Torgo's Review Thread 2.0

[Torgo]

Many years ago, I had my own review thread. I was just a kid, so it wasn’t very good. But it’s still around, so if you feel like suffering through my inanity go ‘head on.

Several years ago back when I was an administrator I moved it to Tom Servo’s Bedroom with the intention of revamping it into something new, cooler, easier to read, and with a refreshing mint flavor. I was going to sit down and watch the entire series from beginning to end and do it that way, but while watching the series beginning to end was historically interesting enough to make it worthwhile, writing in between each episode didn’t feel like it was. Earlier this year I had began plans of watching a random episode each week to ease myself on my days off, but I never got started. Then this whole reboot nonsense started and it got me thinking I should really try that again.

And maybe reboot my thread to boot. After all, one episode a week doesn’t sound too heavy. And using a random number generator to deduce what episode I will watch each week will help keep things interesting. That way I don’t overdose on any given era.

Disclaimer: Due to shifting priorities week after week, some days I just won't be able to get to an MST episode. Maybe some days I'll get to more than one to compensate. I can't say for certain, but let's just see where it leads us.

And here’s my updated E-Z-Link to keep things easy navigation.

Pilot:
The Green Slime

KTMA:
Invaders from the Deep
Revenge of the Mysterons from Mars
Star Force: Fugitive Alien II (KTMA)
Gamera vs. Barugon (KTMA)
Gamera (KTMA)
Gamera vs. Gaos (KTMA)
Gamera vs. Zigra (KTMA)
Gamera vs. Guiron (KTMA)
Phase IV
Cosmic Princess
Humanoid Woman
Fugitive Alien (KTMA)
SST- Death Flight
Mighty Jack (KTMA)
Superdome
City on Fire
Time of the Apes (KTMA)
The Million Eyes of Sumuru (KTMA)
Hangar 18
The Last Chase
The “Legend of Dinosaurs”

Season 1:
The Crawling Eye
The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy
The Mad Monster
The Corpse Vanishes
The Crawling Hand
Robot Monster
The Slime People
Project Moon Base
Robot Holocaust
Moon Zero Two
Untamed Youth
The Black Scorpion
Women of the Prehistoric Planet

Season 2:
Rocketship X-M
The Side Hackers
Jungle Goddess
Catalina Caper
Rocket Attack USA
Ring of Terror
Wild Rebels
Lost Continent
The Hellcats
King Dinosaur
First Spaceship on Venus
Godzilla vs. Megalon
Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster

Season 3:
Cave Dwellers
Gamera
Pod People
Gamera vs. Barugon
Stranded in Space
Time of the Apes
Daddy-O
Gamera vs. Gaos
The Amazing Colossal Man
Fugitive Alien
It Conquered the World
Gamera vs. Guiron
Earth vs. the Spider
Mighty Jack
Teenage Cave Man
Gamera vs. Zigra
The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent
Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
War of the Colossal Beast
The Unearthly
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Master Ninja I
The Castle of Fu Manchu
Master Ninja II

Season 4:
Space Travelers
The Giant Gila Monster
City Limits
Teenagers from Outer Space
Being from Another Planet
Attack of the Giant Leeches
The Killer Shrews
Hercules Unchained
Indestructible Man
Hercules Against the Moon Men
The Magic Sword
Hercules and the Captive Women
Manhunt in Space
Tormented
The Beatniks
Fire Maidens of Outer Space
Crash of Moons
Attack of the The Eye Creatures
The Rebel Set
The Human Duplicators
Monster A-Go Go
The Day the Earth Froze
Bride of the Monster
“Manos” The Hands of Fate

Season 5:
Warrior of the Lost World
Hercules
Swamp Diamonds
Secret Agent Super Dragon
The Magic Voyage of Sinbad
Eegah
I Accuse My Parents
Operation Double 007
The Girl in Lovers Lane
The Painted Hills
Gunslinger
Mitchell
The Brain That Wouldn’t Die
Teen-Age Strangler
The Wild Wild World of Batwoman
Alien from L.A.
Beginning of the End
The Atomic Brain
Outlaw
Radar Secret Service
Santa Claus
Teen-Age Crime Wave
Village of the Giants
12 to the Moon

Season 6:
Girls Town
Invasion USA
The Dead Talk Back
Zombie Nightmare
Colossus and the Headhunters
The Creeping Terror
Bloodlust
Code Name: Diamond Head
The Skydivers
The Violent Years
Last of the Wild Horses
The Starfighters
The Sinister Urge
San Francisco International
Kitten with a Whip
Racket Girls
The Sword and the Dragon
High School Big Shot
Red Zone Cuba
Danger!! Death Ray
The Beast of Yucca Flats
Angels’ Revenge
The Amazing Transparent Man
Samson vs. the Vampire Women

Movie:
This Island Earth

Season 7:
Night of the Blood Beast (Turkey Day)
Night of the Blood Beast
The Brute Man
Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell
The Incredible Melting Man
Escape 2000
Laserblast

Season 8:
Revenge of the Creature
The Leech Woman
The Mole People
The Deadly Mantis
The Thing that Couldn’t Die
The Undead
Terror from the Year 5000
The She-Creature
I Was a Teenage Werewolf
The Giant Spider Invasion
Parts: The Clonus Horror
The Incredibly Strange Creatures that Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
Jack Frost
Riding with Death
Agent for H.A.R.M.
Prince of Space
The Horror of Party Beach
Devil Doll
Invasion of the Neptune Men
Space Mutiny
Time Chasers
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

Season 9:
The Projected Man
The Phantom Planet
The Pumaman
Werewolf
The Deadly Bees
The Space Children
Hobgoblins
The Touch of Satan
Gorgo
The Final Sacrifice
Devil Fish
The Screaming Skull
Quest of the Delta Knights

Season 10:
Soultaker
Girl in Gold Boots
Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders
Future War
Blood Waters of Dr. Z
Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues…
Track of the Moon Beast
Final Justice
Hamlet
It Lives By Night
Horrors of Spider Island
Squirm
Diabolik

