Post by GProopdog on Jun 4, 2007 19:06:52 GMT -5
Mystery Science Theater 3000 Challenge Series: Episode 1
(Cue opening theme song) (Note: Not sure if I’ll make lyrics up yet or not)
(We finally fade in too the house of Mike, Servo, and Crow, (the house they were in at the end of “Diabolik”.). The three of them are seated at a table, apparently in mid discussion).
Crow: I’m telling you, the original Planet of the Apes was so much better then the Tim Burton re-make…
Tom: I’m gonna have to disagree there Crow my boy….Tim Burton’s version had better special effects, more action….and Mark Wahlberg!
Crow: The very fact that you consider Mark Wahlberg a good actor pretty much negates your entire argument right there…
Mike: Hey everyone, welcome to the Sateli…. (A pause, he corrects himself) Well….welcome to our house on 223 Devo Lane….Now you’re all probably wondering to yourselves… “What gives Mike? You guys are out of the clutches of Pearl Forrester…why would you…”
Crow: (Crossly, to Mike) Uh….could you not interrupt us please Nelson?
Tom: (Crossly as well) Yes….we’re trying to have an intelligent conversation here….
Tom/Crow: Thank you….
Mike: (A pause, he continues in a lower voice) “Why would you continue to make fun of bad movies or scripts or things of that nature?” Well I’m here to tell you that, while yes, we are no longer on the SOL and being tormented by Pearl….the bots and I still have that itching to make wisecracks at bad movies….kinda appropriate as we were doing it for so long…right guys?
Crow: (A bit more annoyed now) Yeah….whatever….still in discussion….
Mike: …..So, what we proposed to do was have you, the viewers send us fics and movie scripts and what not to joke on….sort of a challenge series if you will….and today will be the first go at this very challenge….I sure as heck am ready….how about you guys?
Crow: (Now very annoyed) You know what Nelson….if you can’t keep quiet for two minutes while Servo and I have a good natured discussion….we’re just not going to include you in our talks ever….
Mike: ….You wouldn’t even let me discuss the Planet of the Apes movies in the first place…
Tom: Phhh, well anyone who thought “Beneath The Planet of the Apes” was the best movie of the series has no right to ever talk about it…
Crow: Phhh, yeah….totally….
Mike: (Shakes his head and sighs) Like I’m the family dog or something….whatever….we’ll be right back….
(Cue commercial break)
(Back from the commercial break, Crow, Tom, and Mike are standing by a computer, apparently waiting for something)
Tom: So the challenges are sent here through the computer…is that it?
Mike: That it is…. (A “You Got Mail” ding is heard) And here it is now….
(He clicks on something with his mouse, then slowly reads whatever is on the screen)
Mike: Ok…. This is from Jeff R. in Phoenix, Arizona, he says “To Mike, Crow, and Tom, I heard about your Challenge Series, and I couldn’t think of a better first script or fic for you guys to read then a zombie movie. It’s called “Age of the Dead”, and I felt it was right up your alley. If your up to the task, I sent it too you via e-mail. Good luck”
Crow: Sounds good to me…
Mike: All right Jeff from Phoenix, we are up to the challenge, ok fellas, let’s get into the next room with the bigger computer screen, and let’s get started….
(From there, Mike clicks download on the computer, and the trio head into the next room)
(6…..5…..4….3….2….1)
(Crow, Mike, and Tom settle down before the large screen computer monitor and watch as it boots up the story)
Crow: Sure is a change from the theatre isn’t it?
Mike: Got that right….at least the seats here don’t have gun on them….
Age of the Dead
Written By: Robby Henderson
(Tom: (Narrator voice) The Age of the Dead...A time when Keith Richards, Queen Elizabeth II, and Phyllis Diller are all still alive and well at the combined ages of over 500…)
INT-COLLAGE DORM-DAY-1
We see a collage boy named
Sam Reynolds and is Room
mate Aaron Redison playing
a video game.
SAM
Looks like I'm going to win this one... agian!
(Crow: Looks like we’ve stumbled upon another crappy fic….again!)
AARON
I don't think so!
Sam Reynolds is twenty
years old and is wearing
a red shirt and a pair of
black cargo shorts and a
yellow rubber braclet.
Aaron Redison is also
twenty years old and is
wearing a green i'm with stupid
shirt and a pair of blue jeans.
(Mike: “I’m With stupid”… Good to see he admits his short comings eh?)
SAM
I win!
(Crow: (As voice on video game) Congratulations! You’ve just won the “Vague Video Game 2000” Challenge!)
Sam's cell phone rings
SAM
Hello?
Its Sam's girl friend Hanna
HANNA O.S.
Eddie, turn your T.V. to the news.
SAM
Ok, love you, bye.
(Tom: Not much of a talker I see….
Mike: And sadly, it looks like he’s gonna be the hero of our tale…
Crow: Folks….get used to this person…he’s gonna be here awhile…)
Sam puts away his phone
and changes the T.V. to
the news.
REPORTER O.S
There has been a plage of zombies
and I'm not lieing. Its true, I suggest
that you seek shelter and stay there
until this epidimic ends. SEEK SHELTER AND STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
(Crow: Wow…..right out of the gate with the plot points huh?
Mike: And that reporter was quite skilled at giving the news, wasn’t he?
Tom: (As reporter) President John F. Kennedy has been shot…I am totally not making this up!)
Sam turns off the T.V.
AARON
Do you think thats true?
(Tom: (As Sam) Well obviously….since we’re in a story called “Age of the Dead” and all…)
SAM
Don't know, I hope not!
