) so they don’t get ram chips. It’s a segue to the short, so…who cares? Segment 5: Frank’s “If Chauffeurs Ruled the World” is a great piece of classic MST. Not to be missed.
Riffing The movie lends itself to riffing and the crew gleefully obliges. Unfortunately, the movie is also so damned dark it really takes away from the riffing. After all, the riffs are only funny if you know what they’re talking about.
I don’t care about the Phantom Creeps anymore. Thankfully, they abandon it soon after. There’s only so many funny things you can say in the Bela voice.
Favs: Tom: What about the ring of terror? What about the plot? Am I the only one who cares?
Crow: It’s Divine in the early days!
Crow: (the two fat people are dancing with each other) An interpretive dance showing how plate tectonics work.
Overall Despite the darkness of the film, this episode was a whole heckuva lot of fun. Not an episode I’d try to introduce someone to MST with, but good nonetheless. The sketches are almost all great. The only bad part…the short. If they had ended the show in the 4th host segment, this would get a “B+” or even and “A-” But…its there so, too bad. Score: B
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Post by samtaco on Jun 14, 2007 21:04:05 GMT -5
I notice!
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 14, 2007 22:17:17 GMT -5
Thank god. And for noticing, I'll give you my first born. ...when I get one.
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 16, 2007 22:52:41 GMT -5
Well, one person replied…keep it up!
Next episode!
207-Wild Rebels
Movie: It’s the late 60’s somewhere in southern Florida and obscure singer Steve Alaimo (the name says it all) plays Rod: a square stock car driver whose cars automatically burst into flame the second he gets in. Finding out that he sucks, quits the circuit and goes to a bar to dance (badly). A group of bikers recognizes him and with full knowledge of him sucking, invite him back to their humble “château” and the usage of their old lady.
Back at the pad, Rod makes out with cigarette-y Linda before her “friends” get back. Verbose gang leader Jeter (a younger, less-violent JC) fills Rod in on the fact that while they’re skilled on bikes, they just can’t handle a car. Banjo mumbles and Fats…well, he’s Fats.
After the bikers’ job offer to Rod falls through, Rod is accosted by a doughy member of the fuzz who is adamant that the biker gang is really very smart. They set up a situation wherein Rod crashes again (no big stretch for him) and goes back to the gang. With Rod in tow, the gang robs a bait shop with an arsenal that would make Scarface impressed.
Rod sings, makes out with Linda and beats up Banjo but decides not to kill him because he’s got to get up early tomorrow. In the morning, everyone gets into their Sunday best and head down to the Citrusville Bank. Yes, Citrusville (where everyone is juice!).
While the rest rob the place, Rod does some Aldus code and alerts the police. How heroic. The gang doesn’t take too kindly to this but they need him to drive. And drive he does, through squealing dirt and past exploding bushes to the safest place: a lighthouse.
Needless to say, the three biker guys die in a shootout with the cops, Linda’s taken away and Rod ends up with the doughy policeman.
Host Segments
Prologue: Gypsy’s depressed so Joel switches over the higher functions to manual. Notice the dial Joel turns on the back of Gypsy’s head. Segment 1: Gypsy (in her real voice which will never be heard again) says she’s suffering from ennui, Joel suffers from low oxygen intake. The Mads exchange some sharp dialogue and show off their hobby hogs. The 3D pizza is the only low point. Segment 2: Joel discusses the biker intelligentsia and makes fun callbacks to Sidehackers with sketchups of Gore Vidal and Truman Capote as JC and Rommel, respectively. Well written, smart and funny. Segment 3: The Wild Rebels Cereal commercial has classic-MST status in my book. Don’t miss it. Segment 4: Joel serenades Gypsy. Its kind of sweet and endearing in a deranged kind of way. Segment 5: Joel and the bots find the upside of the movie, as does Frank until Dr. F takes him down, it ends on rather a low note.
Riffing The rate of riffing picks up steadily and it rather apparent that the Brains had a fun time dissecting the movie. Scattered throughout are several classic lines that had me rolling.
Favs: Dr F: You may wonder why we’re dressed this way. Frank: I wonder. Dr F: Shut up. We’re dressed this way because I’ve lost my train of thought and don’t you EVER interrupt me when I’m on a roll again!
