Torgo's Review Thread 2.0

[Torgo]

K00-The Green Slime

The Movie

It’s hard to really tell what’s going on in the movie from the brief clips that are shown (we only get to see it about a minute at a time). We see a lot of cheesy space ships and a few slime monsters, but the purpose of the pilot was to sell the concept of the show and not the plot of the movie, so making the executives at KTMA sit through a full bad movie probably would have been overkill. Hey, it worked.

The Green Slime, however, was released on DVD via Warner Archive, and the MSTie completist inside me urged to check it out. So yes, I can safely say…

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

Green Slime is an English language film co-produced by the Japanese company Toei. Mystery Science Theater fans know the studio best for Legend of Dinosaurs, Prince of Space, and Invasion of the Neptune Men. Tokusatsu fans know them best as the company behind Kamen Rider and Super Sentai/Power Rangers. Or if you’re like me, you adore them for all that crap. Imagine my joy when I saw English actors on colorful Japanese sets that are interiors to adorable models. If there was one movie that should have been up my alley, this was it.

Unfortunately, I found Green Slime to be a bit of a bore. The story tells of a group of military personnel on a space station that is invaded by monsters spawned from green ooze. Wooden acting makes most of the human scenes a slog, but being a Japanese production the rubber suits and models are the star of the show. And they are, but not entirely in a good way. The special effects are enjoyable, colorful and fun like all these Japanese genre pictures should be, but they’re not filmed very well. Very little effort is made to “hide the strings” both figuratively and literally, as models look like models, monsters look like rubber lumps, and space sequences lack any sort of effort to feel outside of a set. This latter point in particular takes a toll on the climax which sees a space station blowing up, yet debris is clearly falling downward. In the vacuum of space.

It’s kooky, goofy, and even a bit groovy (gotta love that theme song), but The Green Slime isn’t quite as entertaining as the best of its kin. I wish that weren’t the case though, because being an English language production with Japanese special effects makes it fairly unique in its genre.

Of note: This movie features a “Commander Riker” twenty years before Star Trek: The Next Generation (hell, the original Star Trek was just airing at the time). I thought that was neat.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

Joel Hodgson showed the pilot off at Archon 32 and some fans were lucky enough to tape it, making MSTies inches closer to obtaining the lost episodes of the series.

The “star” of the show usually is the riffing, but very little is said in the theater. Joel shoots out a trivia comment every now and then and even applauds the movie at the end. The idea at this point didn’t seem to be tearing the movie a new one, but a celebration of the B-movie, which is fine by me. That’s what I’ve always considered the show to be anyway. That said, Joel does get at least one good quip in, as “Speaking of a number two position…” as he leaves the theater is a genuine laugh. Now, I’m not sure how “complete” these segments are, as some fans have pointed out that there seems to be footage missing from the Archon cut. What I can deduce is that the full Green Slime movie most definitely was not shown in full, and it’s not entirely likely we missed many riffs in what was cut if anything.

There are six host segments that go through the rounds. Half of them show Joel talking to the “people of Earth,” trying to make them understand the concept. The problem with this is that the idea of the show doesn’t really come through. Joel is on a satellite with a bunch of robots watching an old movie. He never really explains why he’s in space or watching the movie, he just is. The final three segments tell a mini-arc about a space virus as Joel and the bots get sick. It seems to be an excuse to play with shaving cream, though. Interesting to note: Joel says the Satellite of Love is of his own design, Gypsy is a “he,” and Joel says there are around 25 robots on the ship. Also of note is Josh’s Servo-prototype Beeper, which he seems to admit that was influenced by the Star Wars robot R2-D2. He also admits that was a mistake, because it would be difficult to do comedy through a series of squeaks. I can’t help but wonder, as a slender, golden robot, was Crow influenced by C-3P0?

It’s difficult to judge this as an actual episode, because it’s not an episode. But I liked it. I would have liked more movie, but it wasn’t made for me. And so it begins…

Episode Rating: Good

Next Time: At long last another ninth season episode gets reviewed…and this one comes with a FREE COFFIN! WOOOOOOOO!

[Torgo]

912-The Screaming Skull (With Short: “Robot Rumpus”)

The Short

An early Gumby short, Robot Rumpus tells of Gumby shirking his chores and giving them to robots. Because, you know, kids have lots of robots to do this stuff. Instead of being annoyed that Gumby is being lazy, his parents are oddly charmed by these machines…until they start wrecking the yard (and turning against humanity, in this thrilling prequel to the Terminator and Matrix franchises).

Robot Rumpus is unique among Mystery Science Theater in that it’s the only thing they’ve ever riffed that was animated. That is not including the marionette lost episodes Invaders from the Deep and Revenge of the Mysterions from Mars. Like mostly anything Gumby, this short is charming, funny, and innocent. It might be a bit cruel to riff on something this simplistic and pleasing, but its simple nature and imagination also make it an easy target. One almost wishes Gumby became an MST mainstay, because the shorts are pleasing and are quite wild.

The Movie

The Screaming Skull is a rip-off, er, remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s Rebecca, tells the tale of a woman settling into a new life with her recently wed husband. After moving in she begins to hear screeching and a skull popping up all over the house, and she begins questioning her sanity.

You know you’re in trouble when you’re watching a horror movie that is boasting about how scary it is. When The Screaming Skull begins the film offers a “free coffin to any viewer that dies of fright.” Translation: Our movie isn’t scary at all and we’re trying to manipulate you into thinking it is. That said, The Screaming Skull does have the right frame of mind when it comes to filming atmosphere, but the movie’s attempt at building tension is overly slow and dull, and the actors never seem to quite have faith in the movie they’re making. The most committed performance comes from the movie’s director, who plays the mentally incapacitated groundskeeper who just kind of limps around and does nothing other than act like a red herring.

Things get insane for the climax, which is nothing but endless screeching and a prop skull rolling around. Nonstop noise terrifies you then this is the movie for you. By the time it ends I feel like I’ve gotten barely any resolution to barely any movie. The mystery aspect however is neat, and there are a few moody touches that I like, but Screaming Skull doesn’t offer a whole hell of a lot to keep me invested.

The one great thing I can say about Screaming Skull is that I’d rather watch it again than Robert Zemeckis’s What Lies Beneath, which is pretty much the exact same movie, only much longer and much more boring.

Movie Rating: 4/10

The Episode

Most seasoned MSTies will admit that when an episode revs up with a short that’s incredibly wacky and fun it’s hard to keep pace once we switch to the movie. The best we can hope for is for the episode to switch gears and keep up with whatever they have to follow. Screaming Skull is often lumped as an episode that has a short that outshines the feature, and while the short is spectacular that would be selling the film portion short. Their approach to this particular movie is absolutely marvelous, as they take it’s dreary tone and fend it off by upstaging it with their comedy. The Gumby short is child’s play, but with this movie they work to make it as funny as it is and the end result is impressive.

But as for the Robot Rumpus short, Gumby is so full of wacky images and stuff the series doesn’t see in the movies they watch. It gives them something new to play with, and of course it’s an instant classic. I’d just be arguing that the movie itself is a classic of a lesser tier.