Season 11 (The Return):
Reptilicus
Cry Wilderness
The Time Travelers
Avalanche
The Beast of Hollow Mountain
Starcrash
The Land That Time Forgot
The Loves of Hercules
Yongary, Monster from the Deep
Wizards of the Lost Kingdom
Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II
Carnival Magic
The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t
At the Earth’s Core

Season 12 (The Gauntlet):
Mac and Me
Atlantic Rim
Lords of the Deep
The Day Time Ended
Killer Fish
Ator, the Fighting Eagle

Season 13:
Santo in The Treasure of Dracula
Robot Wars
Beyond Atlantis
Munchie
Doctor Mordrid
Demon Squad
Gamera vs. Jiger
The Batwoman
The Million Eyes of Sumuru
The Shape of Things to Come
The Mask
The Bubble
The Christmas Dragon

Misc.:
Assignment: Venezuela
This is MST3K
The Making of Mystery Science Theater 3000
MST3K Little Gold Statue Preview Special
The 1st Annual Mystery Science Theater 3000 Summer Blockbuster Review
Acadamy of Robot's Choice Awards Special
The 2nd Annual Mystery Science Theater 3000 Summer Blockbuster Review
Shorts Volume 1
Shorts Volume 2
Shorts Volume 3
Mr. B's Lost Shorts
Radar Men from the Moon
Serial Variety Pack
Play MSTie for Me Triple Decker
Poopie! & Poopie II!
Poopie Parade of Values

DVD Retrospectives:
Single DVD Releases
Volume 1
Volume 2
Volume 3
Volume 4
Volume 5
The Essentials
Volume 6
Volume 7
Volume 8
Volume 9
Volumes 10 and 10.2
Volume 11
Volume 12
20th Anniversary Edition
Volume XIV
Volume XV
Volume XVI
Volume XVII
Volume XVIII
Volume XIX
Volume XX
Volume XXI: MST3K vs. Gamera
Volume XXII
Volume XXIII
Volume XXIV
Volume XXV
Volume XXVI
Volume XXVII
25th Anniversary Edition
Volume XXIX
Volume XXX
Volume XXXI: The Turkey Day Collection
Volume XXXII
Volume XXXIII
Volume XXXIV
Volume XXXV
Volume XXXVI
Volume XXXVII
Volume XXXVIII
Volume XXXIX
Season 11
The Singles Collection
The Lost and Found Collection
Season 12: The Gauntlet
MST3K on Blu-ray
The VHS Collection
Episodes Unreleased on DVD

First up…I expected something random but I was really surprised at what I was given first. One man alone standing against a giant monster…will he survive?

[Torgo]

K05-Gamera

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

Giant turtle breaks loose from the arctic and tears crap apart in Tokyo. A little boy named Kenny runs around and claims it is misunderstood and a friend to mankind…as this turtle is stomping around and killing thousands. Yeah, we believe you kid.

I had seen this movie several years before I had even known it had been on the show. As soon as I found out, my instant reaction was “good.” This is one stupid assed movie. Gamera as a monster has grown on me over the years, but this movie is just has poor ideas at every turn. Every new power Gamera showcases makes the viewer flinch and go “really?” The main character of Kenny isn’t sympathetic in the slightest, or maybe I’m just biased against kids who wander around the military and tell generals what to do.

I don’t get it. Yeah it’s camp, but it’s kind of insulting camp when you think about it. We’re supposed to believe Gamera is a good monster, but if we do we have to also believe he’s self aware of the horrible things he’s doing. Hell, even when in the scene where he saves Kenny from the crumbling lighthouse it needs to be pointed out that the only reason Kenny’s in danger at all is because Gamera purposefully pushed the damn thing over. This means we’re meant to sympathize with Gamera because he saved one child he almost killed out of the thousands of people he did kill. It just doesn’t make sense. Not a lot about Gamera entertains me, even in my youth it didn’t. Considering I’m usually an apologist for this type of film, that should tell you a lot.

Note: This is the only black & white film of the KTMA season.

Movie Rating: 2/10

The Episode

Yes, this is the infamous episode where Joel riffs the movie by itself. Even worse, it’s improvised, so the dead air is aplenty. One thing that I’ve found in my history with the series and its related shows is that solo riffing just isn’t as fun as riffing with a group. I’ve noticed that the Rifftrax where there’s only one sole rifer, while can be funny, just don’t have the same vibe as group Rifftrax. In a group, there are people to bounce off of, people to take what have been said and ride with it, and so on. On solo, you’re basically just talking to yourself. And that’s what happened here.

To be fair, Joel makes an admirable effort, but he gives off vibes of awkwardness. It doesn’t feel as if he likes doing it alone, and he doesn’t really know what to do with the film he’s given. It’s pretty much a losing battle for the poor fellow. The end result is pretty much watching the movie by itself. If they had watched a better movie, that might not have been a bad thing. That said, the episode sounds worse than it really is. The riff ratio is low, but I was never bored with it. Maybe because Japanese behemoths are up my alley, but whatever. Joel’s reaction when he hears “Gamera’s organs are like a hydroelectric plant” is priceless.

On the host segment end, there’s one segment that made me laugh a great deal, and that’s the Ted Turner Poll. The questions are absolutely hysterical. The Barugon fight review is pretty funny too. The rest of the host segments just feel filler, and the idea of a frozen Crow serving as a Christmas tree is pretty clever, but it really isn’t that funny in execution.

Poopie: At the end of the first theater segment, the theater seats disappear after Joel leaves.
Poopie: A caller gets away with saying the “S” word on local television! It looks as if he got away with it because the crew changed the transcript to say “ship” instead. What the hell?

I’m on the fence about this one as a whole. On one hand, the solo riffing doesn’t do the episodes any favors. On the other, even still I’d still prefer this episode to several choice scripted episodes with a full riffing staff. And several of the host segments got good laughs out of me. I gotta go with my gut and break the hate chain on this episode. It’s middle of the road, but it has highs that make it worthwhile.

Episode Rating: Average

Next Week: We jump straight from an earliest season monster movie to one from the tenth season. Howz about zaat? (too subtle?)

