Torgo's Review Thread 2.0

[Torgo]

612-The Starfighters

The Movie

In all my years of film-watching I’ve reached a point in my life were I find that I have to roll my eyes at anybody who watches the latest blockbuster and complains “That movie had NO plot!” Internally I just think to myself, “Brother, you haven’t seen a movie without a plot. And if you did, you would know it would look exactly like The Starfighters.”

Undoubtedly one of the worst movies ever featured on the show, The Starfighters is genuinely a movie about nothing. Seinfeld has nothing on this movie, because that show “about nothing” at least has characteristics driving it. The Starfighters shows jets refueling, refueling, flying, then refueling some more. The characters, lead by future congressman Robert Dornan, do little to nothing in its runtime. There are a few jetfighters on dates with little importance, one having a disagreement with his father about staying in the Air Force, and lot’s of technical talk.

It’s somewhat clear that the movie is meant to sell itself on the excitement of military flying, without actual combat. It might even be taking advantage of interest in fighter planes by showing them off ad nauseam. But even still, the movie serves no purpose. There’s nothing exciting or artful about the film, except the fetishism of the Starfighter jet. I can’t tell you what exactly the movie is supposed to be, because there’s little to no information on it. Some theorize that it’s a military training film of some kind, while others state that it could have possibly been made to sell the featured aircraft. Or it’s just a bad movie.

I can you one thing, if this film was meant to be instructional or some sort of advertisement, it would have been better off being fifteen minutes long. Imagine if any of the educational shorts on the show ran ninety minutes, because that’s the feeling of The Starfighters in a nutshell.

Movie Rating: 1/10

The Episode

I’ve watched this episode several times in the past, and for the most part I have a hard time getting into it. The movie is like watching paint dry (“like watching jets refuel” should be the new metaphor for boredom), and it hurts. A lot. Despite watching bad movies on a regular basis through this show, very few movies I’ve seen actually feel like they’re trying to attack my sanity such as this one. To an extent I feel Mystery Science Theater did the world a disservice bringing this thing back into the spotlight. I argue the importance of film preservation every chance I get, but The Starfighters can just sit in a garbage can and rot for all eternity for all I care.

Normally while watching an episode I do my best to follow both the movie and the riffing, but I am so tired of trying with this one that I just zoned out and concentrated on Mike, Servo, and Crow. The movie is killing me, but how are THEY doing? They’re surprisingly upbeat, to be honest. They take this movie on with an earnest enthusiasm for it, almost as if they know if they let it get to them, they will fail. I’m a bit pleasantly surprised that they don’t play this movie’s boredom up, which is something that Mike and Kevin do a lot of on Rifftrax with far less boring movies, to lame result. They ride on (double entendre not intended) sexual innuendo for the extended refueling scenes, some of which work but get mostly tiresome by the end. Unfortunate scenes of non-actors trying to sell what little story this movie has the guys entertained enough and they take aim on the amateurish production. And of course, there is “poopie suit,” the lovable costume that fuels potty humor for pretty much the last ten minutes.

The host segments are good, featuring a run-on gag of Crow logging on to the “Information Superhighway” and having to call support. One of the segments devoted to this is a rather disturbing “refueling” sequence in which Crow and Servo imitate the planes in the movie by having Crow shove his beak up Servo’s hoverskirt. Also featured is a lovely Servo chorus song and Mike’s all-too-literal “debriefing” (“GET ‘IM!”), while the Mads have invented a mind reading device. There’s really not a loser in the bunch.

The question I’m left lingering by the end of the episode is “Who wins?” Is it the movie or the riffing? The answer is “I don’t know.” This episode is subjective, both parts painful and funny and it’s something of an all-out war. Here’s the thing though, as the movie grows more monotonous, the riffing can get just as stale. The sexual innuendo and “poopie suit” jokes are funny at first, but grow wearisome the deeper we get into them. And even if I found the episode to have bright moments this time, it’s hard to tell just how much I’ll enjoy it down the road. There have been quite a few episodes that I’ve watched thinking they were better than I remember only to have my opinion switch back upon the next viewing. My gut tells me The Starfighters is one of those episodes.

Episode Rating: Average

The DVD

The Starfighters jet to us in Rhino’s Volume 12 set, featuring solid video and audio. The only bonuses are songs from the series in a Video Jukebox.

Next Time: Just in time for a new King Kong movie, it’s a movie with special effects by Willis O’Brian!

[Torgo]

113-The Black Scorpion

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

Most people who think of stop-motion animation think of Ray Harryhausen (in fact, this episode incorrectly states him to be the special effects animator in this film), but without one Willis O’Brien to take him under his wing there would be no Ray Harryhaussen. O’Brien, best known as the effects master who brought the original King Kong to life, had several more classics under his belt, such as the 1925 silent adaptation of The Lost World (which is still the best, though if you’ve seen some of the others that’s not hard) and 1949’s child-friendly Kong alternative Mighty Joe Young (which Ray Harryhausen worked on as well). Sadly, despite being a revolutionary special effects pioneer with a career that spanned decades, O’Brien’s filmography of stop motion beasts is not as extensive as Harryhausen’s. Probably his most noteworthy contributions outside these films were Son of Kong and The Giant Behemoth, while coming up with the stories of The Beast of Hollow Mountain and The Valley of Gwangi. And then we have The Black Scorpion.

Not to be confused with Roger Corman’s superhero films and consecutive TV series of the same name, starring some babe in an S&M bikini, the story tells of giant scorpions (natch) freed by eruptions in Mexico, where they devour the town. It’s up to fearsome geologists to save the day!