Aaron goes to the
window and looks out
of it.
AARON
Oh my flapjacksing god!
(Mike: (As Aaron) Carrot Top is giving a free concert outside!
Tom: (As Sam) I *love* Carrot Top! Let’s go!)
Aaron sees a zombie eating
a man on the ground.
Sam takes a look.
(Crow: And sees that it’s in a book….)
AARON
We need to get the hell out of here.
SAM
Right, lets go
Sam and Aaron pack some
supplies and head off.
(Mike: And knowing these guys…it’s probably cans of Cheese Whiz, a whoopee cushion, and all of the Star Trek movies on DVD…
Crow: I know….the Star Wars movies would *totally* be the better choice…idiots…
Mike: Right, I… Huh?
Crow: Never mind…)
INT-HALLWAY-LIGHT-2
AARON
We need weapons!
SAM
Your right.
Sam and Aaron walk
down the hallway and
see a zombie.
AARON
What do we do?
(Tom: (As Sam) All I know is I sure as heck am not letting it borrow any sugar…)
SAM
Don't know.
The zombie dosn't see
them and it goes on its
way.
SAM
Lets get out of here now.
(Mike: (Sarcastically) Oh my…that was a very tense scene…my heart was literally in my throat just now…)
Sam and Aaron walk
out of the school without
no problems.
INT-PARKING LOT-DAY-3
There in the school's
parking lot and they see
a professer trying to
leave.
SAM
Hello?!
Its Aaron's bioligy
teacher Professer
Jenkins.
JENNKINS
Aaron?
AARON
Yeah its me.
JENNKINS
Well it looks like you don't
have to type that paper for me.
(Tom: Oh Lord….if *he’s* the comic relief based on that opening joke…we’re in trouble you guys….)
AARON
Do you want to go with us.
JENNKINS
No but you can come with me.
(Tom: ….But….either way they’re all going with each other…why does it matter that he…
Mike: I’m pretty sure questions will lead to no answers with this story Tom….Just let it go…)
AARON
Sure
Sam and Aaron go to
Jennkins car and they
drive off.
INT-JENNKINS CAR-DAY-4
SAM
Can we stop at the women's collage down the road?
JENNKINS
Sure, you have a girlfriend over there?
(Crow: (As Sam) No, I lead a double life as one on the weekends….perhaps you’ve heard of me….Samantha?)
SAM
Yeah.
Jennikins takes a right
and drives over to the
womens collage,
They get out.
INT-PARKING LOT-DAY-5
SAM
We're here.
They walk in.
INT-WOMENS COLLAGE-DARK-6
Aaron pulls out a flash light
SAM
HANNA!...HANNA!
(Mike: This plot is going faster then me on a first date…
Tom: So I assume it’ll be alone in its bedroom by the end of the night then?
Mike: Well yeah, I…hey!)
They go up stairs.
INT-LEVLE ONE-DARK-7
SAM
HANNA!
AARON
I don't see her.
A zombie pops up and walks
to them.
(Mike: (As zombie) Uh, I’ve seen her, if that helps…short blond hair with blue eyes right?)
JENNKINS
Don't worry boys, I have a gun.
(Tom: (As Jennkins) That I just mysteriously pulled out of my coat pocket thanks to the magic of story telling!)
Jennkins pulls out his
pistol and shoots the
zombie until its dead.
(Tom: (Sarcastically) Oh wow…that was such an action packed, dramatically soaked scene….I am speechless with awe…)
JENNKINS
Well we got out of the way, didn't we.
AARON
Yep, we sure did.
They go up another levle
of stairs.
(Crow: Interesting…Mike, what exactly is a “levle”?
Mike: I believe, Crow my dear boy, that that would be a spelling error…Of which there are a lot of in this story…
Crow: Ah, I figured as much, thanks for clearing that up.)
INT-SHOWERS-DARK-8
SAM
HANNA!, You in here?!
(Crow: (As Hanna) Yes….Uh….I mean no! Aw damn…)
Sam's cell phone rings
SAM
Its Hanna!
HANNA O.S.
Were are you?
(Crow: Amazing technology….he didn’t even have to answer the phone to hear her speak…)
SAM
In the girls showers.
(Mike: (As Hanna) I thought you waited until Saturday to come here as Samantha?)
HANNA O.S.
Ok, go up one more flight
of stairs and into dorm number
seven E
SAM
Ok, be there in a minute.
HANNA O.S.
Bye.
(Tom: (As Hanna) Yes…no need to stay on the phone to make sure nothing bad happens to me…I’ll be fine….bye!)
Sam outs away his phone.
SAM
She's up one more in seven E.
AARON
Lets go.
They walk out of the
bathroom and into a
zombie, When Jennkins
pulls out his pistol
to shoots the zombie,
he runs out of bullets.
JENNKINS
Damn!
The zombie spots them
and runs to them.
(Crow: I guess this must be a deaf zombie if it didn’t hear those bullets…)
SAM
I got this
When the zombie gets
close enough Sam dose
a spin kick on it and it
goes flying into a wall.
(Mike: Universal Law of Zombie Fics # 1: The hero in every story *always* does a spin kick to kill the zombies…)
AARON
She's not dead yet.
SAM
How do you know?
(Crow: And how do we know it’s female from the lack of description? Miss. Cleo?)
The zombie gets back
on its feet.
AARON
I'm just Like that.
The zombie tries to bite
Jennkins in the leg but
he kicks its head off.
JENNKINS
There we go.
(Crow: (Sarcastically) Oh man….the Professor almost got bitten by that zombie…it’s a good thing he got the upper hand at the last minute wasn’t it guys?