The host segments can be a bit of an anchor dragging the episode down, however. The robot’s outrage on the Gumby short, while funny in concept, never really lands a big laugh. Crow’s imitation of the titular Skull causing Mike to go on a screaming rampage of horror goes on too long and Mike just doesn’t sell it with his obviously fake screaming. And the Mad segments involving costume practical jokes are just horrible.

Rebounding these host segments is some quality work by Kevin Murphy’s Tom Servo, who has a very amusing opening involving him turning into a butterfly (and a follow-up segment about him turning back is just as funny). But the highlight of the entire episode is the brilliant “Free Coffin” sketch, in which Servo tries to scam American International out of a coffin by claiming he died during the movie. Of course he gets sucked up in the technical details and the fun of the prank dies.

The Screaming Skull never really seems to get its due. This is a funny, funny, FUNNY episode from beginning to end, regardless of the short that started it. And it’s one that I’ve watched many times and plan to watch many more.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

The Screaming Skull continues its Free Coffin promise as a part of Shout Factory’s Turkey Day celebratory Volume XXXI. Video and audio are solid. Special features kick off with a custom made Turkey Day intro by Joel, Servo, and Crow.

Also included are two brief featurettes. The first is called Gumby & Clokey, which is an interview with Joe Clokey, son of Gumby creator Art Clokey. He gives a brief but detailed description of Gumby’s history, plus a few words on Robot Rumpus, which he claims was one of his dad’s favorites. And yes, he loves the Mystery Science Theater version. The second is a documentary on the film itself called This Film May Kill You, which for the most part is an apologists documentary defending the film against people who “don’t get it.” Narrator Tom Weaver even goes far enough to call people who don’t like it “idiots,” which I guess I’m one because I don’t feel the movie is that hot myself. The movie does share behind the scenes info, and has an interview with star Peggy Webber (who isn’t fond of the movie either).

Finally we have two worn down trailers for the film itself. One of which advertises it in a double feature with former MSTed movie Terror from the Year 5000. Did someone say MST double feature? I’d love to!

Next Time: An episode that's worth “A million bucks!”

[Torgo]

618-High School Big Shot (With Short: “Out of This World”)

The Short

Bread, an important food and a healthy food. This of course was filmed pre-Gluten-Free-mania.

Out of This World is an instructional short put forth to train vendors of bread and other baked goods of how to properly stock and sell their products while maintaining good relations with the stores you service. It just does so with an ill-conceived attempt at a “story.” It turns out that the war between Heaven and Hell only boils down to one thing: bread vendors. The collection of these particular souls shall populate the armies of the angels and demons when they wage war come Apocalypse. In the meantime, a deceptive little devil makes a bet with a sexy angel that one particular bread vendor is on his way to Hell due to poor salesmanship. The angel disagrees and visits our resident bread vendor as he goes about his daily business.

One thing that can be claimed about this short is that it does get its point across, and pushes some helpful tips to those who it’s instructing. However it’s bogged down by too much nonsense in its attempted “storyline.” The Angel and Devil characters slow the short down and make it feel like it’s been forever when it finally gets its point across. And the whole angelic and demonic thing itself is a bit overthinking how you’re presenting your subject. I’d argue that if they wanted to go for the “good vs. evil” motif, a much easier way to do it would have been by presenting the Angel and the Devil as the two sides of a conscience instead of an actual angel and devil. It would abbreviate exposition and get straight to the point.

Tom Servo pretty much nails the intent of the short with his final riff as he leaves the theater, mimicking a gruff head honcho laughing about how hot the lead actress was and then reiterating the points the short made. There’s pretty much no other way it could have played out in that room.

The Movie

Cheapie melodrama High School Big Shot tells the story of Marv, a high school student who is seduced into helping the school vixen Betty cheat. When caught, Marv loses his chance at getting into college and is forced to support his alcoholic father by taking a job at the docks. While working, Marv overhears a drug deal worth one million dollars, and enlists a safecracker to help him steal it in an attempt to help him fix his life and win over Betty. But Betty has better ideas, plotting to steal the money and run away with her real boyfriend.

The drama hits the viewer over the head with a sledgehammer while trudging through this bleak story about everyone in the world being an asshole. The story is a tried and true attempt to make Marv a human doormat that was dealt a bad batch of cards, but the truth is a lot of what goes wrong with his life were the result of his own decisions. That said, while the surface of Marv’s actions seem to be driven by stupidity, a case can be made that loneliness drives people to do less than smart things, especially when a member of the opposite sex is involved. I’d hesitate to say High School Big Shot is a successful portrayal of a such incident, but the motivation of the main character is less absurd than it seems on the surface. Let’s say that High School Big Shot’s successful to unsuccessful portrayal is about fifty-fifty.

Everything leads up to an ending that is clearly trying to make a statement about why good people do bad things. It’s more food for thought than your average MST movie, as it attempts to explain motivation behind that quiet man that suddenly breaks the law that one day. There’s likely a smarter and more handsome production out there that makes this point though.

Kudos goes to star Tom Pittman, who plays Marv about as well as possible and if the movie has any gas in the tank it’s because Pittman holds it on his shoulders. Unfortunately High School Big Shot was Pittman’s final role, having died in a car accident after the film’s completion. I can’t predict that stardom was in his future, but surely something better than this film would have been around the corner had he lived to see it.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

This episode opens up with a short that’s merely adequate. It’s not that Out of This World doesn’t give them openings, and it’s not that Mike and the bots don’t take the openings, but it seems like there is a gross overestimation of just how funny they can make this short. While the short itself is silly, it goes in circles and often displays scenes that are pretty much exactly the same over and over again. Perhaps it’s the Starfighters of shorts, only with more purpose. Riffing makes you smile, rarely rising to the occasion of an all-out laugh.

In a rarity for a Mystery Science Theater episode, the shift in gears for the feature film is a huge step up from the short. High School Big Shot has more than a little in common with fan favorite I Accuse My Parents, what with the teenage loser being caught up in a criminal ring storyline running through both. The riffing styles are similar, as we find Mike and the bots zero in on the Marv’s less successful qualities. The movie tries to gain the audience’s sympathy, which is something our riffers don’t have to offer. So of course, it’s “Ready, aim, fire!” Ultimately hampering the experience of this particular film is that, in comparison to I Accuse My Parents, High School Big Shot is a slower, cheaper, and far less ambitious (lol) picture, which tends to push audience interest to the wayside. Riffs do remain sharp despite this, with plenty of mileage on Marv’s alcoholic father and his hussy of a double-dealing “girlfriend-in-name-only.” When the movie turns dour, Mike and the bots defy it and keep things light and fun.

Host segments mostly serve to exist. I enjoyed the opening segments the most, which feature Mike with a headache and the bots with many loud instruments, Frank cloning a dinosaur, and Mike accidentally creating a giant Servo. The majority of the rest are directly inspired by the short and the film, and tend to be more silly than funny. There is a stiff presentation of specialty breads, Crow and Servo “safecracking” Gypsy’s diary, and a reenactment of the climactic shootout with water guns.