Stellar special effects highlight this mostly standard giant critter movie. If one enjoys stop motion animation, this is definitely a movie you’d want in your collection. If the movie feels humdrum, that’s probably because we’ve seen many of this type of film before, given Them! or Tarantula. Humans serve to stand there, gawk, and/or give explanations that lead to the films climax, while groups of extras run in groups and scream while the scorpion follows them wherever they go.

Sometimes the movie’s attempt at emotional weight pushes against its momentum for fun. Similar to Earth vs. the Spider or The Creeping Terror, the movie early on implies that a child (in this case, a baby) is orphaned by the titular monster devouring its parents, which always feels something of a killjoy for me in a movie like this. The film itself oddly enough plays it for smiles, as the main characters find a baby in its crib without another soul in sight, and can’t seem to stop smiling at the kid. The idea of the scene compared to the tone of the scene is bizarre.

Despite not being the best of its genre, The Black Scorpion at the very least takes its place as one of the most well made and entertaining films featured on Mystery Science Theater. Maybe that says just enough about it.

Movie Rating: 7/10

The Episode

I’m never really enthused to say the strength of an episode is that the movie itself saves it. For the most part, the riffing in this episode isn’t that funny. We get off on a bad foot when the first think we see in the episode is a volcano explosion and Tom Servo says “Cops is filmed on location!” I know what this is a reference to, but in the context of the scene itself it doesn’t make sense. It’s a quip for the sake of a quip. Extend this to a scene later on where we are treated to a military officer who looks like Peter Sellers, which leads to Crow doing a Dr. Strangelove impersonation that’s actually fairly amusing. Unfortunately it’s a bit hampered by the fact that the officer looks more like Inspector Clouseau than Dr. Strangelove. Everyone just seems that much off their game, which makes Black Scorpion as an episode not really all that funny, but amusing in that they’re watching a pretty entertaining movie.

The host segments furthermore show a bit of lackluster flavor. The segment where Gypsy dresses as a scorpion bombs, albeit because her costume falls apart onscreen (Poopie!), but even if it had stayed together it’s more random than funny. The host segment on Willis O’Brien comes off unfortunate after they misidentified the special effects technician in the film as Ray Harryhausen in the opener (Poopie!). Joel’s invention in the Invention Exchange flounders, though it’s somewhat saved by the mutated appearance by the Mads. The most amusing segment is the letter read at the end, where Crow reacts to a critical letter addressed to him,

I find myself at a bit of a conundrum. I like watching this one because I like the movie, but the riffing and host segments are pretty sloppy in this episode. The entire episode is a bit annoying because technically it’s not good, but the movie is the one picking up the slack and hauling Joel in the bots to the finish-line.

Episode Rating: Average

The DVD

Pinch me, I think I’m dreaming! The Black Scorpion came to us on DVD from Shout Factory in their Volume XXX set, making season one the first season to be released on DVD in its entirety (it has since been joined by the seasons five and seven). Audio and video were both generally very good.

On the extras side, we are given Stinger of Death: Making the Black Scorpion, a historian interview with C. Courtney Joyner. He provides a lot of context to 50’s monster films, particularly Warner Bros, who brought us Them! and The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, and how The Black Scorpion was a continuation of it. He praises the location cinematography and special effects work. And regardless of how you feel about the movie in general, it’s hard to disagree with him. Also on the disc is a trailer.

Next Time: The wait until the next episode will be TORCHA!

[Torgo]

404-Teenagers from Outer Space

The Movie

This quintessential crap classic features aliens landing on Earth where they intend on breeding their food source, creatures called the Gargons. Seeing that his shipmates kill a dog without remorse, youthful Derek begins to fear for the living creatures on this planet and flees. Eventually he finds the dog’s owner, Betty, and desperately tries to warn her of his people’s plans.

If the title and special effects didn’t already tip you off, this film will clue you in on how goofy it is in the first five minutes, which crams pretty much all the exposition it needs in an awkward conversation between the alien visitors. This is all the “important” (and I use the term loosely) dialogue the film gives us, and the rest is a rather silly and casual hide and seek movie featuring Derek telling Betty things we already know and “fearsome” (I also use this term loosely) aliens searching for him. Not only that, study the acting in the opening scene. Or specifically the laughable attempt at it. Yes indeed, everything we need to know about this movie is spelled out in the opening, and the decision of whether to stay and watch or not is on you.

If you do stay you’ll find a delightfully goofy cheapie, with plastic Halloween skeletons thrown around to create the illusion of HORRIFIC DEATH and forced perspective lobster shadows and a big and bad giant monster. You’ll never be able to suspend your disbelief at Teenagers from Outer Space because it desires maybe too much of your imagination in order to make it work. A lot of its “special effects” happen off screen with implications or, at its worst, old-time-radio-esque descriptions of what exactly it isn’t able to show you. And what it can afford to show you looks ridiculous, so if the film had stuck to cutting away it might actually have been more effective.

Or funnier.

Or maybe just as funny as it is now. It’s hard to tell what would make this movie less laughable without overhauling it entirely.

The film is somewhat endearing in its limited nature and resulting ineptitude. I personally can’t help but be fascinated by its silliness. Not to mention director Tim Burton was obviously a fan, taking the concept of laser guns leaving skeletons behind and employing it in his sci-fi spoof Mars Attacks! For a movie that could have easily been forgotten, any legacy is a good one.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

Teenagers from Outer Space and Mystery Science Theater are a match made in heaven. The film itself has Plan 9 from Outer Space levels of charm and Joel and the bots are quite taken with it. Every aspect of the production is funny in one form or another and our crew just adds another dimension to it, latching on to what any particular scene is doing wrong and elevating it. This episode is a wild ride, due to a great movie choice and a very confident riffing performance.