[Torgo]

Since somebody asked yesterday, I thought I'd post an clarify. Replies are more than welcome in this thread. All the organization I need is in the first post.

[Mod City]

Looks like this will be a spot to check out in the coming weeks/months. There's just something about seeing the full episode list. Sometimes you forget just how many movies they covered during their initial run.

Nice organization, too. Keep it up, Torgo!

[Torgo]

Feel free to use me, Moddy.

[Torgo]

1005-Blood Waters of Dr. Z

The Movie

Oddity of a mad scientist tale has a man who is fed up with humanity seeking to turn himself into a new breed of aquatic hybrid, spawn a new species, and become the dominant life form on the planet. After his plan succeeds, he seeks revenge on those who scoffed at his experiments and then seeks a woman to turn into his mate.

Made on the cheap and poorly acted, yet there’s something oddly endearing about Blood Waters of Dr. Z that I can’t deny. The crew makes great strides to make its low budget an asset and not a liability, and the film becomes sort of a creepy, voyeuristic horror movie akin to the likes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The monster costume looks stupid, but it comes off as a genuine threat in spite of itself.

I like a lot of aspects to this movie. I like how it shows the world from the monster’s point of view, and I like the internal narration that overdubs the movie. I like how it’s a bizarro hybrid of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the Creature from the Black Lagoon done in a grindhouse style of a movie that barely anybody would watch. I wish it had more in its favor, because it’s so close to being a good oldie chiller. But at times it bumbles around, before jumping back up to a confident swagger where it acts like it did nothing wrong and was always being cool.

It’s actually a movie I hope to see unMSTed one day, just to see how it holds up on its own.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

It took a while for me to warm up to this episode. I think the first time the movie overwhelmed me with its dourness that even if the riffing was good, it just wasn’t bleeding through. In the first theater segment for example, almost nothing at all happens. We watch our mad scientist turn into a fish monster at a veeeeeeeeeeery casual pace, and that’s about it. It isn’t until about forty minutes into the episode in which some sort of storyline is set into motion (and even then it barely qualifies). After a few viewings I started to notice the virtues of the production in general, which made the movie less of a slog, and Mike and the ‘bots comments became louder to me.

The crew immediately notices the tone of the piece, and they decide the best approach is to counterweight it. They don’t want this episode to be a drag like I initially judged it to be, so they lighten the mood and keep things silly. A lot of the comments point out the goofiest aspects of the dark imagery and if you aren’t put off by the movie you get a lot to laugh at here. If you are, bear in mind that they’re doing their best to hold your hand and say “We can get through this together.”

The host segments do a lot to continue to make light of the movie’s darkness. Crow’s parody of the movie’s narration is great for a belly laugh at the very least. They aren’t always successful, as Servo and Crow’s attempt to make their case for acting in the nude grows a bit weary (and seeing Bobo and Observer au natural isn’t very appealing…and I though Brain Guy didn’t have a body?). This particular segment ends on a high note bark of a laugh, to be fair. Fairing the weakest is the ending, where Servo and Crow take inspiration by the monster’s odd carrying cases and try to make their own. Each one is pretty much the same joke in a different shape. Probably the segment I enjoyed the most had nothing to do with the movie at all, which is Pearl’s latest Mad experiment of love deprivation, which is wittily written and wonderfully executed.

Overall I’d say this is a good one to watch. The movie, despite its tone, is not the worst thing they’ve ever watched and the boys get a lot of laughs. Definitely check it out, just try to stay positive.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

This episode was released by Shout Factory in their Volume XVII box set. The episode featured exceptional audio and with one or two tape flaws on an overall fine video, and a few base movie-related extras.

First up are three TV promos, which advertise it under its original title of “Zaat.” Each mostly show the same footage. Next up is a fairly “what you see is what you get” trailer to the movie, also under the original title. I can say with fair certainty that anybody who saw this trailer probably knew whether or not the movie was up their ally from this ad alone. Finally is a photo gallery of print promotional material. Here you’ll find black and white stills from the film, a print ad summery of the film, and a lot of the same poster image printed over and over again with different size ratios.

Next time: HEY! SOMEBODY STOLE MY BIKE!

[Torgo]

514-Teen-Age Strangler (With Short: “Is This Love?”)

The Short

This first short of the Mike era is sex ed, 50’s style, where sexual relations don’t exist and men and women only get married because they find the other totally keen. Peg and Joe are college students but have just gotten engaged and their family is concerned that they might be rushing into the commitment. The short consists of people trying to talk sense into the young couple, only to have them elope in the end and drop out of college anyway.

The short was obviously meant to stimulate discussion in a classroom, as the teacher is supposed to ask the student whether Peg and Joe did the right thing. It’s possible that the intent was for there to not be a right or wrong answer and let the viewer draw their own conclusions, but in the context of the film itself it seems to me that Peg and Joe are both stubborn and not too bright. Maybe college wasn’t the best place for them after all, yet the idea of these two lunkheads breeding doesn’t appeal to me either.

Maybe that was intentional too, to sway toward the side of them being brash so they can plant the chastity seed in the heads of teenagers. Whatever the reason, the short works well enough for its purpose, but its grey area needs work.

The Movie

It’s amateur hour in the theater, and we have a movie that really makes you long for the lavish production values of Bride of the Monster. This low budget, independent pile of…er I mean thriller sees an unknown assailant who attacks teenage girls and strangles them to death.

Often overlooked in fan circles, but Teen-Age Stranger is one of the very worst movies ever featured on the show. Maybe people don’t want to grill it too much, because its limitations make it almost like picking on a little girl with Down syndrome. But it’s just a mess of a movie, obviously a cheap attempt to rake in some cash from the exploitive teenage horror crowd that was becoming popular at the time. But that attempt is really the only interesting thing about the movie, as it plays out almost like a proto-slasher movie before the slasher movie craze.

But there’s so much padding, bad acting, obnoxious characters, and poor filmmaking that the movie never ceases being a complete pain in the ass to watch. At every turn where I try to find a positive aspect about the production, the movie finds itself doing something completely stupid to brush it off. In the end it comes off as a really odd and annoying thing that the 60s produced, and honestly I have a fairly low tolerance of a lot of things 60s as is.