High School Big Shot may not always have the steam to be labeled one of the better episode of the series, but it peaks at some swell highs and there are just enough laughs to recommend it. A lukewarm short and unimpressive host segments tend to be its biggest speed bumps, and if you can make it past a sour movie there is a lot of laughs during the theater segments.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

High School Big Shot has yet to have been released on DVD. however Out of This World was featured on Rhino’s Shorts Volume 3 disc which was an online exclusive with purchase of the Essentials set through Rhino’s website. Unfortunately I do not own this disc.

Next Time: “Why don’t they look, Ralph? Tell me, why don’t they look?”

[Torgo]

520-Radar Secret Service (With Short: “Last Clear Chance”)

The Short

This traffic safety short was filmed in Meridian, Idaho, not too far from where I currently live. In fact, I drive by many of its shooting locations just about every day. And yes, I do look both ways before crossing the Railroad, in loving memory of young Frank Dixon.

Fairly persistent and undeniably effective in getting its point across, Last Clear Chance tells the story of a police officer stopping by a local farm to give newly-licensed Alan Dixon some helpful tips about driving, and how important it is to pay attention to the road. In a hackneyed bit of irony, Alan’s brother Frank is killed in an accident for that very reason at the end of the short.

Undoubtedly shown to people trying to acquire (or re-acquire, just as likely) their driver’s license, this particular short is one of those important “Or ELSE” shorts that isn’t afraid to show the consequences of one’s actions. They’re fairly important to their own cause, though Last Clear Chance probably isn’t one of the better ones. The story hinges on the idea that despite going through driver’s education and having already been approved for a driver’s license, Alan Dixon listens with rapt attention to stories about street signs and traffic as if he has never heard of them before, even though he should have learned all of this while working to get a driver’s license.

The finale which hammers home its point drains all brain matter from our characters and has them doing the strangest and moronic behavior possible in order to make death inevitable. We’re supposed to go “Oh my god, that could be me!” but in reality our reaction is more in tune with us shrugging our shoulders and saying “Well, they were going to die soon enough anyway.” And instead of feeling any sort of sympathy, I find comfort in the fact that Frank Dixon won’t breed his stupidity to future generations.

The Movie

Monotonous spy caper has a group of radar-lovin’ G-Men hunting down a mob and enlisting the boss’s girlfriend as a mole. But forget putting one’s self in harm’s way to bring down the bad guys, the real hero of the story is RADAR!

It’s hard to say much about this movie because it’s barely a movie at all. Padded exponentially with establishing shots and laughable boasting about the wonders of the title-technology, Radar Secret Service feels like a 25-minute pilot movie for a TV series that has been expanded to feature length. Characterization is non-existent, story is cookie-cutter, and excitement is a rarity. There’s honestly more meat on the short than there is on this movie.

What amusement factor that is held is at the expense of the movie. Every once in a while an unintentional laugh is to be had. The maid who discovers a corpse is a delightful highlight, and one of the funniest moments in movie history.

Movie Rating: 3/10

The Episode

One of my fondest MST memories was during high school where I had an art teacher who was very much an admirer of the series, and every once in a while we would watch episodes during lunch. I brought in Shorts Volume 2 one day and we laughed like crazy during Last Clear Chance. Finally as the short was ending he took a sip of coffee and suddenly Tom Servo started singing “They’re dead, they’re dead, they’re diddly-eye-de-dead, diddle-de-de-dead” to the pleasant music that closed the short and he spit his coffee out all over his desk laughing. I had never seen someone do a spit take laugh before that day, and every time I watch this short the memory of it just makes it even sweeter.

As such the short is my pick for greatest short of the series. The short is full of on-point quips that finish off the narration with just the perfect jab, with glorious observations on traffic portrayal, and definitely a more twisted spin on the darkest aspects of the short. It’s little wonder that the movie portion doesn’t keep pace with the opening short, because very few episodes do.

That said, Radar Secret Service is an odd pairing with Last Clear Chance. The film is so slow and it doesn’t really push the riffers to deliver such snap they had been pushing during the first half hour. What energy they do bring to it is probably due to the energy they’ve already been injected with due to the short subject though, and without it this movie might have killed them. Despite host segment statements to the contrary, Mike and the bots are in a pretty good mood for this movie. They take aim at the easiest of targets: the monotony of the film and the flattery of radar. Hell, when the film starts to drag they just break out a “RADAR!” riff to crack up the room. They also take aim at 50’s styles, especially mocking vintage motor vehicles. One of my favorite riffs of the episode compares a car to Moby Dick.

This episode marks the end of an era, as it’s the first episode since KTMA that doesn’t feature an Invention Exchange. The segment had always seemed to be on the way out since Mike took over, so this is nothing of a surprise. In its place, the Mads introduce the concept of Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis, which is presented as the latest version of “Rock Climbing” and “Deep Hurting.” Mike and the bots spend a bit of the remainder of the episode fighting the concept off with a goofy, faux high school reunion and an odd segment about a Quinn Martin Nature Preserve. They finally fight it off with Ecstato-Euphoro-Fun. But the highlights of these segments have nothing to do with Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis, with top prize going to the opening where Mike does his best to repair Crow to disastrous results (I do love these “Mike is not Joel” sketches that they came up with post-Joel). Not far behind it is the Last Clear Chance parody.

The appetizer is better than the main course this week, but that doesn’t mean the main course isn’t worth the time it takes to digest it. Radar Secret Service is a slow movie given just the right oomph from the riffing to make it watchable. Which is good, because this movie could have easily been a bigger car wreck than anything featured in the short.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Radar Secret Service was released by Shout Factory as a part of their Volume XXXII collection, with wonderful audio and video. Included is an introduction by Frank Conniff, who reflects on Robert Lippert films in general, the spy genre, and an amusing story about acquiring the rights to this film. Also included is a feature called MST-UK, which chronicles Frank and Trace Beaulieu being flown to England by British fans of the series.

Many years before Shout released the entire episode, the short Last Clear Chance brought us to hysterics as a part of Shorts Volume 2, which was featured in Rhino’s Volume 3 collection. There were no extras. This set was later re-released by Shout Factory, also without extras.

Next Time: Two Commando Codies? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Torgo]

Minor note: This thread is coming up on its one year anniversary, and I thought I'd do something special. I always regretted starting it after Thanksgiving, but there was so much going on with the Kickstarter and everything that it just didn't seem like the time to do it. So this year, I'm hoping to prep up five reviews and post them all on Thanksgiving Day as my own little Turkey Day Marathon. Hopefully I'll get to type up my own little bumpers for it as well, of which I already have an idea for. It's not me trying to replace Shout Factory's marathon, just me having fun with my own space. This has been going for a year, and despite a few silent patches, I'm still looking to rack up about sixty reviews!