The host segments feature a strong “Reel Life to Real Life” comparison and a behavior modification eliminating the “ABC Mystery Movie” riffs (which would have been funny as a run-on gag in the episode, but alas), though the rest run a little dry. The anti-littering segment is cute but not really funny, while the “cool space ship” segment flops. Invention exchange doesn’t impress with the silly Scratch-and-Sniff Report Card and the bland but amusing finish Resusci-Annie.

But while the host segments mostly don’t live up to the theater work, Teenagers from Outer Space is a blast and a terrific specimen of how funny the show could be. This one deserves full marks, baby.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

Teenagers from Outer Space was released via Rhino’s Volume 6 set, with quality audio and video presentation. There were no bonus features.

Next Time: Starring the bane of every MST DVD collector…Susan Hart.

[Torgo]

108-The Slime People (With Short: “Radar Men from the Moon: Chapter Six – Hills of Death”)

The Short

Jumping out of their cars before the fake-out quick cut, we are flung into this week’s single serving of Commando Cody. This one features Cody’s pal Ted being kidnapped and escaping, anticlimactic padding this may be, it sends Cody pursuing the bad guys and getting into a gunfight.

I feel as if I’ve said my peace on Commando Cody many times over by now. Serials are tiresome even when they’re spaced far apart like this. When this chapter ends, I feel a bit irritated because nothing really happened. And what’s worse is that I’m wise to it, because a serial is nothing more than thirty minutes of story padded out to twelve or fifteen chapters that last fifteen minutes each. Now that we’re halfway through Commando Cody we’re getting to the most tedious chapters of the bunch, and they can get infuriating.

The Movie

60’s cheapie was a labor of love for film’s star/director Robert Hutton, who filmed independently and even trudged on when he had no money to complete it. But the persistence of the filmmaking doesn’t put energy into this tale of underground reptilian monsters who invade the surface and conquer Los Angeles (like anyone gives a damn), covering it in everlasting fog, and killing every human they come across (good riddance, Hollywood). A group of almost offensively stupid survivors to mount a retaliation against these creatures and save humanity. We’re doomed.

The movie almost seems like a prototype for John Carpenter’s The Fog or Stephen King’s The Mist in its attempt to create mood through fog, as well as creating a feasible lack of vision for characters so creatures could sneak up on them. Elements are also similar to George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, as it features isolated characters with limited knowledge of what exactly is going on, with minimal context being brought by news broadcast. Unfortunately that’s about all the film has going for it.

The film is a fun idea for a monster movie, reeking of amateur status. Take note of several scenes featuring our characters in a car, which has several characters bouncing around to create some sort of half-assed “illusion” that the car is swerving like crazy. The effect just looks like what it is, a bunch of people rolling around in their seats. Even when it comes to the film’s idea of mood by use of fog, the film overdoes it and rolls the fog so thick it’s hard to see what’s happening. It’s easy to think that the fog is ramped up to hide something wrong with any particular scene, but if it is that’s one of the smartest things about this movie.

It’s certainly a frustrating movie due to wasted potential, which walks hand-in-hand with its next-to-nothing production values. It’s certainly a movie where I like the concept and sit down to have a cheesy good time with, but really don’t get much of anything from the experience.

Movie Rating: 4/10

The Episode

The Slime People gives the crew material to work with, however it’s so leisurely paced that it comes few and far between. There are some good laughs to be had whenever there’s momentum in the story, the news reports at the beginning for example is fairly funny. But the film finds characters stopping in their tracks and waiting things out quite often and there is not a lot that can be done. There is a bit of a disappointment that the crew doesn’t take advantage of certain opens the film gives them, such as the afore mentioned car footage. They do take note of the fact that the car they’re in isn’t driving anywhere, but that’s seems like the smallest observation they could make.

Helping the watchability of this particular episode is further experimentation to keep the theater seats from blending in with the movie, where they tint the film blue to keep them separated. While the blue coloring is a bit of an eyesore as well, it seems like it’s the least of all the evils they’ve tried so far. This film pigmentation would last for all black and white movies until late in season three, where the black and white movies start to look a more natural grey shade instead of blue.

As for Commando Cody…it’s a Commando Cody. There are a lot of gags we’ve heard before, and a lot of lesser gags that we haven’t. We’re further cementing that Commando Cody was far too ambitious a project for this early in MST’s run. The monotonous stories and similar footage are really causing our boys to struggle.

Host segments largely nitpick the plausibility of what they’re watching this week, starting by putting Commando Cody on trial and following up with two segments questioning the story of the movie. I particularly like the third host segment, which has the bots playing with a fog machine, making the Satellite of Love as un-seeable as the film itself. The second segment even plays with self awareness, where Servo comes up with an idea about some guy stranded on a desert island and forced to watch bad sitcoms, while Joel says it would never fly.

Poopie!: Joel misidentifies Servo as Crow in the intro.

The Slime People makes for a dreary watch, and Joel and the bots have proven with some of the earlier episodes that they can still elevate films like this even this early in the run, as I’m a fan of episodes like Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy and Mad Monster. I might have an against the grain opinion when it comes to first season episodes when I feel like some of those early ugly print film riffs are a bit funnier than later, and cleaner, efforts like Slime People. If you find yourself disagreeing with me on those, this episode might be a bit more worthwhile. For me I find that they stumble a bit with the tedium on this particular movie, and with an equally tedious Commando Cody short attached to the episode this one just doesn’t gel as well as it could.

Episode Rating: Average

The DVD

Shout Factory released The Slime People on their Volume XXVII set, featuring great video and audio. Featured is an interview with Judith (Morton) Fraser, who recalls how she and her friend Susan Hart were cast in the film, as well as recollections of the rest of the cast and crew and disappointment in the film itself. There is a theatrical trailer as well.

