|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Oct 16, 2004 15:10:37 GMT -5
I'm back
4PM- Laserblast
Camera on the apartment door, Jack Perkins arrives
Jack Perkins (Michael J. Nelson): Greetings friends, I’m here on this day of Thanksgiving. (Frank walks up) Ah, yes, television’s own Frank. Frank possibly the best lab assistant this side of Tor Johnson.
Frank: Hi, Jack, how are you doing, I have to go and prepare the Turkey
Jack Perkins: Ah, yes, turkey is possibly one of the finest...
Frank: Okay, Jack, I know
Jack Perkins: Okay, I’ll just mingle
(JP walks up to Mr. B & Krankor)
Krankor: So then I said to Prince of Space “YA SCUM”, HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA
Mr. B Natural: Oh, god, the two most annoying men who can’t take hint
Jack Perkins: Greetings Mr. B Nautral, you are possible the finest pseudo woman I have ever nearly married. And who do we have here, The Phantom of Krankor, why all you’ve accomplished for your planet such as....
The Phantom of Krankor: Well there was the time I defeated Napoleon at Waterloo
Jack Perkins: No, I believe that was the British
The Phantom of Krankor: Well there was the time I...
Jack Perkins: Nope, that was the Egyptians
The Phantom of Krankor: Oh, right, but I had the whole entire pyramid idea WAAAAAAY before they did. Oh, I know...
Jack Perkins: No that was a pack of drastically carnal Squirrels in heat.
The Phantom of Krankor: Oh right
(Both Jack & Phantom start laughing and Mr. B just has an awkward look on her face) (Pan to Dr. Forrester)
Dr. Forrester: Hello poopsies, I have yet another installment of torture. You think that conversation was painful. Check out this excitement, I can’t really remember what happened I sort of blanked out. I give you experiment 706- Laserblast.
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Jun 28, 2005 15:45:32 GMT -5
6PM- Revenge of the Creature
Dr. Forrester: Well, that ending was odd, (referring to Laserblast) but nevertheless, I’m once again a full viral man.
[Frank walks by]
Dr. Forrester: Frank, is that turkey going to be ready?
TV’s Frank: You bet.
Dr. Forrester: Great, now I think everything is good, everything is under control, I’ve taken over Circle Pines, and I think I can relax a little.
[Door Bell SFX]
Pearl (v/o; angrily): CLAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYTON!
[Now in Time of the Apes Directorial Style] [Zoom to Dr. Forrester’s Face Terrified]
[Zoom to Jack Perkins’s Face Terrified]
[Zoom to Mr. B Natural’s Face Terrified]
[Zoom to Joel’s Face Terrified]
[Zoom to Plant Guy’s Face Terrified]
[Zoom to TV’s Frank’s Face which has a big smile on it]
[Zoom to Krankor’s Face Which Is Stuffing Crackers in it, then looks up surprised to see the camera, and moves his eyes back and forth in a guilty manner]
[Jump Cut to Wide Shot of The Apartment]
[Door Bell SFX]
Pearl (v/o angrily): CLAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN!
[Cut to Frank & Forrester]
TV’s Frank: I’ll get it.
Dr. Forrester: No Frank, let me get it, if you get it, she’ll think I didn’t care.
TV’s Frank: Okay Steve
[Dr. F opens the door]
Dr. Forrester: MOTHER!
[Pearl hits him on the head with her purse]
Pearl: IDIOT! What took you so long? Were you in the bathroom? What were you doing in there? You know you’ll go blind from that!
Dr. Forrester: Mother....please.
Pearl: Don’t mother please me young man! Ugh (looking into Dr. F’s ears) so waxy. [Looks into the camera] What’s this? Are you doing your experiments again?
Dr. Forrester: Yes, mother, I....
Pearl: You know in three years, I got closer to taking over the world than you did in eight? I even got board certified. You know what, why don’t you let me take care of this from now on. I have a TON of experiments I ran. These ones have more of a chance of taking over the world than yours.
Dr. Forrester: Alright mother, I’ll give you this one, but after this it’s all mine.
Pearl: You have to use your mother’s experiments.
Dr. Forrester: Fine.
Pearl: Alright then, ladies and gentlemen, here is MY first experiment, it’s a crappy sequel to a crappy movie. Here is Revenge of the Creature.
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Nov 23, 2005 15:16:56 GMT -5
8PM- Prince of Space
Frank comes out dressed as Auntie McFrank, and rings a bell.
TV’s Frank: Dinnertime.