Banjo: What’s the matter? Chicken began to cackle? Crow: Leave me chicken outta this. Rod: No, I ran out of bread. Joel: Oh, so he couldn’t bread the chicken.
Linda: Wango! Crow: Zi-tango!
Crow: They’re going to the turd museum. Tom/Joel: World’s largest. Crow: Ride ‘em. Overall Excellent riffing combined with almost all of the host segments being at top form, I really like this episode. The best so far of Season 2. Score: B+
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 17, 2007 18:26:37 GMT -5
And so we trudge on. Like my own personal “rock climbing”…
Next episode!
208-Lost Continent
Movie: It’s the 50’s and a bunch of scientists screw up and lose a rocket. They send some pilots to find it in a tropical jungle. Think “Rocketship XM” combined with “Jungle Goddess” plus a whole lot of rock climbing with just a pinch of Sid Melton and you’ve got “Lost Continent”. I could stop there, but lets not.
A rocket of extreme importance (for some unsaid reason) is lost and must be recovered. The government sends out two pilots (Caesar Romero and Hugh Beaumont), an annoying mechanic (Sid “Monkey Boy” Melton) and bunch of scientists to do the recovery work.
On the way, the plane’s equipment goes haywire and they’re forced to crash on an island somewhere in the South Pacific where they run into polar bears and a mysterious group of people they call “Others”. Oh wait…I’m thinking of something else.
Anywho, a native type (who they surprisingly don’t shoot) points them in the direction of the mountain the rocket fell on. So they climb. And climb. And climb some more. Pausing every once and awhile to touch each other’s asses or see giant lizards or have a scientist die. They continue climbing for another 30 minutes or so when suddenly…they climb some more.
When they reach the top, they’re in a sort of “Land of the Lost” with stop-motion animation dinos. From here, walking takes over. They walk…and walk…etc. Eventually, they recover some kind of box from the rocket. “Monkey Boy” is subsequently eaten (thank god) by a bad special effect.
From here, they start climbing DOWN the mountain! And they climb and climb and climb and I slowly go insane. The island explodes and they escape by the skin of their teeth. Thankfully the end.
Host Segments
Prologue: Joel’s pep talk to the bots seems a bit forced. Segment 1: The Mads taunt Joel with “Rock Climbing”, Frank’s exercise equipment is pretty funny. Joel has movie sign against his will and we get a brief glimpse of the cool sign language translator. Oh, and…Rock Climbing. Segment 2: In this bizarre sketch, Mike Nelson aptly plays a rather sinister yet endearing Hugh Beaumont/Ward Cleaver. Props to BBI for the fake B/W effect in the hexfield. Segment 3: The Quinn Martin Explorer’s sketch wanders all over the place and gets a bit preachy. Blech. Segment 4: The Cool Thing may be the epitome of awesomeness but as far as sketches go, vague descriptions of things unseen is pretty dull. Segment 5: Joel and the bots dispense little known facts about the movie and make jabs at those involved. It works and is good for a chuckle.
Riffing Boy, the repetitive nature of the film sure does make the riffing suffer. Apparently, BBI was bored and used the same method of repetition that the film employs. They say the same “ever flown one of these…” and others repeatedly. It gets old.
Favs: The native refuses to go with the search crew up the radioactive mountain Crow: Me no. Got lead sarong. Native: Sacred mountain taboo. No one ever come back from home of god. Joel: Besides, you guys not see woman in long time.
Overall Dull, dull, dull, dull, dull, dull. Oh, I’m sorry. The repetitive nature of the movie rubbed off on me. Because of the dullness of the movie, the episode suffers.
The real standout here is Mike as Hugh Beaumont and is probably the best part of the episode. The rest is unfortunately rather forgettable. The Brains tried, but they just couldn’t save themselves from the movie. Damn you rock climbing! Score: D+
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 17, 2007 22:35:51 GMT -5
I can’t take a chance, I’m losing my dignity…
Next episode!
209-The Hellcats
Movie: The movie opens with people walking through a cemetery with a casket. No, this isn’t “Ring of Terror”. Unfortunatly, you can clearly see and hear everyone in this movie. Some policeman provide exposition into some type of plot which I wasn’t able to pick up on.
Some groovy credits roll and we learn good ol’ Ross Hagen is back. So basically you can consider this as “Sidehackers 2”.
