Torgo's Review Thread 2.0

[Torgo]

702-The Brute Man (With Short: “The Chicken of Tomorrow”)

The Short

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? WE MUST HAVE AN ANSWER! Unfortunately this short doesn’t give us one, instead being a documentary about the chicken farming industry and its various branches, all the way to eggs and a delicious roasted dinner! Celebrate the chicken by eating one tonight, whether unborn or with its head lopped off!

Like most industrial shorts, The Chicken of Tomorrow is a dry affair with repetitive footage of equipment being ran back and forth. This one gets off easy because chickens are fun to look at. But unless you have an interest in the subject they’re teaching you, it will still be quite a bore.

The Movie

The Brute Man is technically a Universal Horror film, though several elements led to it being sold off to poverty row studio PRC after completion. The first was Universal’s change of management as it merged with International Pictures to become Universal International, which led to their patented horror output being drastically reduced until the sci-fi monster movie boom of the 1950’s led by Creature from the Black Lagoon (of which many were mocked in MST’s eighth season). Rondo Hatton’s unfortunate succumbing to his disfiguring disease also gave his exploitation relationship with the studio a bit of a black mark that they wished to distance themselves from.

So The Brute Man became Universal Horror’s red headed step child, which is unfortunate because it’s a pretty solid B-movie.

The Brute Man is actually Universal’s third Creeper movie. Hatton originated the character in the Sherlock Holmes feature The Pearl of Death and despite his demise in that film (like death has ever kept a movie monster down) he returned in House of Horrors. The Brute Man followed that, and is the weakest of the series, telling something of a Creeper origin story. Here we see the Creeper seeking revenge on a group of people he perceives as having resulted in his disfigurement, which lead him to be seen as a monster. So he decides to prove naysayers right by murdering these people. Along the way he falls in love with a blind woman because she can’t see his face (sort of a prototype for the Thomas Harris novel Red Dragon).

Yes, The Brute Man is exploitation. But as I watch Rondo Hatton in this film I really have to believe he was smart enough to know why he was on set, and was pretty much using the situation to provide a comfortable financial situation for himself and his family. This film may be tasteless on the surface, but for him it was a solid paycheck during a period that could have been rough on him. For that, I can’t completely chastise the film.

As a film itself, it’s a bit shaky. Acting is never strong, though the pacing is tight and is in constant motion. The movie was produced during the mid-40’s, which wasn’t exactly a strong point for Universal’s horror line-up. Movies were made fast and on the cheap and pumped out at an alarming rate, while the big dogs of Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolf Man had degraded into lackluster cross-franchise monster mashes with very little monster mashing. That said, there’s a certain charm to even the weakest horror films of Universal’s good old days, because lots of atmosphere and shadow are used. The script works well enough in giving the Creeper motive and make his victims tread the line between sympathetic and unlikable somewhat successfully (though why the Creeper goes after his female victim at the beginning is anybody’s guess, since she arguably didn’t do anything to him).

The Brute Man isn’t a horror classic, but it’s a decent movie on its own and it’s almost unjust the way it was swept under the run. I have a fondness for it, even if very few people do.

For more of Rondo being featured in Universal productions, he also played supporting roles in The Jungle Captive (a sequel to Captive Wild Woman) and The Spider Woman Strikes Back (which, like The Brute Man, is a quasi-sequel to a Sherlock Holmes film, The Spider Woman). His Creeper films are his best work at the studio however, in this B-movie fan’s opinion.

Movie Rating: 7/10

The Episode

I love old Universal monster flicks, and having one on MST is a dream come true. Though The Brute Man most certainly isn’t the worst, one can’t say it doesn’t work well in the MST format. Production values are probably the lowest Universal ever went, and the boys don’t hesitate to take advantage of its shortcomings, from acting to staging and blocking. There’s a lot for the boys to play around with in this sandbox, and they never let down.

As an appetizer (chicken for an appetizer?), The Chicken of Tomorrow is just as wondrous. Full of those wonderfully cuddly flightless birds, Mike and the bots have a blast at playing ventriloquist with them. They don’t slouch with the industrial side either, having fun with the almost lustful fawning over the technical aspects of chicken farming of the short. This short is just as classic as the main feature.

The host segments struggle to keep up as Pearl goes on a date and Tom Servo buys some real estate are the main highlights, and neither are brilliant, but mostly chuckle inducers. Other than that we get the silliness of Tom inside of a giant egg, the randomness of Mike’s phone call for help, and a meta sketch about Tom Dewey that never takes off.

Universal monster movies are something we don’t see much of on the series, and when they do appear it’s was usually just a 50’s clunker like The Mole People or The Thing That Couldn’t Die. The Brute Man is the earliest prodution they took to the mat, and I feel like they should have at least tried a few more. Stuff like Man-Made Monster or Captive Wild Women would have been fun. But The Brute Man alone is a fantastic episode with a solidly fun movie paired with great riffing, and the short aint no slouch either!

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

The Brute Man was released in Shout Factory’s Volume XXII set, featuring great audio and slightly spotty but mostly solid video. The special features open up with an introduction by Mary Jo Pehl, who seems to regret doing this movie. This is followed up by Trail of the Creeper, a mini-biography of Rondo Hatton that’s full of historians who are very apologetic about Hatton’s film career. Rounding up the disc is The Making of Mystery Science Theater 3000, a vintage documentary that aired on the Sci-Fi Channel about the series which is not as informative as Shout’s discs, but solid promotional material.

Next Time: They’re coming to get you, Barbara!

[Torgo]

604-Zombie Nightmare

The Movie

A boy witnesses his father’s murder then grows up to be a beefcake with a baseball bat. History repeats itself and he himself is murdered as well. His mother is unable to cope with the loss of her son, so she takes him to the local voodoo witch (because every town has one) to extract brutal revenge by reanimating his corpse to kill those who took away her family.

