Bakula to the Future: A Post-SOL Adventure!

[Torgo]

Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime,

Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator...

and vanished.

He awoke to find himself trapped in the past,

facing mirror images that were not his own

and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better.

His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time

who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear.

And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life,

striving to put right what once went wrong

and hoping, each time, that his next leap...

will be the leap home...

(In a flash of blue light, Sam finds himself in a high tech room with several people. He looks down and sees that he is wearing a weird blue jumpsuit)

Mayweather: Captain! We're at full impulse, we aren't budging.

(Sam looks at Mayweather with a puzzled look on his face)

T'Pol: Captain, the anomaly will tear the ship apart if we continue to struggle against it.

(Sam turns around to look at T'Pol. She was a very sexy woman in a tight catsuit. But what caught his attention were here ears. They were pointy! T'Pol sees Sam staring at her)

T'Pol: (with a stone cold expression) Captain. The anomaly?

(she nods to the viewscreen, Sam immediatly follows her gaze and on the viewscreen is a large pink wormhole)

Reed: Captain, what do we do?! We can't hold out much longer!

Sam: (still staring at the wormhole) Oh boy...

Reed: Captain, hurry! It's ripping us apart!

Sam: Uh............go...............in it?

Mayweather: Say what now?

T'Pol: Captian, that's insane.

Sam: If we pull away it'll tear us apart. I don't see any other option.

Reed: He's right.

Mayweather: (sighs) Here goes nothing...

(Mayweather steers the ship into the wormhole, causing sparks and all kinds of cool stuff to happen. Sam knew it was going to be a bumpy ride.

(Cue the Enterprise theme, "Faith of the Heart")

Best Brains presents

A Mr. Peaches production

A Torgo Fan Fiction

Bakula to the Future: A Post-SOL Adventure

Staring:

Michael J. Nelson as Mike Nelson

Bill Corbett as Crow T. Robot

Kevin Murphy as Tom Servo

Zoe McLellan as Logan St. Claire

Scott Bakula as Jonathan Archer and Sam Beckett

John Billingsley as Phlox

Jolene Blalock as T'Pol

Dominic Keating as Malcolm Reed

Anthony Montgomery as Travis Mayweather

Linda Park as Hoshi Sato

Connor Trinneer as Charles "Trip" Tucker

David Duchovny as Fox Mulder

Gillian Anderson as Dana Scully

Christopher Lloyd as "Doc" Emmett L. Brown

Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly

Mary Jo Pehl as The Oricle

Special Guest Appearance by Dean Stockwell as Al Calavicci

And Joel Hodgson as Joel Robinson

Written and Directed by Torgo

(the Starship Enterprise exits the wormhole on the other side. They have arrived near planet Earth. Suddenly a door of light appears as Al steps through it. Al immediatly stares at T'Pol's perfect figure)

Al: Holy...

Reed: Nice call captian.

T'Pol: (checking her screen) No casualties. But the ship is no condition to go anywhere. We may have to make some repairs.

Hoshi: Lucky for us we exited near earth.

Sam: Uh..........if you'd all excuse me.

(Sam exits the room, and wonders out into the halls with Al following him)

Sam: Al, where am I?

Al: I was hoping you could tell me. We couldn't find you then all of a sudden that big pink thing opened up and out you came!

Sam: Oh boy...

[Torgo]

First of all, let me appoligize for that terrible pun for a title. I'll never do that again. I swear!

[Torgo]

Al: Well this place is snazy. Kinda puts Ziggy to shame.

Sam: Speaking of Ziggy, does he know why I'm here?

Al: Know why you're here? Sam, we don't even know who you are this time. It's like that Logan chick all over again.

Sam: Well that's just great. Two leaps in a row.

Al: What happened after you Leaped? Maybe that'll help.

Sam: I was in that room. And there were all those people calling me captian, telling me to make a decision.

Al: What decision?

Sam: We were right in front of some giant wormhole. They told me the ship was falling apart. I told them to go through it.

Al: That might be it, Sam!

Sam: What?

Al: That might be why you Leaped into this body. To make that decision. You might have just saved hundreds of lives.

Sam: If that's true, why haven't I leaped?

Al: Maybe to get a good look at this place. What the hell is it?

Sam: I'm guessing some sort of space ship. Problem is, we have nothing like this in our time.

