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Post by Diet Kolos on Nov 25, 2013 21:48:01 GMT -5
Why so late with the review? I'm the laziest man on Mars!
Next episode!
321-Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Movie:
Mars needs Santa! There's a decided lack of blatant commercialism on the red planet and its bumming out the little green space brats. The head Martian, Kolgate, decides to kidnap Santa along with his henchmen: Walmart, Rimjob, Fargo, Drooper and Snork. And...Droppo...
Anywho, after a mishap involving two idiot Earth children who betray Santa and give away his coordinates, the Martians abscond with St. Nick and take him away whereupon he gifts all two Martian children with cheaply made, unsafe 60's toys.
Santa teaches the Martians the true meaning of the holiday: Christmas is found in the heart of the local village idiot. Namely Droppo. He becomes Santa's local union representative and is made to wear red at all times so people can see him coming and leave as quickly as they can.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The bots look at Christmas catalogues. Segment 1: The Mads' Wish Squisher, Joel's new misfit toys. Segment 2: A Patrick Swayze Christmas Segment 3: Bad Christmas specials Segment 4: Christmas essays Segment 5: Caroling, exchanging gifts
Things that I noticed:
-This episode was being filmed the same time CC taped the Eden Prairie segments in This Is MST3K, the behind-the-scenes special hosted by corpulent, mugging and generally awful Penn Jillette. Originally shown 11/14/92 and later added to the end of that year's Turkey Day. This episode was first show 12/21/91. So CC held onto that footage for almost a year before airing the special.
-Ah! We jump straight to Deep 13 in Segment 1. Very disorienting.
-Note the Mads' holiday decor: a bare tree.
-Also note in Segment 1: Dr. F's hair is looking particularly "Mad" today. Much more wild than usual.
-MST3K was obsessed with Roadhouse long before Family Guy made it fashionable.
-Segment 4 is pure gold. All of the editorials are great. There's too much to quote, but its all good.
-I still sing their version of "Angels We Have Heard on High" from Segment 5.
-A bunch of unpainted Crow bowling pins are in Crow's stocking in Segment 5.
-There are now lights on the Mads' tree in Segment 5.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
Andy: Hello, Santa! Crow: Get the hell out of my shop!
Crow: Tonight I'm a space pirate! Permission to come aboard!
Droppo: My finger isn't tired. Crow: Lookout nose!
Tom (singing): Hang out in leather bars. Haul out the cocktail sauce...
Overall:
This movie is annoying. Very annoying. Droppo fills me with a blind rage that is probably unhealthy. The simpering little dope just mugs and maws in every scene he's in, its disgusting. Just horrible stuff. But that turd is only in about 30% of the movie, so I suppose I can't hate the ENTIRE film based on one putrid, green, rancid, stinking Martian...dear lord how I hate Droppo... Anywho...the rest of the movie is lowest common denominator stuff aimed at the children of the 60's, and I guess it would work for them, but, man...I feel bad for whatever parents were dragged into a dark room to see this film. If Holiday depression has a psychological trigger, this might just be it. Atonal, screeching children. Loud, cacophonic music. Bright colors that mish-mash. And absolutely devoid of anything meaningful or symbolic for your mind to grab onto and think about in any serious manner long enough to distract you from the murderous and anti-social thoughts this movie triggers in the deepest recesses of your mind as you cringe and scream internally for some kind of release from the-...oh, sorry. I...uh...got a bit lost there in my own personal issues with this film.
Yes, well, the episode. I know its considered a classic. And I can stand the first 30 minutes or so, but...the movie. I personally prefer 521-Santa Claus to this as my X-Mas episode. The host segments are good. Very well written. But the barren pit of a movie just drives me away. Your mileage may vary.
Score: C+
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Post by Diet Kolos on Mar 9, 2014 15:36:18 GMT -5
Less than 4 months between episodes? Not bad.
Timbe do rebiew de ebisode! Hi-buh-kee-buh-la!
Next episode!
322-Master Ninja I
Movie:
Not so much a movie as the slapping together of the first two episodes of the short-lived 80's series "The Master". The only thing lost in the translation between the TV and "film" versions is the kick-ass theme song.
Lee's the only occidental American to become a ninja. He leaves Japan to find his long-lost daughter, MacGuffin. His fellow ninjas dislike his departure for some vague, series-setting reason and persue. Meanwhile in Illinois, USA...Salami from The White Shadow, Timothy Van Patten, drives a custom van with his gerbil. He mumbles and mutters to himself and dresses like a burned-out Vietnam vet, only about 10 years too young(see Things that I noticed). This was "cool" in the early 80's, I guess. At least Demi Moore likes it.
Anywho, their paths cross and they decide to go on a cross-country adventure, as 80's buddy shows are oft to do. Clu Gulager shows up and has a muttering competition with Tim. Later, Tim and Lee reenact "Big Trouble in Little China".
Host Segments:
Prologue: The bots make a model car. Gypsy sings Springsteen. Segment 1: Intravenous dinners. Pop-Up novels. Segment 2: The Van Patton Project. Segment 3: Theme music. Segment 4: New nun-chucks. Segment 5: Master Ninja Theme Song!
Things that I noticed:
-From what I can tell, until this episode was released on DVD, the most widely distributed version of this episode, including the most popular one on Youtube, ran just over 92 minutes and was missing ~5 minutes. This appears to be because of bad taping on the originator's part. Note that the last 15 seconds of the Prologue are cut off as are the first 5-10 seconds of Segment 1. I've found another complete taped version and have uploaded it to Youtube. Unfortunately Penn Jillette is talking over the end credits.
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-It makes for a good joke in Segment 1 if you've never read the book, but, as Nelson from The Simpsons says after watching "Naked Lunch": I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.
-From some of the dialogue in the show, it can be inferred that the backstory for Tim's character is that he actually IS a Vietnam veteran and witnessed the Fall of Saigon. Of course, the problem with this is that in 1984, Timothy would have to be 27 or 28 at the VERY least in order to have even been in Saigon in 1975. When "The Master" was made, Tim was only 24. And that might seem like not a big stretch...BUT! The draft ended in December 1972. So unless he volunteered, the latest and youngest Tim could've been drafted and sent to Vietnam would make him either 30 or 31 in "present day" 1984. And if so, that's a pretty youthful Vietnam vet.
-For years, I never understood the "Dominican" nun-chuck joke in Segment 4. I always assumed they were referring to people from the Dominican Republic, not Dominican Catholics. Duh!
-Who cleaned up the mess in Evanston, Ill. after Tim and Lee left? The police force has been decimated and the Sheriff's confession is coerced, so he's going to get off. The biggest real estate developer in town's been killed by a ninja star-throwing drifter whom everyone saw threaten him at a party, etc. I'm guessing Demi Moore and her dad are arrested on conspiracy of murder and have the airport taken away from them by the Feds.
-Why are Japanese ninjas taking over Chinatown? I'm guessing the producers thought "Chinese, Japanese...close enough!" and just went with it.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
Tom: M-AX. All: MAX! Tom: Here comes the TV car chase. Its the TV car chase theme. Your TV car chase! Your TV car chase scene!
Crow: He looks as much like a Ninja as Irene Ryan.
Crow: Its a ventriloquist pistol. Tom: Say hello to the nice folks, Remington!
Joel: Clarence the cross-eyed ninja.
Crow: Hi-buh-kee-buh-la!
