Post by Torgo on Dec 31, 2009 15:15:59 GMT -5
Godzilla vs. Megalon
Release Date: March 17, 1973
Monster Roster: Godzilla, Jet Jaguar, Megalon, Gigan, Rodan, and Anguirus
TONIGHT on a very special episode of Zone Fighter...
Two dudes and some kid build a robot and an ancient race of Seatopians kidnap it so they can entertain the monster Megalon, which they've just unleashed. The trio of underdeveloped characters regain control of the 'bot and send him to fetch Godzilla. The Seatopians call for help from Space Hunter Nebula M, and they send Gigan. Monster battle ensues.
I could emphasize on this plot more, but quite frankly, I just don't f***ing want to.
Review
Kids, don't do drugs. If you do, Godzilla vs. Megalon will result. And really...one is enough.
I've always been confused by how most G fans treat Godzilla '98 like s*** and try and pretend it doesn't exist. I'd ask them why, and they'd say because "It's not Godzilla." And Godzilla vs. Megalon is. And it's a preferable option for...what reason now? Speaking as a Godzilla fan, this is what I'd personally try and distance myself from. Not a mediocre reimagining that tried (and slightly failed) to spice things up for the blockbuster crowd.
To put it simply, Godzilla vs. Megalon is campy, childish, goofball garbage using a brand name to take money from children who'd be better off saving it for the future or spending it on something productive. The Batman & Robin of the Godzilla series, if you will (but at least Batman & Robin had Schwarzenegger).
The film has little to no redeming features to make it a worthwhile addition to the franchise. At the time, Godzilla had gotten campier and cheaper, and was definatly aiming for the child demographic. However, the previous film, Godzilla vs. Gigan, was somber and actually seemed to take itself seriously (probably a mistake, but meh). Every turn in Godzilla vs. Megalon is a wacky exercise in topping each previous scene in "huh?" factor.
I'm watching movies about a giant lizard for Christ's sake. I shouldn't be noticing how preposterous all of this crap is. But I'll tell you one thing, if I could suspend my disbelief this much, I'd be a Gamera fan.
Jun Fukuda's Godzilla movies aren't great, and I think he's come up with some of the lowest points in G's history. However, I absolutly refuse to believe that he is this much of a hack. Not the man who gave us some gorgious locals in Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster and a boss mega brawl in Godzilla vs. Gigan. How can the barren, ugly countryside and suspenseless finale of Godzilla vs. Megalon come from the same man? Unfortunatly it did, but I have to say this film is film is Toho's fault, not his. The studio made Godzilla way too playful with this film. The final brawl is littered with pieces in which the monsters act human. Godzilla is caught waving, shaking hands, giving the OK sign, and many others. Megalon hops around like a child, claps his hands, and even gives a wrestling tag to Gigan. At one point in the movie, Gigan holds his claw to Jet Jaguar's throat, presumably threatening him to make Godzilla back off. Godzilla eases down, but then gives Gigan a face full of radiation breath, mimicing a scene you'd see in just about any action movie ever made.
There's one really cool moment in the final fight in which Godzilla and Jet Jaguar ar surrounded by a ring of fire. In a better movie, this might be a space of suspense, in which you hold your breath to see if they make it out. But Godzilla vs. Megalon makes it so clear that the good guys always win, that you just wonder in bordom stupor how they're going to do it.
If only the monster scenes dominated the movie. At least something like that might have been halfway fun. Godzilla doesn't do anything until the last 20 minutes, when he shows up to save the day. Until then, we're served up not only the worst batch of human characters in a Godzilla movie, but some of the worst characters I've seen in any movie. To call them "characters" is an insult to characterization. They just exist. No relationship is ever established, just that they're two guys and some kid who live in a house and made a robot for the hell of it. Then there are the Seatopians, a bland, generic race that threatens to destroy the world that consists of an ugly guy in a toga and a group of strippers from the Klu Klux Klan. The one thing I'll give these guys is that they are not from outer space, so a tiny bit of originality is showcased here.
Much like Godzilla vs. Gigan, the film is a bit of a patch job of stock footage. Megalon can be caught blowing up buildings with Ghidorah's gravity bolts, tearing apart jets with Gigan's claws, and even turns into Gaira from War of the Gargantuas at one point while being shot by masers. But the thing that makes Megalon the better made film to Gigan is that Toho actually shelled out for new monster suits and an original score this time around. Yeah, the monster suits are kiddie, but I can deal with that. Disappointingly, though, the score is by Riichiro Manabe, quite simply the worst composer to have ever worked on a Godzilla film. Rehashing his hideous theme from Godzilla vs. Hedorah, Manabe enhances the goofiness of the film with a goofy groove to go with it.
I could go on all day with what makes this movie horrible, but I have to stop somewhere. Besides, complaining about it gives me a headache. It sucks being a fanboy, you know that? We force ourselves to watch the movies we hate so we can bitch about it on the internet for no reason other than we just can. Luckily, the film was rightfully lampooned on Mystery Science Theater 3000, so watching crap just got a whole lot easier.