The Commando Cody short was featured on a compilation disc of Commando Cody shorts released online with Volume XXV. The only extra was an intro by Josh Weinstein.

Next Time: Robert Reed IS Jennifer Lawrence IN Most Dangerous Hunger Games.

[Torgo]

ATTENTION! I AM ADDING THIS NOTE ABOUT THE UPCOMING SEASON OF MST3K!
It will be added to my first post for the time being.

For anybody who is curious, since season eleven is on the horizon I want confirm that within the next few months the new episodes will be available for random selection to be reviewed. However I don’t want my reviews to be first reactions, so when the season is first dropped I will watch the new episodes but not review them. The new season will enter the random selection process a month later to give me time to digest them, which means I will not be reviewing any of them until mid-May at the earliest. And even that is not guaranteed, because the episodes are selected by a random number generator which may not get to them until later.

While the quality of the episodes and opinions on them will be old news by then (and probably my own as well), I believe this to be crucial to putting forth an objective viewpoint on them as well as an analytical look at their pros and cons which amounts to more than the drop of the hat viewpoint of “I liked it” or “they ruined the best show of all time WHY GOD WHY!” Season eleven will be an interesting discussion point until then, and I predict it will be polarizing but healthy for the franchise. And I guarantee you wherever they fall on my personal spectrum of opinion on the series, they ARE a part of the series and they WILL be reviewed. None of that “series was over for me when Joel/Trace and Frank/Mike, Kevin, and Bill left” crap (the series really jumped the shark when Josh left, any true purist knows this). Whether it is a good or bad season is moot, it’s still Mystery Science Theater 3000 officially and will be reviewed as objectively as possible.

[Torgo]

I also added the leaked list of titles to my initial post since today's trailer pretty much confirmed them to be real, in spoiler tags just in case. Spoiler tags will be removed on release day, and the list will be altered accordingly.

[Torgo]

607-Bloodlust (With Short: “Uncle Jim’s Dairy Farm”)

The Short

Two city kids visit their uncle’s farm where they see firsthand all the hard work of the rewarding life of a farmer. They have fun ringing bells, swinging from ropes, and performing back-breaking labor, all so they can climb a rope by the end of the summer!

This short is a bit too underdeveloped to maintain a strong educational nature about life on a farm, but I imagine children were the target audience. It mostly seems to give off the impression of the importance of a good day’s hard work more than anything farm related. I imagine the setting was mostly chosen to show off cuddly animals to give the impression of such work being “fun.”

To an extent, the short has a lot going for it, being a depiction of child life long before video games and tablets and the like, meaning working on a farm could be about as entertaining as anything else. One can’t say the short doesn’t have a well meaning message, though I doubt anybody nowadays would pay attention to it.

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

Bloodlust is a low budget Most Dangerous Game knockoff starring a pre-“This group somehow formed a family” Brady Bunch star Robert Reed. Reed and three friends go sailing and wind up on an island in search of adventure. They are however unaware that the island is inhabited by a former sniper who lures people to his island and hunts them for sport and displays their taxidermy-prepared carcasses for his collection.

I’d be lying if I said Bloodlust was a particularly skilled production. It honestly looks and feels like something that was quickly prepared to fill up a double feature. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, because entertainment value needs to be taken into consideration. Bloodlust is never boring, which is a good start. The acting is earnest from its young leads and suitably hammy from those on the island, which is a great way to keep one’s attention. The screenplay, while unoriginal as hell, keeps things going at a snappy pace.

So no, Bloodlust is not a great movie, but it sure as hell fills its needs. It’s a likable enough tongue-in-cheek thriller about murder and survival. It’s never really all that riveting, but it sure as hell can kill a Saturday afternoon.

Episode Rating: 6/10

The Episode

This overlooked gem has often hit my DVD player. Bloodlust is a laugh riot, featuring a watchable movie that can hold a viewer’s attention while adding the commentary to give the film the spice it needs to really feel flavorful. The film never takes itself seriously, and Mike and the bots never do either. They amp up the absurdity of the situations to brilliant levels, with top prize going to the drunk boat captain which is of course pummeled with booze-hound jokes. On a lower but still funny tier we are given our antagonist’s wife who is having an affair, with adulterous jokes up the wazoo, meanwhile our naïve heroes are ribbed for their goofball, gee-wiz attitudes and their huffy attempts at outsmarting people far more clever than they are.

We are also given an appetizer in a short, paying a trip to Uncle Jim’s Dairy Farm. This parcel is just as tasty as the main course, as Mike and the bots take aim at more city-folk attitudes toward the overworked lives of farmers, making light of the children’s situation by implying that they simply don’t want to be there. Sadly these riffs are probably far truer to life than the short portrays. Also delighting here is a running gag about the kids’ parents having no desire to bring their children back.

For desert we are given the host segments, and they’re short but sweet. A lot of what’re presented are brief “bark a laugh” gags, with my personal favorite being the “Mystery Murder Dinner.” This episode is also noteworthy for being the debut of Mary Jo Pehl as Dr. Forrester’s mother, Pearl. Mary Jo of course would reprise the character in the seventh season before becoming the head Mad during the Sci-Fi era. It’s hard for us to predict that future based on her appearance here, because mostly her role is ignoring her son in favor of Frank. If they ever intended on bringing her back at the time, it’s not evident. The best gag involving her appearance in the episode actually bounces up to the Satellite of Love, where Dr. F gives the crew scripts to put on a presentation for her, and their reads are absolutely hilarious.