Everyone sits down, except for Plant Guy (because he’s in a box).
TV’s Frank: Who wants to say grace? Dr. Forrester?
Dr. Forrester: Alright, dear lord, thank you for this bountiful mean in which family prepared. Thank you for friends and loving family members, who unfortunately couldn’t be here. I apologize for the fact that I have a demon here.
Pitch: Don’t about that, gods cool about it.
Dr. Forrester: I was talking about my mother. Also thank you for Underoos.
All: Amen.
Dr. Forrester: Alright, let’s dig in.
Plant Guy: Hey wait a minute. I recognize that salad anywhere. Oh my god, MOTHER NO! MOTHER NO! OH MY GOD!
Jack Perkins: Man this is good salad.
Plant Guy: HOW DARE YOU! MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT!
Frank: Uh, who wants Turkey.
Dr. Forrester: You know who I think wants Turkey?
Pearl: Is this gonna be another joke about a movie experiment that’s a movie turkey as opposed to a real turkey?
Dr. Forrester: Mother! Well, fine, here is experiment 816. Prince of Space.
Krankor: Oh, I wanna watch this.
Krankor runs to the TV.
Pearl: How mastabatory.
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Nov 23, 2005 15:25:00 GMT -5
10PM- Space Mutiny
Pitch is leaving through the door.
Pitch: Uh, lovely evening. The ten minutes of fighting, followed by the twenty of crying was great Dr. Forrester. See you next year.
Dr. Forrester: Okay, see you.
Krankor comes out smugly with lipstick all over his face. He walks over to Perkins. Mr. B then walks by.
Mr. B: See you later Krankor.
Mr. B winks.
Krankor: Hey, Perkins. Guess who just had seven minutes of heaven in the broom closet? HA! HA! HA! HA!
Jack Perkins: You mean...
Krankor: Yeah, it was pretty hot and heavy. HA! HA! HA! HA!
Jack Perkins: You do know she’s a man, right.
Krankor: Wait, but I....
Jack Perkins: He’s called Mr. B Natural
Krankor: But I....and she....
Krankor does his cry/laugh
Jack Perkins: Come with me, I have a support group for this.
Krankor continues to cry as they leave
Joel begins to exit, and speaks to Dr. F
Joel: You know Dr. F, if you ever wanted to control the world by torture, don’t show the world bad movies, just invite them over for the holidays.
Dr. Forrester: I’ll take note of that.
Joel leaves.
Dr. Forrester: Well mother, I suppose you want to get along. I mean....
Pearl: Nuh nuh nuh no. You still need me. I think I’ll stay just a little while longer.
TV’s Frank: Oh joy.
Pearl: Here, you’re experiments stink. Use this one, it’s called Space Mutiny.
Dr. Forrester: Alright. Here is Space Mutiny.
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Nov 23, 2005 15:30:27 GMT -5
12PM- Puma Man
Dr. Forrester: Well, the house is clean and spotless. Dishes are cleaned. We’ve taken over most of Fergus Falls. I think we did a pretty good job.
Pearl: Clayton, you’ve been a disappointment. Everytime you do something I have to finish it. Whether it be house cleaning or world domination, I finish it. Clayton you’ve been a disappointment. You can’t do anything with out me. Goodbye Clayton, prove me wrong.
Pearl leaves
TV’s Frank: Wow...heavy.
Dr. Forrester: I’m gonna take over the world.
TV’s Frank: Dr. Forrester, you don’t have to take over the world to prove it to your mother. You’ll always rule my world.
Dr. Forrester: Yes, but....
TV’s Frank looks up with love, Dr. F has a WTF look on his face.
Dr. Forrester: Frank, never, EVER say anything like that again. But Frank, I’m not gonna do it for her. Enough with trying to impress my mother. It’s time I do something for myself. I’m gonna take over the world, for ME, not for her. I have the perfect experiment too. It may be one of my mothers, but I’m gonna use it anyway.
Dr. Forrester gets out a tape.
Dr. Forrester: Prepare for torture unlike no other, prepare for the old Dr. Forrester back, prepare for Puma Man.
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Nov 24, 2005 0:41:55 GMT -5
2AM- Final Sacrifice
Dr. Forrester: Man, the Doctor is back FRANK! We got all of the Americas, Eurasia, Africa, Sauk Rapids. Puma Man really did it! I WILL NOW RULE THE WORLD!!! AHAHAHAHA
TV’s Frank: Uh, Doctor Forrester. I have to tell you something.