Think of it as I Know What You Did Last Summer, only somehow it’s even dumber. But this one at least stars Adam West as a corrupt cop, so that patented West annunciation is at hand. Former bodybuilder and music superstar (HAHAHAHAHA, that’s a good one) Jon Mikl Thor plays our titular zombie, at least he does when he’s human. In Zombie form, Thor wanders off set and a stunt man is regulated to the role. Tia Carrere is also here, in what may have been her non-True Lies career high point. Let’s face it, I’d rather be in a crappy 80s horror movie than General Hospital, Wayne’s World, and Jury Duty, but that’s just me.

Why waste an all-star cast like this? Zombie Nightmare makes the most of it, with cheapie locations in Canada, lackluster special effect, and barely audible dialogue. It goes for the gold in grindhouse mood and often flunks, with hilarious scenes featuring victim’s running away at top speed while the zombie stumbles in slow motion. Victim stupidity is at a high point as they just seem to stand around and wait for the zombie to catch up, with my personal favorite going to Tia Carrere’s bizarre escape plan (which the boys in the theater happily notice as well) of hiding behind a window and staring out of it.

Worse horror movies have been made, especially in the 80s. I can’t give Zombie Nightmare points for not sucking as hard as it could have, but at least the unintentional laughs are aplenty. Plus it has a zombie killing people with a baseball bat, how can you not love that?

Movie Rating: 3/10

The Episode

Crappy movies aren’t exclusive to any single decade, but the 80s might have done them better than any other decade. It’s a decade were cheap, trashy filmmaking wasn’t just easy money, but also an artform. The aesthetics mesh together into a glorious whole of low budget, bad hair, worse acting, tacky clothing, and, last but not least, heavy metal music. Zombie Nightmare certainly tries to be the pinnacle of this style, and even if it fails it may very well be the pinnacle of 80s crap featured on MST.

So of course I love this episode. It’s the perfect movie for the show, and at this point in the show’s sixth season they were more than ready for it. The movie is never painful to watch, which they seem thankful for, but it’s very much an easy target. Mike and the bots bat this sucker around like a kitten with a ball of yarn. Predictably they lay on the Batman jokes thick during scenes with Adam West (this episode also came out post-Tim Burton’s movies but pre-Joel Schumacher), and while there are a few too many spots where they simply say “I’m Batman,” for the most part they stay pretty funny.

But Zombie Nightmare is something of a case of editing the film for content but sacrificing its coherency. It seems as if several of the teenagers’ deaths were edited out of the movie, as the episode cuts to commercial with them alive and but dead as it returns from the break. It’s not hard to figure out what happened or why it was omitted (one entire scene seems to be omitted because it featured an attempted rape), but it seems unfair to the film to hack it up like that.

Host segments are brief, one-gag affairs during the movie. It features the first of a series of a season running gag where Servo finds ways of running over Crow with his car. Another has Servo and Crow in a hot tub (robots can get wet) and find themselves disgusted at the idea of sharing it with Mike (who has a spear and a fish for some reason). More substantial sketches include a failed skit based on Batman (worth the price of admission for Mike and Servo’s costume’s alone) and the voodoo segments in Deep 13.

This is one of those episodes I can put on any day, any mood, and just laugh myself silly. The combination of perfectly used movie and a wealth of great riffing make this one of the best of the series. This is one sexy episode.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

This hilarious episode was released as a part of Shout Factory’s Volume XV set. Video and audio were a dream, and as a bonus feature there were interviews with Zombie Nightmare stars Frank Dietz and John Mikl Thor. Dietz nerds out, because he’s obviously a huge fan of the show. Thor seems aware of the show, but uses his time to pimp out his latest projects instead of talk about the movie.

Next Time: We are now entering a nipple-free zone.

[Torgo]

1011-Horrors of Spider Island

The Movie

In the final black and white feature of the original series, we journey into the wonderful world of German sexploitation. Talent agent Gary Webster (lol, WEBster, get it?) takes a group of attractive dancing girls to Singapore, only to have their plane crash in the ocean. The survivors drift ashore on an island where they await rescue, only for Gary to be attacked by a large spider and be turned into a human spider-monster as well.

Did I mention navels, bras, midsections, and panties? Because that’s pretty important too.

Apparently the original cut of this film features far more nudity than is seen in this edited version. But since this is TV-PG to TV-14 maximum television, we get the version that is all tease and no strip. Even with that being the case, if you’re in the mood for black and white era beauties showing a bit of skin, this is the movie for you!

It’s hard to form an opinion on a film when it has no interest in forming any opinions in general. It’s like rating a porno for its filmmaking. The filmmaking isn’t why you’re there, and the reason you’re watching it makes you less inclined to judge it in any form. The movie’s mind is on one thing, and aspects such as “horror” are nothing more than an afterthought, which is kind of a shame because the roughness of the production and low lighting do allow for decent tension. Or at least it would if it weren’t for a hammering jazz score.

It is what it is, and if you went in knowing what it was you’ll get exactly what you want. If not, you shouldn’t have been there in the first place. That doesn’t make it a good movie, just a sure-footed one.

Movie Rating: 2/10

The Episode

Oh yeah! With this movie there’s one direction to go in with the riffing, and the word this week is “Nymphomaniacs!” Sex is all that’s on the movie’s mind, which means sex is what the riffers throw back at it. The women are the primary target of Mike and the bots, who put up every gender generalization they can think of, be it bimbos or frail weaklings. You may think this is un-PC of them to riff like this, but then you realize that it’s actually the movie that’s portraying women like this, and the boys are just running with it. Men are also on target too, often portrayed as easily distracted dweebs or greasy sleezebags (again, also an actual portrayal in the movie). They also emphasize the title quite often, “The HORRRORS of Spider Island!” Especially when there’s nothing horrifying going on, which is quite often.

The crew at Best Brains clearly enjoyed this particular movie, because they let it litter the host segments as well. They put their own spin on its daftness, which sees Mike play a talent agent scumbucket, getting caught in an obvious giant spider web, and turning into a giant (non-)spider creature himself, while he Tom and Crow crash the Satellite of Love to see if they become murmuring, sex-starved vixens. The only point the show doesn’t have the film on its mind is the opening, which features Crow having a column in the Boston Globe and Pearl moving Castle Forrester to the suburbs.

