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Jokes
Feb 28, 2011 10:58:50 GMT -5
Post by ratherdashing on Feb 28, 2011 10:58:50 GMT -5
Here's a bad joke:
Keven Federline
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Jokes
Mar 3, 2011 1:22:48 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Mar 3, 2011 1:22:48 GMT -5
My girlfriend's uncle told me this one today. What did Michael Hutchence and Jim Morrison have in common? They both liked hanging around doors.
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Jokes
Mar 3, 2011 1:24:39 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Mar 3, 2011 1:24:39 GMT -5
To round out the double header:
What did Budd Dwyer's wife say to him before his last press conference? Don't go shooting off your mouth!
.....Ah bollocks, one more!
What was Budd Dwyer's favorite toothpaste? Aim.
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Jokes
Mar 3, 2011 2:54:01 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Mar 3, 2011 2:54:01 GMT -5
Good lord. I love it
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Jokes
Apr 19, 2011 23:25:01 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Apr 19, 2011 23:25:01 GMT -5
What do you use to count cows? A cow-culator.
How do you heal a broken Jack O'lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
Why didn't the chicken wear pants? Because his pecker was on his head.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama? Because everyone there has the same DNA.
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!". "I've been circumcised.", the other replied. "What's that mean?" "It means they cut the skin off the end." "How old were you when it was cut off?" "My mom said I was only two days old." "Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly. "You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
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Jokes
Apr 19, 2011 23:46:43 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Apr 19, 2011 23:46:43 GMT -5
During her annual checkup, a well endowed woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" "Go ahead and put them on the chair on top of mine."
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Jokes
Apr 26, 2011 22:22:16 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Apr 26, 2011 22:22:16 GMT -5
Where do old people go to the bathroom?
Depends.
Before I was born, my maker gave me a choice: to either have an impeccable memory or a large penis. I can't for the life of me remember what I chose.
What do you call a vegetarian with diareaha? A salad shooter.
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Jokes
Jun 12, 2011 11:22:40 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Jun 12, 2011 11:22:40 GMT -5
Three Pee Wee Herman jokes for your viewing pleasure in an attempt to resurrect this thread:
Q: What are Pee-Wee Herman's favorite baseball teams?
A: The Expos and the Yanks.
Q: What is the difference between Pee Wee Herman and Rodney King? A: Pee Wee beat himself.
Q: Who are the only two people to ever be shot in a theater?
A: Abraham Lincolin and the guy who sat in front of Pee Wee Herman
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Jokes
Jun 20, 2011 20:43:23 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Jun 20, 2011 20:43:23 GMT -5
How did the Butcher introduce his wife?
Meat Patty.
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Jokes
Jun 25, 2011 15:42:02 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Jun 25, 2011 15:42:02 GMT -5
What do you call a twitchy cow?
Beef jerky.
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Jokes
Jun 25, 2011 15:48:05 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Jun 25, 2011 15:48:05 GMT -5
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Jokes
Jul 10, 2011 21:05:16 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2011 21:05:16 GMT -5
Man 1: I'm so happy, I just bought myself a state-of-the-art hearing aid, cost me five grand.
Man 2: Really, what kind is it?
Man 1: 4:30!
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Jokes
Sept 10, 2011 22:36:09 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 10, 2011 22:36:09 GMT -5
My latest attempt to bring this thread back from the dead:
A lady is walking down the street past a pet store. A parrot who is on display in front of the store suddenly squaks out "Heeeeeeeeey lady! You are reallllllllllly freaking ugly!" The woman stares at the parrot, harumphs in disgust, and walks on. This happens every day for the next few days when the woman walks by the store, the parrot always spots her, and he always squaks out "Heeeeeeeeeeey lady! You are reallllllllllllllllly freaking ugly!" Finally, the woman has had enough, and she storms into the shop and corners the owner.
"Now look here! Every day this week, that parrot of yours has been insulting me!" Growled the lady. "I'm warning you, if it happens again, I'm going to bring a lawsuit against you for harrassment! Do you understand me?!?"
The owner is, of course, apologetic. "Ok lady, I'm sorry....I'll talk to the parrot....and it won't happen again, I promise."
Satisfied, the lady walks out and goes about her business. The next day, she walks past the pet store. The parrot, who is still perched outside, spots her and squaks out:
"Heeeeeeeeeeey lady!"
Her eyes narrowing, the woman replies back "What?"
Smirking, the parrot replies ".....You know......"
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Jokes
Sept 11, 2011 20:05:48 GMT -5
Post by mummifiedstalin on Sept 11, 2011 20:05:48 GMT -5
My son told me a joke today:
Did you ever notice how birds fly in a V when they migrate? Did you ever notice that one line of the V is longer than the other? Know why that is?
More birds in that line.
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Jokes
Sept 11, 2011 20:32:14 GMT -5
Post by Don Quixote on Sept 11, 2011 20:32:14 GMT -5
Here's the only joke my niece tells:
"Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Banana... GRAPES!"
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