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Post by mummifiedstalin on Jul 19, 2010 9:22:30 GMT -5
"My Ideal Government" by mummifiedstalin
If I was king of the world, I would mandate equal wealth for all world citizens, except for my harem of paraplegics, who would be treated like angelic beings.
I would mandate belief in my religion of Zwishenia, an enchanted world of fairy princesses who spend their days mining the aether for sky-snuff, a mild, non-addictive narcotic that induces heightened mood without any inebriating or degenerative effects.
I would handle dissent with my "Sceptre of Quietude." It works because the only person who can talk at government meetings is whoever's holding it, and it will be surgically attached to the back of my right calf, so it's largely out of the way during normal daily activities. Plus, I don't want to listen to dissent.
World economics would be handled by my crack team of money geniuses hired at local community colleges, because, really, who else is going to hire those people?
And, of course, the national holiday would be my birthday, which would be everyday after I institute my new calendar based on my birthday, and the new calculations of a year, which corresponds precisely to the length of the day on my birthday.
Oh, and taxes will be paid in pepperoni.
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Post by siamesesin on Jul 19, 2010 10:54:13 GMT -5
My Ideal Goverment
I will be the Empress. I have already chosen my Cabinet. We shall live in a hollowed out mountain and send forth decrees.
The Senate/Parliament will have an open bar. Filibusters will be allowed, but instead of droning speeches or percentage votes, it will require gladitorial bouts. If you don't want enviromental regulation, you better be ready to die! Civil servants will be fed and housed at the state's expense, but also at the state's choice. Medical and legal services will be at the state's discretion and no better than other citizens.
There will be birth control in the water supply. Parentage will require a two-year degree program.
I will have a harem. No forced contact, I just want a herd of pretties to follow me about.
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Post by GodoHell on Jul 19, 2010 11:42:52 GMT -5
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Post by Mr. Atari on Jul 19, 2010 11:58:27 GMT -5
I've mentioned it before, but I'm halfway through my constitution, establishing the rule of the lazy on behalf of the lazy; the world's first and only hammock-racy.
I hold this truth as self-evident: that people like to sit around and do nothing. So it should be their right. And government shall make no laws restricting or interfering with that right.
There's more, but I'm too lazy to finish it.
Oh yeah, the Tot Fairy is our national symbol. She's the patron saint of doing nothing. Except on Valborgsmässoafton Eve, when she brings fried potatoes to little Swedish children of all races. She's also really curvy and hot.
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Post by siamesesin on Jul 19, 2010 13:12:11 GMT -5
Darn, I wanted you as Minister of Silly Walks.
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Post by Don Quixote on Jul 19, 2010 17:35:30 GMT -5
Whoever writes the sexiest Ghostbusters slashfic wins a governorship.
Constant screaming will be broadcast on a radio frequency of my choosing. You are required to listen to it for one and one half hour every day.
Down Home with the Neely's will become the national anthem.
Paula Deen will contracted to provide recipes to prisons, in order to slowly, and (relatively) humanely, kill off all prisoners.
Whoever can masturbate the fastest wins the Olympics.
I hereby decree that no building in the capitol shall sit higher than my throne! The location of my throne shall change daily.
Also, I shall summon Dong Demons to keep the peace.
Whosoever pulls the Object of Questionable Origins from the Mattress Crust of Also Questionable Origins shall be the new Royal Janitor.
I demand a cyborg body. Not for me, but for anyone in my cabinet who tries to kill themselves.
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Post by Truck Farmer on Jul 19, 2010 23:26:10 GMT -5
Whoever can masturbate the fastest wins the Olympics. Finally an event where I can go for the gold! |
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Post by Mr. Atari on Jul 20, 2010 0:22:01 GMT -5
Darn, I wanted you as Minister of Silly Walks. I'd rather be the Secretary of the Interior. Lots of places to be lazy in those national parks. |
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Post by siamesesin on Jul 20, 2010 8:28:00 GMT -5
Darn, I wanted you as Minister of Silly Walks. I'd rather be the Secretary of the Interior. Lots of places to be lazy in those national parks. Done. DW will be Lord Marshall. Mitchell will be Secretary of State. And Mummi and McCloud will be Chief Wives. |
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Jul 20, 2010 8:59:45 GMT -5
I'd rather be the Secretary of the Interior. Lots of places to be lazy in those national parks. Done. DW will be Lord Marshall. Mitchell will be Secretary of State. And Mummi and McCloud will be Chief Wives. CATFIGHT! That bitch is goin' DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 |
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Post by siamesesin on Jul 20, 2010 9:00:50 GMT -5
That bitch is goin' DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 Must...resist...purity of board...at stake... |
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Post by Birdgirl90 on Jul 20, 2010 20:23:15 GMT -5
Alright, here's my idealistic government.