It’s a naughty experiment for those who are in the mood for a bit of blue humor, right down to the final image of Bobo and Observer cradling a bunch of condoms. This episode is not for children, or those who don’t dig the whole “sex sells” vibe the movie has pushed on the entire experiment. Those who stick with it will laugh long and hard.

Teehee. Long and hard.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Rhino webbed up Horrors of Spider Island in their Volume 11 collection. Picture was clean, with the exception of the tape hits featured on the print of the movie itself, but one can’t blame the transfer of the episode for that. Audio is quality, and the only special feature is a trailer for the movie.

Next Time: I’ll review it only if I can make out what the hell is going on.

[Torgo]

Ducked out for a few weeks due to commitments. With this weekend being Father's Day, doesn't look like I'll have one this week either.

My next review is Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders, so the wait will be worth it.

[Torgo]

After two weeks of commitments and another two weeks of illness, I can guarantee Merlin will be up this weekend. Maybe I'll even do more than one this week!

Let's get back in the swing!

[Torgo]

1003-Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders

The Movie

The late Ernest Borgnine (who may or may not have been the inspiration for the Borg character Seven of Nine on Star Trek: Voyager) plays a grandfather trying to entertain his grandson when the power goes out. He comes up with an old story he pitched to television about Merlin the Magician and his glaring incompetence. Merlin owns a contemporary shop full of stuff that will kill normal mortals, but he puts them on display and sells them anyway. Two tales are told; the first of an asshole newspaper critic who dislikes everything and can’t impregnate his wife fiddling around with Merlin’s magic book in an attempt to disprove Merlin’s magic. The second, a repackage of the director’s previous film The Devil’s Gift, has a toy monkey being stolen from the store and given to a little boy, unaware that it has chiming symbols…OF DEATH.

Oddball movie with somewhat ambiguous intentions offers very little. On one hand I somewhat suspect this could have been meant as a pitch for a Merlin television series, because the segmented movie does come off as a more whimsical take on Friday the 13th: The Series meets Tales from the Darkside. Though obviously the much more important intention is to re-edit The Devil’s Gift because it would save the funds for half a movie by using another movie barely anybody saw in the first place. Still, The Devil’s Gift segment sticks out like a sore thumb. The film stock is different, the styles are about a decade out of date, and, honestly, it just looks like it had a much higher budget. While I’m sure it wasn’t a good movie either, it mostly makes the rest of the movie look pretty rancid.

The tone is strange, going for something whimsical while combining it with cynical horror. However one does remember that a lot of fairy tales have somber events told in ways that make them DELIGHTFUL. I could give Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders points for being a commentary on that, but I fear that might be giving it too much credit. After all, this is a movie where the most evil things in the world are a critic and a toy monkey.

Movie Rating: 4/10

The Episode

Filmed as the third episode of the season, issues with the rights to the movie forced this episode to be pushed back until the end of the season. Which kind of makes this episode the “series finale” of the original MST if you think about it. Could be worse. We could have ended on It Lives by Night.

“Remember to believe in magic…or I’ll kill you.”

Pretty much right off the bat the movie’s conflicting tone works toward Mike and the bots’ advantage. Our boys aren’t afraid to go to dark places this time around, and given the film gives them nothing but magic in the name of greed, evil deeds, and dead pets galore, there’s no choice but to play it up. For those who wish to have their magic be sunshine and rainbows, stick with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Ernest Borgnine also comes under attack, pretty much just for being Ernest Borgnine. And an old and out of shape one at that. So much is made of at the expense of the gut, as well as a fart joke or two. But considering he’s really the only name actor of the piece, you can’t really blame them for zeroing in on him.

Host segments are largely movie related and most are pretty funny. Servo and Crow “reviewing” each other is pretty hilarious and a somewhat poignant commentary on the one-note negativity that criticism takes all too often. I also enjoy the Ernest Borgnine children’s book collection. The segment that stumbles the most is Servo turning Mike into a baby, which Mike plays dryly to spare himself obvious indignity, but that dryness is only moderately amusing. Down in Castle Forrester, Pearl’s evil experiment involves giving Servo absolute power on the Satellite of Love, which results in a brief but funny dictatorship.

If it weren’t for the movie rights baloney that almost made this a lost episode, Merlin might have just been another episode in the mostly just as good if not better first half of season ten. Knowing that we were somewhat close to not having the episode at all makes me a bit more thankful of it and helps me notice it a little more. It was always a good episode even if you were to take its history out of the equation.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Rhino Home Video released Merlin in their Volume 5 set, to somewhat horrid results. Audio was certainly distinct, but the black levels of the episode were so deepened that the theater seats almost disappear into the movie (and there is a video flaw or two on top of that as well). If you screw with the contrast a bit, the episode becomes more watchable, but here’s hoping for a reissue to take this episode’s place in the near future.

The one thing making the disc a keeper is a half-hour interview with Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy, which is probably the most in-depth history on the show feature that Rhino ever did. Mike and Kevin discuss their history with the show and explain what made it so special for them (bear in mind this was pre-Rifftrax). Kevin at one point makes the claim that he was amazed the fans “spent good money” on an ad to keep the show on the air. This was pre-Kickstarter, mind you. They also talk about the books they’ve written and tease a few “upcoming projects.” Mike mentions working on an animated film, but couldn’t go into details. Wonder what it was.

There is also an intro for the episode by Mike. He mostly talks about how creepy they found the movie.

Next Time: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Neil’s in my room again! He keeps playing with my toys and wearing my clothes!

[Torgo]

508-Operation Double 007

The Movie

Actors from the Bond series are aplenty, and at least it doesn’t suck as hard as Live and Let Die. Sean’s brother Neil Connery stars as the brother of an unnamed ( ::cough::ahem:: ) top secret agent. Dr. Connery is a hypnotist cosmetic surgeon (because why not?) who is hired to be a spy because obviously siblings are always exactly alike.