Bloodlust is a well rounded episode that never slows down and is virtually flawless. It’s a wonderful experiment that never seems to get it’s due, and I’d daresay it’s one of the best of the series.

Episode Rating: Classic

The DVD

Bloodlust was released on Volume 1 of Rhino’s collection. Audio and video are both swell, and the unriffed feature is included as a special feature. The full screen print on this one is pretty worn, with lots of scratches and audio pops. The print used on the show was in better shape. There’s also a trailer for the film as well.

Shout Factory re-released this volume many years later, with inferior video. The uncut film is excluded from the extras, however the trailer remains. All things considered, the Rhino disc is the one to have in your collection.

Next Time: STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY tuned...

[Torgo]

806-The Undead

The Movie

Roger Corman, master of the budget, returns to direct this strange fantasy film about a prostitute sent back in time by a psychic to learn about her past lives. She finds herself in medieval times as a woman suspected of being a witch accidentally steers herself from her path of execution. However she must right her fate in order to return history to order.

Time travel mixed with knights, witchcraft, imps, and Satan himself is nothing if not interesting. The story isn’t bad, lacking in logic but well intentioned, but mostly gets a bit mucked up by being a Roger Corman film. That means even if the script was whipped into shape, there wouldn’t have been any shaking the production value, which comes off as a high school play and not an actual movie.

Despite the virtues of the idea behind the movie, there’s clearly not much of an intention to be anything special here. Actresses are cast for how their bountiful bosoms look in tight costumes while the male actors ham it up like crazy. The Undead is a bad movie, it’s just a good bad movie, if that makes sense. Corman enthusiasts will definitely want to check it out, and those who don’t gag on cheapies like this will definitely get their money’s worth.

Movie Rating: 6/10

The Episode

The first movie of the Sci-Fi era to NOT be made by Universal International, instead changing it up to American International for the next four flicks, The Undead is both a healthy change of pace and a bit jarring. Watching in context of the season progression, the lower production values of this movie take some getting used to compared to what came before while the mostly monotonous movie selection of black and white genre pictures gets a bit frustrating. The Undead plays much better as a standalone episode, in which both the film and the riffing shine a bit brighter.

The movie takes itself far less seriously than the larger productions that we have seen so far from season eight, and Mike and the bots take flight with the goofiness of everything going on. There’s a certain attempt at flavor enhancement being done, because the movie is pretty funny on its own, while the SOL crew just bring it to the surface a bit more. The riffing is often very funny, because the movie gives the show everything it needs to work with. In some ways the film and series are a dream combo, and one can definitely gain a sense of love at first sight. It’s a hooker flung back in time dealing with witches, little people in goofy costumes, and the devil! What’s not to make fun of?

The host segments continue the story arc of Pearl and Bobo being the prisoners of the Observers, this week having the Observers test the intellect of their guinea pigs, to which Tom Servo puts up a near perfect score (“I just test well!”), which makes him even smarter than Bill Corbett’s Observer (AKA our future Brain Guy), and Servo is invited to be an Observer himself. There’s some fun, if lengthy, host segments this time around, including a visit from the Livia the witch and a record album by the movie’s musical gravedigger. The episode ends on probably one of the more infamous host segments of the series, a lengthy number in which Bobo makes a sandwich out of an Observer brain. Many claim it to be one of the worst host segments of the series, calling it labored and obvious, I find myself a bit softer on it. It’s cute, though I’ll admit not particularly funny.

Overall I’d say this is a pretty good episode with a lot to like about it. There’re some portions that show off of just how perfect a movie and riffing can get along at times, but mostly it’s an episode that gets drowned out by episodes that are just plain better. But it’s definitely one to see.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

This episode was released on Shout Factory’s Volume XXXIV set, with great audio but slightly, but barely noticeable, video flaws. The only special feature is a trailer for the film.

Next Time: Man evolved from Tang!

[Torgo]

During the last few weeks I stockpiled reviews for a giant eleventh season premiere date celebration! But I only got four...and three wound up being from season one...epic fail.

At any rate, here they are in all their glory. So today I proudly present the...

NEXT SUNDAY A.D. IS HERE FILM FESTIVAL!

[Torgo]

104-Women of the Prehistoric Planet

The Movie

Whew boy, you know you’re in trouble when you’re watching a sci-fi movie and the special effects look about as cutting edge as the host segments of the MST episode you’re watching it on.

This cheapie, obviously filmed on stock sets and as fast as possible, tells the tale of space voyagers who crash land on a prehistoric planet (natch) due to a mutiny led by lower class crew, the Centaurians. Others from their fleet search for them, but along the way a Centaurian woman falls in love with a doofus caveman named Tang.

Elephant in the room: In spite of the title, there aren’t many women on this prehistoric planet. It’s clear that the title is more or less just an attempt to sell tickets to people who want to see beauties in animal skin bikinis, and while our main actress doesn’t look too bad in her skimpy outfit, there aren’t many female forms to be gawked at here, and none of them are exactly native to this prehistoric planet anyway. But then again “Tang of the Prehistoric Planet” probably didn’t work well with focus groups.

What DOES the movie have? A half-assed message about racism, maybe? The movie is very blunt with its social commentary, to the point that Rod Serling himself would just go “My god, stop being so damn preachy!” The film’s superior race is played by a bunch of whiteys, who act smug while making snide comments about how much Centaurians suck. The Centaurians are played by Asian actors, and they stand there and take it because they aren’t the almighty Caucasian. The film of course feels like a commentary on the United States’ tendency to separate races and put white people on the top in the mid 20th century. It’s a noble message to make, but the film’s presentation is way too on the nose.

