Torgo's Tales of Gods & Monsters - Most Anticipated 2014

[Torgo]

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I tried a blog several years back. It became a chore and I let it die.

I guess this is my little spot. I like to write. And in case I ever have anything cooking, here it goes. Why Gods and Monsters? I like Gods and Monsters. Anything from old mythology to Marvel and DC superheroes and Toho and Universal creature features. Of course, I might venture further than that. Depending what I'm in the mood in.

What do I have first for us? Well, we have Gods and Monsters, why not do the one thing from my childhood that included a lot of both?

Chapter I

It's Posin' Time!

Last Saturday, my girlfriend and I woke up and we had pretty much nothing to do. This was the first lazy Saturday morning I've had in a long time. What do we do? Turn on Saturday Morning Cartoons!

What am I greeted with? The original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers! Not Jungle Fury. Not RPM. Not whatever the hell they became in recent years. My Power Rangers. Jason, Zack, Trini, Kimberly, Billy, and their badass Dinozords. This was even before Tommy joined the group as the Green Ranger (none of that White Ranger Tigerzord crap. Dragonzord FTW motherf***ers!).

I heard the original Power Rangers were back on television, upon the cancelation of the series after 17 years (is there anyone who doesn't agree that 17 seasons is enough? Other than the showrunners behind the Simpsons?). I hadn't intended on watching it, but switching on the television and coming across somthing that held so much meaning to me when I was 9 years old was just something I couldn't resist. Both my girlfriend and I had a wild good time.

There were two episodes featured. One was where the Rangers were having a bake sale only to have the Pudgy Pig eat everything in sight. The other was the one was where Trini and Kimberly became mentors to a little girl only to have her kidnapped by the Chunky Chicken who intends to use her to...I don't know. Something about "Power Eggs" that only an innocent child can obtain. I laughed at the unoriginality when it came to naming things on their part. A Pudgy Pig and a Chunky Chicken back to back really displayed that weakness.

And all the posing! Wow! Everytime they did something in uniform, it was a pose. Even when they punched and kicked and spoke to each other, they had to pose. God help me, I actually missed that!

I probably should have been infuriated with the additions Disney had "revamped" it with. All the "Exclaimation!" balloons that popped up every once in a while during a fight scene and whatnot. Kind of like the 60's Batman, only less creative (instead of "POW!" and "BAM!" these said "PUNCH!" and "KICK!" Really? We can't do better than that?). I really didn't care as much as you would think I would have. Sure, it's a show I'm fond of, but it's still cheesy as hell.

After this experience, I dug up my old VHSes that I have boxed up and plucked out my copies of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie and Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. I just couldn't resist the temptation. I got a little taste of a childhood obsession and wanted more. The first one is a definate childhood treasure for me. Much more polished than most of the series, with CGI Zords to boot. Very early CGI. The CG in this movie is horrible. It's what would be considered direct to video quality now. But back then it was new and shiny. I'll never prefer it to good old men in rubber suits, but it was a fun change of pace. And most of all...Lord Zedd. God, I missed Lord Zedd. I forgot how awsome he was in every single way imaginable. Goldar was a warming presance too.

Then there was Turbo...this movie is much better when your 11, I'll tell you that much. So incredibly padded, and the villains blow (with the exception of Rita's cameo with a snoring Zedd). I never noticed what an obnoxious little s*** Justin was while watching this movie and Power Rangers: Turbo on the tube. And too little Megazord time. The Turbo Megazord was probably second only to the original Megazord as my favorite Megazord of the bunch, and it's appearance is much more barely there than I remember it.

The one fun experience I did have with Turbo upon revisiting it was the involvment of original Pink and Red Rangers Kimberly and Jason. When they were trying to escape from the villians submarine, I had a rather odd feeling I didn't think I should have felt while watching this lame movie...I actually cared whether they survived or not. Why? I hadn't seen these characters since I was a child. Why do I still care about them even though they were in a silly toy comercial series on Saturday Morning in the early 90's? I came to one conclusion. Reguardless of the intentions of those behind the series (that being ratings and $$$ in toy revenue), these characters meant something to me when I was a child. I grew up with them. I lived with them. I loved them. No glaring obviousnesses about the Power Rangers franchise in my adulthood will ever change that. When they became possessed by evil beings and turned against the Turbo Rangers at the end, I felt hurt and it pained me to watch it. What else would have that effect on me?

This weird experience propted me to pull out more Power Rangers tapes I had collected in my youth. I didn't have many. About 8 episodes, I think. It felt odd to me at first. Then I remembered that Power Rangers were on all the time when I was a kid, and I didn't really have much need in taping them. Except for five episodes in particular. The Green With Evil miniseries. Had to watch those first. Good f'in' stuff. Reminded me why I was so obsessed with this show when I was a kid. Tommy's arc, while childishly constructed, was facinating.

I have three more episodes. Two from the first season...and one more from that Alien Rangers series that preceeded Power Rangers: Zeo. I don't know how I ended up with that, but meh. I haven't watched them yet, but I feel like I should intend to. At least until next Saturday Morning.

For those of you who just don't get me, I don't blame you. But I think we all have that show from our childhood that we just love no matter what. Even if it doesn't turn out to be as good as we remember it. Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Power Rangers belong in that catagory for me.

Imagine being a young boy when it first came out. Power Rangers was like nothing else I had seen before on the kids show blocks. Yes, a dubbed release of Ultraman predated it by several decades, but I had never heard of Ultraman and I probably wouldn't have cared if someone tried to explain it to me. The original five were always my favorites. I liked Tommy too, or at least when he was first introduced. I came to dislike Tommy after he became the White Ranger and the Ranger's mentor, Zordon, just handed him the leadership role. What was wrong with Jason? I always thought that was such bulls***.

I stayed with it after Jason, Trini, and Zack were traded for Rocky, Aishia, and Adam (over pay disputes, I hear). I didn't really like the newbies (well, I kinda warmed to Adam over time), but whatever. When Kimberly bowed out in favor of Kat, I was disappointed (I never realized how much hotter Kat was than Kimberly until I became an adult). I stayed through Alien Rangers, though I wasn't entirely interested in that. Zeo started to lose me. All of the originals were gone (even the villians in favor of a bunch of stupid looking robots), sans Billy, who stayed on as a non-Ranger. Tommy counts for something, I guess, though. Then the Gold Ranger episodes happenned. When I found out they were going to have the Gold Ranger be an established character, I thought it had to be Billy. I was so excited to see him back as a Ranger. But then...it turned out to be Jason...

Jason...JASON!?!? I went absolutly nuts! Jason was back! He was a Power Ranger again! Too bad it wouldn't last long.

By Turbo, I was probably too old for the show, but I kept watching. I don't really know why. Superheroes, monsters, and robots, I guess. Tommy, Adam, and Kat were the only Rangers from Mighty Morphin' left, and midseason they left me with a group of newbies. Sigh. My childhood heroes suddenly went POOF!

I watched Power Rangers in Space in it's entirety. I remember that one being a lot of fun in spite of the lack of my Rangers. And I was thrilled that it closed a lot of plotlines dangling loose from way back in the Mighty Morphin' era. The show as I knew it was over.

What next? They're still doing Power Rangers? I watched the first episode of Lost Galaxy. I don't remember much about it. I don't think I thoguht it was bad, but I never watched another one. Power Rangers was officially over for me.

And here I am, all these years later, talking about them again. I didn't think this day would ever come. But it did. And I'm glad. I am happy I could relive Power Rangers. If there are any others here that watched it in their youths, I hope I helped you relive it with me.

This post is dedicated to the memory of Thuy Trang. Trini, the original Yellow Ranger.

Most of you probably know her as the Ranger that was a chick in the US but a dude in the Japanese stock footage (appearantly those who distributed it to us thought Yellow was a more feminine color). On September 3rd, 2001, Trang was tragicly killed in a car accident. She was only 27.

I had known this for several years, and it still saddens me. Unfortunatly Miss Trang didn't do much outside of Power Rangers. Those who knew her as I did as a Power Ranger may enjoy her as a villian in the film the Crow: City of Angels, though.

Rest in peace, Thuy. And I'll yell it one more time for you..SABER-TOOHED TIGER!

[Mighty Jack]

That's sad - I went and read her wiki, very sad indeed.

I thought it was funny that she (a Buddhist) did acting in a spot for Scientology. Hey, it's a gig.

In her honor I ordered a used copy of "Crow: City of Angels" for $5 - I'm tired of waiting for Netflix to carry it anyway, and now I can finally review it.

Edit:
I remember a year or so ago I was going to give you a hard time for recomending Turbo to me (to review), but the Pink Ranger was Hot, so I immediately forgave you.

[Torgo]

Crow: City of Angels is not a very good movie. Well, it's better than Turbo and Crow: Wicked Prayer (ugh...I had to remind myself of Wicked Prayer), but it's nowhere near the original.

That said, I greatly enjoyed Thuy in it. It was wierd seeing her play a bad guy, but I thought she did pretty well. In addition for Trang, watch for Thomas Jane (future Punisher) as one of the villians as well.

If I remember correctly, it was David Goyer's first comic adaptation. Preceeding the Blade films, Chris Nolan's Batman films, and even that TV Nick Fury movie. There's even a scene in a nudie booth (involving Tom Jane) that's much similar to the scene at the end of Blade II.

[Torgo]

You know...speaking of Gods and Monster...

Chapter II
This is a pen!? This...is a PEN!?

The title of this chapter is a nod to my girlfriend. Everytime she heard this line in the trailer of Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Theif, she just laughed.

Two of my most anticipated films of the year came out this weekend. What are my most anticipated films of 2010? To cut to the chase, they would be...

1. The Expendables
2. The Wolfman
3. Predators
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I
5. Inception
6. Iron Man 2
7. Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Theif
8. Toy Story 3
9. Cop Out
10. Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Some of you might "SAY WHAT?" at that list, but I'm gonna make no apologies for it. I liked those Wimpy Kid books, thank you very much. The film could go either way, but I'm still looking forward to it.

I am anticipating such films as Kick Ass, Clash of the Titans, and even Nightmare on Elm Street, but they just barely missed out on the list.

But I digress.

Two movies same weekend meant uber marathon time. This time, I dragged my girlfriend along. I told her the film choices, and she was more excited about Percy Jackson, so that's the one we went to first.

For a bit of backstory on this Percy Jackson kid, the film Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Theif is based upon the first novel in Rick Riordan's wildly enjoyable Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. Much like Harry Potter before it, the series bases itself around a trio of kids that arn't what you would call normal. Two of them, are children of the Greek Gods: Percy; son of Posidon, God of the sea; and Annabeth; daughter of Athena, Goddess of wisdom. The third is Grover, who is a satyr that was given the duty of Percy's protector. Throughout the series, they help their parents and magical creatures alike try and prevent a second war between the Gods and the Titans, the Gods' predecessors. In particular, a Titan named Kronos, father of Zues, Posidon, and Hades.

To add to the Harry Potter mischeif in the series, the books primarily take place at a summer camp for these children, dubbed Demigods and Half-Bloods, called Camp Half-Blood.

You see, instead of a school, it takes place at a summer camp! The two stories are completly different!

