Post by callipygias on Jul 11, 2007 15:43:35 GMT -5
The Mastication of Cousin Dan
Be ye bread or be ye ham,
Be ye, perhaps, a cube of spam
No nobler end might you envision
Than to be set 'pon Dan's tray of television
Thereupon to wait impatiently
Such a fate you never dared hope to see:
Yon glorious and slobbering orifice,
Coarse of pelage, inexhaustible, soundfully furious.
With piston-like precision, with hammer/anvil strength,
Maxilla meets mandible, then re-expands its length.
Upon each thoughtful sporking 300 mastications ride,
Unto the Throne of Plenty* each biteful eventually slides.
Other memories evoke
When Cousin Dan is of bespoke,
Yet none so strongly do I hold
As the chomp of which I've told.
And what of Cousin Billy?
His glistening countenance seems silly,
Yet upon such viscous brow
The Gods a thunder did endow.
Even from this visaged animosity,
Gleaming with said viscosity,
Comes, too, a wildly romantic dream,
Comes, too, a womany, womany scream.
And where have our heroes gone,
Those glorious fellows of this song?
It seems their end was not so proud,
A spider's bottom crapped them out.
*Thunderbucket
Be ye bread or be ye ham,
Be ye, perhaps, a cube of spam
No nobler end might you envision
Than to be set 'pon Dan's tray of television
Thereupon to wait impatiently
Such a fate you never dared hope to see:
Yon glorious and slobbering orifice,
Coarse of pelage, inexhaustible, soundfully furious.
With piston-like precision, with hammer/anvil strength,
Maxilla meets mandible, then re-expands its length.
Upon each thoughtful sporking 300 mastications ride,
Unto the Throne of Plenty* each biteful eventually slides.
Other memories evoke
When Cousin Dan is of bespoke,
Yet none so strongly do I hold
As the chomp of which I've told.
And what of Cousin Billy?
His glistening countenance seems silly,
Yet upon such viscous brow
The Gods a thunder did endow.
Even from this visaged animosity,
Gleaming with said viscosity,
Comes, too, a wildly romantic dream,
Comes, too, a womany, womany scream.
And where have our heroes gone,
Those glorious fellows of this song?
It seems their end was not so proud,
A spider's bottom crapped them out.
*Thunderbucket