It leads up to a twist ending that’s not too surprising nor that clever. All that in mind one might make the claim that Women of the Prehistoric Planet was trying to be an ambitious sci-fi hampered by budget. I’m forced to disagree with that. The screenplay lacks heart and what little charm the film has comes from its low budget. Good for a laugh, but not one to admire in any shape or form.

Movie Rating: 3/10

The Episode

One thing to be made clear, despite the episode’s production number, this is the finale of the first season. Certain MSTies still count it as the “fourth” episode of the season, but I absolutely cannot abide by that when it so obviously isn’t. It features an opening segment immediately after the opening credits as well references a contest that was announced latter in the season. Now, WHY does it have this production number? No clue. And I don’t care. It’s not episode four, and it’s as simple as that.

As such, this is Josh Weinstein’s final episode on the cast, and the last we see of Mad Dr. Erhardt. Leaving so early on in the show’s run pretty much doom’s Josh to being something of an obscurity on the show. When you ask someone to imagine Tom Servo, chances are they’ll think of Kevin Murphy’s interpretation of the character (we’ll see if Baron Vaughn gives him a run for his money in future seasons), and if you asked fans to rank their favorite riffers on the series those who even remember to include Josh will most likely put him last.

That said, as time went on Josh has had something of a reevaluation in the MST community, largely thanks to Cinematic Titanic. His contributions in the KTMA season are immeasurable, leading the charge in improvisational riffs. The more even pace of the scripted first season may have proved to be a bit of a downfall for him, as Trace’s delivery slowly became the highlight of each episode. That’s not to say that Josh doesn’t earn a spot on MST’s Mount Rushmore. It’s a bit unfair to judge him based on what is seen here, because the series hadn’t grown into its own yet. One can’t help but ponder how Josh would have evolved had he stuck with the show. Cinematic Titanic was a glimpse into the Josh we might have had.

Women of the Prehistoric Planet isn’t a grand last hurrah for the veteran performer’s retirement. The movie is pretty funny on its own, but ultimately Joel and the bots fail to really give the film any sort of enhancement and I find that what laughs I’m getting from this episode really just come from the stupid movie. Take the comic relief character for example. He’s less funny than the movie thinks he is and the crew wastes no time in pointing it out. However their best ammo at the man is simply them screaming “SHUT UP!” at the screen. It’s just not a very strong riff, and it’s repeated several times. The best that comes of it is when Joel gets up from his seat and tries to physically shut his mouth. Ultimately this proves to be a metaphor for the rest of the episode, as a lot of the riffing tends to be a bit generic with small bright spots, while the movie itself tends to be funnier.

On the host segment side, we have an episode arc featuring a doomsday machine created by Isaac Asimov, and Joel and the bots try and defuse it. Each host segment feels pretty much the same as the last, so I find myself with not a lot to say about it. It’s mildly amusing at first, but gets tiresome as it goes on. The Invention Exchange barely qualifies as an Invention Exchange, even though Dr. Erhardt’s song is pretty damn funny. Joel’s toilet paper in a bottle is a dud, though.

Women of the Prehistoric Planet brings this early era of MST to a close with a bit of a whimper. It’s not the best remembered era of MST to begin with, so most would consider it unimportant that it isn’t all that memorable itself. But I do feel Josh deserved a better send off than this.

Episode Rating: Average

The DVD

Rhino’s second and final release of a first season episode came in Volume 9. Video and audio were pretty super, like all the first season releases so far.

There’s also an introduction by the lovely Irene Tsu, who plays Linda in the film (and spends most of it in a short blue skirt). She shares entertaining stories about the making of this particular film, as well as a glimpse at her career, working with greats like Elvis Presley, John Wayne, and Jeff Bridges!

Next Time: GO CALYPSO GO!

[Torgo]

112-Untamed Youth

The Movie

Staring Mamie Van Doren, Lori Nelson, Mamie Van Doren’s breasts, Eddie Cochran, and Mamie Van Doren’s bum, this troubled youth, “adults don’t get me OR my music!” demographic flick aint gonna make no cottonpicker out of me! Untamed Youth is a tale of how work will kill you, while being a vagrant and believing in nothing but partying and rock ‘n’ roll will make you rich and famous!

Van Doren and Nelson play sisters who are caught skinny dipping and are sentenced to labor on a cottonpicking farm. Of course they’ll be fine, because they’re Caucasian (“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ::dodges tomato:: ). But this farm is filled with youthful labor, overworked and undernourished. When their conditions start becoming fatal, the march is on to expose the labor for what it really is.

Meanwhile, Mamie becomes a famous singer! GO CALYPSO GO!

I’m kind of soft on this movie, and I mostly give it a pass by the skin of its teeth. It’s fairly silly and dim, but it’s never dull. It’s kept lively by a bunch of toe-tapping musical numbers by Mamie Van Doren and Eddie Cochran. And it’s not that they’re great songs either (they aren’t), as a lot of them are inane and repetitive, they’re just catchy. It gives the movie a groove that’s hard to pass up. As such, while the movie isn’t fairly interesting in of itself, it can maintain your attention span. That’s no easy feat.

But it’s not that good of a movie. That much can be recognized. It’s a “world ends at 16, and we know everything there is to know” kind of movie. Movies like this are rarely ever good. Some are just more enjoyable than most.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

My opinion of a lot of these later season one episodes certainly seems to be that the movie does a lot of the heavy lifting, while some sparse and off-target riffing doesn’t really match the amusement factor of just watching the movie by itself. Untamed Youth certainly seems like it would be another in that line, but the riffing is actually pretty good here. After an onslaught of sci-fi films, the energy of this dramatic musical gives the riffers a shot of adrenaline. They’re a bit more energized by this movie and their wit becomes a bit sharper as a result. Watching this episode makes me hungry for more juvenile delinquent dramas and/or musicals, and the show was definitely not short on them.