I’ve always been curious about Operation Double 007 AKA Operation Kid Brother AKA OK Connery AKA whatever you want to call it. At its heart it’s yet another Italian Bond movie wannabe, with better production values than most. But it seems the producers decided to go whole hog, thinking that if they were going to rip of James Bond they might as well push things to the limit. Someone sought out Sean Connery’s brother Neil to play the lead, despite Neil having never starred in a film before. Then they went to the trouble to cast actors heavily associated with the Bond franchise up to and including series staples Bernard Lee and Lois Maxwell. What made all of these people say yes is anybody’s guess, though it should be noted that Maxwell has more to do here than she ever did sitting behind that desk in her Bond movies, which probably made the film all the more appealing for her. There seems to be a desire to make a Bond movie even if they can’t officially call it a Bond movie.

But it isn’t. Bernard Lee isn’t M. Lois Maxwell isn’t Moneypenny. And Dr. Neil Connery isn’t the brother of James Bond. It seems to just be a movie made to advertise itself with these actors so closely associated with a large franchise, but deliver another ho-hum foreign cash-in flick that has little to do with the franchise it’s leeching off of. This movie shouldn’t exist but somehow it does.

I find it hard to have an opinion about Operation Double 007 because of this. But then again I find it hard to have an opinion on Bond movies in general. Most of them are the same, and Bond isn’t really an interesting character (outside of Skyfall, that is). Any elements the Bond films have are just excuses to film exotic scenery and women, while choreographing action sequences on a large scale. Operation Double 007 has exotic locations and women, but lacks larger-than-life action. What are we to do when a spy film is missing one of its two legs?

Movie Rating: 4/10

The Episode

There’s a certain smugness about this episode that’s almost infectious. The crew looks like they’ve gotten away with doing something naughty by pulling this forgotten Bond film leech out of obscurity and putting it on their show. This movie might not be from the Bond franchise, but it’s so oddly connected that our boys feel like it’s their big shot at riffing a legendary franchise.

One virtue of this episode in particular is that they don’t rely solely on Bond riffs. There are certainly a few, but they seem to be limiting themselves so they don’t get stale. Unfortunately with a movie this dry maybe to run on full force with something you’re holding back on might be exactly what it needs. There are funny moments, with the mockery of Neil’s lip-reading skills highlighting for me as well as a few of the movie’s odd attempts as sexiness (the movie on a woman’s bare back?), but mostly the episode seems to be coasting on “Hey, get THIS movie!” That might be amusing enough for people who are amused by the movie’s existence alone, but be forewarned the riffing doesn’t exactly rise above workmanlike.

Host segments are more consistent, with my favorite being Joel hammy impression of our Bond-lite villain. We also get a lovingly jokey career retrospective of Neil Connery (contrary to what this episode states, Neil starred in The Body Stealers after this movie, and while stayed non-career in the acting game accepted bit parts every now and then), as well as a simple but funny visit from Torgo. Invention exchange is fairly weak, which is mostly devoted to Frank’s weak “laugh at how unfunny this is” gag. Bobbin’ Buzzard is a cute enough concept though.

Operation Double 007 has its moments, though it never really takes off in the way it feels like it should. Perhaps I’m expecting too much of an episode with loose ties to film’s most iconic franchise, but what should be sensational feels far too “watch when nothing else is on.” The laughs are here for fans with patience though.

Episode Rating: Average

The DVD

Shout Factory released this episode in Volume XXV under the alternate title of Operation Kid Brother because they couldn’t gain the rights to advertise the Bond number 007. Purists breathe easy because the episode itself is unaltered, just the box, disc, and menu, and the audio and video are swell.

The only special feature is an introduction by Joel (who discusses it under the 007 title). He discusses the excitement of getting something (loosely) connected to the James Bond franchise and about his final year on the show.

Next time: BAD MOTHERS BAD MOTHERS BAD MOTHERS

[Torgo]

501-Warrior of the Lost World

The Movie

David Worth, director of such epics as Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Kickboxer and the blockbuster franchise film Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, brings us this long belated sequel to Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World. Only instead of dinosaurs, there’s a doughy guy on a talking motorcycle.

The movie is not about anything in particular. Typical post-apocalypse bull: The world is a waste and the people in power are evil because they’re “The Man.” Guy and his talking motorcycle are recruited by Star Trek: The Motion Picture babe Persis Khambatta (with a freshly grown head of hair, no less) to take down You Only Live Twice/Halloween/The Great Escape acting powerhouse Donald Pleasance (also with about as much hair as we’ll ever see him with).

Not a lot to be said about this production, which is filmed on the cheap and seemingly as fast as possible. Fight sequences and accompanying foley are especially amusing, as most punch effects sound as if they come straight out of a Three Stooges sound box. The whole film is dreary, and watching it paired with its synthesizer score is a sought after cure for insomnia, so if there really was much noteworthy about this movie I probably slept through that part. Mostly I just saw Mad Max with a fraction of the budget and an even smaller fraction of the skill.

Personally I was hoping Donald Pleasance and Persis Khambatta would get into a heated debate about who was sexier with a bald head. Persis is bangin’ both with hair and without, but personally I’m Team Donald.

Movie Rating: 4/10

The Episode

The fourth season ended on a high note, with a group of classic episodes coming out one after another and ending with the most infamous movie ever featured on the show. This fifth season premiere can’t top that, so it’s good they didn’t even try to “Out-Manos Manos.” Instead they just pull a daffy post-apocalypse sci-fi movie out of the abyss and just have a good time with it. Warrior of the Lost World isn’t painfully bad, though it is unmistakably a poor movie. It feels like a relief to not have the SOL crew wincing in horror and just play with a slightly familiar lead actor known as “The Paper Chase Guy,” moderately known lead actress Persis Khambatta, and dependable friend to both good cinema and bad Donald Pleasance. Fun is to be had with this episode, as the bots hero-worship the massive motorcycle crunching Megaweapon and also have fun with the absurd looking extras in the post-apocalypse climate. The best joke for the latter happens toward the end during an odd pan across the entire extras cast and Tom Servo tries to recognize them in an impressive list of celebrities gazing.

Host segments are mostly dry. I come away from this episode remembering the Invention Exchange more than anything. The Mads present “The Square Master,” an exorcise tool that is hilarious in how useless it is. Joel’s Bitter-Sweet Hearts are just as funny as well (“It’s blue!”). The “Warrior getting a license permit” is wittier than it is actually funny. Slot cars and apocalypse discussion mostly just bring smiles.

