How Would You Rate This MST?: CAVE DWELLERS

[al27]

Thank you, everybody that played, its a lot more fun to do this game when you don't have a troll flaming you every post like when I was on the SciFi bboard, you guys are alright. Anywho...

Here are the rules again:

You watch CAVE DWELLERS or you remember it from last time, whatever.

You rate said episode using a 1 to 10 rating. 1 being, "This episode totally sucks! It is so bad it physically hurt me!" and 10 being "One of the best episodes I’ve ever seen in my life!”

Then you tell me and everyone reading this post why that episode deserves that rating, whether it be good or bad. Go into as much or as little detail as you want, but more is always more entertaining.

And if you want to rate the short separately from the movie, like I’m doing, feel free.
I'll go first:

CAVE DWELLERS: Oh. My. God. This has to be the single worst movie in the history of mankind. I know MANOS was more boring than this but think about this movie for a while, what time does it take place? They have barbarians, samurai, cave men, people who hang glide(!!!) and a castle from 17th century Europe that’s obviously been modernized because it has glass windows and metal chimney spouts! And the plot, what was it again? The bad guy wants a crystal and the old guy has it, so the bad guy takes the old guy captive in what would seem to be his own domain, but then the old guy’s daughter gets Ator, a guy of some importance to go and fight the bad guy. Along the way, he encounters the samurai, invisible people whom he fights (this part is worse than every second of MANOS) and somehow builds and flies a very well made, modern looking hang glider to break into the castle and fight bad guy. Seriously, why did the bad guy wait to use the crystal thingy, did Ator need to be there for it to work? Who were the village, what was the stuff with the snake, how do SAMURAI AND CAVE MEN CO-EXIST?!?!?!?! WHAT WAS WITH THE EXPOSITION AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE, WHY DO YOU HAVE HIM FIGHT A GIANT SPIDER, AND ONLY USE 3 SECONDS OF THE FOOTAGE, WERE THEY HOPING TO MAKE A SEQUEL OR WHAT!!! Oh god, this movie was bad. And to put the cap on the whole thing, the credits have scenes that weren’t any part of the movie at all! THIS MOVIE HURT ME, MAN, HURT ME!!! AAAAUUUUGGHHHHHHHH!!!

But I am done with my ranting now, as the episode wasn’t too bad. The riffing was a little light for me, but it is a very old episode, so I can live with that. On the plus side, while there weren’t a lot of riffs, the ones that were there were pretty good, I especially liked some of the sound effects like when the evil long haired guy pokes Ator in the pec and Servo goes “Dinggggg Dong!” Or when the dull old guy is putting that scroll in the tube and someone goes “Shoooooo DUNK!” It’s good that way. Lots of good site gags, too, I laughed out loud when Joel got up during the opening credits to peer over the black wall and he says, “Hey, take a look at this, you guys are missing out. Also, Servo hitting his head on Ator’s chin was priceless too. The host segments were great though, especially the reenacting of the credits sequence. Overall, not bad, I’m sure I’ll appreciate it more after a couple of viewings, as I have only watched it twice. But right now, it’s a decent, but sure to be better later 8 out of 10.

See? Easy!

For next week, I’m finishing up my box set with an episode I have seen and enjoy, a little MST legend called POD PEOPLE. I hope to see you there.

-al27

[marytrobot]

I gotta agree with you, I haven't seen it in a while though. From what I remember i saw and i absolutely loved every moment of it. It was so good to my friend and I we wanted to watch it again right away like we had with Mitchell, the problem with the second time around is, you try to concentrate more on the plot, we stopped about 10 minutes in. I love it but it can only be watched every once in a while to keep up the quality. They've got classical riffs, one part that always sticks out is when they say "What do you, the viewers at home think." and of course the host segments are priceless, "the barbarian is wearing RAYBAND SUNGLASSES" I give it a 7ish

[Gemini Man]

Solid episode! Loved the continuity errors.

I'd give it a 7

[Ator]

Cave Dwellers is one of my favorites! The riffing has this charm, along the lines of Pod People. The characters are goofy, the sets cheap, and the script....is.......very.......spaced.....out.

Definitely a 10. Check out my review:

www.atorsmst3ksite.com/ep301.html

[mrsphyllistorgo]

Hoo, boy, Cave Dwellers. I remember a furious debate at the Sci-Fi board over where they got the footage for the credits, since it sure wasn't from the film itself! I like this episode for the way it demonstrates that the worst, most horrific piece of crap in the world can be enjoyable if you make fun of it! In this one, it's the way they say things, such as when Ator demands of the two villagers "who are you?" and Joel says, "Uhh.... we're...pirates." That read makes me laugh every time! I especially loved the outlining of the gross continuity errors in the last host segment amd the John Saxon villian's parading about. I give this one a 7.


mrsphyllistorgo

I don't believe it, they were too cheap to hire villians.