The rest of the movie is kind of like a fever dream with ugly people going back and forth. Honestly, I couldn’t follow what was going on and I don’t think I wanted to. Here’s some stuff that happens:
A couple gets out of a convertible and talk. The guy gets shot in the head. Ross Hagen gets off a plane. Ross dons a black getup and bikes off with a nondescript woman. A bunch of disgusting people hang around a bar (this happens intermittently for the rest of the film). Ross meets them. Some oily white guys lounge around a room. There’s a disgusting party thrown by the disgusting people, the location of this party changes a few times (note: Great series of riffs in the bar). A screeching hippie trumpet player is thrown in the water. Quoth: “Augh-de-ohhgh-de-eibblen!” There’s a lame chain-wielding fight. Ross gets taken for a scrape. Ross does it with one of the dirty chicks. Some guys play chess in a shack.
And that’s when I went blind out of sheer boredom.
I know other things happened and that there’s a plot somewhere but I really don’t have the energy or concentration to decipher it. Neither should you.
Host Segments
Prologue: Everyone’s sick. Segment 1: Joel and the bots take some medication that “may cause flashbacks”. Joel’s sign language translator is a hoot, the Mads act like bikers and all say “NO!” a lot. Along with the Prologue are kinda…dull and stupid. Segment 2: Servo recollects on a sketch from 106-The Crawling Hand. Not a bad sketch, but a little out of place. Segment 3: Crow recollects on the amusing “funny or not funny floating” sketch which was great when it was in 201. Segment 4: Joel’s flashback brings back the overlong Gobos sketch. Segment 5: Gypsy’s diary entry doesn’t go well, Frank and Dr F share a tender moment.
Riffing Very basic riffing. Nothing too deep or clever. Kind of superficial.
Favs: Joel: Long and cool and tan and lovely. The boy from Impanema goes biking and when he bikes, all the boys on their motor trikes go “ahh”.
Joel: I’m the director, I make the music louder when the camera’s on me.
Servo: Steve’s dead now. From now on, Steve’s death will be represented by the oboe.
Crow: Joel, what are these films trying to teach us about life? Joel: I guess they’re trying to say that if we’re born and then we die and there’s lots of padding in-between.
Overall In the ACEG, it says that the Brains were all called to New York, thus cutting their schedule in half and MAN DOES IT SHOW. The lame original sketches, the cop-outs by recycling old sketches, the completely unfollowable movie and sub-par riffing…it just makes for a bad episode. There ARE a few small pieces of gold scattered throughout the riffing, but they’re few and far between.
Score: D-
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 19, 2007 17:21:08 GMT -5
I’m bringing humanity to the message board. *bomb explodes*
Next episode!
210-King Dinosaur w/short X-Marks the Spot
Short:
New Jersey’s Commissioner Fudd informs us that careless driving is the biggest threat to the US’s war efforts (and not that pesky Hitler). After his short intro, we segue into a narrated story proclaiming the great accomplishments of Earth’s worst driver: Joe. Not surprisingly, he’s from New Jersey.
Joe’s just gotten into a horrific car accident and now lies dead in the middle of the street when his ephemeral self gets up and is taken to Traffic Court Heaven by the ugliest angel since John Travolta.
In God’s crummy office/court/skating rink, Joe’s angel friend presents damning evidence against him through the use of convenient video clips. As we see, Joe’s a pretty lousy driver. God’s cheesed.
For putting up with Joe, the pug-faced angel gets to go free and Joe…well…he stands around. I guess.
God addresses the audience and requests they do some introspection to see if they’ve accepted the Michelin Man into their lives. Or something like that.
Movie: We start with stock footage (not a good sign) and a rather authoritative voice proclaiming that a new planet, Nova, has been located. Conveniently, it’s exactly like this one. It even has its own Wisconsin (albeit inhabited by large, mutated animals).
Anyways, several minutes of stock footage unrelated to space travel and more suited to airplanes is shown all in the name of “preparations”. Who will go on this vital mission to a new planet, equipped with billions in new technology? Two couples who are the most incompetent “scientists” you’ll ever see.
Being the dedicated scientists they are, they spend about two minutes on scientific research and promptly decide to go camping.
