Post by ctdsnark on Aug 1, 2004 12:30:50 GMT -5
As much as I liked the plot of the show finale,I've always felt that a great opportunity was lost--and I'll explain why,in due time,but first--here is my idea for the final episode of MST3K! ;D ;D ;D
The Opening:As the show begins,Mike is once again wearing the dark green coveralls he started the show with,and,with a sweaty towel around his neck,he recites,word-for-word,his dialogue from the opening moments of episode 513 {The Brain That Wouldn't Die},when Crow and Tom Servo appear,wondering what the Helen Hunt he's talking about.Mike doesn't understand the 'bots confusion,insisting he arrived on the SOL only days ago,and they've been putting him through bad-movie training.As commercial sign flashes,Mike:"Boy,that 'Beast Of Yucca Flats'--talk about a stinker!Sure am glad I'll never have to watch THAT again!" The 'bots "Uh,Mike--maybe you better sit down...!"
The Intro: Mike is once again wearing his trademark blues--and doesn't understand why the 'bots are looking at him that way.Before they can explain,the scene cuts to the interior of Castle Forrester.
It seems that,only days before,Pearl Forrester received an ultimatum from The Institute Of Mad Scientists--due to her lackluster performance as an evil genius,she has been given an ultimatum;she has seven days to come up with a bona-fide world domination scheme,or face expulsion from the Institute.Fortunately {for her},Professor Bobo inadvertently provided her with one while rummaging through some unpacked crates sent from the now-defunct Deep 13--her son's old matter-transference device!Mrs. Forrester's ecstatic declaration of "With this device,I can rule the world!!" is quickly cut short when Bobo and Observer,while struggling with the device over a disagreement over which of them is qualified to operate it,accidently activate it.Disgusted,Mrs. Forrester grabs it out of their hands,at the exact same time when a lightning bolt crashes through the window,striking the matter transferer,sending her into an alternate reality where she still resides on the "planet of the apes",only Bobo,or rather,Supreme Emporer Bobo,is in charge!!!After sentencing his "pet human" to displinary action for trying to escape,he turns his attention to the SOL,informing them that THEIR punishment is the movie "Danger:Diabolik"! Mike:"Whattaya mean,I was wearing my old green jumpsuit?!You guys need to lay off the ram chips before bedtime!"
Host Segment 1:As Crow and Tom Servo stand before the Hexfield Viewscreen,it activates,opening and closing every few seconds.With each opening,characters from past episodes who communicated with them in this manner--Hugh Beaumont,Winky from Crash Of The Moons,the creepy thug from Daddy-O,J.C. from Sidehackers--appear in the screen.When the gesturing scientist from The Mole People appears,the 'bots recall how Mike once tried to impersonate this character,and,since they all seem to resemble Mike,they immediatly assume it IS him,playing some sort of elaborate joke on them {although exactly how he's able to change clothes so fast...!},when they turn around and discover Mike,who's apparently been standing behind them all this time.The 'bots collapse in a confused heap.
Down on the planet,Mrs. Forrester locates the matter device and activates it again--only to find herself on the Observer planet,where its purple-robed inhabitants are readying themselves to disect her,since she failed the I.Q. test!
Host Segment 2:Crow and Servo discover that Mike has once again been replaced by his alternate-universe double,the minituare robot version {Ep. 816 Prince Of Space},which they cannot help but laugh at,ignoring the robot-Mike's insistance that,in his universe,their dopplegangers have a great deal of respect for him.Suddenly,two more 'bots appear---a gold Tom Servo and a bright red Crow--who angrily descend on their counterparts for their disrespect.Robot-Mike tries to diffuse the situation,but he doesn't know which 'bots to address--turns out he's color-blind.
Once again,the matter device gets Mrs. F out of trouble,only this time,she reappears in Deep 13,the dimwitted assistant to head scientist Dr. Lawrence Earhardt {Josh Weinstein}!
Host Segment 3:The 'bots come to the conclusion that it must be Mrs. Forrester's reckless universe-shifting that is causing all the chaos on the SOL,so Crow decides to use their own time machine,and go back one-and-a-half-hour into the past,sneak down to Castle Forrester,and steal the matter device before anything can happen--unfortunately,he ends up back in the mid-80's cheese factory where the teenage Mike worked,coming face-to-face with two other Crows,angry over his reckless time travel--he barely manages to escape.