In spite of that, I found the book series to be wildly enjoyable. To chronicle both my girlfriend and I's fondness for the Percy Jackson stories, we have to rewind to last year. I don't remember what movie it was we saw the Percy Jackson teaser with (it might have been Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince), but it left us both equally unimpressed. I was starting to tire of fantasy genre false starts like Eragon and the Golden Compass (not to say that either film was actually any good), and even promising starts like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in which the franchise just kind of gives up on itself. My girlfriend, was turned off at the mention of Chris Columbus, who directed what she felt were the weakest entries in the Harry Potter series (it should be noted that I consider Columbus' Sorcerer's Stone to be superior to David Yates' Order of the Phoenix, but her's is definatly a view I understand).

Then in about November, I got sucked into "doing the boyfriend thing" and saw New Moon with a bunch of rowdy women who were in awe of every plotless, whine-filled minute. Though I will say it was better than the original, if only because the director seemed to be trying this time (the director being Chris Weitz, the one responsible for the afore mentioned Golden Compass debacle, not to mention co-directed American Pie and the Chris Rock flop Down to Earth with his brother). However, the only thing that made the experience worthwhile, for me, was seeing a very fun trailer for this Percy Jackson movie that I was uninterested in until this point.

Leaving the theater, I found myself still not a Twilight fan, but a potential Percy Jackson fan. I immediatly picked up the first book and started reading. I honestly hadn't had that much fun reading a book in a long time. It's snappy humor, wild adventure, and thrilling action, it was just what I needed to pick up the pieces of my manhood after yet another Twilight experience.

I was telling my girlfriend about it, she became interested too. She's always looking for a good book to read. Even if it's a bad one, she'll read it (and I have to listen to her happily complain about it until she's finished. About a week ago she bought a romance novel called the Highlander's Destiny, and she hated it. Now she's currently seeking out all the sequels and prequels. Go figure). She adored it just as much, if not moreso, than I did.

Within the next few months, we read the rest of the series: the Sea of Monsters, the Titan's Curse, the Battle of the Labyrinth, and the Last Olympian. I can't speak for here, but Titan's Curse and Last Olympian were my faves. We both found ourselves eagerly anticipating the feature film version of the first novel.

Then we actually saw it.

I want to make it clear that it was a fun movie, but it lacked the emotion and heart of the book it was based upon. I had to cushion myself for disappointment early on when Percy Jackson watches his mother disappear into golden dust in front of his eyes, supposedly dead, yet Percy doesn't even shed a tear for her. I can't understand what type of filmmakers wouldn't convey emotion for a mother's death.

I thought everyone had seen Bambi.

The structure of the film that follows is radically different than what the book laid out. In the book it was a road trip to Los Angelas to reach the Underworld and seek out Hades, who is suspected as the mastermind behind the theft of Zues' "master bolt," a powerful god weapon that creates lightning. In the film, Percy and his friends know Hades doesn't have it and Hades thinks they have it and threatens them, and they seek him out to convince him that they have been falsly accused for the crime. Most of their adventures in the film revolved around magic pearls which assured their escape from the Underworld.

I want to make my position on film adaptations of novels clear, I am not against change. I'm for anything that makes the movie work. Given how faithful Chris Columbus was to the Harry Potter series, though, I'm quite suprised how much they deviated from the source material this time around. The Oracle, the prophecy, Mr. D, the story of Thalia, and even (most painfully of all, IMO) Percy's duel with Ares, the God of war, were all left on the cutting room floor. I'm left wondering just how they intend to set up future instalments of the series should the Percy Jackson series continue.

But, then again, I understand their reasoning to. The film had to stand on it's own, I suppose. The last thing we need is set up with no payoff, should a sequel not be made. That was what the film adaptations of Eragon and the Golden Compass suffered from. I'm intrigued as to how the rest of the series might play out should the film hit it big.

Who would enjoy this big screen outing of Percy Jackson and his friends? If you're a purist of the books who can't get past the age jump of the characters (Percy and Annabeth were 12 in the novels, and 16 in the film, this was probably done to distance itself from Harry Potter as far as possible), then don't see it. Read your book. You'll be happier. Children, both fans and non-fans alike, will probably dig it. Adults who haven't read the series will be left unimpressed, but not disgusted or bored.

Me? It was just alright. I felt the film was too damn afraid of expositon. Columbus got a lot of crap for staying too close to the Harry Potter novels a decade ago, and Percy Jackson kind of suffers as a result. It keeps moving and moving without fully explaining why. I imagine looking too deeply into the film will cause confusion, but if you will just sit back and let the film take you, you might have fun.

I have a feeling everything bugged my girlfriend a lot more than it did me, though.

Afterward, we got dinner (Chinese. YUM!) and went to see the Wolfman. I could tell my girlfriend wasn't looking forward to this one. Not a horror fan, that one is. Last Halloween, I thought it would be fun to do a Universal Monsters marathon (she hadn't seen any of them). I planned on us carving pumpkins to the beat of Dracula, Frankenstien, Bride of Frankenstien, the Wolf Man, and Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstien. We made it halfway through the Wolf Man before I realized she just wasn't into it and we called it a night.

Don't overly judge her though. She's a fan of golden oldies. In fact, when the Wolf Man started, she perked up when she saw Claude Rains in the opening credits. She just doesn't share my love of monster movies.

The modern Wolfman looked slick from the trailers. I showed a trailer to her once and it appealed to the Tim Burton fan within her, she just couldn't munster any excitment for a movie in which she didn't even fully get through the original, at least from my understanding.

The movie was a more positive experience for the both of us than Percy Jackson. Like Percy, the film deviated quite a bit from it's source material. Unlike Percy, the film worked better as it's own entity.

Lots of gore and makeup in this one. The lass at my side kept going "Ew!" every two seconds. Acting twas a little bland. Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins are merly servicible, and in Hugo Weaving's first scene, it was obvious that he was going to try and overdo it again.

I had turned to my girl and said "He's Agent Smith-ing!" We both jumped up and down in our seats and went "Yaaaaaaaaaay!" in giddy excitment.

When the film ended, I felt as if I liked it, but it was not appeal to the artistic fancy that Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula did or the wild adveturous "Yeehaw!" of Stephen Sommer's the Mummy. It was a much more even effort than Kenneth Branaugh's Frankenstien, though, and it's one that I'd watch again.

Much to my surprise, my girlfriend, who so wasn't looking forward to seeing it, shouted out "That was AWSOME!" as the credits rolled. It's Sleepy Hallow style seemed to strike quite a chord with her. She's now a little more eager to finish the film she went home during last October.

[Mighty Jack]

That damn Percy Jackson, he's the reason Riordan stopped writing his Tres Navarre mysteries. I had hoped they were a passing fancy, a diversion. That he would soon return to Navarre, but that damn Percy snowballed out of controll... and now he has a damn movie. From Hells heart I spit at thee Percy Jackson! Give me back my Tres!

I'm looking foreward to that damn Iron Man 2, the damn Toy Story 3 and the damn Harry Potter... I'll probably see the damn Robin Hood because Cate Blanchett is my favorite damned actress.

I'm also wondering of we will ever see Solomon Kane or Defendor in the United damn States

[Torgo]

In the month since my las post I saw another movie on my top 10 anticipation list, Cop Out. I ultimately wanted to see it because I'm a big fan of Kevin Smith's films.

Honestly, it sucked so bad I don't want to waste an entire blog post on it. So instead you're getting this one.

Chapter III
Grr...Arg...

If anybody can guess what that title is a reference to, congrats. You're as big a nerd as I am.

About a week ago, the girlfriend was loading music on her iPod. She was very excited about some of the music. I have very little interest in music, myself. Never really connected to it like everyone else.

She claimed the songs she was downloading at the moment came from something she had recently seen on her Netflix Instant Watch. She was now totally obsessed with a movie called Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathon Fillion. She played this song for me...

The story is there's a failed supervillian trying to impress his more esteemed alumni with his evil inventions, while trying to win the heart of a woman who is currently dating his superhero arch-nemisis, Captain Hammer.

I'll explain something about myself to the readers at home, despite my non-interest in music, I have been known to like musicals. However, the musicals I treasure above all others or ones that tend to have a more comic element to them. Stuff like Little Shop of Horrors or South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Straight faced musicals always felt a little forced to me, while ones aiming to satirize the genre flow a little more superiorly. I immediatly took a liking to Dr. Horrible.

Then she mentioned it was made by Joss Whedon. Another thing to learn about both of us, we adore Joss Whedon. He is probably my favorite writer currently working a big inspiration on myself.

I found it curious that I had never heard of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, and immediatly Wikied it. Was it a movie? A TV special? The damn thing was only 40 minutes long. What the hell was it? Turns out it was posted in three segments on the internet a few years back. It achieved great numbers and was then released on DVD to great success as well. Not only that, a Blu-Ray is coming out in the near future.

A Blu-Ray. For an internet movie. Wow. I'm still waiting for certain movies to be released on DVD and Dr. Horrible gets a Blu-Ray. Not to say it doesn't deserve one, but it doesn't exactly scream "Must have best picture quality!"

Now there's talk about a sequel on a rise. One that could be another net post, direct to DVD, or even theatrical. I have to admit, a theatrical remake might be cool, with more elaborate sets and costumes, but lets face it, Whedon has his fanbase, but his work hasn't really gone mainstream.

Dare I mention Firefly? Oh sure, you can bring up Serenity, but while it's DVD/HD-DVD/Blu-Ray numbers were all well and good, it did kind of fizzle at the box office.

That said, if that clip above got your attention, check out Dr. Horrible. It's 40 minutes of your life well spent.

This got me thinking about Joss Whedon's career, which is the primary subject of today's blog post. Unfortunatly, this post comes hot off the failure of his latest television show, Dollhouse, but I'm sure he'll get another show off the ground. Just maybe not at Fox. They gave him two chances (three if you count Dollhouse's second season) and he failed to produced numbers.

On a digressive note, since he created hits for both UPN and the WB, I have to wonder why their bastard step-child, the CW, hasn't approached him for another series. On would think that would be a smart move. But, I guess they have Smallville, a more melodramatic and lesser-written Buffy the Vampire Slayer, for the time being.

Films

I have to admit, a lot of the films he has helped write got a "Really? from me as a reaction. A couple I had known about, others rose an eyebrow or two.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - This is an obvious one. A silly little film that became a modest hit that would have been forgotten in time if it weren't for a certain superior TV series.

My sister loved this movie when it came out. But that was less because it was a good movie and more because it had Luke Perry for her to faun over (for those young-in's out there, he was a co-star on a hit 90's show called Beverly Hills 90210). I honestly only watched this film after subjecting myself to every episode of the series and I was curious.

Maybe it's my love of the TV show that's clouding my judgment, but I honestly tried to judge this film on it's own terms. It truly bites. While Whedon's script holds some promise, it seems to me like no one knew how to use it.

To bad the television series never bothered to remake it, instead opting to sequelize the unseen, unused original story. It might have been worthwhile.

Speed - Whedon wrote the script for this 1994 Keanu Reeves movie, but was rewriten and he went uncredited. According to reports, Whedon wrote most of the dialogue ("Shoot the hostage."), while credited writer Graham Yost did most of the action.

I love this movie, and I have just discovered it was a part of Whedon's filmography. Now I have an extra reason why. It has it's weak points (Keanu is terrible, though I love to watch him try), it's an action thrill ride I can never say no to.

The Getaway - Wrote a draft of this Alec Baldwin moive. I haven't seen it.

