All We Have Is Each Other--Wussy!

[mrsphyllistorgo]

As many of you know, I got in a little atercation last week with a person who decided that insulting me and throwing his weight around was a good idea, and ended up being arrested (hee!)--but I have to admit, I was not as dignified as I could have wished, my only weapon being a towel, and with all due respect to Douglas Adams, you want something a little more intimidating in that situation. Like a club. Or a chainsaw.

But it's an ill wind that blows no good, and I got a great game idea out of it! This week, I want the wussiest, pussiest, dumbest-ass fight scene in the cinematic reels of MST3K! As men wrestle with dinosaurs and women with each other, let's hear it for our age oldest way of settling disputes!

Bonus question: have you ever been in a fight?

See replies for last time's winners!

mrsphyllistorgo


Sorry, Mike...flesh....

[mrsphyllistorgo]

Who Left This On My Front Steps Winners!



Man oh Manos, GREAT ANSWERS! I kept putting off doing the next edition of the game because I couldn't decide, but I eventually faced up to my duty, and the winner is..............











BLURRYEYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your very thoughtful and giggle inducing review of the Bum magnet town portrayed in "Girl in Lovers Lane" wins you a yellow dress with ruffles and unlimited dimes for the jukebox! And no, you can't toss them in the pond instead, I don't care how much you like the rings they make.

As a tie for runner up are losingmydignity and interoceter! You each recieve a lovely jumpsuit and chrome spotlight. Admire your reflection, won't we?

I must mention quamp for his pointing out that homelessness is not a prerequesite for bumming. You win a blender! Rinse it out first.


Everybody play again this week!


mrsphyllistorgo


Am I doing this right, Mr. Big Stupid?

[Blurryeye]

Wa-hoo! Ah, the sweet glory of triumph in All We Have Is Each Other! Now I finally have that yellow dress with ruffles, so I can go on my dream date and be nuzzled by a drifter! Thank you kindly, Mrs Phyllis. I'll post an entry for the new game later, when my victorious high has receded enough for me to think clearly.

[losingmydignity]

Another I'll post my post later---

I call dibs on the the two losers (Cardoza and the other guy) in SKYDIVERS. IT'S MINE, IT'S MINE! DIBS!

...stay tuned for a ringside report from our own inimitable Dr. Freundshaft.

[Miss Interoceter]

Unlike everyone else, I actually have an answer! ;D

My great wussy fight comes from the year 5000. Well, not really, but it all has to do with the year 5000. [/echo] And it's wussy because it involves scientists. The wussiest human life forms there are. It involves one Robert "Bob" Hedges, museum curator and possible 19th century strongman and a science project funder named Victor. Ostensibly, the fight is about irradiated suitcase cat diving, but it's really about the old scientist's daughter, Victor's fiancee and Bob's latest conquest, Claire. Over this bemusedly attractive in a fifties sort of way girl comes the greatest, wettest slapping fight since Richard Simmons was waiting for his last flight.
It all starts with a Vitalis dripping Victor oozing anger and oil out of his every pore at the thought of Bob not only doing his girlfriend in the next room but then having the audacity to dig up his secret time travel experiments from their watery grave.
No sooner has Bob retrieved the born in the barn of the future cat than he's plonked on the head with the suitcase by Victor, his boldest move.
Bob swims just under the surface, really the only place he can since the water is obviously only four feet deep, tops, while Victor boards a skiff to take after him with an oar. With a mighty "unnnnnnh!" Victor swings at the wading Bob, but Bob wards off the blow as he would a fly and pulls Victor into the water with him! Victor becomes a slap happy fool going after Bob with all he's worth which equals out to about 48 cents. Bob easily overpowers Victor with about two punches or perhaps slaps of his own and Victor is knocked out, or passes out from his Burnsian effort perhaps.
Bob drags him to the shore and vindication is not far behind as he offers proof that not only does he have the machinery to satisfy Claire, but that Victor is a puss with radiation burns to boot.
And if you thought that made him a real man, just remember, he's a museum curator and in the world of science they're apparently the jocks.