Warrior of the Lost World gives the game-changing fifth season of the series off to a cracking start. While it’s not enough to earn classic status, it’s an episode to watch often.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Warrior of the Lost World was brought to DVD via Shout Factory on Volume XVI. The episode had great audio and video presentation, as well as an interview with writer/director David Worth, who is not in denial of how poor his movie is. He seems like a good chap, telling stories about the rushed script and the people who only did the movie to get a month in Rome. Worth also proclaims an admiration for the show and says he loves the episode, which is fantastic. He also presents a slideshow of production photos.

Next Time: Pleeeeeeeeeeease be the killer snowman one and not the Michael Keaton one! Please-oh-please-oh-please!

[Torgo]

813-Jack Frost

The Movie

This colorful Russian fairy tale tells the story of the cute as a button Nastenka, who is put down and all but enslaved by her evil stepmother and stepsister (are there any other kind?). The arrogant and narcissistic Ivan tries to woo her, only to turn into a bear after pissing off a small mushroom man (no, I’m not making this up as I go along). Bear Ivan runs off to do good deeds in an attempt to change back, only to learn true selflessness in the process, while Nastenka is abandoned in the woods by her stepmother for being attractive. Nastenka takes refuge with Father Frost, but is turned to ice by his staff by accident. Now only true love’s kiss can break the spell.

Like most Russo-Finnish productions seen on the show, Jack Frost is daffy, gonzo, and loony. Maybe a bit more so. I think there could also be an argument that it is actually the best one of the bunch. The movie’s aspiration is to be a fun fairy tale, and it’s hard to debate that it genuinely succeeds at being one. Unlike oh say the works of Walt Disney’s animation studio, I can also honestly say that as far as filmed fairy tales go, Jack Frost doesn’t have any particular movie magic at its heart.

I’m not Russian, and I’m not familiar with the Morozko story that Jack Frost is based upon, so I can’t tell of its faithfulness. What I can say is that as aimless as the film seemingly is at times, I get the feeling that it’s very faithful. There’s not really a straightforward narrative to be found here. But if you’re a Russian family looking for a mythic fantasy film for your younglings, I imagine you can do a lot worse.

Movie Rating: 6/10

The Episode

Due to the family friendly nature of the movie, the fact that it’s not painful, and the unintentional hilarity of it, I would very much claim that Jack Frost might very well be one of the finest gateway episodes of the series for new viewers, especially with younger viewers. A child would be engaged by the colorful fantasy on display, and likely enjoy the cute little puppet show at the bottom of the screen. This is a very easy “safe” episode that I’m sure could play far more mainstream than the rest of the series.

For seasoned veteran fan who has seen ‘em all, it’s pretty good, but not great. The movie pretty much does most of the work, while Mike and the bots more or less just cast their sails and let the wind guide them. To their credit they often enhance the hilarity of the movie quite well, but I do have to wonder if maybe the movie is too entertaining by itself and even a lackluster commentary on it would get a pass. However I’m almost certain that a lackluster commentary on this particular movie is pretty much impossible, because there is so much to respond to. Mike and the bots get laughs to be sure, but my gut tells me that the movie gets just as many if not more.

If the host segments were up to scratch I’d probably deem this with classic status, unfortunately they’re the fatal flaw. The episode seems a bit intent on dating itself with mocking several people who were relevant at the time but have faded somewhat since then, such as Michael Flately and Yakov Smirnov. And those are actually the better SOL segments of the bunch. Other than that, we have Crow pretending to be a bear and Tom pretending to be Nastenka, to middling results. The interaction between Bobo and Observer without Pearl are probably the strongest moments of these portions, but even those never really rise above a few chuckles.

Jack Frost is a fan favorite, but I feel that the other Russo-Finnish episode edge it out. You can’t really go wrong when the crew tries to mock one of these things though, which makes Jack Frost a must-watch regardless of it being a bit lesser.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Jack Frost warmed things up on Shout Factory’s Volume XVIII release. Audio and video were aces, while the only special feature was an intro by Kevin gushing about how silly but enjoyable this movie was.

Next Time:

[Torgo]

821-Time Chasers

The Movie

Time travel. It’s that one sci-fi trope that sparks much creativity but rarely ever makes sense, even when the story is well told. To any avid follower of science fiction those words are bound to give a headache. Just mention them to a Star Trek fan and you’ll hear hours of bitching and moaning about the subject. Honestly, I love the story in the writer’s room of Next Generation which ends with one of the debaters slamming his fist on the table and screaming “Damnit! That’s not how time travel works!”

Back to the Future came out in 1985, was a huge hit, cue lackluster attempts to recreate it. While I’d rather not assume that was the intentions of the creative force behind Time Chasers, originally titled Tangents, but let’s face facts, it’s the most logical conclusion. Or at the very least I imagine the people who pushed to make it watched Back to the Future and became one of those people that slams their fist down and says “That’s not how time travel works!”

At the heart of Time Chasers is a pretty good idea. It features a man who created time travel finding the wondrous future turned to crap the minute he exposes the technology to the world, as endless tangents through history take their toll on the timeline until dystopia results. The unfortunate problem with this movie is that they don’t have proper funding to develop their script and execute their story. When a time travel movie’s pivotal moments involve a depiction of an ideal future involving spandex, spandex, and more spandex and a dark alternate future of an empty alleyway with a bit of littering, it’s hard to get fully invested in it.

If I were to give Time Chasers credit where credit is due, the movie has a whole lot of heart. It’s clear the people making this movie want it to be as good as it can possibly be under the circumstances, and they look like they’re having the time of their life doing it. It’s enough to push it into mediocre territory, but it rarely can be considered objectively good. Just try not to slam your fist down and scream “That’s not how time travel works!”