My government will be a place where creativity is allowed to run unstifled. I will be the leader, and will rule with a gentle yet firm hand.
Schools will be a place where students are allowed to follow their dreams, and in order to do so, traditional learning will be gone. Instead, all schools will be modeled after the college in the movie "Accepted". Foreign languages will still be studied, but among the options will be Elvish, Vulcan, and Shyriiwook, as well as others of the like.
Books will be an essential part of my government, as books are knowledge and knowledge is necessary to creativity. Therefore, all buildings will have some form of library open to the public. There will be time made during the work day for everyone who works to take a break and read.
Because of the open flow of knowledge, uprisings will be expected. I will encourage the uprisings and have plans in place to stop them. The leaders and members of said uprisings will be offered places as my staff, so that the government ideas do not grow old and that we can keep our government moving forward.
Taxes, being a necessary evil, will not be based on income. They will instead be personalized plans for each individual so that no one has to pay more than they can afford. College funds will be made available to everyone so that no one has to miss the opportunity to learn. The education and science (like NASA) budgets will be increased, and if you become unemployed, there will be protective measures to make sure you can support your family as you search for work.
In my power, I will control the Oldies station on the radio, making it so that it no longer plays 80's music, but only things from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. Also, it will no longer play the stupid things that most of the stations play, but the "good" oldies. I'm talking less soft stuff, more electric guitar - good, classic rock.
All other stations will be allowed to broadcast what they want; freedom of speech will be encouraged.
In this way, my society will live in a progressive and peaceful manner, providing for the community and helping everyone achieve what they want and to be at their full potential. (And I will stop the radio from playing complete trash in the progress.)
Thank you.
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Jul 20, 2010 20:30:50 GMT -5
Alright, here's my idealistic government. My government will be a place where creativity is allowed to run unstifled. I will be the leader, and will rule with a gentle yet firm hand. Schools will be a place where students are allowed to follow their dreams, and in order to do so, traditional learning will be gone. Instead, all schools will be modeled after the college in the movie "Accepted". Foreign languages will still be studied, but among the options will be Elvish, Vulcan, and Shyriiwook, as well as others of the like. Books will be an essential part of my government, as books are knowledge and knowledge is necessary to creativity. Therefore, all buildings will have some form of library open to the public. There will be time made during the work day for everyone who works to take a break and read. Because of the open flow of knowledge, uprisings will be expected. I will encourage the uprisings and have plans in place to stop them. The leaders and members of said uprisings will be offered places as my staff, so that the government ideas do not grow old and that we can keep our government moving forward. Taxes, being a necessary evil, will not be based on income. They will instead be personalized plans for each individual so that no one has to pay more than they can afford. College funds will be made available to everyone so that no one has to miss the opportunity to learn. The education and science (like NASA) budgets will be increased, and if you become unemployed, there will be protective measures to make sure you can support your family as you search for work. In my power, I will control the Oldies station on the radio, making it so that it no longer plays 80's music, but only things from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. Also, it will no longer play the stupid things that most of the stations play, but the "good" oldies. I'm talking less soft stuff, more electric guitar - good, classic rock. All other stations will be allowed to broadcast what they want; freedom of speech will be encouraged. In this way, my society will live in a progressive and peaceful manner, providing for the community and helping everyone achieve what they want and to be at their full potential. (And I will stop the radio from playing complete trash in the progress.) Thank you. What a horrible, hellish nightmare of liberal, sentimental, lovey-dovey bullpoopie! My country's gonna come kick your country's ass. We will trample on your creative faces, scream death-metal into your children's ears, and torture everyone that even suggests they have an opinion whether it's conformist or not. I'm gonna teach you hippies the meaning of law! |
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Post by Don Quixote on Jul 20, 2010 20:37:07 GMT -5
Too bad I already defeated both your countries.
Thirty-five minutes ago.
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Jul 20, 2010 20:39:23 GMT -5
bullpoopie. Those Paula Deen recipes you tried to feed your prisoners ended up infecting your citizenry and soldiers with a mutant plague. Your bodies start to crave their own fat and gristle, and your soldiers ended up eating themselves halfway to my country.
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