Mike/Tom: (Sarcastically) Totally…)
INT-LEVEL E-DARK-9
They go walking up the
stairs and to Hanna's dorm
room.
INT-HANNA AND ANGIE'S DORM-LIGHT-10
SAM
Here we go.
Sam opens the door and
Hanna is on the other side
and she's holding a golf
club.
(Mike: Where she’ll hopefully club Sam in the head so we can end this thing…)
Hanna Raymond is a nine-teen year old
collage senior, she is wearing
a white shirt, blue Jeans, and
a red tie with black strips.
HANNA
Thank god your here!
(Tom: Wednesday’s at 8 on NBC…
Mike: Didn’t we promise no more shilling for network TV?
Tom: Heh…sorry….)
Hanna's roommate Angie runs
in with a butchers knife.
ANGIE
Hanna, who is that?
HANNA
My boyfriend.
(Mike: (As Angie) You mean the one who cries when you touch him?
Tom: (As Hanna) Shhhh….)
Angie Barson is a twenty years old
senior as well, she is wearing
a pink shirt with a golden neckless
and is waering a pair of red silk shorts.
ANGIE
Hey, I'm Angie
(Crow: Hey…we don’t care….)
Angie greets everybody in.
HANNA
So, what now?
JENNKINS
I have a car out side.
Sam walks by the window and
looks out.
SAM
flapjacks!
HANNA
What?
(Mike: (As Sam) Carrot Top left! I *knew* we were gonna miss him!)
SAM
To many zombies are out there!
(Crow: (As Sam) And the werewolves having a rave down the road probably won’t help either…)
Aaron and Hanna
go look out a window.
AARON
Your right, but how do we get out there?
ANGIE
I have an idea!
Angie pulls out a handgun
and three baseball bats.
(Crow: (As Angie) Here, take these weapons which I magically pulled out of thin air! Thanks David Blaine!)
AARON
What the hell?
ANGIE
We're all going to go down there
and kick some zombie ass!
AARON
Why baseball bats?
(Tom: (As Angie) Cause the Cricket Bats are out of town at the moment…)
ANGIE
To hit there heads off!
AARON
Oh ok.
(Mike: (As Aaron) Yeah…that seems totally logical...stupid me…)
They walk out side of the
dorm room.
INT-HALLWAY-DARK-11
HANNA
Lets go!
Aaron pukes.
ANGIE
Are you ok?
AARON
Yeah, its just the smell.
(Crow: Yeah….I hate when landladies cook….especially ours….
Mike: Crow…we don’t have a landlady….
Crow: Then it must be you making that bad roasted chicken…)
Aaron pukes agian.
ANGIE
Come on, get on my shoulder.
Angie is carring Aaron
on her sholder
(Tom: Mike, what do you do when you’re “carring” someone?
Mike: Again….I’m sure that’s a spelling error….
Crow: I hope not….as how exactly would she be able to carry him over her shoulder…unless she was an Amazon…)
Then a zombie runs up from
up stairs.
ANGIE
Kill it!
(Tom: (As Angie) With love!
Mike: (As Sam) Zombies can’t feel love…
Tom: (As Angie) Then…kill it with baseball bats!)
Hanna knocks the zombie's
head off with her baseball
bat.
ANGIE
I told you that we need those.
They go down stairs.
INT-SHOWERS-DARK-12
Aaron pukes, again
(Crow: Who is this guy, Steve-O? Jeez, get a grip pal…)
The sound of Aaron
puking attracks the
sound of zombies.
SAM
poopie!
Seven zombies come running
down stairs.
JENNKINS
I've got this!
(Crow: (As Jennkins) Even though my gun ran out of bullets and this story is so vague that the reader doesn’t know if I have another gun or not…I’ve got this!)
Jennkins tries kills three
zombies.
(Mike: ….excuse me, what?
Tom: I think this script needs to learn English as a second language…)
JENNKINS (cont.)
Oh no!
The zombies climb on
Jennkins and eat his brains.
You can here him scream.
HANNA
Oh no!
(Mike: Oh no!
Crow: Oh no!
Tom: Oh no!)
ANGIE
Lets just get out of here.
SAM
How?
ANGIE
Here, hold Aaron.
Angie gives Aaron to
Sam.
(Mike: It’s like he’s a piece of paper or something….)
Then Angie points her handgun
at the zombies and shoots all
four of them in the head.
They see Jennkins on the floor, Dead.
SAM
Come, on lets go before he gits up and attacks us.
(Crow: (Larry the Cable Guy voice) And we certainly wouldn’t want to git that done!)
They leave the collage.
INT-OUTSIDE-DAY-12
SAM
You ready, GO!
Thry go running to the
car with five zombies
chasing them.
HANNA
Just break a window!
Angie braks a window then
she unlocked it.
(Crow: She brak’ed a window? What does that mean…?
Mike: I’m quite sure they meant “break”…
Tom: Yes, break….something I’d like to do to this story right now…)
ANGIE
GET IN!
They get in the car and
luck for them, Jennkins
left the keys in the car.
(Crow: Un-luck for us, this thing is just beginning…)
HANNA
Hurry!
They leave the collages.
INT-INSIDE CAR-DAY-13
HANNA
Why did this happen?
SAM
Technology, I bet.
(Crow: Universal Law of Zombie Fics # 2: The Government is *always* behind zombie risings….)
AARON
Me...Me...
(Tom: You….You…?)
Aaron pukes agian
SAM
Lord have mercy.
Angie stops.
ANGIE
Is that a baby on the road?