I got one more review on the pipeline before I postpone my Turkey Day work, mostly because the episode that was up after it seemed like the perfect way to kick off the marathon (and the episode that came up five episodes later seemed like the perfect way to end it). Both this week and the next will only have one episode each, and if all goes well, the week after we'll be ready to feast on some succulent turkey!

[Torgo]

Time for the bad news: My Turkey Day plans didn't exactly go off without a hitch. The charger to my laptop went out and I had to conserve energy until a new one was shipped. That means my my intended reviews weren't ready in time, nor did I have anything for the bumpers I had planned. I had hoped I could finish up when my new charger arrived, but I just don't have the time.

The good news is that I had three of them done,and I pushed my prepared review from last week to this week to help make up the difference. So I'll have four reviews tomorrow. And hey, it's better then nothing.

At any rate, HAPPY TURKEY DAY EVERYONE!

[Torgo]

109-Project Moon Base (With Shorts: “Radar Men from the Moon: Chapter Seven – Camouflaged Destruction” and “Radar Men from the Moon: Chapter Eight – The Enemy Planet”)

The Shorts

As if the double trouble from Robot Monster wasn’t enough, here is another Commando Cody double feature to assault us!

When we last left Commando Cody he was flung off of a cliff! Talk about an actual CLIFFHANGER! Stupid us forgot he has a rocket pack, which he just turns on and flies to safety! He soon discovers the bad guys have a new ray gun and goes in pursuit with his pilot Ted. But the bad guys shoot down their plane with said ray gun.

TO BE CONTINUED…RIGHT NOW!

Commando Cody and Ted eject in the nick of time. In the aftermath Cody returns to the moon and disguises himself as one of the Radar Men guards, and drives off in one of their lunarmobiles.

Two Cody shorts, and mostly they kind of blend in together. At least the second has some outer space action in it to set them apart, but that’s about all I can do to set them apart. There’s not much that’s stimulating in watching two of these in a row. I’m just kind of numb right now.

The Movie

Intended to be the pilot for a TV series called Ring Around the Moon (and beefed up to feature length when they dropped the idea and released to theaters), Project Moon Base is the story of Major Moore and Colonel Briteis (read: Bright Eyes) unknowingly lugging around a saboteur along with them during their moon expedition. Bearing more than a few similarities to Lost in Space, only done much cheesier (I didn’t even know such a thing was possible).

Usually when I hear Project Moon Base mentioned in casual conversation (which isn’t very often, if at all), the word “sexist” is used to describe it. It’s understandable, given the attitude toward women male characters seem to have in this film (I just about died laughing when Colonel Briteis was threatened with a spanking by a superior officer), one thing worth noting is that it’s something of a “progressive” sexism if nothing else. Here we have a depiction of the future projected from 1953 that featured a woman in a position of authority holding equal rank with male officers, long before Lieutenant Uhura broke down female and African American barriers on Star Trek over a decade later. Hell, the film even depicts a female President of the United States (I type this right after the 2016 election, where Hillary Clinton actually failed to become the first female President). The film’s Wikipedia article boasts that this is the first depiction of a female President on film and while I don’t know how true that is, knowing this movie the Vice President is probably slapping her on the ass and saying “Good work, toots.”

The film’s story was written (and reportedly disowned) by Robert Heinlein, author of Stranger in a Strange Land and Starship Troopers. Project Moon Base is probably most notable for this aspect alone, though even with it if it weren’t for Mystery Science Theater I doubt many people would know about it at all. It’s one of those films with a ludicrous depiction of space travel made back when there was little to no science to really refer to. Space uniforms look goofy, consisting of a shower cap, tight t-shirt, and short-shorts. While this aspect elicits laughter by itself, the special effects are really the icing on the cake, which are about as fakey and goofy looking as we’ve ever seen on MST (and that includes anything featured in the host segments).

Project Moon Base mostly charms with spunk, spirit, and how cute our lead actress looks in those degrading shorts (all the better to spank her in). It’s slow on the accelerator, and even when it gets going nothing happens, but it’s an adorable outlook on a future passed. One thing’s for sure, if you’re looking for a movie with a slow-motion space acceleration sequence that makes Star Trek: The Motion Picture’s wormhole sequence look downright artful by comparison, this is it.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

We start off this experiment by anticipating the monotonous with two Commando Cody chapters, as if one wasn’t hard enough. I don’t really know how they managed to riff more than one per episode not once but twice on MST. In season one no less. They deserve some form of applause for that alone. These shorts are a bit funnier than usual, due to the cast’s increased confidence in the format, but that doesn’t stop them from slipping into familiar riffs along the way. The second short is the better of the two, with the moon setting giving them more material to work with. We have a fun and creative “Theme Song” they sing during the opening credits, and the climax is a gas, with the cliffhanger showcasing someone’s oxygen tank getting hit only to have Joel make the claim that the helium valve was released instead! Servo exits the theater with high-pitched screams of “Help me!” that had me giggling quite a bit.

The movie portion mostly runs with exactly what’s happening on screen. The talky scenes tend to drag, but once the silly special effects come into play the theater lights up. In fact, this episode features some of the most rapid fire quips of the first season, making this funny movie even funnier. The episode isn’t perfect, hitting a good many early day snags along the way, but you’ll be laughing more than once during this pleasure of an episode.

Host segments are mostly highlighted by the Spacom segment, inspired by the odd name the agency of the film has. The crew puts on a funny infomercial with a product of the same name, which looks like Gak and gives off an unhealthy glow effect. “And boy can it catch fish!” Other than that, Servo pretends to be Commando Cody and the crew model neckties. The Invention Exchange has a neat trick with Joel juggling water, though the Insect-a-Sketch falls a bit flat.

Poopie!: The Insect-a-Sketch claims to have been erased and have featured a new drawing on it, but Dr. Erhardt’s name is still clearly on it at the end of the sketch.
Poopie!: Joel seems to re-enter the theater at the end of the film to pick something up.

None of the episodes in this season are really worthy of me bestowing “classic” status on, but I heavily considered this one. In the end the dry moments kind of bog down the rating, though the laugh ratio is certainly high enough to make it the best of its respective season. It might even be the best episode featuring Josh Weinstein, though I’d have to review further KTMA episodes to make that claim. In the meantime this episode is a keeper.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Shout Factory released Project Moon Base in Volume XX with the standard solid video and audio presentation.

Two features kick off with Exploring the Look of MST3K with Director of Photography Jeff Stonehouse. If it didn’t take you too long to read that title, go ahead and watch it. Interestingly, you don’t think much about the camera work in such a small scale show like this, but Stonehouse’s words will help you appreciate it more. The only downside is that since he was the DP during the Mike era of the series, so pairing him up with a Joel episode (let alone one from the first season) seems odd. But then again, all the episodes on Volume XX were Joel episodes, so there really wasn’t a “better” place to put him. The second featurette is a trailer for the film that brings us up…UP…to a new world of adventure!

The Commando Cody shorts were shown as a part of a Commando Cody compilation featured as an online exclusive with Shout Factory’s Volume XXV release. An intro by Josh Weinstein was included.

