Coz
Tibby
UK Bot
Posts: 53
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Post by Coz on Mar 19, 2008 15:05:55 GMT -5
***Okay, I proved I'm a screwup. Thanks for moving to Crows Art! *** Hey peeps, how y'all doin'? After the 'what if MST3K returned' thread, and the Gila Monster skit, I got an idea of how our favorite show could return to TV. Well, it's better than doing my real job, so I played with the idea. Now, we know that today, a two-hour timeslot is unlikely to be greenlighted by any TV company, so I figured a 90 minute slot is possible, but would mean bad old movies would be out of the question, unless savagely cut. However, there's always bad old TV shows! Failed pilots, bad episodes of otherwise good TV... heck, TV remakes of movies would make great riff fodder - Logans Run? Beyond Westworld? Planet of the Apes? War of the Worlds? What do you think, sirs?
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Coz
Tibby
UK Bot
Posts: 53
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Post by Coz on Mar 19, 2008 15:06:23 GMT -5
So, the setup is this - Joel (I'm a Joel guy, sue me!) is visited by the bots at the precise moment Dr F and Frank drop a giant clear dome over Joels house (Joel doesn't mind so much, cos he's a homebody).
Dr F & Frank have shot themselves into space (in a neat reversal), and monitor the airwaves for bad TV. Dr F is still bitter about his failed experiment, blaming Joel, but thinking that he was too strict, and should have included TV in his plan. He blames Frank for this oversight.
Dr F is older due to an accident, and Frank is one of a troop of clones made by Dr F from a glob of DNA he found on a half-eaten Twinkie (tho he suspects there's too much cream in Franks DNA filling). Dr F regularly shoots Frank into space, as the Franks have a hive mind, and remember everything - usually.
Joel lives in the middle of Nowhere, Minnesota, in a house he built himself, and has a special TV room.
Tom and Crow have toured the world, and are kinda vague on what they've been up to.
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Coz
Tibby
UK Bot
Posts: 53
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Post by Coz on Mar 19, 2008 15:06:56 GMT -5
Mystery Science Television 3000 (MSTV3K) Pilot Episode - Revised PRE-TITLES SEQUENCEBlack screen fades into electronic STATIC, filling the screen. CREEPY VOICE (O.S. - sounds a little familiar) Do not attempt to adjust your television set! We control the horizontal. We control the vert- INTERIOR - P.O.S. CONTROL ROOM PICTURE rolls and cuts to a CAMERA closeup of a familliar looking black jacket. CREEPY VOICE is interrupted, mid-Outer Limits speechifying.MYSTERY VOICE (O.S. - also familiar) Get away from there, Frank - or I'll kill you and re-animate you again! And then I'll smash all your Hummel figurines. CAMERA pans up into an extreme close up of nostrils, then pulls out to reveal TVS' FRANK - for it is he - a little older, a little heavier, a more than a little dumber. The Punishment Orbiter Satellite (P.O.S.)Control Room is Dr Fs' new Lab set, which it resembles in both size and layout. A long room, with an AIRLOCK door at the far end, equipment bolted to the walls and lots of buttons and pretty flashing lights. It is cleaner than Deep 13 ever was, and is artfully lit, like an original Kirk era Star Trek set. FRANK (clearly pleased) But it's working! TVs' Frank is on TV! We hear a loud clown-hammer noise, and FRANK howls Camera turns and DR CLAYTON FORRESTER comes into view.He appears much the same, but older than he should be- Due to a cryogenic malfunction he's about 30 years older than when we last saw him on MST3K, so now, as well as the lightning streaks in his hair and mustache, the hair at both temples gone tastefully white.