Host segments are mostly kind of useless lumps. I admit being really perplexed by the flashback presentation of the second segment, in which Joel tries to “look” into Gypsy’s brain (which is of course made up of Richard Basehart and RAM chips). The Greg Brady presentation is a mildly amusing prolonging of a decent running gag, while the cotton segment is just weird. I like the Never-Light Pipe in the Invention Exchange though, while the tongue puppet kinda sucks.

Poopie!: In the third segment, Gypsy loses her lip while a Servo puppet loses a hand.

Like a lot of season one episodes, Untamed Youth could have probably been a better episode later on in the series when they were more skilled at their art. But you have to start somewhere, and as it is it’s a funny and entertaining episode. I get a kick out of this one.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

Get ready to Go Calypso with Shout Factory’s Volume XXIX set. Video and audio are very good, while quite a few bonuses help make the disc a worthwhile purchase.

First up is an introduction by Joel, which isn’t very extensive. He discusses how the film’s genre helped open a gateway for the series, but doesn’t much talk about the episode itself. Talking about her career is an interview with star Mamie Van Doren, who discusses how she got her start in Hollywood and her love for Untamed Youth. There’s also a trailer for the movie.

Unrelated to the episode or film, we have a bonus about Joel’s project Riffing Myself, which was a live one-man-show Joel performed that is based on his own life. It gets me interested in seeing the show, but I never had the pleasure.

Next Time: “He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature... and because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can't be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection... they find only death... fire... loss... disillusionment... the end of everything that's gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can't be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.”

[Torgo]

311-It Conquered the World (With Short: “Snow Thrills”)

The Short

The movie going public will THRILL to seeing sporting events in any form, because we’re too fat and lazy to do it on our own!

Before television was a thing, audiences had very limited ways of following sports. You had to see it live in order to see it in practice, otherwise you had to listen to it over the radio or read about it in the paper the next day. Shorts like Snow Thrills were meant as a means of small glimpses to things that were difficult to see in certain parts of the country. Snow Thrills gives us a look at the wonders of snow sports, and why you should spend your vacation at a ski lodge this winter and risk a broken leg.

Nowadays when it’s easy to watch the Winter Olympics every four years, Snow Thrills doesn’t seem all that special, but back then it was something fun. It wasn’t something you saw every day, or even COULD see every year. The stunts are cool, and audiences enjoyed them. Snow Thrills serves its purpose.

The Movie

It Conquered the World features an MST all-star cast, made up of veterans we’d see time and again on the series: Peter Graves (SST- Death Flight, Beginning of the End, Parts: The Clonus Horror), Beverly Garland (Swamp Diamonds, Gunslinger), and Lee Van Cleef (Master Ninja I, Master Ninja II). They all unite under the guidance of one of the most celebrated B-movie makers of all time, Roger Corman, who directed quite a few features on the series as well (Swamp Diamonds and Gunslinger both with Garland, and also Teenage Caveman, The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent, and The Undead). In addition to this, Corman also produced quite a few films featured on the series that he didn’t direct as well (Being from Outer Space, Attack of the Giant Leeches, High School Big Shot, Night of the Blood Beast, and Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell).

This is the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon of MST, you guys.

It Conquered the World is a kinda Invasion of the Body Snatchers clone, at least it would be if Invasion had a giant rubber space vegetable squatting around. This silly looking alien takes over the world by sending out pancake bats to bite the citizens of Earth and control them via mind control. Peter Graves defies the monster and dodges the attacks, while Beverly Garland begs her mind-controlled husband, Lee Van Cleef, to stop this madness.

For Roger Corman, It Conquered the World actually isn’t too bad. It’s cheap (is there any other kind of Corman) and it’s dumb (I repeat), but it’s brisk, entertaining, and you could get a laugh or two. Reportedly when Beverly Garland first saw the titular “It” that “Conquered the World” she laughed in disbelief and kicked it over. THAT’S the film we’re watching, folks. A movie where even the actor don’t believe it and find it hilarious.

It can even be mildly engaging in spots as well. Peter Graves not knowing who to trust brings a modest amount of suspense to the picture, and it leads to a somewhat strong scene in which he confronts his wife, who in being controlled by the alien creature. For a cheapie like this any source of emotional investment, albeit light, is an epic win. Keeping all this in mind, It Conquered the World is a bad movie on the technicality that it’s pretty crappy. But it’s a good crappy.

Movie Rating: 7/10

The Episode

A lot of the charm of this particular episode has to do with the movie selected. It Conquered the World is somewhat iconic in the bad movie circuit, at the very least for the evil alien the film presents (once you see it you’ll never forget it). The movie is pretty funny on its own, and Joel and the bots could coast this episode and it could honestly still be pretty good. Luckily they give it their A-game. Laughs come from the movie and the theater seats in this one, and it’s easy to just sit back and let the giggles take you. The crew gets a lot of mileage out of playing with “Corman Logic” especially, with one point late in the game featuring Peter Graves shooting first and asking questions later prompting Joel to respond “Um…you WERE all bad guys, right?”