Al: Maybe it came from the future.

Sam: The future? You mean I leaped into the future? Doesn't that defy the rules of Quantum Leaping?

Al: Hold on, let me run this by Ziggy. (he punches a few buttons on that gizmo he's always carrying and waits a few moments) OK, this is what Ziggy says. You were trapped in that wormhole with no way out right?

Sam: Right.

Al: Ziggy says that this ship might have traveled back in time from an unknown date to the early 21st century. Because of this, this ship might have partially been in this time when trapped in the wormhole. Meaning you could have safely leaped into anyone here.

Sam: Huh?

Al: In other words, it's a fan fiction. Don't worry about it.

Sam: Oh. What date is it.

Al: You're not going to believe this, Sam...

Sam: Al, in the past 24 hours, I've flown, been in space, been in the future, went through a wormhole to the past, and met an alien woman. Try me.

Al: It's just a few hours after your last leap took place.

Sam: (shocked) You gotta be sh*ting me.

(T'Pol walks up to him)

T'Pol: Captain. We've been hailed by a mysterious being.

Sam: Uh................thanks?

T'Pol: (with a confused look on her face) ...and she wants to talk to you.

Sam: Oh! Uh...where?

T'Pol: (even more confused) On the bridge.

Sam: What bridge?

T'Pol: Captain, perhaps you are feeling ill...

Sam: No no no! I'm fine. Just take me........................wherever...

(T'Pol leads Sam back to the bridge. Al follows, not for Sam's sake, but to watch T'Pol's ass as she walked away)

Al: Boy, Sam. If this is what women of the future look like, I was born in the wrong time period.

Sam: (out of the corner of his mouth) What about the ears?

Al: What ears? (looks up) Woah!

T'Pol: Did you say something, Captain?

Sam: Huh? No. Just talking to myself.

T'Pol: About...............ears?

Sam: Yeah.............................I'm thinking about getting mine lowered. You know. A haircut?

T'Pol: Oh. (she continues walking, without giving him a second glance)

Al: Nice save, Sammy.

(they all re-enter the bridge where the Oricle is waiting on screen)

Oricle: Hi!

Sam: Oh no. Not again.

Oricle: Would you all, mind. I'd like to talk to your Captain in private.

T'Pol: Captain?

Sam: You better do it.

(T'Pol nods as all of the crew exit the bridge)

Oricle: Long time, no see, Sam. Hey, Al.

Sam: What is it this time?

Oricle: You know that little journey I sent my boys on? Well, this is the reason.

Sam: Where am I?

Oricle: Some starship called Enterprise from the mid-22nd century. You see these people were trapped in our time without a way of getting home. But I know a few people who can help them. All you gotta do is call a man named "Trip" on that panell over there, explain the situation, and tell him to beam these people up. Then you should Leap out of here and never hear from us again.

Sam: If it means that, I'll do it.

Oricle: Thank you. See ya.

(the screen turns blank)

Al: Do it, Sam. I'd be glad to get to a normal Leap just as much as you would be.

Sam: (approaches the panell and presses a button) Uh, Trip?

Trip: (over in engineering) Go ahead, Captain.

Sam: You know that wormhole we were trapped in? Well, it sent us into the 21st century.

Trip: What?

Sam: Um...there are a few people in Texas that should be able to help us. Could you beam them up?

Trip: Uh...OK...where are they.

Sam: They shouldn't be that hard to find. They're dragging around two robots.

Trip: OK, I think we found them. Not many people in Texas with robots. Which ones do you want me to beam up?

Sam: Uh..............just...all of them!

Trip: Can do. Tucker out.

(a blue flash swallows Sam whole as he leaps from one life to another.

When the flash is gone he finds himself sitting in a chair, in front of someone in a suit)

Man: Well, Mr. Bakula?

Sam: What?

Man: Major League: Back to the Minors. Will you do it?

Sam: Oh boy...

[crowTrobot65]

Star Trek meets MST3K? This is TOO good! Can't wait to see what happens!

[Torgo]

(back in 2001, Captain Jonathan Archer is walking to the transporter room with T'Pol)

T'Pol: And you got this information from what source?

Archer: That's the thing. I don't remember.

T'Pol: Then how can you know this for sure?

Archer: Well, we can ask them what year is when we get in there.