Next Time: Our Turkey Day Marathon continues…at the end… And I don’t mean the Pumpkin Pie.

[Torgo]

1013-Diabolik

The Movie

About a decade before Superman showed the world that a comic book hero could be brought to the screen and not look silly, Italy did their own adaptation of their local pulp character. Diabolik is the world’s greatest thief, and with his girlfriend Eva at his side they steal anything and everything. But his way of life soon becomes threatened when mob boss Valmont teams up with the police to take him down.

Directed by cult Italian director Mario Bava, and starring Space Mutiny’s John Phillip Law and Operation Double 007’s Adolfo Celi, Diabolik is flashy 60’s pulp, not too different stylistically from a Bond film. For those who like groovy 60’s kitsch, with arrogant main characters who do no wrong, and in which every woman is portrayed as a sex object of some sort, then Diabolik is sure to please. It’s escapist fantasy about being able to have and take whatever you want, and nobody can stop you.

Unfortunately for me I can’t get behind this movie. The movie walks a tricky line in trying to make its protagonist an antagonist. An anti-hero is one thing, but Diabolik is an unlikable douche. Any character like this needs to have a reason for the audience to root for him, and Diabolik gives us nothing. He does whatever he wants because he can, and thumbs his nose on everyone in his way. If one has some sort of resentment toward authority, then maybe this is fun, but for me it’s pretty excruciating.

The film gets some points for being well made, and it has a bit of sex appeal as well. And after the turn-of-the-century superhero boom in cinema it’s more ludicrous elements age fairly well. But this movie is an acquired taste.

Movie Rating: 4/10

The Episode

It has all led to this. Ten (well, eleven) seasons, one movie, and 197 episodes. The epic series finale (at least for the time) of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Storylines will draw to a close. (What story?) Questions will be answered. (What about Scarecrow’s brain?!) Which character will die? (hint: nobody)

I’ve read a lot of complaints about the use of this particular movie for this episode, claiming it wasn’t “suitable” for a final episode. I fail to see how. It’s a movie and it sucks. That’s about all they look for. Plus it’s not like they looked far and wide to find the “perfect” final movie, that would be `overthinking it. It’s more likely Diabolik came up on rotation and they were able to get the rights to end. The end. And when you get down to it, the film looks great on the show. It’s colorful, full of action, mind-numbingly stupid, and leaves a lot of openings for Mike and the bots. And they fill those openings with gusto. The movie is playful, and they play back, and it’s a fairly fun merry-go-round they create out of it. They don’t seem too daunted by this movie, and seem to even like it to an extent. This almost improves the quality of their riffs because there’s some sort of mutual waltz going on between the film and the riffers. They especially get a lot of mileage out of Diabolik’s costume, which they seem to get a kick out of.

As for the host segments, for a series finale these were about the best we could have hoped for. In Pearl’s screwing with the Satellite of Love she accidentally starts re-entry protocol, sending the Satellite and its crew back to Earth. Mike, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy spend most of the episode preparing for their long awaited return, as Servo destroys his clones from The Human Duplicators and sing one of the best songs of the entire series, “To Earth.” The episode ends on quite possibly the best possible note, as Mike, Servo, and Crow sit down in their shared apartment to watch The Crawling Eye on television.

MST ending is enough to get any of us “Deep Deep Down,” and of course it’s easy to go into a series finale with elevated expectations. Diabolik isn’t MST’s best effort, though had the exact same movie segments aired earlier in the season it likely would have been labeled one of the high points of the season. It’s almost a bit sad that this solid episode became bittersweet by gaining the notoriety of airing last. But as far as series finales go I’d say this is a definite step-up from Laserblast, both in terms of the riffing and the host segments. Diabolik is a kick of an episode, and a damn fine end to the original series.

Episode Rating: Good

Next Time: I sing whenever I sing whenever I sing whenever I sing!

[Torgo]

402-The Giant Gila Monster

The Movie

Probably the “best” film of Ray Kellogg’s brief directorial career (which also includes double feature compadré Killer Shrews), this week’s film features titular Giant Gila Monster terrorizing a small desert town and eating teenagers who like to “sing whenever I sing whenever I sing whenever I sing…”

Slow as molasses, but features spirited monster mayhem, Giant Gila Monster can be both frustrating and fun at the same time. One’s opinion of the film might very well be related to whether or not the movie’s shortcomings are annoying or not. Let’s face facts, the film’s characters are as generic as they come, with the teenage dreamboat hero, who is humble AND CAN SING (Swoon!), local sheriff who strives to understand strange goings on, town drunks that nobody believes, and victim teenagers, in pre-Friday the 13th era innocence. These characters do very little to stimulate the viewer and the thing that kills the film is that we spend far too much time with them without actually giving a crap about them. It’s not that the movie doesn’t try, in fact in some cases it tries too hard (leg-braced sister anyone?), but there’s no actual substance to the clichés to latch on to.

But when the Gila monster is onscreen, the film flairs up some good old fashioned forced-perspective monster action. Gila looks pretty damn good, being an actual Gila monster wandering around model sets. Budget limitations are often obvious, because Gila has less screentime than Godzilla had in Gareth Edwards’ 2014 flick! But when he finally does arrive, the movie goes from bore to a hoot.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

In lesser hands Giant Gila Monster might have wound up a boring episode, though Joel and the bots are certainly not lesser comedians. A monster movie that feels as dry as the desert it’s set in can be a daunting task to make exciting, but they take the film’s lesser moments and make them worthy of a viewer’s attention. The drab and uninteresting characters are given some much needed personalities by our riffing crew making our time with them far more enjoyable. When the Gila monster shows up, the icing is on the cake, because our boys do love to dub our monsters inner thoughts in at their leisure, to pleasing results.

Host segments are mostly small chuckles at best, with the drunk retrospective being the most creative (though I laughed hard at the “Leg Up” montage also). There’s not one but TWO sketches this week that start strong and dwindle into “the other guys are ruining it for me!” gags, which isn’t even my favorite type of sketch to begin with. On the other hand, we have Servo and Crow sharing a body and a mildly amusing Invention Exchange, with a cute Sitcom Radio and enjoyable Renaissance Festival Punching Bags. The climactic letter read brings us the infamous letter that referred to Crow as “Art,” mistakenly referred to as such thanks to a segment in Rocket Attack USA.

Giant Gila Monster isn’t a riot, but it mostly rides a steady high and keeps one’s attention. I forget that I enjoy the episode in the moment quite often, so it does take me by surprise when I do watch it.

And the lord said “Laugh, MSTies laugh.”

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

This episode was released as a replacement for Godzilla vs. Megalon in Rhino’s reissued Volume 10.2 set (for a brief amount of time, it was available individually through Rhino for those who already purchased Volume 10). Picture and audio is sharp (with a slight digital hiccup in an early host segment), but the star of the show is the first bonus feature, which reunites Joel, Trace, and Frank as their popular MST characters as an apology video. The shots are filmed against blank screens with backgrounds added in, but it’s a good love letter for the fans. The one downside is that neither Josh nor Kevin voice Servo, so for Servo’s brief lines in the skit Frank performs him. Unfortunately, it’s off-putting. But the skit is funny, and the idea of the “upgrade” by throwing away a perfectly good disc you paid good money for is amusing. Plus Frank’s line “Toho said ‘noho’ and I thought they meant ‘yes.’” is an instant classic.

