Post by mummifiedstalin on Oct 25, 2010 10:47:27 GMT -5
"The city sprawled like roadkill, spreading more with each new pressure."
-- Atom, Steve Aylett.
Actually, almost any of Aylett's first lines are awesome. From short stories in "The Crime Studio":
"Brute Parker ran the all-night gun shop on the corner of Dive and Ride, and it was a valuable service he offered."
"There's nothing so degrading as being killed by a stranger."
"It was a joke downtown that Eddie Slam's desire to kill everyone was buried so deep in his subconscious as to be hardly relevant."
"In a town where bulletproof underwear is openly on sale, paranoia is regarded not as a mental aberration but as a way of staying ahead of the game."
"Nature hates a vacuum and tends to fill it with the standing idle."
"Billy Panacea, burglar extraordinaire, broke out of prison disguised as his mother."
"Louie the Garb was the most disconcerting man alive."
"More murders are committed at 92 degree Fahrenheit than at any other temperature."
Seriously, I think Aylett is the funniest writer I've ever read. If you've never heard of him, I strongly suggest his book _Lint_, which is a faux biography of an obscure pulp writer. My wife hates it when I read the book because I laugh at things she just doesn't understand, and I don't stop laughing.
"Why: 'Cuz mummi says so." -- Change B. Goode "5. Butter a midget" -- Ratso's Amazon recommendation More Ratso: post you ass ag bags! Mitchell: I also just used "mount" correctly in a sentence.
Non-smoking is not allowed in my home. That’s right. All visitors are required to smoke. If you are a non-smoker, please leave your nasty habit at home, because I do not want to be exposed to your second-hand non-smoking. My house, my rules, get it?
Light That Cigarette Now!, Crad Kilodney
"When a man is prepared to die, It hurts us more to see him die, Than it does him to do it." -Crispin Hellion Glover, "Oak Mot"
Post by caucasoididiot on Jul 4, 2011 20:23:11 GMT -5
FOR MADMEN ONLY
The day had gone by just as days go by. I had killed it in accordance with my primitive and retiring way of life. I had worked for an hour or two and perused the pages of old books. I had had pains for two hours, as elderly people do. I had taken a powder and been very glad when the pains consented to disappear. I had lain in a hot bath and absorbed its kindly warmth. Three times the mail had come with undesired letters and circulars to look through. I had done my breathing exercises, but found it convenient today to omit the thought exercises. I had been for an hour's walk and and seen the loveliest cloud patterns pencilled against the sky. That was very delightful. So was the reading of the old books. So was the lying in the warm bath. But, taken all in all, it had not been exactly a day of rapture. No, it had not even been a day brightened with happiness and joy. Rather, it had been just one of those days which for a long while now had fallen my lot; the moderately pleasant, the wholly bearable and tolerable, lukewarm days of a discontented middle-aged man, days without special pains, without special cares, without particular worry, without despair; days when I calmly wonder, objective and fearless, whether it isn't time to follow the example of Adalbert Stifter and have an accident while shaving.