T'Pol: I hope you realize that I remain skeptical of this whole thing...

Archer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Time travel is impossible. I've heard this at least 17 times.

T'Pol: And you believe it is?

Archer: I read somewhere once that there was this scientist who disappeared around this time in history. When it was made public, they said it was because he was "leaping" through time. I saw a picture of him once. Damn, he was handsome.

(they enter the transporter room and meet Mike, Joel, Logan, Tom, Crow, Mulder, and Scully waiting inside with Trip)

Archer: Greetings. I'm Captain Jonathan Archer of Starship Enterprise. This is Subcomander T'Pol.

T'Pol: (puting out her hand to Mulder so he can shake it) Greetings from Vulcan.

(Mulder just stares at T'Pol's pointed ears. He reaches out and grabs one of them to make sure it's real. T'Pol looks at Mulder oddly)

T'Pol: (grabing his wrist and lowering his hand gently) I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't do that.

Archer: Me and the Subcomander here were having a little dispute. Maybe you can settle it for us. What year is it?

Joel: 2001.

Trip: So it's true then. We did go back in time.

Tom: But that still doesn't answer my question. Why the hell did you bring us up here?!

T'Pol: The captian has a............................gut feeling.

Archer: Yes. One that I'm following. Come. I'll get Phlox to check you out.

(they all enter the medical ward and meet the "so-cheerful-he's-creepy" Denoblian doctor, Phlox)

Phlox: Ah! I see our visitors have arrived. (his eyes go wide as he sees the robots) Oh wow! Actual synthetic life forms! I'd love to take these things apart and see how they work...

Crow: Hey! Hands off, Cheer-Boy!

Phlox: With a temper too! How facinating.

Joel: If you'd like, I could work up some blue prints and show you how I built them.

Phlox: That would be marvalous...

Mike: But we won't...

Joel: Huh? Why?

Mike: Imagin if these people learned how to build Crow and Servo, we'd have a future filled with Crows and Servos. Do we really want to doom these people to that?

Joel: Oh. Point taken.

Tom: Was that a burn?

(Mulder walks up to Phlox and sizes him up. He then pokes him as if he's trying to make sure he's real. He pokes Phlox again. And again. He keeps poking for a while)

Phlox: Excuse me. What are you doing?

(Mulder pokes him again)

Scully: Mulder, stop that!

(Mulder pokes him again. Soon T'Pol walks up to mulder and gives him the Vulcan nerve pinch. Mulder falls to the floor, out cold)

Phlox: Thank you, Subcomander.

T'Pol: Don't mention it. We should be going, Captain, so Phlox can begin.

Mike: Begin what? Why are we here?

Phlox: Standard quarantine procedure. (puts on rubber glove) Now, off with your clothes. All of you.

[Torgo]

D'oh! The thread broke. I fixed it.

I hate it when this happens.

[Torgo]

(A few hours later, Mike, Joel, Crow, Tom, Mulder, and Scully were all standing outside the medical ward. All fully clothed. All completly silent)

Scully: You guys promise not to tell anyone about this and we'll let you go when we get back to Earth.

Mulder: (whining) Scully!

Scully: What? I don't want everyone in the FBI knowing that I was felt up by some lumpy headed alien with a PhD. Not to mention the same thing happened to you.

Mulder: But Scully, we have eyewitnesses who can back this story up. We can finally prove that aliens exist!

Scully: No they don't. Let's just forget this whole thing.

Mulder: Awwwwwwwwww...

(Phlox exits the medical ward with Logan who is puting her leather jacket back on)

Phlox: I must say, Ms. St. Claire, out of all the patients I've ever had, I've never seen one enjoy a physical as much as you did.

Logan: Well, it's nice to have a doctor who knows where to put his hands. Especially one with a sexy skull structure like that.

Crow: If you two are done inducing my vomit, where do we go now?

(Archer aproaches the group)

Archer: Of course. Let's head on to the bridge.

(he leads them to the bridge. Waiting there are T'Pol, Trip, Reed, Hoshi, and Mayweather)

Archer: Meet my crew. Charles "Trip" Tucker III, he's the one who met you down in the transporter room. He's our engineer. The ones you don't know are on board for PC reasons. The british guy, Malcolm Reed, is our armory officer. The asian woman, Hoshi Soto, is our translator. And the black guy, Travis Mayweather, steers the ship. And you've already met Subcomander T'Pol from Vulcan. She's here to cause conflict by questioning everything I say.