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

Recently Rifftrax revisited Time Chasers for one of their live shows, and while I felt they had a lot of good fortune with re-riffs of Manos, Santa Claus, and to a lesser extent Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, lightning unfortunately didn’t strike twice (ONE POINT TWENTY-ONE GIGAWATS?!?!) with this particular movie. This my first time watching this episode since seeing the live show and I find it particularly odd that they would revisit this particular movie. They’ve re-riffed other classic MST movies, but this one, one that Mike, Kevin, and Bill have all tackled before, seems like they did something far more special with. I don’t mean that as a knock to the other re-riffed episodes, which were good in their own right, but Time Chasers was molded into a unique MST episode, one that the movie influenced and feels like should be exclusively to it.

I might not feel that way if the movie inspired host segments didn’t exist, which features Crow going back in time to convince Mike to never take the temp job that sent him up into space during the Mitchell episode. Upon returning to the altered future Crow discovers he accidentally killed Mike and for an entire movie segment he and Servo are forced to riff the film with Mike’s replacement, his temperamental brother Eddie (also played by Mike). This plotline is far more creative than the series usually pumps out, and considering they’ve been struggling to maintain a “story arc” that has been mandated by the Sci-Fi Channel this entire season, they pretty much prove they can do a strong one if they’re motivated to do so. The problem with doing the season arc is that they really had no inspiration for it, so they wandered about wherever they felt like going. With this episode, the seed is planted by the movie, and they ride it to a glorious high.

That said, Eddie’s movie segment is a bit weak. Mike seems to be struggling to keep the laugh quota up while staying in character, while Servo and Crow spend too much time pandering to this character to really keep the work up on their own. The other three movie segments are strong, however, bringing solid steady laughs throughout the episode. One weak segment is a small price to pay for a whole episode experience. That’s what Time Chasers is to me, and unfortunately I would have been perfectly happy to leave this episode as its sole exorcise in the riffing world.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

Time Chasers was gifted upon us in Rhino’s Volume 5 collection, with swell picture and sound. The only special feature was an intro by Mike, who reflects on being contacted by the makers of this episode.

Next Time: And the legend continues…to be not heard of by anyone…

[Torgo]

1006-Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues…

The Movie

Legend tells of a mysterious incident that once happened. It seems at some point in the 70’s, someone had an encounter with something so heinous they never recovered. That person paid to see Return to Boggy Creek, a movie that appeared one day and was never heard from again. Supposedly the film starred Gilligan’s Island’s Dawn Wells and Diff’rent Strokes’ Dana Plato, but we can’t attest to that because nobody has ever dared to journey through the film again to make sure.

As such, Charles B. Pierce, director of the original Legend of Boggy Creek, felt no guilt when he claimed his own Boggy Creek II is the real sequel to his classic. And when I call Legend of Boggy Creek a “classic” I mean it in relation to the use of the term in comparison to how Pierce felt about it. Kind of like when you own a really old car that breaks down a lot, but you justify keeping it because “It’s a classic.”

I have to admit though that if the original Boggy Creek is truly a “classic,” I’d probably be the wrong person to ask. I’ve only seen bits and pieces of it, which made it feel like a string of the flashback sequences in this sequel only featuring worse acting. I’m not exactly pushing myself to watch the rest. I have no idea if Boggy Creek II will scratch the sequel itch any fan of the original might have, though it does feel like it shares some DNA with it, though at the same time trying to tell a more beginning to end narrative.

Boggy Creek II’s story is of a college professor (played by Pierce himself) taking a trio of students (one of which is played by Pierce’s son Chuck) out into the woods to seek evidence of the Fouke Monster (AKA a more specific legend of Bigfoot that’s ENTIRELY DIFFERENT even though they’re the same thing). They listen to random tales of the legend before finding themselves trapped in their own story of coming face to face with the creature. Is the beast real? Or is it just a hairy guy named Crenshaw?

Actors are largely just there to give looks of “uh-oh” and “wow!” Some of them give this small exorcise of acting everything they can and others botch it completely. While the low-pay non-actors don’t do the film much of any favors, the low budget actually works in the film’s favor, giving it a rougher, docudrama feel. The effects for the monster itself look fairly good, though most of that might be attributed to that it’s mostly seen at a distance or in the dark.

The movie is very casual, almost to a fault. The pacing grows slow, which features our heroes sitting around doing very little for long periods of time, and the admittedly admirable restraint of the creature itself fails to generate any sort of adrenaline to the picture. We are forced to look to the flashbacks for our intrigue for the first hour or so, small short stories about the creature that have more going on than our main storyline. But none of them really stand on their own two legs as very interesting. Occasionally there will be a laugh in the lapse in logic, such as a story that is told that ends with the main character never regaining consciousness and never being able to tell anyone what happened to him, leaving to viewer to wonder how Pierce’s professor character knows the story and it’s relation to the Boggy Creek beast at all. And the less said about the outhouse flashback the better.

Boggy Creek II is a painless watch, but is not a film that’s worth the time it takes to watch it. There is nothing that generates any real disdain to fault it as an awful movie though.

Movie Rating: 4/10

The Episode

The movie is southern fried and Mike and the bots seem to be enjoying their sumptuous smorgasbord of a feast. There are lots of hillbillies and rednecks around these parts, which gives the trio a natural direction to go in for their jokes. If one likes variety and sometimes a less obvious curve ball of a riff, Boggy Creek II isn’t the episode for you. To an extent it’s a “safe” episode, but luckily it’s a funny one. What it lacks in creativity it makes up by doing its one type of joke pretty well.

Host segments help get the juices flowing, with the flashback segment being my favorite. For the most part they keep to spoofing the movie, like Pearl making Bobo a “legend,” Crow playing Crenshaw, and Servo starting a whittling business. The only segments that don’t really reference the film in much of any way are the openings which play with Boy Scouts vs. Girl Scouts and Pearl trying to take over the world with the electricity from a potato. At any rate, I don’t really feel there is a bad one in the bunch.

Those who aren’t really feeling up to hearing much white trash and redneck riffs best skip Boggy Creek II for the time being. Wait until the mood strikes you just right and you’ll laugh your one-side-buttoned overalls off. It’s true that the episode doesn’t really soar due to its simplicity, but one can’t ignore the laughs that are there.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Boggy Creek II was released by Rhino Home Video on their Volume 5 set. Video and audio were terrific, while the only extra is an intro by Mike, who recalls the confusion of it being called “Part Two” while being the third film, and even gives props to the effectiveness of the monster (and Crenshaw).

