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Post by Afgncaap5 on Nov 16, 2012 5:04:44 GMT -5
It has come to my attention that Texas has, again, started collecting signatures to secede from the union. Of the 25,000 signatures required to get a response from the President, they have over 80,000.
Now, ignoring the fact that this response will likely be a "no" and that in 100% of the wars fought over whether or not states can secede the decision to remain a Union was eventually reached after some civil military actions ensued, I think there's a key point to consider:
If Texas leaves the United States, then Texas will take with it the stereotype of greedy oil tycoons who wildly fire their pistols into the air with cartoonish abandon. These stereotypical figures, who are simultaneously bumbling idiots while also being criminal masterminds of the highest calibre, are absolutely *crucial* to most caricatures drawn by parties attempting to make use of the dying art of political cartoons in newspapers when they want the United States to be portrayed as either bumbling idiots or villains.
We need to prepare the next stereotype, ladies and gentlemen, just in case this blanket-statement of a melting pot population gets taken from us. If we can't be portrayed as that, what'll we be left with? Cletus the Slackjawed Yokel? No way, that's copyright infringement territory there.
So, come on guys, for the possible future of some starving political cartoonist in England or Russia or something, let's figure this out. What'll we be next?
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Post by Don Quixote on Nov 16, 2012 6:56:50 GMT -5
That's kind of already been supplanted by the corporate mastermind. It's a lateral move, sure, but I think that's where that was trending.
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Post by Mitchell on Nov 16, 2012 11:52:43 GMT -5
Yes! Listen to DQ. . .THIS is the picture of the Modern Texan, with more than too much ego and world domination on the task list--as a "B" priority!  But in light of the TEXAS SECEDE horsecrap, I defer to Cracked's take on it, where they found a petition to Obama with more than the required number of signatures to reform the US justice system to be modeled after Judge Dredd.### But to answer your question, for the Emergency Stereotype, I nominate: NEW YORK NEW JERSEY No, NJ, you don't get the mafia because of the Sopranos, or Guidos
because of Jersey Shore, since some of you asshats wear that like
a badge of honor. It's toxic waste. Suck it.CALIFORNIA WEST VIRGINIA LOUISIANA |
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Nov 16, 2012 12:03:11 GMT -5
As a born and raised Texan, I am mortally offended by your lack of knowledge of Texas law. We are the only state that can legally secede from the union according to the terms of our original statehood. Technically, we don't need a petition but only a referendum by our state legislature and signed by the Governor. Supreme Court decisions following the Civil War might seem to invalidate these original agreements, and constitutional scholars argue whether or not our right to secede is grandfathered in because of Texas' special circumstances both in terms of the initial agreement and because we were once a sovereign nation.
As for stereotypes, for every DUBYA, there's a Lyndon Johnson. For every oil baron in a cowboy hat, there's a Molly Ivins. For every hick idjit. (I.e., everyone from Tyler or College Station), there's an Ann Richards.
Therefore, I defy you, sir. If Texas seceds, I will proudly join them as it will become the wealthiest Hispanic, Spanish speaking country in both Americas, and Rice University will rival Harvard. Houston will become the new arts center of the northern hemisphere, and Austin will become the musical capital of the world, not just the southwest.
Texas is destiny. Long live the Lone Star Nation.
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Post by Mitchell on Nov 16, 2012 12:08:49 GMT -5
Mumms reminds me: CHICAGOLAND |
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Nov 16, 2012 12:09:41 GMT -5
Yes! Listen to DQ. . .THIS is the picture of the Modern Texan, with more than too much ego and world domination on the task list--as a "B" priority! The new Texas stereotype: it makes your mom wet. |
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Post by Mitchell on Nov 16, 2012 12:55:18 GMT -5
Every once in a while, a post makes me hang my head and say "holy f***." Well played sir, may I retire to the water closet so I may expunge my stomach of it's contents through my voice-hole?
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Nov 16, 2012 13:19:46 GMT -5
Yay! I win the internet!
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Post by TheNewMads on Nov 16, 2012 13:48:54 GMT -5
Don't forget Texas gave us Edie Brickell, who's a bigger hippy california blissninny than all the actual hippy blissninnies in California combined. so it all evens out.
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Post by Afgncaap5 on Nov 16, 2012 14:36:46 GMT -5
Ahh, mummi, I had no idea about that. Thanks. I think the Lone Star would make an awesome country on its own if it came to that. But believe me, this isn't about trying to prevent Texas from seceding, this is about trying to identify what the rest of the world can tauntingly call the remaining United States if Texas leaves us for something better.
The good news: if Texas secedes, we might not have to change our flag since Puerto Rico is looking at statehood more seriously than ever. (Though, really, I'd kinda like to see a flag with 51 stars on it.)
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Post by Mitchell on Nov 16, 2012 15:30:25 GMT -5
Don't get all moist and randy Affy, it would look nearly exactly the same as the current one, but with 6 rows of stars, alternating between 8 and 9 per row.
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Post by mummifiedstalin on Nov 16, 2012 15:34:37 GMT -5
But the goddam 'ricans would have to pay for all the updating we'd have to do...
(Note: I humbly apologize to the vast swaths of Puerto Rican relatives I have through my aunt. Fertile bunch...)
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Post by Crowfan on Nov 16, 2012 17:44:18 GMT -5
I've always admired Audie Murphy.
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Post by Mitchell on Nov 16, 2012 19:25:51 GMT -5
Congratulations, you've finally given Sloane that "I like turtles" moment it was dying to have.
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Post by siamesesin on Nov 16, 2012 19:49:26 GMT -5
Can we build a wall around Texas? I don't want Mitchell to boing my mom.
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