At any rate this film is proof that just because something didn’t come out of Hollywood doesn’t mean it’s immune to sucking.

Movie Rating: 1/10

The Episode

“Doin’ da butt! Uh-uh. Doin’ da butt!” (One of those scenes where I just laugh my ass off every time)

Here we are with Mike's second outing as host, and while it doesn't quite reach the level of his impressive debut, Teen-Age Strangler is a quite good follow-up, further cementing that the Mike era could be just as good as any episode hosted by Joel.

The riffing on the short gets the episode off to a great start as our boys mock the simplistic affair with the greatest of ease. I especially love their listing of made up short names during the end credits. The movie segments mostly keep momentum, which is a best case scenario when you have a movie this bad. The gang especially gets a kick out of Mikey, and relish every minute the little guy is on screen. They also aim to enhance the ineptitude of the production and manage to fly this shaky airplane gracefully and effortlessly. It’s a fairly impressive effort by Mike and the bots, because this movie genuinely is the bare minimum of content to qualify as an actual story and if they were any less funny than they are here it would be easy to just shut the episode off without feeling you’ve missed anything.

The host segments are less successful. None of them really stand out, as it looks like Mike is still trying to find his on-screen mojo with Kevin and Trace. At times he feels almost as if he’s trying to fill the surrogate father role that Joel had, and infuse it with the “one of the guys” vibe that would eventually become, and it’s not working. The Invention Exchange is also a hard knock, as both inventions really lack imagination nor are they really funny. The Mike era would find a groove that works for it, but it’s definitely not here.

Teen-Age Strangler proves to be a solid sophomore effort for the new host of the series, even if growing pains are present. Mike is still dynamite in the theater and has a natural flow with his robot companions, which is still enough to make one optimistic about this new turn in the series.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

This episode was released on Rhino’s Volume 10 and its reissue, 10.2. Video and audio is exceptional, and there’s a pretty solid outtake reel of season 7 and 8 thrown in for good measure.

The short Is This Love? was the third short featured on Rhino's Shorts Volume 3 collection, which was an exclusive bonus disc if you ordered The Essentials set through their website. Unfortunately this is the only Rhino disc I don't own, so I can't speak for picture quality. But if it's sourced from the same material that they mastered the episode in Volume 10 with (which I don't see why they wouldn't), it probably looks fine.

Next Time: …the telephone is ringing…

[Torgo]

K11-Humanoid Woman

The Movie

Aha! An unsung Sandy Frank import! This one from Russia (the episode misidentifies it as Czechoslovakia). Who’d’ve thunk it?

Astronauts find an alien woman adrift in space and bring her down to Earth where they treat her for amnesia by letting her roll on grass, wear wigs, and play tennis with a robot knock-off of Rosie from the Jetsons.

“What’s bothering you?”
“…the telephone is ringing…”

Somehow this exchange leads her to try and get back to her dying homeworld, so she hitchhikes on a space mission in an attempt to return.

Weird movie that bounces back and forth between something serious and something bizarre (or does taking its bizarreness seriously count?). By the time we get to the ending featuring some bizarre possessed pile of whipped cream and roasted marshmallows that eats people, the movie flies so far off its rocker that you can’t help but admire the effort it took to make something this unconventional.

It’s not…awful, but it’s too off in its own world to be really all that enjoyable. Sometimes that tongue-in-cheek attitude can be your saving grace if you just embrace it.

Note: Apparently the uncut version of this movie, titled "To the Stars by Hard Ways," is two-and-a-half hours long. If you were wondering why the movie makes little sense, cutting an hour out of it probably had something to do with it.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

This episode might have been stronger later on where they would have played up the oddness far more than they do here. It’s a tad disappointing that they don’t play with it as much as Cosmic Princess or Gamera vs. Guiron, but it’s hard to ask for more from KTMA than it gives. I’m just happy they put out so much quality comedy with so little production value.

Three of the host segments were remade for the first national season, which tells me that the crew was proud of them. I think they’re solid, but not really amazing. Though Servo hitting on a blender is classic comedy. And for whatever reason, I think the idea of the Mads having a cardboard cutout of Elvira all tied up is hilarious.

I’m on the fence. Some parts of the episode leave me smiling and others cold. I’m going to throw this one in the lesser category, but it’s better than others that I’d lump there as well.

Episode Rating: Average

Next time: That jolly man laughing “Ho-ho-ho!” aint Santa…it’s Toblerone!

[Torgo]

705-Escape 2000

The Movie

“You must leave the Bronx!”

This low budget, Italian 80’s action movie wannabe is actually the second installment of a supposed trilogy, following up a film called 1990: The Bronx Warriors and in turn followed by a flick called The New Barbarians. I’m not sure if Escape 2000 (AKA Escape from the Bronx) is the worst of these, but if this movie is anything to go by, the rest of the series probably didn’t amount to much.

In this movie the Bronx has been targeted for demolition and all the residents are being forced out of their homes by the latest generic evil corporation made up for a movie. Those who refuse to leave will die, and a lady reporter vows to reveal the truth to the world. She teams up with tank-top-wearing Trash (you know you’re trying too hard to come up with an action hero name when…), the eternally cackling Dablone, and a group of underground resistance to kidnap the corporate president because hostage situations always end well.

Yes, this is one of those really stupid movies where the government is corrupt and the only way to survive is terrorism…er I mean “fighting back.” Kind of like those garbage Hunger Games or Maze Runner movies, only more endearing. It’s kind of hard to really get interested in the story, because our villains, a corrupt politician and an evil corporation, kill people mercilessly to basically try and make the neighborhood a better place, and our “heroes” who are fighting back are hard to root for because they basically want to keep their residential area a garbage wasteland full of violence. Granted our bad guy corporation is being a dick about the whole thing in murdering civilians (with FIRE AND TORCHES no less), but I’m more inclined to side with them. At least they're doing something productive, while our "good guys" are fighting for their right to lounge around in a dump.

