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Post by jkazoolien on May 26, 2012 13:13:57 GMT -5
Django! Django, have you always been alone? Django! Django, have you never loved again? Love will live on, oh oh oh... Life must go on, oh oh oh... For you cannot spend your life regretting. Django! Django, you must face another day. Django! Django, now your love has gone away. Once you loved her, whoa-oh... Now you've lost her, whoa-oh-oh-oh... But you've lost her for-ever, Django. When there are clouds in the skies, and they are grey. You may be sad but remember that love will pass away. Oh Django! After the showers is the sun. Will be shining... Once you loved her, whoa-oh... Now you've lost her, whoa-oh-oh-oh... But you've lost her for-ever, Django. When there are clouds in the skies, and they are grey. You may be sad but remember that love will pass away. Oh Django! After the showers is the sun. Will be shining... Django! Oh oh oh Django! You must go on, Oh oh oh Django...
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Post by lilacetoile on May 28, 2012 9:55:02 GMT -5
"Glaucoma refers to a group of eye conditions that lead to damage to the optic nerve." -- PubMed Health
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Post by jkazoolien on May 28, 2012 11:02:42 GMT -5
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Let me introduce myself. My name is Rupert Pupkin. I was born in Clifton, New Jersey... which was not at that time a federal offense. Is there anyone here from Clifton? Oh, good. We can all relax now. I'd like to begin by saying... my parents were too poor to afford me a childhood. But the fact is that... no one is allowed to be too poor in Clifton. Once you fall below a certain level... they exile you to Passaic. My parents did put the first two down payments on my childhood. Don't get me wrong, but they did also return me to the hospital as defective. But, like everyone else I grew up in large part thanks to my mother. If she were only here today... I'd say, "Hey, ma, what are you doing here? You've been dead for nine years!" But seriously, you should've seen my mother. She was wonderful. Blonde, beautiful, intelligent, alcoholic. We used to drink milk together after school. Mine was homogenized. Hers was loaded. Once they picked her up for speeding. They clocked her doing 55. All right, but in our garage? And when they tested her... they found out that her alcohol had 2% blood. Ah, but we used to joke together, mom and me... until the tears would stroll down her face... and she would throw up! Yeah, and who would clean it up? Not dad. He was too busy down at O'Grady's... throwing up on his own. Yeah. In fact, until I was 13 I thought throwing up was a sign of maturity. While the other kids were off in the woods sneaking cigarettes... I was hiding behind the house with my fingers down my throat. The only problem was I never got anywhere... until one day my father caught me. Just as he was giving me a final kick in the stomach for luck... I managed to heave all over his new shoes! "That's it", I thought. "I've made it. I'm finally a man!" But as it turned out, I was wrong. That was the only attention my father ever gave me. Yeah, he was usually too busy out in the park playing ball with my sister Rose. But today, I must say thanks to those many hours of practice my sister Rose has grown into a fine man. Me, I wasn't especially interested in athletics. The only exercise I ever got was when the other kids picked on me. Yeah, they used to beat me up once a week... usually Tuesday. And after a while the school worked it into the curriculum. And if you knocked me out, you got extra credit. There was this one kid, poor kid... he was afraid of me. I used to tell him..."Hit me, hit me. What's the matter with you? Don't you want to graduate?" Hey, I was the youngest kid in the history of the school to graduate in traction. But, you know, my only real interest right from the beginning, was show business. Even as a young man, I began at the very top collecting autographs. Now, a lot of you are probably wondering... why Jerry isn't with us tonight. Well, I'll tell you. The fact is he's tied up. I'm the one who tied him. Well, I know you think I'm joking... but, believe me, that's the only way... I could break into show business... by hijacking Jerry Langford. Right now, Jerry is strapped to a chair... somewhere in the middle of the city. Go ahead, laugh. Thank you. I appreciate it. But the fact is, I'm here. Now, tomorrow you'll know I wasn't kidding... and you'll think I was crazy. But, look, I figure it this way. Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime. Thank you. Thank you.