(Crow: No, No….I think it’s a dead skunk in the middle of the road…)
HANNA
Oh my god it is!
(Mike: …And yet another vague fast zooming plot point hits us square in the face….thanks script….)
Angie grabs here handgun
and gets out of the car
INT-OUTSIDE-DAY-14
HANNA O.S.
Hurry up before they get you!
(Mike: What? The dingos?
Crow: Or the zombies that apparently only they can see?)
Angie picks the baby yp
and runs to the car.
INT-INSIDE CAR-DAY-15
ANGIE
Got em'
Angie drives off.
ANGIE
Hanna, is it a boy or girl?
HANNA
It has all pink on so it must be a girl.
(Mike: It *could* just be a very confused boy….)
Hanna looks at the blanket
it has wrapped around her.
HANNA
Here's a name, her name is Jasmine Kyndel Mason
ANGIE
Thats pretty name.
Jasmine starts to cry.
SAM
What now?
(Crow: (As Jasmine) Take me out of this crappy story! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!)
Aaron wakes up.
AARON
What I miss?
(Tom: About 20 plot points in the space of half a page…)
SAM
What do you think?
AARON
Who's crying?
(Crow: Us….)
SAM
The baby dumb ass.
AARON
A BABY!
Aaron looks over Hanna.
AARON
It is a baby!
Jasmine calms down.
(Mike: Yep, nothing calms down a baby like a screaming moron…)
AARON (cont.)
She's cute, I'm going back to sleep.
SAM
Please.
Aaron goes back to sleep.
Sam's cell phone rings.
SAM
What the?
Sam looks to see
who's calling.
SAM
Its my mom!
(Mike: (As Sam) Oh man, I am gonna be in so much trouble when I tell her I cut class to run from the zombies…)
Sam answers.
SAM
Hello?
SAM'S MOM O.S.
I heard that there was some kind off dangerous dieases going around where you live, are you ok?
SAM
Yeah ma, there is a dieases going around, a zombie outbreak just happened.
(Tom: (As Sam) I…hope that’ll excuse the fact that I bombed my last History test…)
SAM'S MOM O.S.
Whoa, how?
SAM
No telling what it was, I think its technology that did this, like a deadly virus.
(Crow: Didn’t we just get over the fact that it’s *always* The Government behind every zombie attack? Jeez…)
SAM'S MOM O.S.
Well come over here, so you can be safe.
SAM
Ok, bye.
(Tom: Where here exactly *is* is up for grabs I suppose…)
Sam hangs up.
Sam
She worries too much.
(Mike: (As Sam) I mean, you should see her when there’s a major earthquake in the area…)
HANNA
I wouldn't be suprised, there's a zombie outbreak happing now!
Jasimine starts to cry agian
AARON
Can you please make that flapjacksing baby SHUT UP!
(Tom: Make this story end and we’ll consider it…)
SAM
Hand the baby here.
Hanna hands Jasmine to Sam.
HANNA
Here.
Sam takes Jasmine
SAM
Hello.
(Mike: (As Jasmine) Bite me…I need a diaper change dork boy….)
Hanna looks at Sam smiling.
SAM
Woa no!
HANNA
Lets just have one, Please
SAM
Maybe.
(Crow: (As Sam) Though this zombie infestation might put a wrench in the works…)
Hanna turns around in
excitemite.
(Crow: Excitemite? I used to love that video game!
Tom: That’s “Excite Bike”….Excitemite is yet another spelling error from this dinkus of a writer…)
ANGIE
What is that?
Aaron wakes back up.
AARON
What now?
There is a large briefcase
in the middle of the road.
(Crow: Could it have Marsellus Wallace’s soul in it?)
Angie takes off here seat belt.
INT-OUTSIDE-DUSK-16
HANNA O.S.
Where are you going?
ANGIE
There's a...
A zombie jumps on Angie's
back and tears her apart.
(Crow: Good chance you’re a moron for exiting the car again….)
HANNA O.S.
Angie!
(Crow: Where will it lead us from here? Huh?)
INT-INSIDE CAR-DUSK-17
SAM
Here, Hanna take the baby.
HANNA
What?!
SAM
Just take her.
(Tom: (As Hanna) But what if I get poopie stains on my pants?)
Aaron gets up.
AARON
I'm going too.
Hanna takes Jasmine and Sam
and Aaron get out of the car
and go kill the zombie and get
the large case.
INT-OUTSIDE-DUSK-18
SAM
You get the case and I'll deal with
them.
Sam kicks the zombie that
attacked Angie and it goes
across the road.
Aaron has the case.
AARON
Got It!
SAM
Good, lets get the flapjacks out of here.
(Crow: (As Sam) I hear there’s a good Sci-Fi story a few miles from here…)
The Angie zombie gets up.
HANNA O.S.
Eddie, Watch out!
(Tom: Now who the hell is Eddie?!?
Mike: Jeez, a David Lynch movie makes more sense then this thing…)
Sam turns around and punches
Angies zombie in the face.
Then Aaron shoots Angie zombie
in the head with the handgun that
was found in the case.
AARON
Got cha!
SAM
What the hell, where did you get that?
AARON
The case, found a whole lot of weapons
in there.
(Tom: Must be an awfully big briefcase…)
SAM
Good, will need them, lets get back to the car.
INT-INSIDE CAR-NIGHT-19
Sam and Aaron gets back inside
of the car, then a flood of zombies
come from left and right.
HANNA
I'll drive.
Hanna gets behind the whell
and drives off.