Joel: Oh, that's a little harsh, isn't it?

T'Pol: It would be if it weren't true.

Joel: Oh.

Archer: So. How do we get back to our own time?

(silence)

Mike: Excuse me?

Archer: Trip filled you in, didn't he?

Mike: Yeah.

Archer: So, you know how to get us back, right?

Tom: Ha! Time travel? Mike barely knows how to make toast.

Archer: So you don't know how to travel in time?

Crow: Me and Servo did several times, but our time machine burned up when our ship hit the atmosphere and crashed.

Tom: Yeah. We screwed up the past pretty good. Crow killed Mike and I inspired Hobgoblins.

Mike: Killed me?

Crow: Don't worry. We fixed that up.

Mike: Oh...

Archer: So you have no way of getting us back?

Tom: Not that I can think of. You might wanna ask Agents Sceptic and Screwloose here.

Mulder: I wouldn't know.

Scully: Me neither.

Archer: You mind standing outside? I'd like to talk to my crew.

[crowTrobot65]

You didn't write yourself into a corner, did you Torgo? Story's great so far!

[Torgo]

crowTrobot65 said:

You didn't write yourself into a corner, did you Torgo? Story's great so far!

No, I'm fine. I'm just not pumping these parts out like I was doing before. I'll probably get more done tonight.

But I did have this weird Enterprise related dream last night. Porthos was urinating on the hull, causing it to rust and eventually breach. I thought about working that into the story somehow, but I had no clue how to go about it. So I just thought I'd share.

[Torgo]

(Mike, Joel, Logan, Tom, Crow, Mulder, and Scully all leave)

Trip: Well, that sure as hell was a dead end. And now they know too much about the future too.

Reed: Want me to kill them?

Archer: That won't be necessary. Something tells me these people don't really care where they are.

T'Pol: What do you plan to do with them now, Captain?

Archer: I still have that feeling that they're up here for a reason. We'll keep them for a while. If we don't find anything out...

(suddenly the alarms start going off)

Trip: What the hell?

T'Pol: (looking at her screen) Sensors aren't picking anything up outside the ship.

Reed: Must be coming from the inside.

T'Pol: Human intelect at it's finest.

Archer: Oh my god? Sarcasm? From a vulcan?

T'Pol: That was not sarcasm, more of an observation.

Archer: ...

Trip: What about our new friends?

Archer: Right. Let's find them, see if they have anything to do with this.

(Archer, Trip, and Reed all leave the bridge and find Mike, Joel, Logan, Crow, Tom, Mulder, and Scully all standing outside. Mike's got a guilty look on his face)

Archer: What the hell just happened?

Tom: Mike leaned against that techno gizmo thingy on the wall. Then those sirens started blasting.

Trip: That thing's a communication device. How the hell would that set off the alarms?

Crow: Mike here doesn't bode well with advanced machines.

Tom: Yeah, he patted me on the head once, I thought I was John Travolta for a week.

Crow: Oh, that was hell. You kept trying to sell us a script for Battlefield Earth Part Duex.

Trip: For the love of god... (he hits the communication button on the wall) Commander Tucker to bridge. False allarm. Shut them down.

(soon the hall was silent)

Logan: Soooooooooooo...what do you guys do for fun up here?

Reed: "Fun?" What is this "fun" you speak of?

Trip: Ignore Mr. Sunshine here, he doesn't really get out much.

Joel: Well, that would be kind of hard, considering this is a space ship and all.

(everyone stares at Joel)

Joel: Just sayin'.

Trip: Yeah, well, we usually have a movie night. Maybe we should do one tonight to relax the crew.

Archer: Good thinking, Trip. Spread the word.

Tom: Movies? In space? Ahhhhhhh...memories...

Mulder: Bah. The only good movie ever made was that documentary War of the Worlds.

Scully: Mulder, that wasn't a documentary.

Mulder: Is it, Scully? Maybe it's just another cover up.

Logan: You two are begining to frighten me.

[Torgo]

(later that night, Joel, Mike, Logan, Tom, and Crow were all sitting in the theater with most of the crew of Enterprise sitting behind them)

Crow: What happened to those Agent people?

