Top Ten Babes of MST3K! (your mileage may vary)

[Mike Flugennock]

So, gang, y'think there's a poll in this...?

10. The Pizza Dominatrix in The Selling Wizard: Her outfit is really stupid and she doesn't have a single line of dialogue in the whole piece, but what a cute smile... not to mention great legs. Hi-yoooooo!

9. Betty in Teenagers From Outer Space: Jeezus, what a raving cutie. Her hairdo really got me going -- that sort of dark black pseudo-Bettie Page cut with the short bangs was likely an inspiration for a generation of art-punk chicks twenty years later.

8. Beverly Garland in It Conquered The World: She was in one other MSTied movie that I recall, but I like her best in It Conquered The World. Of course, she really kicked butt in another old Corman nugget, Not Of This Earth -- which, sadly, escaped the clutches of MST3K. You can find it on YouTube; check it out.

7. Grace in The Unearthly: I know Natalie was supposed to be the other hottie in The Unearthly, but I just couldn't dig her. She just didn't exude the kind of cool, aloof class that Grace did.

6. Dave's slutty blonde wife in Attack Of The Giant Leeches: Man, oh, man, what a wonderfully deep-down filthy, dirty, trashy woman-child. If she hadn't been in this, she could've been a Tennesee Williams character. As I recall, her appearance in Playboy helped get her that part. Aaaahhh-wrrroooooooo!

5. Peaches Page in Racket Girls: She certainly had a deep-down natural stupidity about her, but, still -- I've always had a weakness for big, healthy gals like her. And, what an awesome frontal bike rack! She can lock me in a head scissor anytime. "I'm getting turned on by a woman who's long dead!" --Crow T. Robot.

4. The Catfighting Strippers in The Brain That Wouldn't Die: I nominate these two as a pair because, in the backstage catfight scene, they come together to create a whole greater than the sum of the parts. "...oh, at last something I can get behind...!" --Michael J. Nelson.

3. The Dark One's Mistress in Robot Holocaust: Granted, her thick German/Austrian (Scandanavian?) accent and pronounced lisp made her dialogue nearly unintelligible, and she couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag, but, c'mon, guys -- I'd totally hit it.

2. Lea, Commander Santa's daughter in Space Mutiny. Bad outfit, bad '80s hair, bad hoop dancing, bad acting -- but wowza, what an ass. How could I not love a hinder like hers? That's the kind of ass that causes 40% of all traffic accidents (see Last Clear Chance).

1. Mamie Van Doren in Girls' Town and Untamed Youth. Because... well, c'mon, guys, Mamie Van Doren.

[Space Teens]

Even though she was nucking futs, I have always had a soft spot for Serafina in Girls Town.

She's no Mamie van Doren, of course, but... who is?

[afriendlychicken]

Two words: Zigra Lady!! She can make my toe twitch let me tell you. ;D

[continosbuckle]

You're totally going to be roughhoused here for not listing Allison Hayes (#7) higher.

I will humbly add these possibilities.

Marta from The Crawling Hand, and similarly, Chase's foreign student girlfriend in Giant Gila Monster.

And if we want to say the show started off with a bang, you can't go wrong with the Pilgrim sisters in The Crawling Eye.

I do have to agree with the woman in The Selling Wizard, if only because she's overlooked.

Also: Marisa Mell. I will just leave that there.

[zombiewhacker]

1. The "fussinating" lady archaeologist from Werewolf.

2. Pretty much the entire female cast of Horrors of Spider Island.

3. Ditto the lady cast of Wild Wild World of Batwoman.

4. Joy Harmon from Village of the Giants.

5. Leslie McRae from Girl in Gold Boots.

[oldmanmerton]

10. Tracey Crisp - The Projected Man

9. Reiko Kasahara - Gamera vs. Zigra

8. Marisa Mell - Diabolik

7. Marjorie Stapp - Indestructible Man

6. Yvette Vickers - Attack of the Giant Leeches

5. Kim Cattrall - City Limits

4. Virginia Aldridge - High School Big Shot

3. Donna Martell - Project Moonbase

2. Lynn Frederick - Phase IV

1. Ann-Margret - Kitten with a Whip

[Mighty Jack]

Boy, I'm having a difficult time thinking of neat babes in MST. There were the Starbabies in Laserblast, that crying infant in Being From Another Planet. Then there were the shrimp babies in Blood Beast.... but other than that I don’t know that I really like babi--- what's that? You meant babes, as in attractive women... oh, well...