There’s also an interview with Don Sullivan, star of the movie. He talks about his brief career in Hollywood, as well as the much ridiculed songs in the movie (though never mentions “I Sing Whenever I Sing Whenever I Sing”). He shares some positive feelings about the show, which is always good to hear (in fact he claims Gila Monster is his favorite of his films because it was on the show!). There are two bonus songs included by him as well.

The final feature is a photo gallery which has been imported from the Godzilla vs. Megalon disc. Exact same photos, nothing new here.

Next Time: MORE Don Sullivan, featuring the REAL Beatniks!

[Torgo]

419-The Rebel Set (With Short: “Johnny at the Fair”)

The Short

This short subject is mostly just a package showing off the wonders of the fair, with a few celebrity cameos as well. It’s showcased through the eyes of a little boy who has wandered away from his parents, bounces from stranger to stranger, while nobody really questions why this little brat is unattended.

I’m kind of a small-time short subject buff, someone who likes watching these little appetizers that used to play before the main feature. Stuff like Johnny at the Fair ranks among my more disliked short genre, as they’re just hapless filming of things that really aren’t that special that are only heightened by pointless celebrity cameos. The attempt at a storyline is a bit inane, showing inept parents not paying attention to their child and the little whippersnapper just kind of wandering around aimlessly. It’s not that interesting.

The Movie

A few episodes prior in the fourth season we had a movie called The Beatniks that had no actual beatniks. It could have easily swapped titles with this episode and nobody would have been the wiser. Not that The Rebel Set has a lot to do with beatniks itself, but at least it has a handful.

Mostly the movie is about a coffeehouse owner rounding up a group of knuckleheads to help him with a heist, though most MSTies won’t notice because the movie is just too boring. Instead we’ll mostly refer to it as “that movie with the Chief from Get Smart.” Edward Platt is pretty much the one noteworthy actor of the movie, aside from the chameleon Merritt Stone (“HE’S NOT MERRITT STONE!”).

Dreary tone, stiff performances, and overall B-picture production values make this one a movie that kind of just drifts in with the rest of MST’s line-up. I don’t really feel interested in vesting too much time talking about it so I’m not going to. If it wanted me to do that it should have been something interesting. Instead it’s generic, insanely padded, and kind of drops like a dud.

Movie Rating: 3/10

The Episode

As we open with our short in this episode, Joel warns the bots to not “get too dark.” This is perhaps more of a warning to the audience, as they really don’t seem afraid to riff in a dark place during this piece. There’s a lot of jokes about the psychological trauma of being a lost child all the way to something as random as the assassination of John Kennedy. Mostly what makes Johnny at the Fair worth watching is that Joel and the bots take an “innocent” story and adult it up, with references that can get political, critical, and even a bit blue. On that latter subject, this short does feature one of my favorite riffs of the series, which sees a baby horse trying to nurse from his mother only to jerk its head away, prompting Crow to spout “Oops! Sorry, dad!”

Riffing on the movie is enthusiastic, which is really more energy than this movie can rise up within me so kudos to our gang for keeping things peppy. The film is just inclined to suck the fun out of the room, which makes riffing it difficult. They push the film to its limits though, and every once in a while they pipe up with a bigger belly laugh than you were expecting this film to inspire. But much like the film, the riffing just kind of drifts off and doesn’t really inspire much rave about the final product.

Host segments are fair, but unmemorable. Joel reads the bots a “scary” story, Crow takes Scott Baio endorsed acting lessons, and there’s some healthy and heated debate as to whether the movie features Merritt Stone (spoiler alert: It doesn’t). Invention exchange is cute, which features the Quick Primp Kit and Mark Rothko Paint-By-Numbers.

Like the film itself, Rebel Set as an episode doesn’t inspire much within me. I enjoy portions of it but mostly it just comes off as a “background episode” that you turn on and do something else while it’s playing. That’s about all the feelings on it I can sum up.

Episode Rating: Average

The DVD

This episode was released by Rhino on Volume 12. Video and audio were pretty good and the disc featured the film’s trailer as a bonus feature. Also featured is an interview with Don Sullivan, unfortunately a good portion of it is the same that was seen on the Giant Gila Monster disc. However, technically this disc came first, so I can’t fault it.

Johnny at the Fair was released quite a bit earlier on Mr. B’s Lost Shorts, featured on Rhino’s Volume 6 set. There were no special features.

Next Time: It’s Hammer Time!

[Torgo]

Once again, Happy Turkey Day everyone! Here's to another year of MST reviews!

[Torgo]

For the record, I haven't abandoned the thread. I haven't updated in a while due to a combination of things: computer problems, illness, shifting work, hours which has left me exhausted, helping out friends, blizzard, and a wonderful member of the opposite gender that is keeping me hooked, lol.

I was hoping to put something up this weekend (but then again I've been hoping to put something up for two months) but I'm starting to feel under the weather again. Hopefully I can have this back up and running by the time the new season starts.

[Torgo]

111-Moon Zero Two

The Movie

Moon Zero Two is one of the more positively thought of films featured on the show, though maybe my sensibilities are a bit different, but I can’t really fathom why. This movie reduces me to tears, as it’s such a haphazard scattershot production of things that could work mixed in with things that don’t. It’s textbook example of throwing crap at a wall and seeing what sticks. The sets and costumes are pleasurably colorful, but look like a padded special-ed take on the future. Humor holds traces of wit, but is delivered with the subtlety of Hee Haw. Ladies are often shaking their money makers in skin-tight costumes on stage, but the only reason you’d hand dollar bills to them is for the same reason you’d hand one to a homeless man. The movie even starts with a cartoon with groovy tunes, but the cartoon isn’t cute and the song grows grating.

And let’s just face facts, if you’re looking for a sci-fi western hybrid, you’re better off watching the original Star Trek series or just Firefly.

As for story, it’s hardly interesting. There’s some ho-ha about mining and claimjumping on a moon colony. It gets wackier as it goes on, featuring a goofball zero-gravity fight sequence and some lackluster space-gunslinging. It wears a certain 60’s kitsch to help enhance the surrounding lunar lunacy, and some might think that’s enough, I find myself wanting more.

Moon Zero Two is a thoroughly unenjoyable experience. It offers rancid, brain-melting boredom with no actual sense of entertainment value to fuel its shenanigans. It does tries to please aesthetically and could succeed if it applied itself more, but it fails miserably and looks dimwitted and clueless in the process.