(Crow: She’d be much better off behind the “wheel”, but ok then…)
While they are driving, Hanna
pulls over to a local Wal-Mart.
(Cue opening theme song) (Note: Not sure if I’ll make lyrics up yet or not)
(We finally fade in too the house of Mike, Servo, and Crow, (the house they were in at the end of “Diabolik”.). The three of them are seated at a table, apparently in mid discussion).
Crow: I’m telling you, the original Planet of the Apes was so much better then the Tim Burton re-make…
Tom: I’m gonna have to disagree there Crow my boy….Tim Burton’s version had better special effects, more action….and Mark Wahlberg!
Crow: The very fact that you consider Mark Wahlberg a good actor pretty much negates your entire argument right there…
Mike: Hey everyone, welcome to the Sateli…. (A pause, he corrects himself) Well….welcome to our house on 223 Devo Lane….Now you’re all probably wondering to yourselves… “What gives Mike? You guys are out of the clutches of Pearl Forrester…why would you…”
Crow: (Crossly, to Mike) Uh….could you not interrupt us please Nelson?
Tom: (Crossly as well) Yes….we’re trying to have an intelligent conversation here….
Tom/Crow: Thank you….
Mike: (A pause, he continues in a lower voice) “Why would you continue to make fun of bad movies or scripts or things of that nature?” Well I’m here to tell you that, while yes, we are no longer on the SOL and being tormented by Pearl….the bots and I still have that itching to make wisecracks at bad movies….kinda appropriate as we were doing it for so long…right guys?
Crow: (A bit more annoyed now) Yeah….whatever….still in discussion….
Mike: …..So, what we proposed to do was have you, the viewers send us fics and movie scripts and what not to joke on….sort of a challenge series if you will….and today will be the first go at this very challenge….I sure as heck am ready….how about you guys?
Crow: (Now very annoyed) You know what Nelson….if you can’t keep quiet for two minutes while Servo and I have a good natured discussion….we’re just not going to include you in our talks ever….
Mike: ….You wouldn’t even let me discuss the Planet of the Apes movies in the first place…
Tom: Phhh, well anyone who thought “Beneath The Planet of the Apes” was the best movie of the series has no right to ever talk about it…
Crow: Phhh, yeah….totally….
Mike: (Shakes his head and sighs) Like I’m the family dog or something….whatever….we’ll be right back….
(Cue commercial break)
(Back from the commercial break, Crow, Tom, and Mike are standing by a computer, apparently waiting for something)
Tom: So the challenges are sent here through the computer…is that it?
Mike: That it is…. (A “You Got Mail” ding is heard) And here it is now….
(He clicks on something with his mouse, then slowly reads whatever is on the screen)
Mike: Ok…. This is from Jeff R. in Phoenix, Arizona, he says “To Mike, Crow, and Tom, I heard about your Challenge Series, and I couldn’t think of a better first script or fic for you guys to read then a zombie movie. It’s called “Age of the Dead”, and I felt it was right up your alley. If your up to the task, I sent it too you via e-mail. Good luck”
Crow: Sounds good to me…
Mike: All right Jeff from Phoenix, we are up to the challenge, ok fellas, let’s get into the next room with the bigger computer screen, and let’s get started….
(From there, Mike clicks download on the computer, and the trio head into the next room)
(6…..5…..4….3….2….1)
(Crow, Mike, and Tom settle down before the large screen computer monitor and watch as it boots up the story)
Crow: Sure is a change from the theatre isn’t it?
Mike: Got that right….at least the seats here don’t have gun on them….
Age of the Dead
Written By: Robby Henderson
(Tom: (Narrator voice) The Age of the Dead...A time when Keith Richards, Queen Elizabeth II, and Phyllis Diller are all still alive and well at the combined ages of over 500…)
INT-COLLAGE DORM-DAY-1
We see a collage boy named
Sam Reynolds and is Room
mate Aaron Redison playing
a video game.
SAM
Looks like I'm going to win this one... agian!
(Crow: Looks like we’ve stumbled upon another crappy fic….again!)
AARON
I don't think so!
Sam Reynolds is twenty
years old and is wearing
a red shirt and a pair of
black cargo shorts and a
yellow rubber braclet.
Aaron Redison is also
twenty years old and is
wearing a green i'm with stupid
shirt and a pair of blue jeans.
(Mike: “I’m With stupid”… Good to see he admits his short comings eh?)
SAM
I win!
(Crow: (As voice on video game) Congratulations! You’ve just won the “Vague Video Game 2000” Challenge!)
Sam's cell phone rings
SAM
Hello?
Its Sam's girl friend Hanna
HANNA O.S.
Eddie, turn your T.V. to the news.
SAM
Ok, love you, bye.
(Tom: Not much of a talker I see….
Mike: And sadly, it looks like he’s gonna be the hero of our tale…
Crow: Folks….get used to this person…he’s gonna be here awhile…)
Sam puts away his phone
and changes the T.V. to
the news.
REPORTER O.S
There has been a plage of zombies
and I'm not lieing. Its true, I suggest
that you seek shelter and stay there
until this epidimic ends. SEEK SHELTER AND STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
(Crow: Wow…..right out of the gate with the plot points huh?
Mike: And that reporter was quite skilled at giving the news, wasn’t he?
Tom: (As reporter) President John F. Kennedy has been shot…I am totally not making this up!)
Sam turns off the T.V.
AARON
Do you think thats true?
(Tom: (As Sam) Well obviously….since we’re in a story called “Age of the Dead” and all…)
SAM
Don't know, I hope not!
Aaron goes to the
window and looks out
of it.
AARON
Oh my flapjacksing god!