Overall:
THIS is the kind of movie I wish they'd done more of. Works so well for riffing. This is a great episode. I can quote it back and forth. Highly recommended. Riffing is thorough and top-notch, host segments are all good fun and they completely dissect this show/movie. Can't miss.
Score: A
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Post by Diet Kolos on Mar 12, 2014 21:42:00 GMT -5
Oh dear lord...give me the strength I need for this movie...
Next episode!
323-The Castle of Fu Manchu
Movie:
The immortal Christopher Lee (and that might be literal, the man is 92 and shows no signs of stopping) IS Fu Manchu. And he's peeved. At what? And who? Nothing and no one specifically, but he's an super villain and he must've been bored. He's going to freeze the world's oceans for no particular reason other than as an excuse for the filmmakers to steal footage from better movies. He's got an evil daughter, too, but she doesn't do much.
Who's going to stop Fu? Nayland Smith, the world's most drab and forgettable Sherlock Holmes knock-off. He even has his own Watson, Dr. Petrie.
For some reason the film is centered around Istanbul and the titular castle. Lots of blurry, unfocused, greasy things happen. Characters walk in and out of frame. Footage from old Fu Manchu movies is used liberally. The plot disappears about 45 minutes in and nobody cares much to look for it. There's something about opium and heart surgery, but who knows.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel and the bots sing and gad about. Segment 1: The bots give a useful invention, Joel tries the Big Head again. The Stinky Bomb. Segment 2: The Miss Saigon Syndrome. Crow breaks down. Segment 3: Joel and the bots try to be Shriners but Tom breaks down. Segment 4: The bots have broken down. Joel tries to add levity and fails. Segment 5: Joel and the bots break down. The Mads gloat, try to best Joel, fail.
Things that I noticed:
-I believe this is the third appearance of the Big Head. Maybe fourth. I understand that a bit of effort may have gone into making the thing, but...come on. It was lame the first time.
-Despite the terribly roughshod quality of this movie, the one thing that's never lacking is the fairly good yellow-face make-up Lee wears. Offensive as hell, but quite impressive regardless. I didn't make connection between the credit "Christopher Lee" and the ACTUAL "Christopher Lee" for some time because the make-up's so good.
-This might be the third episode in a row with the "Witness" yelling banter. Someone on the writing staff must've rented it around the time of production.
-I love Crow's Shriner nickname: The Neon Peon.
-Segment 3: Crow's legs! Joel's legs (sort of)!
-I love the idea of someone running cigarettes for Agnes de Mille and having it take 12 hours per day.
-This isn't the last time they do artists renderings, but Segment 4 may be the last of the "Joel does it against the robot's wishes" variety.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
Fu: This is Fu Manchu. Crow: And you're not.
Tom: We use children to grind our hops.
Tom: Harry Alan TOWERS!!!
Neyland: Its very nice of you to come. Joel: Well, I didn't mean to, but the new seat covers...
Crow: I'm here for the El Gringo audition.
Crow: In conclusion: Cameron Mackintosh, bite me! Oh, wait...
Tom: Oh, that's disgusting. A picture of you and Oliver Reed.
Dr. F: You fly, I'll by. Frank: Solid, Jackson. Oh bite me, its fun!
Crow: Sounds like the water's falling on the piano.
Overall:
I can't in good conscience recommend this episode. The movie isn't QUITE as bad as they make it out to be in the episode, but its pretty terrible. One of the worst 3 or 4 they've ever done, and the worst since Robot Monster or Slime People in Season 1. The movie is totally unwatchable for the last 45 minutes. Completely incoherent. Incoherent AND boring. And as they might try, the riffing can't do much. It is, however, worth seeing for the host segments. This is one of the first episodes with a self-contained story in the host segments, in this instance, the Mads have found a movie so terrible that they "win". The movie's not THAT terrible, but its bad enough and boring enough that it drags down the episode. Unfortunately it isn't Manos-kind of bad. Oh well.
Score: D
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Post by Diet Kolos on Apr 18, 2016 22:14:14 GMT -5
A little over 2 years between reviews, not bad...
Next episode!
324-Master Ninja II
Movie:
Episode 2 and 3 of the failed, action-packed Ninja epic, “The Master”. Lee and Tim are still traveling across the country, Lee’s search for his daughter long forgotten. Now they’re more interested in fair-labor practices and hostage situations. Ninjas are still pursuing them, only much more tangentially than before. I guess they got bored and are just site-seeing, while keeping close tabs on Lee and Tim.
In any case, in part one, our two vagrant ninjas wander into some backwater cannery town where everyone has vague Southern accents, and the only business inexplicably runs everything. Workers suffer from faulty equipment and badly-lit assembly lines. People occasionally get crushed, maybe someone gets ptomaine. I dunno. Its bad, we’re told. Its like an early episode of Roseanne, but more unappealing. Max’s default love interest is a squeaky-voiced, Designing Women reject. She’s a rabble-rousing union organizer, despite the fact the nobody seems to want a union, even the workers. Tim gives a mumbley speech, and whips the crowd into an organizing frenzy. The company’s thugs give the prerequisite chase, Lee gets to show off new ninja moves. Eventually, Lee gets killed, uses his new-found power of reanimation, and has a badly-lit shovel fight in a graveyard. The cannery owner is arrested by the previously-established corrupt police, and will probably be released right after Max and Lee leave town.
In California, now equipped with a glider, Tim saves a ditzy blonde who happens to be a Senator’s daughter. They go to her garden party, which is conveniently interrupted by angular, vaguely-European terrorists/waiters, who kidnap the blonde. The worst James Bond is there, too, and pursues. There’s FBI types, Max gets his thumb shot off, there’s catty banter between Lee and Bond, and Tim impersonates Ator. Monte Markham rounds out the cast.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel and the bots improv group: Anyone For More Fruitcake! Segment 1: More improv from the Mads. Conveyor belt buffet. Gerbil-Sphere 2. Segment 2: The Bots design custom vans. Segment 3: General Timothy van Patten. Segment 4: Pets for fictional detectives. Segment 5: Lee Van Cleef dress-up. Letters. Frank discusses The Second Hundred Years.
Things that I noticed:
-This is the LAST 97-minute episode. Starting in 1992, Comedy Central moved to a more-commercials-per-half-hour model. Every subsequent season would have episodes lasting ~92 minutes. All the episodes from Seasons 1-3 became cumbersome for Comedy Central to show, and they were relegated to rerunning during the early mornings on weekends.
-All the improv stuff must’ve been a catharsis for the writers. They at least seem familiar with it, and liberally throw out terms and tropes common to the scene. Knowing how most of them were stand-ups, I imagine they had low opinions of improv performers.
-The rig Dr. F is rolling for the buffet is a real, hand-cranked conveyor belt, not just a prop they built. The kind used to unload trucks at retail stores. I have unpleasant memories regarding those things...
-There are so many caveats to the Gerbil-Sphere. Its a pretty good take-down of Biosphere 2, which I’m sure was a sick burn back in 1991.
-Tom mentions Blue Man Group, which, for 1991, must have been INCREDIBLY obscure.
-Crow makes a comment about “Terry Brown” having Linda Ronstadt behind him on roller skates. Jerry Brown was the governor of California from 1975-83. At 36, Rolling Stone nicknamed him “Moonbeam” because of his hippy-dippy attitude and environmental concerns. By 1991, this reference was dusty and hopelessly obscure. Jerry Brown became the governor AGAIN in 2011. He was one of California’s youngest AND oldest governors.