Mrs. F tries yet again,figuring this can't possibly get any worse---she winds up on an alternate-SOL,its other passengers Mike's surly older brother Eddie,and a subservient Tom Servo--and they're being forced to watch the director's cut of "Time Chasers"!
Final Host Segment:As Tom and Crow inform Mike of everything that's happened in the last two hours.Gypsy appears with some chilling news--a massive spaceship,five times bigger than the SOL,has just de-cloaked off rocket number nine,and is holding them in the grip of a powerful tractor beam!Furthermore,its lone passenger has just transported onto their ship,and is now headed for the bridge---who--or what--could it be?!!?
Cut to Mrs. Forrester,who has canniblized parts from the SOL/2,and has souped up the matter transfer device,positive that it will work this time---she lands in the past,in the original Deep 13,manned by her son,Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank,who reassure her that they'll keep working until they find a cure--"A 'cure'?For what?"--The mystery of why she can no longer move is quickly solved--she's a disembodied head in a jar.
Back to the SOL,where Mike and the 'bots fearfully await their mysterious invader,when the doors open----IT'S JOEL!!!After he crash-landed on Earth,he spent years building a new ship.so he could rescue them.However,upon returning to space {where the SOL originally was,before its universe-trek in Ep. 706 Laserblast},he found the ship gone--having deduced they'd traveled through time,he returned to Earth,outfitting his ship with time-travel capability,but due to the haphazard way he'd installed the equipment,his ship put out waves of time-distortion as he approached the SOL--in short,it was Joel who inadvertantly caused all the weird occurences on the ship today!As Joel,Mike and the 'bots leave the ship,returning to Earth,we take one last look at the SOL--the sounds of a party come from the bridge.We discover it filled with duplicate Tom Servos--"Boy,I thought they'd NEVER leave!!Now--let's see what this baby can REALLY do!!WHOO--HOOH!!!!" ;D
As I'm sure many of you have figured out by now,the lost opportunity that I meant was Joel and Frank's return to the show was on the FIRST episode of their final season.Since they already knew it was to be the last,I am truly surprised it never occured to them to have them on the finale,working them into the plot,such as the one I've suggested above.Obviously,it would also require Trace Beaulieu and Josh Weinstein.
The Opening:As the show begins,Mike is once again wearing the dark green coveralls he started the show with,and,with a sweaty towel around his neck,he recites,word-for-word,his dialogue from the opening moments of episode 513 {The Brain That Wouldn't Die},when Crow and Tom Servo appear,wondering what the Helen Hunt he's talking about.Mike doesn't understand the 'bots confusion,insisting he arrived on the SOL only days ago,and they've been putting him through bad-movie training.As commercial sign flashes,Mike:"Boy,that 'Beast Of Yucca Flats'--talk about a stinker!Sure am glad I'll never have to watch THAT again!" The 'bots "Uh,Mike--maybe you better sit down...!"
The Intro: Mike is once again wearing his trademark blues--and doesn't understand why the 'bots are looking at him that way.Before they can explain,the scene cuts to the interior of Castle Forrester.
It seems that,only days before,Pearl Forrester received an ultimatum from The Institute Of Mad Scientists--due to her lackluster performance as an evil genius,she has been given an ultimatum;she has seven days to come up with a bona-fide world domination scheme,or face expulsion from the Institute.Fortunately {for her},Professor Bobo inadvertently provided her with one while rummaging through some unpacked crates sent from the now-defunct Deep 13--her son's old matter-transference device!Mrs. Forrester's ecstatic declaration of "With this device,I can rule the world!!" is quickly cut short when Bobo and Observer,while struggling with the device over a disagreement over which of them is qualified to operate it,accidently activate it.Disgusted,Mrs. Forrester grabs it out of their hands,at the exact same time when a lightning bolt crashes through the window,striking the matter transferer,sending her into an alternate reality where she still resides on the "planet of the apes",only Bobo,or rather,Supreme Emporer Bobo,is in charge!!!After sentencing his "pet human" to displinary action for trying to escape,he turns his attention to the SOL,informing them that THEIR punishment is the movie "Danger:Diabolik"! Mike:"Whattaya mean,I was wearing my old green jumpsuit?!You guys need to lay off the ram chips before bedtime!"
