Doc Steve's Season One Reviews (Reposted)

[docsteve]

EPISODE 101 - THE CRAWLING EYE

David’s Notes on the Cast:

The Swiss-German scientist was played by English actor Warren Mitchell, who also played J.J. “One Hundred Percent” Hubbard in Moon Zero Two (ep #111). Mitchell had a recurring role on The Avengers as Brodny, the Soviet ambassador to England. As you may have guessed, there isn't much difference between Mitchell's “Russian” and “German” accents.

David’s Review:

The Crawling Eye is one of the better early episodes (ep #101-108) from Season 1. Really, there's not a whole lot else to say about it. I’m a fan of TV westerns and John Wayne movies, so Forrest Tucker as a hero was kind of campy, I suppose. (Tucker normally played villains, second bananas, or even the dreaded third banana henchman.) Unlike most S1 episodes, I first saw this in 1992, because it was re-aired several times. The first show has decent replay value; some of the riffs are every bit as good as material from S 2-10.

The actual movie, The Crawling Eye, could have become a minor cult flick with better execution. It isn't flawed in concept: a rarity for MSTed movies. (The Rebel Set and First Spaceship on Venus also come to mind.) Very little actually happens (at least on-screen), but the director understood mood much better than your typical hack, so it's bearable. By casting someone in the romantic lead, you know, actually capable of opening a movie (as opposed to Forrest Tucker), this picture may have escaped the attention of J&tB. Tucker is no Lance Fuller, but hey, who is?

The very first episode introduced two of my favorite MST3K/bad movie archetypes: Bland Scientist (Tucker) and X-Treme Scientist (Mitchell). Bland Scientist is something like Scully in The X-Files. Until the monster appears in broad daylight, hands the scientist videotape of its activities, and provides a blood sample (or a reasonable facsimile thereof), Bland Scientist cannot accept the possibility that there isn't a “rational explanation” for all these goings-on. X-Treme Scientist, not to be confused with its final stage, the “Mad” Scientist, is the exact opposite. He or she wants to declare martial law and harness the combined might of Industry, Science, and Technology to ruthlessly NIP IT IN THE BUD! Bland Scientist is often just a pawn in the game of exposition, or he may hang around to impart pearls of wisdom such as “a wounded animal that large isn't good” or that the heart “is made up of a single cell, for all practical purposes.” X-Treme Scientist is more likely to be the film's protagonist; in this movie, the typical roles are reversed, with Bland Scientist as hero and X-Treme Scientist as comic relief.

David’s Rating: 2.5 (TWO AND ONE HALF CROWS)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Hans (barkeep of the Hotel Europa): “It’s not for me!”

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EPISODE 102 - THE ROBOT vs. THE AZTEC MUMMY
(b/w COMMANDO CODY 1)

David’s Review:

Generally, the serial-based shorts didn’t work at all, and Commando Cody vs. The Radar Men from the Moon is now introduced as Plaintiff’s Exhibits A through I. I understand that the whole point of a serial is that things “almost happen,” rather than “actually happening.” Still, Commando Cody is dull, tedious fare. Other than the “cliffhanger” non-event, nothing ever happens. The “standing around, ramrod straight” blocking technique is employed. Stupid people have stupid, repetitive conversations that have little, if anything, to do with Cody being saved by the editing. I believe that the source material matters more to the success of a particular ep than the host, etc. Commando Cody just isn’t right for the show, and it doesn’t wear well at all. In all fairness, the first chapter is actually quite funny, but J&tB clearly get tired of Cody after a while (nine chapters?).

I apologize for that negative review, but it gets worse. As in, this movie and episode are very, very bad. I should have added a few thousand extra very's there, but I am too lazy. How bad is this movie? I actually caught myself thinking, “Ya know, the guy that directed Samson vs. The Vampire Women would have done better with this material.” At that point, I stopped the VCR and read a book until the world made sense again.