-Joel’s hair is a mess this episode. Particularly during Segment 2.
-During the bar fight, why is the woman on the phone ordering a pizza, while in a restaurant?
-Tom’s “MENDOZAAAA!!!” line, a reference to The Simpsons, was mentioned in the DVD commentary for that particular Simpsons episode. The writers/producers stated that they knew they’d made it when they watched this episode and heard Tom reference their show.
-Crow goes off the rails with his Crypt Keeper impression.
-Max’s van is apparently magical and can produce whatever’s needed for the plot, ie, the crotch rocket and the glider thing.
-Most of the first “half” of this movie is left mostly intact from the TV show. The second half’s been edited to hell, though. It starts mid-scene! A shame, as its the more interested story.
-Episode 624 was originally supposed to be Master Ninja III, but as it was Frank’s last episode, he got to choose the genre of film, and went for Mexican wrestlers. A real shame, too. Its on Youtube. Tim and Lee go to New Orleans. It would’ve made a great episode. Here’s to hoping they eventually get to it.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
Tom: You’ll be a Henson rat like me!
Joel: He started up the guy’s hand!
Joel: Nothing like enjoying nature on a screaming crotch rocket.
Tom: AGHH! AGHHH! DON’T MOVE ME! AGHHHHH!!!!!
Joel: I am the floor of an adult movie theater.
Tom: Its Milton Berle’s netted slingshot briefs.
Crow: What is he? Obi-freakin’-Wan Kenobi?
Crow: What a cliche. A Japanese guy in a GM car.
Crow: She’s Skeletor’s sister, Shellie-tor.
Joel: Ow! My ankle go bendie-wendie!
Tom: Penguins. All of your nineteenth century detectives would have penguins.
Joel: Oh man! And Designing Women is on in half an hour!
Overall:
A pretty solid episode. Not as good as Master Ninja I, but maybe that’s because I’m sentimental towards that one. Obviously better than Castle of Fu Manchu. Sketched are on the weaker side. The improv stuff and inventions are good. I like the detectives with pets bit. The rest is lacking. Its a shame they focused so much on the cannery episode and not the California hostage episode, which I feel they got better riffing material out of. Overall, riffing went at a good clip. A few good lines. Nothing too outstanding. A good end to Season 3.
Score: B+
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Post by Diet Kolos on Apr 19, 2016 19:30:44 GMT -5
Gene Hackman is good, even in this review...
Next episode!
401-Space Travelers
Movie:
A big-budget, Oscar-winning Hollywood film! Starring Gregory Peck! Richard Crenna! David Janssen! Gene Hackman! Directed by John Sturges! And its still boring as all get-out!
In this dud of a let’s-cash-in-on-the-moon-landing film, 3 astronauts are sent up to do their late-60’s astronaut thing, spy on the Soviets, torture monkeys, etc. They’ve crammed into their return vehicle to make a fiery return to Earth, but the transmission goes out, or the timing belt is loose, or something, and they’re stuck in their orbiting AMC Pacer.
On the ground, mission control tries to fix things and generally cover the whole thing up. Passions beat logic and they decide to attempt an expensive, dangerous rescue mission. There’s a plot-convenient hurricane that comes and goes at the most dramatic times. And in the end it was basically all for naught, if not for a helpful passing Soviet cosmonaut, who will probably be sent off to the gulags once he gets home.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Great Crow-dini! Segment 1: The Mads discuss showbiz. The Dollar-oid. Faces on tissues. Segment 2: Contributions of the space race. Segment 3: NASA lingo. Segment 4: Joel and the bots discuss life and death situations. Segment 5: Find the Finder of Lost Loves. Letters.
Things that I noticed:
-Frank is reading the January 4, 1992 edition of Variety. There’s a story on the back about “Boys in The Hood” beating “Terminator 2” in Italy. The cover story is about the booming holiday box office in spite of the economy.
-Pat Buchanan is still outrageously evil.
-Another mention of Jeff Dunham’s Peanut the Woozle in Segment 2.
-Kate Bush is apparently a result of the space race. At least according to Servo. Jim Belushi, too.
-Tom says one of the characters looks like Newt Gingrich, almost 2 years before his rise to prominence, when he was still Minority Whip.
-After Segment 2, you can see Kevin reach up for Tom as Joel brings him into the theater.
-Notice the half-dozen burning cigarettes in ashtrays on the desk in Segment 3.
-Officially one of the dirtiest jokes they ever made: Joel’s “glory hole” comment in Segment 3.
-Crow reminds us that he can decide who lives and who dies, a callback to 321.
-It is a nice drawing in Segment 5.
-This is Patrick Bransteg's first episode. He's listed as an Intern for the rest of the season, and also as a Prop Assistant from 417 on.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
Crow: At Phillips Petroleum, we’ve found ways to replace the environment. Take for example these plastic, self-cleaning ducks.
Tom: I made this thing out of clay. I think its a duck.
Crow: Your jock strap will double as a flotation device.
Joel: Swirled yogurt. Essential for space travel.
Joel: We got Judy Garland on the line, she’ll be advising you on the pill thing.
Lee Grant: I lost the bill to the insurance... Crow: I’d find that and pay it if I were you.
Crow: Trying to get the BB in the bear’s eye...
Crow: El-tay ony-stay am-scray.
Joel: We’re getting color TV’s everybody! Woo!
Overall:
This episode is Exhibit A in “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” The Brains themselves have often talked of regretting doing this film, and chalk up choosing to riff on it to the novelty of watching a “real” Hollywood film with familiar faces. During the next year’s Cable ACE Awards, Dennis Miller even commented to them that they’d jumped the shark, as it were, by doing this film. I’m not sure I’d go that far, but it was definitely a mistake. Outside of the novelty factor, which lasts all of 20 minutes, this is a boring film. Its not bad. Or interesting. Just boring. You get the feeling the Brains chose it for vanity rather than content. And they’ve obviously wanted to do this film for awhile. The Mads even comment that they wanted it but couldn’t get the rights back in 201. I chalk this one up to some major tunnel vision.
Riffing is bland and relies too heavily on repeated jokes that aren’t funny the first time. Though Crow does a great Peck. Host segments are also fairly forgettable. This episode was the first 92-minute episode, but it feels just as long as the prior season’s 97-minute episodes. It just drags and drags. A pretty anti-climactic season premiere.
Score: C-
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Post by Diet Kolos on Apr 21, 2016 18:00:48 GMT -5
Leg up, time to review...
Next episode!
402-The Giant Gila Monster
Movie:
In some rural, godforsaken backcountry town, we’re told that a giant gila monster roams the woods. Luckily, he has lots of food in the form of a multitude of teenagers. This town, wherever it is, has a total of 5 adults and 70 teenagers. They’re even shipping them in from France, apparently. They’re all obsessed with the standard 50’s things: sody-pop and fast cars. A dangerous mix. In any case, two of them elope, incur God’s wrath, and get eaten by the gila monster. One of the teen’s frumpy, Muppet-like father correctly informs the local Sheriff that he needs to find out what happened, but its out of his jurisdiction, and instead passes on all investigations to the local tow-truck driver/singer Chance. Can he save his friends, the town AND get a tow-job out of it?