Dr. Forrester: Ah, yes. I suppose you’ll want a position of power. King of Minnesota, Lord of Chicago, Head of the Treasury.
TV’s Frank: No, Dr. Forres....Lord of Chicago. What kind of money do you get in a gig like that?
Dr. Forrester: All the money that’s available in Chicago Frank. You rule it.
TV’s Frank: No, wait Dr. Forrester. I made it all up. You don’t rule anything.
Dr. Forrester: WHAT?! Frank?! BUT WHY?! BUT....
TV’s Frank: I thought it’d cheer you up, but I was leading you on, I guess. But hey, I’m touched by the fact you’d make me Lord of Chicago.
Dr. Forrester: Oh, Frank, nooooo. *sobs* So none of it’s mind?
TV’s Frank: Well, Burbank, California is really yours.
Dr. Forrester begins to cry even more
Dr. Forrester: Frank, right now, I’m gonna put on The Final Sacrifice, because as painful as that is, the censors won’t show what I’m about to do to you.
TV’s Frank: Oh, poopie.
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Nov 25, 2005 13:50:45 GMT -5
Frank is covered in black dirt, and looks like he’s been set on fire, as smoke is coming off of him
Dr. Forrester: Learn you lesson Frank?
TV’s Frank: Yes.
Dr. Forrester: Good.
TV’s Frank: I’ll never talk to strangers again.
Dr. Forrester looks frustrated and like he’s gonna hit Frank for a second, but then quickly walks over to the couch and lies down
TV’s Frank: Well aren’t you going to put on the last experiment?
Dr. Forrester: Oh what’s the point? It’s just another two hours. People can watch me sitting on the couch. I’ll never win now. It’s too late.
TV’s Frank: Too late? Doctor Clayton Deborah Susan Forrester are you giving up on something?
Dr. Forrester: Frank what’s the point, it’s too late?
TV’s Frank: TOO LATE?
*Inspiring music begins to play*
TV’s Frank: Was it too late, when Cal was down to Stanford? NO! Was it too late in SuperBowl XXV when the Bills were down to the Giants 20-19?
Dr. Forrester: Frank, Scott Norwood kicked wide right. The Bills lost the game.
*Inspiring music screeches off*
TV’s Frank: Oh, well, uh...
Dr. Forrester: But you’re right Frank.
*Inspiring music begins playing again*
Dr. Forrester: I have to do it. I have a shot! I’ll ask myself what could have been! This could be the straw that breaks the camels back! YEAH! YEAH!
TV’s Frank: What do you have?
Dr. Forrester: A Joe Don Baker movie, Final Justice.
TV’s Frank: Oh, no, Dr. Forrester. That’s too much. YOU’RE MAD, DR. FORRESTER, MAD!
Dr. Forrester: YES *maniacal laugh*
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Nov 25, 2005 14:08:09 GMT -5
*TV’s Frank is vacuuming, as Dr. F is down in the dumps.*
Frank: You tried your best Steve. You couldn’t have done any better.
Dr. Forrester: That’s the point Frank, I tried my best and I failed.
Frank: Well, the only way you could have done better is if we got back on TV regularly.
*Door knocks*
Man #1 (v/o): Ratings boy.
Frank: I’ll get it.
*Frank opens the door*
Man #1: Ratings are in. Also, could you spare a cup of wassail?
*Frank slams the door shut*
Frank: Hey the ratings are in! Look at this, you did big numbers!
Dr. Forrester: I did?
Frank: Yeah. They’re going to bring us back in reruns!
Dr. Forrester: OMG, we still have a chance.
Frank: Should we sing a song?
Dr. Forrester: Frank, I’m so happy. For old times sakes, I’m going to give you beating. Push the button Frank.
*Frank has an extremely worried look on his face*
*Through the credits we hear Dr. Forrester implementing various weapons on Frank*
Show Created by....Joel Hodgson Produced by....Jim Mallon
Starring (in order of apperance) Dr. Forrester...Trace Beaulieu TV’s Frank...Frank Conniff Plant Guy....Kevin Murphy Mr. B Natural...Bridget Jones Pitch....Paul Chaplin Joel Robinson....Joel Hodgson Krankor....Bill Corbett Jack Perkins...Michael J. Nelson Pearl Forrester...Mary Jo Phel Man #1....Frank Koenen
Segments Written by....Frank Koenen (Van Hagar)
Remaining Credits.
A Best Brains Production
|
|
|
Post by vanhagar3000 on Nov 25, 2005 14:08:40 GMT -5
Well, it's finally completed.
|
|