Snow Thrills is also a successful venture. The short is very visual, which means there is a lot for our crew to play with. When they’re not mocking the sports, they take aim at the narrator, and especially get mileage out of his proper pronunciation of the word “ski,” which is supposed to be pronounced “shee” (“You’re full of skit,” Joel responds, the foul-mouthed bastard). This leads to a lot of fun with the phrase “ski jorring” (pronounced “she-whoring”)

The host segments are mostly forgettable, with top prize being the solid skit where Servo narrates a Snow Thrills parody. There’s an intentionally off-key song that doesn’t really rank among the series’ best, however that particular segment does include a fourth wall “wink-wink” where Servo questions the direction of the skit and Joel whispers to him that the movie is running short, so they need to pad the episode out. Lackluster segments include a Servo and Crow bicker session and Joel trying to use Crow as a ventriloquism puppet named Peanut (and if this episode weren’t from the early 90’s, I would have sworn the “puppet named Peanut” was a reference to comedian Jeff Dunham). The episode closes out with Peter Graves final speech being repeated over and over again, which is one of those gags which is funny at first, grows tiresome, then becomes funny again because of how long it goes on. Invention Exchange involved a hanging man’s noose Halloween costume and the Sony Sea-man.

It Conquered the World and MST are something of a match made in heaven. While I don’t feel the episode really reaches the heights of classic status, this one is definitely a must see.

Episode Rating: Good

The DVD

While It Conquered the World isn’t on DVD yet (MST version or not, THANKS SUSAN HART!), Snow Thrills was featured as a bonus feature on Volume XXIV, on the Sword and the Dragon disc, respectively.

Next Time: Bird’s the Word…

[Torgo]

106-The Crawling Hand

The Movie

*I HAVE SURVIVED WATCHING THIS MOVIE UNRIFFED*

As if a Crawling Eye wasn’t enough, we had to have a Hand too? Apparently so, as a diseased astronaut returns to Earth in a fiery explosion in which his arm “survives” and comes back to life. The living hand begins to murder people and possesses a boy named Paul into killing as well.

Star power is regulated to a pre-Gilligan’s Island Alan Hale Jr, and The Crawling Hand is arguably his least embarrassing feature on MST (which includes Angel’s Revenge and The Giant Spider Invasion). The Crawling Hand is mostly a par outing for a B-monster movie. It has an under-explained storyline that makes little sense but is selling itself based solely on the concept of a killer hand from outer space. Even still, the movie might be somewhat aware that its antagonist is a little weak with its sluggish pace and changes things up by possessing the protagonist of the movie as well.

The movie is never dull, though it’s never engaging. You may question its sanity (Paul sees a severed arm on the beach and wants to keep it?), though let’s not short change it simplicity. It’s a B-movie that exists, and if you watch B-movies you’ll want to watch it at least once.

Movie Rating: 5/10

The Episode

No Commando Cody this week? Thank god. But make a mental note that you’re going to stare at those ugly as hell green theater seats another week and you should be good. Probably like a lot of people who were mostly familiar with the Sci-Fi run of the series, my first subjection to the Comedy Central episodes were the Rhino VHS tapes. That also meant that the first episode from the Josh seasons I ever watched was The Crawling Hand, because it was the only first season episode released until the Volume 8 DVDs gave us Women of the Prehistoric Planet. It was a lot to take in. The vibe was far less energetic and the one constant of the series, Kevin Murphy, wasn’t present. Add that in to the eyesore green theater seats, which I couldn’t fathom at the time, this was a pretty rough episode for me. Later I found myself warming up to it a bit, and season one in general, but these green seats really should not be your first impression of the early years.

By first season standards, The Crawling Hand is fairly above average. Riffs grow a bit monotonous, with Gilligan’s Island references whenever Alan Hale walks onscreen while hand puns are neverending. The episode is good at getting the viewer to bark a laugh at random corners, though it mostly is slow going.

Host segments run weak. A lot of them are variations on hand themes, obviously due to the movie selection. There’s a strange William Shatner imitation segment where the crew are strangled by fake hands and a later one where Crow complains the hand isn’t scary enough. There’s also segments that aren’t movie related that feature emphasis on hands, with Joel trying to play games but Crow and Servo unable to because of their lackluster appendages. Even the Invention Exchange is hand related, with the Safety Saw (which is more of a practical joke than an invention) and a Limb Lengthener.

The Crawling Hand works well enough as a first season episode, but doesn’t really stand out from the crowd. It’s worth a watch if you have a soft spot for the season, but otherwise it blends in with it.

Episode Rating: Average

The DVD

One of the few first season episodes Rhino had released, the Crawling Hand was released by itself as a single disc. Picture is pretty solid, as well as the sound, with every word of “Bird’s the Word” coming in loud and clear.

The primary special feature of the release is a full uncut version of the movie, which seems to be a slightly better print than the one used in the episode. The Crawling Hand, while not necessarily good, isn’t painful to watch, making it an amusing watch, particularly if you want to reriff the film yourself. The film is in full screen (the trailer shows it off in widescreen, so I’m doubtful that it’s the original aspect ratio) and the picture is full of artifacts, but otherwise is fine. Sound is pretty solid, though.

The second feature is a trailer for the film, which is surprisingly better shape than the movie. Is there someone out there that performs restoration work on trailers? If so, good job.

Next Time: Rock climbing.

[Torgo]

I'm having laptop woes at the moment. While updating this thread isn't impossible, it's fairly impractical. I'll give it my best shot, but don't be surprised if updating is sparse.

[Torgo]

Four months later and I still find myself without a computer, though I do desire to get back to my little project. These past few months have re-energized me to an extent and I am looking into other avenues of posting material.

Lost Continent is next, if all goes well. Revival reviews are on their way, but from what I have planned out so far, the first one is still quite a ways away. I'm excited to dig in and dissect these new episodes, so I'm sure the wait will be worth it!

Once I get up and running again, I have plans for working beyond. I'd love to do Rifftrax, Cinematic Titanic, and Film Crew. Right now those plans are just early stages and I'm mostly concentrating on MST, but we'll see where time takes us.