Waterworld - Wrote a draft of this infamous flop. It was reportedly thrown out. I haven't seen this movie and have no desire to.

Toy Story - Oh yes, Whedon is credited as having helped write the script for Pixar's classic original movie. It's fun to try and pick out which pieces of dialogue might be his (stuff like "OK, Mr. Lite Beer, prove it!").

I've loved this movie ever since I was a child and probably always will. It's a fun concept with intelegent writing. Great stuff for the young ones too.

I must say Joss Whedon and Pixar is a partnership I hope happens again someday. The results could be grand.

Alien: Resurrection - Joss Whedon meets popular science fiction franchise. Awsome, right? Unfortunatly no. Whedon himself even has a low opinion of the film. Citing that they delivered every aspect of his script the wrong way.

I love Whedon, and hate this movie, but I have to disagree with him. Aspects of this script do work, but I don't think Joss's writing style fit in with the Alien series as well as he had hoped. Most of Whedon's snappy dialogue flowing through Sigourney Weaver's mouth falls flat. It just didn't feel right for such a somber and humorless series.

I'm constantly at war with myself over which is the worse film in the Alien series, this one or Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. Both are crap for different reasons. I lean toward Requiem, though, so Resurrection might not have the distinction of being the worst in my mind.

Titan AE - Whedon co-wrote this animated flop with frequent collaberator (and creator of the Tick) Ben Edlund.

I tried to watch this movie when it hit cable. I turned it off halfway through. It was obvious it was trying to be fun, it just wasn't. It grew tiresome and I haven't ever bothered to watch it since.

This was before I knew who Whedon was, mind you. I might give the film another shot some day. But not soon.

X-Men - Whedon wrote an abandoned treatment for the film. The only thing to survive from it was...

Wolverine: "Hey! It's me!"
Cyclops: "Prove it!"
Wolverine: "You're a dick."
Cyclops: "Okay."

The final movie managed to be pretty good. Far better than the sequels, IMO. Especially the overrated and overlong X2. I don't think the original is given the credit it deserves.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire - Whedon wrote a treatment to one of Disney's last ditch efforts to save it's 2D animation legacy before 3D became the new "it." I haven't seen this movie.

Serenity - The feature film finale of the television series Firefly. This was the film that sparked my interest in Whedon, and it's a doozy. Lots of fun, smart sci-fi.

Television

Joss Whedon has created four television shows that have developed obsessive cult audiences. They're what audiences will primarily remember him for, no doubt. He also has written for the sitcom Roseanne, and directed for the Office, two shows I hold in high regard. He has also worked on Parenthood and Glee, both of which I have never watched.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - It took me a while to give this series a chance. Long after it had been cancelled, in fact. I always associated Buffy with that movie my sister had loved so much when she was a preteen, and the concept of a TV show just made me wonder "Why?" I wasn't aware of it's more distinctive internet popularity until I joined the message boards of www.comingsoon.net in 2001, when the fans successfully talked the moderators into creating a forum to discuss it and it's spin-off show, Angel. They were the only television shows on the board that had their own forum (they attempted forums for Survivor and the Mole afterward, but both failed). I was curious about why this was, but never looked into it.

Years later, I found that they were selling the Buffy seasons at Wal-Mart for 15 bucks a pop. Being a fan of Whedon's work on Firefly and Serenity, I picked up a two pack that featured the first seasons of Buffy and Angel. Watching the first few episodes of Buffy, I was enchanted by the series and purchases season 2...and 3...and 4...and 5...you get the picture.

Season 1 - Buffy's first season is a simplistic joy. A storyline of teenage girl vs. vampires told over the course of 12 episodes.

The show was very much a teen show, but what caught me off guard was just how much it related itself to what probably could have been everyone's high school experience. This appealed the aging old foagie in me as well. The shows wit and humor hooked me, as well. God help me, I was cheering Buffy on as she returned from the dead to kick the Master's ass at the end of the last episode.

Season 2 - The second go around is an improvment upon the first. Much more exciting writing coupled with some of the best villians I have ever seen. My favorite episode of the series (let alone the season), School Hard, is the introduction of Spike (brilliantly played by James Marsters). And my runnerups all take place later in the season, as Buffy's vampiric lover, Angel, loses the human soul that was keeping him in line, and turns into the sinister Angelus.

During the course of the first seasons of Buffy, I didn't like the character of Angel all that much. I thought he was a forced love interest. But I adored him as Angelus. At the time, I thought it was because the actor, David Boreanaz, played a better villian than a hero. Then the film the Crow: Wicked Prayer proved me wrong. There goes that idea.

Season 3 - This season has an amazing reputation online, and while I like it, I liked it least of the first three seasons.

The concept of a second slayer being born as a result of Buffy's brief death at the end of the first season is a good one. So good it was addressed in the previous season. However, that throwaway character was thankfully killed off by the season's end and we were introduced to Faith in her place, a slayer who is out of control and finds herself siding with the bad guy. Unfortunatly, Faith is a great idea for a character flatly executed. Eliza Dushku ably plays her well enough to merely be passable. Ultimately, I just wanted Buffy to end her sorry existance and so I could be done with her and move on.

The main baddie is the Mayor of Buffy's town of Springwood, and his attempt to ascend into a vile monster and devour the graduates of Springwood High. It's minorly interesting, but never really struck me as particularly strong. The Mayor was played as a villian who showed only his good side, a bright, perky Mr. Rogers type. An intelegent twist on a evil being, but one that grew old.

Another point that I disliked about this season was the addition of Seth Green as a full cast member. I like Green, but the character of Oz is useless. He rarely ever did anything other than sit around. I fail to see what was gained in his addition.

Say what you will about Family Guy, but at least that show knows how to use Seth Green.

Season 4 - After three strong seasons, Buffy falls flat in her fourth. I partially assume that more effort was made at the time to make the spin off series, Angel, as good a show as it could be while Buffy rided it out with minimal effort.

The storylines are a bore; Buffy's non-vampire love interest, Riley, has about zero points of interest; and the villians are pretty crap. Even Spike's involvment in the season can't save it, as he is all but castrated. A chip is planted in his head that prevents him from being able to attack a human, which kind of eases up on his badassness. He would keep this chip until season 6, much to my disappointment.

Even the season's much loved pantomime episode, Hush, failed to generate a strong reaction from me. This season is as dull as Buffy ever got.

Season 5 - Buffy fights a god in the form of a whiney drama queen, and it's still better than the previous season.

Originally set to be the last season, the fifth gives us a few interesting storylines. Buffy gets a sister out of nowhere, and the cast acts as if she was always there. This story starts strange but plays out rather brilliantly. I also enjoyed Spike's crush on Buffy, and his robot sex doll in her form was awsome.

The season is overall stronger than the shows true final season, though I must say I prefer that seasons finale to the one provided here. Season 5 shows Buffy sacrificing her life to save the world, a great death for a slayer, and while it has impact, it lacks tidy conclusion.

Season 6 - Buffy moves to a new network, and the result is gold. The UPN seasons the harped on a lot, but I rather likt this one. The trio of nerd villians made me smile broadly and Buffy's witch friend Willow going ballistic was a highlight.

I also liked the revelation that Buffy was resurrected and "saved" from what may have been Heaven, causeing Buffy to go into a depression for the first half of the season. It's reasonable and daring writing.

Let it be said that the musical episode; Once More, With Feeling; makes a grand companion piece to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

Season 7 - Buffy's final season is a weaker one, but with points of interest. The villian is lacking, but the gathering of potential slayers is a great storyline to finish out on.

And who can't love Nathon Fillion as a badass priest?

Angel - I had a lukewarm response to the character of Angel on Buffy. I felt his romance with Buffy didn't work (however, upon watching two bland Twilight movies since has caused me to reevaluate their relationship with a newfound fondness). I wasn't looking forward to watching his own series, to tell the truth. I didn't see any potential in it.

How wrong was I? Angel is my favorite of Joss Whedon's series. The storytelling was all over the place, but the characters and script writing was bold and top notch.

Season 1 - The first season takes Angel and Cordelia, a popular school bimbo on Buffy, and sets them in Los Angelas (get it? City of Angels?), where they set up a supernatural dectective agency with a new character named Doyle, a demon who has a "sight" that can tell them when something bad is about to go down.

Reportedly, Whedon and the showrunners felt Doyle wasn't working as a character, and chose to kill him off after 10 episodes (what a bum deal). The "sight" was passed on to Cordelia, and a minor character from Buffy's third season, Wesley, was reintroduced to fill in the trio gap.

It may not sound like much interesting, but I have a thing for supernatural stories that revolve around a "business" that deals with them. You know, stuff like Ghostbusters and the X-Files? I was uneasy about Angel for it's first few episodes but I soon found myself infatuated with the series.

What it impressed me the most was that it took Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley, two dimensional beings that served only to stir emotional reactions in Buffy, and made into actual characters. The evolution of the three throughout the series is about as amazing as character development gets.

The group of Buffy crossovers are highlights, but overall, it stands on its own well enough.

Season 2 - A step down, but it's a fun ride. It introduces the Lorne, a green demon who is empathic with those who sing. He's a character I've been up and down with. Everytime I think I'm about liking him, I think better of it and become unsure again. I really don't know what to think of him.

Not bad, nothing spectacular. Good stuff.

Season 3 - Steady greatness, with an interesting storyline of a vampire pregnancy that could mark the apocolypse, and Angel is the father!

The arc is well handled and I was hooked all season.

Season 4 - Starts off strong, but dwindles halfway through. Cordelia's roll as a villian is interesting but kind of fells just a little wrong.

Then the Jasmine arc begins, which lasts a little too long, if you ask me. I understand Whedon wanting to honor the cancelation of Firefly by giving Gina Torres a role (Nathon Fillion was given a roll in Buffy season 7), but the entire storyline winds up an annoyance.

Season 5 - Figures. Just as Angel is getting more interesting than ever before, it gets cancelled. This season, Angel takes over the villianous law firm Wolfram & Hart and attempts to straighten it out. Hot off the cancelation of Buffy, Spike reemerges as Angel's new unlikely sidekick.

This is great, compelling stuff. I loved pretty much the entire season, and it's probably the best television season produced by Whedon. Too bad it wasn't continued on from here. Though the After the Fall comic book series was a good consolation prize.

Don't miss Smile Time. It's a must see.

Firefly - One of the most popular less-than-one-season shows of all time (though, I doubt nothing will ever top Police Squad, which spawned the Naked Gun movie series), I was aware of Firefly when it aired, but chose not to watch it. I was heavy on Star Trek at the time, and Enterprise got most of my attention.

I watched the feature film Serenity, and was impressed. I blind bought the series and had a grand old time. Loved the characters, loved the premise, if only it could have unfolded, it could have been spectacular. While the series kind of lags in the middle, it's worth checking out as a whole.

Dollhouse - I don't care what whining Terminator fanboys say, the Sarah Connor Chronicles sucked. It may have beat Dollhouse in the ratings, but qualitywise, Dollhouse earned another season far more than that drawn out chore of a series.

When Dollhouse premiered, I was under the impression is was some sort of chick show, so I skipped it. It wasn't until later that I learned it was Whedon's new sci-fi show. I was already behind, so I decided to catch up on it on DVD.