With the camera on him, he smooths down the lapels of his lime green labcoat. He preens.FORRESTER (a'la Bond villain) Ah, so we meet again, and this time it is I who- HEY! He breaks off, squinting into camera. Something is wrong... He approaches, looming nose-first into super-extreme-uber close-up. His eyes widen behind his green framed glasses.FORRESTER (raises eyebrow) You're not Joel! (yells) Push the button, Frank! Screen shrinks to a dot, then goes black as we hear the clown-hammer again...[/center][/i] END OF PRE-TITLES * BEGIN TITLES As per the MST3K theme, re-arranged with revised lyrics. This sets up the premise of the series to the viewers. In the not so distant future This Sunday A.D. - There is a guy named Joel, Not too different from you or me.
He was stranded out on a satellite, And sent bad movies night after night- He managed to escape and get back home,
But his bosses finally found him- So they sealed him in a dome!
"We'll send him cheesy TV, The worst we can find-"
La-La-La!
"He'll have to sit and watch them all, And we'll monitor his mind!"
La-La-La!
Now keep in mind Joel can't control Where the shows begin or end- Because he used those special parts To fix his robot friends.
Robot Roll-Call!
CAMBOTS! "Rolling!" CALLY! "Hellooo!" TOM SERVO! "We're back!" CROOOOOW! "Still one 'O'!"
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts- Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, I should really just relax...
For Mystery Science TV Three Thousand!"END TITLES * PROLOGUE - INTERIOR - WORKSHOPThis is our new SOL bridge type MAIN SET. Joels' home workshop. It's a friendly, welcoming mess of missmatched junk and spare parts. Joel has been hording since his return.
Joels' Workshop is the center of his home, filled with tools, cast-off junk and old toys and inventions. Layout is like that of the main S.O.L. set, but with a large workbench in place of the desk. A door leads OFFSCREEN into the garage.
JOEL ROBINSON, CROW T. ROBOT and TOM SERVO are slumped at the WORKBENCH, obviously very depressed.
Joel manages a small wave.
The three colored MOVIE SIGN lights are visible on the wall in the background - but are now called 'SHOW SIGN' or 'SHOW TIME' lights.
An upgraded CONTROL PANEL is visible on the bench - it now also has a small keypad on it. JOEL (flat) Hi. Welcome to our humble home, I hope you enjoy your stay SERVO(bitter) And if you don't, at least you can LEAVE! (sobs) CROW (sarcastic) Sit a spell, kick yer shoes off. Or just kick off. Crow and Tom go into hysterics. The COMMERCIAL SIGN light begins flashing.
Joel tries to comfort the bots, until-JOEL (chin quivering) We'll be right back. Joel hits the commercial sign light, then goes into hysterics right along with the bots.[/center][/i] END OF PROLOGUE
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Coz
Tibby
UK Bot
Posts: 53
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Post by Coz on Mar 19, 2008 15:19:35 GMT -5
* INVENTION EXCHANGE Joel has the bots - and himself - under control, and are in a power huddle. Joel's finishing his pep talk. JOEL (as football coach) Okay guys, lets do this thing! CROW / SERVORIGHT! Grrrrr! JOEL (sees the RED Mads' light flashing) Oh, Dr Strangelove & President Muffley are calling. Joel hits the Control Panel.[/center][/i] INTERIORS - P.O.S. CONTROL ROOM and JOELS' WORKSHOP
