My proudest high school moment

[emperordorkin]

High school was a never-ending nightmare for my blissfully odd but very senstive & fragile 90-pound weakling self.

11th grade, in particular, was without question, the worst year of my life. I had no friends, job, driver's license, money, or life in general. I was in the midst of eking out a hellish "senior project" that would continue long into the summer. My grades were painfully crappy, and summer school loomed on the horizon. I had absolutely no one to turn to, my family offered no support and just assumed I was "slacking off", despite my frequent talks of seriously committing suicide. Yet I still clung to the hope that things would somehow someday improve...and one day, I finally went completely batpoopie.

It was a hot overcast Friday afternoon, and I was sitting in math class, which I was on the verge of failing yet again. We had a substitute teacher, who gave up trying to teach the lesson of the day, and the class was talking, laughing, and generally doing whatever they pleased. I was in my seat, my mind racing with a calvacade of emotions and nutty thoughts. I just wanted to be anywhere but in this class.

I robotically reached my pocket, felt something (no not THAT), and pulled out a packet of unopened cream cheese, left over from lunch. Why I saved this, I had no idea. I read the label and ingrediants over and over. I started to become delusional. My vision blurred. Then, I completely lost my mind.

I ripped open the packet, gobbed some cream cheese on my hand, and smeared it all over my face. The people around me stopped and stared as I covered nearly every square inch of my face with the cheese. As the class became dead silent and stared gape-mouthed at my actions, I applied more and more warm globs of cheese under both my armpits and my bare chest, my creamy face mask falling off in chunks, as I softly but maniacally gigged like Richard Widmark in "Kiss Of Death".

Suddenly, entire chaos broke out, as the class screamed in disgust and fear. I was suddenly rushed by a mob of some of the class's biggest chunkheads, plucked out of my seat, and shoved toward the front of the room, nearly tearing my long twig-like limbs out of the sockets. The teacher, an elderly woman, was on the verge of having a stroke after what she saw. Scared out of her wits, she scribbled out a hall pass and sputtered "Go to the nurse's office! Right now! NO NO NO! The GUIDANCE office!" The pass was shoved in my cheesy hands, as the chunkhead ringleader shouted "He's a PERVERT, too! He be talkin bout SEX and stuff!"

I was then kicked and pushed toward the open door, hauled up into the air, and literally thrown out of the classroom. I flew right across the hallway, landed head-first into the lockers, and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, as the door slammed behind me. I laid there for about 5 minutes in a dizzy daze, still holding the hall pass, not sure if what just happened was real or a dream.

I finally gathered up my senses, and limped downstairs to the guidance counselor's office. After taking one look at me, she said sweetly "Aw, were you in a food fight?". In a deadpan tone, I replied "No. Actually, I smeared cream cheese all over myself." She stared blankly at me, excused herself from the room, and returned with Mr. Foster, who was the school's "discipline dean". He looked me up and down, then said "Come on. We're going to ISS." (in-school suspension). I croaked out "WHAT?!". He quickly said "No no no. Just to clean yourself up. Let's go."

Clean myself up? There was a bathroom right next door, but I was no position to argue, so I followed him to the ISS room, and he pointed out a water fountain. "Wash yourself off in that." he said without blinking. This was too weird, but I did as he told, as the curious detention and in-school suspension prisoners gawked in befuddlement, especially when Mr. Foster said "You missed a spot behind your ear!".

After I washed most of the goop off of me, I was expecting the worst. But he simply said "Go to your next class. Go." I thanked him for his time and ran away, before he changed his mind. It was one very odd day. I was scared sh*tless to go to math class the next day. But...NOBODY mentioned it. Ever again. Nobody even looked at me funny as I walked in the door. In fact, nobody in the single damn school ever mentioned it...at least when I was around. Eventually, my class did proceed to rag on and pick on me over various things again...but the cream cheese debacle was never brought up. Was it brain-washed out of them? Were they just too scared to bring it up? I will never know...

Over 5 years later, the thought of it still brings a smile to my face, and will forever remain my proudest high school moment.

[nightfalcawk]

Though it's not as great as your's, my proudest moment was when some kid knocked my lunch down after I had finish an especially arduous day after the first semester. Then when I went to try and calm down, I found only hate and loneliness inside me. Then I screamed at the top of my lungs and threw the ketchuppy lunch tray in the guys stomach and the yelled "What, in mother fuc*ing hell is wrong with you sh*t-heads?!" and ran from the room. They stopped sh*tting with me for a week before they came back (worse than ever.)