There’s about 25 car accidents, some lame songs, a town drunk, train crashes and lots and lots of forced perspective shots. Add in a complete lack of blocking, resulting in odd and uncomfortable-looking leg positions, and you have this film.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel puts Tom’s head on Crow’s body. Segment 1: Prop radio. Hateful renaissance character punching bags. Segment 2: Joel has a malt-shop. The bots ruin his bit. Segment 3: Funny drunks. Segment 4: Servo on Cinema. Blocking. Segment 5: Joel and the bots are HEE-LA! Joel reads a letter from Frank.
Things that I noticed:
-Frank mentions the Mole People in Segment 1, but we don’t see them. The last time they’re actually seen on the show is 316-Gamera vs Zigra, though they did make an appearance in the 1991 Turkey Day marathon.
-Crow is correct. The font for the titles is Dom Casual. Good eye.
-I LOVE Tom’s drunk party-goer routine. It’s too long to quote, but his pained groans as he has a stroke is genius puppetry work on Kevin’s part.
-Gypsy has pink arms in Segment 3.
-This is Bridgett's first episode as a member of the Writing staff. She was previously a Contributing Writer.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
Crow: That Jerry Lee! He’s done it again!
Crow: Hey Mr. Douglas! I got those bodies buries just in time!
Tom: Let’s go get something cool and slippery from the stupid jerk.
Tom: Skid marks? You’re a sick man, Sheriff.
Crow: I’m gonna go listen to my cat scream.
Tom: Its The Evil Dead all of a sudden.
Tom: I dub this spot: Luggage World.
Overall:
Much better than 401. The movie, while turgid and incompetent, at least gets out of the house and moves around a bit. Adds a little variety. Which helps the riffing. Host Segments 2-4 are pretty good. Funny. The Mads’ invention is pretty good, Joel’s invention falls flat. Segment 5 just goes nowhere.
A decent episode. Middle of the road. Not bad, not a classic, either.
Score: B-
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Post by Diet Kolos on Apr 21, 2016 20:31:00 GMT -5
Did I mention that I cried? Is it wrong not to always be reviewing?
Next episode!
403-City Limits
Movie:
15 years from 1985 (or 16 years ago, depending on how you count), a terrible plague has killed off all of the adults, minus James Earl Jones. He adopts an orphan, who doesn’t seem to have a name (as is oft to happen in movies where mysterious strangers drive in from the desert to save civilization. But I digress), who grows up to be a studly, inoffensive, vaguely-rebellious type.
Anywho, he gets bored with the desert and its plentiful naked women and goes to Los Angeles in hopes of becoming a Clipper. I guess he figured he couldn’t cut it as a Laker. The Clippers rule half the city, and the rival DA’s run the other. Each side ride on magic motorcycles that don’t require gasoline. The Federal Government, which I assume is also run by motorcycle-riding teenagers, sends the standard evil corporation, Sunya, to return power, lights, running water, etc to the city. This is unacceptable to the teens because who wants that stuff, right? Their motivation is dubious, at best. The worst part about Sunya is they want to use the teens as a workforce, and they’re a little strict. But, I guess there’s gotta be some authority figure to rebel against... Sunya, by the way, is apparently run by Robby Benson with his lower half cut off and replaced by a desk. Kim Cattrall is a low-level employee.
The DA’s join up with Sunya, because they’re not stupid. The Clippers get their butts kicked, run off to James Earl Jones’ car-barn, and the film laps itself. They regroup and head back into town, equipped with radio-controlled planes and harmonica music. They end up forcing out Sunya, and they continue to lead their miserable lives in a dead, decaying city. James Earl Jones leaves town to go fire his agent.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Ping pong balls. Segment 1: Meat-based Mr. Potato Heads. Morrissey in the Pop Star Tupperware. Segment 2: Ode to Kim Cattrall. Segment 3: The Fantastic 85! Segment 4: The Fantastic 185! Segment 5: City Limits trivia. Letters.
Things that I noticed:
-My tape-traded copy is a bit muddy, like most of the widely circulated versions of episodes from early Season 4 seem to be. Being From Another Planet was the worst. Here’s to hoping for a good transfer from Shout! on the upcoming set.
-Servo’s hands are pink in the Prologue and Segment 1.
-I don’t know how they did it, but that last ping pong ball bouncing off Servo’s head was timed PERFECTLY.
-They darkened Mike’s hair and drew on sideburns for his Morrissey imitation.
-John Stockwell really was toned, tanned and terrific. I’d wager the most attractive male protagonist of any MST film. He was apparently a muse of Andy Warhol’s as a model. This film was from a busy part of his career, culminating in a small part in “Top Gun” the next year. He became a semi-successful director in the early-2000’s. Why his acting career never took off, I’m not sure. He’s not terrible as an actor, likable enough, handsome, etc.
-The foppish Dean Devlin, aka Ernie, was ultimately the most successful person to come out of this film. He co-produced mega-blockbusters with Roland Emmerich in the 90’s.
-Just what IS Robby Benson doing in this movie? He never gets up. He never does anything. He barely says anything. James Earl Jones does more! He’s a complete has-been by this point in the 80’s, so what gives?
-Its been 15 years since the plague, right? In flash-backs, the kids are shown as being roughly 5-10 years old. So, they’re 20-25. Why haven’t they had any kids of their own? You’d think SOMEONE would’ve had a little fun (they are teenagers, after all), someone would’ve gotten pregnant, etc. Did the plague leave everyone sterile? If so, they’ve got bigger issues on their hands. Its never addressed.
-They're needlessly mean to the kid who wrote a letter with jokes.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
-Crow: Oh, AUSTIN City Limits!
-Joel: It sounds like every Kenny Loggins songs.
-Joel: Indiana Jones and the temple of goons.
-Joel: I’m the sailor with a difference.
-Crow: Doctor Doorknob and his Incredible Electro-Magnetic Thing!
-Joel: Its the villain from Johnny Quest!
Overall:
This episode seems to get a good bit of hate. I’m not sure why. Its near the top of Joel episodes featuring 80’s films, for me. Joel’s 80’s episodes don’t seem to get as much love as Mike’s, which may be because it basically WAS still the 80’s when Joel watched them, and they don’t pinpoint the ridiculousness of the decade in retrospect, so they might not stand out as much. But unlike Mike’s 80’s films, which dwell on HOW 80’s everything is, this is just Joel commenting on what’s basically contemporary. And...it works, for me. Really well in this episode, actually. The riffing flows with the film, they don’t rely on one gimmick throughout the film to fall back on (they get that our of their system in the host segments with the superhero names). It just...works. I love it. Its got great re-watchability. The host segments are all great. I still quote some of the superhero names. I like this episode. A lot.
Score: A
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Post by Diet Kolos on Apr 23, 2016 13:06:13 GMT -5
Reviewing this film was like TORCHA!
Next episode!
404-Teenagers From Outer Space
Movie:
Suspiciously old teenage aliens come to Earth to raise giant space lobsters, but the handsomest alien, Derek, rebels and runs off. The angriest alien, Thor, is left behind to catch Derek. The big-chinned alien leader deposits a lobster in a nearby cave and leaves. Derek stumbles his way into a plush rented room, replete with a kindly grandfather and his Bettie Page-ish granddaughter, Betty.
Thor terrorizes the community, skeletizing professors and gas station attendants. The lobster eats a newspaper reporter and becomes a giant, flying lobster. Derek kills it with his jerry-rigged raygun, takes Thor out of police custody, and greets their big-chinned leader, and the alien King (who happens to be Derek’s father). Derek has them all violently killed in a horrific spaceship crash.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Programming out The NBC Mystery Movie Segment 1: Scratch-n-Sniff Report Card. Resusci-Annie Ventriloquism. Segment 2: Real life vs Reel life. Segment 3: Space junkfood. Segment 4: Skeleton ship. Tom makes a Tristar logo. Segment 5: Duct tape fashions. Letters. Dinner with Resisci-Annie.