The movie is so awful, so static, so packed with torturous flashbacks to anticlimactic duds, that I seriously think it must be dubbed incorrectly. There HAS to be more meat there in the Spanish version of the movie. Over the years, I have come to suspect that the framing device of meeting with the other scientists in the Almada home was added for the American version, and the original Mexican version was probably presented in linear form. I have no real evidence, but I trust my hunch.

Frankly, the riffing and host segments are the worst ever aired. I hate Sci-Fi era host segments much more than Don, Forrest, or Josh, so that’s a pretty harsh verdict. The best riffs play on a character’s vague resemblance to Floyd the barber from The Andy Griffith Show. (“Vague resemblance” is charitable; the character wears horn-rimmed glasses and a bow tie.) I tend to agree with Josh, but I don’t think that the movie made the best grist for the mill. Absolutely nothing happens in this movie until the last reel, and it isn’t worth the wait. This type of movie was always a huge risk, even late in the show’s run. Would anyone watch Radar Secret Service if it didn’t have one of the best short/host segment combos?

Dr. Krupp, aka “The Bat” is the first Mad Scientist on the show, apart from Clay and Larry. He barely qualifies, since he seems to want the loot more than the loftier glories of raising and invisible army or breeding a “rice of peeples.” Sure, the Bat pays some lip service to creating a robot army, but we all know his heart isn’t in it. His robot is more or less a cyborg waitron unit.

David’s Rating: 0.5 (ONE HALF CROW) I considered zero, but it is still MST3K. There are some funny bits, but they are few and far between. (Short = 2.5, Film = 0.5)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Dr. Almada to the Bat: “You’re completely mad, and ignorant also!”

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EPISODE 103 - MAD MONSTER (b/w COMMANDO CODY 2)

David’s Review:

This episode features one of the better Commando Cody chapters. I think J&tB still had some genuine enthusiasm for the serial at this point.

After The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy, Mad Monster seems like a breath of fresh air. It isn’t. It’s your typical early Season 1 episode. You see the potential for the show, and it is pretty funny. Compared to later episodes, it’s nothing to get too excited about. To be fair, Mad Monster is another triumph of non-action, implied action, and off-screen action, so it wouldn’t have been a top episode no matter when it was made.

According to “Daddy-Os Drive-In Dirt,” this is tied for the oldest movie to be MSTed (1942). I was genuinely shocked. Technically, this movie is quite poor and behind the technological curve for 1942. I always assumed that this was a very early sound film (1929-1931). I feel like some great riffs on “talkies” were missed here. It’s one of those movies like the Marx Brothers’ The Cocoanuts (1929): the audience can tell where the single microphone was hidden from the sound quality. By the time Mad Monster was made, this was a major warning sign of an el-cheapo production, by the way. If I later find out that this movie sat on a shelf for several years before it’s release (escape?), this would make more sense to me.

In general, Mad Monster is more dated and cheap than truly awful. Most of the people involved in this did do at least some good work in their careers (except Newfield or Neufeld, or whatever he called himself in this one). The film is almost interesting in a historical way. Every single bad movie cliche and shallow characterization is already firmly established in 1942. Just to check off a few: 1) “Mad” Scientist; 2) “Rice of Peeples;” 3) Stodgy community of Bland Scientists; 4) Pseudo-science employed to create a traditional supernatural monster, etc, etc, etc. The backwoods family, complete with a Shirley Temple clone, is more of a staple of 1930s films also, come to think of it.

David’s Rating: 2.0 (TWO CROWS) The riffing is very sparse, but mostly funny, at least compared to the previous ep. (Short = 2.0, Film = 2.0)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Pedro: “I don’t feel so good, Miss Lenora.”

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EPISODE 104 - WOMEN OF THE PREHISTORIC PLANET

David’s Notes on the Cast:

Women of the Prehistoric Planet is a major weapon for the next time you play “Six Degrees of Separation.” Sam from Quincy, Captain Stubing, Angel, and Hey Boy all make an appearance. Kam Tong, who played the Centaurian Elder character, was the preeminent Asian character actor in early American television. He played Hey Boy in Have Gun-Will Travel, who worked at Paladin’s hotel; Tong also had a lead role on the short-lived dramatic series The Garlund Touch. After Kam Tong died, Robert Ito (Tang) generally got these kinds of parts for most of the 1970s. John Agar has a small part in this movie, but he does not disappoint. Agar’s limited screen time is dominated by his patented formula of incessant, moralistic droning.