Movie Rating: 2/10

The Episode

As stated, I’m one of the few people who is resistant to this movie’s “charms” (I’m told it has them), and it’s mildly dismaying that Joel, Servo, and Crow seem to fall for them. They are fairly low key during this episode, seemingly enjoying the movie and swimming with the current, trying to enhance what enjoyment factor the film might have. If you enjoy the movie, you’re probably going to enjoy this episode. I despise the movie, and as a result the episode is a massive slog. Moon Zero Two is a black liquorish episode. Some people are going to love it, some are going to spit it out and toss it in the garbage. This is especially disconcerting seeing how it’s an episode from the sparse first season, which is the most “black liquorish” season of the series. But let’s face it, enjoyment of the film relating to enjoyment of the episode is par for the course in this season, so it’s not a huge surprise that this is the case.

The host segments don’t do much for me either. The moon landing re-enactment is attempting to be delightfully awkward, but just ends up awkward. The “Games of the Future” is a total snooze, and to a lesser extent is the sequence-mocking zero-G fight (though the cute final visual gag is neat). For the most part these segments are taking inspiration from a film that offers pretty much no inspiration. Even the Invention Exchange proves lackluster, with Joel demonstrating lame visual gags and the Mads just showing off toothpaste.

To be blunt, Moon Zero Two is a hard episode for me to review. I get absolutely nothing out of this episode. I hate the movie, the riffing is lackluster, and I feel like a hollow lump watching it (in-joke note: I might even claim this is the reason it took me several months to even review it). Others have an opposite experience with this one. This is far from the only episode that I seem to be on the opposite end of the spectrum on (there’s a select third season episode that I feel exactly the same about, and a certain tenth season episode that I enjoy far more than the norm would imply). Like a lot of things in film and television, it’s one of those things that some will enjoy and leave others scratching their heads (hell, MST is the epitome of this reaction).

Episode Rating: Not Recommended

The DVD

Moon Zero Two rockets to DVD on the 25th Anniversary Edition set, with great video and audio. Special features are bountiful as well, kicking off with an introduction by Hammer historian Constantine Nasr. Nasr has so much love for the films of Hammer that I almost wish he were talking about one of their better movies, but unfortunately this is the only Hammer flick MST ever did. He’s apologetic for it, but upfront about how lame it is, citing a poor script but pointing out the hard effort of the production.

Up next is part one of the multi-part documentary Return to Eden Prairie. This one is entitled “The Crew” and it covers sets and props, with interviews with set designer Jef Maynard, propmaster Beth ‘Beez” McKeever, and art director Patrick Brantseg. They go into wonderful detail about designing the homemade look of the show with neat little tidbits. A good amount of time is spent on the constantly shifting setting of season eight.

Finally is a trailer for the film itself.

Next Time: Torgo reviews the episode, and then is devoured as his purpose has been fulfilled.

[Torgo]

804-The Deadly Mantis

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

“For every action…there is an equal or opposite reaction.”

Universal International scored two memorable sci-fi hits featuring man versus oversized critters with The Incredible Shrinking Man and Tarantula. Naturally one goes to the well again, maybe one time too many. Giant insects brought box office, and here we go again.

The Deadly Mantis is about…well, a deadly mantis. An ancient, gargantuan praying mantis is unearthed, causing disappearances in the arctic. A scientist and a reporter investigate at a military station in the far north and wind up with a first hand glimpse of the giant bug as it makes its way toward civilization.

We’ve seen many massive insect/arachnid movies on MST, like Earth vs. the Spider and Beginning of the End. Deadly Mantis easily ranks among the best made of these critter movies, being a respectably budgeted production by a major studio. Puppeteering of the titular monster is strong and the puppet itself is wonderful, especially in comparison to the similar monster Kamacuras from Son of Godzilla. Sets and locations are delightfully diverse, which give us wonderfully snowy scenery pushing forth into its cityscape climax.

“Awwww she’s like a butterfly gliding across the lily pond!”

The human cast is mostly The Deadly Mantis’s weakness. Roles are regulated to their most cliché, while a lot of actors are in earnest, ham-it-up enhancement of a not-too-special script. Victims of the mantis are given “petrified with FEAR!” deaths all to often, as they stand still, waving their arms in the air, and scream as doom looms upon them.

Deadly Mantis is middle-of-the-road Universal International 50’s sci-fi, but it’s fun. Those who like giant monster movies will eat it up.

Movie Rating: 7/10

The Episode

“For every action…”
“There is a Jackson!”

Four episodes into season eight, and we’re dealt our fourth Universal International film in a row. By now Mike, Servo, and Crow know what to expect and just seem at the ready when the film starts. Luckily The Deadly Mantis is a far better movie than both Leech Woman and Mole People, so it doesn’t really fight back. There’s a bit of a balance at hand in the riffing of this episode, where the crew doesn’t quite respect the film they're given but merely seem relieved that it’s goofy fun. Their primary target is the lackluster human cast, playing around with the clichés of shallow romance (“But I got a mantis in my pantis.”), casual sexism (“Like she’s really a photographer, she’s just a woman!”), and grumpy old scientists who also become senile at the hands of our boys (“Who are you people and where is my soup?”). They have fun with the mantis too, giving him his own personality.

“I feel a disturbance. As though a million monkeys cried out at once…and then were silenced.”

The most notable aspect of the host segments in this particular episode is that closes out the “Deep Ape” arc that started in Revenge of the Creature, with a rather delicious parody of Beneath the Planet of the Apes that finds Mike stupidly helping Professor Bobo and Peanut fix a thermonuclear device for a group of underground dwelling mutants. This is also noteworthy for being the first planet that Mike has “accidentally” destroyed, leading to his trial in Agent for H.A.R.M. Most of the other segments deal with the Satellite drifting through space: harassed by Pearl, listening to the radio, and accidentally hitting an alien. I especially enjoyed this last segment, which lead into a delightful follow up where Crow prepares a meatloaf for everyone’s enjoyment while they inquire what happened to the beast.

The Deadly Mantis is near and dear to my heart as the first episode of the series I ever watched. But even if I weren’t blinded by nostalgia I think I’d be singing high praises of it. The movie is good, the riffing is hysterical, and the host segments are a gas. This is the first great episode of the Sci-Fi era.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

Shout Factory released The Deadly Mantis on their Volume XXVII set. Video had minor damage in places at the top of the screen and a missing bumper at the end of the first host segment. Audio was strong.

Special features kick off with an introduction by Mary Jo Pehl, who reflects on the goofiness of the movie, restrictions of the Sci-Fi Channel, and the skeptic treatment of science in these movies. She misremembers a few things about the movie (I don’t recall any moment in the film where the scale of the mantis was barely larger than a human being), but she has some fun comments on the episode.

Second up is Chasing Rosebud: The Cinematic Life of William Alland, a twelve minute documentary on the unsung producer of The Deadly Mantis. This featurette mostly covers Alland’s work at Universal Interrnational, championing him as the one who kept monster movies flowing through Universal after the studio cooled on them in the 1950’s, having came up with the classic 3D productions of It Came from Outer Space and Creature from the Black Lagoon, and pushing films like Tarantula, The Mole People, and, of course, Deadly Mantis down the pipeline. Details on Deadly Mantis are few, merely referring to it as “assembly line” and a “merciless” use of stock footage.