Season 1 - A little dry compared to Whedon's other output, but I liked it well enough. The idea of a "Dollhouse" that imprints personalities for multi-purposes was facinating. What was missing was Whedon's trademark wit (mostly), and the series was a little dull as a result.

It provided enough intrigue for me to finish all 13 episodes, including it's bizarre season finale.

Season 2 - I started watching the second, and final, season, but wound up too busy to finish it. What I saw was strong, and I will definatly finish it up on DVD.

Ranked TV Seasons 'Acause I Can:
Angel Season 5
Angel Season 3
Angel Season 1
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2
Firefly
Angel Season 4
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 6
Angel Season 2
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 1
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 3
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 5
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 7
Dollhouse Season 1
Dollhouse Season 2
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 4

Comic Books

Whedon probably had the biggest success in comics, an artform where most of his fanbase lies. Mainstream-wise, Whedon had a successful run on the Marvel comic series Astonishing X-Men. I haven't read it, but I hear great things.

Most of the stuff I've seen in this medium comes spun off from this successful television shows. Namely Buffy "Season 8," Angel: After the Fall, and Serenity.

I must say I really enjoy the continuations of Buffy and Angel. I haven't finished all the stories on either, but am greatly looking forward to it.

The Serenity books, on the other hand, felt a little dry to me. I'll buy more as they come out, but I'm not really anticipating them.

And of course, there's Dr. Horrible...

But I've already said enough.

[Torgo]

It's been a long time since I played around in here, I just didn't have the energy to write anything in it. Today I do, because we're in the aftermath of Warner Bros.'s announcement that they're in production of a Justice League movie, which just happened to coincide with the Avengers film taking the world by storm. Coincidence? Of course it is! I'm sure WB was just taking their time to make sure it was right, and not pulling their hair out because they were dicking around with their franchises while Marvel stole their thunder on something that they should have been capable of doing long ago.

I'm sure of it. Yes indeedy.

Chapter IV

Don't F*** Up, WB! I Know Where Bugs Bunny Lives!

The Avengers wasn't nearly as good as many people make it out to be. It was fun, but it was a pretty shallow piece of eye candy, which was the opposite of what I thought of its lead up films (save the crummy Iron Man 2) where there were great characters telling a solid story. Avengers had great characters, but didn't really have a story.

Knowing there's a bit of room for improvement, I expect/hope for more in Avengers 2. But if Justice League is genuinely in development, maybe I can look to that in hopes that it can be the satisfying film that Avengers fell short on.

But then I remembered this is the studio that produced Catwoman, Green Lantern, Jonah Hex, Batman Returns, Batman & Robin, Steel...



I want to be encouraging, but these are the people who let Joss Whedon slip through their hands on Wonder Woman, and then he went and did THE BIGGEST SUPERHERO MOVIE OF ALL TIME. Why did he leave? I'll let Mr. Whedon explain it to you himself.

"I would go back in a heartbeat if I believed that anybody believed in what I was doing. The lack of enthusiasm was overwhelming"

What I gather from this quote is that Warner wasn't interested in making a good Wonder Woman movie. They were just interested in selling a Wonder Woman movie, because a brand name is bankable. After seeing the soulless, botched job they did with Green Lantern, I can believe this 100% percent, because that was the exact feeling I got from the movie I was watching. It's 15 years since Batman & Robin, and I am shocked and appalled that they didn't learn a single goddamn lesson from it.

The fact that the news of a Justice League movie comes not even a month after the break away success of Avengers doesn't fill me with a lot of confidence. It sounds like they're doing it for the money. Granted that keeps the studios running, but if you don't pay attention to quality, you belly flop ala Green Lantern. A consumer can sense when nobody's trying, and repeat business will make or break a movie with a budget that high. Green Lantern failed because nobody wanted to see it again, even if they didn't think it was that bad.

I know Warner would never listen to my advice concerning this movie. But what do I think is the best way possible to handle this movie? I'm glad you didn't ask, because I'm telling you anyway!

1. Work with Man of Steel and not against it.

When I first heard about the Justice League movie, I thought to myself "This is great news for Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Flash, but really sh*tty news for Superman." Sources are claiming that next year's Superman reboot, Man of Steel, is going to have continuity with Justice League. But was it conceived and made thinking maybe it would lead up to it?

Normally I'd be all for screwing Zack Snyder over (thanks for wasting my goddamn time with Sucker Punch, asshole), but the last thing Superman needs is another reboot. Win, lose, or draw don't kick Man of Steel out and start over (unless it's really...reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaally bad). We don't need it to be like the Punisher, which is a franchise with the hiccups (a trilogy of reboots?). If you start this, you better be willing to go the distance with it (The Incredible Hulk's underwhelming box office didn't keep Avengers down, even if Edward Norton dropped out).

But I do feel a bit of pity for the crew of Man of Steel. They made this film stand alone, maybe to build it's own solo franchise, and it got sucked into this Justice League vortex whether it likes it or not. I really hope Snyder and company were consulted about this and are cool with it. If I were in charge of it and I wasn't, I'd be beyond irritated about it, because you'd be building your franchise in one direction and suddenly discover it's branching off into another.

Look at Jon Favreau. He struggled with setting up the Avengers, so much so that Iron Man 2 suffered for it, butchering the main story for obvious buildup. The final film was so dissatisfying that he passed on directing both Avengers and Iron Man 3.

I wouldn't mind losing Snyder nearly as much, but I hope there's an effort to make what he's building fit in with what Justice League will be and not the other way around.

2. Batter Up!

Superman's new film is already in production and Batman's ready to be rebooted with Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale bowing out of the series next month (and let's face it, who wants more movies in that series if we can never see the Joker again?). The question that needs to be asked is what movies need to be made to build up to it. Marvel chose to introduce Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America and let Black Widow and Hawkeye speak for themselves. What films are necessary for Justice League to work?

Quite simply, it's time to put up or shut up. Make Wonder Woman and the Flash. There's no use in waiting anymore. Of all the superhero movies we've seen in the last decade alone, these were the two most glaring omissions. Why haven't these been made yet? Because Warner wants to concentrate on Batman and Superman, and they get scared when their lesser properties don't make bank. You want to know why they didn't make bank, Warner? Because you chose to do Steel and Jonah Hex. Why in the name of god did you greenlight a Lobo movie before a f***ing Wonder Woman movie? That reasoning is why you fail Warner. You're lucky you have Christopher Nolan on your side, otherwise you'd be a complete loss.

Fortunately movement is already being seen on these projects. Wonder Woman has Michael Goldenberg penning the script, who wrote one of the lesser Harry Potter movies and unfortunately turned in a draft of Green Lantern. He seems like a mediocre choice, yet it must be noted that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was fairly solid despite being weak for the franchise (and it had a full hour cut out as well, so the shortcomings might not have been Goldenberg's fault). As for Green Lantern, Goldenberg was only one of four writers, so just what influence he had on the film can't be said by anyone but him. For all we know, the most decent qualities came from his influence. Warner reportedly already has a draft of the Flash from several years ago penned by the other three Green Lantern writers: Greg Berlanti, Michael Green, & Marc Guggenheim. Whether they intend to use it or not remains to be seen.

But what about the other founding members of the Justice League? There's a big questionmark around Aquaman. Despite his status as a founding member of the JLA, he's noticeably neglected when it comes to depictions of the group in recent years. When a live action Justice League of America pilot film was ordered, he was dropped (along with Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman, who were replaced by Fire, Ice, and Atom). When Justice League made it's triumphant return to animated television a decade ago, he was replaced by the obscure Hawkgirl, who was reportedly added to make the lineup more diverse (along with the John Stewart version of Green Lantern). He appeared on the show every once in a while, but not often.

Aqua did have the distinct honor of being up for his own live action television series, starring Justin Heartly (Green Arrow from Smallville), which would have put him in the ranks of Superman (who had four), Batman, Wonder Woman (who almost had two), and the Flash (cancelled after one season, but that was a damn fun show). Green Lantern and Martian Manhunter never got a shot at that, though both were portrayed (poorly) in the Justice League pilot.

I'd hate to snub Aquaman myself, after all the crap he's put up with over the years, and I'd love to have all the originals in the movie (after the sad omission of Ant-Man and Wasp from the Avengers). But the truth is he's a very limited character. If he's going to be in the Justice League movie, you have to be damn sure you can use him before you write him in. If I were writing the script, I'd keep him in the back of my head but not shoe-horn him in unless I can find a place for him. If the story is water based or has something to do with the sea, by all means. But if it's primarily on land, there's nothing for him to do except sit him on the bench. But don't force a scenario just so you can include him. That's playing a dangerous game of dominoes. Therefor I recommend holding off on his own film for now, and if you can use him in Justice League, use him and build his franchise after JL. If not, then wait for the time to be right.

Martian Manhunter is a simpler solution. I'd very much like to see him in the film, mostly because I highly doubt that giving him his own solo movie is on Warner's radar (but then again, they're making a Lobo movie). Use Justice League as MM's origin story, and if the people are interested, build solo films around him. If not, use him as a JL-exclusive. Either way, Manhunter wins, because I doubt we'd have ever seen him on film outside of Justice League.

As for the other two Leaguers who have had movies of their own, I feel very strongly that Batman shouldn't have a lead-in film. I love Batman, but he's been done to death. Everyone knows his story and telling it again would be redundant. We don't need his reboot two years after the Dark Knight Rises. Let Justice League launch the reboot series. Stemming from that, what I'd like to see from the next Batman series is the next logical step after Nolan so masterfully explored Batman's first years is to portray a well established Batman. One who is in the middle of his war on crime, perhaps just starting his training of Robin. We don't need another origin movie. Just. Don't. Do. It.

And then there's...sigh...

3. What to do with Green Lantern?

I felt this deserved it's own entry. Green Lantern was such a f*** up in every sense of the word. Granted it was more mediocre than horrible, but it's sad that mediocre is so damned frustrating. Nobody's more critical of Green Lantern than me, but when it comes to the question of whether or not to reboot it, I don't care.

But why would I be implying that I don't mind that Justice League be connected to the lifeless 2011 take on such a powerful character? Green Lantern was a tremendous letdown, but the truth is that it was no better or worse than Iron Man 2. If that movie made as little money as GL, then Marvel/Disney/Paramount would be crying and calling reboot as well (but luckily they had a much better film leading into it, which was a luxury GL didn't have). The truth is that I'm tired of Warner running away from these properties like a squirrel. Probably the best thing about a Justice League movie (aside from finally giving us Wonder Woman and Flash) is that it will force Warner into a decision regarding whether they want to continue Green Lantern on its current course or not. I'd like to see Ryan Reynolds come back, because he was one of the more tolerable things about the movie, but won't be crying a river if he doesn't (and I'm one of the ones who were upset over Norton dropping out as the Hulk. Thank god Mark Ruffalo was fantastic in the role). Just make that decision and make it quick.

But either way, sequel or reboot, I think the road is clear: let Justice League sell the character. Marvel had the same problem with the Hulk after the reboot underwhelmed. If you choose to release a reboot film before Justice League, I guarantee you you'll see the same results. No matter how good it could be, people won't be interested because they didn't like the movie that came before it, and for the average moviegoer that would be the only subjection to the character that they have had. But Marvel solved their own problem with the Avengers. They wisely stuck the Hulk in the movie and let him cut loose, and now demand for a new Hulk movie is the highest it's been since before Ang Lee's movie came out.

