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Jokes
Dec 17, 2010 19:36:50 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Dec 17, 2010 19:36:50 GMT -5
A polish man goes up to a counter and says to the man behind it "I'd like 2 pounds of sausage please."
The man behind the counter stares at the polish man for several seconds, which annoys him.
"Oh, is there a problem Sir? Hmmph, I know what you're thinking... "Oh, he's Polish, he must be stupid!" I suppose if a man got some whiskey, you'd go "Oh, he's Irish, he must be a drunk!" and if a man ordered some Bratwurst, you'd say "Oh, he's German, he must be a Nazi!" Well Sir, if you're going to think these racial stereotypes, I'll not only never come back here again, but make sure my friends never come here again as well!
Once this whole spiel is over, the man behind the counter speaks. "Sir, that's not why I was staring at you..."
The polish man is silent for a moment, then he replies. "Oh.....why *were* you staring at me then?"
"Because this is Home Depot Sir...."
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Jokes
Dec 18, 2010 0:28:22 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Dec 18, 2010 0:28:22 GMT -5
In a schoolroom in Boston, Miss. Adams was going around asking her third grade class what their favorite baseball team was. Naturally, every kid said the Redsox were their favorite team...all except for Little Johnny. When asked what his favorite team was, he replied "The Yankees..."
"And why, Johnny, is your favorite team the Yankees?" Miss Adams asked.
Shrugging, Little Johnny replied "Cause my mom and dad are Yankee fans."
Miss Adams sighed and shook her head. "Now Johnny, that's not a good reason to like anything...suppose your mother was a moron, and your father was a moron, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny thought for a minute, then, with a smirk, he replied "A Redsox fan..."
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Jokes
Dec 18, 2010 0:43:01 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Dec 18, 2010 0:43:01 GMT -5
And just to round out this trilogy of jokes for the night:
A little test to help you decide if you are a Democrat, Republican or a Redneck.....
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. You are carrying a loaded Glock Cal 40, and you are an expert shot. An Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner and confronts you, he is screaming obscenties, praising Allah, and starts to charge you.You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do ?
Democrat's answer:
Well, thats not enough information to answer the question ....Does he look poor or oppressed? Did I do something to inspire him to attack me ? Could we run away ? What does the law say about this situation ? Why am I carrying a loaded gun , and what kind of message does this send to society and my children ? Is it possible he'd be happy just killing me and not my whole family ? If I grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me ? Can I call 911 ? Why is this street so deserted ? We need to raise taxes to make this street safer.This is all so confusing, I need to debate this with a few friends for a couple of days and try to come to a consensus...........
Republicans Answer:
BANG !!!!!!!
Rednecks Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click............ BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
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Jokes
Dec 26, 2010 22:14:13 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Dec 26, 2010 22:14:13 GMT -5
What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
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Jokes
Dec 27, 2010 8:47:08 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Dec 27, 2010 8:47:08 GMT -5
You hear about the snowman in the greengrocer?
He was picking his nose
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Jokes
Jan 18, 2011 22:51:08 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Jan 18, 2011 22:51:08 GMT -5
A little Jewish boy went up to his Grandfather and says "Grandpa, Grandpa, I need $40."
And Grandpa says "$40, that's a lot of money. What do you need with $30?"
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Jokes
Jan 19, 2011 21:03:18 GMT -5
Post by Afgncaap5 on Jan 19, 2011 21:03:18 GMT -5
Schroedinger's Cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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Jokes
Jan 19, 2011 22:12:11 GMT -5
Post by Satchmo on Jan 19, 2011 22:12:11 GMT -5
Q:How many Dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb? A:To get to the other side.
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Jokes
Feb 23, 2011 20:07:38 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Feb 23, 2011 20:07:38 GMT -5
Why was the chef arrested?
He was caught beating an egg.
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Jokes
Feb 23, 2011 20:45:44 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Feb 23, 2011 20:45:44 GMT -5
Why was the chef arrested? He was caught beating an egg. This cheese has obviously not matured...
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Jokes
Feb 23, 2011 22:01:50 GMT -5
Post by ratherdashing on Feb 23, 2011 22:01:50 GMT -5
That man stole my element, Cesium!
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Jokes
Feb 26, 2011 11:39:44 GMT -5
Post by reaperg on Feb 26, 2011 11:39:44 GMT -5
Who is Jim Carrey's favorite Motown singer?
SSSSSSSSSSSMOKEY!
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Jokes
Feb 26, 2011 17:14:02 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Feb 26, 2011 17:14:02 GMT -5
Two men, one of them a Polish guy, are watching the 6 O'Clock news. A story comes on about a man who was set to jump off of a bridge, so the first man says to the Polish guy "Hey pal, betcha 20 dollars that guy jumps!" The Polish guy agrees and they watch the story, and unfortunately, the man jumps to his death.
As the Polish guy is giving the other man his money, the other man guiltily stops him. "Ya know what? I can't bring myself to take your money mac....I already saw this story happen on the 5 O'Clock news."
The Polish guy replies "Hey, I saw that same newscast! Boy, I didn't think that fella was gonna jump twice!"
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Jokes
Feb 28, 2011 0:00:41 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Feb 28, 2011 0:00:41 GMT -5
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
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Jokes
Feb 28, 2011 0:38:53 GMT -5
Post by Satchmo on Feb 28, 2011 0:38:53 GMT -5
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
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