Host Segment 1:As Crow and Tom Servo stand before the Hexfield Viewscreen,it activates,opening and closing every few seconds.With each opening,characters from past episodes who communicated with them in this manner--Hugh Beaumont,Winky from Crash Of The Moons,the creepy thug from Daddy-O,J.C. from Sidehackers--appear in the screen.When the gesturing scientist from The Mole People appears,the 'bots recall how Mike once tried to impersonate this character,and,since they all seem to resemble Mike,they immediatly assume it IS him,playing some sort of elaborate joke on them {although exactly how he's able to change clothes so fast...!},when they turn around and discover Mike,who's apparently been standing behind them all this time.The 'bots collapse in a confused heap.
Down on the planet,Mrs. Forrester locates the matter device and activates it again--only to find herself on the Observer planet,where its purple-robed inhabitants are readying themselves to disect her,since she failed the I.Q. test!
Host Segment 2:Crow and Servo discover that Mike has once again been replaced by his alternate-universe double,the minituare robot version {Ep. 816 Prince Of Space},which they cannot help but laugh at,ignoring the robot-Mike's insistance that,in his universe,their dopplegangers have a great deal of respect for him.Suddenly,two more 'bots appear---a gold Tom Servo and a bright red Crow--who angrily descend on their counterparts for their disrespect.Robot-Mike tries to diffuse the situation,but he doesn't know which 'bots to address--turns out he's color-blind.
Once again,the matter device gets Mrs. F out of trouble,only this time,she reappears in Deep 13,the dimwitted assistant to head scientist Dr. Lawrence Earhardt {Josh Weinstein}!
Host Segment 3:The 'bots come to the conclusion that it must be Mrs. Forrester's reckless universe-shifting that is causing all the chaos on the SOL,so Crow decides to use their own time machine,and go back one-and-a-half-hour into the past,sneak down to Castle Forrester,and steal the matter device before anything can happen--unfortunately,he ends up back in the mid-80's cheese factory where the teenage Mike worked,coming face-to-face with two other Crows,angry over his reckless time travel--he barely manages to escape.
Mrs. F tries yet again,figuring this can't possibly get any worse---she winds up on an alternate-SOL,its other passengers Mike's surly older brother Eddie,and a subservient Tom Servo--and they're being forced to watch the director's cut of "Time Chasers"!
Final Host Segment:As Tom and Crow inform Mike of everything that's happened in the last two hours.Gypsy appears with some chilling news--a massive spaceship,five times bigger than the SOL,has just de-cloaked off rocket number nine,and is holding them in the grip of a powerful tractor beam!Furthermore,its lone passenger has just transported onto their ship,and is now headed for the bridge---who--or what--could it be?!!?
Cut to Mrs. Forrester,who has canniblized parts from the SOL/2,and has souped up the matter transfer device,positive that it will work this time---she lands in the past,in the original Deep 13,manned by her son,Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank,who reassure her that they'll keep working until they find a cure--"A 'cure'?For what?"--The mystery of why she can no longer move is quickly solved--she's a disembodied head in a jar.
Back to the SOL,where Mike and the 'bots fearfully await their mysterious invader,when the doors open----IT'S JOEL!!!After he crash-landed on Earth,he spent years building a new ship.so he could rescue them.However,upon returning to space {where the SOL originally was,before its universe-trek in Ep. 706 Laserblast},he found the ship gone--having deduced they'd traveled through time,he returned to Earth,outfitting his ship with time-travel capability,but due to the haphazard way he'd installed the equipment,his ship put out waves of time-distortion as he approached the SOL--in short,it was Joel who inadvertantly caused all the weird occurences on the ship today!As Joel,Mike and the 'bots leave the ship,returning to Earth,we take one last look at the SOL--the sounds of a party come from the bridge.We discover it filled with duplicate Tom Servos--"Boy,I thought they'd NEVER leave!!Now--let's see what this baby can REALLY do!!WHOO--HOOH!!!!" ;D
As I'm sure many of you have figured out by now,the lost opportunity that I meant was Joel and Frank's return to the show was on the FIRST episode of their final season.Since they already knew it was to be the last,I am truly surprised it never occured to them to have them on the finale,working them into the plot,such as the one I've suggested above.Obviously,it would also require Trace Beaulieu and Josh Weinstein.
LordKat,