(Mike: (As Aaron) Carrot Top is giving a free concert outside!
Tom: (As Sam) I *love* Carrot Top! Let’s go!)
Aaron sees a zombie eating
a man on the ground.
Sam takes a look.
(Crow: And sees that it’s in a book….)
AARON
We need to get the hell out of here.
SAM
Right, lets go
Sam and Aaron pack some
supplies and head off.
(Mike: And knowing these guys…it’s probably cans of Cheese Whiz, a whoopee cushion, and all of the Star Trek movies on DVD…
Crow: I know….the Star Wars movies would *totally* be the better choice…idiots…
Mike: Right, I… Huh?
Crow: Never mind…)
INT-HALLWAY-LIGHT-2
AARON
We need weapons!
SAM
Your right.
Sam and Aaron walk
down the hallway and
see a zombie.
AARON
What do we do?
(Tom: (As Sam) All I know is I sure as heck am not letting it borrow any sugar…)
SAM
Don't know.
The zombie dosn't see
them and it goes on its
way.
SAM
Lets get out of here now.
(Mike: (Sarcastically) Oh my…that was a very tense scene…my heart was literally in my throat just now…)
Sam and Aaron walk
out of the school without
no problems.
INT-PARKING LOT-DAY-3
There in the school's
parking lot and they see
a professer trying to
leave.
SAM
Hello?!
Its Aaron's bioligy
teacher Professer
Jenkins.
JENNKINS
Aaron?
AARON
Yeah its me.
JENNKINS
Well it looks like you don't
have to type that paper for me.
(Tom: Oh Lord….if *he’s* the comic relief based on that opening joke…we’re in trouble you guys….)
AARON
Do you want to go with us.
JENNKINS
No but you can come with me.
(Tom: ….But….either way they’re all going with each other…why does it matter that he…
Mike: I’m pretty sure questions will lead to no answers with this story Tom….Just let it go…)
AARON
Sure
Sam and Aaron go to
Jennkins car and they
drive off.
INT-JENNKINS CAR-DAY-4
SAM
Can we stop at the women's collage down the road?
JENNKINS
Sure, you have a girlfriend over there?
(Crow: (As Sam) No, I lead a double life as one on the weekends….perhaps you’ve heard of me….Samantha?)
SAM
Yeah.
Jennikins takes a right
and drives over to the
womens collage,
They get out.
INT-PARKING LOT-DAY-5
SAM
We're here.
They walk in.
INT-WOMENS COLLAGE-DARK-6
Aaron pulls out a flash light
SAM
HANNA!...HANNA!
(Mike: This plot is going faster then me on a first date…
Tom: So I assume it’ll be alone in its bedroom by the end of the night then?
Mike: Well yeah, I…hey!)
They go up stairs.
INT-LEVLE ONE-DARK-7
SAM
HANNA!
AARON
I don't see her.
A zombie pops up and walks
to them.
(Mike: (As zombie) Uh, I’ve seen her, if that helps…short blond hair with blue eyes right?)
JENNKINS
Don't worry boys, I have a gun.
(Tom: (As Jennkins) That I just mysteriously pulled out of my coat pocket thanks to the magic of story telling!)
Jennkins pulls out his
pistol and shoots the
zombie until its dead.
(Tom: (Sarcastically) Oh wow…that was such an action packed, dramatically soaked scene….I am speechless with awe…)
JENNKINS
Well we got out of the way, didn't we.
AARON
Yep, we sure did.
They go up another levle
of stairs.
(Crow: Interesting…Mike, what exactly is a “levle”?
Mike: I believe, Crow my dear boy, that that would be a spelling error…Of which there are a lot of in this story…
Crow: Ah, I figured as much, thanks for clearing that up.)
INT-SHOWERS-DARK-8
SAM
HANNA!, You in here?!
(Crow: (As Hanna) Yes….Uh….I mean no! Aw damn…)
Sam's cell phone rings
SAM
Its Hanna!
HANNA O.S.
Were are you?
(Crow: Amazing technology….he didn’t even have to answer the phone to hear her speak…)
SAM
In the girls showers.
(Mike: (As Hanna) I thought you waited until Saturday to come here as Samantha?)
HANNA O.S.
Ok, go up one more flight
of stairs and into dorm number
seven E
SAM
Ok, be there in a minute.
HANNA O.S.
Bye.
(Tom: (As Hanna) Yes…no need to stay on the phone to make sure nothing bad happens to me…I’ll be fine….bye!)
Sam outs away his phone.
SAM
She's up one more in seven E.
AARON
Lets go.
They walk out of the
bathroom and into a
zombie, When Jennkins
pulls out his pistol
to shoots the zombie,
he runs out of bullets.
JENNKINS
Damn!
The zombie spots them
and runs to them.
(Crow: I guess this must be a deaf zombie if it didn’t hear those bullets…)
SAM
I got this
When the zombie gets
close enough Sam dose
a spin kick on it and it
goes flying into a wall.
(Mike: Universal Law of Zombie Fics # 1: The hero in every story *always* does a spin kick to kill the zombies…)
AARON
She's not dead yet.
SAM
How do you know?
(Crow: And how do we know it’s female from the lack of description? Miss. Cleo?)
The zombie gets back
on its feet.
AARON
I'm just Like that.
The zombie tries to bite
Jennkins in the leg but
he kicks its head off.
JENNKINS
There we go.
(Crow: (Sarcastically) Oh man….the Professor almost got bitten by that zombie…it’s a good thing he got the upper hand at the last minute wasn’t it guys?
