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Post by vanhagar3000 on Feb 18, 2004 17:53:37 GMT -5
Watching TV Land last night, it's like every show is going to get on that network. So maybe MST3K will get a chance. What better way of introducing the show through the classic Turkey Day marathon style. I put together the best of the most likely avaliable episodes. First up Cave Dwellers.
12 Midnight: 301- Cave Dwellers
Dr. Forrester (Trace Beaulieu): Hello, I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester, I've bought 32 hours of TV in a last ditch effort to take over the world. How, show the worst movies ever made. You think it's idiotic. Think about how many of you were weakened after watching movies like Gigli, try 16 Gigli's in a row. I SHALL RULE THE WORLD. BWAHAHAHA. I've even brought my old lab assistant back from the dead, Television's Frank.
TV's Frank (Frank Coniff): Hi everyone, he's just kidding about the whole entire take over the world thing.
Dr. Forrester: Frank, you're making me look weak.
TV's Frank: Come on no one is really buying this anyway, I mean you're doing this from you're apartment.
(Zoom Out to reveal Dr. F's trashed apartment)
Dr. Forrester: Shut Up Frank. By the way did you remember NOT to invite guests.
TV's Frank: Yeah, I did.
Dr. Forrester: You mean, you remember not to invite the guests or you invited the guests.
TV's Frank: Yeah, don't worry.
Dr. Forrester: Umm, okay.
TV's Frank: They'll be coming around 10 in the morning.
Dr. Forrester: WHAT?! I TOLD YOU NOT TO INVITE ANY GUESTS THIS YEAR. YOU KNOW I HATE GUESTS AT THANKSGIVING.
TV's Frank: That's why invited them, I wasn't going to but then you mentioned something so I thought it must be something different. Isn't that why you brought me back from the dead?
Dr. Forrester: Frank, you're making want to send you back to second banana heaven.
(Dr. F leans over to the microphone)
Dr. Forrester: World brace yourself, you're about to enter into a world of pain, I give you, first, expirement number 301- Cave Dwellers.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Feb 18, 2004 18:13:40 GMT -5
2 AM- 303- Pod People
Dr. Forrester: Frank, I've braced myself for the worst. So run down the guest list.
TV's Frank: Well Mr. B Natural is coming
(Dr. Forrester shudders)
Dr. Forrester: Okay, continue
TV's Frank: Oh, Torgo is coming, your mother she's coming too.
Dr. Forrester: O, WHAT? MOTHER IS COMING
TV's Frank: Come on, just think of the worst.
Dr. Forrester: That was the worst. How could you? It's time to bring out the big guns.
(Dr. Forrester runs over to his panel)
Dr. Forrester: Okay, I was going to go easy but now, I have to rule the world. I give you experiement 303- Pod People.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Feb 18, 2004 18:25:14 GMT -5
4 AM- 309- The Amazing Colossal Man
Dr. Forrester: Well, no one is under my control, yet, but I'm sure it's going to happen soon. And
(Dr. Forrester falls over)
(Dr. Forrester gets back up)
Dr. Forrester: FRANK, who's on the floor?
TV's Frank: Well if you'd watch the upcoming expirement, it's the Plant Guy.
Dr. Forrester: Does he have a name?
TV's Frank: Plant Guy? Hell who knows? By the way have you seen the Turkey?
Dr. Forrester: Oh I have a Turkey, (laughs), I have the ultimate turkey, Bert I. Gordon's Amazing Colossal Man. HAHAHAHA
TV's Frank: (Take what Dr. F said literaly) Oh, okay
(TV's Frank takes the reel out of Dr. Forrester's hand and proceeds to the kitchen)
Dr. Forrester: Frank, no, Frank, it's a figure of speech
(TV's Frank throws it in the oven and it immediately burns)
Dr. Forrester: FRANK!!! Now what am I going to do, two hours of dead air.
TV's Frank: Don't worry you're going up against informericals, you can't lose in the rating.
Dr. Forrester: Frank, ratings aren't the point. Pain is the point.
TV's Frank: Then why not show the Best of Pauly Shore?
Dr. Forrester: Frank, even I have my limits.
Plant Guy (Kevin Murphy): Here, I saved a copy of this episode. I'll give it to you if you shut up.
Dr. Forrester: Okay
(Dr. F goes to the panel and begins to speak softly)
Dr. Forrester: I now give you Bert I. Gordon's classic, expiriment 309- The Amazing Colossal Man.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Feb 20, 2004 17:44:31 GMT -5
More on Sunday. Just have to write it out so I don't edit it later.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Mar 27, 2004 18:52:11 GMT -5
This was pretty bad, so I stopped posting, just incase anyone cares. I had some better host segments later on but there are also some dull ones.
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Post by Mister Wilbur on Mar 28, 2004 22:43:04 GMT -5
Hey! I liked it!
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Post by Ator on Mar 29, 2004 0:58:14 GMT -5
That was really interesting! Keep those up dude.
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Post by Bart Fargo on Mar 29, 2004 15:40:37 GMT -5
I liked it. I'd like to add my own here...
