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Post by XerxesTheCat on Mar 2, 2007 20:34:33 GMT -5
"I recommend you stuff tree bark into the disk drive and meditating. No, of coarse it won't damage anything, it's all natural!"
I have to credit Dilbert for this one.
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Post by Bart Fargo on Apr 24, 2007 18:56:22 GMT -5
"You think you got problems!? You're problems are NOTHING compared to mine!! Why , just yesterday my ex..."
Or maybe this... "Call us back when you've got a real problem." - actually said to me by a Microsoft employee.
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Post by Crowfan on Apr 24, 2007 19:30:52 GMT -5
"Bite me, you idiot"
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Post by Don Quixote on Apr 24, 2007 21:12:03 GMT -5
"SUPERVISOR! THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE BACK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAT DO YOU WANT DEMON VOICES??!? HOW MANY MORE PEOPLE DO I HAVE TO KILL AND STUFF INTO MY CRAWLSPACE FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY?!?? HMMMM??!? HOW MANY!??"
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Post by Hellcat on Apr 27, 2007 16:13:31 GMT -5
"Don't let that computer bully you. Show it who's boss! Give it a good swift kick."
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Post by Crowfan on May 6, 2007 19:57:07 GMT -5
"You accidentally deleted all your files? Good one, jackass. Now you're screwed."
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Post by cambot01 on May 6, 2007 20:32:13 GMT -5
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Post by (busdrivertohell) on May 14, 2007 19:15:43 GMT -5
'... now have you unplugged your laptop? Yes? Hmm, good... now I want you to take it to the bathroom.... okay? Great. Now turn on your bathtub faucet and run a nice warrrm bath. Yesss I hear the water running. Good. Now while the water is running plug your laptop into the outlet in your bathroom. Got it? Good. Now get in the tub... don't ask why it's IMPERATIVE that you do it if you want things to work properly. You're in? Excellent. Is your laptop on? Ok.. now what I want you to do is, and you have to do this really quick... press CTRL ALT and DELETE at the same time as you drop the laptop into the water.....'
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Post by I Reject My Slave-name on Jun 12, 2007 10:41:43 GMT -5
'Just hose it down. Always works for me.'
'You did what? Ok hang on a minute..hey come hear what this bozo thought would work...alright, please continue.'
'Have you tried reasoning with the machine?'
'Yes I can fix that from over the phone, but I'll need all your passwords, credit cards numbers, and full access to your remote desktop.'
'Computer says 'No'.'
'Hello, and welcome to Tech Support. If you have reached this extension in error, press #. If you have a service plan, press 1. If you want a new service plan, press 2. If you are a new customer but do not wish a service plan at this time, press 3. For all other enquiries, press 4, or hold to speak to an operator.' [regardless of choice made], phone rings - 'please wait, your call is in a queue' - muzak begins. 10 minutes later... "Hello, advertising." [........] "I'm sorry, you've reached the wrong department. I'll transfer you." phone rings, 'Hello, and welcome to Tech Support. All our offices are now closed....'
'Well hell, I wouldn't know. I just tie mine together with string mostly.'
'I find that blowing all the capacitors on your motherboard is a good way to break the computer in and show it who's boss at the same time.'
'Have you tried doing the Hokey-Cokey?'
'Allow me to let you in on a little secret. All those anti-virus & spyware and spam-killer applications we sell - well, guess who makes all the problems you need those to solve in the first place?'
'Allow me to let you in on a little secret. Cause many people will tell you your important main components are the motherboard, the memory, the hard-drive and the power supply. But really it's the mouse, the keyboard, and the speakers - keep them in order and you'll never worry about a thing.'
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Post by XerxesTheCat on Jun 12, 2007 14:25:18 GMT -5
Oh, God. That one is so close to reality, it's almost not funny.
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Post by I Reject My Slave-name on Jun 13, 2007 9:41:03 GMT -5
Don't tell anyone, my future business depends upon it.
Kidding. Or Am I???
That concept is pretty funny tho' - "Nice local area network you have here. Would be a shame if something were to - happen to it."
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