Shoddy production tries its damnedest to deliver the action goods, but when your movie looks cheaper than a Cannon production maybe you shouldn’t bother. Not to mention it’s odd to use the word “Escape” so prominently in your title when your characters are actually fighting to stay, not leave. On the plus side, the movie has an unapologetic punk rock edge to it. Whether or not it knows how ridiculous it looks is up in the air, but it has a confident stride to it that makes it likable. It doesn’t make it not terrible, but it’s got some things going for it.

Movie Rating: 4/10

The Episode

Here we have the penultimate episode of the Comedy Central era of MST, and it’s a delightful one. 80’s cheese is almost never a recipe for disaster, and the crew manages to bake yet another tasty cheesecake out of a goofy movie. Mike, Servo, and Crow seem to be enjoying this one a lot and have fun playing with its inanity. There’s nothing about the production that’s a slog, and we just go limp and run with the current of the movie, and the results are golden.

First thing you’ll notice off the bat about the host segments are that a handful of them are devoted to setting the Satellite of Love on fire. There might be a passive attitude going down after the show’s cancelation saying “Meh. If the set burns, it burns.” The non-pyromania host segments don’t fare very well by comparison. The opening auction, for example, is cute but never funny. That said, I really do enjoy Dr. Forrester’s take on “putting mother in a home.” And I absolutely LOVE Mike at the end as Dablone.

“I hear of a Jack-in-the-Box but…I NEVER HEAR OF A LADY-IN-THE-BOX!”

It’s too bad that Dablone never managed to be a recurring guest character, like Torgo. I think he had it in him, and our gang on the show clearly love the guy (it definitely looks like Mike is having a blast). But as is, this one dip into the land of Dablone is a good one, and it’s always worth going back just to see him again.

Note: This is the last time a fan letter was read on the show (each episode is the funniest ever and confusion over where the bots sleep). The Sci-Fi era had a callback in Deadly Mantis where the SOL crew read a letter from fictional character Peanut the ape, but other than that this was it. As of this writing it remains to be seen whether or not the reboot will bring the letters back.

Episode Rating: Good

Next Time: Take one step back. I kid you not, this episode was randomly picked for the next one.

[Torgo]

704-The Incredible Melting Man

The Movie

Talent titans of the silver screen united! Academy Award winning make-up artist Rick Baker (An American Werewolf in London, The Wolfman) teams up with Academy Award winning director Jonathan Demme (The Silence of the Lambs)…in a supporting acting role.

This powerful epic is a story tells of astronaut Steve West’s journey to the planet Saturn, but a solar flare caused his body to be irradiated. Thanks to a spectacularly bad jump cut (which may have been due to lack of time or lack of budget), Steve is transported back to Earth in a blink of an eye from Saturn (thank you for your assistance, Captain Kirk and Scotty). Once back on his own planet, Steve discovers his skin being turned into a gelatinous ooze, escapes from custody, and becomes homicidal because that’s what you do if you’re disfigured (just ask Harvey Two-Face). It’s up to one intrepid Dr. Ted Nelson to find him before it’s too late.

Ooey-gooey-rich-and-chewy monster movie is mostly paint by numbers and tries to sell itself through its high-concept premise alone. One can’t say that you don’t get what you’re promised when you go see a movie called The Incredible Melting Man. Unfortunately it’s offset by uneven plotting, poor acting, and questionable jarring tonal shifts (the elderly couple being a nifty example). The movie is often unintentionally funny, with the scene featuring a nurse slow-mo crashing through a glass door taking top honors on that regard. But it will have you laughing one minute and boring you the next and grossing you out in between.

Be forewarned that this flick lives up to its title, and is quite a bit gorier than we’re used to seeing on MST (which uses edited versions of their films for television broadcast). In the case of Incredible Melting Man, if you cut out all of the gooey content you’d be stuck with about forty minutes of fakey outer space, old people stealing lemons, magical milk levitating cats, and Ted Nelson wandering around searching for a seemingly invisible monster and complaining about a lack of crackers. I, myself, can’t complain about that. This movie is full of crackers.

But speaking of crackers, this probably isn’t the best episode to be eating anything while watching. So you might want to set aside that pizza and popcorn, maybe keep a jug of water handy to help keep that bile down.

Movie Rating: 3/10

The Episode

You see before the seventh season was put into production our crew at MST made a movie. A real Hollywood movie. Not a real successful Hollywood movie, but it was a studio motion picture. This episode takes their experiences from that and puts them forth in a satirical manor. Watching them you’d almost think they had some sort of resentment for the experience. Being micromanaged in Hollywood? NAAAAAAH that would never happen.

(Pssst…they do and it did)

While the movie segments don’t slouch, the real stars of the episode are the host segments. It’s a fairly wonderful story arc, as Dr. Forrester and Pearl inform Crow that Hollywood has picked up his screenplay Earth vs. Soup (first featured in Earth vs. the Spider). What results is a wild and wacky hodgepodge of production woes: from budget problems to disastrous reads to test screenings, and, my personal favorite, Mike wearing a Kevin Bacon name tag. Say what you will about Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie, but the affair sent us home with some wonderful material here.

It’s not often that the movie segments play-second fiddle in an episode, and it might usually be because they’re a bit below par to the point that the host segments shine brighter. It’s not really the case here, as they’re given one hell of a weird movie, and a more extravagant one than they’re used to. Some of their wit feels fresher because the film is so unique in their canon. The riffing is at its strongest when the movie is at its oddest, which is more toward the beginning, and Mike, Servo, and Crow set forth the precision jabs like the pros they are. As the film’s tone gets darker, the laughter becomes less uproarious and more like a steady stream of chuckles, which is the sad disappointment of this episode. Had the laughs kept pace with the first third of the movie, then we would have had a classic on our hands. But they die down and we’re left with just a solid performer instead.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

The Incredible Melting Man has been announced as one of the episodes featured on Shout Factory's Volume XXXVI release, due out July 26th. No special features are known at this time.

Next Time: Don’t worry, the Mike-heaviness of these random selections will be getting something from the prolific Joel/Trace/Kevin-era next. And with one hell of a long ass title to boot.

[Torgo]

Quick review edit note: I decided it might be of interest to point out which short compilations feature shorts from various episodes, so I went back and edited a Shorts Volume 3 note into my Teen-Age Strangler review.