What I would like is the same treatment for Green Lantern. Put him in the movie, Reynolds or not, and let him show the audience what he can do. Let the public decide if they want the franchise or not. Pending that opinion, if positive, do Green Lantern 2 or Green Lantern Rebooted, if not...I guess we won't be seeing a solid Sinestro story anytime soon...

But if I were to lean toward one, I'd say accept the Green Lantern film into continuity. It told an origin story, and like Batman, we don't need another one. Neither choice would be very harmful, because the damage has been done, so there is very little harm in adding it to the Justice League line-up. Maybe we should just cut the movie some slack and see what happens. Just don't dump $200 million down the drain with the next one.

4. NO ALIENS!

I know it's tough to find a reason why Superman would need help from anyone to combat anything other than a more powerful extraterrestrial force, but it's been done. Hell, Avengers didn't even feel that fresh when it did it either. It came less than a year after Transformers: Dark of the Moon, which had a finale all to similar. The merits of the latter film are debatable, but sitting through such familiar sequences in the former didn't make me fonder of the actual film. And if Justice League does it, I have a sinking feeling there will be no saving the film.

The only alien I will accept is Darkseid, because he's one of the baddest motherf***ers the JL will ever go up against. If not, alien invasion is not an option. Start accepting alternate pitches. Moving on...

5. What's this "And the rest" crap?

Black Widow and Hawkeye were triumphant additions to the Avengers, even if it meant snubbing Ant-Man and Wasp. But for Justice League, I think we should stick with the founding members and build off from that. It's not that I don't have faith in the second tiers from DC's line-up, it's just that I don't want this movie to become overcrowded.

If there were another addition to the team, the emerald archer Green Arrow would be a prime choice, but I'm going to say no to him for the same reason I wrote #4 up there: It's been done. It's unfair, because Arrow predates Hawkeye, but the similarity between the too characters is too strong.

If one wanted more vaginas on the team (and who wouldn't?), I would like to pimp out Black Canary. Maybe I'm biased, because she's a long time favorite of mine that I would like to see a movie or TV show based upon sometime, and she's just...so hot. Even if she's not popular, her sex appeal would get men in those seats just as Black Widow did for Avengers. Other female candidates: Stargirl, Powergirl, Supergirl, Fire, Ice, or even Hawkgirl.

Speaking of Hawkgirl, Hawkman would make an amazing addition to the team if a slot was opened up. The visuals you could do with him would be breathtaking, which is why I'd choose him to be my number one understudy in DC's second stringers. I have a gut feeling that, like the Hulk in Avengers, he would be the breakout character of the film.

But ultimately, I'd say no to the addition of anyone. The truth of the matter is that you don't really need anyone else except the DC primaries. That's why I recommend the line-up be kept with the classics:

1. Superman
2. Batman
3. Wonder Woman
4. The Flash
5. Green Lantern
6. Martian Manhunter
Wildcard: Aquaman

Stick with them, and I think you'll be on the right track.

Well, I've spent enough time writing about superheroes. Right now that's all I have to say on the matter. I'll definitely have more opinions as more news develops. I'm hoping for the best with this project and hope it goes somewhere.

But I'd like to reiterate my point: Don't screw up.

[Torgo]

Happy new year, folks! This is Torgo here checking in. My stay is just a brief smidge, for I got places to go and people to kill.

But I stand attention today as a fanboy, because I unearthed some write-ups on my computer, which I wrote about a year ago as a writing exorcise. What are they? Episode reviews of the television series Sliders. Why did I write them? Because Sliders is f***ing awesome. Well, kind of awesome. Actually it's extremely nerdy and not very awesome at all. But I love it anyway.

I wrote these as the fifth season debuted on DVD, so I thought I'd share them after we brought in the new year in celebration of the fact that we didn't all die a week ago. You don't like it? Tough cookies.

Let's get it on!



Let us start in a San Francisco basement...

Premise

Local college egghead Quinn Mallory (Jerry O’Connell, Stand by Me) has invented a machine that opens up some sort of vortex. Quinn decides the best way to find out where it goes is to go right through it, so he rigs up a timer and jumps through the portal. But on the other side, he finds only his basement. Disappointed, he heads to school only to find out that the entire world has been turned upside down: alternated traffic signals, dead celebrities still alive and kicking, and his mother has been blessed with child by their beloved gardener, Jake. But as the timer hits zero, Quinn is sucked back into the vortex back home. Quinn had just visited another dimension, an alternate Earth where history had played out in a different way.

Excited, Quinn sets out to tell his teacher, Professor Maximilian Arturo (John Rhys-Davies, Raiders of the Lost Ark, the Lord of the Rings trilogy), only to find him furious at him for speaking ill of his theories straight to his face. Yet Quinn did no such thing. Confused, Quinn heads to work, only to find out he was fired for telling off his boss, and kissed fellow coworker, Wade Welles (Sabrina Lloyd, Sports Night, Numb3rs). Unable to comprehend this (to Wade’s disappointment), Quinn returns home, confused. However, in his basement he finds himself, a double from another dimension. The alternate Quinn explains that it was he who was disrupting Quinn’s life all day and tells Quinn about inter-dimensional travel, which he calls “sliding.” But soon, this second Quinn’s time expires and he is sucked back into his own dimension.

Quinn contacts Professor Arturo and Wade and tells them to come to his house, where he will explain everything. Once there, he opens a vortex in front of their very own eyes and explains sliding to them. With Arturo reluctant and Wade enthusiastic, they agree to take a slide together out of curiosity. However, Quinn puts too much power into the vortex, which thrusts it forward, sucking all three in. The vortex continues where it picks up a forth passenger, Rembrandt “Cryin’ Man” Brown (Cleavant Derricks, Something Wilder), a washed up R&B singer on his way to sing the anthem at a baseball game.

The quartet is taken to a world where San Francisco is frozen solid and the Mallory family has long since vacated. After calming the confused Rembrandt down, they try and wait out the timer so it will return them to their world safely. However, an ice tornado forces them to activate the timer early, and they slide into another dimension. Assuming it’s home, they go their separate ways. However, they soon find that it’s not home at all, but a dimension where the Soviet Union has taken over the United States during the Cold War. Quinn, Wade, and Arturo regroup and are taken to an underground revolution where Wade’s alternate happens to be a heroic commander.

But they can’t leave without Rembrandt, who had tried to make his baseball game. However, he was caught trying to pass off US currency in a communist dimension, and is accused of being a part of the revolution and taken prisoner. The Sliders make one last ditch effort to reunite, by having Arturo disguise himself as his communist commanding officer double in an attempt to break Rembrandt out of jail.

Guest starring Harry Shearer (The Simpsons, This is Spinal Tap).

Multiverse Map

Earth Prime: Ah! Good ol’ mother Earth! Where red means stop, green means go, Elvis is dead, and mom isn’t sleeping around. Could life be any sweeter?

Backwards Earth: Aw hell. Red means go? Green means stop? ELVIS IS ALIVE?! This is madness! Sheer madness! Mom was knocked up by the gardener? THE GATE DOESN’T SQUEEK?! F*** this! I’m going home!

Popsicle Earth: Francisco is left an icy mess, presumably after the events of The Day After Tomorrow (that’s pending if anything in that movie made any sense). It’s hard to tell, because there’s nobody left to ask. On the bright side: no nosy neighbors, school is constantly canceled for a Snow Day, and you’ll save a fortune on air conditioning! But the heating bills…those are a bitch…



Russkie Earth: This is the Earth where Rocky IV wasn’t made. On the plus side, it ended at Rocky III! On the downside, Sylvester Stallone’s heartfelt “Everybody can change!” speech didn’t single-handedly end the Cold War like it did on our Earth, and the Russians invaded America. I know, it’s hard to figure out which fate is worse, watching Rocky IV or living Red Dawn.

Teary-Eyed Reunion Earth: An entire Earth created for the sole purpose of keeping one man alive, Michael Mallory. Everything’s the same as ours, except that one small miniscule detail. How ironic that this detail is linked to one of the Sliders themselves, so they’d actually notice. I wonder if it were anybody but Quinn who invented the timer, would they have stayed on this Earth and not been the wiser? Why not!

Double Trouble

Mommy Issues Quinn: While we never meet him, he’s supposedly cool with the idea of his mom boning the gardener.

Jerkass Quinn: This Quinn goes around from world to world and ruins other Quinns’ lives just for the hell of it. But it’s totally cool, because he solves a math equation for them. He’s married, but makes out with random Wades throughout the multiverse. That one you might have a hell of a time reasoning, even if his wife might happen to be Wade herself.

Eskimo Quinn: This Quinn never lost his father or his puppy, and even had a sister to boot. Supposedly he migrated for the winter.

Red Dawn Rembrandt: Died in 1983 during what was called “the Detroit Uprising.” Never had a chance to admit to himself he was a hasbeen. Poor guy.

Red Dusk Wade: Who would make a great commander for the rebellion against the communists? I know! The petite girl with the puppy dog eyes! She seems badass enough! Has a steamy affair with a hunky black dude, too. Wade is totally hooked up in this dimension!

Red Noon Arturo: A local general for the high command. This Arturo is all cuddly in his bed during the excitement, while our Arturo attempts to take his place.

Complete Quinn: Lost among the multiverse. But at least this Quinn has a dad. Eat it, Quinn Prime!

Alluded Wade, Rembrandt, and Arturo: Implied they’re with Complete Quinn on his joyride. Maybe one of them has a missing family member, making up for the equal mass displacement of Quinn’s dad?

Episode Review

Well, this is where it all started! It’s cliché to say so, but it’s cliché for a reason. It’s hard not to love where one of your favorite TV shows was given birth, even if it does have blemishes. But I don’t think there was any series in history that was comfortable with itself from the get-go. In the case of Sliders it’s a tiny bit cautious about its premise, as if unsure if the audience will understand it, so it tries to keep certain things as simple as possible and keep the outrageous stuff for later. That kind of makes the pilot a bit on the boring side as it does baby steps through a novel idea.

But it had to have clicked with people, right? Otherwise it wouldn’t have lasted five seasons! Not necessarily. One thing worth noting about Sliders is that it was actually cancelled after this mid-season pilot movie and an additional eight episodes performed under expectations. It achieved a second season as a midseason replacement, only got a third season by caving in to network demands, and a fourth and fifth by a cable channel looking to welcome an established audience for a cult series (yet provided limited funding in return).

Indeed, Sliders is very much a cult show. It’s an interesting premise, backed by a unique tone and uneven acting (save for the terrific John Rhys-Davies). Sliders is one of those shows you have to “get,” and there are a lot of things about the pilot movie that demand to be “got.” One must get the characters: the spaced egghead Quinn, the blunt and loud Arturo, the spunky but kind-hearted Wade, but most of all the comic relief Rembrandt, who really isn’t there for any other reason than to be a load (and be funny about it). One must get the tone, which is more offbeat than a lot of non-comedy (not full-blooded ones anyway) sci-fi shows try to do.

I've always akinned Sliders as a cross between Back to the Future and Quantum Leap, albeit without the time travel. I’d say if you were familiar with both and consider them to be among the best sci-fi the 80s had to offer, Sliders won’t be far off from your taste buds. Me? I love both, and I love Sliders, even in all of its cheesy glory.