One couple wanders off (we’ll call them Bob and Carroll) and Bob falls right into the mouth of an alligator. Carroll screams (scientifically) to alert the other couple (Ted and Alice). Carroll is crouching over Bob when Ted runs up and throws her violently out of the way. Fun.
They’re intermittently bothered by other large beasts like bees and snakes and such. They’re also bothered by a kinkajou (not a Lemur) that is oddly not gigantic; they dub him Joe.
The other scientist couple goes off on a hike to an island Alice won’t stop blathering on about and they take the furry primate with them. On the island they encounter large pet-shop variety lizards that the scientists say are “related to the Tyrannosaurus” (yeah…whatever you say) and trap the couple in a cave. The lizards maul and mangle each other much to the audience’s bemusement/horror/disgust and the two scientists don’t take the opportunity to escape.
More lizards fight, and Ted fires a flair gun to alert the other couple. They arrive, packing their convenient hand-held atomic bomb, set the fuse and haul their pasty scientist asses two miles away back on the mainland (the whole time, brutally pushing and pulling the women) where they witness the island consumed in fire and get horribly irradiated.
Bob declares that they’ve “brought civilization to Terra” by creating a nuclear winter and killing all life. Good job, dickweeds.
Host Segments
Prologue: Joel recites (woodenly) some poetry about clouds and smoke and other pot-related things. That stoner, he’s a nut. Too bad the skit is dull. Segment 1: Dr. F’s crushed and is the pocket scientist; its mildly amusing. Joel’s socks stink, so what? Segment 2: Crow has a hilarious diatribe that’s unforgettable and unmissable. Quote: Put a drop of vanilla behind each ear and you’ll smell like a cookie all day. Segment 3: Joey the Lemur* Segment 4: No! Not the emotional scientist sketch! When will the pain of overlong, badly written/performed sketches end!?!?! Segment 5: Ok, an improvement. Joel plays with a theremin to an amusing affect.
Riffing The riffing for the short if rapid-fire and filled with many memorable lines; it’s the best short of season 2. The movie’s riffing is ok; it tends to use the “funny voice of an animal” shtick with the dinos and the lemur. But it works well enough.
Favs: Crow: Bing! Tom: Parallel universe parking.
Crow: Where are your skates, boys?
Judge: I know how the boys are. Joel: And I know where the boys are.
Tom: God sure has a crummy office. Joel: All the decorators are in Hell.
Tom: Ah, paddy cake. The international symbol for “off with your clothes”.
Overall The riffing here is average-to-above average and the movie lends itself to riffing. The host segments are WILDLY uneven. From Joel’s bland poetry to the vaguely amusing inventions to Crow’s hilarious diatribe to the god-awful Lemur sketch to the equally horrendous scientist bit and the OK theremin. Thankfully, the host segments are short enough I can fast-forward. But…they do drag the episode down.
Score: B-
*Dear lord. How I HATE the stupid Joey the Lemur sketch. It has the feeling they wrote the idea two minutes prior and Joel is blue-skying. Just a horrible mess of a sketch. And it is painful. Lord is it painful. I almost stopped watching the episode right then and there. Say what you will, but the Sci-Fi host segments were never as painful, irritating or downright embarrassing as Joey the Lemur. It is the “Hamlet” of host segments.
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jun 23, 2007 16:59:02 GMT -5
I live!
Next episode!
211-First Spaceship on Venus
Movie: I’m going to say it right now, I kind of like this movie; it is probably the best film MST ever riffed on. Was it undeserving of riffing? No, but for the time in which it came out, its pretty damn impressive. The visuals are a joy, its colorful, Venus is a visual feast. I love it. Now, back to the review.
In the distant year 1985, a spool containing an electronic message from Venus is found in the Gobi desert. Before scientists fully decrypt the message, an international task force is set up to fly to Venus.
On board are seven men: an American pilot, some guy named Herringway with big hair, an old curmudgeon of a scientists, an Asian language expert, an African communications officer and roughly 30 identical European guys. There’s also one woman who apparently had a thing with Herringway but its never fully explored. When taking off, they all wear giant bear costumes (which look peculiarly like body condoms) but for the rest of the flight its business casual. A rather useless, bulky, talking Roomba named Omega rounds out the cast.
