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Post by TheNewMads on May 16, 2011 10:12:29 GMT -5
Last time I looked it up, Prophecy is not available on the Nintendo. I'll keep an eye out. Pervert! (2005) A son returns to the blistering deserts of Arizona to help his father with his ranch. However, the son becomes enamored with his father's mistress (played by porn actress Mary Carey). Furthermore, a strange creature stalks the night. Here's one way to summarize this whole thing: it's a porn movie without any porn. This film is basically one long penis joke ... and I didn't find it funny. In fact, penis jokes rarely are funny. How poor and pedestrian is the quality of this picture? There was one scene where apparently a speck of dirt or debris fell on one of the camera lenses used during one scene. So, every time the shot went back to the one camera, I was constantly distracted by that speck of dirt! How amateur. If there's one thing to complement this film on, it's the use of claymation towards the end. And it doesn't even look like sloppy, amateur claymation. They look like they commissioned a fairly professional amount of animation. It's a pity that it's wasted on this film. Stay away from this. Stay far, far away from this. If you want to see Mary Carey naked, get a Mary Carey porno. This isn't worth it. i saw this a few years ago. i literally have no recollection of it whatsoever. which i guess goes to what you're saying.
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Post by The Mad Plumber on May 19, 2011 21:45:49 GMT -5
I unfortunately have some poor entries to add to this post. Teeth (2007) A teenage girl who leads a campaign of preaching abstinence-only is nearly raped by a boy she is interested in. It is during this incident that she and her would-be rapist discover an extraordinary defense mechanism: a toothed vagina. You know, I can't find the words or terminology to talk about this picture without invoking disciplinary action from the administrators. In short, I'm going to note what offends me about this piece is the double standard. If we reversed the genders on this plot, I'm confident that most people, and probably even myself, would condemn the movie as being misogynistic. Here's a scene to illustrate my point. After our protagonist has claimed another victim, we see the victim in the operating room being prepped for a reattachment surgery. One of the surgeons mocks the victim's manhood and jokingly questions whether the surgery is worth it. Ha! That joke was so funny that the scars on my face are just splitting! Here's another problem. I thought this was going to be funny. I thought this was going to be B-movie cheese that would be fun to watch. Perhaps we would see this toothed vagina stalking the streets in corny claymation. We don't. We never see this toothed vagina. Oh, but we see lots of severed, bloody members. And they even had a dog eat one of these props. I'm calling PETA!!Like I said, I'm not so much offended that this movie exists as rather I'm offended by the double standard. Otherwise, this is boring, unfunny, and most unrecommended. Hercules in New York (1969) Arnold Schwarzenegger (billed as Arnold Strong) plays a malcontent Herc high upon Olympus. An angered Zeus banishes him to New York City where he befriends the wispy Pretzie and becomes a wrestling star. This looks like a cheap college student film. The ethnic music seemed most inappropriate for a Hercules picture. Furthermore, Arnold Schwarzenegger is the worst Hercules I have ever seen. Yes, Lou Ferrigno was a much better Hercules than Arnold. In the version I watched, Arnie was dubbed over. This film really hits a low when Arnie battles a man in a bear suit. I'm not kidding. There's also a scene where Herc is outraged when he sees a movie poster for a cheesy Hercules film vehicle. Is this the film's self-awareness? I feel this film is just too boring, and I don't think it could be salvaged for MST3K-style riffing. I mean, when I heard the line, "You have struck Hercules," I quipped, "You hit Big Jake!" Ultimately, though, I was bored. A Hercules movie shouldn't be boring. This may be the worst Arnold Schwarzenegger film as well as the worst Hercules film. If you want to acquaint yourself with Arnie's very humble origins, I suppose you can check it out. For the rest of us, if Arnie wishes this chapter of his career forgotten, I think it's best to honor his wishes.
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Post by TheNewMads on May 20, 2011 7:55:50 GMT -5
herc goes bananas!