Joel: I think the insane one's following the pointy eared woman around, and the other one's pretty following him to make sure he doesn't make too much of an ass out of himself.

(Trip walks over and sits down next to them)

Trip: Projector's all ready.

Tom: What movie?

Trip: We've been watching those Alien movies. Been scaring the hell out of the crew since we work in space and all. Freakin' hillarious.

Mike: What one are we watching?

Trip: Alien: Resurrection.

Tom: Bad movies in space? Wow, more memories flooding in.

(the theater goes dark as the 20th Century Fox logo pops up on the screen)

Mike: Heh, 20th Century. I guess that meant more five years ago.

Tom: Why haven't they changed that anyway?

Crow: I guess it's nastalga reasons. Movies seem to get progressivly crappier as time goes on and this reminds us of better movies that we could be watching.

(credits start up with light brownish, slimey figures in the background)

20th Cetury Fox Presents

Tom: So are we looking at the inside of a septic tank? Where the hell are we?

A Brandywine Production

Joel: Ah, I had no idea Brandy made her own wine.

Sigourney Weaver

Winona Ryder

Mike: The cheap sequel to Easy Rider.

Alien: Resurrection

Tom: And it ironicly kills the franchise. Coincidence? You decide.

Ron Perlman

Logan: Guys, I'm kinda not in the mood for this. I'm gonna wonder around. OK?

Joel: Go ahead.

(Logan gets up and leaves)

Dan Hedaya

Mike: Dan Hedaya? Oh, I get it. This is supposed to be a satire of the Alien movies.

Crow: I'm afraid not, Mike. It just means that we're going to see a lot of body hair in this movie.

(we follow Logan outside of the theater as she walks down the halls, past T'Pol, Mulder, and Scully)

Mulder: Just answer one question, why the anal probes?

T'Pol: What exactly is your obsession with... (she pauses) ...that?

(Logan wasn't around to hear Mulder's answer, she walked straight toward the medical ward and enters. There she finds Phlox looking over data)

Phlox: Ah. Ms. St. Claire. How may I help you?

Logan: (shuting the door behind her) I have this problem. I think you can help me with it.

Phlox: Well, I'll see what I can do. What is this problem?

Logan: (staring seductively into his eyes) Abstinence.

Phlox: (with quite a shocked look on his face) Oh. Uh...well, I don't usually perscribe anything for that.

Logan: But I can. Don't try to hide from me, I checked. You're race doesn't believe in monogomy.

Phlox: Well, that's quite true...

Logan: Then shut up. You're hotter when you're not talking with that high voice of your.

(she tackles him onto the table.

We thankfully cut to about an hour and forty minutes later, back at the theater)

Ripley: (on the screen) I'm a stranger here myself. (she looks out onto planet Earth from a window)

Tom: Ripley will be back in Alien: Insurrection...

Joel: Followed by Alien: Disection...

Crow: Alien: His Erection...

Mike: And Alien: Misdirection.

(the movie ends and the lights go up. The entire crew behind them stands up and cheers)

Tom: ...the hell?

Trip: Guys! That was great! Phlox used to talk during movies, but you guys...you guys turned it into an art form.

Crow: Really? I always thought of it as a way of keeping our sanity and not a means of entertainment. Maybe we should get our own TV show?

Joel: Us on TV? (thinks for a moment) Nah. That would never work.

(just then the doors open as T'Pol rushes inside)

T'Pol: Commander Tucker, Mr. Nelson, Mr. Robinson. The captain would like to see you all on the bridge.

[Torgo]

(Trip, T'Pol, Mike, Joel, Tom, and Crow all enter the bridge)

Trip: What's going on, captain?

Archer: We're getting readings from down on Earth. Similar to the scans we got back from the wormhole that sucked us in.

Trip: So you're saying another one opened up?

Archer: Not quite. We took an image from where it appeared...

(an image pops up on the big screen)

Trip: That's weird. Looks like some sort of flying train.

Archer: Exactly. And considering we're getting the same readouts as the wormhole, I'm jumping to the conclusion of...

T'Pol: Time travelers?

Archer: You sound sceptical. Even after all we've been through.

T'Pol: Excuse me if I don't take the word of a bunch of ne'er-do-wells wearing black leather. (to Mike and Joel) No offense.

Mike: None taken.

