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Jokes
Oct 23, 2012 22:18:57 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Oct 23, 2012 22:18:57 GMT -5
Where do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream.
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Jokes
Oct 28, 2012 0:03:18 GMT -5
Post by nondescript spice on Oct 28, 2012 0:03:18 GMT -5
how did the hipster burn his tongue?
he sipped his coffee before it was cool.
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Jokes
Oct 29, 2012 3:48:34 GMT -5
Post by afriendlychicken on Oct 29, 2012 3:48:34 GMT -5
*adjusts mic* ahem... what does a nosy pepper do? gets jalapeno your business. *leaves stage in shame* Taken from Spice's North American Tour: First this: Now an old local Hawai'i joke: What did Aji say when he dropped a knife on his foot? Aji-no-moto!
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Jokes
Nov 6, 2012 9:58:43 GMT -5
Post by nondescript spice on Nov 6, 2012 9:58:43 GMT -5
what does it mean when a hooker offers you the miitt romney special?
for an extra $20 she'll change positions.
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Jokes
Nov 23, 2012 22:57:37 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Nov 23, 2012 22:57:37 GMT -5
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
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Jokes
Dec 3, 2012 10:39:41 GMT -5
Post by nondescript spice on Dec 3, 2012 10:39:41 GMT -5
roses are red violets are red tulips are red bushes are red trees are red oh god, my garden's on fire!
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Jokes
Dec 3, 2012 19:22:17 GMT -5
Post by afriendlychicken on Dec 3, 2012 19:22:17 GMT -5
roses are red violets are red tulips are red bushes are red trees are red oh god, my garden's on fire! Oh, man that made me laugh. Here's a joke Christmas song verse based on Jingle Bells my brother & I made up when we were young and weird. It was for a class project he had in High School. "Flying through the rain in a Portuguese airplane. O'er the sea we go, crashing all the way. The feathers on the wings get wet, the pilot's start to sweat. What fright it is to fly at night on a Portuguese air flight." Thank you. PS: We Portuguese are mighty strange. ;D
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Jokes
Feb 19, 2013 11:28:39 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Feb 19, 2013 11:28:39 GMT -5
Once again bringing this thread back from the dead:
Q. What is the proper definition of YUGO?
A. If you're driving in one at 30 m.p.h. and slam on the brakes, YUGO through the windshield.
Q. Did you know one of the women on the Challenger had blue eyes?
A. Yep, one blew to the left, the other blew to the right...
Q. Why didn't Natalie Wood take a shower on the boat?
A. She wanted to wash up on shore.
*Runs from the assault of flying tomatoes hurled at me*
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Jokes
Feb 23, 2013 0:16:50 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Feb 23, 2013 0:16:50 GMT -5
Gotta share this little nugget my uncle told me last night:
A Jewish man goes to his mother's house with some very big news...
"Ma, I've kept this from you for far too long, I have to get it off my chest.....ma....I'm gay..."
The mother is silent for several moments, then, she turns around and speaks.
"This gay thing....that means that you like other men, yeah?"
"Yes mom, it does..." the son replied
"And you have relationships with other men, right?"
"....Well, yes mom...I do...." replied the son.
"And you have these men put their.....well....you know.....things....in your mouth....yes?" Asked the mother.
"That's..... not quite the way I'd describe it but....well....yes.....yes I do...." replied the son.
"And you do that often?" The mother asked
After her son nodded in the affirmative, the mother proceeded to smack the boy several times in the head and chest.
"Then don't you ever.....ever.....ever.....complain about my cooking again young man!"
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Jokes
Mar 29, 2013 11:27:57 GMT -5
Post by nondescript spice on Mar 29, 2013 11:27:57 GMT -5
a woman got wooden breast implants yesterday. it would be funny if this joke had a punch line.
wooden tit.
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Jokes
Apr 21, 2013 14:58:09 GMT -5
Post by Lounge Lizard on Apr 21, 2013 14:58:09 GMT -5
How many Vietnam war vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just forget it man, you wouldn't understand.
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Jokes
Apr 22, 2013 23:26:37 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Apr 22, 2013 23:26:37 GMT -5
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed when the husband presents the wife with a full glass of water and two aspirin.
"What is this?" The wife inquires
"It's for you hunnie..." replies the husband
"What am I supposed to do with this, ya dope, I don't have a headache!" Says the wife
With a grin, the husband replies "Well.....in that case....wanna screw?"
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Jokes
Jul 23, 2013 0:51:52 GMT -5
Post by Mr. Atari on Jul 23, 2013 0:51:52 GMT -5
Schroedinger's cat walks into a bar. Or maybe he doesn't ?
Schroedinger is pulled over on the highway. The traffic cop walks up to the window and asks, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?" Schroedinger replies, "No, but I know where I was."
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Jokes
Jul 25, 2013 19:03:15 GMT -5
Post by Prime Minister Jim J. Bullock on Jul 25, 2013 19:03:15 GMT -5
Can't claim credit for this one. It came from a another forum:
A woman was getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: ‘Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. How are you getting there?’ ‘We’re taking Continental,’ was the reply. ‘We got a great rate!’ ‘Continental?’ exclaimed the hairdresser. ‘That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. Where will you be staying in Rome?’ ‘We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.’ ‘Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.’ ‘We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.’ ‘That’s rich,’ laughed the hairdresser. ‘You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Good luck on this trip of yours. You’re going to need it.’ A month later, the woman came for another hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome . ‘It was wonderful,’ she explained, ‘not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they moved us into first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome twenty-eight year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot. The hotel was great! They’d just finished a five million dollar remodelling job, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!’ ‘Well,’ muttered the hairdresser, ‘that’s all well and good, but I bet you didn’t get to see the Pope.’ ‘Actually, we were quite lucky, because on a tour through the Vatican a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and told me the Pope would like to meet some of the visitors. If I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, he walked in and shook my hand! As I knelt down, he just spoke a few words to me.’ ‘Oh, really! What did he say?’ ‘After blessing me he said: ‘Who messed up your hair like this?’’
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Jokes
May 4, 2014 0:45:27 GMT -5
Post by nondescript spice on May 4, 2014 0:45:27 GMT -5
where did napoleon keep his armies?
in his sleevies.
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