#422 - The Day the Earth Froze w/short: Here Comes the Circus!
(Dr. F is busy working on the equipment he has in front of him. Behind him, some of the guests are mingling with each other and Frank.)
Dr. F: Well, nobody has fallen yet, but these things take time. I'm sure by the end of this, everyone's brains will be like Jell-o.
(Suddenly Nuveena from Design for Dreaming appears behind him.)
Nuveena (singing): I heard there was a party here/ So I had to come...
(Nuveena starts dancing behind Dr. F. He turns around and looks at her with disgust.)
Dr. F: What in the sam hill are you doing?
(Nuveena ignores him and continues to dance.)
Dr. F (louder): DID YOU HEAR ME?! I ASKED WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE!?
(TV's Frank comes over to Nuveena.)
Frank (Singing): Nuveena, oh woman of the future, did you bring the cake like I asked?
(Nuveena stops dancing and starts snapping her fingers.)
Nuveena: Didn't have time to bake one up, but I got a mix here and and I'll make it up.
Frank (sings): Just go into the kitchen there and we'll help later.
(Nuveena dances towards the kitchen.)
Dr. F: Frank, how do you expect me to take over the world when I've got rejects from the circus all over the place?
Frank: Don't worry, Clay. I'll make sure they stay out of your way.
Dr. F: You'd better be right, Frank. Speaking of the circus, it's part of the next experiment. Next up is The Day the Earth Froze with the short Here Comes the Circus!
If you don't like this, I'll edit it out.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Apr 5, 2004 18:39:18 GMT -5
I didn't know people liked it, too bad I delted everything. I'll start it up again tomorrow or tonight. I'll post one a day. Also it's changed from 32 hours to 48 hours.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 5, 2004 19:35:44 GMT -5
6 AM- 319- War of the Colossal Beasts
TV's Frank is in an apron
Dr. Forrester is casually smoking a pipe on the couch
Dr. Forrester: You know Frank, I think I got this world domination thing under hand, it's all good.
TV's Frank: Dr. Forrester, please get your feet off the table, and put out that pipe, this house is going to smell like Joe Don Baker's bedroom if you keep smoking like that. And what's in that pipe (Frank smells it) is that marijuana
(From Dr. F's POV which is all screwed up with TV's Frank dressed as Auntie McFrank)
Dr. Forrester: Don't worry Frank, everything is cool.
(Cut back to Frank)
TV's Frank: Give me the pipe
Dr. Forrester: Frank, I need to get something to relax me
TV's Frank: You know what relaxes me
Dr. Forrester: Being a complete dork, (high pitched laugh)
TV's Frank: No it's sending the folks at home the movie and then helping me make some mashed potatoes.
Dr. Forrester: Why do they call them mashed potatoes? I mean I understand the mashed part, and I understand the potatoes part, but the rest of that.
TV's Frank: Steve, send them the movie and I'm going to flush the contents of this pipe into the toliet.
(Frank exits stage right)
Dr. Forrester: Okay, you darn nark
(Dr. Forrester gets up and goes to the control panel)
Dr. Forrester: Okay, our next movie is
(Dr. F looks at the microphone strangely)
Dr. Forrester: Anyone notice how these things had holes in them. Why not make it one big whole? Oh yeah and watch expirement, let's see, (flips in his manual) 319- War of the Colossal Beasts.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Jul 31, 2004 6:39:54 GMT -5
8AM- 424- ‘Manos’ the Hands of Fate
(Dr. Forrester is in a sweat shirt and sweat pants and is talking to Frank)
Dr. Forrester: Frank do you know when I should change before the awake guests arrive?
Frank: Well you should probably change now
Dr. Forrester: Well don’t answer the door until I’m finished changing
Frank: That won’t be necessary
(Mr. B Natural (Bridget Jones) pops in, Dr. F lets out a high pitched scream)
Dr. F: I mean [low pitched yell], I mean don’t you knock?
Mr. B Natural: Don’t you remember me? I’m Mr. B Natural, I knew your father I did.
Dr. F: What does that even mean
[Pitch (Paul Chaplin) pops in]
Pitch: Hi, I came when Frank told me to (Pitch does his little laugh)
Dr. F: It’s called a door, I don’t come popping into hell or wherever you come from...
Mr. B Natural: I come from...
Dr. F: I was talking to Pitch
(Frank comes back on camera)
Frank: Steve come on, be nice, they’re our guest, you’ll be happier if you get changed and introduce the next movie
Dr. F: Maybe, you’re right...(smells something), Frank when was the last time you checked the Turkey
Frank: Don’t you mind that, I’ve been keeping my eye on it
Dr. F: Frank are you sure?
Frank: Just introduce the next experiment, I picked out a favorite of yours, (turns attention away from Dr. F to Mr. B), Oh hey, Mr. B
Dr. F: Okay, the next experiment, (looks in book), oh yes, ‘MANOS’ THE HANDS OF FATE! AHAHAHAHA
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Aug 1, 2004 12:54:22 GMT -5
10AM- 512- Mitchell
(Dr. Forrester is at his control panel. Plant Guys, Mr. B and Pitch are all talking in the backround)
Dr. Forrester: Ah, yes, all the major cities are under my control Washington, London, Tokyo, New York, Circle Pines. (sniffs the air). Frank?