That said, in spite of its blemishes, I find the pilot movie of Sliders a treasure. It bright, adventurous, and funny. I enjoy the characters, even if they hardly become established during its runtime, and when it’s over, I look forward to spending more time with them.

However, the baby spooning of ideas grows slightly wearisome during its course. There are doubles out the wazoo, just in case you didn’t get the concept the first time around. Wade’s double is a resistance leader? Really? Well, I guess you had to find her something to do, because other than faun after Quinn and stare wide-eyed at things, she just kind of stands around otherwise. Rembrandt’s character feels somewhat forced as well, as he’s introduced very late in the story and we’re left wondering “Who the hell is he?” However, he is redeemed once his ball gets rolling. The character brings quite a few of the biggest laughs in the entire episode.

This pilot movie was split into two for syndication, with the episode break occurring just after the Sliders leave the ice dimension. Out of the two, I’d say the exposition of part one makes for the more satisfying viewing experience. Part two has more action, but it’s also a touch less eventful.

Highlight

Since this pilot has been split into two for syndication, I won’t feel guilty for picking two. One for each half. Sound cool? Thought so.

For part one, I’m tempted to give it to Quinn thinking he made out with his boss after an alternate stepped into his shoes for the day bringing one of the best lines of the pilot, “Oh god! I kissed Hurley! No wonder I’m fired!” In the end, however, it’s the opening image that stays with me, in which an excited Quinn rushes in front of his camcorder babbling incoherently about some “BIG WEIRD THING…RIGHT HERE!” It kind of sets the mood of the show beautifully, with a quirky yet honest sense of humor opening the series. I laughed, and chances are those who love the series laughed too.

Moving on to part two, it’s hard to top Rembrandt appearing on the Soviet version of The People’s Court, which is anything but small claims. Rembrandt is confused and is having trouble rationalizing everything around him, while he is sentenced to 15 years in prison. Rembrandt, still not understanding, asks “Don’t you mean 15 dollars?” Rembrandt is taken out of the courtroom in tears, where he is interviewed by the host, and proclaims to the camera “I’m never watching this show again!”

Don't just take my word for it...
There are more in depth Sliders fans than me. If you're interested in other takes, here's a review from Matt Hutlaff and a two part blog write-up by Ian McDuffie (Part 1 and Part 2).

I especially recommend McDuffie's stuff. His wit is fantastic.

[Torgo]

“Fever”

Premise

Note: Normally I like watching things in their intended order, but I’m feeling rebellious and decided to do them in order of air date. Things get a tad confusing, with a lack of an explanation for the timer counting down at this point, but I already know what happened and it saves me from switching discs back and forth. Those who wish can wait for my review of Summer of Love to be posted, but it’s still a few episodes down the road.

Wade tumbles out of the vortex into incoming traffic, where she is saved by a passerby. In gratitude, she kisses him on the cheek, but in a panic he rushes away.

The Sliders then decide to take in a quick meal at a nearby restaurant, where they are served freeze-dried food served in airtight plastic. Starving, Rembrandt takes a bite, and promptly asks where the bathroom is to spit it out. There he discovers a wanted poster for this world’s Quinn which identifies himself as “Patient Zero” for a virus called the Q.

Sneaking out of the restaurant, they find that this world has unusual health practices, with herbal remedies instead of medicine and an out of control health code. However, Wade has fallen ill, catching the Q from the man in the street. In an attempt to find medicine for her, Quinn is mistaken for his double and captured by the California Health Commission, leaving Arturo and Rembrandt to tend to their ailing friend, and time is not on their side.

Multiverse Map

Texas Tea Earth: There were a poopieload of dinosaurs on this Earth, which means more oil for us! Whole neighborhoods in San Francisco became rich overnight! Unfortunately there’s only a minute on the timer…

HMO Earth: An entire world in a fear of viruses, and a deadly plague on the loose. Some side effects include seeing colorized images of Boris Karloff. Okaaaaaaaaaaay…?

Manwich Earth: Cannibals are on the loose. On the plus side, they’re inviting you for dinner! ::rimshot::

Double Trouble

Oil That Is Quinn: If this Quinn isn’t off sliding, he’s in for a surprise when he gets home…

Patient Zero Quinn: Infected with a deadly disease yet in better shape than those who have had it for mere hours, this Quinn has a serious case of emo. Brooding and lectures are not uncommon while around him.

Episode Review

Fox chose Fever to be one of the first episodes of Sliders shown, mostly because the movie Outbreak had recently been released. While it’s a pretty solid episode, I can’t help but feel that was a mistake. It’s a bit dour, with a somber premise and is done with very little humor. I think it misrepresents the series, in a way, giving it more of a lesser X-Files vibe than an actual Sliders vibe.

While I don’t recommend the episode for beginners, for Sliders vets it’s pretty satisfying. You get a good story where all the characters are given something to do, for better or worse. Sabrina Lloyd pulls the short straw and Wade gets to play damsel in distress. Arturo is put to good use by devising a medical solution to the problem at hand, one that will make you go “Oh, of course!” and roll your eyes, but works well with the story given. Rembrandt works as a “get-it-done” man, told what to do and going out and doing it.

Jerry O’Connell, however, is given limelight, and is “forced” ::cough:: to strip down to his underwear and show off his abs. In truth, our Quinn actually is pushed to the side so O’Connell can do some “AC-TING!” as his alternate self, who’s melodramatic whispering is kind of painful to listen to. But, it fits the mood of the story, so I’ll run with it.

The sets and ideas of the story are well executed, really bringing to life an alternate world that we haven’t seen before. There’s some great make-up work as well, everything from orange skin-tones to deformed faces. The production crew is really ready to sell this idea, and I as a viewer appreciate it.

This early in the run, Fever is a hard pill to swallow. It’s a bit too serious, and is a harsh episode on our characters. But patience is a virtue.

Highlight

This episode is a stonefaced sandwich, with humor acting as the bread. Everything that’s amusing about this episode before its somber plot comes into play it confined to the beginning and the end. My favorite bit in the episode comes at the end where Wade awakens after her fever breaks. Quinn assures her that she’s safe and everything is alright, and tells her to get some rest. A typical “back to normal” ending for any TV show. Well, nothing will ever be normal for these characters again, as Quinn joins Rembrandt and Arturo who are on alert for a tribe of cannibals who are on the hunt for them. They begin to wonder who they’ll eat first. Rembrandt and Arturo look at each other, prompting Remmy to respond “Don’t look at me. I’m just a Chicken McNugget, you’re the Quarter Pounder!”

Positive reviews by Mike Truman and Ian McDuffie.

[Torgo]

“Last Days”

Premise

The Sliders land on a world which is on the verge of destruction. An asteroid is headed straight for the Earth, and the slide isn't due until after it hits. With two days left to live, the Sliders go their separate ways.

Quinn and Wade try the alternate Quinn’s house, in hopes that he had invented sliding so they can slide off in time. However, once there they discover the home vacated and all of Quinn’s equipment had been used for time travel experiments. Without the ability to slide, Quinn and Wade confide in each other and spend their remaining hours together.

Rembrandt goes out looking for a party, so he can live life to the fullest before the end. He finds one in a rocking rave where the partygoers don’t care about consequences. But things begin spiraling out of control…

Arturo, however, has found an unusual assistant in that of Conrad Bennish Jr., the double of a former student of his who insists he holds the key to the Earth’s survival in Einstein’s folly: The atom bomb. On this world, Einstein sabotaged the invention of nuclear weapons before their destructive force could be unleashed. But now, it’s mankind’s only chance at survival of impending doom.

Multiverse Map

Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing Earth: There’s an asteroid hurtling toward this Earth and there is nothing that can stop it, for Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck were never born. Hell, we don’t even have Morgan Freeman and Tea Leoni. On the plus side, this episode was produced in 1995, so the world has yet to sit through the movies Armageddon (and that godawful Aerosmith song that came with it) and Deep Impact. I, for one, welcome this meteor with open arms, and ask that it only spare us that pain. Oh, yeah and there’s stuff about the atom bomb not having been invented yet, blah blah blah, you get the picture.

Double Trouble

Jurassic Quinn: This dude’s heavy into dinosaurs and not much else. The dude saw Jurassic Park fifteen times. Fifteen! You don’t even want to know how many times he watched Carnosaur, Theodore Rex, and Super Mario Bros. I could go on, but the way he leers at Tammy and the T-Rex gets creepy (this was back when everybody didn’t ignore Denise Richards and not enough people ignored Paul Walker, and still don’t).

Episode Review

This is the episode the hopeless romantics have been waiting…um…two whole episodes for. It’s the one where Quade finally gets together! ::Team Wade screeches from all around:: Of course, nobody cares by the next episode, but it counts ‘acause they’re the leads and they have to end up together! Otherwise online whining will ensue, so this episode is proof that “Quinn <3 Wade 4evah!”

At least, that’s what everybody tells themselves.

The kinda sad truth is that Quinn and Wade’s scenes together are the weakest part of the episode, and definitely the most awkward to watch. They act like two bored kids who need to make out because there is someone there. And then there’s the fact that Jerry’s about a good foot taller than the second tallest person on the show, which in turn makes him two feet taller than Sabrina, so somebody needs to either get the poor girl a stool or Jerry has the hunch over at a rate that will cause back problems in his future. The producers choose the latter. And what in the hell is that music they’re listening to? Softcore Lite? K-PORN? Whoever put that on has more in mind than just a kiss. I imagine a video camera, some handcuffs, and a strap-on were hidden in the closet. The fact that they try and dance to it is just hilarious.

But bearing in mind that this portion is only a subplot in the episode, this episode is pretty good. Arturo and Rembrandt’s plots make this episode a satisfying ride for those who don’t care what’s going on in Quinn’s basement (and trust me, unless that alluded strap-on is broken out, I don’t care). Arturo deals with a tonal opposite, which provides for many moments of comic relief. But since the world is on the line, he must put up with his stoner colleague, who might be the only one who can actually save the world.

Rembrandt decides to spend his last days partying among the looting and raving crowd, which of course leads to the obvious lesson of what is truly important in life. It all leads to the Sliders being reunited at the end with a small hope that they just might survive, which is pretty strong stuff (or at least, two out of three isn’t bad). In spite of its weaknesses, Last Days is an episode to remember and probably one of the best in the series.

Plus, Quinn and Wade…giggity!

Highlight

“WE’RE GONNA SAVE THE WORLD, FAT BOY!”

The interaction between Arturo and Bennish in this episode is absolutely hilarious. They’re an odd couple of the best possible kind, two geniuses of opposite ends of the spectrum that must work together in order to save the world. Every scene with these two is a winner. Is there a winner? Force me at gunpoint and I’ll come up with this: “Let me put on something a little more mellow…” If you’ve seen the episode, you know what that means. If you haven’t, then you don’t deserve to know what it means.

Positive reviews from Mike Truman and Ian McDuffie.

[Torgo]

“Prince of Wails”

Premise

Note: If you’re curious as to what the hell that water world was all about in the teaser, you best check out Summer of Love before this episode as the teaser is a continuation of the end of that episode.

The Sliders enter an America which is still ruled by the British. Once there, Arturo is mistaken for his double, the Sheriff of San Francisco and third in line to the throne. The Sliders decide to lay low for the slide and take a ride through the forest, where they happen upon the attempted murder of Prince Harold.