[yousonuva]

Ok, this is pretty weird. Not your story, though. My story is just so strangley simliar to yours, it is weird to hear you tell it.

In 9th grade we had a substitute teacher...for math. Get where I say it's weird? Hold on there's more. Well this sub was the sweetest old guy and as soon as the class started, everyone did their own thing. I was hanging out with this Top Gun wanna-be guy by the opened window, who was pretty cool (but the type of guy who watches a movie, then tells you line for line the script). So anyway he dropped his note book just outside the window, where rests a roof with gravel on top. He then says "If I throw this way out there, I dare you to go on the roof to get it.". I, in my wilder days say "Dah, ok.". So he throws it waaay out onto the roof and I tell the sub, "Mr. whatever, I accidentaly dropped my note book, can I go get it?". He just sweetly nods and I go onto the roof....but decide to be an ass as I start running around out there flappin my arms like a jerk off. There also happens to be an adjacent classroom next to ours so after I caused a commotion with my math class, the bell rings and the kids from the next class all come out to find out who it was on the roof, being amused by my childish antics.

The next day, the real math teacher confronted me in the hallway, very angerly and said I got the sub in trouble and that I got 3 ISSes. I felt bad for the old guy.
weird, huh?

[nightfalcawk]

yousonuva said:

Ok, this is pretty weird. Not your story, though. My story is just so strangley simliar to yours, it is weird to hear you tell it.

In 9th grade we had a substitute teacher...for math. Get where I say it's weird? Hold on there's more. Well this sub was the sweetest old guy and as soon as the class started, everyone did their own thing. I was hanging out with this Top Gun wanna-be guy by the opened window, who was pretty cool (but the type of guy who watches a movie, then tells you line for line the script). So anyway he dropped his note book just outside the window, where rests a roof with gravel on top. He then says "If I throw this way out there, I dare you to go on the roof to get it.". I, in my wilder days say "Dah, ok.". So he throws it waaay out onto the roof and I tell the sub, "Mr. whatever, I accidentaly dropped my note book, can I go get it?". He just sweetly nods and I go onto the roof....but decide to be an ass as I start running around out there flappin my arms like a jerk off. There also happens to be an adjacent classroom next to ours so after I caused a commotion with my math class, the bell rings and the kids from the next class all come out to find out who it was on the roof, being amused by my childish antics.

The next day, the real math teacher confronted me in the hallway, very angerly and said I got the sub in trouble and that I got 3 ISSes. I felt bad for the old guy.
weird, huh?

Heh, I did that before. In my dad's school. With out the flapping. And everyone around. One time, in 6th grade, when I was visiting my dad's school, I made fake vomit (oatmeal and a lot of milk) and threw it out the window on some guys car. I actually got to see the reaction of the guy. He was pretty pissed. My dad never found out though. It was so hilarious listening to the random guy cursing and complaining about what some punk did to his car. It washes right off though. And I didn't get any on his windsheild.

[Ator]

High School is really tough for everyone who "didn't fit in". It's too bad that it has to be that way, but unfortunately, it doesn't get that much better. Sure, you don't get the de-pantsing, or the stuffed-in-the-locker, or the steal-your-lunch, but most of the people are still fairly immature. My advice for the butt-ends of the jokes? Let them do their thing. You all will go on to bigger and better things, and the bullies will stay in their immature little world, blaming other people for their problems, and buying drugs, and getting drunk, and going to jail.

[MonsterX]

Ator said:

High School is really tough for everyone who "didn't fit in". It's too bad that it has to be that way, but unfortunately, it doesn't get that much better. Sure, you don't get the de-pantsing, or the stuffed-in-the-locker, or the steal-your-lunch, but most of the people are still fairly immature. My advice for the butt-ends of the jokes? Let them do their thing. You all will go on to bigger and better things, and the bullies will stay in their immature little world, blaming other people for their problems, and buying drugs, and getting drunk, and going to jail.

I’d like to second that. I used to get picked on a lot in school. (Jr. High was the worst! High School wasn’t as bad.) Now that I’m a little older, I actually feel bad for the kids that used to pick on me – most of them grew up and got into a lot of trouble. Hard drugs, jail and some of them are even dead.