Also, since it's the New Year, and 2016 is going to bring in more MST, I think I just might do an extra episode this week. If it goes as planned another episode will be up by tomorrow in a celebratory "Last episode I watched in 2015/First episode I watched in 2016" double feature! And the next episode is a good one. Stay tuned!

[Torgo]

317-The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (With Short: “The Home Economics Story”)

The Short

Are you a woman who dreams of being President of the United States? An Astronaut? Curing cancer? Dream no longer! Because that aint gonna happen! We’re here to tell you how you’re paying good money to go to college yet the only course for you is Home Economics, to prepare you for all those jobs out there for women: like cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children!

A short that’s more dated than most provides a look at what doors were open to women in the 1950’s, which weren’t very many. The short was probably made as a helpful tool to guide young girls into picking a career, even if that “career” was housewife. Today it’s sad, but at the time it probably seemed proactive. This was what a woman’s life was like, and these were the options they had, and Home Economics was a safe bet in ensuring they exorcised those options into their maximum potential.

There’s very little here for a modern viewer, unless one really wants to be domestic and loves Home Economics. If that’s the direction you want, then power to you. But be forewarned that feminists aren’t high on this short’s list of people to please.

Now get into the kitchen, bitch. And don’t leave unless you’re popping out a baby.

The Movie

A group of Viking women go on a voyage to seek out their missing men and set sail on the seas. After their boat is destroyed by a giant sea serpent, they wash ashore and discover their men have been taken prisoner by barbarians. The women take it upon themselves to free their men, escape the barbarians, and defeat the sea monster to make their way home.

Affectionately called Roger Corman’s most ambitious motion picture, The Saga of the Viking Woman and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (there’s a reason most just call it Viking Women and the Sea Serpent) can’t break free of Corman’s penny-pinching nature. And even if it did, it’s still distinctly a Corman film with weak humor, stilted performances, bad effects, and almost no story (and even less plot).

That said, just because Corman products are always vintage bad, doesn’t mean they can’t be enjoyable. Little Shop of Horrors, for example, often tops lists of guilty pleasures. Viking Women and the Sea Serpent isn’t nearly as oddly cute as that film, but it has an oddball charm about it. There’s something almost brilliant about the way it portrays women as macho warriors and men as shrill crybabies (“But you don’t understand, I’M A PRINCE!”). It’s hard to describe the film as a feminist movie, when it mostly just seems an excuse to see some wonderful figures in skimpy costumes, but these gals still have a tendency to kick booty at the best of times. Disappointingly the movie gets fairly man-heavy for the finale, but makes up for it with some goofy action scenes to bring on a laugh.

Add in a really crappy puppet portraying a sea serpent and you have a movie that I kind of dig, even if it is pretty lousy. Corman doesn’t make great movies, but if you have a beer in hand you can kill an hour watching this crap and not regret it.

Movie Rating: 6/10

The Episode

To be honest, the first time I had seen The Home Economics Story was outside of the show on the Shorts Volume 1 DVD, and I was left unimpressed. It’s fairly long, drones on and on, and at times it can seem overwhelmingly monotonous. Within the context of the episode, it flows a lot smoother, and it’s hard to explain why. I think the surrounding episode gives the short in question a better foothold and it works better as an actual ensemble piece.

I absolutely adore the pairing of the short and the movie. We open up with a piece about women learning their place in society and follow it up by a feature about warrior women who are capable of fending for themselves and rescue their wussy males. It’s too perfect that it has to be intentional! The theater segments give our boys a lot of room to work with gender jokes, given the dated educational short and exploitation follow-up giving the episode a theme of women (or I’m Gonna Make it After All, if you will). That said, they don’t over-rely on it and try to maintain a wide variety throughout the episode. Including the catchy cheer…

“Look, look, look at my crotch! Look, look, look at my crotch!”

As for the host segments, our gang on the Satellite has a one-track mind this week and the word on the street is “Waffles.” You would think the breakfast food theme would wear out its welcome by episode’s end, but it adds to the charm of this episode. Whatever may have inspired such an idea for a host segment theme, the crew seems insistent on riding it as high as possible. We’re given lots of syrupy sketches, including the famous “Waffles!” sketch (the shortest they’ve ever done) and the sketch where Crow dons the identity of Willy the Waffle, a pre-callback to the instructional short A Case of Spring Fever, which wasn’t even featured on the show at this point (it would eventually be shown in the tenth season episode Squirm). The invention exchange is fun, as the Mads echo Frankenstein with their Meat Re-Animator where they bring a chicken back to life. Joel and the Bots bring us the aptly-named Waffle Iron, which turns a waffle into a pancake.

Waffles are an odd theme for an MST episode, specifically for one with the feminism vs. chauvinism flavor of the movie segments. The end product of an episode is odd, but tasty, like a waffle itself. And one that’s always a welcome presence on my television.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

Shout Factory released the film under an abbreviated title of “Viking Women vs. the Sea Serpent” in their all-AIP celebratory set of Volume XXXIV. Audio and video were spectacular, and the disc was the most loaded of the set. We start off with a brief, fluffy introduction by Frank Conniff, who doesn’t really say anything about the episode but just mocks the title of the movie. But after that is the real star of the show on this disc.

The second special feature is It Was a Colossal Teenage Movie Machine: The American International Pictures Story, a ninety-minute look at the history of this particular company that gave MST so much wonderful fodder over the years. This documentary is apologetic of product quality but brimming with love as they take a look at these particular moviemakers’ place in cinema history. It’s not short on context, describing the landscape of Hollywood at the time and the age of moviegoers, and make a good argument for how this studio managed to be so successful with their cheapies. An absolutely wonderful love letter to one of the best B-movie product churners on the planet.

For fans of The Home Economics Story who could take or leave the rest of the episode, it is the very first short featured in Rhino’s Shorts Volume 1 compilation featured on their Volume 2 set. The short has an original humorous introduction by Tom Servo (voiced by Kevin Murphy, of course). This compilation is set to be re-released by Shout Factory in their re-release of Volume 2, which is due out on May 24, 2016. Whether the Tom Servo introduction will remain is unknown.