[Bart Fargo]

"How much O'Keefe is in this movie?"
"Miles O'Keefe." - Joel/Tom.

Ah, this one brings back some memories. Many of them not pleasant about the film. Miles O'Keefe, steroid king from Ripley, Tennessee starred as Ator. European slab of cheesecake Lisa Foster co stars as Mila, and let's not forget that John Saxon-y guy. Joe D'Amato wrote, directed, and did the cinematography for this film. For some weird reason, he chose alternative names for this project. Then again, the list of alternate names he has used is a mile long.

As for this film itself, Ator is basically a Conan the Barbarian rip-off. Much of the plot rips off Conan the Barbarian too. It relies pretty heavily on showing Miles O'Keefe in very little for hormonal young women. It flops a lot.
Joel and the bots do make a lot of good riffs such as the one above to turn this slagheap of Italian cinema into something more palitable. This film is among the first stinkburgers from Italy to be torn to shreds by MST3K (among the others are Secret Agent Super Dragon, Danger!! Death Ray, and Escape 2000.) The hosting segment where they mock the opening credits is pretty funny.

Overall rating: 8.563 of 10

[Torgo]

Straight from Torgo's Review Thread:

301-Cave Dwellers

Premise: In this Conan cash-in, the behubcaped babe daughter of Akronas, a captured old guy, goes in search of beefcake Ator and his trusty Thong..................................that is his trusty sidekick, Thong, to convince him to help her save her father. Ator agrees and leads the way to one zany situation after another. First up a fight to the death with budget-saving invisable villians. After that an escape from the ancestors of the Flintstones. Next a battle with the warriors of clown-white. Then they face some major fans of the movie Anaconda (see? A Jennifer Lopez movie cannot lead to anything good). Until the final battle with the allmighty John Saxon Wannabe!

What makes this movie bad?: You know what makes this a unique episode for me? My local video rental store has this movie unMSTed (amoung several other movies that were on the show, like Soultaker and Werewolf)! Not under the title Cave Dwellers but under it's original title! I'd pick it up but I'm scared to watch this movie without the aid of my SOL buds. They also got the original Ator movie there as well. I'd pick that up for continuity purposes but I hear it's no better. This is one cheesy movie. But I'm probably the wrong person to ask about whether this type of movie is good or bad. I didn't even like Conan the Barbarian and I'm a major Schwarzenegger fan. But I do know cheese when see it and this was a nice slab of cheddar.

Episode Review: I'm surprised that they never did any of the other Ator movies. If all would have turned out this good we would of had a great series of episodes here! This is the earliest MST masterpiece I've seen so far! An think, if they would have bought the rights to other Ator movies we could have had Ator marathons, showing movies in order. That would have been a blast. Oh well, though. I can dream can't I?

The riffing is top notched throughout the entire episode. One funny bit after the next. One of the funniest being early in the movie when Ator is writing something down while having a conversation Hubcap Gal, and during the whole thing Tom Servo is sounding out the words like Ator is writing the script as they go along. Oh god, I was on the floor!

The host segments are some of the best the show has to offer. The redo of the opening credits, naming props, a lesson in foley, and list of continuity errors all just great. The invention exchange on the other hand, while the Robot Arm Wrestling is amusing, the smoking jacket left me with a blank look on my face. Although I will admit that the speech Joel gave leading up to it was funny. I noticed that in every host segment Servo is wearing a fez. Why? I don't know, but he doesn't have it in the theater segments!

Excelent episode! Do not miss under any curcumstance!

**** out of ****

Best Riff: "You idiot! We don't even have a doe license!" - Tom Servo

[al27]

My favorite riff, which I forgot to include:

Ator: "Its too quiet."

Everbody: "Too, too quiet."

As the cut out Guiness beer dudes would say: "BRILLIANT!"

-al27

[Mr. Atari]

Didn't do it for me.

I think it's overrated. In the whole sword and scorcery genre, give me Outlaw or give me Death...

...stalker.

[NewGirl731]

I'm with you al27, I don't care for this one.

I give it about a 4. There were some funny things in it, but it mostly dragged on, and the music was just too too Yani for me to remain conscious without a struggle. You know a movie's bad when they have to order out for their opening credit sequence, but I recall the sci-fier's seemed to think there was another of these movies? I don't remember.

I did like Joel and the bots' rendering of the opening credits though. And I thought the main bad guy with the Freddie Mercury mustache was laughably funny - God he tried hard.

[Jack Burton]

OK, this is the first Season Premiere that I remember reminding myself to watch. When I watched it in the morning i thought it was alright. Then I watched the evening replay and fell on my ass laughing. It still kills me. The "More lucid version of the opening credits" kills me." The Smoking Jacket kills me. The whole hang gliding thing kills me. and of course, ITS A GRAPHIC NOVEL!!!. 10+