Next Time: Torgo celebrates his fiftieth review by letting locusts roam free on a postcard.

[Torgo]

BONUS! For a while now I've considered typing up retrospective pieces for when I complete seasons or DVD sets. With my review of Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues... I have finished the respective episodes for the Volume 5 set. So, for those who wish to hear thoughts on whether this particular set is worth owning or not, whether it's worth paying outrageous Ebay prices for an out of print set, or whether it's worth waiting for Shout to re-release it presumably next year.

Heads up! Volume 5 retrospective is coming right now!

[Torgo]

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume 5

Buy here!

Features the following episodes:
Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues…
Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders
Time Chasers
The Touch of Satan

Release Date: March 9th, 2004

Rhino offers up its second all Sci-Fi era set, desperate to catch up with the few dozen Comedy Central episodes it had already released. The episodes in this set are fairly strong, with Time Chasers being far and away the best episode of the set. Boggy Creek II and Merlin aren’t slouches, bringing plenty of laughs to the table. The set has a minor stumble with Touch of Satan, which had strong moments but isn’t up to the level of the other three episodes.

Torgo’s Average Rating (scale of 1 to 4): 3

While the episodes themselves are the stars of the set, what is on the inside counts as well. Presentation of three of the four episodes are without blemishes. Merlin is the big offender with this set, where its contrast is completely botched. The screen grows pitch black in places, causing the viewer to strain to see what is going on. Eye strain can be eased by messing around with your picture controls, but this is an episode of Mystery Science Theater and that type of screwing around with your TV shouldn’t be necessary.

Supplements are stronger than your average Rhino set. Each episode features an intro by Mike Nelson, while Merlin sports a nifty interview with Mike and Kevin Murphy. The Touch of Satan also includes a trailer. For more details on these feel free to click the links to my individual episode reviews.

Rhino always shined with box art, with Volume 5 sporting an eye-catching cover which appears to be us entering a restricted site (possibly Area 51) that has a tank, a jeep, and an electric fence. Your eye however is mostly drawn to the giant, flashy spaceship that takes up the upper third of the cover.

Opening the set, we see a pic of the spaceship landed and a War of the Worlds type alien strangling Mike, Servo, and Crow with its tentacles, while other areas on the interior show characters from the movie being “beamed down” by other space ships. Disc art is simple, each featuring a dessert with a spaceship hovering above it.

Fun menus are abound. Boggy Creek II features the radar map from the movie, and small blips that are presumably the creature from the movie. Merlin has a stone corridor leading to Merlin’s face hiding behind smoke and vapor. Time Chasers showcases a ton of cheesy, retro computer graphics in the spirit of the film. Touch of Satan creates a somber mood with satanic symbols and fire. Also of note, like all Rhino discs of Mike episodes, whenever the theater seats are featured in the menus it’s always Joel in the seat and not Mike.

The episodes in this set are worth owning, and there’s one undisputed classic that’s a must-own. One thing to consider when looking into buying this set is the poor presentation of Merlin. Shout’s eventual re-release is sure to fix this issue up so it might be worth waiting on this set if you don’t already own it. However even if Merlin is fixed in the near future, consider what might be passed up on that eventual Shout set, as this set features some cute if brief intros by Mike and a half-hour interview of Mike and Kevin which might not be featured on a reissue. It’s true that a lot of ground in this interview is covered in later Shout Factory sets, but there are a few fun tidbits that are not.

[Torgo]

517-Beginning of the End

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

According to the Book of Exodus, the eighth plague set upon Egypt by God was of locusts. If God thought ahead, they would have been atomic and Godzilla sized! Luckily Bert I. Gordon is around to correct that wrong.

Obviously Them! was one of the most popular monster movies of the 1950’s. It was only a matter of time before the imitators sprung up. Beginning of the End most likely wouldn’t exist if Them! didn’t, one-upping giant ants with giant insects of biblical lore, and done much cheaper to boot. Beginning of the End stars Peter Graves as a scientist who has developed a radioactive super-vegetable garden that is invaded by normal bugs. As a result these locusts and grasshoppers grow to monster size and begin devouring entire cities.

The effects of Beginning of the End are done with actual insects, much like Gordon’s own Earth vs. the Spider was made with an actual arachnid. While the superimposed insects hold up much worse than the giant ant props of Them!, due to portions of the bugs becoming transparent at certain points. But these effects somehow make the film a bit more endearing that it might have been otherwise. The actual insects are fun to watch and are honestly kind of cute, which does hamper the fact that the movie is trying to sell them as downright terrifying, but oh well.

But on the downside is that during the “war” scenes we can clearly tell that some of these locusts are on fire and getting hurt. If you’re from PETA and desperately looking for a credit that assures that “No locusts were harmed during the making of this movie,” you won’t find it. LOCUSTS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

Beginning of the End isn’t Bert I. Gordon’s best feature on the series (that would be Amazing Colossal Man), nor is it the worst (arguably that’s Village of the Giants), but it’s arguably the most perfectly balanced one for the MST format. It’s not great, but not painful to watch. It’s cheesy in all the right ways and is a bit of an easy target. B-movie lovers will no doubt love this one.

Movie Rating: 6/10

The Episode

I make the argument that Beginning of the End is Bert I. Gordon’s most suitable movie for the series, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the show will hit a home run with it. The show has failed to score with movies just as suitable before. Luckily they see Beginning of the End for exactly what it is and they play along with it, upping the fun factor of the movie and delivering an episode that is just an all-around blast to watch. The locusts/grasshoppers of the piece are taken aim at and given plentiful riffs involving their silly-looking superimposed movements all the way to creating individual characters for them. All this and of course a reference to Jiminy Cricket. The self-seriousness of the actors is also taken aim at, because movies like this are always made more hilarious when the actors are stone-faced. They especially have fun with Peter Graves’ mute assistant, which leads to one of my favorite riffs of the entire series: “He’s signing ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!’”