Next Time: I hope I never see another spring as long as I live! (Again, this was chosen entirely random. The fact that we followed the Willy the Waffle episode with this one is a really bizarre coincidence. Though I don’t blame you if you start to doubt it at this point)

[Torgo]

Added a note to my Gamera review about having seem the movie outside the series, which I intend on stamping on episodes where I have seen the unedited version of. I am also looking into avenues of watching more of the films unriffed, though finding the time could be difficult.

This week's review will be up by the end of the day (took longer than I thought it would so it's a juicy one). And since 2016 is The Year of MST, I am really feeling the show in my gut right now. I might do a double feature this week. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

[Torgo]

1012-Squirm (With Short: “A Case of Spring Fever”)

The Short

Fed up with fixing his couch, a disgruntled man wishes he never sees another spring as long as he lives. Enter: Coily, the Spring-Sprite, who grants him his wish to prove just how horrible life would be without springs!

Call it It’s a Wonderful Life…with SPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS! ::whistles:: I really dig this weird little educational short, with its kooky little Looney Tunes omnipotent character that turns the world upside down. It gets a bit talky in its second half, as our main character lists the many uses of springs. I do somewhat wonder who the audience of this short was. I lean toward kids because of the wacky Coily segment, but I can’t really justify the crotchety old man as a main character if it was targeted at a younger demographic. I also wonder if questioning the usefulness of springs was really a huge problem back in the day. Or is it a short meant for adult spring manufacturers? Probably. Did they need it to do their job? Probably not. It’s not like you need to sell the importance of a spring.

But still, if you didn’t have a great appreciation for the many ways springs are used in your daily life, you will when this short is over.



Note: A Case of Spring Fever was re-riffed by Rifftrax during their live show of Sharknado 2. Personally I stick with the MST version.

The Movie

Townsfolk begin to go missing and with the flesh stripped from their bones, and a city slicker tourist tries to investigate, which has the local law enforcement branding him a troublemaker, heeding very little interest in his claims. Eventually he and a group of local rednecks discover that a legion of worms have gone ballistic in the aftermath of a thunderstorm that sends electricity through the ground.

I remember one of my high school teachers said most of the time when somebody claims their bad movie is a satire, then they are just covering their ass because it turned out to be awful. Then they can just say “That’s what we were going for. That was the joke.”

I bring this up because director Jeff Lieberman claims that Squirm should never have been on MST because he intended it to be a parody and you can’t make fun of something that’s making fun of itself. I’d really hate to break it to Lieberman, but if this was his actual intention for the movie then it’s an even bigger failure than it is if you take it seriously. The movie isn’t funny. Tremors is funny. Starship Troopers is funny. There’s a humor in those satires that can be deciphered during watching them. Squirm doesn’t really seem to be doing anything all that humorous, except for a few lame tension breakers, and is just delivering a lame “nature of the week” creature feature that littered the 70s. If the intent was a parody, then he was mocking these films by imitating them.

Imitation isn’t funny. It’s lazy. You’re basically telling a joke without telling a punchline, and then laughing at yourself for doing it.

In minor defense of the film, it looks as if a good half-hour of it was left on the cutting room floor for the MST episode (they edited it so much they had time to add a short onto it). Any movie would suffer from that. I’m not entirely sure what the extra content would have added to the film (I haven’t seen it unriffed), but I can’t really picture much. The movie is coherent enough as seen in the episode, save a few things (the mother going bonkers at the end still perplexes me a bit, though).

While I know I’m not seeing everything here, I know from what I do see that I have little desire to see much more. It’s a goofy movie, but it kind of just tastes like stale cheese. There’s a lot of creepy crawlies, vile and unlikable characters, and uneven effects work. For the most part it just feels like just another killer nature movie that exists for the sake of existing, and worms were just picked randomly out of a hat (at least they weren’t stuck with anteaters ZING WITH THE OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK CALLBACK). The best thing I can say for Squirm is that it executes a few of its horror moments with competent atmosphere. But the rest doesn’t really do anything likable.

Movie Rating: 4/10

Special Note: Interesting thing I stumbled upon while looking up Squirm for this, Jeff Lieberman also directed a 1988 movie called Remote Control, which I haven’t seen, but reading the premise made me arch an eyebrow. Seems it’s about aliens who seek world domination by forcing the world to watch a bad movie from the 1950s. Sound familiar to anyone else?

Maybe Lieberman isn’t mad at the show for mocking Squirm. Maybe he’s mad because they stole his idea.

The Episode

“You gonna be da worm face!”

Squirm brings the series back to the tried and true southern atmosphere of Boggy Creek II, and while it’s not nearly as hillbilly as that film was, the small-town redneck vibe is laid on really thick in this movie. Mike and the ‘bots break out those southern accents again and it is once again pretty hilarious. They are also given ample wood for their fire by the less-than-studly male lead for the film (“See? It’s not true that I can’t get wood!”), which they humorously point out is just as wormy as the nightcrawlers that stalk him. There’s ample searching for the ever elusive “MR. BEARDSLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!” that the crew rides with to the very end in a fairly solid running gag. All of this is without even mentioning the short, which is a pretty great ending to the abbreviated shorts run on the Sci-Fi era (though I think Robot Rumpus tops all three). And it’s great that they finally featured this short on the show to give the Willy the Waffle segment in Viking Women and the Sea Serpent some context.

I feel the host segments of this episode are winners. The opening safety check is one of my all time favorite segments. We also get some really funny segments featuring Mikey, the Mike Sprite, Servo as a southern belle, and Mike trying charge his pet worms with electricity, only to create a tasty snack in the process. On the Mads’ end, Pearl is trying to throw a fair so she can conquer the world one fair at a time. It seems a bit lame in concept, but I like the execution. It’s spirited and fun. Plus the moment where Mike tries to present his pen to Pearl as his contribution to the fair just makes me laugh every single time.