After saving the Prince, the Sliders try to lead him to safety, but are captured by a group of rebels called the Oakland Raiders (get it?). With Prince Harold in their grasp and who they believe to be Sheriff Arturo, they hold them for ransom, but the real Sheriff Arturo balks at it and orders both the Raiders and the Prince to be killed.

Receiving word that their demands haven’t been met, the Raiders intend on killing Harold and Arturo, until Quinn intervenes and encourages them to rise against the oppressors instead.

Multiverse Map

Hang-Ten Earth: This world has totally tubular waves, bro! They come crashing down around cities on a whim! Watch out for the giant sharks hanging underneath, though. Those are major bummers.

Limey Earth: Tea, crumpets, and Harry Potter! All the marvelous things that await you on this Earth, where the American Revolution failed and the Americas are still ruled by a British monarchy. Unfortunately, that means Mamma Mia was a smash hit here too. Ugh.

Double Trouble

Sheriff Arturo: The Sheriff of San Francisco and third in line to the throne is none other than our boy Arturo. On this earth he has his own TV show and writes his own series of Rush Limbaugh-esque political books. The title of the latest is still one of my favorite moments on the show.

Episode Review

This is the episode that you could argue inspired the entire series, as series creator Tracy Torme has often said the seed of Sliders was planted in his head by wondering what the world would have been like had any of the British soldiers during the American Revolution had better aim when open firing upon George Washington. It’s a very interesting concept, but unfortunately by this time in the series it feels recycled. The concept is not all that different than the Communist world that was seen during the pilot, the only difference being that this one seems much more pleasant.

But there must be a dark side somewhere, right? After all, where would the conflict be if there wasn’t? Well, the dark side is presented in the form of Arturo’s double, who is trying to become King of the Americas and things just kind of sweep the Sliders along for the ride. Pretty much the only problem that demands to be solved is the attempted murder that’s going on, but the show makes the mistake of trying to fix something that isn’t broken in the end by introducing democracy. I don’t really understand why. It kind of sends a very selfish message, that all worlds need to be like our own. Sliders have changed worlds before, and will again, but in those worlds the living conditions demanded to be changed. Here it’s just gratuitous. I don’t care how much you hate England (I hate them for roundabouts and Sasha Baron Cohen, but I digress).

It all feels casual, which is fine just not that interesting. The conflicts here aren’t fresh and the execution is kind of groan-worthy. I mean, the local rebellion is called “The Oakland Raiders!” Wow. Just wow.

Looking toward the brighter end of the spectrum, John Rhys-Davies gives a great performance as the Sheriff, playing the slimeball hiding behind empty words and promises as gracefully as can be asked of him. The other Sliders can only wish they had roles this good. Quinn gives a painful speech made up of tired proverbs from our world and participates in a bad action music video set to dated 90’s music. Wade reads gossip rags to the point that all she’s missing is a cigarette, robe, curlers, and eight children. Not to mention her romance with the Prince literally goes nowhere. Rembrandt…screams at a fountain. That’s about it.

It’s the lowlight of the first season to be sure. The only condolence is that it might speak spades about how good the first season was. There might be another in that it’s firmly planted as a middle-of-the-road episode as far as the series is concerned, but that’s just a reminder that there are much worse episodes on the way.

Highlight

Arturo is the one person among the Sliders who seems to enjoy this world for what it is, seeing how he is of British descent. The Sliders take a car ride across some beautiful country, where Arturo boasts aloud how “American vulgarity” has been replaced by “traditional British pride and craftsmanship.” The scene cuts to another featuring the Sliders pushing their broken down car down the road in the rain and Wade mumbles “Not to mention British engineering…"

Lukewarm reviews by Matt Hutaff and Ian McDuffie.

[Torgo]

“Summer of Love”

Premise

Note: This episode briefly explains why the timer is counting down. It was originally intended to be the second episode aired back when the showrunners were naïve enough to believe that these would be aired in order (long before Lost made serialized television popular), with Prince of Wails airing immediately afterward. So, here at last is the second episode of Sliders…about five episodes in…

After sliding into an evacuated San Francisco, Quinn smacks the timer on the pavement accidentally. After a rush fix job, the Sliders discover that a colony of vicious insects are flying their way. Quinn insists the timer needs to rest, but the others insist that they need to slide and they need to slide now. Quinn opens the vortex and Wade and Rembrandt slide through, but the vortex suddenly closes. Quinn fiddles with the timer as fast as he can before opening another vortex so he and Arturo can slide.

On the next world, Quinn and Arturo don’t see Wade and Rembrandt anywhere in sight. Unsure whether or not they’re on the same Earth, the duo set off to fix the timer and look for their friends. Luckily enough, Wade and Rembrandt did slide into this world, witnessed by a group of hippies upon entry. Wade becomes worshiped like a goddess and is pampered, meanwhile Rembrandt takes a ride around town looking for Quinn and Arturo, but discovers his double was married to his high school crush, and he’s gone MIA in the military. Under the impression that he might be stuck here, Rembrandt sneaks in and steals his double’s life.

Guest starring Barry Pepper (Battlefield Earth, The Green Mile, Saving Private Ryan)

Multiverse Map

Earth Prime: No the Sliders haven’t made it home, that cruelty is saved for later. We just detour to hang with Bennish, his “flower pot,” and the FBI for a few minutes, as they be chillin’ and wondering what happened to our heroes…

Spiderwasp Earth: San Francisco has been evacuated to avoid the invading colony of Spiderwasps on their way. Well, let me change my pants so we can slide out of here.

Hippie Earth: Oh man…this is the worst world yet! The 60s are dead for a reason, man! Oliver North is president, man! Conrad Bennish is a sober Republican, man! INTRODUCE THE KROMAGGS AND DESTROY THIS WORLD ALREADY!

Hang-Ten Earth: What, here again? Oh wait…

Double Trouble

MIA Rembrandt: This Rembrandt was lost in battle and assumed dead. Truth was, he was probably trying to get away from his wife. And those no good hippies.

Episode Review

While to a good extent Fever is the better episode, I think pushing Summer of Love back this far was a mistake. While it’s not an entirely eventful episode, it does help an audience ease into the nature of the show with its humor and spirit. I’m not captivated by any of this, but I’ll be damned if I don’t find it funny.

In the foreground is Rembrandt’s plot, which is first and foremost a lesson to the biggest loose cannon in the group. Unable to accept that he isn’t home, Rembrandt tries to take over his double’s life. Obvious complications ensue, including the realization of what he thought was the dream life turns out to be a nightmare.

Quinn and Arturo are a little more careful as they try their best to lay low, though we wouldn’t have anything to watch if nothing happened to them, now would we? And Wade’s given very little to work with, but she tries to make the most of her “guru” role in this episode, sharing her wisdom with the hippies around her, including a guy and a girl named “Skidd” and “Fling” (“Skidd said I was his latest fling, so I changed my name to prove my love!”).

The central premise, however, is a lot scarier than the episode presents. The Sliders jumped into two separate vortexes, and while they consider the possibility that maybe they’re on different Earths, nobody seems entirely worried about it, which kind of seems like a missed opportunity. There’s an episode in the fourth season that kind of toys with the same concept, and while I’d hesitate to call it “better,” it did take a more interesting approach to the situation than this.

Highlight

Rembrandt manages to do what we’ve all dreamed about and crashes his own funeral. He gets to hear all the eulogies and how beloved he is by his friends and family. But when his brother gets on stage (“Right on right on!”) he starts wincing at what he conceives to be untrue. The final straw breaks when he dares state that Rembrandt had less musical talent than him, leading to Rembrandt jumping out of his hiding spot and yell at him “MUSICAL TALENT? YOU COULDN’T CARRY A TUNE IF IT WERE STRAPPED TO YOUR BACK!” Shenanigans ensue.

Positive review from Matt Hutaff and neutral review from Ian McDuffie.

[Torgo]

“Eggheads”

Premise

Upon entering a new dimension, the Sliders discover that Quinn and Arturo happen to be celebrities on this Earth, where intelligence is prized above all else. They discover that their doubles are deemed “The Sliders” and have purposefully slid off this world in an experiment of their own. In hopes that he can autoset the timer and bring themselves back to their world, he and Arturo infiltrate their double’s lives in order to find the sliding equipment.

However living their doubles’ lives proves to be easier said than done. Quinn finds out that he’s a sports superstar and is expected to play starter in a game he has never played before. Meanwhile Arturo discovers on this world his late wife never passed away, and he is going through a divorce. Frustrated at the thought of losing the love of his life all over again, Arturo does his best to reconcile.

Quinn, however, discovers his problems are just beginning. He discovers that his double may have never invented sliding and just skipped town to escape gambling debts. Quinn is now stuck with those debts and is forced by the mafia to throw the championship.

Multiverse Map

Mindgame Earth: Here booksmarts is where it’s at. The most common pick-up line in every bar is simply announcing “E=MC2!” Though, be warned that most women will expect you to know what it actually means. Also of interest, the sport of Mindgame is very popular here. Like other fictional sports such as Quiddich, BASEketball, and Sidehacking, we don’t expect it to become very popular with non-nerds outside of this universe.

Double Trouble

Sports Studmuffin Quinn: While never seen onscreen outside of promotional photos, this Quinn is said to have taken a leave of absence because he’s a Slider. Though the fact that he has gambling debts may be an indicator as to why he’s so eager to be out of this universe.

Sexpot Arturo: Never seen onscreen either, but is said to be off sliding as well. Surely the fact that he’s going through a divorce because of his increasingly promiscuous ways has nothing to do with it.

Episode Review

Eggheads is probably my favorite episode of the show. The simple concept of this world proves to be ripe for social satire, and the quirky tone of the series surely delivers on it.

It’s intriguing what this world brings out of the characters of Quinn and Arturo. For Quinn, it’s optimism. He believes this world is where they can finally find their way home, and when it all comes crashing down, it hits him hard. With Arturo, he finds himself living his dream. He is finally treasured for what he has always prized and is living with the loved one he had lost so long ago. And yet, he finds his double has neglected what is truly important in life and finds the urge to correct it. It’s a rather compelling subplot that kind of lacks resolution, but Arturo can’t get what he desires on this Earth, it isn’t his, so no resolution only natural.

Being the laymen on this journey doesn’t give Wade and Rembrandt very much to do on this world, so they’re confined to comic relief. Wade and Rembrandt for the most part act as bickering children, with Wade often acting as the aggressor (“You bet on a game you didn’t understand? You’re an idiot!”). It’s a characterization of these two that never really hit it off, as future portrayals show them to be the closest of friends. This kind of feels unnatural in retrospect, but experimentation is not uncommon on starting shows. Plus one could just assume they were both just annoyed at being shunned by a world of intellects.

There’s creativity afoot as the series is forced to create a sport of its own in Mindgame. Made-up sports rarely work on film, as they all come off as lacking in entertainment value and/or thought. Mindgame is no exception. It’s a cute idea, as players are asked questions they have to answer while running around on a player’s square avoiding getting tagged, but there’s nothing really about it that makes you understand why it’s exciting. But then again, that’s the beauty of this world, those of average intelligence (such as the average television viewer) and those of below average intelligence (such as myself) are oppressed by it, so we wouldn’t get it. In that sense, it fits right in. Plus there’s always the opportunity to poke fun at sports clichés…

“All the great ones were worth the headaches. Hawking, Sagan…they were players!”