Host segments are rocky, but mostly good. I love the opening with the wrong number phone call on the Hexfield, because I’ve actually had phone calls like that (I especially relate to trying to point out the wrong number and their insistence that it’s the correct one). The call to the Mads is fun too, as well as the post-card special effects demonstration. The remaining host segments involve trying to squeeze laughter out of the lame. The Peter Graves sketch does this well, while the Tom Servo stand up drowns. Invention exchange involves The Re-Comfy Bike and newly created playing cards, the latter of which is cute but really pushing it as an “invention.” You can certainly tell this regular segment was on its way out the door.

Beginning of the End is the apex of Bert I. Gordon’s tenure of films on the show. Wonderful riffing enhancing the flavor of delicious cheese, I daresay that it would have been perfect had the episode had better host segments. But those are small pimples on a radiant beauty.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

This episode was released individually by Rhino, with pretty good audio and slightly flawed video, but not appallingly so. The unriffed film is included as a bonus feature, which is pretty fun to watch on its own. Unfortunately the print is in really poor condition, far worse than the one seen on the series. Audio is coherent. Also included are advertisement clips from other Rhino released episodes and a preview for a Rhino CD collection of sci-fi themes and music called Brain in a Box.

Shout Factory also released the movie individually. There were no bonus features on this disc.

Next Time: You’re going to hear the word “panties” a lot in the next review, so you might as well get those giggles out now. Panties, panties, panties, panties…PANTIES, panties, panties…

[Torgo]

815-Agent for H.A.R.M.

The Movie

Secret agent Adam Chance goes on a modestly budgeted spy adventure to stop a scientist who has created a deadly bacteria that dissolves human flesh.

According to the special features on the DVD, Agent for H.A.R.M. was originally the pilot movie for a H.A.R.M. television series that was never picked up, purchased by Universal, and released in theaters. Technically since it has had theatrical distribution, Agent for H.A.R.M. is a “movie,” but it’s very nature is that of “made for television.” The riffers of Mystery Science Theater waste little time comparing H.A.R.M. to James Bond, but that’s an unfair comparison when you get down to the bone. It would be better to compare H.A.R.M to the likes of Mission: Impossible or The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (by which I mean original television shows, not Tom Cruise and Henry Cavill blockbusters). But then again, even by more modest expectations, Agent for H.A.R.M. fails to deliver much excitement. The primary problem is as a TV production the storyline is fairly “villain of the week” feeling, and it feels like it’s stretching itself thin at eighty-five minutes in length (like a lot of double length episodes).

That said, Agent for H.A.R.M. grows tedious at times, but is always easy on the eyes. The production looks solid enough, and when things slow down it isn’t beneath throwing a hourglass-shaped woman at the audience. Most notable is the gorgeous Barbara Bouchet, who spends the majority of the movie in a bikini showing off her midsection.

Agent for H.A.R.M. doesn’t turn the spy genre on its head, nor is it very good at its job, but in passing an afternoon I can only say it’s H.A.R.M.less. Forgive the predictable but deliciously tempting pun. With a movie like this you got to take what joys it can give you.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

Another of the rare occasion where an episode is more known for its host segments than the riffing, Agent for H.A.R.M. delivers a fairly delicious courtroom parody. In this episode Mike is put on trial for the destruction of Ape-dominated Earth (The Deadly Mantis), the Observers’ homeworld (The She-Creature), and the camping planet (Riding with Death). It has been a fairly fun run-on gag so far that has turned Mike into a “destroyer of worlds” that climaxes with these wonderful segments. My personal favorite is the first, as Mike is transported down to the planet and being the dunderhead he is accidentally picks Pearl for the prosecution and Bobo for the defense (though theoretically Bobo on the defense would be a conflict of interest, since Bobo was an inhabitant of the first world that Mike destroyed). I love the back and forth between Mike and the Judge during this scene, as the Judge accuses Mike of being “typical of his race” forcing Mike to assume that his trial will pass judgment on all of humanity, causing the judge to shoot back “quit blaming other people for your mistakes!” Like a lot of segments, the trial an tend to have ups and downs. The video defenses by Servo, Crow, and Gypsy are hilarious while the back and forth between Bobo and Observer about apple pie gets long, tedious, and doesn’t really go anywhere.

When it comes to the movie itself I find myself not expecting much going in. When you remember the host segments more than the riffing, that tends to tell you that the theater is probably a bit of a slog (The Unearthly, anyone?). Also working against it is that it’s sandwiched in between two of my favorite episodes of the season, Riding with Death and Prince of Space, so it’s an episode that’s easily gleamed over at a glance. That said, Agent for H.A.R.M. might take the viewer by surprise, as using a spy movie to bridge the host segments does not really whet my appetite (spy movies are far from my favorite genre for the show), but the riffing for this movie in particular tries to make a convincing argument for H.A.R.M. being the best spy episode of the series (probably challenged only by Danger!! Death Ray, but more on that when that episode comes up on rotation). Knowing they have a spy film to watch, the boys definitely have Bond on the brain, and when the film grows idle with inaction our riffers pipe up a bombastic Bond musical cue for it. While this run-on gag threatens to wear out its welcome, they take aim at other spy movie tropes, including our smarmy hero (“You lucky trunks. Get ready to wrap a beautiful package.”). And when the movie starts to get silly, Mike and the bots are eager to point it out. One of the biggest laughs of the episode happens early on when Mike expresses disbelief at a character casually mentioning a “Judo Range.”

And of course…SPAZ CHOP!

But I now have visual confirmation on both the host segments and the riffing and can deduce that both are winners. The latter might slip through the cracks in relation to the former, but when you break the episode down, it’s truly something spectacular. Agent for H.A.R.M. is a must-see.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

This episode was released in Shout Factory’s Volume XXXIII DVD set, with good audio and video. The sole special feature is an interview with the movie’s star Peter Mark Richman, called In H.A.R.M.’s Way. The interview briefly touches Richman’s other work, but is mostly devoted to Agent for H.A.R.M with some neat behind the scenes tidbits.

Next Time: Begin Transmition…