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Post by pablo on May 22, 2011 22:46:49 GMT -5
The House That Vanished 1973 British watched the videotape of this-it was pretty fuzzy. and then sought out the dvd version hoping it would be a little sharper but it wasn't really. The dvd uses the original British title "Scream....And Die!". But this movie is much more of a 'house that vanished' movie than a 'scream...and die!' movie. It's all about a woman's search for a house where she's witnessed a killing and nothing really about anyone screaming...and then dying! actually the fuzziness of the print lends itself well to the atmosphere of the movie. this would've made good fodder for M/J&TB's
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Post by The Mad Plumber on Jun 7, 2011 10:08:17 GMT -5
Miracle Beach (1992) Hopeless loser Scotty McKay (Dean Cameron) has recently lost his apartment and girlfriend. His luck turns around when he comes across a magic lamp at the beach whose genie (Ami Dolenz) will grant almost any wish for our protagonist. Scotty utilizes this gift to create a facade that may win over the girl of his dreams (Felicity Waterman). At the beginning, this seemed like a typical romantic comedy with this guy finding his life turn to crud after he discovers his cheating girlfriend. Then all of a sudden, we're in heaven. My jaw just drops. "What the f***!? Heaven!?" So, yeah, it's a fantasy. I didn't see that coming. As such, I should talk about the special effects which do warrant this film's B-movie status. The portrayals of Heaven are laughable, making those from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey look downright professional. Most of the "special effects" in this picture are little more than fade cuts with sparkles thrown over them. Also, this film is about as much a comedy as a Shakespearean comedy is a comedy. The story of "guy wants to impress Girl A but doesn't realize he's falling in love with Girl B" seems likes it's been done countless times. The film is more or less an excuse to have a parade of bikini-clad women and the occasional topless woman, of which I will note that the women all look very nice. Here's one thing I want to note about appreciating. There's a scene where Scotty, having fallen asleep on a beach bench the previous night, suddenly wakes up in a comfortable bed next to two naked women. What I appreciate is that Scotty immediately puts together how it happened and figures out that the lamp he found was magical. In any other film, it would have taken far more clues just to get it through the protagonist's thick skull about the magical nature of what happened. This film doesn't waste time with these annoying clichés. I was really annoyed at Scotty's friends, one of whom resembled a young Adam Sandler. I appreciated Pat Morita's presence in the film, and yet at the same time almost pitied him. You can't deny that this is a step down for such a distinguished actor and it's the sort of thing that critics hold against you. Furthermore, who more deserves to be shoulder-deep in bikini-clad women, these young goofs or Pat Morita? I shouldn't even need to answer that. Also, look for Dean Cain in a small role. Your enjoyment of this film is a question of taste. You'll note earlier that I blasted Pervert! and I stand by my criticism; if you're going to have a porn star vehicle that's essential a 90 minute penis joke, then just make it a porno and get it over with. This film thankfully spares me the pain of penis jokes. It utilizes a fun fantasy plot, somewhat sympathetic characters, an army of sexy eye candy, and marginally professional cinematography. If you know what you're getting into when you watch this, I do recommend it.
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Post by Crowfan on Jun 7, 2011 17:26:35 GMT -5
The Bermuda Triangle. John Huston and Hugo Stiglitz star in this movie about a group of travelers who get lost in the Bermuda Triangle. The underwater photography is really cool, and rumor has it that they actually killed a shark in the scene where the divers are attacked. Good, cheesy fun.
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Post by pablo on Jun 11, 2011 23:21:41 GMT -5
[glow=yellow,2,300]Maniac[/glow] 1963 Filmed in the French countryside, we meet an American tired of his girlfriend and decides to shack up with a mother and daughter who run a small cafe. The Maniac of the title, married to the horse-riding mother/cafe owner, is locked away in a nearby asylum for the crime of taking a blow torch to the rapist who assaulted the daughter years before. The film rolls along very gingerly, adding layer upon layer of character development,which, just bored me, but I stuck with it to the end and am glad I did because the final act really pays off.
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Post by angilasman on Jun 12, 2011 12:54:10 GMT -5
Has anyone been watching the salute to drive-in creature features every Thursday on TCM this month?
The first week it was Godzilla films and last Thursday it was all US giant bug movies (and The Giant Claw).
I sorta lumped Tarantula in with flicks like The Amazing Colossal Man and Beginning of the End in my mind, but now that I've seen it I know it's a cut above. The composite shots with the tarantula are actually really impressive. Shows what you can do with those old fashioned special effects when a little time and care is applied.
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Post by pablo on Jun 12, 2011 14:25:49 GMT -5
^ I've been very aware of the TCM B-movie thursday double features and I LOVE that they are doing that but alas, I have not viewed. Thanks for the Tarantula review.
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Post by pablo on Jun 26, 2011 15:22:21 GMT -5
Drive Angry2011 For movie buff's who are not 'Action' movie fans. Why? Because DA has a sense of humor. Especially William Fichtner on his mission from Hell to haul back an escapee-one Nicholas Cage. One Nicholas Cage who is on a mission to rescue the baby child by the daughter he never payed attention to. Ok, I admit it, I rented this based solely on the shots of Amber Heard in the previews BUT I wound up liking this whole thing! Can get a bit bloody and the language is not for children......AND.........there are two blatant, outright, nude scenes and you know, all the basic tenants of the Action vehicle are all present and accounted for-guns/cars/explosions/lots of mean characters..... but the streak of humor running through this ALMOST makes me re-consider my Action fick ban.
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Post by TheNewMads on Jun 29, 2011 8:12:34 GMT -5
Concorde--Airport '79. Total piece of cheese starring pretty much everyone who was big in the 1970's, including Robert Wagner, David Warner, Alain Delon, and the king of disaster movies, George Kennedy. Unintentionally funny. i love concorde: airport '79. george kennedy's movie-spanning quest to find a willing prostitute is a high point. i've probably seen that movie at least a half-dozen times.
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Post by Crowfan on Jun 29, 2011 9:03:15 GMT -5
Concorde--Airport '79. Total piece of cheese starring pretty much everyone who was big in the 1970's, including Robert Wagner, David Warner, Alain Delon, and the king of disaster movies, George Kennedy. Unintentionally funny. i love concorde: airport '79. george kennedy's movie-spanning quest to find a willing prostitute is a high point. i've probably seen that movie at least a half-dozen times. I actually enjoy it too. The scenes with Martha Raye in the bathroom crack me up every time.
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