David’s Review:

As ACEG explains (p. 17), this episode was actually the last S1 episode to be MSTed. Not knowing this at the time, I was surprised by the quantum leap in quality when I first saw this on tape. In retrospect, the lack of Commando Cody should have tipped me off that something unusual was happening. In brief, this is the best S1 ep. I could also make arguments for The Black Scorpion (#113) and Robot Monster (#107). At any rate, WotPP feels more like a S2 episode.

WotPP is a perfect MST3K movie. Ridiculous people do ridiculous things in glorious color. Agar goes on for a bit about our “true selves.” A cast member (in the movie, not in the theater) is visibly intoxicated, make that “tanked.” Gilbert, the comic relief engineer, is a sort of “Monkey Boy” prototype. (ACEG confuses him with Wendell Corey, the drunk one.) The movie has delusions of adequacy, perhaps even aspirations above mediocrity. Of course, it fails miserably; otherwise, it wouldn’t be on our favorite puppet show.

As Don pointed out, WotPP has no prehistoric women. Irene Tsu as Linda is sort of mod, in fact. Ms. Tsu has the distinction of being the first Official MST3K Babe (sticking with the #104 approach, otherwise she is fourth, or something). She also introduces the Rhino DVD version of this episode, and she is as lovely and charming as ever. Most female characters in truly bad movies are absolute doormats and/or window dressing. Linda is actually a strong character (most of the time). This initially surprised me, and it came through even more during subsequent viewings. Ito and Tsu do a credible job with this train wreck of a script. Unfortunately, most of the veterans (i.e. the rest of the cast) are obviously phoning it in on this one.

I actually still enjoy the “Literary Doomsday Machine” host segments, as I am no Asimov fan.

David’s Rating: 4.0 (FOUR CROWS) With Kevin’s voice, this could pass for a later ep.

David’s Suggested Stinger = Comic Relief Stooge: “HI-KEEBA!” Since that’s almost too easy. I also nominate Wendell Corey’s final, outlandishly pretentious line. (I don’t want to spoil the “surprise” ending.)

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EPISODE 105 - THE CORPSE VANISHES (b/w COMMANDO CODY 3)

David’s Notes on the Cast:

Since there are only a few dwarfs and midgets that work in the film industry, Toby (Angelo Rossitto) should look familiar to most bad movie/cult movie fans. He has appeared in dozens of films, most notably Tod Browning’s classic Freaks (1932). If Lugosi needs an introduction, all I can say is “SLEEEEPPP!!!”

David’s Review:

J&tB haven’t run out of ideas for Cody...yet.

It’s impossible not to compare this episode, both the movie and riffing, to Mad Monster (#103). Before writing these reviews, I consulted “Daddy-Os Drive-In Dirt” for cast information, which informed me that The Corpse Vanishes was also released in 1942. I was somewhat surprised, as I had always assumed something more like the 1930s, as with Mad Monster. This movie was already incredibly dated and trite from day one. Like Mad Monster, the production and technical aspects of this film are about a decade behind the times (back when that MEANT something, dadgummit!).

As Don mentions, this movie is “Routine # 37.” Mad Scientist has secret to eternal youth, which actually don’t work so good, boss. Due to this fact, Mad Scientist goes through human guinea pigs (or unwilling organ donors in some variants) like Lays potato chips. Following the sage advice of Confucius, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” the Mad Scientist makes sure that plenty of innocent bystanders/subjects are on hand to decipher his nefarious plans. Being decent sorts, they eventually put a stop to the shenanigans and goings-on. I’m afraid to count how many MiSTed movies use this basic plot. (Seriously, I’m not going to do it, but feel free to share your answer with the rest of the class.)

