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Jokes
Sept 19, 2008 18:35:04 GMT -5
Post by Donna SadCat Lady on Sept 19, 2008 18:35:04 GMT -5
The kind of jokes I know are mostly knock-knocks, elephant jokes, lightbulb jokes--that kind of stuff. Since so many people over the age of 8 don't enjoy this sort of humor, I'll only post them upon request.
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Jokes
Sept 19, 2008 18:59:54 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 19, 2008 18:59:54 GMT -5
Please share them!
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Jokes
Sept 19, 2008 19:51:13 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy Dumpy's Salvation Army on Sept 19, 2008 19:51:13 GMT -5
The kind of jokes I know are mostly knock-knocks, elephant jokes, lightbulb jokes--that kind of stuff. Since so many people over the age of 8 don't enjoy this sort of humor, I'll only post them upon request. Official Request TM® Note: I am over the age of 8, but I can annoy my co-workers with them. (And I'll probably enjoy them.)
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Jokes
Sept 20, 2008 11:58:59 GMT -5
Post by Frameous on Sept 20, 2008 11:58:59 GMT -5
Sock it to me.
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Jokes
Sept 20, 2008 13:49:06 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 20, 2008 13:49:06 GMT -5
A mother is in the kitchen preparing breakfast when her two sons come downstairs and sit at the table.
"What would you like for breakfast hunnie?" She says to the first lad.
"I want some F&$&ing French Toast!" replies the boy.
"What did you just say?" The mother replied, outraged.
"I said I want some F*#&ing French Toast!" Repeated the boy.
So the mother proceeds to beat the boy about the face and neck with her wooden spoon, and she sends him off to school with a promise that he would be severely punished when he got home. Turning to the second boy, she narrows her eyes: "And what do *you* want for breakfast?"
After some silence, the boy finally answers: "Well, I sure as hell don't want any F*#&ing French Toast!"
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Jokes
Sept 21, 2008 6:40:31 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 21, 2008 6:40:31 GMT -5
When I die I want to go like my dear old Dad, quiet in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like the other passengers.
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Jokes
Sept 21, 2008 9:13:56 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 21, 2008 9:13:56 GMT -5
A blind man goes to a brothel. The owner palms him off with an acne ridden old hag because he can't see what he's getting. They go upstairs and she undresses. He runs his hand over her spotty arse and recoils. "It's okay" she says "just a bit of acne". "Thank Christ", says the blind man, "I thought that was the price list".
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Jokes
Sept 21, 2008 12:14:58 GMT -5
Post by Captain Hygiene on Sept 21, 2008 12:14:58 GMT -5
When I die I want to go like my dear old Dad, quiet in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like the other passengers. This is the only joke I've ever needed to use in real life.
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Jokes
Sept 21, 2008 17:23:02 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 21, 2008 17:23:02 GMT -5
a guy walks into the butchers.
"Where's Boab?" asks the guy.
"Oh I had to sack him", replies the butcher, "he was putting his willy in the bacon slicer."
"My word, what did you do with the bacon slicer?"
"I sacked her as well!"
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Jokes
Sept 22, 2008 10:54:50 GMT -5
Post by mrsphyllistorgo on Sept 22, 2008 10:54:50 GMT -5
Trumpy, where are you getting these?
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Jokes
Sept 22, 2008 13:46:38 GMT -5
Post by Trumpy's Magic Snout on Sept 22, 2008 13:46:38 GMT -5
Books, mates comedians. My local pub's a goldmine. I can't even tell you half of them because they're dirty/sick/too Scottish!
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Jokes
Sept 22, 2008 14:34:02 GMT -5
Post by GProopdog on Sept 22, 2008 14:34:02 GMT -5
Two missionaries are caught deep in the heart of the jungle and dragged by the natives to the tribe leader.
"Because you have trespassed on our land, you must be punished!" Cried the Tribe leader. "However, since I am a fair and merciful man, I will give you a choice of punishment, either Death or Oogu."
The first missionary steps forward. "I sure as heck don't want to die. I choose Oogu!"
"Very well, Oogu it is!" Says the tribe leader, and soon, the natives drag the missionary over to a pit and toss him in, burying him up to his neck in dirt. They then proceed to pour honey on his face and head and let the fire ants crawl all over him. This goes on for two straight days before finally, the natives drag the missionary out of the pit, and the poor schmuck goes off, babbling crazily and stumbling away.
"Now you..." The tribe leader said, pointing to the second missionary. "...What do you choose as your punishment?"
"Well, after seeing that, I'd rather choose death!" says the second missionary.
"Very well, death it is!" Says the tribe leader. After a moment of silence, he then adds "But first...Oogu!"
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Jokes
Sept 23, 2008 0:34:40 GMT -5
Post by Donna SadCat Lady on Sept 23, 2008 0:34:40 GMT -5
The kind of jokes I know are mostly knock-knocks, elephant jokes, lightbulb jokes--that kind of stuff. Since so many people over the age of 8 don't enjoy this sort of humor, I'll only post them upon request. Official Request TM® Note: I am over the age of 8, but I can annoy my co-workers with them. (And I'll probably enjoy them.) Due to overwhelming demand, I'm unleashing some old jokes upon you all. ----------- Why did the elephant wear yellow fuzzy toe warmers? Because her red fuzzy toe warmers were in the wash. How can you tell if an elephant has been hiding in your fridge? There are footprints in the butter. Why won't the 500-pound canary ride a bicycle? Because she doesn't have a little finger to ring the bell with. Why did the elephant paint his toenails brown, red, blue, green, and orange? So he could hide in a bowl of M&Ms. What's gray, has big ears, and a trunk? A mouse going on vacation. What sits on a telephone wire, weighs a thousand pounds, and says, "CHIRP, CHIRP"? A pair of 500-pound canaries. OR: an elephant doing bird imitations. Why did the two elephants not go swimming? Because they only had one pair of trunks between them. How do you get down off an elephant? You don't, silly! You get down off a goose! ----------- What's the best thing to put in a cake? Your teeth! Which kind of house weighs the least? A lighthouse! Which animal can jump higher than a house? All of them--houses can't jump. ----------- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the... oh, you know. Why did the otter cross the road? To get to the otter side. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. Why did the elephant not cross the road? To prove he was no chicken. Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
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Jokes
Sept 24, 2008 13:18:50 GMT -5
Post by mrsphyllistorgo on Sept 24, 2008 13:18:50 GMT -5
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
*Shrieks with delight, runs to annoy husband*
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Jokes
Sept 24, 2008 14:20:48 GMT -5
Post by CBG on Sept 24, 2008 14:20:48 GMT -5
"...and they're going at it and she's screaming...'Murray! Murray! Murray! Murray!...the ceiling needs painting!'"
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