"Yeah, I'm irradiated! What of it?!"

Bonus question: In grade school we were playing kickball and we were fielding. I was covering homeplate waiting for the ball. In retrospect I may have been near the line, but I wasn't standing on it! The kid rounding third wasn't watching where he was going and ran into me. Somebody else fielded the ball and he was tapped out, end of their kicking. We're up. The pitcher/bowler starts mouthing off to me about unfairness, they should still be up blah blah blah and it must be my turn to kick. So I kick a little grounder and am out before I get to first and he starts mouthing off to me again. Before I know it I'm charging at him and take a wild swing at his head. He ducked and I retreated to the fence and started crying. Not my finest moment, really. But it was grade school, what the hey? Plus I learned that if they duck, be ready with an uppercut with the left. Tho' sadly (I guess) I've never had another opportunity to test my theory.

[Bart Fargo]

A bad fight scene? Well, they don't come any lamer than that low-gravity fight in Moon Zero Two. What the heck were those people thinking? The out-of-tune band in the background didn't help things either.
The bots' parody of it was funny though.

Bonus question: Any man my age has bound to have been in a few fights in school. It was unavoidable. I beat up a few of 'em, but most of them took me down.

[uncledad]

Dear mrsphyllistorgo,

[shadow=red,left,300]While watching "Werewolf" the other night,I noticed that Paul- from "Paul -you is a wurwilf" fame-sure got his patootie kicked a few times.
Coming to the girls rescue from "Yuri" at the party(?),before he could say "cheeseball" ,there was two hits -Yuri hit him and he hit the ground.Well-not the ground ,but he sure got his paw twisted.
Then later at the arkolojagal lab , he no sooner said "psychopath" and Yuri shived him with a yanaglachi skull-OUCH!I mean everytime our intrepid lycanthrope opened his maw, Yuri was sticking his fist down it.I bet that chick could've kicked his sorry butt at nine ball too.Sometimes I think people can be a little fast and loose when it comes to saddling someone with a "wussy" moniker,however in Pauls' case,I think it's safe to say for a "Wurwilf"-wuss yep wuss.
[/shadow]
I guess I've had my share of "disagreements" ,luckily I had my towel to defend myself.

[Blurryeye]

Well I'm finally ringing in with my entry for your perusal. My wuss is a glasses-wearing, mullet-bearing, bicycle-pedalling geek who likes to take bland women on dates by warping time and space to reach an unremarkable '50's diner. Yes, my wuss is Nick, the hero of Time Chasers.

This grown-up dork is a pleasant enough man with a mild, unassuming personality. But after he realizes that he might have screwed up the future of civilization just a teensy bit by selling his time machine invention to J.K. Robertson of GenCorp (aka Bob Evil), his Coke-bottle glasses get steamed. At first Nick reasonably requests Mr. Evil to please stop development on the time machine technology. Bobertson shrugs off Nick's concern like dust off a new Armani suit. So what does our intrepid hero do? Why, he gives Mr. Evil a few strong words and backs away, carefully keeping his girlfriend by his side for protection. J.K.'s henchmen come and drag Nick away anyway, even though he was already leaving.

Nick gets out of the bodyguards grasp by tricking them like a weasel. He leaves his girlfriend to figure out how to get out of GenCorp on her own, and heads to the airplane hangars. The bland woman helps him by pretending to be crash-landing a small plane. This leaves only one man in the hangar for Nick to overcome, but this one man has plenty of strength to keep Nick knocked on his ass. Nick squeaks out the line, "This isn't my hangar!" while dodging a hard right hook. This brilliant ruse doesn't help our hero. Instead, he gets beaten on some more, then thrown against the wall. Just when the average-muscled airplane maintenance guy is about to bust his skull open with a baseball bat, the girlfriend saves Nick by conking the guy on the head with a 2x4! "Uh, thanks for saving my ass, honey!"