As they too-and-fro, We CUT back & forth between Dr Forrester / TVs' Frank and Joel & the bots FORRESTER (as gracious host) Ah, Joelly-poo. So glad you could join us. Mwah ha ha ha! FRANK (joining in a little too vocally) Muh-wah-HAH-ha-HA-ha! CUT to Joel & the bots doing the 'Huh?' bit, then CUT BACKDr F evil-eyes Frank for going OTT. Then nudges him when he doesn't stop with the Ha-Ha.FORRESTER (enjoying himself) >Ahem< Ready for todays invention exchange? No? Good! My invention takes two great childrens' favorites, and makes them work great together! Every kid loves dinosaurs, right? And what kid today doesn't love clowns? CUT to Joel & the botsCROWUm, all of them? CUT back to ForresterFORRESTERYes, it's what every child dreams of - CLOWNOSAUR! Camera pulls back to reveal THE CLOWNOSAUR! Part T-Rex - Part Bozo - all nightmare fodder, crotch-tall thing with a clown white and primary colored face and lizardly hide, mouth bristling with rows of razor teeth. Frank looks very nervous of it, as well he should be.It roars, and laughs. It breathes fire and whipped cream. It will not be stopped.Dr F pushes Frank toward his hellish creation.FORRESTER (out the side of his mouth) Go ahead and play with him, Frank. FRANK (trying to back away) I - I don't think he wants me to. Dr F grabs Frank and drags him toward the monster, which is cutting out paper chain dollies - with its' knife sharp claws!FORRESTER (through gritted teeth) I said play with him! Frank scoots offscreen, with the Clownosaur darting after him. It snarls, playfully.FRANK (distant) Nice doggy! Sit! Stay - now, I AAAARRGHHH! FORRESTER (proudly) What do you think, Hmmm? Ah, who cares what you think. JOEL (up yours) Gee, thanks. CROW / SERVO (muttering) Yeah, ya Jerk. Dickweed. FORRESTERSo you got an invention there or what? CUT to close-up on JoelJOELWe all know that being a scientist in todays technology-mad world can be very stressful- CUT TO Dr F & Frank - Dr F is trying to pull Franks leg out of the Clownosaurs' mouth. They all pause.FORRESTER / FRANKSo true. CUT BACK to close-up on Joel.JOELSo we created laboratory equipment to help make science fun! Camera pulls back, revealing the bench, and the ridiculous looking gadgets now placed on it.Here we have the Silly-O-Scope, the Laff-A-Graph and the Kooky-tron. SERVOAlso, the Ultra-Funometer... CROW... And the Gagametric Trans-Loonyfier! JOEL / SERVO / CROWWhat do you think, sirs?[/center] Dr F & Frank are overjoyed by the fun equipment (it's beamed up to the P.O.S. during the cut!). Frank likes the googly eyes on the Silly-O-Scope.FORRESTER (reigning in the happy) >Ahem< Your experiment this week, Joel, is an episode of 'Kolchak: The Night Stalker', starring Darren McGavin, featuring topless motorcycling - but not the good kind. Mwah ha ha ha!
JOEL (jumping up, screen shakes, etc) Oh, we've got Show Sign! END OF INVENTION EXCHANGE* KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER - (1975), Episode #15 - 'CHOPPER.' Darren McGavin Simon Oakland Larry Linville Jim Backus
Kind of a bad 'best of' of MST3K experiments - motorcycle gangs, severed heads, and Jim Backus! Two other episodes feature Richard Kiel, so more fodder. Kolchak was a great show, but sometimes let down by poor effects - McGavin makes 'em worth the watch. * HOST SEGMENT 1 INTERIOR - WORKSHOPJoel & the bots are at the workbench, a little down, but rolling with it. CROWI just don't understand it, Joel. How'd we get back into this mess? SERVOHow can the same stuff happen to the same guys twice! JOELBoy, you guys don't have much memory, do ya? SERVONot since the operating system upgrade. JOELOkay, it was like this...[/center] CUE THE WAVY FLASHBACK EFFECTFLASHBACK - WORKSHOPNOTE: The three SHOWTIME lights and the CONTROL PANEL are missing in this scene, as it occurs prior to Dr F dropping the giant Dome of Doom.