The movie does have Lugosi, which is good for a few top-notch riffs. The female reporter character and her “stooge” are also good for a few laughs. This character, Luana Walters as Pat Hunter, is a total rip-off of Rosalind Russell’s character in His Girl Friday (1940), down to some of Russell’s inflections and mannerisms. (Shame on you, Luana!) Pat Hunter has been an enigma to me over the years. Part of you wants to like her; she is a strong personality and a potentially interesting character. However, the filmmakers forgot to give her interesting things to do and say, which makes her annoying and obsessed, rather than dedicated and persistent.

The host segments are imminently forgettable. As in, I forgot what I wanted to say about them.

David’s Rating: 2.5 (TWO AND ONE HALF CROWS) (Short = 1.5, Film = 2.5)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Pat Hunter: “You’ll see, STOOGE!”

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EPISODE 106 - THE CRAWLING HAND

David’s Notes on the Cast:

Smoking Guy (aka Dr. Steve Curran, another Steve!) was played by Peter Breck. (See Doc Steve's avatar for the eye candy.) Apparently, Breck was typecast as a “troubled teen,” early in his career (see: The Beatniks). Breck plays Kurt Sprague, the title character in Have Gun-Will Travel ep #45, “The Protege.” Breck is very convincing as the bullied teen that Paladin teaches to shoot. Sprague transmogrifies into a bully himself, then a gunfighter, and finally a stone-cold killer. Surprisingly (well, not really), virtually everyone involved in The Crawling Eye worked on at least one other MSTed film.

David’s Review:

Don really nailed this one, and I don’t have much to add, except for perhaps an explanation.

I assume that The Crawling Eye is in the public domain. (“Daddy-O’s Drive-In Dirt” doesn’t specify.) If they are paying rights fees, I really don’t understand Rhino’s choice, at all. Even so, a significant amount of people must have voted for this in the Rhino poll. Why? Some of the MST3K semi-regulars first appear in this episode: Richard Arlen, Allison Hayes, and Alan Hale, Jr. This is the only rational explanation that I can offer, and I am somewhat sympathetic. When Comedy Central would do a “viewer’s choice” promotion, The Crawling Eye always made a strong showing for S1; go figure. This is a very typical, ho-hum S1 ep.

The movie is so inept that it can’t even keep the Bland Scientist (Arlen) and X-Treme Scientist (Breck) roles straight. Bland Scientist ends up being the real instigator and “intelligence” (sic) behind the NASA G-Man investigation. Since I refuse to give the writers or director credit for any creativity whatsoever, I must assume that they couldn’t even get bad movie cliches right.

Since #104, Women of the Prehistoric Planet, is really episode #114, or #113B, or whatever, this makes Marta (Sirry Steffen) our first MST3K Babe. Since I didn’t explain this earlier, I will expand now. Bad movies usually have female characters that are supposed to be attractive, desirable, talented, interesting, etc. Often, they are played by women who can neither act, nor are they really that easy on the eyes (i.e. Hobgoblins and The Slime People). Over time, I have identified a few MST3K Babes: women, who quite frankly, seem a bit above the proceedings. You know, women who are too attractive and talented to be in these crappy movies. For example, Marta is supposed to be ready to marry the dim and dorky Paul, and she was played by a former Miss Iceland! Maybe I’m shallow, but I ain’t buying it.

The host segments are above average for S1; everyone likes the Shatner bit (the first time).

David’s Rating: 2.5 (TWO AND ONE HALF CROWS) The presence of MST3K lifers and absence of Commando Cody’s antics eke out an extra half Crow.

David’s Suggested Stinger = Grifting Paramedic: “Dames like her always keep beer around.”

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EPISODE 107 - ROBOT MONSTER (b/w COMMANDO CODY 4 & 5)

David’s Review:

By this point, I am as sick of Cody as J&tB seem to be. The host segments based on the serial are always funny, thank God.

