Post by Mitchell on May 16, 2013 18:31:56 GMT -5
How much meat is too much? I mean, literally? I'm not talking John Holmes amounts of tenderloin.
That reminds me, I've seen Harvey Keitel naked way too many times.
I get to learn how to weld in about a half an hour.
MIG. Not TIG. Certainly not brazing. I learned brazing was crap from No Country For Old Men.
I enjoyed that movie because Javier Bardiem said he didn't get laid for a half-a-year with that haircut.
Which makes me wonder how long it's been for Tommy Lee Jones and those Ultra Bags he has under his eyes.
Do you think if you left a can of spray cheese in the sun for a week it would explode?
Would it smell worse than Roger Ebert?
I mean, back when he wasn't dead.
Wait, was that harsh?
Probably.
Did you know Duke University will charge you $40 to tell you how stupid your dog is?
They sell it as an intelligence test, but really, it's for dogs. All they're going to say is "your dog is somewhere between a special-needs pig and a loaf of rye bread."
For the last fifteen seconds I literally had 0 thoughts cross my mind. ZERO. It was deliciously peaceful.
When you see a guy with a really shaggy beard do you think he's dangerous, or just trying WAAAYY too hard?
I can't wait for the next season of Top Shot because that dude has GORGEOUS teeth.
So does my wife, but hers are natural so they don't count.
I have a feeling this is what Andy Rooney would sound like if he A] wasn't dead and B] smoked a lot of crank.
How does someone get started on crank? I mean, unless your Ellen Burstyn.
You know what's bothering me? Pea Green isn't really the color of peas. At least not those ubergreen ones on the salad bar.
"Sirs:
I'm here. You can't see me, but I'm here.
--Signed,
A booger. On the Burger King Salad Bar"
That reminds me, it's been FOREVER since fast food places had salad bars.
And that reminds me when I was a kid, my father, bombed out of his gourd, took me to Wendy's. At that time, they had this thing called the "SuperBar" which had pasta, salad, maybe some mexican stuff, the usual combination of detritus mixed up. It was unlimited trips for $5.00. So my dad pays his five bucks and reiterates to the cashier "So, for $5 I get anything on the Super Bar?" She affirmatively replies. We go over there. He takes the decorative pineapple and goes back to the table, trying to cut into it with a plastic knife. The manager comes over and throws us out.
It was the first of two times I'd get thrown out of an establishment because of my father. The second time was when he got thrown out of a strip club in Flint, Michigan (I was not there with my father by choice, mind you) because he took his dollar back out of the "dancer's" G-String because he didn't like the dance and wanted "a refund."
That's why I come here and post crap like this thread.
I better end it now or Phanty won't read it because it's too long.
EDIT: because leaving "you're" in when I meant "your" is driving me batpoopie
That reminds me, I've seen Harvey Keitel naked way too many times.
I get to learn how to weld in about a half an hour.
MIG. Not TIG. Certainly not brazing. I learned brazing was crap from No Country For Old Men.
I enjoyed that movie because Javier Bardiem said he didn't get laid for a half-a-year with that haircut.
Which makes me wonder how long it's been for Tommy Lee Jones and those Ultra Bags he has under his eyes.
Do you think if you left a can of spray cheese in the sun for a week it would explode?
Would it smell worse than Roger Ebert?
I mean, back when he wasn't dead.
Wait, was that harsh?
Probably.
Did you know Duke University will charge you $40 to tell you how stupid your dog is?
They sell it as an intelligence test, but really, it's for dogs. All they're going to say is "your dog is somewhere between a special-needs pig and a loaf of rye bread."
For the last fifteen seconds I literally had 0 thoughts cross my mind. ZERO. It was deliciously peaceful.
When you see a guy with a really shaggy beard do you think he's dangerous, or just trying WAAAYY too hard?
I can't wait for the next season of Top Shot because that dude has GORGEOUS teeth.
So does my wife, but hers are natural so they don't count.
I have a feeling this is what Andy Rooney would sound like if he A] wasn't dead and B] smoked a lot of crank.
How does someone get started on crank? I mean, unless your Ellen Burstyn.
You know what's bothering me? Pea Green isn't really the color of peas. At least not those ubergreen ones on the salad bar.
"Sirs:
I'm here. You can't see me, but I'm here.
--Signed,
A booger. On the Burger King Salad Bar"
That reminds me, it's been FOREVER since fast food places had salad bars.
And that reminds me when I was a kid, my father, bombed out of his gourd, took me to Wendy's. At that time, they had this thing called the "SuperBar" which had pasta, salad, maybe some mexican stuff, the usual combination of detritus mixed up. It was unlimited trips for $5.00. So my dad pays his five bucks and reiterates to the cashier "So, for $5 I get anything on the Super Bar?" She affirmatively replies. We go over there. He takes the decorative pineapple and goes back to the table, trying to cut into it with a plastic knife. The manager comes over and throws us out.
It was the first of two times I'd get thrown out of an establishment because of my father. The second time was when he got thrown out of a strip club in Flint, Michigan (I was not there with my father by choice, mind you) because he took his dollar back out of the "dancer's" G-String because he didn't like the dance and wanted "a refund."
That's why I come here and post crap like this thread.
I better end it now or Phanty won't read it because it's too long.
EDIT: because leaving "you're" in when I meant "your" is driving me batpoopie