Archer: Well, we're going to see exactly what's up down there. Commander Tucker will beam us down. By the way, where's Ms. St. Claire?

Joel: I don't know. I haven't seen her for a while.

(we cut to outside the medical ward where Hoshi is standing. We hear Logan's moans coming from inside)

Hoshi: Dr. Phlox! Wow. She must be in pain with all that screaming. All I have is this broken wrist...

(cut back to the bridge)

Archer: Well, never mind her. We gotta get down there.

Crow: Yay! We're going back to Earth! It's been a while.

Mike: It's only been about 3 hours.

Crow: I know, it just seems longer, like back in the days on the Satellite of Love when we were just begging to get home. Ah, those were the days.

(we cut to Earth's surface as six figures beam down. They soon take the forms of Archer, T'Pol, Mike, Joel, Crow, and Tom. Archer is holding a scanner and T'Pol is covering her ears with a bandana)

Archer: Signal's coming from over there. (he points east)

(they follow Archer until they find themselfs standing in front of a train just parked in the middle of a field)

Tom: Wow, is he going to get some ticket.

(suddenly, a teen wonders out from around the train)

Marty: Hey, Doc! I think we're gonna have to... (he stops and stares at the strangers in front of him) Uh oh.

Archer: Don't be alarmed. We just want to ask you a few questions.

Marty: Doc!

(Doctor Emmett L. Brown walks around the train)

Doc: What, Marty? (spots the strangers) Great Scott.

Archer: We'll only be a few minutes. Are you by any chance time travelers?

Doc: Uh......................................no.................

Archer: OK then. (takes out communicator) Trip...

Joel: Wait. You're just going to stop just like that?

Archer: Why not? If they're not time travelers, why would we need them.

Joel: Just a second. Listen, the guy in the blue jumpsuit and the woman with the big Angelina Jolie lips are both from the future. They were caught in some sort of wormhole and need a lift back to there time. Are you sure you're not time travelers?

Crow: Very suttle, Joel.

Doc: Great Scott! That is a problem. Yeah, we're time travelers. Maybe we could work something out.

[Torgo]

(we cut back to Enterprise, where inside the briefing room, we find Archer, T'Pol, Trip, Mike, Joel, Tom, Crow, Marty, Doc, and finally Logan, who is leaning against the table smoking a cigarette)

T'Pol: (to Logan) Your behavior is not logical.

Logan: You talking to me?

T'Pol: Of course.

Logan: And what's not logical about a little afterglow?

T'Pol: It's been proven that with every puff of that cigarette you take, you take several minutes off of your life.

Logan: I had a good run.

T'Pol: But it is not logical. You gain nothing in return.

Logan: (staring at T'Pol in silence) OK, look bitch, I don't go around questioning every little thing you do. Even though I'd have a thing or two to say about the tomboy haircut, so get off my back.

Archer: Ladies, if you please. Now, Dr. Brown, Mr. McFly, we've explained our situation. How about expaining yours.

Marty: Well everything you need to know is right here. (picks up DVD case, looks towards the camera, and begins mugging) Back to the Future trilogy on DVD. Now availible at a store near you. (smiles)

Archer: O.........................K............but why did you come to this year?

Marty: Me and Doc were in the future and we found out Al Gore and George W. Bush ran for president in the year 2000.

Doc: No matter who won, we wanted to see what kind of hell broke loose in the aftermath.

Trip: Right...so now that we know that you can travel in time, how do we use that to help us?

Doc: I could help turn this ship into one big time machine for you.

Archer: How long would that take?

Doc: About 10 years. Maybe more. This thing is huge.

Archer: Throw that in the maybe pile.

Joel: What about your time machine? Couldn't you haul this thing into the future? Like some sort of time towtruck?

Doc: That's a good idea. We'd need cables.

Trip: Got those.

Doc: But the question is, how do we hook the cables up?

Marty: What do you mean?

Doc: You'd have pretty much no control of your movement in outerspace. There's no telling where you'd end up. The placement of the cables has to be precise.

Marty: Why?

Doc: To make the mission more difficult than it needs to be.

Archer: How many would we have to hook up?

Doc: Three. On to the side of the saucer, one to the other, and one to the middle.

Mike: Finally, some action. We were starting to get worried that we'd have no stunts in this story.

Archer: What are you talking about?