First, I would have to agree with Josh that this is a perfect MST3K movie. However, I don’t rate it quite as highly. I would love to see what Frank would have done with this madness. I find the riffing in Women of the Prehistoric Planet (#104) and The Black Scorpion (#113) much more entertaining overall. Robot Monster is incredibly funny, so don’t misunderstand me. Some of the individual lines are the best of S1. At times, the riffing slows down to a crawl, however. The writing process must have been different in early S1, because there are times when I feel like J&tB are caught up in deciphering this bizarre mish-mash of celluloid. (In other words, it seems like it might only be the third or fourth time they are watching the movie.) The accepted explanation for the sparse riffs in S1, as compared to later Seasons, is the small writing staff. I don’t doubt that this played a huge role, but I would argue that the process of writing for the show also improved over time.

Robot Monster deserves serious consideration for worst movie of all time. (Yes Virginia, it’s much worse than Manos: The Hands of Fate or even Highlander II). It truly defies description, and I am glad that I don’t have to provide a synopsis! The movie alone, plus some host segments, could almost carry an episode. The contrived “surprise” ending is reminiscent of Monster-A-Go-Go (#421).

The host segments are hysterical; the round-table on surrealism is a classic. The Ro-Man College Fund presentation and the Mads’ reactions get some of the biggest laughs from S1.

David’s Rating: 3.5 (THREE AND ONE HALF CROWS) Two blah chapters of Commando Cody drag this one down a bit. (Shorts = 1.0, Film = 4.0)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Ro-Man: “To live like the Hu-Man, to BE a Hu-Man!”

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EPISODE 108 - THE SLIME PEOPLE (b/w COMMANDO CODY 6)

David’s Review:

Part Six has one the best individual riffs of the Commando Cody series: the “I’m a little fuzzy rabbit” routine. To me, the funniest part is the plot itself: Graber, who can’t manage a clean get-away from an oil change in Pts. 7-8, somehow manages to pull off the entire atom bomb/extinct volcano conspiracy. The “Trial of Cody” host segment insures that those involved receive their just desserts.

This is a sub-par episode with some flaws. In ACEG, Mike explains that they wish they could have done this one with a full writing staff, calling it a “perfect movie” for the show (p. 12). I wouldn’t go that far, but The Slime People did have plenty of riffing potential: 1) Goofy, fake-looking monsters with no particular powers with which to conquer; 2) Unappealing, stereotypical characters played by unappealing stereotypes; 3) A “potential psycho” (aka Tolliver the Goat Man); 4) Mandatory Bland Scientist; 5) Implausible pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo; 6) Crass and pathetic attempts at being “hip,” baby. I suspect that this movie was actually produced by the L.A. tv station featured so prominently.

Beginning with the next episode, Project Moonbase, the riffing pace begins to pick up, and each following episode will be better than its predecessor. (Unfortunately, Moon Zero Two is the exception that proves the rule.) At any rate, I have given The Slime People numerous opportunities to win me over, but it has spurned my overtures. In fact, I watched it again a few hours ago, because it just isn’t that memorable. Again, it’s MST3K; it’s funny. However, they’ve done better, much better. There are some funny riffs, but there are still long pauses and a lot of throwaway observational humor. Obvious riffing opportunities are ignored, like long passages of cheesy music or the Bland Scientist’s entire interrogation of Fabian, while J&tB sit in complete silence.

Concrete Example: The Scene at KTLA. This is your typical bad movie scene, the mandatory exposition/experiment in padding bit. The characters review the tv station’s tapes for “clues.” In the next episode, J&tB rip this sort of thing up, and the scene is hilarious. Here, J&tB sit through five minutes of “tv footage” and deliver about twenty lines, if that. In all fairness, dozens of MSTed movies have similar scenes that make better source material (the “News Stud” from Gamera comes to mind immediately). Still, this one feels like regression to the very first eps.

The host segments are strong, oddly enough. The dissection of the film’s loose ends and the gullibility of humans is great; it leads to a tv show pitch from the ’bots (too funny to spoil).