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Post by caucasoididiot on May 29, 2012 8:53:14 GMT -5
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Post by jkazoolien on May 29, 2012 11:55:30 GMT -5
Satellite to Satellite
One day, in space.
Suddenly, the Sputnik was too heavy for the sky!
"This is no goodly," say the sky, "I am make a refuse to hold..."
And so the sky dropped Sputnik.
"Oh no" say the Sputnik, "I am making a comedown!"
And so the satellite to fall the ground.
"Oh no" say the people, "A satellite, we should destroy!"
But suddenly, goverment come, and take Sputnik to Area 51.
"Oh no!" shout Sputnik, "I have been made container!"
The container to confinment Sputnik!
"This shall not do!" shout the Sputnik, who break the container and blow up all Area 51.
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Post by fireballil on Jun 6, 2012 21:42:19 GMT -5
Sounds like something got lost in the translation of the Russian.
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Post by jkazoolien on Jun 7, 2012 12:10:18 GMT -5
Crime Time
The Police were dunking a donuts.
"Much of jelly donuts" say police, make a lazy.
Suddenly, criminals thought a plan!
"I know what to do!" say criminals, "We change police into criminals!"
And so, Police turn corrupt!
"Let's construct a crimes!" say the kommissar, and they construct much criming.
The people all shut up their houses, because crime made a wave across the streets.
And no one was safe to go out. Ever again.
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Post by Hellcat on Jun 8, 2012 23:19:45 GMT -5
Another year without a Triple Crown winner. Crap.
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Post by jkazoolien on Jun 8, 2012 23:58:21 GMT -5
Bird Nest
A magpie bird to sit on top of a bird nest.
"Much of eggs!" say the Magpie, sitting over the eggs.
Suddenly, the eggs to hatch!
"YAY!" shout Magpie, "MY EGGS ARE TO HATCH!"
But suddenly, the Magpie felt a nip at her tail.
"Ow!" shout Magpie, jumping up, "But what are these?"
Magpie look down, the eggs had hatched of dinosaurs!
"Oh no!" say Magpie, "It actually happened!"
And so the Magpie to a fly away from nest...
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Post by caucasoididiot on Jun 11, 2012 11:36:05 GMT -5
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Post by afriendlychicken on Jun 11, 2012 16:40:16 GMT -5
Today we have a state holiday. King Kamehameha Day. All the parades and celebrations happened over the weekend. I work retail so there's really no such thing as a holiday for me. Luckily, Mondays are usually one of my days off. Yea!!
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Post by jkazoolien on Jun 13, 2012 11:39:01 GMT -5
The Robbery
A policemen was walk down the road.
"Hmm..." say Police, "I do no make that much money with a policing!"
So he walk into the bank and get a gun!
"Put money into bag!" shout Police, and all moneys to danube into the bag.
"NOT DANUBING ENOUGH MONEY!" screamed the Police so they danubed faster.
Soon, all the money from Bank was sitting in the Police bag.
So the Police walk out the bank to try and make a spendings, but the kommissar there and arrest!
"YOU HAVE MADE ME A DISSAPOINTMENT!" shouted the kommissar, and he got a lazer and shot Police.
The people were all make a happy as they got back their stolen money.
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Post by caucasoididiot on Jun 13, 2012 20:10:38 GMT -5
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Post by jkazoolien on Jun 14, 2012 23:10:41 GMT -5
High School Musicals
The judges were rating everyone music to see if get in the musical.
“RAAAAAWR!” screech Gabrielle.
“No good.” say Judges, and they hit a lever and a hole under Gabrielle.
“I thought my music good!” shout Gabrielle as she fall into a river full of sharks.
Then Troy came and to see if his music singing good enough.
“SCREEECCH” say Troy.
“NO GOOD!” scream Judges, “THIS EVEN WORSE THAN LAST ONE!”
The Judges pull lever again and Troy fall into hole.
“Oh no I make a sing badly?” ask Troy to judges, but he had already fall down hole and get eated by sharks with Gabrielle.
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Post by caucasoididiot on Jun 16, 2012 0:38:04 GMT -5
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