Bullies usually come from dysfunctional families and have a very difficult time relating to other children because their parents didn’t give them enough attention when they were younger. Fortunately for the rest of us, the real world and high school are 2 different places. People who don’t learn this lesson seem to get left behind.

You cant give someone a wedgie in the middle of a board meeting.

[marytrobot]

i hated nearly everyon e in my old school so I did my very best to make myself invisable, which is easier when you have a uniform. When I first moved there I was like some sorta new entertainment for the "preps" (we made 3 groups, preps, perfects and rejects) After about two months of it i got sick of their back stabbing, and need to keep up some sorta image and joined the rejects. Ok so it wasn't much better, but as long as i didn't confine in anyone my thoughts that could be used against me i was fine. My rule make them trust you and they'll tell you everything, don't tell them a thing cause they'll try the same thing the day they get sick of you. i was shamefully a leach, but i was good at it. Now I'm much more myself.
And I don't quite agree with you Ator, certainly the real jerks of school will never change, but there are some good people out there, and things can change for the better. Things have gotten allot better for me, and i think they'll be even better once I get out of the land of SD.
But wait I'm talking to a military, you don't like the "Civilians" right?

[Ator]

MaryTRobot said:

But wait I'm talking to a military, you don't like the "Civilians" right?

Nah, you civilians are alright. SOME of you . But I kid.

Definitely, some people change for the better. But, for the most part, they stay mediocre.

I guess I was lucky in High School, because, even though I wasn't in any "group", I got along with everyone. I had my friends in band, my friends i'd play hacky sack with, and my friends who i'd hang out with when not in school. I don't even remember having any "enemies" by the time I was a senior.

[CherokeeJack]

I was a rebel... sorta. Teachers had places after school where students couldn't walk (like on certain sidewalks or out through a certain way to leave school, you could only leave through paticular areas). I constantly said f*ck it and walked there and left school through those doors. Man did they get pissed off and for what? I almost got expelled. Crazy control freaks.

[marytrobot]

Forgot to put in my proudest moment. The day i got out of there! I remember I rode in my friends car i told her to drive around the school, where I proceeded to flip it off and shout out every inventive insult i could. I never had a happier moment in my life.

[Buddhist Kitten]

On the subject. . .
You would not believe how anus-y these Oedipuses and Electras are!! (I refuse to curse in my rage) It's not like I don't exactly 'fit in', I just have my mid-size group of friends who, unlike evryone else, are not well known aroung the school and are virgins. My friend who does not fit in at all in lunch was really getting upset, crying and everything, and these two chiennes kept on bringing stuff up that they really shouldn't have, and I was telling them to stop; my other friend was telling them to stop, but they just kept on going and going and going. . . . And then I had to take the late bus home, because we had a little post-public speaking party. (I got second place out of all the seventh graders, even though there was only four) The high schoolers came on, and they kept on irking the bus driver, calling her names and cursing at her. They were really anus-y, had no morals or anything, cursing up a storm. And then some people got into a fight over someone calling someone's sister a Nazi, and again the bus driver told them to stop, but they just kept on going, something popular with Oedipuses and female dogs, and the police had to come and calm them down. I got home and 4:20, way later than usual, because of male testosterone.
Um. . . sorry, just had to get that off of my chest. You know the pain I am going through, right?

[vanhagar3000]

Geeze, everyone on this board seems like they are losers, but look at me, I'm posting here on a Friday Night.

Me, I'm not a loser and really everyone in the school finds me funny but a little too out there. I make way too many obscure references, I remember when we had to do some little playlet, there was one group that was extremely awful and I shouted out 'Holy poopie, is Ed Wood directing you guys'. The class went into a confused silence including the teacher who apperantly completly forgot about the cursing and was trying to figure out who Ed Wood was.

Anyway my greatest moment will mean nothing to anyone who wasn't there. The entire ninth grade was forced to a mock convention. I'll try to explain the best I can but you really had to be there. The two social science teachers were there and one was a dickhole SOB that no one liked and intimidated everyone and the other one was a nicer younger teacher.

Let me tell it was the day before Thanksgiving break and in Minnesota we have a pointless one day week. Everyone was anxious to get out, but everyone was bored out of their minds because of the convention that if they didn't go to would have a book (I mean bigger than the ACEG) of work to do. Everyone represented a state, I had Florida. We got some extra credit if we said something about our state. So I got up and said the state of Florida looks like a penis in front of the entire ninth grade.