Squirm is a solid rainy day episode that delivers. While it might not be as distinctive as the best of the series, there are plenty of laughs to be had. The movie, as lame as it is, doesn’t hurt and the gang is funny at all ends of the episode. No dry spots here.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Squirm was released on Shout Factory’s Volume XXXI, dubbed The Turkey Day Collection. Audio and video were great, and we got a brand new Turkey Day intro for the episode by Joel himself, who explains that Squirm is the only film of the series he saw in a theater (and he didn’t care for it). The intro also includes Trace and Josh reprising their roles as Crow and Tom Servo as they try to breed their pet worms into a race of super worms.

The disc also has an interview with star Don Scardino, who tells us stories about how fun the movie was to make and the love it or hate it southern atmosphere. The interview features some pretty gorgeous anamorphic widescreen footage of the movie, including stuff that was cut from the episode. Also included is a trailer.

A Case of Spring Fever was released separately as a bonus feature on The Killer Shrews disc on Rhino’s Volume 7. Also included on the disc were Century 21 Calling and the lost CD-ROM short Assignment: Venezuela.

Next Time: You better run!

[Torgo]

1008-Final Justice

The Movie

“You think you kin take me? Go ‘head on. ‘T’s yer move.”

Joe Don Baker is back and this time he’s portlier! Baker plays small town Sheriff Geronimo, who has caught the Italian mob boss Don Lamanna at the border. He is under strict orders to transfer his prisoner to Italy, but after a flight detour in Malta Lamanna escapes custody and disappears. Determined to find his man, Geronimo goes through the Maltese underground to bring justice to Lamanna.

Really uninteresting 80s action movie has very little going for it. Joe Don Baker is serviceable as (the quite hilariously named) Thomas Jefferson Geronimo, but for the most part acts as if he’s doing his best John Wayne impersonation. Baker is capable in the role, but a John Wayne he isn’t.

He’s not really given much of anything else to work with in the rest of the movie either. The manhunt story is fairly standard and unimaginative. It’s obvious the film has ambition to be a contemporary western in a foreign setting, but it doesn’t really go in any particular direction with the idea. Set pieces are invented for spaghetti western standoff shots, where Baker is just basically required to just pose for minutes at a time without any genuine tension. When final resolution is in place and the villain is given his comeuppance, there’s just little to no reason to really care other than the movie is over and we can leave.

I like a crappy 80s action movie as much as the next guy. I could even watch one starring Joe Don Baker, but it would have to be something more rollicking than this. Final Justice is low energy, lacking in storyline and plot, and just isn’t entertaining.

Movie Rating: 2/10

The Episode

The boys on the Satellite are salivating at the mouth over another Joe Don Baker movie being featured on the show, given the success of Mitchell (with is a genuinely great episode even had it not have been Joel’s final). Pretty much the minute they sit down for Final Justice they immediately go for the jokes that had been the funniest in Mitchell, and that’s taking aim at Joe Don Baker. They are really hard on him in this movie, which is kind of unfair since he’s one of the better aspects of this movie. The riffing of Final Justice feels like Mitchell residue. They rail on Joe Don Baker for being a porky slob, but even though he is a bit pudgier than he was in the previous film, their riffs are more in line with the Mitchell character than Sheriff Geronimo. The end credits in particular are nothing but a giant fat joke at his expense. The gang seems to realize they’re being borderline offensive with this portion and play it down with Mike being uneasy with the jokes being told, meanwhile giving the meanest riffs to the inhibitionless Crow and Tom Servo who spout them out with glee.

The only other real flaw that they take aim at is the censorship of the movie, which the TV version they have to work with is constantly dropping foul language, which results in the constant phrase of “You son of a _____!” The jokes they make here aren’t at the movie’s expense, which seems a bit odd because this aspect is out of the filmmakers’ control.

That said, I’d be lying if I said that Final Justice wasn’t funny. As harsh as they are here, it’s pretty solid off-the-leash shock humor. My only real complaint is that maybe they’re a bit too focused on Joe Don Baker and the TV censors that they let the rest of the production slip by them, which makes watching the movie in general a bit of a slum since so many aspects of it are uninspired. The sad truth to the matter is that it’s possible that Final Justice would be a weaker episode for it, however. It’s kind of a flaw in my criticism. We have an episode that’s perfectly funny as is but not really their most precision work, but had it been we might have had a forgettable episode instead.

Host segments are kind of low key. There’s a fairly good opening bit about the Yes song “Owner of a Lonely Heart” that Kevin delivers beautifully. The rest are just some random aspect of the movie that the crew goofs on to mixed results. On the Mads’ end, Pearl is enforcing more humor in the workplace. Unfortunately more humor in the workplace doesn’t translate to humor that the audience can laugh at.

The episode ends on a fairly brilliant note, where Mike recreates the end of Mitchell by claiming that after sitting through a bad Joe Don Baker movie means it’s his time to escape. It’s a wonderfully nostalgic moment for longtime fans, well-scripted, and hilarious. It ensures that Final Justice leaves a pleasant taste in your mouth.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Final Justice comes to us via Shout Factory in their Volume XIV set. Picture and audio are both sensational, and it comes with a handful of bonus features.

First up is an interview with the film’s writer/director/producer/co-star Greydon Clark (also director of Angels’ Revenge), who delves into what goes into making a crappy action movie. He talks the origins, in which the film originated by a Maltese company offering to co-produce a film and the filmmakers writing a movie around the setting. Clark enjoys the movie he made, and claims he has met several MSTies who have enjoyed it as well. I’m sorry that I can’t be one of them, but he seems like a nice guy so props to him.

The second bonus is footage from the television series Cheap Seats, which had Mike, Kevin, and Bill do guest audio riffing over their footage. For those who didn’t know, Cheap Seats was a show inspired by MST that aired on ESPN, which featured a group of comedians riffing on sports footage and in this particular episode they asked the MST alums to join them. I remember watching this episode as it aired, being the diehard MSTie I was at the time. While I thought the show was cute (I might have liked it better if I were a bigger sports fan), it was mostly Mike, Kevin, and Bill stealing the show. So I don’t think you’re missing much if all you have seen are these clips.

Next Time: It’s the…the…the…the…the…the…the…the…the…the…the…the…the…