One day, a police officer catches a woman speeding down a suburban street, so he decides to pull her over.
When he gets up to the window, he explains to her that she had been speeding and asked to see her driver's license.
"I don't have it on me," she says.
"Really? What about the vehicle registration?" the officer asks.
"I don't have that either," she replies.
"Ma'am, I hate to say it, but you're in a lot of trouble then."
"Look," the woman says. "This really isn't my car. I stole it, and the man I killed to get it is hidden in the trunk."
Well, worried about what's going on, the officer calls for backup. The second policeman arrives within minutes, and the first policeman explains everything. The second policeman then goes up to the car to interrogate the woman.
"No license?" he asks. But she pulls out her license and shows it to him.
"How about your registration?" he asks this time. She then opens up the glovebox and pulls it out.
The second policeman, a bit reluctant, decides he might as well ask his last question. "Okay, ma'am," he says. "This is probably a bit much, but could you open your trunk for me?"
The woman happily obliges. The second policeman looks in the trunk, and it is completely empty. He then walks back up to the front of the car.
Laughing, he says, "I'm sorry for that, Ma'am, but you wouldn't believe what the other officer told me. He said that not only did you steal this vehicle but that you also killed the driver and stored him in the trunk."
"What?" she exclaims. "How preposterous! I bet that son of a b**ch told you I was speeding too!"
Post by GProopdog on Sept 18, 2008 13:17:01 GMT -5
Superman is flying up in the air around the city when he peers into a building via his X-Ray vision and sees Wonder Woman, naked as the day she was born, and laying down in her bed. Being a guy and all, Supes rushes towards the building, breaks through the window of Wonder Woman's apartment, and lands right on top of her with a huge grin on his face.
"So, are you surprised to see me?" Superman said.
"Not as surprised as the Invisible Man is" Replied Wonder Woman.
Once upon a time, there was a boy who was afraid to have sex with women. He was always told, "They have teeth down there. If you put it in there, they'll bite it off!"
Well, in spite of biology classes, this young lad grew up believing this. And as all healthy, normal men (for I speak objectively, and speak as somewhat of an abnormal individual) he grew up, met a girl, fell in love, and got married.
On his honeymoon, he was very shy, and his new wife quickly surmised that he was still a virgin. She kept trying to coax him into the bedroom, but he would not go. Finally she asked him what he was afraid of, and, with patience and coaxing, he told her: "You've got teeth down there! If I put it in you, you'll bite it off!"
"WHAT??!!!" she exclaimed.
"You've got teeth. You'll bite it off."
She said, "Come here" and grabbed him by the arm, pulled him into the bedroom, jumped up on the bed, pulled up her skirt, pulled down her panties, spread them and said, "Now, LOOK! Do you see any teeth there?"
He gazed for a while and shook his head. "Hell, no. Not with gums like that!"
Post by mrsphyllistorgo on Sept 19, 2008 11:14:14 GMT -5
Heard a good one last night!
A cowboy comes to town,but nobody seems to be around. Puzzled, he enters the saloon, to find the innkeeper there by himself.
He sits down, orders a whiskey, and asks "where is everybody?"
"You must not be from around here," replies the saloon keeper. "Everybody's gone to the hanging of Paper Bag Pete."
"What?" asks the cowboy. "Where on earth did he get a name like that?"
"Well," replies the bartender, " he wears a paper bag hat, paper bag shirt, and paper bag pants. So naturally he's called Paper Bag Pete."
"Huh," says the cowboy. He drinks for a minute, than asks, "What's he being hung for, anyway?"
"Well naturally," replies the saloon keeper, "Rustling."
There's only one rule, babies: Goddamnit, you've got to be kind.
I beg to differ. For you see, the other raptors and I have constructed a crude suspension bridge to Venezuela. Once there, I shall lay low and assume odd jobs under the name of Mr. Pilkington. But perhaps I've said too much.