On the way, they encounter the prerequisite meteor storm (in which the meteors look like poppycock). One of the several white guys continually loses at chess to the Roomba – and it’s funny!
The grumpy old scientist discovers that the spool was a message that said the Venusians were going to destroy all life on Earth. Instead of turning around, they continue on to almost certain doom.
As they approach the planet, one of the scientist’s goes down to the planet in the oddly named “Crawl-icoptor”. He loses contact with the ship and upon landing discovers Venus is a cloudy, barren place. He’s also is taunted by wind-up novelty items. His colleagues land and meet up with the poor dope. Everyone is dressed in neat colorful outfits.
The team discovers a sphere that makes it seem that they’ve landed in a post-apocalyptic EPCOT. They follow a power line from the big ball out to a destroyed city. Here, they discover a control center where the people of Venus were to destroy all human life.
A scientist kicks a rock into magma and it inexplicably start to chase them. He shoots at it and it retreats just as quickly as it started. This apparently sets off an atomic reaction and everything goes to hell. Omega goes mental and runs over the guy with big hair, the EPCOT dome turns from white to red.
The black guy and the Asian guy head out to shut off the atomic thing. Asian guy’s suit is punctured and he bites it. Black guy turns off the thing, some guy blasts off to save them in his own rocket but just then the gravity reverses itself and the spaceship is thrown off the planet. The guy who went off on a rescue mission is also hurled into space. The black guy is left on the planet by himself. Everyone else returns to Earth, having to explain why three of their comrades are dead.
Host Segments
Prologue: Joel adjusts Tom’s sarcasm sequencer. Its funny for a bout a second, and then its mostly annoying. Segment 1: Tom’s sarcasm sequencer goes on overload at the mention of Gallagher. The junk drawers are a lame excuse of an invention exchange, as is TV’s Fish. Segment 2: The bots invent a robot the speaks in foam. A lame sight gag ensues. Segment 3: A rather non-sequitur visit from a space gorilla turns out to be pretty lame. Segment 4: The Klack commercial is bizarre but ultimately hilarious. “Watch kitty’s galvanic skin response shoot through the ceiling…” Segment 5: I’m with Crow, I liked it. Servo’s way too sarcastic but his head exploding is pretty funny, especially the smoke coming out of his mouth. Dr. F’s vomiting is odd and unexplained.
Riffing This is one of the few instances where the movie overshadows the riffing. Joel and the bots’ contributions aren’t that great in this episode and it isn’t terribly funny but I didn’t mind because the movie was fun to watch.
Favs: Tom: Today’s the day the teddy bears fly to Venus.
Scientist: Then something went drastically wrong. Crow: Bush was elected.
Scientist: Who was servicing it? Joel: Say…
Crow: Tweaky pops the clutch and tells the doc to eat his rust!
Overall The host segments are fairly stupid (except for the Klack commercial) and the riffing is average. Oddly enough, the quality of the movie is the only thing that saves it.
Score: C+
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jul 5, 2007 23:01:53 GMT -5
Holy crap! I’m back! Next episode! 212-Gozilla vs. Megalon Movie: The film introduces us to the idea that testing nuclear weapons, while fun and a good way to scare the Russians, does nothing but tick off monsters and fey, subterranean types. Two tight-bodied bachelor friends/roommates and their shrill child, Roxanne enjoy a picnic when suddenly there’s a quake! The lake Roxanne is paddling his rented plastic dolphin-thing on suddenly starts to drain and his two dads come to rescue with a rocket on a string (a must when picnicking in Japan). The dolphin-thing is sucked down, subsequently; they don’t get their deposit back. Upon getting back the bachelor pad, they’re confronted by Oscar Wilde who quickly subdues our heroes and beats cheeks along with his friend, Bluto. One of our heroes, Rex Dart, goes after them in his sporty car. He’s quickly foiled in his attempts to follow. The super-friends investigate the red powder left behind by Oscar Wilde and turn on their Jack Nicholson-bot; Roxanne rides his tiny trike and is tailed by Oscar and Bluto who force him to let them into the funhouse. Our heroes are subdued again and Oscar makes a call to his boss in Seatopia: a mustachioed guy in a fairy costume. He beckons Megalon to emerge while KKK members writhe around in the background. Megalon, a giant cockroach/Christmas tree monster makes his way up towards the surface. We