Things that I noticed:
-This is Mary Jo’s first episode as a writer.
-This is the first episode without “Turn down your lights...”, now replaced by the title card.
-Tom’s hands are still pink.
-Say what you will, but the director does a pretty good job of passing Hollywood off as a quiet little town.
-Its amazing how many letters throughout the years feature fans calling Joel “Joe”.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
-Dr. F: But Resusci, you IS a chick!
-Dr. F: That’s an odd taste.
Crow: Mrs. Carmichael, put that laser down!
Crow: Operator, there’s a naked girl in my pool and she’s nude!
Joel: She makes everything sound so dirty!
Tom: Menopause can feel like a speeding car chase.
Crow: What is this, a Bergman film all of a sudden?
Tom: Its Sunday morning in Hollywood, come on down to Bargain Clown!
Crow: How many times has this happened to you? Dinner, Mr. President? Tonight? Why sure!
Dr. F: Have I told you I have a man up in space? No, literally, I have a man up in space.
Overall:
This is the quintessential B-movie. It has everything: ray guns, skeletons, Bronson Canyon, Harvey B. Dunn, all the way to its bizarre and infamous writer/director Tom Graeff and his lover, David Love aka Derek. Its Manos, but more professional. I think if Manos didn’t exist, this might be MST’s most infamous episode. It just feels right. Its the kind of film MST was made for, and the kind of film they would’ve done in Season 1. Thankfully they didn’t.
Its a great episode. Season 4 keeps ramping up quality and they’ve begun to fire on all cylinders. The host segments are all great, even the non-sequitur General Cinemas bit, which is completely obscure nowadays and the over-written contemplative bit with the skull ship and the Tristar cow. Highly recommended.
Score: A+
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jan 4, 2017 21:45:05 GMT -5
Turns out the reviewer was a lame Styrofoam-headed alien...
Next episode!
405-Being From Another Planet
Movie:
The murkiest, brown-est film ever. Ben Murphy plays an archaeologist/professor who is definitely NOT Indiana Jones. He discovers a mummy in the tomb of King Tut that somehow eluded everyone else. After looting the tomb for the mummy and (presumably) evading Egyptian authorities, he takes it back to his crummy, fictional university The California Institute of the Sciences. Yes, CIS (Go Fightin’ Mummy’s!) whose murky, brown campus is populated entirely by 80’s stock-characters such as The Crusty Old Dean, The Kiss-Up Administrator, The Incompetent No-Nonsense Cop, etc. Plus frumpy, 30-something students who are also all murky and brown.
The mummy turns out to be an alien, who awakens due to a high dose of radiation. In an effort to escape his murky, brown setting he immediately sets about collecting all of the pieces to his communicator/transporter thing and consequently also begins inadvertently killing frumpy coeds with a flesh-eating fungus.
Ben Murphy figures it all out (at the very, very end, after the audience does) and joins the alien/mummy on an interstellar voyage of flesh eating fungi and anal probes.
The Kiss-Up Administrator gets his prerequisite comeuppance.
Shari Belafonte rounds out the cast.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Bots guess the movie via taglines. Segment 1: Tragic Moments Figurines. Jack Palance Masks. Segment 2: Discussing Billy “Bill” Mumy. Segment 3: Tom and Crow’s haunted house. Segment 4: Joel tries to cheer up the bots with fun times and Holo-Clowns. Segment 5: TV’s Frank Shopping Network. Letters.
Things that I noticed:
-Per the title card, which is blue, this episode was filmed (or at least edited) on 4/07/92.
-I’m so glad this episode got released on DVD. The tape-traded version was so muddy and fuzzy that it made the episode unwatchable. And at last we get to see the Tragic Moments Figurines in detail! Plus, I can now see that the Jack Palance masks acually have pictures of Jack Palance on them. The film, however, remains murky and brown.
-Joel’s wearing glasses in the theater.
-There’s a guy in the movie (he makes out with the babysitter) that looks just like Mark Hamill. I’m surprised they don’t mention it.
-That “real brain” is obviously a cauliflower.
-Why are they letting a student nurse try to burn off the fungus with a surgical laser, by herself? This teaching hospital is in for one hell of a lawsuit after the film’s over.
-This is definitely NOT the worst film they’ve ever watched.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
-Dr. F: Others in the collection include: He Raises a Hand in Anger, World’s Deadest Grandma, and Dad’s Liquid Breakfast.
Tom: Trumpy, you can do magic things!
Joel: Its a honey-glazed hand!
Joel: Here’s the Banana Boat Song by a guy I like to call “dad”.
Crow: GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK! YOU SONS OF-!
Crow: It’s an orange-out!
Joel: Quick! Down a completely different hallway!
Overall:
Like with City Limits, this episode seems fairly underrated. But I enjoy it for all the same reasons. But it isn’t quite as good as City Limits, in my opinion. The riffing is a bit flatter and they depend a bit too much on the “green vision is scary!” bit and the “fungus among us” thing. The host segments aren’t particularly good, except for the Invention Exchange, which is great. And the Holo-Clowns are pretty much just setup for a MUCH better sketch in the next episode.
Score: B
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jan 7, 2017 23:09:31 GMT -5
All this review’n plum wore me out!
Next episode!
406-Attack of the Giant Leeches w/Short-The Undersea Kingdom, Episode 1
Short:
A Flash Gordon rip-off (literally, this serial was a direct attempt to cash in on Flash Gordon’s popularity). At the Naval station in Annapolis, Crash Corrigan is a swell guy. Simultaneously a star player for the Navy football team, a full Lieutenant, and an accomplished wrestler, all while being 40 years old in his Senior year. In any case, his prerequisite child sidekick Billy takes him to his prerequisite brilliant scientist friend, who has discovered the location of Atlantis. Atlantis happens to be the least nautical-looking undersea kingdom you could ask for. Its got puffy-hatted kings, horses, Klansmen and a not-so-vaguely racist villain, Unga Khan.
Crash and friends take a submarine down to Atlantis, nothing really happens and the short ends with Crash and Billy seemingly being killed by exploding rocks. Which they aren’t, but dumb audiences of the 30’s wouldn’t know that.
Movie:
Somewhere in the swamp, the usual stable of Roger Corman actors take on Southern accents, lounge around, drink coffee, and get killed by giant Hefty bags posing as leaches. A hunky game warden, Steve, hunts down the leeches that have been killing the oily townsfolk (there doesn’t seem to actually BE much of a town besides a general store and a sheriff’s office) and kills them by blowing up their lake. Subplots include coffee, dynamite and flipping a walnut in a sieve.
Bruno Vesota turns in an Oscar-worthy performance as Dave, the oily, fat, jealous husband.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Revenge of the Holo-Clowns. Segment 1: Leeches as nicotine patches. Insty-Adolescence kit. Segment 2: World Domination costume thought exercise. Segment 3: Coffee talk. Segment 4: We’re a Danger To Ourselves and Others Segment 5: Discussing the leaches intelligence. Letters. Dr. F talks to Patches the leach.
Things that I noticed:
-The Holo-Clown Prologue is superb. Well shot, well written, well performed. Its got everything. Note Holo-Clown 1 quietly luring Gypsy over to the Hexfield while Joel explains the situation.