Oh, and I'd go with the often naked star of Italian cinema, guest star in an old Trek ep and the femme fatale in MSTs Agent From H.A.R.M.

Barbara Bouchet

[Mr. Atari]

Princess Helene from The Magic Sword is top 5, if not top 3.

Dolores Faith, who played a blind girl in one episode and a mute girl in another, deserves a spot. I'm not sure if being a fan of those two roles says more about her acting ability or my psychology. Hmm...

Alison Hayes is definitely higher than #7, especially when you consider what she brought to the screen in The Undead and Gunslinger.

zombiewhacker mentioned Joy Harmon from Village of the Giants. I vastly prefer the sweet, headband-wearing girlfriend. Not only did she admirably pretend Tommy Kirk was a masculine hero, but she was radiant in her Kennedy-era '60s charm. I've always been a sucker for Laura Petrie types.

[Monophylos]

Mr. B Natural!

To be fair, I'm sure that Betty Luster was fetching enough when she wasn't in Peter Pan costume.

[Dave Walker]

I have to vehemently disagree with Grandma Daughter being on this list at all. That aside, Ann-Margret and Yvette Vickers are top five for me. Two I would add are Barbara Bouchet from HARM and that woman from Prehistoric Planet who's name escapes me. Honorable mentions to Brigid Conley Walsh of Delta Knights and Cynthia Patrick of Mole People. I'm forgetting others but that'll do for me.

Feb 11, 2013 10:21:10 GMT -5 Mr. Atari said:

Alison Hayes is definitely higher than #7, especially when you consider what she brought to the screen in The Undead and Gunslinger.

Agreed. I am surprised you didn't mention your all time favorite: Peggy Webster.

[Mike Flugennock]

Feb 11, 2013 14:04:55 GMT -5 Dave Walker said:

I have to vehemently disagree with Grandma Daughter being on this list at all. That aside, Ann-Margret and Yvette Vickers are top five for me. Two I would add are Barbara Bouchet from HARM and that woman from Prehistoric Planet who's name escapes me...

Oh, man! Shame on me! I can't believe I forgot Ann-Margret -- and the Shipwrecked Babes from Horrors Of Spider Island! D'ahh, jeezus, is that ever bad. I suppose I could lose Lea (Space Mutiny) and Volaria, The Dark One's Mistress -- I mean, if we're compiling a strict Top Ten here.

Barbara Bouchet was attractive enough, in a sterile, overly-perfect '60s TV movie kind of way, but I couldn't really get into her because she looked too much like she was made out of plastic -- kinda like Helen, the saintly blonde in The Beatniks ("I've never seen an injection-molded face before!" --Tom Servo).

Actually, I just now finished watching Experiment 624 and just realized also... the "middle manager" of the Vampire Women and her Queen (that Anna Maria Alberghetti-looking chick) were super hot, too.

[Smash Lampjaw]

Feb 11, 2013 10:21:10 GMT -5 Mr. Atari said:

Princess Helene from The Magic Sword is top 5, if not top 3.

Yes! I'd watch that one without the riffing...just for her!

[Mighty Jack]

"Dr. Forrester has sent us a TRULY great movie" - Crow

Jean Moorhead as Paula Parkins in the Violent Years.

[mrsphyllistorgo]

While I wholeheartedly agree with Beverly Garland in general, her short-shorts wearing, gun waving, drunken raving prison escapee in Swamp Diamonds was THE epitome of Bad Girl Chic. If loving her is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

[mauto]

I'd like to add Tia Carrere from Zombie Nightmare. To quote Crow "Tia Carrere, we may actually have to pay attention to the movie".

Also, Jessica from The Thing that couldn't die, quoting Crow again at the end of the movie where there is a closeup of the charm on the necklace that Gordon gave her "The whole movie was made for this shot"

And I'd like to also nominate all of the women in Village of the Giants