The only primary complaint I can think of about this episode is that the plot about trying to autoset the timer dwindles the further it goes on and the episode becomes crowded with examples of how this world mirrors our own with corruption. But it forces you to ask the question that if all Quinn needed was sliding equipment to fix the timer and get them back home, why didn’t Quinn do this on the world they landed on at the end of the pilot? Did he just not think of it? What about all the future worlds he visited where his doubles were sliders? Why didn’t he do this then?

But then again, it was more than likely just a plot device to catapult the Sliders into a story that speaks about mankind’s nature, stating that no matter what we hold to high-esteem, the world will always have problems. It’s pretty smart storytelling from a series that often just rolls with itself.

Highlight

If this doesn’t go to the Library Rap, it goes to nothing.

Yo, homes, what up? What up with you?
What we gonna say? What we gonna do?
Where we gonna go? What we gonna see?
We’re going to the library!
Movin’ down the aisle with my homies in tow,
We’re groovin’ in the home of the librarian, yo!
She checks us out from behind thick glasses,
We walk right past and we wiggle our asses!
Hemingway, Lawrence, Chekhov, and Miller,
Fitzgerald was a freak, Mailer is a killer!

Quiet please! Quiet please!

The silence is golden to books I am beholden,
I know I’m bad ‘cause of the knowledge that I’m holdin’!
And I give you one warnin’, there will be no repeats,
Get out of my face while I’m readin’ my Keats!

Enthusiastically positive reviews from Matt Hutiff and Ian McDuffie.

[Torgo]

“The Weaker Sex”

Premise

The Sliders land on a world where women are in charge, and the men are left without political power. Wade becomes the aide to the current mayor and attempts to get the others jobs as well. Quinn scores a secretary job, but Arturo isn’t as lucky.

Furious at being shrugged off because of his gender, Arturo rants about female politics, which gains notice of other men, who urge him to run for mayor and strike a blow for men everywhere. Against his better judgment, Arturo agrees, even if he doesn’t stand a chance in the political race.

But then voters begin to take notice, and Arturo slowly rises in the polls. Soon, being a male candidate becomes easier said than done, as it attracts the attention of not just the voters, but those who feel threatened by the idea of a man in political power. But should his campaign prove to be a success, Arturo must choose whether or not to slide with the others or stay on this world.

Multiverse Map

Hear Me Roar Earth: And you thought Twilight was huge on our world, you haven’t seen nothing yet! Here women are in control, which makes it a prime world for those with dominatrix kinks. I think I’ll stay.

Lemonade Earth: An entire world devoted to making Maximilian Arturo’s life miserable, where all sliders by this name are forced to serve their companions drinks on beachside.

Episode Review

I’m going to get this off my chest now, because it’s the one thing that really bugs me about the show: How the hell do these people get jobs on these alternate Earths? In no other episode is this aspect more foolishly portrayed in than The Weaker Sex. In this episode, Wade becomes the Mayor’s aide and tries to hook the other Sliders up with jobs. How did she accomplish this? Didn’t they ask for a social security number? How about references? What if she didn’t exist in this world? What’s keeping her from getting tossed out on her ass or even arrested on worlds even superficially similar to our own? And a job under a government official no less. I swear, if getting jobs were this easy we wouldn’t be in a damn recession, that’s for sure.

This kind of summarizes this episode, actually. Taken at face value it’s fun and hilarious, but when you actually think about what’s happening it doesn’t make a lot of sense, unlike the previous episode, which actually improves when you think about what it’s saying. There are those who’d argue that The Weaker Sex is saying something equally intelligent, and there might have been something in conception, but in execution the episode is a simple spoof of gender clichés. It’s just lucky that it’s a really funny one.

The concept of the world they visit is probably the most obvious the show has ever gone for (the series never went for Nazi Earth, but if it did, that would have taken the top spot), as we enter a world where women are in control. It’s not so strange, in the animal kingdom the female is often the dominant sex, but Sliders goes the one up and makes it oppressive, much like our own mirror history only without a movement for the “fairer sex.”

Enter Arturo, who is brought in as a symbol of power for the oppressed gender. But the sad fact is that how Arturo got wrapped up in this storyline is nothing short of absurd. He’s seen ranting about women and is pushed into a campaign. That’s about it. And he actually goes along with it? Jesus, I thought he was a man with intellect. Obviously Arturo didn’t have a double on this world, or he would have stood up somewhere in the world and asked “Hey…what the hell?” within the six weeks that our Arturo had shaken up the status quo. And since he doesn’t, how is a man with no identity, who by all means doesn’t exist, allowed to run a mayor campaign? Heaven forbid if he got elected.

However, I’m going to play along with this. Why? Because it’s an opportunity to watch the genius of John Rhys-Davies at work in a comedic political role, and it’s glorious. John is utterly fantastic here and the guffaws come long and hard. But more on that in my highlight section, which is more of a highlight reel.

What are the other Sliders doing? Not a whole lot. Quinn gets a secretary job where he’s treated as nothing more as an airheaded piece of meat and Rembrandt starts a relationship with a woman who is just using him for his body. And Wade?

Oh boy, here we go.

As the only women of the group, Wade should probably be more of a presence in this episode than she is. But she is reduced to scoffing at the men and telling them off every two minutes. If that’s the best they can find for her in an episode about female empowerment, that’s just sad. She acts like a child, especially when you consider “getting involved” in each world was something she was preaching during Summer of Love. This is capped off in the final scene, where she is gloating over her winning a petty bet and relishing her making the professor’s life miserable. Female empowerment my ass. This is more along the lines of “Girls rule, guys drool.”

That said the laughs make the episode. Play along and you’ll enjoy it. If not, then it goes haywire. I actually love it, in spite of how dimwitted I gets. But it’s fun and I laugh like a goon while watching it. Funny stuff.

Highlight

Arturo’s entire election campaign is hilarious. If you can’t laugh at Arturo chasing people down to kiss babies, I cannot relate to you at all.

“SIR! I need to kiss your BABY!”

The best part? Arturo’s commercial is pretty swell, by the book political manipulation…

“I am running because I really care. I favor the good things in life. I oppose the bad things in life. A vote for Arturo means you care too.”

And it’s enhanced by his own commentary on it…

“I don’t believe that anyone has ever captured my essence so beautifully. That one moment when I changed that disgusting little brat’s diaper…classic.”

With that line, Arturo cemented himself as my favorite character of all time.

Highly positive review from Mike Truman and extremely negative review from Ian McDuffie.

[Torgo]

“The King is Back”

Premise

Rembrandt finally reaches his dream world when the Sliders land on a world where he’s the undisputed King of R&B. However, the beloved King passed on many years ago, leaving the public thinking that the King has come back from the dead upon seeing this alternate Rembrandt. The Sliders attempt to hide out in the Motel 12. But soon they are discovered by this world’s Rembrandt’s manager, Captain Jack Brim, who talks Rembrandt into a comeback tour.

Sneaking the Sliders out the back, Rembrandt is soon abducted by his psychotic former backup singer, Maurice Fish, and held captive. Quinn, Wade, and Arturo attempt to track down Maurice, but things get complicated when the real Rembrandt (played by Cleavant’s twin brother Clinton Derricks-Carroll) shows up, demanding to know what’s going on.

Multiverse Map

Death Penalty Earth: Episode not running long enough? Kick back and slide into here! Chances are your double has done something that will cook your goose, but don’t worry, the slide window ends in a few minutes.

Cryin’ Man Earth: Unfortunately the undisputed king of music, Rembrandt Brown, died eight years ago today. The king is dead. Long live the king!

Ice Cream Earth: Just grab a cart and get selling!

Double Trouble

El Barto Quinn Likes to spray paint on public property. Rumor has it, this Quinn is 10 years old with yellow skin and spiky hair.

King Rembrandt: The dearly departed King of R&B has a weakness for one million dollars a song.

Episode Review

The one thing about first season Sliders is that they often picked too easy stories to tell. A world where we lost a certain war, a world where genders are switched, a world where intellect is treasured above athletic ability, a world with damned dirty hippies, and so on and so forth. All a little too obvious. Sliders has yet to give us an episode that has actually taken a chance or delivered something outside of the box. And I’m afraid we’ll have to wait even longer for that. The minute we found out Rembrandt was a failed musician we knew this episode was coming. It’s a good episode, but it feels as if the series is playing its trump cards too soon. Couldn’t something like this be saved for later when your staff has writer’s block? Or is that happening already?

The episode, like the previous one, wisely goes for laughs at the expense of the music industry, notably that of the myths of Elvis Presley faking his death to get out of the limelight (let’s face facts, even if he had, he’d surely have been dead by the time this episode had aired). The humor is sharp and rarely lets up, save for the threat of Rembrandt’s former backup singer, Maurice Fish, who has gone psycho in his off days. While Fish could be played for laughs (there are a few moments where he actually is) he is mostly a genuine threat, and there’s genuine suspense in his scenes.

That said, the revelation that this world’s Rembrandt isn’t dead feels a bit of a cheat. This is where my questioning of the series’ choice to make this episode so early on comes in. Sliders, at its heart, was a very formulaic show. It almost had to be. When we’re coming across episodes where the Sliders are tempted to stay on the world presented to them, we know that they won’t, in the same way that we always know that Gilligan and company will never escape that damned island. Last week, Arturo faced an opportunity to leave the life of sliding behind to become a mayor on one of the worlds they’ve landed on, but we all knew that somehow they’d weasel out of it. This week, Rembrandt is facing a similar opportunity, where he is handed the career he has dreamt of on a silver platter. The fact of the matter is that after having his entire life taken away from him by this sliding adventure why the hell wouldn’t he stay? So the inclusion of his double in the second half serves as an all-too-obvious way of pushing him out at the last minute.

Now, this concept works well and all, but what if they pushed this story back further in the series, where Remmy had more of a chance to bond with his companions, making the decision to stay harder. This world’s Rembrandt maybe stays dead, and Rembrandt is forced to choose between his dream and his friends. Imagine the finale as a heartfelt revelation where he finds himself unable to stay, even if it is his dream. That seems like a missed opportunity. And in the show’s brief first season, the Sliders have yet to define a bond of friendship that strong during their misadventures (I’d argue it becomes defined in the second season’s In Dino Veritas).

But as is, the story works, so that’s complaining about fixing something that isn’t broken. The King is Back is a humorous and playful episode and it stands tall among the episode count.

Highlight

Probably one of the funniest gags in the history of the show involves a Beatles inspired photo of the Sliders walking across the street, which helps prompt speculation that the great Rembrandt Brown lives. Adding to that is more speculation that Quinn is in fact the late Jim Morrison of the Doors. While Wade’s identity is left a mystery, reports confirm that Maximilian Arturo is none other than Luciano Pavarotti, who couldn’t help but bear witness to the return of thought deceased icons. Arturo’s annoyance at everyone’s insistence that he is the famed opera singer brings about one of the greatest lines of the series…

“I’m not Mr. Pavarotti! Mr. Pavarotti is an Italian! He speak-a like-a this! Do I speak-a like-a this? No! Why?! BECAUSE I’M AN ENGLISHMAN YOU BLISTERING IDIOT!”

Positive reviews from Mike Truman and Ian McDuffie.