donmac
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Post by donmac on Jul 31, 2005 9:12:27 GMT -5
One name I constantly see listed as one of the worst directors ever is Uwe Boll. But I've never seen one of his movies - in fact, I'm now afraid to see one of his movies because of everything bad I've read about them! But, somehow, this guy still gets financing and still is able to make more movies. Has anyone seen something he's made, and was it as bad (and badly directed) as everyone says? These are his movies, so far (and he has an amazing 5 more in production/pre-production right now): English-language movies: Alone in the Dark (2005) House of the Dead (2003) Heart of America (2003) Blackwoods (2002) Sanctimony (2000)German-language movies: Das Erste Semester (1997) Barschel - Mord in Genf? (1993) Amoklauf (1992) German Fried Movie (1991)
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Post by In_Stereo on Jul 31, 2005 9:39:38 GMT -5
I call doing the fan MSTing of Alone in the Dark-- hands off!
Here's my IMDb comment:
So bad it's... not good. 28 May 2005 Author: rowsdower45 from somewhere
Alone in the Dark is a series of still images edited together. Many of them are pictures of Christian Slater locked in a single facial expression, accompanied by flat, monotone narration. The film contains characters, as well as dialogue, a love interest, a conflict, and a resolution. Threre is an antagonist and a protagonist, sets and props, and scenes in which things occur. Then there's an ending which features credits. Not the tiniest scrap of a plot to be had.
It appears they made an attempt at a story involving a mad scientist trying to resurrect demons that wiped out an ancient race of people (why?); a young Slater escaped from his experiment and got electrocuted or lost his memory or something. Now the demons have been unleashed and Slater is their main target. I think. The movie suggests it. There then follow endless scenes of people walking around stealthily with their guns drawn, and a major plot point is made out of how cool and buff Slater is. Then I think Tim Conway pops in and insults him while giving him tips on golf... wait, what?... Oh, now it's *Stephen* Dorf? Well, I don't know anymore. I feel like Boll came into my living room for 96 minutes and just sat on my head.
Coleman Francis lives, and his name is Uwe Boll! 1/10
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 31, 2005 11:38:41 GMT -5
Don't forget to go to the informative uweboll.com
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donmac
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Post by donmac on Jul 31, 2005 12:40:34 GMT -5
That's hilarious! Wow, for someone to register the domain name just for that message, he must really suck!
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donmac
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Beedee Beedee Beedee This Sucks!
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Post by donmac on Jul 31, 2005 12:47:55 GMT -5
These are the movies he has lined up just for the next year!
Far Cry (2006) (announced) Fear Effect (2006) (announced) Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (announced) Night Claws (2005) (announced) Dungeon Siege (2006) (filming) Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)
Who is financing this guy??? Some real-life Clayton Forrester trying to bring the world to its knees with bad movies?!??
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Post by siamesesin on Jul 31, 2005 12:57:10 GMT -5
That gives me bigger shudders than "Starring Keanu Reeves".
Somebody take away that man's budget and slap him, hard.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 31, 2005 13:05:17 GMT -5
These are the movies he has lined up just for the next year! Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (announced)
That's it! I could take the shitty movies based on video games, I could take the bad Kentucky Fried Movie ripoff, but I will not take this bait and switch from Uwe Boll. How dare he give me hope for a Hunter movie and then give us some cheap shitty horror.
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donmac
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Beedee Beedee Beedee This Sucks!
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Post by donmac on Jul 31, 2005 13:06:44 GMT -5
I found this entry on Boll: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_BollWill someone in Germany please pass a law and close that damn film financing loophole! (BTW, some of the Anti-Boll sites at the bottom of the Wikipedia entry are pretty funny)
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 31, 2005 13:18:54 GMT -5
I hate to sound mean, but after seeing uwebollsucks.com, he kind of looks retarded. With the Forrest Gump type expressions and hair cut.
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donmac
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Beedee Beedee Beedee This Sucks!
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Post by donmac on Jul 31, 2005 13:33:29 GMT -5
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Post by kayleigh on Jul 31, 2005 14:30:37 GMT -5
Eww, eww, eww!!
I have only seen one of his crapfests. I saw House of the dead and it was awful. I guess it was based on a video game(seems alot of his are) and during the movie all of a sudden video game images would pop up. That aside it was still pretty bad and this is coming from someone who likes bad horror movies. I will never sit still for another one of his so called movies.
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donmac
Moderator Emeritus
Beedee Beedee Beedee This Sucks!
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Post by donmac on Aug 1, 2005 21:52:42 GMT -5
This guy gives me hope at being a movie director!!!! Yeah, move to Germany, and you're set!
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Post by Detective Mitchell on Aug 2, 2005 12:57:02 GMT -5
I own both HOUSE OF THE DEAD and ALONE IN THE DARK (thanks to the used bin), but to riff them. By the way, if you see a picture of Mr. Boll, compare it to a picture of Coleman Francis. The guys look very alike.
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Post by In_Stereo on Aug 4, 2005 19:07:32 GMT -5
BTW, does anyone (hi there, Mr W) know how to pronounce the name? With my rudimentary knowledge of German, I'm pronouncing it "oo-vuh" or "oo-vay"-- can I get confirmation on this?
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donmac
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Beedee Beedee Beedee This Sucks!
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Post by donmac on Aug 5, 2005 18:34:53 GMT -5
BTW, does anyone (hi there, Mr W) know how to pronounce the name? With my rudimentary knowledge of German, I'm pronouncing it "oo-vuh" or "oo-vay"-- can I get confirmation on this? Pronounce it: Oh Vay! (It's just so apropos)
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