Frank walks on
Frank: Yeah Dr. F what do you want?
Dr. Forrester: Could you please check the Turkey?
Frank: Oh, alright
Dr. Forrester: Ah, up next is a favorite of mine, Mitchell, after this I never had to see they pretty boy Joel Robinson....
(Joel appears next to Dr. F)
Joel Robinson (Joel Hodgson): You think I'm pretty
Dr. Forrester: Well I don't know, the ladies seem to like you...WHAT? What are you doing here?
Joel: Well Frank invited me
Dr. Forrester: Ah yes, Frank, what a fool
Joel: Frank isn't that bad
(At this time Frank appears with the Turkey on fire and he does some physical comedy trying to put the Turkey out in the backround)
Dr. Forrester: So....how's that...janitoring doing?
Joel: I quit that.
Dr. Forrester: Oh really, ummm, what do you do now?
Joel: I do pyrotechnics for Man or Astroman
Dr. Forrester: Yes, I think I heard some of their music before, ummm anyway, I got to get back to taking over the world, mother is coming
Joel: Ummm, okay I'll just go with the guest
(Frank finally puts out the Turkey)
Dr. Forrester: Now, I present Joe Don Baker in Mitchell....
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Aug 14, 2004 10:30:13 GMT -5
12 Noon- Santa Claus
(Dr. Forrester is again at his control panel and Frank is on the phone doing a Bob Newhart, the guests are eating the background)
Frank: Hello? Turkey in an hour? Can I get a Turkey in an hour? What do you mean no? What do you mean your closed it’s Thanksgiving? It’s the day people eat turkey more than ever. Listen, I know that it’s a holiday but this is a holiday centered around Turkey. And if it’s closed what are you doing there? Oh, it’s family operated, huh? Oh I RUINED your meal. Well listen buddy if your this stupid I don’t care.
(Frank angrily hangs up phone)
(Frank leaves to a room)
Dr. Forrester: Oh, Hello, poopsies. You think the Joe Don Baker-Linda Evans scenes were psychologically damaging? That is what every frame of this next movie is. San...
(Krankor (Bill Corbett) enters the apartment)
Krankor: The party can, start because Krankor is here. Dr. Forrester, ya scum, how are ya? HA HA HA HA
Dr. Forrester: Do I know you?
Krankor: Come on, your mother used me in an experiment, remember
Dr. Forrester: MOTHER! (Shoves Krankor away) I have to get moving, the next experiment is experiment 521...
Pitch: Oh, may I introduce this one? (HA HA HA HA)
Dr. Forrester: NO!
(Pitch walks aways)
(Frank begins to sneak behind Dr. F with a gun and a plaid coat)
Dr. Forrester: The next experiment is....
(Forrester has eyes in the back of his head because he notices Frank)
Dr. Forrester: FRANK?! What are you doing? (Turns around). Frank you have a gun and a plaid coat, you burnt the Turkey and now you’re going to go hunt for one aren’t you?
Frank: No I was just going to go outside and try and prevent Jack Perkins from coming in the house, but...if you want I can stay inside and...
Dr. Forrester: No, No, that’s okay, go outside and go after Perkins. Godspeed Frank, godspeed. (Frank walks off with a smile on his face). Now, you will watch experiment 521- the bizarre, the insane, the inept- Santa Claus.
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Post by vanhagar3000 on Aug 14, 2004 10:39:23 GMT -5
2PM- Samson vs. Vampire Women
(Frank enters the apartment with what he thinks is a dead Turkey, we then pan over to Mr. B Natural and Krankor talking)
Krankor: I have a couple of jokes, would you like to hear them?
Mr. B Natural: No (angrily)
(Frank begins fighting with the Turkey in the background which is now alive, complete with gobbling sounds and such)
Krankor: Great...How many Neptunians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Give up?
Mr. B Natural: Sure
Krankor: None, they’re all going to be looking for the captain's record. HA HA HA HA. Okay how about this one, what do you call the son of Pauley Shore and Carrot Top?
Mr. B Natural: I don’t know, a bad comedian (sarcastically)
Krankor: Oh, I see you’ve heard that one.
(Krankor whispers to Mr. B)
(Mr. B slaps him but then whispers something back)
(Krankor has a look of glee on his face)
(Frank kills the Turkey and walks off camera)
(Dr. Forrester walks in)
Dr. Forrester: Frank, when is the turkey going to be ready
Frank (off camera): Just a few more hours
Dr. Forrester: Damn, those birds take a long time to cook. (To Camera) Okay folks, up next is where you’ll see how Frank was killed, here is Samson vs. the Vampire Women.
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Post by Dave Walker on Aug 24, 2004 17:44:15 GMT -5
You still planning on keeping this going? This is good stuff.
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