cut away to find Roxanne and Unimportant-Bachelor tied up in a metal crate being driven by two goofy, comic-relief guys. Under the control of Oscar Wilde, Jet Jaguar (the robot) flies off to greet Megalon. After some exposition from Oscar, Rex Dart escapes and drives off. Jet leads Megalon towards a dam which he destroys and somehow saves the two in the metal crate at the same time. Bachelor #2 regains control of Jet Jaguar and instructs him to find Gozilla to clean this mess up. The rest of the movie is basically a bunch of Japanese in rubber suits fighting. I could go into detail, but what do you really need to know? Host SegmentsPrologue: Joel and the bots acting like innocuous talk show hosts is fairly fun; especially Wanda McHale and her whale of a tale. Segment 1: The cheap Halloween costumes is pure gold. The best part is, they’re actually damned good ideas! Kudos to Dr F on his foosball goalie costume. Segment 2: Tom and Crow 1-up each other on monster descriptions. Crow’s Frost is classic: “Yeah, and he sprays it like icy death from bloody stumps!”. Segment 3: Rex Dart Eskimo Spy! It works, its fun, I love it. Great segment. Segment 4: The Dysfunctional Popcorn sketch. Every line lovingly crafted for hilarity. One of my favorite sketches. “You’re going to be eating a lot of cheese: government cheese.” Segment 5: The claws are ok, but the real highlight is the awesome redubbed Jet Jaguar fight song. Riffing:While not really up to the standards of later seasons, it’s the best of Season 2 and early Season 3. So its fairly good, but not perfect riffing. Favs: Roxanne: Help me! Joel: Hey! You’re in no position to make demands kid! Tom: I don’t think this is going to help the tourist trade at all. Joel: Yeah, I know. Plus we’re in a recession. Crow: This watery manifestation of a vengeful, wrathful God couldn’t have come at a worse time. Crow: Oh my god! The dehumidifier committed suicide! Roxanne: Hey look! I found some funny red powder. Joel: That’s mine, just leave it alone. Joel: They just created Jennifer Beals. Crow: Now this controls his kung-fu grip. Mustache guy: Megalon! Joel: God of draperies! OverallThe best episode in Season 2, hands down. The host segments are ALL great, really classic stuff. There probably won’t be an episode this good until around 306-310. But this is still the standard at which early MST3K must be judged. Score: A BTW, Here’s Gary Redenbacher today:
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jul 8, 2007 15:03:25 GMT -5
Finishing the season! Woo! And it only took a month.
Next episode!
213-Gozilla vs. The Sea Monster
Movie: Godzilla’s back and someone’s got to pay! Well…no. While he gets top billing, Godzilla barely figures into the movie until the third act. Must have a good agent.
We open on a giant crab destroying a boat and we quickly cut to “two months later” where the mother of one of the people, “Yata”(?), hears from the local psychic that he’s not dead. She send her son “Rota”(?, who cares?) to investigate. We then go to movie #3 where Japanese kids emulate American culture in the embarrassing way presented on M*A*S*H (Hello Joe!) except here they’re dancing the night away. Rota (obsessed with getting a boat) comes here and meets up with two other guys he doesn’t know and they all go out looking for a boat. Why would perfect strangers do this? Who cares!
They go the docks and break into a boat that’s conveniently owned by a bank robber who insists that they stay the night (Why! Make them leave! You’re tied to a dock!). In the morning, they find that boat-boy has unmoored them and they’re going out to see. Suspension of disbelief puts in overtime and they all merrily go on their way until a giant crab cuts their boat in two and they wash up on an island.
The go into the jungle where they find a sword, eat fruit and see a ship. Unbeknownst to them, the ship belongs to a Secret Evil Organization that does SOMETHING sinister, I’m not sure what. Basically they take natives from another island to make a juice that subdues the big crab. Plus, their commander has a kickass Ziggy Stardust eye patch. One the natives they brought, a lovely lady, escapes into the jungle while the bad guys are distracted by the crab and its Bondian them music. She meets up with our heroes and off they go on their vague quest.
Cut to another island where native types and their lead singers Pink Lady sing to and praise an obviously unimpressed Mothra. And then back to the island where or heroes hide in a cave that also is holding a sleeping Godzilla. How did he get into a mountain and be completely covered? Again…who cares! But, let’s forget Godzilla and continue with the uninteresting story.
