Riffing of "The Things People Want" - 1948

[LordKaT]

Hey all,

This is a short script I've come up with (time coded to the nearest second, it's not totally accurate, but it'll do). The "movies" I riff on are mostly short (~20 minutes or so) and are in the Public Domain. You can download them free of charge at archive.org's Prelinger Archive. I also do my best to avoid shorts done by MST3K; but, sometimes I feel I have a better/different take than what MST3K did, so I'll riff them anyways

How are you supposed to read my scripts? Well, it's really simple: download the aformentioned video from the Prelinger archive, and read along! Most of the riffs (90%) are supposed to be read as an addition to the existing dialog, but there are some (albeit, not many) which can be read as an additional narative. The Script can be read like this:

Type MM:SS - Riff

Type can be one of the following:
N - Narrative. Added on to the original narrative.
D - Dialog. Added on to the original dialog.
V - Voice over. It's about the movie, but doesn't carry over from the movies dialog or narrative; but, it doesn't outright abuse the movie or the people in it.
A - Abuse. This is when I get off track and just start abusing the people and the movie.

This one is a Jam Handy titled "The Things People Want"

Hrum, I like that. "A Jam Handy." Maybe I can use that to describe particularly bad training videos

Time codes are only in MM:SS format

V 00:24 - Woohoo! Upskirt shots!
N 00:41 - It's really a "master-slave" relationship.
N 00:50 - Religious cults, too.
N 01:01 - But in the Microsoft monopoly, you really don't need to worry about that.
N 01:05 - Renegade salesman.
N 01:14 - His biggest problem is his addiction to crack.
V 01:20 - He has a cheat sheet!
D 01:28 - I want you to spank me.
V 01:32 - This company must suck! They can't afford windows!
D 01:37 - And you havn't made one sale!
D 01:39 - Of course I'm right! I'm your boss!
A 02:05 - "Thougah," hah!
V 02:07 - It's about the money, damnit!
V 02:23 - Like chain smoking.
V 02:26 - Like chain smoking.
V 02:29 - Like alcoholism.
A 02:33 - On two legs - duh! (Zing!)
A 02:39 - Boy, I hope you don't sell vibrators!
N 02:47 - They don't hug them enough.
V 03:02 - Oh! He sells lots of them!
V 03:10 - How do you lose an electric razor?
D 03:21 - Oh, guess he doesn't want it.
A 03:32 - Twenty dollars?! Geeze, get a disposable!
A 04:07 - Aren't they supposed to teach you that in medical school?
D 04:27 - People with money.
A 04:33 - Could we center the graphics, please? Please?
A 04:49 - You might wanna rephrase that.
A 05:04 - You know, "make the old tightwad come" is a pretty bad phrase.
A 05:19 - Damn! He said that in one breath!
A 05:21 - Her friends? He wants some action!
D 05:31 - In my handy "occult worship for dummies" book!
A 05:40 - What the f*ck?
A 05:52 - Is that a guy burping in a monkies face?
N 05:56 - Find out what really turns them on.
A 06:07 - OK, that's just wrong.
V 06:25 - I wish I could draw like that.
V 06:55 - Since when do salesmen use gattling guns?
A 07:05 - Now that grin is just evil!
V 08:05 - Confused yet, Don?
D 08:14 - You're supposed to be taking over the world!
V 08:48 - Bah! Who cares?!
V 08:51 - Smoking is good for you!
A 08:54 - Don failed math class.
A 08:58 - Why am I such - Woah! Jump cut!
D 09:04 - I missed the 8 o'clock bus!
V 09:16 - Don's up to 12 packs a day.
A 09:41 - Oh! dialog!
D 09:46 - the f*ck?
D 09:48 - the hell?
D 09:56 - Oh, you again.
A 10:04 - You know, this guy is two seconds away from going on a killing spree.
A 10:57 - Hey! Watch where you put those hands, lady.
N 11:08 - Saftey from Michael Jackson. (Zing!)
N 11:42 - So we can bomb the crap out of people.
N 11:56 - Performance from Viagra.
N 12:16 - It keeps going, and going, and going ...
N 12:31 - Beauty in sheep, and various cattle.
N 12:45 - And shove it in your eye!
N 12:55 - Lung cancer!
N 13:19 - Heh, heh, heh - so young, so naive!
A 13:37 - Don, you're talking to yourself - stop it.
N 14:04 - While the others think you're on crack.
V 14:10 - I don't.
V 14:20 - Don, you're losing it, man.
A 14:52 - No! Pete! Not THAT!
D 15:03 - I'm Jewish.
A 15:13 - These jump cuts are starting to piss me off.
N 15:36 - Unfortunatly, it wasen't Pete.
V 15:50 - Pete's an entrapraneur!
A 16:50 - Damnit, Pete! Stop messing up!
V 17:15 - As opposed to fake furniture? What?
D 17:20 - Oh, it's very fine wood.
A 17:25 - She likes good looking hard wood.
A 17:47 - She likes good looking hard wood that performs. Pervert.
V 18:46 - Don't forget sex!
N 19:08 - This is radio "voice in your head" signing off.
V 19:15 - Yeah, but I didn't!
D 19:22 - Hey! Where's that music coming from?!

--LordKaT

[LordKaT]

Thanks! Yeah, I did put a lot of effort into it. I'm actually considering doing a show on Community access TV

--LordKaT

[Ator]

Where can I get the "short" for this riffing? I want to check this out.

[LordKaT]

Whoops! I thought I put that in there.

A general link to the archives really doesn't help heh...

Here it is

--LordKaT

[Ator]

Cool. Thanks! ;D

[LordKaT]

I've noticed that, while writing my first script for my community television show, that dialog riffs come much easier than other type of riffs.

Technical riffs, such as bad jump cuts, boom mics, etc ... are easy to come by. Other riffs, such as pop culture references, take a different type of perspective. That is, I've found that it is easier to not pay attention to the movie for 15 or 20 minutes, and then it's easier to make a cultural reference. If you watch it straight through, you tend to make riffs that go with the movie (i.e. narrative, dialog).

When my first episode is done, I'm deffenitally going to digitize it and let ya'll take it apart.

--LordKaT

[ash2]

I printed out the riffs and followed along as I watched the movie. I was highly entertained. Some very funny stuff. Your hard work has not gone to waste.


John