David’s Rating: 2.0 (TWO CROWS) (Short = 2.0, Film = 2.0)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Fabian/Soldier Character (“Cal Johnson”): “Gee whiz! As long as you’re sittin’ here, I don’t even want to think about slime people!”

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EPISODE 109 - PROJECT MOONBASE
(b/w COMMANDO CODY 7 & 8)

David’s Notes on the Cast:

In the 1950s and 1960s, there was no shortage of work for actors who could ride a horse. Larry Johns (Dr. Wehrner, the Dirty Commie Saboteur) could apparently ride a horse, even if he really wasn’t an “actor” in the strictest sense. I recall him playing a third-banana heavy several times in tv Westerns. He also had small parts in B Westerns. Johns rarely had lines.

David’s Review:

Parts Seven and Eight of the Cody serial are as weak as Eddie Deezen. The “Batman” shtick saves Pt. 7, but Pt. 8 is pure filler. Cody and pals even land in “that same canyon” on the moon; it’s “only a scouting trip.” (Those were actual lines from the serial. Way to build suspense, kid!)

Project Moonbase is a rare MST3K episode for me. Over time, my opinion of this one has changed radically. I faced several obstacles going into this one. First, I never saw it until 1998. The qualitative leap from S1 to S2 is significant; S1 and the Mike episodes are worlds apart. Second, my copy was terrible. Third, it’s saddled with the two worst shorts in the show‘s entire run. I considered this one as unwatchable as The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (#102). I eventually obtained a better tape, and my appreciation for Project Moonbase grew over repeated viewings. I now consider it above average for S1 and a sign of things to come.

Moonbase contains a scene that is pure Joel and a real highlight of S1. Let’s just say that it concerns Dr. Bellows, exposition, and a model less convincing than something from an elementary school science fair project (none of which has anything to do with the joke). The rampant sexism and jingoism of the Bold Future of 1970 (brought to you by SPACOM!) provides plenty of material. Part of you wants the sexist pigs to get some payback, except for the fact that Col. Briteis (Donna Martell) is the most annoying, spoiled, egocentric, and stupid female character in the history of the show. Think about that, won’t you? The obvious (and sole) explanation for Maj. Bill Moore’s attraction to Briteis is that she is the only woman on the film who: 1) weighs less than a metric ton; 2) is younger than 50; and 3) gets trapped with ol’ Bill on a tiny lunar capsule. There is less “dead air” on this episode, as compared to #101-108.

The host segments are the best from S1. You’ll thrill as the Short Guy A-Go-Go Tie swings into high! Never have Eskimos and their diesel generators known such peace and tranquility.

David’s Rating: 3.0 (THREE CROWS) (Shorts = 1.0, Film = 3.5)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Gen. “Pappy” Greene: “Any more guff out of you, and I’ll turn you over my knee and spank you!”

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EPISODE 110 - ROBOT HOLOCAUST (b/w COMMANDO CODY 9)

David’s Review:

We finally bid adieu to Cody and his pansy scientist pals. (Face it, Cody needed a posse more like Satan’s Angels, or even the Jags.) The riffing in Pt. 9 is better than the last few installments.

Robot Holocaust was a direct-to-video movie. Generally, films that never aspired to be more than cheap filler can be a risk. It’s difficult to explain, but They Just Didn’t Care is harder to take than an outright lack of talent and professionalism. I think most people would agree that Eegah, The Creeping Terror, and Manos make for better riffing than tripe made by people who should have known better, like San Francisco International, Code Name: Diamond Head, or Moon Zero Two. Feel free to disagree, but even Ed Wood had an artistic vision. Sure, it was ridiculous, neurotic, and kind of icky, but an artistic vision none the less. Cheap filler rarely has any vision whatsoever, and it rarely has its own “personality,” for lack of a better word. It all seems the same. I recall Kevin Murphy once referring to movies with “aspirations of quality” being better for the show, and I agree.