-When Magic Voice chimes in to complain about the clowns, there’s some audio feedback from somewhere. Like someone gave the lines initially, and then Alex Carr overdubbed them later.
-Tom’s got pink hands this episode.
-During the filming of the episode, NPR taped a segment at BBI. It was replayed in the last year or so, but I can’t find the audio anywhere.
-Joel has a tough time getting the bottle of “mood pills” open in the Invention Exchange.
-Tom’s “freeze all the world’s oceans” gambit from Segment 2 is a callback to 323-The Castle of Fu Manchu.
-In Segment 3, each coffee mug matches each character’s primary color (purple, gold, maroon and bright red).
-Also in Segment 3, there’s a box of Di-Gel on the desk.
-Crow’s got his Billy doll in Segment 4.
-I love the way Tom’s pipe dangles out of his mouth in Segment 4.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
-Holo-Clown 1: What?!?! What are you screaming about! Shut up! You think I like being stuck in limbo with you? Get down on your orange-and-yellow knees and kiss my clown feet that I haven’t killed you!
-Tom: How come they all turned when he said “Dad”?
-Joel: If its the 30’s and you’re interested in world domination, you gotta get gussied-up to beat the band.
Joel: All this sittin’ around plum wore me out!
Tom: Fella named Humbert Humbert wants to see me.
Joel: How dumb are you, Uncle-Dad? Tom: Well, pretty dumb, that’s for sure.
Overall:
A good, not great episode. I’m not hot on The Undersea Kingdom, and judging by the fact that the Brains drop it after the second installment for General Hospital of all things, I don’t think they were, either. I understand using it. Its a goofy, old Flash Gordon rip-off. But...its dull. Its not goofy enough. They try their best riffing it, but it leaves me cold. The movie itself is another Corman quickie, which all have their charms. Though this one is significantly less fun than, say, It Conquered The World or Viking Women. It hardly goes anywhere, nothing really happens, the monsters are barely ever seen. The actors really do give it their all, though. Riffing it is easy and flows well. Though the “underwater” voices grate after awhile. Host segments are good, not super great with the exception of the Prologue and Forrester’s bit at the end of Segment 2.
Score: B-
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jan 9, 2017 21:35:29 GMT -5
Must...finish review...before deadly Shrew venom...kills me...
Next episode!
407-The Killer Shrews w/Short-Junior Rodeo Daredevils
Short:
In some dead-end dust bowl town, Old Timer Billy Slater forces kids of indeterminate relation to put on a Junior Rodeo where minors are put into dangerous situations with live animals, and minimal available first aide. Kids as young as 5 are violently thrown off of horses and cows, all under the watchful, boozy eye of Old Timer Billy Slater.
Movie:
James Best is the smarmy asshole captain of a supply ship that’s making a delivery to a science outpost on a remote island along with his put-upon first mate, Rook. A storm is brewing and they’re going to be stuck on the island for the duration. Unfortunately, the inhabitants (a mad scientist, his daughter, a porky Spanish-speaking housekeeper, a Jack Benny-type, Festus from Gunsmoke and more booze than Dean Martin could handle) have inexplicably been breeding giant, poisonous, man-eating Shrews. You know, for science!
James Best wanders aimlessly through each scene (usually set in a dingy living room) determined not let anything or anyone make him emote or give a tinker’s dam about the goings-on. Eventually, the shrews (a combination of dogs with rugs on them and unconvincing puppets) force our alcoholic heroes to flee in personal makeshift tanks. The end.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Presents! Segment 1: The Mads’ doomsday machine. Edgar Winter Babies. Segment 2: Joel does his Will Rogers. Segment 3: Playing the Killer Shrew Board Game. Segment 4: Making a Killer Shrew. Segment 5: Joel gets attacked by Killer Shrews. Letters. Frank drinks an ipecac.
Things that I noticed:
-In the ACEG and elsewhere, this episode is known as “407-The Killer Shrews”, but on the title card, its “Attack of the Killer Shrews”.
-Per the title card, this episode was shot (or edited) on 5/06/92.
-This episode marks a departure from the normal movie sequence for the show. For the past season and the beginning of this one, its gone: Black&White/Color/Black&White/Color, etc. And if the cycle is broken, its usually 2 color films in a row. This is the first time two Black&White movies have been shown back-to-back since 319/320.
-Note the voice in the background of the Mads’ Invention saying “All non-essential personell, please clear the area.” Not sure who’s saying it. Possibly Mike, but it sounds a bit more like Paul.
-The audio in the film is terrible. As such, I’m only able to pick up about 40% of the plot.
-I’ve seen someone make a Killer Shrew drink before. Do not attempt to make a Killer Shrew. Under no circumstances should you drink a Killer Shrew.
-Its bizarre seeing the old Mr. Pibb logo in Segment 4.
-Those are Joel’s actual glasses in Segment 5, as can be seen in behind-the-scenes footage.
-I’m still not sure what the infatuation with Jim Henson’s Muppet Babies was about. There’s a string of 5 or so episodes in Season 4 with a variation of the joke. Someone (probably Frank) was obsessed.
Favorite riffs or quotes:[/u]
-Crow: When you come right down to it, this whole Rodeo is just another excuse to climb inside a whiskey bottle.
-Joel: Fortunately, Johnny didn’t need his spine.
-Joel: Flesh in man’s drink?
-Tom: We’re having a tobacco salad with a light gin dressing.
-Joel: Quick! Everyone light your martinis!
-Joel: There’s a Muppet under the stairs! -Joel: Honey, I think we got puppets downs here! Crow: Hand puppets? Joel: Yeah, they’re under the stairs, so I don’t think they’re marionettes.
Overall:
An underrated episode, but somewhat forgettable. Kind of in direct dichotomy to the prior episode. The characters aren’t interesting. The locales aren’t interesting. The monsters are fun, though. Kind of an inverse of Giant Leaches. But the short in this episode lends to riffing better than Undersea Kingdom did. And the host segments are a bit better here, but with no stand-out like with the Holo-Clowns. Riffing is solid throughout, solid but not spectacular. I’m going to call this one a draw with Giant Leaches. A good, solid, middle of the road episode.
Score: B-
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jan 10, 2017 21:23:21 GMT -5
I’m so sleepy, I can barely keep reviewing.
Next episode!
408-Hercules Unchained
Movie:
In the sequel to a movie we shouldn’t have seen yet, Hercules, his wife Iole and a young Ulysses travel to Herc’s hometown, Thebes. They’re seen off by a trio of characters from the last movie that are quickly forgotten. In Thebes, two brothers are feuding over the throne, and Herc gets caught in the middle. On his way to deliver an important message between the brothers, Herc gets hopelessly sidetracked and cheats on his wife with a creepy Queen. This is not the first nor last time this will happen in these movies. In any case, he has amnesia, so I guess it doesn’t count. While Herc screws around, his wife is trapped by one of the unstable brothers in Thebes and war is imminent. Thankfully, due to some plot crap, Herc’s comrades from the first film show up and rescue him from Creepy Queen. Herc and friends show back up in Thebes just in time to see film’s plot comes to its conclusion, the two brothers kill each other, the film becomes an epic for all of 3 minutes, and the film ends with Herc having some explaining to do to his wife.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Wash and Wax Day! Segment 1: Swatch Roaches. Steve Reeves. The Steve-O-Meter Segment 2: Tom and Crow live the Greek lifestyle. Gypsy puts on a solo. Segment 3: Trying other foods in the same ballpark as the Waters of Forgetfulness. Segment 4: Tom and Crow try to get Joel to explain what Herc and the Queen are doing. Segment 5: Joel and the bots have an in-depth discussion about post-war cinema.
