Post by losingmydignity on Jan 22, 2004 1:46:28 GMT -5
LARRY BUCHANAN
I know that's a name that means a lot to all of us. He hurt us once. Now he's hurt me even more...
In my ever increasing quest to experience new means of torture I did the unspeakable...
Watched two Buchanan's back to back. Double feature. The The Eye Creatures was nothing, folks, folks.
In the Year 8089 is Buchanan's masterpiece. Now first of all, I actually saw this film when I was a child, fond memory of watching it with my Dad. It really creeped me out (bad films always seemed like fever dreams to me back then). It's a remake of The Day The World Ended, the Corman crap they used for the home game, just as The EEC was a remake for AIP television. The plot is simple: a bunch of folks survive a nuclear holocaust because of the extremely convient location of a man's house which happens to surrounded by cliffs radiation can't pass through and a spring that is safe...oh, nevermind, it's too complicated to get into (my riff: He went to all this trouble to build a house here...he'd have to be disappointed if there wasn't a nuclear war). I'll dispense with plot summary and instead tell you this movie features:
Silly Halloween type masks that are supposed to be mutants.
A man drowning a woman to death in a swimming pool (a big one)....with one hand! While he's crouching! Huh?
The same greasy queasy cinematography, same grimey feel, as Eye Creatures...how did LB get it that way? He must have tried real hard. Buchananvision. Why didn't he trademark it?!
A heroine with expressions so vacuous she makes the heroine of Manos look oscar worthy...
The dialog...I wish I still had my rented copy on hand to share it with you. My wife and I riffed this one to death. Great stuff.
It's Alive is even worse in a way. But repulsive. Way more repulsive. In fact, so disgusting it makes The The EC look like A Little Romance.
Buchanan is a sicko. If you see this film you will watch as:
the most obnoxious couple I have ever seen drive down a road in the rain thru the "Ozarks" for about five minutes more than the scenic drives in Manos (Buchanan--the Bella Tarr of sleeze!)
Watch as the couple stop at an Ozark tourist trap (the one bit of realism in the film) get locked in a cave with Tommy Kirk who looks strangely bloated (too many benders on the set of Catalina Caper?) and has circles so dark under his eyes, just looks so bad, he could have starred in a grainy tv movie of The Last Days of Jim Morrison (and, yes, he gained weight). Thrill as a man in a ridculous monster suit--the it, who is actually nearly superfluous as far as the plot goes--kills the husband--yay!--and his wife, just minutes later, starts hitting on...Mr. Kirk!
Throw up as we are treated to a a totally unecessary flashback of woman driving (again for minutes) being locked in a room by a madman (forgot to mention him: he discovered the "it" and feeds him humans) bringing her dead rats to eat, and later beating her with his belt. Now what I just described could have been told in a few minutes of dialog or in a quick montage, but BUCHANAN TREATS US TO TWENTY MINUTES OF THIS SICK PART OF THE STORY EVEN THOUGH IT IS MERELY BACK STORY We are treated to repeated shots of the ugliest man in the world LEERING SWEATY FACED CLOSE UPS OF HIM LAUGHING MADLY CRUELLY...................
I've been hurt bad. Can anyone help?
I know that's a name that means a lot to all of us. He hurt us once. Now he's hurt me even more...
In my ever increasing quest to experience new means of torture I did the unspeakable...
Watched two Buchanan's back to back. Double feature. The The Eye Creatures was nothing, folks, folks.
In the Year 8089 is Buchanan's masterpiece. Now first of all, I actually saw this film when I was a child, fond memory of watching it with my Dad. It really creeped me out (bad films always seemed like fever dreams to me back then). It's a remake of The Day The World Ended, the Corman crap they used for the home game, just as The EEC was a remake for AIP television. The plot is simple: a bunch of folks survive a nuclear holocaust because of the extremely convient location of a man's house which happens to surrounded by cliffs radiation can't pass through and a spring that is safe...oh, nevermind, it's too complicated to get into (my riff: He went to all this trouble to build a house here...he'd have to be disappointed if there wasn't a nuclear war). I'll dispense with plot summary and instead tell you this movie features:
Silly Halloween type masks that are supposed to be mutants.
A man drowning a woman to death in a swimming pool (a big one)....with one hand! While he's crouching! Huh?
The same greasy queasy cinematography, same grimey feel, as Eye Creatures...how did LB get it that way? He must have tried real hard. Buchananvision. Why didn't he trademark it?!
A heroine with expressions so vacuous she makes the heroine of Manos look oscar worthy...
The dialog...I wish I still had my rented copy on hand to share it with you. My wife and I riffed this one to death. Great stuff.
It's Alive is even worse in a way. But repulsive. Way more repulsive. In fact, so disgusting it makes The The EC look like A Little Romance.
Buchanan is a sicko. If you see this film you will watch as:
the most obnoxious couple I have ever seen drive down a road in the rain thru the "Ozarks" for about five minutes more than the scenic drives in Manos (Buchanan--the Bella Tarr of sleeze!)
Watch as the couple stop at an Ozark tourist trap (the one bit of realism in the film) get locked in a cave with Tommy Kirk who looks strangely bloated (too many benders on the set of Catalina Caper?) and has circles so dark under his eyes, just looks so bad, he could have starred in a grainy tv movie of The Last Days of Jim Morrison (and, yes, he gained weight). Thrill as a man in a ridculous monster suit--the it, who is actually nearly superfluous as far as the plot goes--kills the husband--yay!--and his wife, just minutes later, starts hitting on...Mr. Kirk!
Throw up as we are treated to a a totally unecessary flashback of woman driving (again for minutes) being locked in a room by a madman (forgot to mention him: he discovered the "it" and feeds him humans) bringing her dead rats to eat, and later beating her with his belt. Now what I just described could have been told in a few minutes of dialog or in a quick montage, but BUCHANAN TREATS US TO TWENTY MINUTES OF THIS SICK PART OF THE STORY EVEN THOUGH IT IS MERELY BACK STORY We are treated to repeated shots of the ugliest man in the world LEERING SWEATY FACED CLOSE UPS OF HIM LAUGHING MADLY CRUELLY...................
I've been hurt bad. Can anyone help?