All that said, Robot Holocaust was a great film for J&tB. We have plenty of pointless action involving special effects worse than those used by BBI at the time. Never have so many sock puppets given their lives for the cinema. For once the title delivers, and in point of fact, robots are featured prominently. We have a plot that perhaps Tolkien could follow, but certainly not C.S. Lewis. (Sorry, Jack.) The hero’s only heroic act is killing his love interest’s father/terrarium. Good times.

Ultimately, Robot Holocaust raises more questions than it answers. This movie has more plot holes than Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (#822). Why design a robot with a speech impediment? Why rely on the notoriously treacherous “air slaves” when you have perfectly good robots just standing around? How did the robots even take over when New York was obviously spared a direct hit? Why does the hero pretend to be mute, when it served no role in the story whatsoever?

Still, there is no question in my mind that it could be a better episode. To me, this is the “almost classic” of Season 1, even more so than Robot Monster (#107). The riffing is not as fast-paced as the last three S1 eps (#s 112, 113, and 104), and obvious opportunities are missed. Most of the riffing is hilarious and sort of “out there,” with less of the dry, observational humor from earlier shows. Despite this, you find yourself wondering what this could have been.

The host segments are humdrum. “Name the Avocado Guy” is the only real highlight.

David’s Rating: 3.5 (THREE AND A HALF CROWS) (Short = 2.5, Film = 3.5)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Valeria: “You and yo dawta awe doomed.”

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EPISODE 111 - MOON ZERO TWO

David’s Notes on the Cast:

I discuss Warren Mitchell (“100% Hubbard”) in my review of The Crawling Eye (#101).

David’s Review:

I have very little to add to Don’s excellent review. Moon Zero Two is not quite as good as the episodes immediately preceding and following it. It’s one of the better S1 eps, but nowhere near the level of Robot Monster (#107), Women of the Prehistoric Planet (#104), or The Black Scorpion (#113). This episode peaks too early, except for the zero-G fight and related host segment. The best riffing comes during the opening credits!

Over the years, one strong impression from this film remains. James Olson (Kemp) and Catherine Von Schell (the sister) cannot carry a movie. You’ll find more chemistry in a Christian Science Reading Room. Olson is a near perfect marriage of unappealing actor and unappealing character. (The perfect unappealing actor/character combo is of course Herb Evers as Dr. Bill Cortner in The Brain that Wouldn’t Die.) Kemp is supposed to remind us of Josh Randall (Steve McQueen) from Wanted: Dead or Alive or Paladin (Richard Boone) from Have Gun-Will Travel. Instead, he reminds me more of a narcoleptic, straight version of Dr. Smith from Lost in Space. This may have been a better movie if the engineer/sidekick character had been first banana.

David’s Rating: 3.0 (THREE CROWS). This almost got 2.5 Crows, but the good parts are very good indeed.

David’s Suggested Stinger: A few choice moments from the travesty that is the zero-G fight.

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EPISODE 112 - UNTAMED YOUTH

David’s Notes on the Cast:

Mamie Van Doren, sweater model, actress, and Official MST3K Babe, made an interesting movie in 1956. Star in the Dust features Mamie as the female lead. The male lead is Sheriff John Agar; Richard Boone plays the villain. Mamie’s character is the sister of another gunman (played by “Leif Erickson,” I kid you not). Shockingly, this movie received enthusiastic reviews at the time. John Agar rarely got good notices for two important reasons: 1) He really isn’t too hot as an actor; 2) He divorced Shirley Temple. Rocker Eddie Cochran also appears in the hilarious Jayne Mansfield vehicle, The Girl Can’t Help It (1956). As you may have guessed, that one also features Little Richard all hopped up on goofballs, singing the awesome title song.

David’s Review:

BBI took a major risk with Untamed Youth, and a very good episode resulted. The only other S1 episode with a “musical number” is the painful Aztec Aria from The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy. Comedies and musicals really aren’t MST3K material. Fortunately, this movie attempts to tackle about half a dozen genres at once, so it has its own dippy charm.