Things that I noticed:
-That wash/wax machine in the Prologue is a neat, big prop. Its even got an indicator light saying which mode its in. Wonder what its made of.
-Magic Voice rats out Crow in the Prologue.
-I wonder why they couldn’t get the original Hercules in Season 4? They know that this is a sequel, must’ve bugged them that they couldn’t get the original at first.
-Interesting choice to have the characters from the original movie show up in the first scene and then leave (to appear briefly later), that would be kind of disorienting if you haven’t seen the first movie, like most MSTies before 502 aired.
-Crow’s legs in Segment 2!
-The Gypsy puppet sure can take a beating.
-The song Tom and Crow are singing at the beginning of Segment 2 is from an old episode of Star Trek.
-Is it a prerequisite that every movie made before 1970 had to have a horribly long dance or music sequence? In this film, its right after the queen abducts Herc.
-In Segment 4, Joel is reading (and highlighting passages from) William Shatner’s “TekLords”, the sequel to his novel “TekWar”. Joel quickly hides the book when Tom and Crow enter. This is the second time Tom and Crow come upon Joel indulging his inner Trekkie. They found his copies of “TekWar” and “I Am Not Spock” in 304-Gamera vs. Barugon.
Favorite riffs or quotes:[/u]
-Crow: Stop feeding my bride!
-Crow: Help me, Spock! Help me!
-Crow: Ah, the chicken dance. Very nice.
-Tom: And now a journey through the lymph nodes. Joel: You mean “nymph loads”.
-Joel: He’s got Batman Underoos on!
-Joel: Hercules is the nice lady’s live-in dentist.
Overall:
I’m going to be frank. I don’t like the Hercules episodes very much. The Sword&Sandles films are my least favorite. Mostly because they’re all the same movie. Herc throws a table. Herc gets drugged and falls asleep. Herc wrestles a tiger. Herc cheats on his wife. Herc throws a statue. Herc holds two walls apart to keep from crushing himself. Every. Single. Time. And this is the best Hercules episode. There’s JUST enough variety in this one to keep my interest. Its all downhill from here.
The riffing on this one is great. I’ll give it that. A LOT of riffing. And its all high quality. Some of the most dense riffing in Season 4, behind Day The Earth Froze.
The host segments are a bit weak, though. I like the Prologue, and Gypsy’s song is cute, but the Inventions fall flat, Mike’s Steve Reeves is a big “so what”, Segments 3 & 4 are completely forgettable, and Segment 5 is too long and over-written, but Servo’s outburst is funny (it just took too long to get there).
Its a solid, strong B+ episode. It may very well be better, (its Jim Mallon’s favorite and Joel’s 2nd favorite episode) but I’m biased against the Hercules films.
Score: B+
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Post by Diet Kolos on Jan 31, 2017 21:47:04 GMT -5
If I were indestructible, I’d review much more often.
Next episode!
409-The Indestructible Man w/Short-The Undersea Kingdom, Episode 2
Short:
In the second part of this serial, Crash and Billy survive the previous episode’s cliffhanger thanks to the editor. Hundreds of similar-looking guys run around and chase other similar-looking guys. Little Billy screeches like a fishwife, and nothing actually happens. We’re left with another cliffhanger, but its never resolved, as this is the last Undersea Kingdom episode shown. Hooray!
Movie:
Lon Cheney, Jr. (who looks like he’s absolutely stinking of booze), is a convict on death row, who's known as “The Butcher”. He’s there for an armored car robbery, not murder, which doesn’t make any sense, but they’ve got to get the plot going. Lon meets the electric chair and dies, naturally. I’m assuming he burst into flame from being soaked in gin. A mad scientist absconds with his body and reanimates him, burning out his vocal cords in the process (this wasn’t originally in the script, but Lon was such a hopeless alcoholic that not having him need to remember lines made more sense than the alternative) and also conveniently making him virtually indestructible (with major caveats, as we’ll find out). Lon goes on the standard rampage, killing the doctor and his assistant and sets out for revenge on his lawyer and criminal buddies that ratted him out.
There’s a detective, Dick Chasen (yes, really), that is obsessed with the Butcher case. He doesn’t do much to that end except flirt with The Butcher’s ex, Eva, who ends up doing more police work than he does.
Lon is eventually cornered in the sewers, takes a grenade to the gut and several flamethrowers-worth of abuse, but manages to stumble away, only to accidentally electrocute himself.
Dick gets gets Eva fired from her job and engages her without her consent. The end.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Bots switch their voices around. Segment 1: The Mads invent “something” for men (but the ladies like it, too!), Cereal Novels. Segment 2: Undersea Kingdom parade. Segment 3: Joel discusses pain. Indestructible fantasies. Segment 4: Joel tries to emulate Lon Cheney’s eyebags. Segment 5: Cop/donut jokes. Cops visit the Mads.
Things that I noticed:
-The background music in Deep 13 was first used during the Ape fashion show in 306-Time of the Apes.
-The actor playing the detective in this film is Casey Adams, aka, Max Showalter. Casey Adams was not the foppish dad in Catalina Caper, that was Del Moore. This is probably the worst instance of the Brains being willfully ignorant for the sake of a joke. And its not like they wouldn’t have known, they’ve clearly reverenced Video Watchdog, the Psychotronic Film Guide, and Leonard Maltin’s books previously, so all correct info was at their disposal. If I had to posit a theory, Frank was obsessed with Catalina Caper and convinced the other Brains of the connection so he could do the “You got me!” line.
-Lon Chaney, Jr. is in both the short and the movie. The only time that happens.
-This is the last episode of Undersea Kingdom on MST3K. You can’t blame the Brains for trying, and the second installment gets riffed better than the first, but its just so stale. The Phantom Creeps had more action.
-This is the first episode with the “Switch - Jimmy Smitts” joke.
-Segment 4 might very well be the closest we’re going to get to Joel’s face.
-Segment 4 ends with Tom and Crow doing a bit from Sidehackers, which they watched 2 years prior, which would be entirely inexplicable if you’ve never seen that episode.
Favorite riffs or quotes:[/u]
-Tom: How’d they get off the cock-a-doodie cliff? This is wrong!
-Crow: Billy looks like William Frawley.
-Joel: Perhaps you should get back to acting on the stage, gramps.
-Crow: Sounds like the soundtrack is drunk.
-Crow: I’m just going to step into this doorway here...
-Tom: Old man liver.
-Tom: Hey Lon, could you pretend you got the D.T.’s?
-Joel: This has all the suspense of a Brian De Palma version of a Hitchcock movie.
-Mike: Kevin here is Irish, but me, I’m Danish. Frank: HAHAHA! Mike: I don’t like you.
Overall:
This episode is pure sleep-inducing coziness. And I mean that in the best way. Riffing is on auto-pilot at this point. Its not necessarily “great”, but its steady and even throughout. The movie is monotone and moves at an even pace. The short is dull and lazy. Its a sedative in episode form, at least for me. I fell asleep at least twice while trying to review it. But not from boredom. It just gently lulls me to sleep. And it has for years.
I can understand why they stuck with Undersea Kingdom up to this point, but they wisely drop it after this episode. Like I said, everything is on auto-pilot for this episode: riffing and host segments. They’ve fully reached that Season 4 plateau of quality and will rest on their laurels for awhile.