Mike: Joel and I can both fly.

T'Pol: Impossible.

Logan: Is she like this all the time?

Trip: Afraid so.

Logan: I'm glad I'm not part of your crew. Dealing with her day in, day out. I'd kick her ass by now.

Marty: So, wait. You two can fly? Like Superman or something?

Joel: In a way.

Marty: How?

Joel: How should we know? We aren't writing this.

Mike: So do we have a plan?

Archer: Sounds good to me. Dr. Brown?

Doc: Sounds like fun. I'm in.

[Torgo]

(We cut now to the group of Mike, Joel, Doc, and Marty all on the transporter pad decked up in EVA suits. Archer, Trip, T'Pol, Crow, Tom, Logan, Scully, and Mulder are standing by)

Joel: You got anything bigger than this. It's riding up on me.

Trip: It's all we got. Unless you want to go out there in your birthday suit, I'd suggest that you don't complain.

Archer: We transported your time machine in front of Enterprise. You know what to do?

Doc: Yes.

Marty: Yeah.

Mike: No.

Joel: Think so.

Archer: I'll be on the bridge to make sure this works.

(Archer leaves as Mike, Joel, Doc, and Marty are all beamed directly inside the train. Mike, Joel, and Marty grab the cables that were beamed down with them)

Marty: (steping onto the hoverboard) OK, Doc. We're ready.

Doc: Let's do it, Marty!

(Joel and Mike grab Marty by the arms and float him to the back of the train. They each hook one cable up. Joel to the right, Mike to the left, Marty in the middle)

Marty: Ready, guys?

Joel: I guess.

Mike: No.

Marty: Let's go!

(Marty pushes off and heads toward the center of the saucer section of Enterprise. Mike and Joel both float swiftly to their sides of the saucer. Since they have a degree of control, they get there first)

Joel: Hooked on.

Mike: Me too.

Doc: Great. How are you doing, Marty?

Marty: Doc? I'm not slowing down. I think I'm gonna...HOLY SH*T!

(ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Marty crashes straight into the hull, drops the cable, and starts spining out of control)

Marty: Woah!

Joel: I got him. Mike, grab the cable.

Mike: OK.

(Joel floats up to Marty and grabs him before he can float further away, and then procedes to take him back to the train. Mike grabs the cable and hooks it up)

Mike: Last one.

(Mike floats his way back toward the train and they all get in)

Marty: Go Doc!

Doc: Right. Date: February 1st, 2155. Thrusters on.

(The train moves forward, but before it hits 88 MPH, Mike in a moment of relief leans on the consol. Sparks start flying and the time meter cranks into the 2200's. Both the train and Enterprise disappear and reappear in a different time.

Back in the transporter room)

Crow: Oh, good one Nelson.

Logan: Huh? What are you talking about?

Crow: I just got this sixth sense. It triggers when ever Mike screws something up.

Logan: Oh.

(on the bridge)

Archer: What the hell?

(he looks out into the stars and spots a starship, but unlike any design he's ever seen. It was the Enterprise, commanded by Captain James T. Kirk.

On Kirk's bridge)

Kirk: Fire...............................Photon Torpedoes.

Spock: May I ask the logic in this action?

Kirk: None. I..........................................just like blowing sh*t......................................................up.

(back on the train)

Mike: Woops.

Doc: We went to the wrong time. I'll get us out of here.

(he puts in the right year in and they start moving again. Just then two Photon Torpedoes are shot from Kirk's Enterprise)

Marty: Doc!

Doc: Great Scott!

(he puts the thrusters on full blast and in no time they are warped back to the right time.

Soon after, they're all beamed aboard to fet rid of the EVA suits. Archer walks back in)

Archer: You mind telling me what happened out there? I've never seen a starship like that.

Doc: Minor mishap. Don't worry. We're in your time.

Archer: I hope so.

Trip: Alright, I beamed that train of yours back down to the surface. You can get back to your time from there.

Mulder: Wait! I got so many questions!

(T'Pol nerve pinches him again. He flops down on the floor)

Scully: You gotta teach me how to do that.

(soon enough, everyone's dressed up in their normal clothes)

Mike: Well, I guess we should be going.

Logan: Wait, T'Pol? I was wondering if you could give that sexy doctor on this ship a message for me?

T'Pol: Of course.