Believe it or not, Untamed Youth enjoyed minor cult status long before MST3K. Perhaps I have a weakness for these old teen rock flicks, because I absolutely love The Girl Can’t Help It. My sister and I used to riff on Elvis movies as kids. We had a love/hate relationship with the Elvis canon. (As in, loved Jailhouse Rock; hated Change of Habit. I think you get the picture.) Untamed Youth was great for the show because the basic plot is really simple and almost believable, but it then adds about a million and six ridiculous subplots, just to provide an excuse to sing. Great stuff when the songs are catchy and silly.

One thing really sticks out about Untamed Youth; um, make that three things. The death of Baby seems out of place, almost disproportionate. It serves as a device to motivate Bob (the judge’s son) to do something about the entire cotton pickin’ scam and to shock Judge Mom into pulling her head out of her robes. The tone shifts after her death (until the final, surreal calypso number), but it still seems a bit over the top to kill off a teenage girl and her unborn baby. Needless to say, other flicks in this genre aren’t quite so dark. Perhaps the writer was trying to make some sort of statement (“No one even knew her real name, mom!”).

Untamed Youth also features some great host segments. Greg Brady Girl really does look a lot more like Greg Brady than a girl. (“Oh the carnage!”) The riffing is paced like other late S1 episodes, and many of the riffs are sublime.

David’s Rating: 3.5 (THREE AND A HALF CROWS)

David’s Suggested Stinger = Greg Brady Girl: “Get outta here ya peeper!"

[docsteve]

EPISODE 113 - THE BLACK SCORPION

David’s Notes on the Cast:

Mara Corday (Teresa, the rancher) is one of my favorite Official MST3K Babes. Ms. Corday retired from films shortly after The Black Scorpion to do television work. Mara had been a contract player with Universal; when she read the script for The Deadly Mantis (#804), she refused to report to the set. Universal fired her, presumably for having better taste than management. Ms. Corday is a fan of MST3K, and she personally replies to fan mail and requests for autographs. “Daddy-Os Drive-In Dirt” has her address.

David’s Review:

Like Untamed Youth, The Black Scorpion is more dated and silly than outright bad. The special effects by Willis O’Brien are much better than your typical forced-perspective puppet or modified iguana. This movie is a natural for MST3K: 1) Plenty of nonsensical action and a brisk pace; 2) The whole Wild West of Mexico setting; 3) Gratuitous, stentorian narration (aka “Mighty Voice”); and 4) A giant, genetically bloated, roaring scorpion. If you have ever considered the dramatic possibilities of a collision between a passenger train and a giant arachnid, this Bug’s for you!

Teresa is a strong, interesting female character, a rarity in bad movies. Other than getting a little gushy with the American Bland Scientist, Teresa might as well be running the show. Obviously, she is more intelligent than the two geologists, who attempt suicide at least once a day.

The episode presents the first case of a scientist declaring martial law, a staple of the show. (With a name like the Amazing Velasco, I expected him to be a little more X-Treme.) In this shtick, the monster menace becomes so immediate, apparent, and horrible that the military intervenes. Next, the scientist character (invariably X-Treme) usurps the chain of command and assumes operational control of a few mechanized infantry divisions. (Revenge of the Creature, The Deadly Mantis, and most of the Gamera movies rely on this device.)

In my opinion, this is the second-best Season 1 episode, after WotPP (#104). For many years, I actually preferred Black Scorpion, because my tape of WotPP was so poor. This episode features Josh Weinstein’s style of riffing quite extensively. In his episodes, there tends to be more interacting with the movie, as opposed to directing remarks at the movie. This a significant difference between Joel’s and Mike’s riffing styles as well. The riffing on The Black Scorpion is fast and hysterical. I haven’t timed them or anything, but the riffing seems even faster than on WotPP. The host segments are great, especially the subtitled “Fiesta.”

David’s Rating: 3.5 (THREE AND A HALF CROWS). This one almost earns four Crows.

David’s Suggested Stinger = Teresa: “Really, gentlemen! I can ride!"

[XerxesTheCat]

Great reviews. I finally read all of them. I think it's amazing that you whizzed through Season 1 very quickly, while it took me almost one bloody year. Keep this up, Partner!