The team breaks into the Secret Evil Organization headquarters/factory/lavatory where the find mustard gas bowling pins and goal posts by the handful. There’s also a nuclear reactor that has something to do with the plot but they are quickly confronted by Patchy and escape thanks to said mustard gas pins. They regroup, try to escape but the alarms go off, one of the unfunny guys is captured, the boat-guy is caught in a balloon and fly’s off(!) and the other three run off. Meanwhile, Pink Lady performs another number but Mothra’s a tough crowd. Boat-guy lands and interrupts their number but he reunites with his brother so it’s ok. Back on island 1, our team decides to wake up Godzilla via electrocution on the hunch that he’s help them instead of eating them. In prison, unfunny guy convinces the slaves to get rid of the yellow juice and make fake juice.
The two brothers row back to the first island when a storm comes up and the crab appears, only to ignore them. Godzilla gets shocked and breaks out of his mountain and fights with the crab. Or maybe they’re playing baseball, I can’t be sure.
The brothers join back up with the rest and the go to save the slaves. They get chased; Godzilla defends the lady and then takes a dump and then gets attacked by airplanes and Godzilla destroys most of the evil compound. Until Patchy decides to set it to “nuke”. Thankfully, our team releases the slaves with just two hours until the island explodes.
The evil guys try to escape but with phony liquid, they’re quickly killed by the crab. The natives spend their two hours building a nest for Mothra to carry them in and the rest of the film drags on. Godzilla has his final climactic battle with the crab in which he literally tears him limb from limb. Meanwhile, Mothra, the lazy bastard that he is, refuses to get up for school until the last minute.
Mothra shrugs off Godzilla and takes the islanders away, leaving Godzilla alone. So, he reuses footage from a previous movie and does another cannonball just as the island goes up. The end. Thank god.
Host Segments
Prologue: Joel reads the bots a very strange version of “the Velveteen Rabbit”. The bots love it, I’m vaguely bemused. Segment 1: Joel’s mind-control guitar is another neat leftover prop from his standup days: add the appropriate facial grimaces, wear spandex and meet with the ladies after the show! Note the “Ring of Terror” callback when the bots exchange quips. The squeeze-toy guitars are simple but imaginative. Cheap Trick says goodnight! Segment 2: Joel’s presentation on Godzilla’s genealogy is everything MST is and stands for. Right down to the great jab at Steve Gutenberg. Love it. Segment 3: Joel goes off his bean and (dear lord!) he’s actually ACTING! One of the few times I’ve ever seen Joel emote. The sketch is ok, but its fun to see the bots destroy the crappy models. “We have parking for three—no, thirty thousand compact cars and trucks”. Segment 4: The bots do their Pink Lady thing. They have some pretty good lines. Mothra shows up and makes fun of Alan Thick’s obscure talk show. The Mothra head is a pretty cool special effect: it blinks! Segment 5: Joel and the bots talk about misheard movie quotes. And yes, Sting in little leather underwear was unfortunate. The Cool Thing was Mexican Stoplight Candy. Go figure.
Riffing: Whereas the sketches where excellent and the riffing was ok in the last episode, it is reversed here. The riffing is rapid fire and rarely fails to hit its mark. It only slows down a bit towards the end, but overall its great.
Favs: Tom: Japanese youth, these kids got t the old way backwards all messed up. These kids have traded in Samurai swords for a pair of Reeboks. Joel: I’m turning Brooklynese, I really think so.
Tom: Hey look! Yahalen! Woo! They’re going to Panama! Joel(sings): Panama!
Tom: James Bond is back as the spy with the biggest crab claw you’ve ever seen in your life. Double-O crab.
Theif: Well, there are only three of us left, what do we do? Joel: Bow-chicka-chicka-bow-bow.
(lightning strikes) Joel: By the power of Greyskull!
Overall
While definitely not on the same level as the previous episode it’s still pretty freaking good. The host segments are very strong heading out of Season 2 with maybe the exception of Joel’s space madness. While it is a treat to see Joel act, the sketch doesn’t really do much or have a good punch line. The sketches aren’t nearly as good as the last episode, but the riffing almost makes up for it. Highly recommended.
Score: A-
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