Mike/Tom: (Sarcastically) Totally…)
INT-LEVEL E-DARK-9
They go walking up the
stairs and to Hanna's dorm
room.
INT-HANNA AND ANGIE'S DORM-LIGHT-10
SAM
Here we go.
Sam opens the door and
Hanna is on the other side
and she's holding a golf
club.
(Mike: Where she’ll hopefully club Sam in the head so we can end this thing…)
Hanna Raymond is a nine-teen year old
collage senior, she is wearing
a white shirt, blue Jeans, and
a red tie with black strips.
HANNA
Thank god your here!
(Tom: Wednesday’s at 8 on NBC…
Mike: Didn’t we promise no more shilling for network TV?
Tom: Heh…sorry….)
Hanna's roommate Angie runs
in with a butchers knife.
ANGIE
Hanna, who is that?
HANNA
My boyfriend.
(Mike: (As Angie) You mean the one who cries when you touch him?
Tom: (As Hanna) Shhhh….)
Angie Barson is a twenty years old
senior as well, she is wearing
a pink shirt with a golden neckless
and is waering a pair of red silk shorts.
ANGIE
Hey, I'm Angie
(Crow: Hey…we don’t care….)
Angie greets everybody in.
HANNA
So, what now?
JENNKINS
I have a car out side.
Sam walks by the window and
looks out.
SAM
flapjacks!
HANNA
What?
(Mike: (As Sam) Carrot Top left! I *knew* we were gonna miss him!)
SAM
To many zombies are out there!
(Crow: (As Sam) And the werewolves having a rave down the road probably won’t help either…)
Aaron and Hanna
go look out a window.
AARON
Your right, but how do we get out there?
ANGIE
I have an idea!
Angie pulls out a handgun
and three baseball bats.
(Crow: (As Angie) Here, take these weapons which I magically pulled out of thin air! Thanks David Blaine!)
AARON
What the hell?
ANGIE
We're all going to go down there
and kick some zombie ass!
AARON
Why baseball bats?
(Tom: (As Angie) Cause the Cricket Bats are out of town at the moment…)
ANGIE
To hit there heads off!
AARON
Oh ok.
(Mike: (As Aaron) Yeah…that seems totally logical...stupid me…)
They walk out side of the
dorm room.
INT-HALLWAY-DARK-11
HANNA
Lets go!
Aaron pukes.
ANGIE
Are you ok?
AARON
Yeah, its just the smell.
(Crow: Yeah….I hate when landladies cook….especially ours….
Mike: Crow…we don’t have a landlady….
Crow: Then it must be you making that bad roasted chicken…)
Aaron pukes agian.
ANGIE
Come on, get on my shoulder.
Angie is carring Aaron
on her sholder
(Tom: Mike, what do you do when you’re “carring” someone?
Mike: Again….I’m sure that’s a spelling error….
Crow: I hope not….as how exactly would she be able to carry him over her shoulder…unless she was an Amazon…)
Then a zombie runs up from
up stairs.
ANGIE
Kill it!
(Tom: (As Angie) With love!
Mike: (As Sam) Zombies can’t feel love…
Tom: (As Angie) Then…kill it with baseball bats!)
Hanna knocks the zombie's
head off with her baseball
bat.
ANGIE
I told you that we need those.
They go down stairs.
INT-SHOWERS-DARK-12
Aaron pukes, again
(Crow: Who is this guy, Steve-O? Jeez, get a grip pal…)
The sound of Aaron
puking attracks the
sound of zombies.
SAM
poopie!
Seven zombies come running
down stairs.
JENNKINS
I've got this!
(Crow: (As Jennkins) Even though my gun ran out of bullets and this story is so vague that the reader doesn’t know if I have another gun or not…I’ve got this!)
Jennkins tries kills three
zombies.
(Mike: ….excuse me, what?
Tom: I think this script needs to learn English as a second language…)
JENNKINS (cont.)
Oh no!
The zombies climb on
Jennkins and eat his brains.
You can here him scream.
HANNA
Oh no!
(Mike: Oh no!
Crow: Oh no!
Tom: Oh no!)
ANGIE
Lets just get out of here.
SAM
How?
ANGIE
Here, hold Aaron.
Angie gives Aaron to
Sam.
(Mike: It’s like he’s a piece of paper or something….)
Then Angie points her handgun
at the zombies and shoots all
four of them in the head.
They see Jennkins on the floor, Dead.
SAM
Come, on lets go before he gits up and attacks us.
(Crow: (Larry the Cable Guy voice) And we certainly wouldn’t want to git that done!)
They leave the collage.
INT-OUTSIDE-DAY-12
SAM
You ready, GO!
Thry go running to the
car with five zombies
chasing them.
HANNA
Just break a window!
Angie braks a window then
she unlocked it.
(Crow: She brak’ed a window? What does that mean…?
Mike: I’m quite sure they meant “break”…
Tom: Yes, break….something I’d like to do to this story right now…)
ANGIE
GET IN!
They get in the car and
luck for them, Jennkins
left the keys in the car.
(Crow: Un-luck for us, this thing is just beginning…)
HANNA
Hurry!
They leave the collages.
INT-INSIDE CAR-DAY-13
HANNA
Why did this happen?
SAM
Technology, I bet.
(Crow: Universal Law of Zombie Fics # 2: The Government is *always* behind zombie risings….)
AARON
Me...Me...
(Tom: You….You…?)
Aaron pukes agian
SAM
Lord have mercy.
Angie stops.
ANGIE
Is that a baby on the road?
(Crow: No, No….I think it’s a dead skunk in the middle of the road…)
HANNA
Oh my god it is!