Joel is alone in the Workshop, sweeping up, doing make-work, singing to himself. JOEL (singing -kinda) Lookin' through the knothole in Grandmas' wooden leg - A loud knocking interrupts the song- -SHAVE-AND-A-HAIRCUT-Before Joel can reach the door, the knock comes again- -SHAVE-AND-A-HAIRCUT-Joel opens the door, rolling his eyes - some people... Standing there is:CROWTWO BITS! Ha! Heya Joel! Any chance of a sandwich? JOEL (automatically) Sure buddy. Where you been, m'man? Thought you were off walking the earth, like Kung Fu? Crow saunters in like he owns the place, carrying a large cloth bag. He passes a surprised Joel, and walks up to the workbenchCROWAh, that got old pretty fast, so I just took a cab. Crow drops the bag onto the bench with a clatter.JOELSo - where's Tom? CROW I don't know how to tell you this, Joel. There was an accident. The TV went out, and Servo volunteered to fix the antenna, and I told him, I said, you be careful I said, and you take care, y'know? And uh, well. And where that lightening strike came from, I just have no idea. JOELOh no! CROW (a'la Radar) He spun in. There were no survivors. JOELLittle buddy... CROWIt was hi-larious! (quickly) Horrible! I mean. SERVO (muffled) Oh, I've seen worse - remember that M80? Whoo! Joel pulls a 'wha?!' face.CROWHe's in the bag. SERVO (muffled - and a little sozzled) Half in the bag, Crow - I found your >hic< stash. Joel evil-eyes Crow for leading him on. He takes Servo from the bag. He's in bad shape.JOEL (sees Servos' condition) Oh my little man! CROWUh, my sandwich? JOELDon't worry, Tom - I still have some special parts... Joel looks around... uh, here somewhere... (to Tom and to Camera)Be right back.[/center] END OF HOST SEGMENT 1 * AD BREAK
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Post by MonsterX on Mar 19, 2008 15:22:06 GMT -5
So is this fan fiction, or are you asking people what they think about MST doing old TV show reruns?
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Coz
Tibby
UK Bot
Posts: 53
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Post by Coz on Mar 19, 2008 15:26:39 GMT -5
D'oh! Had a seperate window open - thought it was Crows Art. Sorry folks, move along! Oh, and yeah, MonsterX - old TV shows - riffable enough to carry a series? C.
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Post by wilson on Mar 19, 2008 15:27:09 GMT -5
This is near-perfect ! It certainly played out in my brain !! You best continue this soon too, don't go gettin' cancelled on me.
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Post by Queen Shadowrama on Mar 19, 2008 15:28:57 GMT -5
I like the idea so far (the new theme song was especially cute), but who the heck is Cally?
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Post by quinnmartin on Mar 19, 2008 15:33:22 GMT -5
Comedy Central exec's proposed this idea back in '96, that the show switch to riffing on old sitcoms (and I believe shortening the to a half hour or an hour), but the Brain's rejected the idea.
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Post by MonsterX on Mar 19, 2008 15:41:29 GMT -5
D'oh! Had a seperate window open - thought it was Crows Art. Sorry folks, move along! Oh, and yeah, MonsterX - old TV shows - riffable enough to carry a series? C. No worries mate; I’ll move it for ya. And no I don’t think so about the TV shows, I like the Sci-Fi monster movies they did the best so I’m biased though.
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Post by Diet Kolos on Mar 19, 2008 15:51:22 GMT -5
Comedy Central exec's proposed this idea back in '96, that the show switch to riffing on old sitcoms (and I believe shortening the to a half hour or an hour), but the Brain's rejected the idea. Correct. Though I believe it was earlier than that. Along with the movie, there were side-projects being discussed that Joel didn't like. Jim did. That's where the argument came from. One side-project CC was pushing was for the show to cut back to an hour long or less and riff failed TV shows and things like that. Once Joel had had it and left, they were able to make a deal with CC on cutting back the show's time and they created The Mystery Science Theater Hour.
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torgover
Tibby
That was one weird-ass movie
Posts: 91
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Post by torgover on Mar 19, 2008 15:51:50 GMT -5
Hehe, I always thought about this myself, there are more than enough crappy tv shows out (or have been out) not a bad script! I could work it out in my mind easily.