The place went nearly silent, there were a couple of chuckles but everyone got blindsided by this, we were going through fifty states, and Florida is about 28 so it was boring for about five minutes. No one saw it coming. One of the people laughing was the nicer teacher, but the SOB had no idea what was coming. He asked what had happened, and the nicer teacher told him what I said.

To say the least, he was pissed. By this time the entire place went nuts and was chanting my name. I left to have a conversation with the dillhole teacher, he blabbed to me for fifteen minutes until he told me to go back and apologize. From what I've heard the place went wild and kept wild until just before I came back, some people said a riot was about to break out just from the excitement.

When I came back, whether it was an truly accidental slip up or my egotistical self concious that made me do it I said in a sarcastic bullhorn voice "I apologize for stating that the peninsula of Florida looked like a phallus". The place went nuts again and the dillhole teacher decided to give up and send me over to the assistant principal.

After that point I went from something of a mediocre place on the social ladder, to a place where I could do no wrong, and trust me I've done a lot of things to get people to hate me again, but they just don't seem to have the heart to completely turn on me again.

[Ator]

Van Hagar, that is the coolest story EVER. Bravo.

[BobJohnson]

VanHagar3000 said:

Geeze, everyone on this board seems like they are losers, but look at me, I'm posting here on a Friday Night.

Me, I'm not a loser and really everyone in the school finds me funny but a little too out there. I make way too many obscure references, I remember when we had to do some little playlet, there was one group that was extremely awful and I shouted out 'Holy poopie, is Ed Wood directing you guys'. The class went into a confused silence including the teacher who apperantly completly forgot about the cursing and was trying to figure out who Ed Wood was.

Anyway my greatest moment will mean nothing to anyone who wasn't there. The entire ninth grade was forced to a mock convention. I'll try to explain the best I can but you really had to be there. The two social science teachers were there and one was a dickhole SOB that no one liked and intimidated everyone and the other one was a nicer younger teacher.

Let me tell it was the day before Thanksgiving break and in Minnesota we have a pointless one day week. Everyone was anxious to get out, but everyone was bored out of their minds because of the convention that if they didn't go to would have a book (I mean bigger than the ACEG) of work to do. Everyone represented a state, I had Florida. We got some extra credit if we said something about our state. So I got up and said the state of Florida looks like a penis in front of the entire ninth grade.

The place went nearly silent, there were a couple of chuckles but everyone got blindsided by this, we were going through fifty states, and Florida is about 28 so it was boring for about five minutes. No one saw it coming. One of the people laughing was the nicer teacher, but the SOB had no idea what was coming. He asked what had happened, and the nicer teacher told him what I said.

To say the least, he was pissed. By this time the entire place went nuts and was chanting my name. I left to have a conversation with the dillhole teacher, he blabbed to me for fifteen minutes until he told me to go back and apologize. From what I've heard the place went wild and kept wild until just before I came back, some people said a riot was about to break out just from the excitement.

When I came back, whether it was an truly accidental slip up or my egotistical self concious that made me do it I said in a sarcastic bullhorn voice "I apologize for stating that the peninsula of Florida looked like a falice". The place went nuts again and the dillhole teacher decided to give up and send me over to the assistant principal.

After that point I went from something of a mediocre place on the social ladder, to a place where I could do no wrong, and trust me I've done a lot of things to get people to hate me again, but they just don't seem to have the heart to completely turn on me again.

I am a lot like you Hagar, I was a rebel who didn't like the school system. I was friends with all the social classes, I had football player friends, goth friends, peppy friends, and computer nerd friends.

My proudest High School moment happened in 11th grade when I was in Study Hall, These guys were talking by themselves and I was hearing some comments made about me. To keep the record straight, I am 150 pounds overweight so I was an easy target for insults. They started throwing crumpled up paper balls at me, the second one they did I turned my head and said "OK ladies", they got in their "burned" mode. They threw another paper ball and I said "I am not going to date you all", then, a girl, started yelling at the guys telling them to leave me alone. They were yelling, and at one point, they threatened to beat up the girl. I just sat back and laughed becuase they were fighting my battle. That folks, is my proudest moment in High School.

[Buddhist Kitten]

Van Hagar, you spelled 'phallus' wrong.