Closing out the disc is a theatrical trailer.

Next Time:

[Torgo]

510-The Painted Hills (With Short: “Body Care and Grooming”)

The Short

Does one hear a condescending narrator? If you hear the sound of image shaming that means you shall be filmed bathing, dressing, and grooming one’s self in order to fit in with social norms and land yourself a husband. And thus is the tale of Body Care and Grooming, the short that desires you to look and smell your best.

Almost something of a companion short to Keeping Clean and Neat, this one targets college age viewers as opposed to children. As a result, it tries to get a bit more technical with bodily functions and appeals to one’s libido by making the claim that one will never get laid if they look a mess. The short is a bit self-explanatory, though one must wonder how bad college campuses got if they needed to spread the word about bathing properly.

The Movie

“Lassie’s back and she’s PISSED!”

The Painted Hills is the seventh “Lassie” film, and the last made before the popular canine was turned into a long running television series. Technically the film isn’t even a Lassie movie, since it’s based on an unrelated novel called “Shep and the Painted Hills” and the collie is playing a male dog named Shep as opposed to Lassie. But since it’s the same dog from Lassie Come Home, of course it makes sense to cash in on the Lassie popularity.

The Painted Hills follows a prospector named Jonathan and his pet collie Shep, who have finally struck gold. Jonathan’s greedy partner kills him in an attempt to keep the gold all to himself, and tries to kill Shep and little boy Tommy (NOT TIMMY AND NO HE DIDN’T FALL DOWN A WELL) to hide his secret. But the vengeful Shep tastes blood and vows vengeance.

There’s a quite simple idea (or cliché) that we all expect a Lassie movie to be, and The Painted Hills is quite a bit bleaker and angrier story than the Lassie we all know and love. But The Painted Hills treats “Lassie” (or Pal, as the dog was known on set) as an actor playing a role as opposed to a character. I assume Lassie thought it was time to try something different and see if the crowd responded, like Charlie Chaplin and A Woman of Paris.

To judge The Painted Hills as its own movie it’s obviously a skilled production. There’s lush frontier landscape and mountaintops that make for nice scenery, the story is somewhat interesting, and Lassie is still a wonderful performer as well. But the characters are bland and the whole affair is very vanilla, and as a result the movie doesn’t hold attention very well. What the movie does well makes it hard to dislike, it’s just not a movie worth writing home about either.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

The riffing highlight of the episode is the short, which is a goody offering with a shaming narrator bossing people around. Joel and the bots aren’t afraid to get messy, as opposed to the short which is about cleaning up. The love to pick apart the exaggerated examples and poke at the anal retentiveness, as well as just playing with the production values in general. They pretty much nail the tone as the short finishes with “the end of the perfect day,” to which Joel points out “An entire day spent grooming.”

When Joel and the bots find the movie at a far different pace, they at the very least keep their riff flow steady. Ultimately the issue I’m having with this episode is that while they liven the pace of the film, it’s just enough to turn it from a slow crawl into a leisurely walk of a film. There are many moments in the riffing that are amusing, but it’s hard to not be a bit bored. Not entirely helping is the “Pile-On Pete” running gag, as the boys mishear the name Pilot Pete and run with it. I didn’t really laugh the first time, and it didn’t ripen with age. Faring a little better is the riffers giving Lassie a craving for “Snausages!” The riffing also grows darker as the film goes on, as death and murder start becoming more in the forefront of the story.

The host segments are mostly pretty good, with my favorite being the final moral debate of whether or not Lassie is a murderer. Also featured is another debate on whether the girl in the short looks better messy or neat, a “lesson” on Rutherford B. Hayes, and a discussion on how much the “gold” robot Crow is worth. The Invention Exchange amuses with the TalkBack tape recorder and the Cholester-Do-All, the latter of which is a great bit in which Dr. Forrester uses Frank’s hard-pumping, unhealthy heart to power Deep 13.

There’s a lot of funny in this episode, but truth be told it kind of falls in the middle of “average” and “good.” I don’t give half ratings, because the older I get the more I find them to be a cheat, so I’m forced to round to the bottom on this one. It’s okay, but it could be better.

Episode Rating: Average

The DVD

Feel the wrath of Lassie in Shout Factory’s Volume XXXI: Turkey Day Collection, with a great standard definition transfer and swell audio.

In this Turkey Day Marathon celebratory collection, Painted Hills may be the Turkey Day-iest disc of the bunch, as it wrangles up bumpers from three separate Turkey Days from Comedy Central. If you are eager for more Trace and Frank as the Mads, this is the disc for you. A lot of the Turkey Day stuff is more moments with our evil overlords (-wannabes). While it should be noted that the 1995 marathon was previously released on the Night of the Blood Beast disc of Volume XVI, but they are repeated here (with Night of the Blood Beast segments thrown in for good measure). So I suppose the real stars of this disc are the bumpers for 1992 and 1993, the former featuring Dr. Forrester trying to take over the world with the Turkey Day Marathon while Frank entertains guests and tries to get Dr. F to join in the festivities, while the latter features Dr. Forrester force feeding Frank a Turkey for every episode shown. The best segments however are the 1995 ones, which feature Forrester trying to impress his mother while entertaining many guests that Frank invited before dying in Sampson vs. the Vampire Women. These segments are a bit more clever and playful than the others with their interlocking story, while the ’91 segments are delightful but focus more on the marathon itself and the ’92 segments are brief and single-gag.

One thing that should be noted is that other than the ’95 segments, the bumpers are all in rough condition. I suspect they were mastered from fan copies, but if they were masters from Best Brains then they took really lousy care of them. Also a bit of an elephant in the room are segments that are not here, which include 1993 bumpers of an actual MSTie party and 1994 bumpers hosted by Adam West (Zombie Nightmare) and featuring Robert Vaughn (Teenage Caveman), Beverly Garland (It Conquered the World, Swamp Diamonds, Gunslinger) and Mamie Van Doren (Untamed Youth, Girls Town). While these segments are probably in lesser demand, it would have been nice to include them for completist sake. However, I’m willing to let this slide since the bumpers were made by Comedy Central and not Best Brains and Shout Factory likely would have had to have gone through different channels to obtain rights to them.

The missing bumpers in question can be seen on Youtube.

1993


1994


One can also claim that Shout didn’t seem fit to include Turkey Day bumpers that they had filmed themselves for their streaming Turkey Days. While it would have been nice to have them, since these were filmed outside of the series being on the air, I don’t entirely see them as a requirement.

Rounding out the disc, like all the episodes on Volume XXXI, The Painted Hills comes with its own custom made Turkey Day intro featuring Joel, while Servo and Crow (briefly voiced by Josh and Trace) translate dog barks.

The short, Body Care and Grooming, was also featured on Rhino’s Shorts Volume 1 compilation which was released in their Volume 2 collection. The only extra was an introduction by Tom Servo. Shout Factory also released this set featuring the short and said introduction.

Next Time: Uh-oh, I’m low on gas. Better re-fuel.