(Mike: …And yet another vague fast zooming plot point hits us square in the face….thanks script….)
Angie grabs here handgun
and gets out of the car
INT-OUTSIDE-DAY-14
HANNA O.S.
Hurry up before they get you!
(Mike: What? The dingos?
Crow: Or the zombies that apparently only they can see?)
Angie picks the baby yp
and runs to the car.
INT-INSIDE CAR-DAY-15
ANGIE
Got em'
Angie drives off.
ANGIE
Hanna, is it a boy or girl?
HANNA
It has all pink on so it must be a girl.
(Mike: It *could* just be a very confused boy….)
Hanna looks at the blanket
it has wrapped around her.
HANNA
Here's a name, her name is Jasmine Kyndel Mason
ANGIE
Thats pretty name.
Jasmine starts to cry.
SAM
What now?
(Crow: (As Jasmine) Take me out of this crappy story! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!)
Aaron wakes up.
AARON
What I miss?
(Tom: About 20 plot points in the space of half a page…)
SAM
What do you think?
AARON
Who's crying?
(Crow: Us….)
SAM
The baby dumb ass.
AARON
A BABY!
Aaron looks over Hanna.
AARON
It is a baby!
Jasmine calms down.
(Mike: Yep, nothing calms down a baby like a screaming moron…)
AARON (cont.)
She's cute, I'm going back to sleep.
SAM
Please.
Aaron goes back to sleep.
Sam's cell phone rings.
SAM
What the?
Sam looks to see
who's calling.
SAM
Its my mom!
(Mike: (As Sam) Oh man, I am gonna be in so much trouble when I tell her I cut class to run from the zombies…)
Sam answers.
SAM
Hello?
SAM'S MOM O.S.
I heard that there was some kind off dangerous dieases going around where you live, are you ok?
SAM
Yeah ma, there is a dieases going around, a zombie outbreak just happened.
(Tom: (As Sam) I…hope that’ll excuse the fact that I bombed my last History test…)
SAM'S MOM O.S.
Whoa, how?
SAM
No telling what it was, I think its technology that did this, like a deadly virus.
(Crow: Didn’t we just get over the fact that it’s *always* The Government behind every zombie attack? Jeez…)
SAM'S MOM O.S.
Well come over here, so you can be safe.
SAM
Ok, bye.
(Tom: Where here exactly *is* is up for grabs I suppose…)
Sam hangs up.
Sam
She worries too much.
(Mike: (As Sam) I mean, you should see her when there’s a major earthquake in the area…)
HANNA
I wouldn't be suprised, there's a zombie outbreak happing now!
Jasimine starts to cry agian
AARON
Can you please make that flapjacksing baby SHUT UP!
(Tom: Make this story end and we’ll consider it…)
SAM
Hand the baby here.
Hanna hands Jasmine to Sam.
HANNA
Here.
Sam takes Jasmine
SAM
Hello.
(Mike: (As Jasmine) Bite me…I need a diaper change dork boy….)
Hanna looks at Sam smiling.
SAM
Woa no!
HANNA
Lets just have one, Please
SAM
Maybe.
(Crow: (As Sam) Though this zombie infestation might put a wrench in the works…)
Hanna turns around in
excitemite.
(Crow: Excitemite? I used to love that video game!
Tom: That’s “Excite Bike”….Excitemite is yet another spelling error from this dinkus of a writer…)
ANGIE
What is that?
Aaron wakes back up.
AARON
What now?
There is a large briefcase
in the middle of the road.
(Crow: Could it have Marsellus Wallace’s soul in it?)
Angie takes off here seat belt.
INT-OUTSIDE-DUSK-16
HANNA O.S.
Where are you going?
ANGIE
There's a...
A zombie jumps on Angie's
back and tears her apart.
(Crow: Good chance you’re a moron for exiting the car again….)
HANNA O.S.
Angie!
(Crow: Where will it lead us from here? Huh?)
INT-INSIDE CAR-DUSK-17
SAM
Here, Hanna take the baby.
HANNA
What?!
SAM
Just take her.
(Tom: (As Hanna) But what if I get poopie stains on my pants?)
Aaron gets up.
AARON
I'm going too.
Hanna takes Jasmine and Sam
and Aaron get out of the car
and go kill the zombie and get
the large case.
INT-OUTSIDE-DUSK-18
SAM
You get the case and I'll deal with
them.
Sam kicks the zombie that
attacked Angie and it goes
across the road.
Aaron has the case.
AARON
Got It!
SAM
Good, lets get the flapjacks out of here.
(Crow: (As Sam) I hear there’s a good Sci-Fi story a few miles from here…)
The Angie zombie gets up.
HANNA O.S.
Eddie, Watch out!
(Tom: Now who the hell is Eddie?!?
Mike: Jeez, a David Lynch movie makes more sense then this thing…)
Sam turns around and punches
Angies zombie in the face.
Then Aaron shoots Angie zombie
in the head with the handgun that
was found in the case.
AARON
Got cha!
SAM
What the hell, where did you get that?
AARON
The case, found a whole lot of weapons
in there.
(Tom: Must be an awfully big briefcase…)
SAM
Good, will need them, lets get back to the car.
INT-INSIDE CAR-NIGHT-19
Sam and Aaron gets back inside
of the car, then a flood of zombies
come from left and right.
HANNA
I'll drive.
Hanna gets behind the whell
and drives off.
(Crow: She’d be much better off behind the “wheel”, but ok then…)
While they are driving, Hanna
pulls over to a local Wal-Mart.