*I need to leave now, but will continue later*

[Blurryeye]

*And I'm back!*

The encounter with the hangar custodian does not dishearten our hero. Instead of feeling intense embarrassment and shame, like most men would after being rescued in the nick of time by their girlfriend, Nick's appetite for a fight only grows stronger. For some reason he thinks he did well in his first fight. Of course, he still opts for the most non-confrontational, but time-warping route by flying the time machine back to the morning he presented the idea to J.K. Roberson, to convince his own wiry self not change his mind. Is this making sense yet?

Robertson goes after him like a fox chasing a hen, and Nick's flying skills are put to the test. He quickly fails that test, as his main source of protection the girlfriend is killed, the plane gets shot down and crashes into a mountain, and Nick is left without even a 10-speed to use. So he steals a Yugo from a fellow dorkwad in a grocery store parking lot. His driving skills are now put to the test. He fails that test, as well, flipping the tiny car into a pile of boxes. Then he runs away from the geeky owner of the car.

Bob Evil finally pounces on his prey, and Nick is taken hostage. Robertson has outsmarted Nick at every turn so far, but can our plucky hero prevail in the end? Will he stick it to Bob and GenCorp and save the world? Well, if so, it doesn't seem to be happening yet. Robertson lands his time machine during the Revolutionary War, and Nick rescues Nick from Bob's clutches. The 2 Nicks spend their time running away from minutemen and Robertson, who is finally stymied a bit by the British and American armies. All of this leads up to the climactic fight scene between Nick and J.K.

Bob decides to screw both Nicks by flying his machine back to the future. But Nick rides after the plane astride his gallant steed (which he stole from a minuteman). He bravely runs up to the plane door, long hair flying, opens it and WHACK! Nick is knocked down with one sideways punch from J.K.! Nick gets up, shakes his head and grabs the wing of the plane. He hangs on for dear life as the light aircraft leaves the ground, butt protruding and mouth gaping.

The sweat-drenched Nick crawls over to the plane door again. When he opens it, Bob again whacks him in the face, but Nick hangs on and proceeds to slam the door against his own fingers several times. He finally makes contact with an opponent's body, striking J.K. with the ends of his knuckles a couple times. Mr. Evil has his hands full trying to fly the plane while kicking a nerd in the face, and finally catches a solid blow from Nick that knocks him out. Nick, overwhelmed by his improbable victory, takes control, wheezes loudly and proceeds to fly the plane straight into a tree.

Nick recovers consciousness and finds that he is entangled in tree branches. His brave heart swells and like any valiant warrior, he carefully climbs down from the tree, making sure not to scratch himself or disturb the plane balanced above him. He reaches the ground and sits down, leaning against another tree and gasping for air.

At this point he seems ready to throw in the towel and leave Bob to what fate may deal him, but J.K. isn't finished with him yet. Mr. Evil has recovered consciousness and is all set for revenge. But the venerable battle-axe Nick will not go gently! Oh no! He will fight on bravely to the finish and give Mr. Evil something to cry about! He--well, actually, he gets lectured at and then shot by Robertson. He dies with his mouth open, shirt stained and legs splayed.

Mr. Robertson, Nick's superior in every way, gets killed by the plane falling on him. Nick had absolutely nothing to do with it, except perhaps that the impact of the bullets hitting his chest had the effect of disturbing the plane from its perch in the tree. It wasn't even his own plane that crushed J.K.!

But the other Nick lives, and in revenge for the other Robertson's cold-blooded slaying of Nick, he decides to ..... MILDLY INCONVENIENCE HIM!!!! Yes, the chin-butted nerd finally gives J.K. his comeuppance by pitching a new advertising campaign to him! Of course, the one who really pays the price is the relatively innocent middleman who is fired by J.K. But this doesn't really bother Nick, as he knows that he wasted 20 minutes of Robertson's time, and isn't that suitable punishment for risking the future of civilization?

So our hero dodged a few punches, took many more, got knocked on his ass, let his girlfriend get shot, slammed his fingers into a plane door, got in one good punch, was shot and killed, and finally inconvienced an evil man. If there is one word to describe such a man, it is indeed WUSS!