(Logan grabs T'Pol's face and kisses her passionatly on the lips)

Tom: Woah! That was spontanious.

Logan: (breaking the embrace) OK, I'm ready.

Trip: Beaming down.

(Mike, Joel, Logan, Tom, Crow, Scully, Doc, Marty, and an out cold Mulder are all beamed down to the surface.

We cut to UPN headquarters)

Braga: Wow! Ratings are through the roof!

Berman: I told you, crossovers and lesbians pay off big time!

Braga: You're a genius, B!

[Torgo]

(Back in the future, inside Doc's train)

Doc: Ready? We're going back to 2001.

(the train's wheels pop underneath it as it begins hovering and it flies away)

Mike: (wiping the sweat off his brow) Whew. I'm glad that's over. (puts hand on consol again)

Crow: Mike, NO!

(sparks start flying as they hit 88 MPH. They are sent back to the past)

Tom: OK, what year are we in?

Joel: Hey look down there!

(the all crowd to a window and see a bunch of building structures)

Scully: So?

Joel: That's Gizmonics Institute. I thought they tore that place down.

(suddenly one of the buildings opens up and a rocket shaped like a dogbone rises)

Crow: It's the SOL!

(as they soar above, the SOL's rockets start firing and it lifts off heading right toward them)

Doc: GREAT SCOTT!

Marty: Get us out of here!

Crow: Mike! Don't touch anything!

(Doc sets date for 2001 and the fly off out of the way, dissapearing before the SOL can hit them.

They reappear in the correct date, this time)

Mike: Is it over now?

Doc: I think so.

Tom: You think you could give us a lift back to Texas? Our car is kinda parked there.

Doc: No problem.

(hours later, they end up back at the FBI headquarters in Texas. Scully tosses out the still out of it Mulder and Mike, Joel, Logan, Crow, Tom, and Scully all walk off the train)

Mike: Thanks for the lift!

Doc: See you in the future!

Marty: Bye, y'all!

(the train flies away and disappears in time)

Crow: So.......................now what?

(Joel's cell rings)

Joel: (answering it) Hello?

Oricle: Hi again!

(Joel sighs)

Tom: Three guesses who it is.

Oricle: New destination, New Jersey.

Joel: What? New Jersey? Why New...

(the Oricle hangs up)

Mike: We're going to New Jersey?

Joel: Yeah.

Scully: (to Mike) Do you want your brother back, or...?

Mike: Nah. You keep him.

Scully: OK then. It's been interesting.

(she walks back into the FBI building)

Joel: Well if we're going to New Jersey, we're gonna need gas money.

Logan: No prob.

(she walks over to Mulder, still out on the street, and pulls his wallet out of his pants)

Joel: Isn't that stealing?

Logan: We showed him aliens, I think he owes us.

Mike: Sounds good to me.

Tom: So, where'd we park?

Joel: I think we were at Eddie's house.

(they all walk back to Eddie's house.

We cut to their car, parked in front of Eddie's house. A lone bulky figure holding a chainsaw walks up to it. He pops open the trunk, climbs in, and closes it behind him. None of the gang see this as they walk up to the car and get in)

Crow: ROAD TRIP! AGAIN! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(they drive off. Cue "Bodies" by Drowning Pool)

To Be Continued...

Dana Scully......................Gillian Anderson
Jonathan Archer.....................Scott Bakula
Sam Beckett.........................Scott Bakula
Rick Berman.................................Himself
Brannon Braga..............................Himself
Phlox................................John Billingsley
T'Pol...................................Jolene Blalock
Guy with chainsaw.........Andrew Bryniarski
Crow T. Robot..........................Bill Corbett
Fox Mulder......................David Duchovney
Marty McFly.......................Michael J. Fox
Joel Robinson.......................Joel Hodgson
"Doc" Emmett L. Brown...Christopher Lloyd
Malcolm Reed..................Dominic Keating
Logan St. Claire....................Zoe McLellan
Travis Mayweather.....Anthony Montgomery
Tom Servo............................Kevin Murphy
Mike Nelson...................Michael J. Nelson
Spock................................Leonard Nimoy
Hoshi Sato...............................Linda Park
Oricle...................................Mary Jo Pehl
James T. Kirk....................William Shatner
Charles "Trip" Tucker.........Conner Trinneer