Its...good. Not great. Not entirely notable. Not boring, or bad. Just “good”.
Score: B
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Post by Diet Kolos on Feb 15, 2017 23:27:23 GMT -5
I’ll review this episode, even if it costs you my life.
Next episode!
410-Hercules Against The Moon Men
Movie:
Hercules (née Maciste) arrives in some mythical, non-historical kingdom, Samara, ruled by an evil queen, Samara (how convenient). She’s in cahoots with Moon Men (from the Moon, now on Earth for some reason), who require human sacrifices at regular intervals.
And its more like “Moon man”, as we only ever see one speaking Moon person, plus all of his rocky minions. I don’t know if they count as Moon men. But I digress.
Hercules joins up with the resistance, escapes the prerequisite “strong guy” traps (you know: bending bars, holding two walls with spikes apart, etc), drinks the prerequisite love potion supplied by the prerequisite evil queen, and falls asleep (which is also a prerequisite). Having checked off all those necessary Hercules boxes, the movie decides to do something different from its peers and spends a full 15 minutes on a sandstorm sequence to pad out the film.
Hercules prerequisitely wises up at the end of the film, throws some statues around, and somehow saves the world using his own brand of blunt force problem solving.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Tom and Crow run away. Segment 1: The bots come back. The Mads tease “DEEP HURTING”. Freak Out and Super Freak Out. Frank freaks out. Segment 2: The Booby Trap Illusion. Segment 3: The bots get new arms and tough guy names. Segment 4: A musical tribute to pants. Segment 5: Letter. Crow gets punished. Frank gets some Deep Hurting.
Things that I noticed:
-Joel’s terrible goatee, not seen since Season 2, is back!
-Joel’s mug in the Prologue looks somewhat similar in shape to the “raktajino mug” used extensively on Deep Space Nine.
-Crow’s nap-sack in Segment 1 contains a can of Pam, King Oscar Fish Balls, canned beets and Pik-Nik shoestring potatoes.
-Joel’s wearing glasses in the theater.
-This isn’t actually a Hercules movie. The main character is Maciste (as seen in Colossus and the Headhunters), but the name was changed for American audiences.
-The whole film seems to have a green tint to it.
-Alan Steele, while not the best actor, fights a whole heckuva lot better than Steve Reeves. Much faster, more fluid motions. Its actually entertaining to see him take down a crowd of guards, he REALLY goes all in. Steve Reeves looked stiff and awkward by comparison.
Favorite riffs or quotes:[/u]
-Dr. Forrester: I’m a scientist. I don’t think, I observe.
-Frank: I AM the button!
-Joel: You got change for an 8 year old?
-Crow: Not that way, R2. You’ll be breaking down in no time.
-Joel: It looks like they’re on a Doctor Who set.
-Tom: I think this movie’s equipped with airbags.
-Tom: Can you have a Platonic relationship before Plato?
-Crow: Looks like someone got beer on the film.
-Tom: Hi. I’m a chocolate bar. Break off bits of me and enjoy me all day.
Overall:
I hadn’t watched this episode in awhile. I had higher hopes for this episode. But then I remembered the sandstorm bit. Its certainly not as bad as the Brains make it out to be, but it certainly kills all riffing momentum two-thirds of the way into the film. The film is stock Hercules crap, plus the sandstorm stuff. Ho-hum.
The sketches are cute, but not all that great. The wall of knives sketch goes on too long (by design, but still). The Pants song is cute. Freak out is cute. Its all cute. Cute but forgettable. Riffing is, again, on auto-pilot. Dense, but nothing remarkable, except for the Sandstorm riffs, which are too sparse for my liking.
A decent-to-middling episode. An unqualified success.
Score: C
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Post by Diet Kolos on Feb 20, 2017 21:44:10 GMT -5
Don’t kid yourself, I’ve been reviewing here for seven years.
Next episode!
411-The Magic Sword
Movie:
The guy from that one Star Trek episode and 2001 (Gary Lockwood!) stars as 20 year old orphan (of royal lineage) who now uses his foster-mother’s (Estelle Winwood!) magic to stalk the local princess. Unfortunately for him, she’s absconded with by a villainous, fey sorcerer, Lodac (Basil Rathbone!). The oily Sir Branton (a bad 60’s character actor!), in a naked ploy to marry the princess, pledges to go rescue her.
Gary Lockwood throws a hissy fit, locks Estelle Winwood in the basement, steals his inheritance (a horse, armor and the titular sword) a year early, makes 6 new friends, goes on a quest, loses 6 new friends, kills the world’s worst dragon, and stumbles ass-backwards into saving the princess thanks to some helpful plot contrivances.
Estelle Winwood turns into a panther and mauls Basil Rathbone to death. Never thought you’d read THAT sentence, did you?
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel is a caricature artist. Segment 1: Big-Gulp Berets. Bio-Hazard Throw Pillows. Segment 2: Basil Rathbone’s. Segment 3: Joel tries to put on a light-hearted play about the Middle Ages. Tom is a party-pooper. Segment 4: Crow declares his love for Estelle Winwood. Segment 5: Seven dirty words you can’t say on TV, Frank succumbs to the bio-hazards.
Things that I noticed:
-The title card says that this episode finished editing on 7/6/92.
-In the Prologue, the tips of Crow’s web are unpainted and red, Tom has some missing paint around his head.
-Nowadays, “whisper-thin, musky bohemian-types” would simply be called “hipsters”.
-This episode may have the most Star Trek references of any episode.
-No one in the film seems to know how to pronounce the bad knight’s name. Some say “Brandon”, others say “Frampton”. Its actually “Branton”.
-In episode 523-Village of the Giants, Tom remarks that even though Bert I. Gordon understood the 50’s, he just didn’t GET the 60’s. And that might’ve been true for contemporary subjects, but this 1962 color fantasy epic seems to be right in his BIG wheelhouse.
Favorite riffs or quotes:
-Crow: A caricaturist makes anyone he draws look like Jack Soo.
-Crow: Is a woman who hangs out with hags a Hag Hag?
-Tom: She’s stuck, hit her on the side of the head.
-Joel: Open the podbay doors, HAL.
-Joel: She looks like Ronald McDonald.
-Branton: Mount your horses, gentlemen. Crow: We’re not THAT lonely.
-Tom: Tonight on Lucy’s Crypt! Crow: Agh! Ricky! Welcome to the crypt, I’ve been LURKING for you!
-Crow: Tonight on My Weird Body.
-Joel: Double secret magic.
Overall:
A great episode. Like First Spaceship on Venus, this movie is actually pretty good. They even comment on it during the movie. It may even be the best film they ever watched. Its bright, colorful, well-paced, well acted, lots of different set-pieces, just fun to watch. This is a “watchable” movie, as opposed to Space Travelers (aka, Marooned) which is a “respectable” movie. The difference being that while both have bigger budgets and known stars, only one is good riffing fodder. And boy-oh-boy does this movie deliver.
Lots of riffs, not too many repeat riffs. They’re having fun with it, and its shows. Host segments are ok-to-great. The standouts being Segments 3 and 4. Segment 3 being almost a callback to the long, painstakingly over-written sketches from Season 2, without overdoing it. Segment 4 is a musical treat, even if Crow’s Estelle infatuation doesn’t have the lasting power of Kim Cattrall.
Great episode. Best since 404-Teenagers From Outer Space.
Score: A
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