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Coz
Tibby
UK Bot
Posts: 53
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Post by Coz on Mar 19, 2008 16:06:03 GMT -5
Thanks, MonsterX! Cheers Torgover! Y'know, this setup could work for an animated show too...! Big, I do plan to finish this up! I have loose pages of notes for the remaining segments. I must confess I haven't riffed the Kolchak ep, tho. Sorry - I'm not that funny (true!). Quinnmartin - I was not aware of that. I always thought that the movies should be the Margret Dumont character to J&TB / M&TB's Marx Brothers. Catalina Caper proved that comedies are too difficult to riff well, I thought. Queen Shadowrama, thanks! The theme was fun to write (I even have stage directions!) Cally is Joels' house controlling bot - she's bored by her day to day chores, but perks up when Tom and Crow arrive! They each have kinda a thing for her... She's the surrogate for Gypsy I created (I figured Gyps has ConGypsCo to run!). Oh, and instead of the one Cambot, there are a number of smaller Cambots that fly around the place (maybe they arrived with Tom & Crow...) So not a typo. C.
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Post by wilson on Mar 19, 2008 16:25:26 GMT -5
I always thought that the movies should be the Margret Dumont character to J&TB / M&TB's Marx Brothers. ^ Good one ! I mean it , I could really picture it all. I have no further statement to make , other then "more !"
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Coz
Tibby
UK Bot
Posts: 53
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Post by Coz on Mar 19, 2008 21:57:59 GMT -5
Thanks Big! Without keeping you in suspenders - Segment 2! * HOST SEGMENT 2 INTERIOR - P.O.S. Control RoomDr F is ticking things off on a clipboard, checking and calibrating various doohickeys and thingamabobs, while Frank hovers nearby - sulking a little.
FRANK (he's been listening to Crow) I just don't understand it. How'd I get back into this mess?
FORRESTER (sighs resignedly) Well, Frank, if you shut up I'll tell you a story.
Dr F throws the clipboard over his shoulder. Frank hops up onto the console Dr F just calibrated, pressing a whole bunch of buttons there. As he turns to sit, we see a number across the back of his uniform - 236.
FORRESTER (quickly, but bored) So, you worked at Arby's, then for me. Then you left me. Mother came to help - she said. I cryogenically froze myself after creating clone to keep mother off my back.
FRANK (dreamily) She's a nice lady...
FORRESTER (actively ignoring him) After I finally defrosted, I shot myself and the remains of Deep 13 into space, where I commandeered this satelite.
Dr F takes a sealed baggie from a container.
I cloned you from DNA I found on this glob of Twinkie.
FRANK (taking the baggie) Wow!
Frank pauses (hey... waitaminute)
A clone?
FORRESTER (like he's had an affair) You'd left me Frank! You were gone! What was I supposed to do? I - I'm sorry Frank. I was weak. I just needed the company. It was a one time thing - I'm sure you'll understand-
FRANK (small voice) I'm a clone?
FORRESTER (a little tetchy) YES Frank.
FRANK (really not getting it) Who of?
FORRESTER (hitting Frank with the Twinkie DNA container) You knucklehead! I'm glad I made extras, just in case.
FRANK (go on...) Of... ?
FORRESTER (angry now) Of me killing you!
Dr F lunges for a very large red button on the panel nearby. It is marked JETTISON. Dr F slams it with maniacal glee.
Frank is jettisoned out of the Control Room and out into space with a sucking noise - yelling all the way. The Mads version of Rocket Number 9 shows Franks trajectory away from the satelite.
FORRESTER (regaining his decorum) I really should cut back on doing that - but it's just so much fun!
A black clad figure approaches from behind Dr F.
FRANK CLONE You called, Steve?
FORRESTER Get back to work, Frank.
Frank Clone turns, and we see a number across the back of his uniform - 237.
FORRESTER Oh, just one more.
He hits the Jettison button again, and Frank Clone 237 is sucked into space.
Another Frank clone approaches.
FRANK CLONE Steve?
FORRESTER I said get back to work, Frank! END OF HOST SEGMENT 2* More soon! C.
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